Submissions

Just a few degrees south (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 3 Comments

I had my first two children when I was 21 and 23. The pregnancies themselves were perfectly normal and healthy, but I was pretty depressed because the father wanted nothing to do with them. He tried to convince me to abort both times right up until the third trimester. I left him when our second child was a few months old. I went back to school and got my life together. Then, I met a wonderful man who loved my children almost more than I did. We got a married a few years later and then, learned we were pregnant with twins. I had said I didn’t want to have children after 30, so it was perfect timing. Like my first two, this pregnancy was fairly normal and healthy, but I experienced intense pain in my pelvic. I had something called pubic symphosis separation. My midwife wasn’t familiar with it, but she’d sent me to a physical therapist. I worked right up until the day I went into labor at 35 weeks. I had gone in for a regular appointment and the midwife checked to see if I was having real contractions or just more of the braxton-hicks variety. Turned out I was dilated to four and in full labor – I didn’t even know it. I’d been having contractions for 6 weeks and they felt the same to me.

I’d hoped to have a natural delivery, but both babies were breech. They were born via c-section four hours later. My husband cried as he held his children for the first time. I struggled not to panic and to keep my feelings of complete failure to myself. I had really hoped for a natural birth. Honestly, it wasn’t until I read Colleen’s Ode To My Scar on this site that I began to feel differently about it all.

I have always been plus sized, but after the twins, I shed weight very fast. I now weigh less than I did on my wedding day, but I just have all this skin lined with stretch marks. My husband thinks I am beautiful, and the beauty he sees is reflected in his eyes every time he looks at me. That’s what has helped me come to terms with the amazing body I have now.

This is me at 33 weeks and then today, 11 months pp.

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 4 children
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 10, 8, 1 year old twins.

My Body 6 Weeks Postpartum (Angela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

23 years old
6 weeks postpartum, 1st baby
225lbs

My name is Angela. Ive been a yoyo dieter all my life. Ive had plus sized years, and normal weight years… (about 130-160 lbs) Ive struggled all my life with it though. My mother would always criticize me about my weight starting from about 12 years old. Funny thing was, I was not fat. Not even overweight really. But I always believed her. Why wouldnt I? So when I ate better and lost a little weight to be 130 lbs at 5’5, (in my teens) she still hounded me, asking when I was going to continue dieting. Imagine feeling FAT at 130lbs. I felt terrible then. Then worse when i would gain weight and realized that I was not fat before, I was fat NOW. During my teens i had never been fat. I would just fluctuate between 130-150 lbs. I realize now that those are nice, normal weights. When I became an adult, I started to gain weight more and more. I would get depressed, thinking I was terribly fat, no one would want me, so I would just eat more and gain more. I got to my highest weight at the time of 215 lbs. I finally became so lonely and sad, I went on a super diet/exercise regimen. I got to 160ish lbs again. I felt great! I loved how i looked, could wear sexy clothes again, and i had huge confidence! I met my now fiance at that time. We met, fell in love, moved in together. He had always been a bigger guy, and as the relationship went on, I gained weight again gradually. in 3 years i had creeped up to 230ish lbs. And he SWEARS he never noticed a difference since we started dating. HELLO? 60lbs?? how do you not notice that? But, he loved me the same, and found me just as sexy as the day we met. We have a great reltionship, and hes done oodles for my confidence. :) But, old habits die hard, and no matter how much he tries, i still feel fat and ugly often. I got pregnant at 225lbs, had a vaginal birth, and since having the baby, Im back to the same weight 6 weeks post-partum. I want to try losing weight again, but im waiting till i get more of a hang on being a new mommy. I look almost the same as before pregnancy.. i have a few more stretch marks, (but im used to them, got em in the early teens from anywhere that i grew!) but my tummy now HANGS and is so ugly. I came to terms with being a bigger girl pre-baby, and was happy with my figure generally…. bigger, but curvy and sexy. Now i feel like i have an ugly hanging stomach and it just totally ruins my silhouette. And the worst part is, Its just hanging skin that I can only get back to normal by having a tummy tuck or something. I try not to look too much in the mirror lately, cause I get too depressed. My fiance tells me i look great still, but its hard to believe. :( But i dont harp on it. I spend my days with my little boy, enjoying the new life we have together. I find myself thinking a little less about my appearance lately, and instead i think about all the things i get to experience with my son. And no matter how my future children look, i will never criticize in the same way my mother had. I want my children to love themselves. :)

pic 1-4, 6 weeks PP
pic 5 1year or so pre-pregnancy

thanks for listening :)
Angela

Mom to 10 month old twins (Ariel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Gestational Diabetes, NICU, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia, Twins 7 Comments

