Complications in Pregnancy

3 Years, 3 Surgeries, and 3 Kids Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean), Toxemia, Twins, Update 8 Comments

When I met my husband I was a 117lb senior in highschool. We got married December after we graduated (I was 18). 4 months into our marriage I found out I was pregnant. My first pregnancy was text book until I hit 37 weeks and Toxemia set in and I ballooned. I was 135lbs when i got pregnant and when I gave birth I weighed 187lbs. Fast forward and I decided to get the Mirena for birthcontrol. Well 2 months into it the IUD perforated my uterus. So we had to have a laproscopic surgery to have it removed. I had lost the weight (down to 140) and then went back up 186 (after antidepressants). When my gorgeous daughter was 9 months old I found out I was pregnant again! On Christmas eve (I was 20 weeks pregnant) I found out I was pregnant with identical twin boys. We were excited and nervous. I had a good pregnancy for twins, I started having contractions at 30 weeks and finally gave birth to my boys (5lbs 2 oz and 5lbs 10 oz). I went in weighing 199 lbs. Then came surgery number 2. I had a tubal ligation before I left the hospital. When the boys were about 6 months old I found out I had a gastral hernia (it was inbetween my belly button and my rib cage). So there was ANOTHER surgery. There has been a lot of stresses (Lost jobs, moving, money, etc…) And I currently weigh 188 (Just lost 4 lbs) I hate being an almost plus size and hate my body. My stretchmarks and scars and the bulges. My husband is so supportive of me, but I used to be the perfect body and now, I hate my body. I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. I am currently working on walking everynight and not eating so badly. But it is so HARD. This website has made me feel better. And those twin post pregnancy pictures I see my body and know im not the only one. I just see these moms that have just had kids and are into prepregnancy jeans and have like 1 stretchmark, and I feel like ive failed. But I have my 3 beautiful kids and a wonderful husband and for now that enough! Maybe a swimsuit body after some hard work?



Updated here.

Worried (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I just had my first baby 9 months (and a bit) ago. The pregnancy was very difficult and although I was told numerous times that I should have been enjoying myself, fun was the last thing I had.
When I found out that I was pregnant, it was the happiest day of my life. And yet, things were very surrealistic. Before being pregnant, I was only 165 lbs at 5’8. During the pregnancy, I gained 40 pounds. I remember that at the worst point, I weighed 220 lbs. I was mortified because I had finally achieved the body I had wanted to achieve. After that, very early in the pregnancy my symphisis split. Apparently, my daughter was in a breach position and was very active from around 2 months in the pregnancy. She would kick and kick! The pain was so bad that I had to carry my belly even if I was walking only a handful of steps. I asked my obstetrician if the pain I was having was normal and she said that this was part of the uterus expanding. Well, the pain never decreased. It was horrible. On top of everything, I got this horrible cough during my pregnancy and we went to the hospital numerous times just because I couldn’t breathe.
The first time we went, they wouldn’t give us any medications. The second time (I was having contractions, not bhc) they still wouldn’t treat the cough even though my coughing was inducing the contractions. The third time, we finally got an inhaler but the cough simply didn’t want to go.
I really had wanted a v-birth with no pain killers, but my OB decided that a planned c-section would be the best for me since I was in so much pain.
My daughter was born prematurely at 6 lbs, 2 ounces (at 36 weeks and 6 days). When the doctor examined her in the OR, he failed to see that she had a tongue-tie. The next few days were rough. Leeloo didn’t want to latch (or couldn’t we found out later on) so we ended up finger feeding her every two hours because she dropped so much weight. I am happy to say that the pain went away the minute they took her out. They didn’t want to release us from the hospital but after a lot of work, we got her weight up substantially and were able to go home after being 4 days in the hospital.
Once we got home, my whole family stepped in to help (we finally got her to latch somewhat using a nipple shield) and we breast/bottle fed her. They told us that if she got dehydrated then it would be a good thing to simply bottle feed. We ended up doing this while trying to get her tongue tie dealt with. Finally, she ended up tearing her own tongue-tie but by then she was used to bottle feeding. It took five months for my milk to dry up (I had enough to feed between 2-3 babies) and that was incredibly painful because every time my daughter cried, my breasts would fill up again.
The next months were really rough because I was sleeping all the time (I suffer from low blood pressure), and my epilepsy started acting up. It got to the point where I was hardly in the picture. After that, I tore a ligament in my right knee (trying to release some stress while exercising) so that made me even more withdrawn. My husband pretty much ran the show (and I must admit that having all of these things happen to me when I am only 28 years old was quite horrible).
Now that my health is finally under control (the issues any way), I am finally starting to get involved with my daughter. She is 9 months old. On top of everything, my body is all misshapen and I can’t really do any exercise.
I have also been experiencing very irregular periods and my breasts are all swollen, my body is bloated and I am always tired. I have done so many pregnancy tests that it is not funny anymore and I have no idea what is happening in my body. Every day I look in the mirror and try and come to terms with my body. It is just very hard. I guess that I should be grateful though because my daughter is awesome and incredibly happy. Anyway, if any one has been in my position, please comment as I really don’t know what is happening. At least I can walk again but it is a little saddening when my daughter doesn’t seem to have much of a connection with me.






