Second Pregnancy

Marks of Life (Shi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, Collaborative, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 at time of writing this, currently now have three!
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: at the time my boys were 2.5 and 1 month old. They are now almost 5, 2.5, and 7months

I wrote this back when you had a post about writing a letter to your body. I had sat down and let my feeling flow, and this is what I ended up with. I hadn’t posted this, since it was written only for me and was privet but found it recently and re-reading actually made me tear up. I am now a Mommy to three boys, and I love my body and all the marks of life it holds. I thought some might benefit from reading this :) I am a Mommy, and I look like one!

Dear Body,

Wow, this is a really great idea, something that almost anyone I know would likely tell me I DON’T need to do, that I am one of the “lucky few”, that having to even think of doing this is beyond ridiculous. But I am human, and no matter how perfect I may seem to someone else, we women are always able to see any and all flaws. Its funny that I make excuses for why others look worse, or that they look that way, but I never should have…I didn’t have too. I do try so hard, and I DO love you body, your beautiful, I love your shape, and you have done amazing things for me. Those two boys you nurtured are the most precious things in my life. Its funny that I KNOW I have a lot less marks than most people, and that I don’t have that extra skin, or extra fat, but every now and then thoughts will creep into my head about how I WOULDN’T have them if I’d only taken better care, exercised MORE (How the heck can a pregnant Mom of a toddler exercise MORE that 3 times a week!!) I SHOULDN’T have ate so much at the end in fear of not being able to Home Birth because my baby was small, I should have LOADED that oil on like I did the first time, how silly of me.

The worst part of all is that one single skinny, stretch mark free person can take all the pride I have put into my marks, and challenge it. I LOVE them, they are like an art to me, a scar to remember something amazing, and yet every now and then I can see one picture of one person, and my heart will sink…I WAS that person, I could STILL be that person. The stupid thing is I AM that beautiful Mom, I do have that great post babies body, I look amazing….but somehow I look in the mirror and compare it to society’s “perfect” that was staring at me in that picture.

Why did I put so so much pride after my first baby in the fact that I was tiny AND mark free???? How is that something to hold so much PRIDE in???? SO WHAT if the guys could look at me at the beach, and never know I had a baby….with MY body people can look at me at the beach and KNOW that I have babies…and I still look good!!! I have my man, and I have my babies, and I am NOT looking to attract more shallow men to stare at my sexy figure. I AM A MOMMY, I am striving to have my BABIES stare at me in awe!!! I want my husband and my kids to be attracted to ME, to my love, to my devotion, to my life. How is some random person thinking for a random moment that “wow, she didn’t get any stretch marks” some how a greater reward that my SON, and my HUSBAND running their hands over my life marks, and looking in awe at a map that shows the amazing road I have traveled, the amazing things I have done, the love that I shared when I shared my body with another human, a precious baby, to nourish them, and to give them LIFE, how could I NOT have wanted some outward sign to cherish these moments?

I have two wonderful, giggling, amazing boys, I have a husband who loves me and says to me that my marks “remind me of how much you sacrificed for our family”, he can look at my naked form, and remember each time that great big belly so full of life and love, and remember the moments I nourished our little ones in our womb. Why would I prefer that he be able to look at me for the remainder of my years and remember NOTHING of that time, or have no “motherly, womanly” features to admire, but rather to just see a hot wife, who didn’t change even while giving birth to two of his sons? He loves it, as do I, and when I question this, it actually hurts deep in my soul, like the greatest cheat I have even done to my own life.