I have been engaged to my fiance for 2 years when we moved out of the dorms and into our first apartment together, less than a month later I was pregnant, about a month later I found out ‘it’ was ‘them.’ I found out I was pregnant with twins at an abortion clinic. I wanted a baby but not at that point in my life, not when I was at the end of my teaching program, not before I was married….NOT NOW…is all I kept saying. When I was laying on the table in the clinic and the lady looked at me and said ‘I detect multiples.’ I cried, for the first time I cried because I knew they were here for a reason. There was no history of twins in my family, I wasn’t doing IVF, and I was only 20! Nothing says that I should have had twins. I felt like it was a miracle.

Anyway, I was happy about my pregnancy and told my parents and family when I was 9 weeks pregnant. We found out at 21 weeks that we were having a boy and a girl! We were super excited. It took forever to figure out their names but we finally chose them: Delilah AnnMarie and Leon Jason Paul and we were thrilled! I was going to school full time while my fiance was working full time.. At 31 weeks along I went to my OB for my appointment and he said ‘you are too complicated for the local hospital, so here are all your records, go find another doctor.’ I didn’t get names to other doctors but it didn’t matter because the next night at midnight while I was getting in the shower my water broke. My fiance drove me to the ER and they sent me by ambulance to a wonderful hospital over an hour away. I stayed there for 5 days while they tested me and tested me. I was borderline gestational diabetic and severe pre-eclampsia. At 9am the doctor said ‘there is no way she is leaving. We’re keeping her here until 34 weeks and then we’re taking the babies.’ At 5pm, the same doctor walked in and said ‘we’re having the babies in the morning.’ I was FREAKING out…to say the least.

My sweet baby girl was born at 8:04am and her little, yet bigger, brother was born 2 minutes later. Delilah weighed 3lb and Leon was 3lb 3oz. I saw them for 2 seconds and then they were ran down the hall to the NICU and they lived there for 48 days. They came home a week before their due date. During that time I was recovering from my c-section. It was brutal!

Concerning my weight and body image: I have never thought I looked good. I hated my body. A week before my twins were born I weighted 299lb…that is my highest weight. I don’t know how much, if anything, that I have lost, but since the beginning of the year I have set the goal for myself to love my body and to get to a healthy weight. I know I have a lot of work to do but I feel so much better since I’ve been eating better. I have been eating little to no junk food, no carbonated drinks, eating whole grains, and low fat, low sugar foods.

I’ve included pictures of me in the hospital, pictures of my belly when I was pregnant (all those pictures I keep off facebook) and a picture of me breastfeeding my son (to show how huge my boobs were) and a picture of me last week trying to get a picture of the 3 of us. That one is the hardest for me to look at, because I look so wide. Anyway, I think this site is amazing and will help me love my body.

Your Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy and 2 births
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 10 month old twins

13 mos PP, and 18 lbs to go… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 28
Pregnancies: 3
Births:2
PP: 13 months

