Submissions

Welcoming Our Twins (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Prolapse, PUPPP Rash, Submissions, Twins 9 Comments

Age: 34
Pregnancies/births: 1/2
Age of children: 8 months

I found out I was carrying twins when I had a scan at 6 weeks because of some pain and bleeding. Turns out it was my uterus stretching quickly because there were two of them in there! Even at that early stage they located two heartbeats, although the babies were like tiny kidney beans on screen. The ultrasound tech had been called in at short notice because it was a Sunday in the ER (my health anxiety got the better of me), and I’m not saying anything either way but he kind of smelled like whisky. Anyway it was a really fun session once I stopped laughing hysterically and shaking (“what do you mean there’s TWO EGG SACS?!!”), he took a load of pictures for me and explained what everything was and I was sent home to break the news to my husband. He actually laughed as well which was something of a relief.

One of the nicest things about being newly pregnant with twins was that I didn’t have to wait very long until I started to show. One of the other nicest things was that I first felt a tiny kick at 15 weeks; I was so excited! I found it difficult that I didn’t feel confident to exercise, as I’m usually pretty active. I didn’t want to ride my bike or rock climb; I know that some women continue to do both until quite late in pregnancy but I was too worried about having an accident. I love to hike and continued to do that until I got pretty big.

I ate a LOT in the first trimester as I’d read that gaining 25lb by 25weeks was a good way to ensure that your babies would get a great start on their weight gain. Subsequently I got a great start on my own weight gain! I started at 130lb which I felt was slightly overweight for me (but probably isn’t – I was constantly working on losing that “last five pounds”). By the time the twins arrived I was over 200lb, I stopped weighing myself about 10 days before they got here because it was mildly terrifying. So, I gained 70+ lb, partly because I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and hospitalized at 35 weeks. The preeclampsia made me retain a lot of fluid and added to my weight gain.

I wasn’t severely preeclamptic and my blood pressure never got too high (no medication), but I had a horrible case of PUPPS rash (aka Satan incarnate) and it was the hottest summer since about 1411 and the hospital didn’t have air con. I spent most of my days stark naked, standing in my bay on the prenatal ward with the curtain drawn round and my arms held out at my sides (I couldn’t bear any of my own skin to touch myself, that’s how itchy the PUPPS was), scaring the staff when they popped their heads around the curtain. Seriously most of them had never heard of PUPPS, I felt like some sort of teaching aid.

The hospital wanted to induce me which I was dead set against as I was scared it wouldn’t work properly and I’d end up with a c-section, or it’d work too well and the contractions would be too intense and I’d end up with an epidural and then with a c-section (did I mention the health anxiety?). As it turned out my waters broke at 2am when I was 36 weeks, and our girls were born naturally 17 hours later. My husband and my mum were amazing. Labour was more painful than I hoped but nowhere near as painful as I feared. I’d wanted a water birth at home with no pain relief and giving birth in theater while hooked up to a continuous fetal monitor wasn’t exactly the plan but considering the circumstances it was the safest and best outcome possible. No drugs apart from beta blockers to lower my blood pressure, and a vaginal delivery, which I had very much wanted.

I’ve struggled since the birth with my body image. I’m still 20lb overweight and the skin on my belly will never be the same. My breasts have dropped (they went up to a G cup so it’s not surprising!), but I remind myself how lucky I am to have been able to beast feed my girls. I never really liked my boobs that much but I did love my flat, smooth stomach and I do get sad when I look at it now. I’m 5’ 6” and I carried the girls straight out in front, and the skin was stretched beyond repair. It’s wrinkly and crepey and I have a diastasis so my belly sticks out and I still look pregnant. My stretch marks are very fine and pale and hardly noticeable, which I’m grateful for. I wasn’t prepared for the extent of the changes to my body and have found it hard to deal with – my husband tells me that he still finds me attractive but it’s difficult for me to see how he can.

The hardest thing for me to cope with has been the multiple prolapses I suffered since the birth. I have a cystocele and a rectocele (my bladder and rectum both bulge into my vagina); luckily I don’t have problems with incontinence but I do feel uncomfortable most days. It’s been difficult for me to return to exercise. I love to climb, hike, cycle and backpack, and I worry that I won’t be able to do those things in the future. The backpacking is especially hard to think of losing. My husband and I have done many long trips of two or three weeks duration during which we walked for 15-20 miles a day up mountains while wearing 25lb backpacks – right now I can’t imagine a time when my pelvic floor will be able to take that kind of strain, and it kills me. I cry about the prolapse often. I wish that people talked about this issue more because I wasn’t even really aware that it could happen to me until it did and it was a horrible shock. I know that I need to be patient for a while longer as a lot of healing happens in the first year after birth and I don’t yet know what the final outcome will be, but it’s hard and I get scared.