My daughter, Ashlyn (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Submissions 26 Comments

My husband and I had been trying for our first child for more than six months when we finally found out we were expecting. My husband was gone for training when I found out. Five weeks into the pregnancy I started bleeding heavily and rushed to the ER. My husband was still away at training so a few of his co-workers went with me. The doctors couldn’t find a reason for the bleeding, they said I had a terrible UTI though. They did an ultrasound and couldn’t see the baby, so I was diagnosed as having a threatened miscarriage and sent home with UTI meds. The next week I had a follow up with my doctor and given another ultrasound and more UTI meds since my UTI was still there. The ultrasound was beautiful, there was my little baby, so small but still so gorgeous. My baby was alive and well, and I cried I was so happy. My husband came home two weeks later and everything was progressing great.

At nine weeks and five days we heard the heartbeat for the first time, my husband and I both started crying. We thought the worst was behind us. We moved to a different state the following week, and didn’t get to see my new doctor until week 15 of the pregnancy. At week 15 I started realizing something wasn’t quite right with my belly. It wasn’t perfectly round like all of the belly pictures I was seeing online. I brushed it off though, thinking it was just me worrying for no reason. About this time I also noticed some of what I thought was urine leaking out when I laughed and sneezed. I thought this was normal as well so I never mentioned it to my doctors. Week 21 rolled around and I was sent to a clinic to get my gender ultrasound and to make sure the baby was measuring correctly. This is only the second time I had had an ultrasound during my entire pregnancy. I had a bad feeling that day as we waited to be called back, but I still brushed it off. The instant the woman put that wand on my belly I knew something terrible had happened to my baby. I looked at the screen and started crying as she asked me questions, “How far along are you again?” “Have you been leaking anything?” There was nothing on the screen, she couldn’t make out any part of my baby. There was no amniotic fluid at all. We ran out of there as soon as we could and went straight to the hospital, where we told our doctors what had happened. They got a copy of the ultrasound a few hours later and made an appointment for me to see a perinatologist the next day.

We met the two specialist doctors the next day and had a very thourough ultrasound. The doctors had no idea what was going on. They confirmed that my baby had kidneys, and a bladder, but they did not know why I had no amniotic fluid. They then told me I would develop an infection that could kill the baby or me if I continued with the pregnancy. They then asked me if I wanted to abort it or miscarry on my own. I told them they were insane and I would try to save my baby. They said if I made it to 24 weeks they would admit me into the hospital and try to save the baby.