Well, I just figured I would share with you a pic of my belly, since I have looked at most of yours. I am looking for some honest feedback about my body. With both of my pregnancies I gained a lot of wait in my 6- 7th month. I had horrible morning sickness that couldn’t be controlled without medication. I ended up in the ER with my second for severe dehydration from the vomitting. I would have to drive with a plastic bag handy because it would just keep coming and coming. Very horrible experience. But once I got the meds i was in heaven and able to enjoy the pregnancy. With my first I didnt get any stretch marks until the 7th month and it was a little little one above my belly ring. Then from 8 months to birth I got quite a bit on my belly. It took me about a year and a half to lose all the weight. I was 175 before preggo, trying to lose weight and 220 at delivery. Yea I was a chunker, lol. It took be about a year and a half to lose the weight, I lost 20 lbs immediately after birth, then the rest just gradually came off. I hit a plateau at year 1 and then I started the gym and the rest came off. I was at 155 before I got preggo with number 2 and gained 5 lbs up until month 7, then I sky rocketed to 215 at birth. I didnt get any new stretch marks which was good, but they were a little pink from being re-wounded so to speak. They are all pretty much faded now. I weigh 173 and have hit my famous plateau. My gorgeous son just turned 1 on Dec 11th. So now I have about 18 lbs to go to be pre preggo weight and am struggling. I eat very very well, protein, nuts, berries, fruit, special k, whole wheat/grain, and I exercise about 4-5 days a week now, but nothing is coming off! I lost 1 lb. a little depressing but I’m sticking to it. These are my pics, and be honest!

020810-anon-1

New Body – Courtesy of Two Miracles (Danni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Both of my pregnancies were an up and down battle. My pre-pregnancy weight before my first daughter was a beautiful 140 pounds that I was very proud of being only 5’5″. I thought I was beautiful and had curves in all of the right places. A little younger than 18 when I found out I was pregnant, I thought that my world was over, not even realizing that the most trying period would be during my pregnancy. I was only 11 weeks pregnant when the “morning” sickness came; constant throwing up and unable to eat anything resulted in me losing an almost whopping 40 pounds. It wasn’t until later that I was told my OB should have put me on medications to help with the extreme sickness. My daughter was born May 13, 2008 and I weighed 112 pounds before I gave birth. She only weighed 5 pounds 13 oz but I was back down to 98 pounds at my 6 weeks check-up. I absolutely hate my body after… I had no stretch marks but I felt all stick and bones, I looked and felt sick all day, every day.

When I got pregnant with my second daughter, I had gotten up to 115 pounds; I still didn’t feel beautiful like I use to but I was content with my body. Again, the same problem occurred with the sickness, except this time I had a midwife that helped me with medication and even some herbal remedies that were suppose to help. By week 39 I had gained a wonderful 50 pounds… probably alot to anyone that started at their regular weight but I was overjoyed that I had been able to gain my weight back plus some! I gave birth December 17, 2009 to my daughter who weighed 6 pounds 13 oz. With a few stretch marks to add I have fallen in love with my body all over again. I’m now a very proud 135 pound mommy to two and couldn’t be happier!

Age: 20
Number of pregnancies and births: 2
Age of children: 20 months and 1 month

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

Age: 22
How many kids: 2 babies one age 8 months and one 3 years old

Hello to all the beautiful mommies . I first would like to say that i love this site and it has helped get through some rough times about my body image. it has shown me that there’s many women out there that get stretch marks , loose skin and such and its not just me. I have also posted here 7 months after having my son. Anyways I am a single mom of two babies. One girl and one boy. My little boy is 3 years old and my little girl is almost 8 months old. I struggle every day with my body but I try to think positive. My babies were worth every stretch mark and I wouldnt change anything. I have alot of good days but then those bad days come when I cant find one thing I like about my body. I dont like my stomach and every since having my second baby I dont like my breasts either. I think they lost quite abit of fullness and are small. I just want to thank you for all the brave mommies who post. Its not an easy thing to do but its helping soo many women. I really wish that all women could love thier bodies and its sad that so very few do. Well thanks for listening. Oh and i dont have any pics of the end of my pregnancy. I got pretty big and I wish i had some to show :)

8.5 Postpartum, Update (Kristin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Age:22 years old
Number of children: two, age 2 years old and 8.5 months old
how far postpartum:8.5 months

Hey, My name is Kristin, i have posted on here 2 other times, once when i had my first child, then again after i had my second child. I decided that i would do an update on how we are doing. We are doing good, my children are doing great, they are growing up so fast:)

I was not really happy about my body, i dont think i ever was, i still get very depressed sometimes when i see myself in the mirror. I went up to 140 by the end of each pregnancy, I am at a weight of 114Ibs now, i struggle with my weight, i don’t want to gain weight so i always look at the calories on food to make sure i dont go over my daily intake of calories. Its really annoying at times, but its hard to let the weight issue go, and i feel that i am fat, that my belly sticks out, and my boobs are to small, i feel that my body has not made anymore improvements either, and i am almost 9 months postpartum. I hate feeling like this, my husband says i am beautiful and sexy, but i have a hard time believing him.I really don’t like the look of my body but i know my children were worth it. My little boy is turning 2 in January, and my daughter is now 8.5 months old. I love my life, i have a wonderful husband and two wonderful children and i wouldnt trade it for nothing. But i can’t completly stop the depressing days i get about my body, atleast i have more good ones then bad ones.

