Mothers with Health Complications

5 yrs Fibro and Autism (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

age: 27
number of pregnancies/births : 1/1
age of child: 5.5

I am a plus size mom and wanted to represent more of us bigger moms since it is a little lacking. I am 324lbs at 5yrs postpartum. I am comfortable with my body, I deal with the constant pain of fibromyalgia every day and homeschool my 5yr old who has autism.

I was 250lb at 6weeks pp, but once my fibromyalgia started and I needed to start taking anti-depressants I started to pack on the weight. I probably rely on the therapeutic properties of chocolate too much some days, but its better than getting drunk. I have stretch marks everywhere, cellulite, rolls and scars from my gall bladder surgery, but my husband still finds me as sexy as the day I married him. I view my body as a map of my travels as a mother so far, one day I will lose some weight but these marks will always be with me and I am proud of them because inside my stomach I nurtured my child for 9mths. My breasts may sag but they breastfed my child for 2.5yrs.

I am woman, hear me roar!

Is that a football in your belly? No, it’s just extra skin. (Erin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

My age: 34
# of pregnancies and births: 2, both by c-section
Children ages: almost 4 and almost 2

I’m not a tall woman. I stand at only 5′ 1/2″. I feel like I’ve always struggled with my weight. I have always worn C-D bra sizes, so I’ve always been pretty “gifted” in that area. As for everything else, I have always felt a little “fluffy”. Looking back at my “younger” pictures, I only now realize that I used to have a nice body… Hindsight – it’s a double edged sword, isn’t it…

I gained just about 29-35’ish lbs with both of my sons’ pregnancies. I BELIEVE my starting pre-pregnancy weight was around 135-140… I remember weighing in at 146 when I got pregnant the second time. I held at a pretty consistent 157-158lbs after the second son was born (up until a couple of weeks ago).
I have what I call a “fanny pack” – the nice loose skin that so many mothers talk about. Like I said, I call it a fanny pack, even though it kind of has the shape of a football… Neither create positive mental pictures.

I had started exercising, minimally and not consistently, and easily burnt out because the semi-dedication did not lead to the desired results… Who knew, right?

Over the past few weeks. I’ve invested in a stationary bike, which I try to ride at least for a little while each day, I’ve started walking about 2 miles per day, I use our in-home gym each night for minimal weightlifting, and then I close the day with various stretches. I’m trying to find a happy medium, something that will get me results and that will not lead to mental or physical burn out. As of right now, I’m weighing in at 152.8lbs and feel like I’ve started to tone up. I feel like it’s a good step, but I’m not sure if I’m going about things right or doing what I should be doing to see the maximum results for my efforts.

Oh, did I mention that I suffer from depression, anxiety, and multiple sclerosis? I was thinking that if I was exercising, I could probably get rid of my depression due to the extra endorphins, but that isn’t happening (found that out the hard way after just missing one “happy pill”). My doc tells me that the depression, though it might get a little better with the exercising, is probably here to stay due to the MS. Lovely… The multiple sclerosis also impacts overall energy – so if I over do something, I have difficulty walking and functioning for a good time afterwards. I am trying to incorporate new technologies (e.g. cooling vests) to hopefully prolong my energy during exercise, but it’s still in the experimental stages for me. Also with the MS, I have to take daily/nightly injections – rotating the “lucky” location each day. So each leg, arm, and hip, along with the stomach gets a turn to be tortured. The shots can range from not too bad to really quite painful and the affects can last for either hours or sometimes days. Also, because of the daily shots, there is a greater possibility of tissue loss – wonderful, huh? So, not only has pregnancy and childbirth played twister with my body, but now the shots are, too? Ugh… Just something else to look forward to…

I say all of the at to say that I really am trying now to lose weight an start to feel better about myself. I believe my mindset is finally where it needs to be to push myself to be able to see results, but I fear the mysterious uphill journey that I’m on is not as consistent as I’d like it to be. Again, I don’t want to do too much or become so overly obsessive, so that I can’t function or have a harder time functioning and staying true to a goal. I also don’t want to burn out, either mentally or physically, and just get so disheartened by the whole process. I want to see results, and I would LOVE to see the person I KNOW is possible to be reflected back to me in a mirror.