At 24 weeks I was admitted and there I stayed for the next 10 and a half weeks. I had daily non-stress tests and weekly ultrasounds. I was on bedrest the whole time. At week 33 we finally found out what we were having, a girl. My husband and I were so happy. We decided on a name, Ashlyn. Her midddle name was to be Nancy, after my husbands monther who passed away from colon cancer in 2001. At week 34 the docotrs thought it would be best to induce labor because her lungs were as developed as they could be. I got the steroid shots and prepared myself as best I could. At this point the doctors all thought my baby was a miracle baby, having survived this long having no infection with my water being broken for so long. We thought we were beating the odds.

On June 7th at 9:41 PM my daughter was born after only four pushes. She weighed 4 lbs 6 oz. and was 17 and 1/2 inches long. She had the cord wrapped twice around her neck but her heartbeat never showed any signs of distress, she had a strong heart. As she came out my husband said she gave this cute little grimace, as if to say, “What am I doing out here, it’s cold!” She did not cry, because she couldn’t, her lungs were very underdeveloped. I did not see her as they rushed her away to the NICU. A few hours later I was finally allowed to see her, I was wheeled up to her and all I could see of her face through the mess of tubes and wires was her little butt-chin. It was poking up as if to say, “Look at me I have daddy’s chin mommy!”

The doctor explained to us the severity of her lung development, as he spoke we looked at her and her little chest was working so hard to breathe over the venitlator. The doctor laughed and said she was a fighter and she did not want that machine to breathe for her, she wanted to do it on her own. We had to leave after that and go back to the maternity ward, they promised I could see her in the morning. After I got back into my hospital bed the nurse came in to help me use the restroom, and as I slid off the bed to get up I felt this huge gush and I looked down and I was bleeding terribly. I made it to the bathroom and it just kept getting worse. I was hemorrhaging. I felt very very dizzy as I sat there so the nurse had to call others in to help. After about ten minutes the bleeding was under control and I couldn’t believe all that actually happened. I fell asleep that night hopeful that my daughter would make it. We had come this far God wouldn’t take her now, right?

In the morning we called the NICU to see if we could see our daughter. They said yes and we walked down there. We rang the buzzer to be allowed inside and they told us we couldn’t see her. We weren’t that worried because maybe they were just busy, we thought she was ok. Fifteen minutes later the NICU doctors came to our room with terrible news. They said this morning they noticed she hadn’t wet her diaper so they tried to do a catheter on her but got nothing. So they did an ultrasound and found out why. She had no kidneys. They said there was nothing they could do for her and we had no choice but to let her go. We were speechless. We had no idea she had no kidneys. The doctors pointed them out on every weekly ultrasound, how could they all of a sudden not be there? We went up to the NICU and had her baptized. They removed her from her vent and pumped her manually for a minute in my arms so I could hold her alive. As they removed the pump from her mouth I heard her make one small gurgle, that was it. She was so beautiful. I had waited so long to see her and I couldn’t believe how gorgeous she was. She felt so wonderful in my arms, so heavy and perfect. She had my round nose, her daddy’s dimpled chin and stern forhead. She had my ears, and her hands were so huge, just like her mommy and daddy’s. I held her for a while, then gave her to my husband. We took tons of pictures of her, we couldn’t get enough. I held her again one more time before the nurse asked me for her, she needed a sample of her blood to do some tests with. I kissed her goodbye on her forehead and daddy did as well. We miss her everyday and I wish things had turned out differently. It turns out what we were looking at on her ultrasound was not her kidneys, it was her adrenal glands. She had fooled all of her doctors. The two specialist doctors that had taken care of Ashlyn and me the whole time in the hospital came by and talked to us about it. They said they were completely fooled by her, they thought she did have kidneys and felt so bad that they didn’t catch it earlier. After the autopsy it was determined she had a form of Potter’s Syndrome. Bilateral Renal Agenesis. Thanks for listening to my story.





