How can I teach my daughters, and my sons, things I haven’t quite figured out yet? How can I be confident in my own skin when the world, both inside and outside of myself, tells me I should hide? How did women lose their power to just “be”in their role as mother, satisfied with happy children and a healthy birth?
I don’t know, but I know that in late 1980 I was already destined to despise my body, and feel like there was something wrong with it. So I became a fat little girl before I knew I could say no to food that starved my body, and clouded my mind. I always hated myself, and remember at 8 years old trying to make my arms appear smaller by wrapping my upper arms in toilet paper and rubber bands. My “before” pictures would not show much. I was always very large chested and had boyfriends, but overall felt out of place, fat and gross.
Once I had my first daughter at 17 years old, I was scared but happy to spend 9 months growing a little being. I was a good mother. A dedicated college graduate, and had a kind heart. But my ass was still fat, but not as fat as my deformed Csection dissected belly.
I lost 100 pounds, met my husband and went on to have 4 more children. All Csections. 5 Csections and 5 children, 4 of them in 5 years time took a deep and irreversible toll on my body. The multiple Csections left me feeling insecure and inept.
I had my first vaginal birth, 10#5oz baby boy (child #6) unassisted at home with my husband and my children. He was amazing. He still is. This healed places in myself that continue to heal.
I just had my 7th son this past June (2012), another boy, another beautiful and FaSt unassisted birth. I gained 30 pounds, was Doing yoga 5-6 times a week, hiking mountains and standing fully inverted head stands days before he was born.
I love my body now. I accept its amazing ability to heal, carry me through this awesome ride of life, and nurture my children. My sexuality is prime and there is nothing that makes me feel more alive than having confidence inside my skin.
I have 7 children, and could have more. I am 32 years old. I have a masters, I am a massage therapist. I love to write and play music. I love to travel and experience new things. I love to spend time with my children and my lover, partner and friends. I am more than complete… In spite of the holes which have been carved in my body, I am whole.
Updated here.
Beautiful post, beautiful photos, beautiful mama. Thank you for sharing!
What an inspiration! Love this post!
Gorgeous! Thank you so much for sharing! <3
You are so gorgeous inside and out! You glow with motherhood and vitality. Thankyou for sharing your story of confidence and self love. Your children are blessed to have such a happy and loving mother.
You are an absolute inspiration. All that you have accomplished in such a short time. You are strong and beautiful!
Such a marvelous outlook. We can all be inspired by your depth and beauty. Best wishes on your beautiful journey.
thank you for sharing with us all. You are a glorious goddess!! I too experienced the healing from having my two kids at home (a different past bust still filled with trauma as i am sure c-sections were for you). I commend you for taking the unassisted path and hope to take this route if I ever have a third. Your children are magnificent reflections of you! with such a bright twinkle in their eyes. You are well suited:) As a woman I am deeply grateful for your story, your courage to acknowledge your beauty. So many of us cringe and deprive ourselves of the love we so deserve from ourselves and others just because we just cannot embrace and accept its radiance. As a mother, I am proud to know that I am part of a growing number of mothers that are willing to step into reclaiming our bodies, the way we birth, healing our past, and guiding the way for our young ones.
Just to say it is so refreshing to see hairy armpits. My wife (25) has never felt the need to shave and the reaction she got in the hospital when she gave birth was as if they didn’t even realise women grew hair – it seemed to be such a shock to them. You look beautiful, I’ll show her these photos later on today as this is one of her favourite sites. Thank you
I can’t believe you have 7 kids! You look fantastic!
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing.
You are a beautiful and sexy mother! It is so refreshing to find a mother that isn’t afraid to have more than (the convention) 1 or 2 children. My wife and I, literally, confirmed today that we are expecting our first baby… we’re so excited! This has been my lifelong dream! :)
I look at my dog, (go with me here, lol) and she has multiple, extensive scarring, but she is very beautiful, despite even the puckering that some of the scarring has caused. It is the functionality of her body that makes her beautiful, the way she fits together and moves, what her body can do. I wish i could think about my self the way i see her! You’re beautiful, your body has done amazing things and if you look after it, it will stay beautiful and amazing.