People used to find me attractive, and now, I even wonder if my husband, when asked/prodded, says he finds me attractive, pretty, and sexy only because he’s bound to think that by the matrimony vows we took, as well as because he’s a good guy. Would I do me? Nah, I don’t think so – not unless the room was very dark and I was laying 100% of the time on my back to call less attention to the fanny pack.

This past week, I made a consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon in town. He tooted his horn, telling me he could take 5-6″ off of my waist and by the time the tummy tuck and lipo procedures were done and healed from, I would be within 1-2lbs of my ideal weight… He told me I could have a flat stomach. That is something I’ve NEVER had – it’s just never been in my genes… To me, that would be the icing or the gravy – my main concern is my fanny pack… I want that GONE! I was really quite pleased that he complimented my hips and thighs – saying they would need no work, but then he threw out a “you have boy hips” comment. What the heck is that all about? I don’t want to look like some magazine super model girl, I just want to look like me – with less of a tummy!!!! So, after the consultation, I learned to that the cost of everything he wants to do to me is $8000!!!!! OUCH!!!!!

So, now I’m somewhat back to square one, looking for anything (suggestions, positive reinforcement, guidance) to help me feel better about myself and get to a happy place weight wise…

Help????

So Many Scars (Audrey)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Children with Health Complications, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean) 6 Comments

I’m finally healing on the inside as well as out. I am 18.5 months postpartum. My daughter Shannon was born via cesarean after 46 hours of labor and it was quite the blow for me. She also had an unknown birth defect (omphalocele) that required surgery the day after her birth. I didn’t hold my daughter until two days after she was born.

My journey to motherhood has been painful and my ability to bond with my daughter was severely crippled due to the trauma of the c/s and the following surgery and NICU stay. I finally feel I am beginning to heal from that. Part of it is forgiving my body and learning to accept the physical changes. I recently lost 20 pounds and am finally beginning to accept myself as I am. As I look at these pictures, I see so many scars that each have a story. I myself had surgery as a baby and I still have the scars from that and the feeding tube. It’s an additional link of commonality with my daughter. The stretch marks and especially the c/s scar are barely noticeable these days.

Ignore the bruise – I have taken up hoop dancing as part of my journey to accept myself.

My daughter is the sweetest little girl I could ever imagine. I am so blessed to have her and I treasure every moment. Although I would change the experience of her birth if I could, it IS still worth it. I can finally say that.

The first five pictures are me currently. The 6th is my daughter and the 7th is my belly at 35 weeks.

I Hate My Stomach (Emma)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, NICU, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I never liked my body before I got pregnant at 18, but after going through a very rough pregnancy, I wish I had appreciated it more when I could. My pregnancy was unplanned, and I spent much of it wondering if I was making the right decision. It was also rough on me physically – I was out of shape to begin with and I put on a lot of weight very quickly. Because I have type 1 diabetes, my baby grew larger than average, and as a result I was measuring full-term at about 27 weeks. I literally could only walk for a few minutes at a time, and was in almost constant pain – so much so that when I went into spontaneous labor at nearly 33 weeks, all I felt was relief that I was done being pregnant. When Zoey was born she weighed 7 lbs 10 oz. Even though she looked like a full-term baby, internally she was still 7 weeks early. She stayed in the NICU for 3 weeks and came home with no complications, thank god.

Before pregnancy I weighed 160 lbs (at 5’2″ I was already overweight). When I delivered, I was 218. I managed to lose most of the weight fairly quickly, but my clothes still didn’t fit. Almost 7 months after giving birth, I’m down to 150 lbs (with a goal of 130), but I still can’t button most of my jeans. I still look like I’m pregnant. I keep my gut constantly sucked in. My love handles are humongous. Even my back is fatter than before. My breasts… oh, my breasts. Zoey struggled to nurse, so I’ve been pumping so I can still give her my milk. But now my once full, high breasts droooop halfway down my stomach. I don’t even care about the stretch marks. I just miss having smooth, unwrinkled skin. I miss having a decent shape.

My baby girl will be 7 months old in a few weeks, and I’m still in awe of her. I can’t believe how amazing and perfect she is. But I wish I could love myself, too.