16 Weeks PP, 2nd Baby, 38 Years Old (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Belly, Breast or Body Art, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, Gestational Diabetes, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 22 Comments

This site has made me feel so much better about my post-baby body. I haven’t struggled as much with body issues after baby #2 although I still have 15 pounds to go and haven’t lost any weight since my 1 week checkup despite breastfeeding-baby is now 4 months old. I don’t personally experience much in the way of weight loss with breastfeeding-if anything it seems the opposite. I weighed 148 at my checkup and have been 151 since a month pp-I gained 28 lbs.. I tried working out for a while but I just was absolutely exhausted. I know I’ll get there eventually and I know that the weight will come off eventually-even if it takes longer at 38 than it did at 33. 9 months on, 9 months off has been true for me. The thing I’m having a hard time with is that we’ll be visiting my husband’s family abroad in about 10 weeks, and I know nothing much will change in that time and they’re very critical. I’m trying to just let it go and focus on my joy in my baby because I struggled so much to get her here: 4 miscarriages, a blood disorder I had to take daily injections for, gestational diabetes and a c-section due to concern over irregular (and life-threatening) attachment of the cord to the placenta. We are lucky. She is healthy. I wish I was not so hung up on losing this 15 pounds already. Everytime I eat anything my inlaws will cluck at me, I know it. I want to be a good role model to my daughters and not buy into the body facism we live under. First pic is my belly 2 weeks prior to delivery. the rest of my photos: 1 week pre-delivery 5 months preggo 3.5 months postpartum 4 months postpartum.







My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I admit that I am at constant odds with my body. I have yet to learn to accept that body may always look this way.
I was 150 when I became pregnant with my now 2 year old son. I had a very difficult pregnancy and ended up on bedrest for the last four months and gained over 70lbs. I was 223lbs the day I deliver my 9lbs 11oz son by c/s. I dropped down to 170lbs within 3 months of delivery and my weight has stagnated there ever since.
I love being a mother and would take my new body for him any day but it doesn’t change the fact I cringe whenever I see myself naked. I hope one day to be able to afford a tummy tuck because I dont think I will ever be able to accept myself this way.



Honesty Isn’t Easy (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Complications in Pregnancy, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 0 Comment

I am a 24 year old mother of 2, with a third on the way. By the time I meet my daughter, I will be 25. It’s been a short 5 years by many means of measurement, but make no mistake, those 5 years have encompassed more than their fair share. With my first two pregnancies, my husband and I had repeated visits to high-risk centers. Both our baby boys had fetal heart defects and on more than one occassion, our midwife could not detect a heart tone, even with Doppler. Both pregnancies were fraught with worry, but we managed to remain in the birth center the first time, and risked out the second time due to complications on my end. After multiple hospitalizations both for babies and myself, I felt that I had absolutely no right to complain about the shape my body arrived in after birth. I gained more weight than I should have, and my horrible stretch marks were the high price of that weight. It wasn’t until June of this year that I was diagnosed with a disease that caused most, if not all, of my previous, as well as our babies’ previous problems. After that, we decided to try for a third after all. Part of me dreaded it: great, another chance to become even more broken down and worn in. Here’s another sparkling opportunity for my body to become irrepairably damaged! Woo-hoo!

I quickly got over it when I first saw that little jelly bean on the black and white screen… Sort of. I was at least able to bury it deep in myself again… And now, here I am, 22 weeks into this pregnancy, and having a very, very hard time with my post-baby body image. While I’ve never been terribly positive about my body, after my boys were born, it was atrocious. I finally got the nerve to post my thoughts on my blog, here.

My only resolution for 2009 is to post a real entry to this site; I WILL post an entry complete with before and after pictures. If I can draw some strength and reassurance from all the brave and beautiful women I have seen here, I hope to be able to do that for at least ONE other woman… Even if the mere sight of me traumatizes ten other. :-P

I WILL POST IN 2009!!!