Thanks so much for this site Bonnie, it has really made life easier seeing other beautiful mommies, that look similar to me.

The first 3 pictures is of me 8.5 months postpartum(now)
And the 4th is me and my 2 beautiful babies.

Updated here and here.

Healing Takes Time But I’m On My Way (F)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 1 birth. 5 months postpartum.

I finally am ready to share my story and photos. I have been reading other women’s stories on Shape of a Mother since I was 6 months pregnant or so. They really helped to change my views of my own and other women’s bodies. I now believe that every woman is beautiful. Being a mother is especially beautiful, to me.

I met Michael in July of 2008 and even with our 16-year age difference (I’m 23 now), we fell in love and decided to have a baby. I discovered I was pregnant in November 2008. My pregnancy was healthy, though I was very morning sick for a few months and I also gained about 90 pounds . I was very skinny when I met Michael and by the time I got pregnant I had gained about 20 pounds and was at a perfect weight (160 lbs- I am 5’10”).

Pregnancy brought out a lot of emotional issues, some I didn’t even realize I had. I learned a lot about myself, but unfortunately I had some pretty extreme arguments and fights with my close friends and my mother. Michael and I also began arguing a lot. Luckily my friends and mom eventually understood and forgave me, but over time the fighting really started to disturb Michael, who was (and is, I believe) struggling with his own inner problems of depression and anxiety. I kept promising him that it would get better once I had the baby.

Sophia was born in August 2009, at which time Michael and I were getting ready to buy a home for our family (we had talked about marriage but at that point we definitely felt we should take it one step at a time). My water broke one evening after I woke up from a nap, and 8 hours later, my daughter was born. I had an epidural at 9 cm (we didn’t know how far I was until after I got it!), and there were no complications. It was the best and scariest day of my life. I now know what it is like to fall in love with someone you KNOW you will always love! Giving birth really does help you to learn how to work with your body, and if I ever have another one, I would like to try and skip the epidural all together.

So, Michael took 7 weeks of his paid vacation time to be with me and the baby. It was great, but tiring and stressful. We still continued to argue over the tiniest things. I had to learn to let him do things his way with the baby (leave the room if you have to, I figured out! Haha). In October, Michael dropped a bomb on me: He wanted me to move out, and he was canceling the house deal.

I was shocked, hurt, angry, and in denial. I talked to friends and family (whom I love dearly but are not the type of friends or family that I could just go and stay with…) and I decided to stand my ground and say, “I’m not moving out yet. I’m only 8 weeks postpartum!” Sophia and I moved into her nursery and we continued our breastfeeding relationship. Things began to get extremely tense with Michael. One day we discussed how things would be as far as him seeing our daughter when we moved out. We ended up arguing because he thought he should have her some nights out of the week since he had been getting up with her for one night-time feeding (she had, and still has, 3 per night). I disagreed, because I knew it would compromise our breastfeeding arrangement, and I was not prepared to let her sleep somewhere without me at such a young age.

Eventually Michael filed for a PFA (Protection from Abuse) with the court due to “verbal abuse.” The PFA also included an eviction which is what he was after. He just wanted me out, immediately. I had been resisting moving out because I had not worked since I was 5 months pregnant and he had been supporting me. He was my only source of income. I was also really nervous to live alone again, and even more nervous to live alone with Sophia. After a lot of anxiety, crying, feeling sorry for myself, and praying, I agreed to move out if he paid for the move and if he agreed to pay monthly child support. I am a part time student and when I start school again this semester I will also have student loans to live off of. So financially I WILL be taken care of, I just need to learn to budget.