Pic 1 is me at 27 weeks
Pic 2 is me about 1 month postpartum
Pic 3 is me 6.5 months postpartum
Pic 4 is me 6.5 months postpartum
Pic 5 is Zoey, the day she was born
Pic 6 is Zoey today

~Age: 19
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 months

Irelynd

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 28 Comments

Irelynd
Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies’
Age of Irelynd: 5 weeks 2 days

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Irelynd, at first I cried I was told I couldn’t get pregnant since I have some genetic diseases that made it near impossible to carry a child. My mom wanted me to get an abortion since I am in my last year of college, to which I thought about doing, but I couldn’t figure out why God gave me this child if I was told I couldn’t get pregnant so I decided to have her. Needless to say the pregnancy was very hard, I had debiliateing migraines everyday for three months, I mean I lost my vision my ability to speak threw up all the time was in a dark room for three months it was terrible. I did not gain any weight until I was 5 month pregnant I thought that since it was so far in I would not gain much weight. I was WRONG I started off 118, and a week before I had her I was 171.

I have been a gymnast since I could walk and working out and eating healthy was a major part of my life. I worked out everyday of my pregnancy, even with the migraines I still worked out in my room since I felt worse to not work out. I grew up in a gym, homeschooled with other gymnast we had weigh ins I was an elite gymnast so weight and body image is something I have always struggled with. I was so scared to gain weight scared to get fat, scared that I would go back to high school cutting if I got fat. Just afraid that I would become depressed because I would hate myself. Well I didn’t cut ( go me), but I did become depressed, I hated mirrors and still do, pictures are even worse and make me feel HUGE. My husband has told me from day one how beautiful I am, how attractive I am but how could I be when I was huge and still feel huge.

I also was so afraid to get stretch marks, My sister had a baby and gained 87 pounds she has stretch marks from head to toe and I dredged that. Needless to say I used stretch mark preventative lotion about 10-12 times a day to prevent them. I didn’t, I have them on my hips, my thighs, my butt, boobs, stomach, and inner thighs. I cried, I know there is nothing I can do but I did so much to not get them. I mean I worked out everyday. I was the fat pregnant person that everyone stared at when I went to the gym specially since I’m in college so they are all college kids. I lotion all the time, drank nothing but water. I tried to watch my weight gain since I have Celiac I’m allergic to most foods that could even make me gain weight. But I did.

Then that day came Irelynd was born Jan 31 2010, she was tiny only 6 pounds 15. ounces cute as a button and I fell in love. I love being a mom, I love her like I have never loved anyone before. But I hate my body, I hate that I can’t get it back. Despite what I was told or heard I started working out 3 days after I had her, I’m not good at taking a break. ( I had to go take a test for a class when I left the hospital after having her) I have been working out none stop for weeks and have only lost 32 pounds, which may seem like a lot but I lost that in two weeks and have been stuck at the number. I hate my stretch marks, I hate that my beautiful boobs have now a tear drop look. I’m self conscious when I have sex, specially when I’m on top because my boobs look so gross. Speaking of boobs, I wore a bra everyday all day even at night through my pregnancy to not get a sag, and they did. My husband thinks I’m attractive and tells me all the time but I have the hardest time believing him. I can’t imagine how he could be attracted to me. I’m one of five girls all who look like I did pre pregnancy and are beautiful and I’m still Huge. I know that my daughter is worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just can’t wait to get back to normal. And I know you may be thinking your nuts you look fine but since I was a gymnast fine isn’t okay, I have to look fantastic. Specially since I still coach gymnastics and have lost all my athletic shape, my ability to do anything above a level 6 which is sad. I want to be thin again, I want to look muscular again.

Sorry I don’t mean to rant but I just need to get it off my chest because I don’t feel like anyone understands and it is great to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as me.