My girls are beautiful, healthy and I love seeing them change every day. I couldn’t have imagined how much I would love them (and I imagined that I would love them a lot!). As I said I wish that prolapse was more widely discussed as I feel that I would have done a few things differently if I’d known that it affects up to 50% of women. I would give anything for the changes to my body to be merely cosmetic and external. I am hoping against hope that if I continue to lose weight and do my kegels religiously then I might eventually be fairly symptom free, although I know that prolapse is lifelong. I am very much hoping to avoid surgery.

The first picture is my stomach at about 6 weeks pregnant, second is me at 8 months post partum. Third is a close up of my stomach post partum, and fourth is a side view. Fifth and sixth are our gorgeous girls :)

Mother of Four (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 14 Comments

I am a 33 year old Mother to four boys. Twins who are 9 1/2, 6 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. I am posting my pictures of my body as it is now after 4 kids and 3 pregnancies. I am 5′ 7″ and 170 pounds.

I would say I am 50% comfortable in my own skin. My husband tell’s me he thinks I am so sexy yet I don’t feel it because of my flabby belly. I have recently looked into getting a breast lift and tummy tuck. My husband supports me if it is something I want to do. I am so torn. I don’t want to be shallow and selfish.

I guess I am posting my picture on here to get encouragement from other Mothers. I know I am my worst enemy since I feel my stomach is just nasty. The picture of my stomach up close with the black markings of a football shape is the skin the Doctor would remove if I had a tummy tuck.

New Mommy (Avery’s Mom)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 3 Comments

I had a beautiful little girl three weeks ago, she is the light of mine and my husbands lives. We tried for almost a year to get pregnant before we did and when it happened it was the best feeling in the world, when I had her we fell so madly in love with her but as many women I felt my body was destroyed, it’s not as great as it was I’m still 30lbs heavier than I was before and feel as if I’m so unattractive some days. Some days I feel good and others I feel like it looks bad. I have a hard time letting my husband see me naked still.. The stretch marks don’t bother me but it’s the excess skin.. I know it will eventually go away and my daughter is well worth what my body has been through.. Just nice to have support from others that know how it feels!

My today after two children and significant weight loss. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 36
Number of pregnancies/births: 5/2 (both c-sections)
Children aged 5 years and 14 months

I’m 36 years old and fascinated by your website! What a great idea to show realistic photos of women who have given birth.

Here’s my story:
My first child was born in 2008. It was my first pregnancy and, being overweight, I started with187lb (I’m only 5,2ft).

At the end I weighed 209 lb and I had a c-section which wasn’t planned at all and which left me very unhappy for a long time.

To my surprise all the weight I had put on was gone after 4 weeks (a lot of water) and also my stretchmarks didn’t look so bad. However, my belly looked worse than before the pregnancy and even then I hadn’t liked it.

In the following I lost and gained weight as so often in my life.

And we wanted to have another child, but unfortunately I had 3 miscarriages, all in the first trimester.
My 5th pregnancy was successful again! I started and ended with the same weight as in my first pregnancy and again it was a c-section after endless hours of labour.

Breastfeeding worked a lot better than with child #1, but after 2 months I didn’t have enough milk anymore and had to stop.

My weight went from 209 lb down to 194 lb in the weeks after birth but then it stopped and I felt very uncomfortable.

So I decided to change my lifestyle and within a year I lost another 62 lb. I feel so much better and with 133 lb I’m as thin as I had been about 10 years ago.

With clothes on I find my shape pretty ok now , but things look different when I’m naked. My belly has never been nice and flat, but now it’s wrinkly and saggy (in the pictures it looks better than in reality). Also my breasts don’t look like they used to, but still I find them quite nice. Other than my belly which somehow feels as if it doesn’t belong to me as it really wobbles around. For the extra skin I think this won’t become any better or nicer. I was even thinking about surgery, but when I found this website I saw that many women have a belly like mine and that it’s nothing uncommon for a woman who was pregnant.

Trying to Accept My New Breasts (Maya)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 19 Comments

First I need to excuse my bad english, which is not my mother language. I am a 34 years old german mother of two wonderful children. The first, my daughter, was a c-section, my son was born vaginally. My daughter ist 3.5, my son 1.3 years old.

I love this website, it gives me so much reading the posts of moms who feel the same way than me. For a very long time I hadn’t had the heard to post here because I know objectively seen I don’t look that bad. I was lucky getting no strechmarks and having an almost flat belly. I got varices in my second pregnancy. It needed to be operate on and my disorders are gone. But my legs still don’t look fine, and never will.