I know that I love them, it is only the pictures of naked scar free, post baby bellies that makes me wince, and feel jealousy for a small amount of time. I can proudly walk the swimming pool with my two boys by my side, in my bikini with my marks for all to see, then suddenly a day later, I can see a picture, and wonder if maybe I am wrong, and I should buy a more covering suit, and hide these marks that some may think are a deep imperfection, and a flaw that occurred in my flesh. HOW MUCH MORE WRONG COULD THOSE THOUGHTS BE!!!!!?????? How much more right I was when I was proudly wearing my real, home made, beautiful tattoos. Women will mark with ink their tribute to their child on their bodies. They find it beautiful to permanently etch in a name with a cold, vibrating little knife. I HOLD MY BABIES TRIBUTE DEEP IN MY SKIN, beyond the surface layer, with nothing fake, phony, or cheap. I hold the map of their entry into existence. I hold a map of my journey from one child to desperation for another, and agony, and tears, and prayer after prayer. And then these little lines appeared, this little piece of “Baby art” was drawn about my belly, as that child I longed for, I prayed for, and I agonized for grew, and grew, and grew, as God fulfilled each one of his deep promises to me and as i lived in awe and unending gratefulness, and as he etched within my body, onto my womb which held these children, a sign that will never disappear, some marks that will be with me for the rest of my days, amazing, beautiful, pieces of my soul, shown right there, in that place where these miracles took place.

Would I ever go back and change a thing? You better believe….not a chance. They are as precious as the family they describe.

Februrary 24, 2008.

Slowly Gaining Self-Acceptance (Becc)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 23 and have 2 beautiful boys. My eldest is 6 and my youngest is 10 months. I have always been a larger shaped women and with a husband my height, my body issues have been hard to deal with, knowing we are around the same weight. After having my youngest, I feel as if I have turned into a blob. My belly looks like a jellyfish has begun to house on it and I have the biggest apron. I had a c-section with my youngest which I wasn’t expecting. I know I need to exercise more but I don’t feel up to it when I have body issues. When I feel great and sexy, for some reason, I want to exercise and feel even better. When I am having a fat day, i just want to wallow. I feel better after finding this website and finding out that women feel the same way as me. I just want to accept me and feel great to be me. I have the 2 healthiest boys in the world, why can that not be enough??? I feel selfish and harsh for wanting more. Here is a photo of me taken today.

2nd Baby 12 weeks PP, I Hate My Body! (2nd Time Mom)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first and gave birth when I was 19, and then when I had just turned 21 I became pregnant again, and Just gave birth in March. My baby is 12 weeks old. She weighed 8 lbs 2 oz I am breastfeeding and doing Wii Fit to try and get back in to shape but these stretch marks are very depressing!! At my highest pregnancy weight I was 192, and 2 weeks after I gave birth I was 158 and I have gained 10 lbs back so I am at about 168. My goal is to be 145, but that is a long term goal. It has taken a lot to submit this, so please be nice!

1st pic is pre pregnancy, about 6 months before.
2nd pic is the night I went in to labor with my 2nd
3rd pic is 2 days pp
4th pic is 12 weeks pp
5th is 12 weeks pp

~Your Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: almost 3 years and 12 weeks

22, Surviving a 2yr Old and Newborn Twins! (Sierra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, Update 18 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies: 2, 3 children
Age: 2 yrs old, and 2 week old twins (2 weeks postpartum)

I had my first child, my son at age 20, he was 7lbs 11oz born vaginally and perfect in every way! i got thru the entire pregnancy no stretchmarks or anything lost all the baby weight and then some by the time he was 10 mos old, and was in better shape than i had been in high school! 5 mos after his 1st birthday i found out i was pregnant, at 9 wks 4days i found out i was expecting twins!! I freaked!! My bf has 2 sets of fraternal twins in his family and i have 2 sets of twins in my family so i guess it was inevitable!! i was very scared at first and later elated! our twin girls were born 4 days before my son’s 2nd birthday on May 19th 2009, at 36wks 6days, both were in the Nicu due to breathing problems 5 days after birth we got to bring the smaller of the twin girls home she weighed 4lbs 14oz at birth and 10 days later we finally got to bring our other baby girl home she weighed 5lbs 8oz!! I should say i’m very luck i gained a little over 45lbs during my pregnancy and have minimal stretchmarks, i’ve already lost 24lbs after just 14days and hoping to lose the rest fairly quickly…I’m totally in love with all of my children and they are a complete blessing to me, i must say i was completely mortified at how my stomach would look postpartum and i guess i should say i’m rather lucky and after seeing so many other posts i should think i have nothing to complain about. there are so many strong and wonderful women on here and this is truly a beautiful and inspiring website!!