So now Sophia and I live one block away from her father (that’s right, I moved into an apartment building one block away). He has her 3 hours a day. It’s not a lot of time but it’s better than none! He will also be watching her when I take my classes at school. Though as of yet, we are not friends (tried that and it didn’t really work….he doesn’t want me to come into his apartment because he needs his space, and although it seems extreme, I can understand it, sort of.) I am hoping that one day we will be able to get along as friends do. We do still communicate about our daughter and we both love her very much. She’s healthy, and happy, and adorable! I have a therapy session once a week and am learning ways to cope as a single mother. I am sloooowly losing the weight and though I haven’t been exercising much since I moved out, I plan to start again. I am still breastfeeding as well. I really love it and Sophia really loves it, so I want to do it as long as I can!

Sharing my story with all of you is part of my healing process. I could keep analyzing the “whys” of the situation, and keep thinking of all the things I did wrong and could have changed, but that is not what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to be a good mother to Sophia, and that is what I plan to be. Although things did not turn out the way I had hoped, imagined, planned for, and wanted so desperately, they turned out the way they were supposed to, and the best part is- it’s not over- I have a whole life to keep living with my daughter, and I am in charge of my destiny!

Thank you for reading this.

PS. I could have easily gotten Postpartum Depression (and still could!), but I have been on the lookout for it. I have added fish oil capsules to my supplement routine and they have really helped my mental and physical health!

Picture Captions:
#1: About 4 weeks pregnant.
#2: 20 days before giving birth (1 week late!)
#3. 5 months PP.

Update (Jill)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Update 1 Comment

Original entry here.

i’m now almost 6 months pp and i feel i have to update my last entry. since whining all about my unhappiness over my new mom-bod i have continued to work hard (even through the holidays!) and am happy to report my progress. i just ran my first 5k, am back into all my clothes, i’m still nursing full time, doing my pilates faithfully (i’m almost addicted, it is soo calming!), and am feeling pretty great about who i am. i still miss my smooth skin and work diligently on fading these stinking stretch marks but whatever. the lights can always be turned off right ;) also, the guys on “the biggest loser” (LOVE that show) usually have a few stretchies and i know they didn’t get those from growing a baby. spread the word, ANYONE can get them! :) sorry no new pics. my camera is being craaazy!

age: 22
first pregnancy
postpartum: 32 weeks

Updated here and here.

My Beautiful/Crazy Motherhood (Nichole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

~Age:23
~Number of pregnancies and births:3 & 3
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: ages 7, 5, 2

Well this site just made me feel 100% better! Let me start from the beginning! I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I am 5’2″ have been since the age 14 & I weighted about 115/120 lbs. By the time I went in to have my first little girl I was 16 & weighed 175 lbs. I remember waking up one morning for school & putting on my “big” overalls at 9 months pregnant & busting the ties on the sides of the overalls. I cried .. a lot. But my pregnacy went great & my labor was new, so it was painful & emotionally draining but nonetheless it went good. My daughter was 7 lbs even & beautiful. I was a single mom at 16 but I had my mom and family & it was great. Then at the age 18, I started dating the same guy, (just fyi he is also the same one I lost my virginity to, and now is my wonderful husband almost ten years later) I got pregnant again. This time I weighed about 120 & when I went to to have our son (6lbs 4oz) I weighed 140 & miraculously weighed 125 when I left the hospital. We had a lot of problems & we split up. Then 2 years later we were back together & I got pregnant with our 2nd little girl. I weighed about 140 when I got pregnant with her & 160 when I had her. Then this in Feb’09 we finally made official and got married. I guess after all that babbling the entire reason for my post to begin with is that, I’ve been with my (now husband) on & off for nearly 10 years. He remembers the pre-stretchmark, pre-baby gut me & I always feel like he couldnt possibly be attracted to the me i am now. But finding this site & realizing im not alone in feeling that way really helped me. We are beautiful & stretch marks & baby guts are what makes us the mommys we are! & if my husband has been around through 3 baby & hormonal pregnancies and is ok with it then I can be ok with who i am & how i am. P.s. we’re now expecting baby #4 in september. I’m about 6 weeks! Cheers to all you beautiful moms!