Picture 1. Before pregnancy (I know my boobs are hanging out but I just won a 1000$ bikini contest)
Picture 2. Forty weeks prego
Picture 3. Hours after having Irelynd
Picture 4. Four weeks P.P
Picture 5. Four weeks P.P

Overcome with Emotion (Liz)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I had a baby boy by c section in July of 2003 and I was overjoyed. I gained 65 pounds with the pregnancy, and lost a small portion of it slowly over 6 years. In February 2009, I wasn’t happy at all with the way I looked and it showed in my marraige. I felt for many years that my husband wasn’t attracted to me. I found out I was pregnant on Valentines Day 2009. I had a very hard pregnancy in which I developed a heart condition as well as preeclampsia. I was bed ridden from 8 weeks on. Needless to say this didn’t do much for my already struggling sex life. Moving foward I delivered a baby boy by c section on September 22nd. He was 5 weeks premature and had health issues. I became very depressed. I have pulled out of the depression some, while talking to my doctor and support from my friends and family…but EVERY time I look in the mirror I cry. I am overcome with emotion about how much I hate my body. I love my baby so much and I would never change anything but how could I be so ugly? I cannot excersize due to the heart condition that has lingered after pregnancy. The stress of a preemie drove me to the fridge…the only comfort I had. My husband tries to be nice but is is clear that he is not attracted to me at all. He has trouble getting in the mood and I can understand why. I have never felt uglier or fatter in my entire life.

I am 29 years old
4 months post partum
2 beautiful baby boys delivered c section one 6 one 4 months

First pic is me 4 months post partum, then my 2 boys, then me before my second pregnancy

Update Post (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

My first post was called “I wish I could love my body“.

Well its been 3 months since my last post and Ive been trying to find the time to fit in workouts. When my son was 6 weeks old I ended up in hospital with gall bladder stones. I had between 20-30 attacks over the next 5 months, putting me back in hospital 3 times. I finally was booked in for surgery about 2 months ago. 2 weeks after surgery I woke with the same pains. I had to call an ambulance for myself because I couldnt get ahold of anyone to take me to the hospital. The doctor had the nerve to tell me that I had anxiety problems due to being a single mother of such a small child. A week later, while on vacation, the same pains came back. I went to the hospital in the other city. They ended up finding I had stones lodged in my liver backing up the bile causing an infection. I was rushed back to my hometown for surgery because I was alone with my son there. While they were taking it out they knicked my spleen and I ended up with a double infection, hospitalized for 7 days. I didnt have help with my son really so I never got to fully heal. Finally 2 months later I am starting to feel normal again. Here are updated photos of me at 7.5 months pp. I think that there is a bit of a difference. What do you think? He is a VERY busy 7 and a half month old. I find myself constantly chasing after him. He began crawling a couple of weeks ago. Early starter! My weight has been going between 151-161 since the hospital. I cant seem to keep it steady and get below 150. Slowly but surely I am coming to terms with my new body, but would love to just be able to lose 10-15 more pounds and tone my flabby, streched marked stomache!

Photos – 7.5 months pp
Son – 7.5 months

Updated here and here.

Claire

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 27
First Pregnancy

Before I developed chronic pain I didn’t struggle much with body image issues. I was surrounded by strong friends who were super body-positive. I was also very athletic and that fostered a lot of love and trust between me and my body.

I developed chronic pain 2 1/2 years ago after being hit by a car on my bicycle. Having chronic pain has limited my ability to be athletic to very very gentle movement, and for this and other reasons my body changed a LOT. I lost most of my muscle mass and that wonderful feeling of adrenaline you get when your heart gets going. Even if my body hadn’t changed physically I would have developed body image issues; having chronic pain can cause one to feel that their body has betrayed them. Just being in pain all the time caused me to develop a lot of anger and grief towards my body. Further, I wanted to get pregnant and couldn’t. It took a lot of work and self-care to get off the pain meds and feel strong enough to try.

When I WAS able to get pregnant with my partner I felt like I would never have body image issues again! I felt that if I could make a baby with this body then I would only feel love and gratitude towards it. For the most part, that is what I have felt! But I’ve also learned that it’s just normal to have these ambivalent feelings arise during pregnancy. Most recently, now that I am 37 weeks pregnancy, I’ve developed stretch marks that I’m really struggling with. I have good days and bad days… days I feel acceptance and happiness about the changes in my body and days when I feel ugly and upset and unhappy. It’s awesome to see the diversity of bodies and stories on this website. The more I am able to see images like these and hear these stories the more validated I feel. I see how lovely everyone is and I can turn that feeling on myself.

Thanks for reading my story! These pictures are all of my at present, 37 weeks along.