Pic #1 & 2: 14 mos postpartum w/ my son
pic #3 & 4: 8 mos preg w/ twins
pic # 5: 14 days postpartum w/ twins…

Updated here and here.

2 Years Postpartum and Still Can’t Come to Terms (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 38 Comments

Number of Pregnancies: 2 and 1 live birth
Children :1 child, almost 2 1/2 years post partum

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating this website that allows me not to feel so alone and to understand that I am not the only woman struggling to cope with the changes brought after pregnancy. I first logged on last year but didn’t have the courage to write my story and rather less post pictures of myself. I never thought my body was perfect but pretty close to it, I had a marvelous self image growing up and into my college years. When I walked into a room, heads turned and I walked like I owned it because in my mind my beauty gave me power. I was 5’5, 110 pounds with perky breasts, a tiny waist a butt that fit perfectly with my slender body and all with no effort on my part. I loved my body and each year waited anxiously for bikini season to arrive to show it off.

I had my daughter shortly before my 23rd birthday, the pregnancy was unexpected but welcomed none the less.I wasn’t married and my parents took my pregnancy hard, especially my mother who had greater hopes for me of pursuing my post baccalaureate degree.I had a horrible pregnancy and was either sick or vomiting up until my delivery. Adding to this was the sudden death of my mother during my pregnancy, I was still mourning what felt like the loss of part or my heart while trying to open my heart and arms for another human being. My daughter was perfect and I was happy with her but deep down inside wanted nothing to do with her, she had ruined my beautiful body. I would think to myself, what if I dropped her, would my life go back to normal..would my body come back, most importantly would my mother come back? Of course not, my mother was dead and nothing would bring her back.I felt so lonely I couldn’t sleep at night and always was tired in the day. The birth of a child is an event you share with your mother and she gives you advice at 3am on how to handle situations and there I was motherless with a child in my arms. For the sake of everyone I did my best to put my emotions aside and continue with life, smiling pretending to be happy. Thinking back, it wasn’t baby blues it was probably post partum depression toppled with the mourning of my mothers death.

At my highest weight I was 165 before delivery and maybe lost 15 pounds after that. During my pregnancy,in a matter if 6 months I went from a size A bra to almost a DD when my milk came in after delivery. I breast fed for about a month and a half but found it too difficult to continue as my daughter didn’t latch correctly so it was just frustrating and I was not in denial of my massive breast which made the whole experience just frustrating.I got on the Depo Provera Shot shortly after, and hated it. I was depressed and I could not lose weight regardless of how hard I tried, I always just thought I’d bounce back I came from thin genes where women just bounced back after pregnancy. I switched birth control and eventually began to lose weight once the shot hormones had left my system (takes up to a year after your last injection for it to leave your body completely.) Up until last year I was 135 pounds and I began to eat organically and avoid processed sugars and high fructose corn syrup. I am now 116 pounds and still hate my body. Part of me is still in denial that my body will never go back to the way it use to be. I hate looking at swim suit catalogs now because that was me before, I had that beautiful stomach and those cute little breast and now its gone and I sometimes do a double take in the mirror unwilling to accept that this is me. Full of stretch marks and hanging skin that wont go away with exercise. I am 25 years old and I hate my body, this same person that showed off her body in all its glory like a trophy for all to see and envy now hates it. My daughter is my world and I would not go back in time if it meant keeping my body and not having her but every time I see a mirror I cringe at what pregnancy did to my body and I feel so powerless at times. I don’t command all heads to turn anymore, not because I am not beautiful but because I don’t feel beautiful. I am at war with myself and the mirror, with the demons of my past and the fears of the present.

My logic tells me that who I am as a woman, as a mother is not dependent on my physical appearance but when all my life my self worth was based on something so shallow, how do shift perspectives? How do I retrain my mind and my heart to love more than the reflection I see in the mirror? How do I come to terms when I am bombarded by images of Heidi Klum and her perfect post pregnancy body when I know she had chefs and nannies and options not available to most women?