But, however, I am struggeling with how my breast looks like. My breast never was very big, but beautiful. They had a nice shape and were perky. Now they‘re tiny, saggy and flat! Unfortunatly I have no picture from my non-mommy breasts. I always wore a 34B before heaving children. Now I had a brafitting and know this had never been my true size (I wear a 30D now!). So you may have an idea of my “old breast size”. During pregnancy and breastfeeding time my breast was huge (for me), (fitted) 30F in my second pregnancy! During my first pregnancy it was even bigger and I wore absolutely crazy sizes that hadn’t fit.

I find that my “new“ post-partum breast doesn’t fit to the rest of my body. I am slim but I always had kind of a “latino bottom“ and “strong legs“. I was not happy about this in the past, but it’s ok. This is me, I ever looked like this. But I feel like this breast is not mine! As if it have lost its sexual attractivity. I feel so unwomenly! This breast could look fine when I was a skinny, petite type. My breasts alway were a part of my body that I liked and sometimes even loved. I had been happier if they would have been one size bigger, but most time I was ok with them. My legs and sometimes my bottom had been my biggest body issues over the years. Now I don’t matter about them and hate my breast. I really don’t know I can learn to love or like them again.

Like most women‘s husband here my husband loves my body and breast. He just dosen’t love my self-insecurity and is tired to hear. That is a problem because he is my very best friend and now I dare to speak with him about my feelings for my body afraid of he could be turned off. I’m not sure if this is the right english formulation for what I want to say, so I hope you can understand what I mean. I have no one to talk with about my worries neither none of my friends beeing afraid I could hurt someones emotions when I speek bad about my body knowing or wondering if she is struggeling more with her body than me.

I breastfed both children for 10 months. I stopped brestfeeding my son 5 months ago. My breast has already got a little better since then. I hope and pray that it will regain volume in one or two years. I need to admitt that I’m jealous of most women here, they all sem to have more breast than me.

My Postpartum Body (Courtney)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

My name is Courtney Bray, I am 20 years old and live in Washington State with my husband and two beautiful girls.
I am a mother of 2.

In my first pregnancy I gained 55 lbs. Stretch marks spread almost all the way up to my breasts. My skin hung and my belly button did as well.

I cried. I cried over and over. I contemplated what I thought was “reconstructive” surgery. I thought my husband wasn’t attracted to me. Every time we passed a skinny attractive woman on the street my heart burned in envy. I dreaded the arrival of summer.

Then I finally lost the weight. I changed my diet entirely and became very passionate about organic food and the fight against Monsanto, the FDA, and USDA. However, despite new passions and a slim body, I hated my stomach. I still cried. Selfishly. Ignoring the immense reward that became of it; my sweet baby.

My second pregnancy came along. This time I felt determined to not gain that crazy amount of weight again. This time, I only gained 35 lbs. I worked out, didn’t limit myself physically, and ate clean. I felt more amazing than I had ever felt in my life. This time I loved being pregnant. I glowed. I didn’t want it to stop.

When I delivered my stomach was flat again after 1 month with the help of wrapping my postpartum tummy. I still have mild diastasis recti though.

This time I cried for a different reason. Staring in the mirror at my stretch marks, I cried. I cried because I loved them. I brushed my fingers over them, pulled at my loose skin a little and smiled. Tears running down my face. I kept on crying, because I finally realized that I love this body so much more than the body I had 3 years ago. This body was the look of true beauty, of work and reward, of suffering and love.

My body is perfectly “ruined”.

022514-courtney-1

17 Days Post-Cesarean (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

Second pregnancy, one m/c at 16 weeks, one birth by cesarean 17 days ago, age 27, yes to media use, please post from anonymous and do not include email address.

Today I am 17 days post c section and feeling good physically. I have the sweetest, most adorable baby and couldn’t be happier as a new mom!

After having a miscarriage years ago, I wondered if I would have a child and now, sitting here next to my little precision miracle just listening to him breathe, I realize how truly blessed I am. He is a gorgeous reminder of the blessings I have been allowed in this life.

After becoming very ill, I was forced to sustain an induced labor that resulted in failure to progress due to having a small pelvis. I endured 30+ hours of labor and then was ordered to have an emergency c section. The c section news was, at the time, scary but I trusted what was happening and only wanted my little baby to be safely delivered. So, all plans dissolved and a new plan took over. I delivered via c section and life began.

It’s been crazy since he birth of my baby with trying to recover from my own personal illness plus the surgery but I feel better. The first week was awful but I forced myself forward. In fact, I was up visiting my baby in the nicu just two hours after my delivery. The days were hard and getting up was harder but I made it.

Today, I am trying to decide if my scar is healing okay. I had my staples out ten days post op and today is the 17th day since the c section. Pre pregnancy I weighed between 110-114 and on the day of delivery I was at 142. The day my staples were removed, I had lost down to 123 and today, I am at 119. My tummy has gone down but the incision has me bummed. I have always had a flat belly and now, there is a swollen like area just above the scar that makes me just cringe. I feel guilty for concerning myself with it but still cannot help it. Will this pudge above the scar ever go away?? Or do I accept this shelf like area?