Thank you all for reading my story, and I hope it will encourage others to tell their stories and bring them one step closer to liberation from their worst critiques, ourselves. The pictures below I took this morning, almost 2 1/2 years after giving birth. My breast are covered in stretch marks from going up almost 4 bra sizes in a short time, they have no fullness on top and I have a very hard time finding bras that fit. Believe it or not I wear a C, often times a D cup because there is so much left over sagging skin that it overflows in anything smaller. My husband calls them “his little pancakes” because of their shape, I want to love them but in all honesty would jump at the chance of breast implants, not for the size but at least to get the fullness back on top and not feel like I have the breast of a woman twice my age.

Updated here.

32 Year Old Mom of 2 Boys (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

~Your Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 boys ages 20 months and 5 months

At 5’7″, I weighed 145 lbs all through high school. I was all muscle, and on the cheerleading squad, and I thought I was so overweight. I went on fad diets, but nothing really worked. In college, I wasn’t
active at all anymore, and my weight crept up to 160, then higher and higher, until 2002, when at the age of 25 I went through a divorce. About a month after my divorce was final, I was at my highest weight,
225 lbs.

Over the next 5 years, I had success losing weight with Body for Life. However, I would always get to 180 lbs and be STUCK. After I gave up on Body for Life, I went back to 220 lbs. Miserable, I joined Weight
Watchers and over the next 5 months, I went back to 180 lbs. I was very excited to finally break the plateau, and then I surprisingly found out I got pregnant on my 30th birthday.

I had an easy pregnancy, but I gained 70 lbs. :( I was 250 exactly when I gave birth. I went back to Weight Watchers when my son was 5 days old. I had my heart on breastfeeding, but my son refused to
nurse because I was so engorged. I ended up becoming an EPer (exclusive pumper), and did so for 6 months. By then, I had lost all 70 lbs and was back to 180, and was excited to once again try and
break my 180-lb mark. Then, my milk supply dried up. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. My son was 6 months, his demand didn’t change, yet I couldn’t make any milk anymore. I took a pregnancy test
just in case. Surprise! I was pregnant again!

Rinse and repeat, seriously. I gained 70 lbs AGAIN, and was 250 when I gave birth. I was induced with my 1st baby, but my 2nd son came out on his own after the easiest birth ever. 6 hours of labor from
beginning to end, and 2 pushes. If I hadn’t chickened out and made it through the 3 hours I had the epidural, I could have birthed him at home in my tub (if it were legal in my state, which it is not). I was
up within 1 hour, and praise the Lord, he nursed like a champ.

Now we are 5 months postpartum, and I am once again nearing the 180 mark. I am so anxious, because I really do love the way I look in some ways. But I’m ready to try for the final time to become fit.
It’s so unknown though. My husband had a vasectomy 1 week ago, as we know we don’t want anymore children. It’s been so long since I’ve been under 180. I want to be around 140, but I have a lot of work
ahead of me. I am also really unhappy with my breasts. All of the pumping and nursing has taken a toll, and I am not opposed to getting a lift if (I mean, WHEN) I get to my ultimate goal weight.

My husband cannot keep his hands off of me. He loves my breasts and my butt. I am not a self-conscious person usually. When I go out, I feel sexy, and I love to feel sexy around my husband. But I know my
boys are going to be so active, and I want to be active with him. I love them so much, so absolutely. They are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at my body, I see them. I still look
at both of them with awe, and I always tell my husband, “I can’t believe we made them, and that they came from my body!” It is so amazing.

Wow, just writing all of that out made me feel so different about myself. Definitely more positive. I am a mother. This is my shape. I could look better, but my kids are healthy, happy, and the product
of a lot of hard work.

Thanks for letting me share my story!

1. 2003, 6 years before pregnancy, when I got to 180 for the first time.
2. Same as #1, just the back
3. 2 weeks before I gave birth to my 1st son (250 lbs)
4. 2 days before I gave birth to my 2nd son (250 lbs)
5. 1 hour after my 2nd son was born (230 lbs)
6. Same, from the side (230 lbs)
7. 6 weeks PP with #2 (about 210 lbs)
8-11. Today, 5 months PP (186 lbs)32

My Second Entry – Still Trying to Accept Me (Angele)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Diastasis Recti, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Original entry here.

~Your Age: 28.. almost 29.
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My children are almost 8 and almost 4; 3 and a half years PP.

Hello to all you wonderful ladies,

I have written in here before and wanted to update. In my last entry (3 years and still this?!?!) I talked about saving up for a tummy tuck; I had my first consultation with a plastic surgeon and I found out that I would indeed benefit from a TT. I have abdominal diastasis (muscle seperation) of approx. 3 inches. The Dr. explained my stomach to me, regarding the weird indent I have on my bottom belly..you can actually see where the muscle is seperated!…

I have lost some weight since my last entry, and it has not improved the look of my stomach, if anything it just hangs more now. I visit this site every day to simply get inspired and hope to find the strength and courage you ladies have. It is always difficult to see the beauty in oneself.. I hope to get there one day!

For now, I am content in seeing the beauty of my 2 little girls who make it all worth it! :)

My pictures are as follows:
3.5 years PP:
Pic 1: front sucked in
Pic 2: front relaxed
Pic 3: side relaxed
Pic 4: side sucked in
Pic 5: Muscle split
Pic 6:My little ones :)

Updated here.

8 Months Postpartum After Two Children (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

im 22 years old, i became pregnant at age 19 and on my 21st first birthday, *happy birthday mommy, here is your failing epidural!!!*

my stomach was actually worse with my first child after she was born, even though my second was a pound larger weighing in at 8lbs 9oz and she gave me more stretch marks but i made a point to eat very healthy and be active, took liquid collagen supplements you can get at any health/supplement store, and lots of vitamin C as it is a key factor in collagen production and religously applied firming serum to my belly, im now gonna start wearing body shapers that i ordered on ebay which i should have done long ago, my belly just gets better and better every month, still depresses me all the time but i made a 2 year rule, if my skin doesnt smooth out in two years after my last baby i will save up for one more year for a tummy tuck, i did have a tubal ligation so im done having babies, im having a breast reduction in july as i have 34 DDD and they are causing back problems for me, but ill admit ill miss my pre baby boobies i couldnt even breast feed for very long with either of them cause my back couldnt handle it, but in time ill be back in my bikini and be comfortable in my own skin, and im sure with lots of help, planning and support all moms can do the same, but taking time out for yourself to be active and vent out will help all frustration and depression, everyday is a mothers day, so take care of yourselves!!!

9 Years Ago (Elle)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

9 years ago I was 18 years old. I had just finished high school and was happy. My plan never included children. I met him on a warm night in August. I became pregnant a few weeks later. I lost my child at 22 weeks gestation. It was depressing and sad. I was a mess. I thought then that I wanted another child. I conceived my daughter on my 19th birthday. I was 170lbs. I gained 23lbs while I was pregnant and gave birth at 193lbs. I breastfed a short time before I was forced to go back to work. That is when I started gaining weight. I was 270lbs 2 years ago. I looked awful. I felt awful. The stretch marks, the saggy boobs, the flabby belly, I was disgusted with myself. I worked little by little in small ways to change the way I looked. I exercised a little more, ate a little better, went out of my way to walk an extra few feet everywhere I went. Today, I am 217lbs. I am still very much overweight, but I am so much healthier and happier than I was this time last year. I took some photos of myself just to see the difference in front of me. I don’t keep mirrors in the house that reflect below the waist. I am so surprised that I am a large sexy woman. I have a beautiful child that I woudn’t trade for the world and I thought she ruined me. I thought she turned me into a stagnant blob. Thank goodness I was wrong! I couldn’t be more pleased and this just makes me want to try that much harder to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight.

I am a few weeks shy of 27 years old
I have had 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
I am 7 years postpartum
plus sized mom