Here are the current pics…

7 children: A Body to Remember (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, VBAC 13 Comments

Age: 33
Children: 15, 10, 8, 7, 6, 4, 18 months
Births: 5 C-Sections followed by 2 unassisted births (UBAC)

Previous post here.

Even though I have 5 previous entries here, over the past five and a half years, I feel inclined to submit again. I love this site because it is the only place I have ever found that speaks of the profound changes that women go through and the unique challenge that we face to experience it in the 21st century. Some days it surprises me that women can muster any confidence at all, given the images and verbiage we are forced to ingest everyday; all around us. I like to be reminded of the normalcy of these changes. I like to see the triumphs and the sadness. The joy and the pain. Because, just like with birth, both come as one. To overcome is to conquer the fear of not being enough. To climb the mountain is to see the view we have been waiting for…

Trying to Love Myself (JC)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies/births: 2/2
~My children’s ages: 20 months & 3 weeks

~My story: I started my first pregnancy weighing about 135-140lbs (I’m 5’4″) – I was happy with my body, except for my tiny boobs & puffy nipples. I had just lost around 20 lbs very suddenly (had zero appetite for a few weeks due to a very rough/emotional summer) and was loving being “skinny” again!
I discovered I was pregnant when I went from eating nothing to eating EVERYTHING pretty much overnight. That and I couldn’t stay awake past 10pm for anything, lol. Anyhow, I ended pregnancy #1 @ 205lbs!! I blame the high weight gain on a combination of genetics, quitting smoking, eating “for two” after several weeks of not eating at all, being happy again, and grabbing breakfast and/or lunch at the drive thru WAY too often…

Baby #2 came as a bit of a surprise…we found out we were expecting again just days before celebrating baby #1’s first birthday!! My weight was still hovering around about 170lbs at this point, and had been for quite some time. =\ I ended pregnancy #2 at about 230lbs!!

Today, at 3 weeks postpartum, I am down to 190lbs. A LOT of my weight with both babies was water weight, so it drops drastically, then I get “stuck.” (Hoping I’m not “stuck” yet!!)

This time around I was also left with a good number of angry red/purple stretch marks on my belly. Baby #1 left me with a lot on my thighs, although the only ones on my belly were fairly light and appeared on my lower belly either during or after delivery! I’m starting to notice that wrinkly, saggy, deflated look as my belly gets “flatter” and the skin starts to “hang.” =P

I’m hoping to get back to around 145-150lbs at some point, so about 40lbs left, but this time around I am strangely at ease with my weight. 190lbs feels awfully thin after being well over 200 for a few months! That and there’s not much time or energy to worry about it with two boys under 2 in the house!!
For now I’m focusing on getting back to my pre-2nd-pregnancy weight of 170lbs, then I can start the journey back to 150lbs. Baby steps! I miss being thin, and I’d love to see a pic of me with only one chin (lol)….but I have two BEAUTIFUL baby boys to show for it, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world!! (So cliche, but SO very true!!)

This website is such an inspiration – in fact the majority of the photos I’ve seen actually make me a bit jealous, lol. Just goes to show that even when we think the worst of our bodies, there are other people out there looking at us with a twinge of jealousy over our weight or shape or size!! I’m trying to love myself more…back rolls and stretch marks and saggy belly/boobs and all!! ;)

Struggling With My Stomach! (Amy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 15 Comments

I’ve just found this site after searching for many online like it, I must say it has opened my eyes to see just how many other women have issues about their post birth bodies.

I am 18 years old, I had my son at 17 years old via emergency c section. I weighed 8st 9lb when I got pregnant and by the end of pregnancy had put on 49lbs (3 1/2st). He is 13 months old now, and I feel for this amount of time my stomach should look better than it does now, I still look pregnant. Obviously I knew my body would change however I wasn’t prepared for the battering that this would take on my confidence and my relationship. My body in the least selfish way possible affects many areas of my life. The appearance is the usual, stretch marks and stuck out belly, however having diastasis recti to quite a bad degree it has left my belly button caved in and this awful wrinkling above and below the belly button. As I say I still look pregnant just relaxing however when I contract tummy muscles in (doesn’t hurt at all) I look slim again (just creates more wrinkling) but with clothes on you obviously can’t see this so that’s how I walk round all of the time pulling in my muscles. It’s a shame I think I have to do this. Don’t know if anybody can relate ? If there’s hope?

I do want surgery however I am young and want another child in 4 years + time, so I didn’t want to pay for surgery and then get pregnant and something happen to need it again. It’s just living with it day to day in the mean time.