012009-heather-1

Appendix Removal During Pregnancy (Fiona)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean), Update 69 Comments

Im sending this to you, because when i went through it i had very little resources on the web to draw on, and at the time i found it quite emotionally taxing and hard, and felt quite alone… When i was 26 weeks pregnant i had some upper right quadrant abdominal pain, and i thought nothing of it! Round ligament pain perhaps? I didnt do anything, however about 24 hours later i was in agony, vomiting and writhing on my bathroom floor! My husband called the hospital and we went to A and E, where i was diagnosed with appendicitus, which occurs in roughly 0.1% of all pregnancies, and is the most common cause of surgery in pregnant women. The next morning i underwent an emergency surgery to remove the appendix, however due to the pregnancy i had to remain awake, during what is major stomach surgery – it involves an 8 inch incision, and then removing your large and small intestine in order to find the inflammed appendix, which could rupture at any time! I was awake the whole time, and baby was kicking all the way through! There is a high risk of preterm labour also, so after the operation i spent 10 days in ICU being monitored. During this time, i remained on an an epidural for pain relief (however in terms of pain medication i was given less than an average appendix removal op!) Also i had terrible pain because of excess air within my stomach after the operation… but was able to have my stitches removed about a week after the operation, and was back on my feet (although slowly!) by 2 weeks! The biggest ongoing problem is the stretching of the scar tissue as my pregnancy continued to progress. It was initially very neat and tidy (i was lucky enough to have no infection) but has become quite lumpy and raised as i’ve got bigger … however i hope it will return to normal after the birth! I just wanted to post my story as proof that everything can go ok in an appendix removal during pregnancy! Im currently 36 weeks and baby looks fine! Thanks!




Updated here.

My Miracle Baby (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, NICU, Preemie, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

I started college in the fall of 2007 where I met my wonderful fiance and my life was going really great. I started dating him in August of 2007 and became pregnant in September. I panicked and sought out to my roommates to figure out what to do. One of them suggested to take vitamin c every hour because it supposedly caused a woman to miscarry. I was so very desperate and so unprepared that I decided to do it. I ended up losing the baby and I never told anyone else besides those girls about that experience. I was devastated, but quickly got back to doing well in school and trying my best to abstain from sex. I was hurting so much inside that it made me physically ill thinking about what I had done. I didn’t understand why on earth I would do something like that to an innocent being. It proved to be one of the many challenges that semester. I ended up getting mono, and my boyfriend broke up with me which was more than I could handle. About two weeks later, we got back together and everything seemed fine. Our relationship had a pretty rocky start and by february 2008, I was pregnant again. I was thinking of the horrible decision I had made before and I promised myself not to ever do something like that again. I decided to keep my baby and my fiance stood by my side every step of the way. It was not easy, but I was determined to get through it. I had a huge support system from my family, my fiance, and my fiance’s family. I was 140lbs when I got pregnant and the day before I had my daughter I was 187. I had never weighed that much in my entire life. I missed being 140lbs because that was the time when I felt amazing about myself! I want that back so badly!

I was due November 14, 2008 with my daughter, but had her October 9th due to complications with toxemia. My b/p was 160/110 and the protein level of my urine reached 7,000 from 1,200 three days prior. I couldn’t believe it! I was 34weeks 6days when she was born. She weighed 4lbs 13ounces and was 18in long. She was in the NICU for 13 days before I got to bring her home. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I spent every day in the hospital with her and held her for as long as I could. I didn’t even get to see her until 2 days postpartum. I cried when I was discharged and I could not bring my little baby home with me.

I think back to my miscarriage and while I feel the deepest regret for what I had done, I can’t help but feel thankful too that if I had gone through with the first pregnancy, then I would not have my beautiful baby girl.

She is now a healthy 2 month old. She is the most amazing person in the world and I love her so much.

Funny story about her name…I LOVE Jon and Kate Plus 8, and I was so drugged up(heavy meds after a c-section lol!!) when the birth recorder came by to get her name that I named my daughter after 2 of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s kids…Madelyn Alexis Faith.

Hahaha.
Oops!
Well, Madelyn was picked out waaay before I saw the show so that is okay :)

I do not have any belly pictures on this computer, but I do have some pre-pregnancy pictures, hospital pictures, and some pictures of Madelyn!




Update! 8 Months Post-Partum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Hips, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

View my original entry here.

When my son was born 5 weeks early, with severe IUGR and weighing only 3lbs, I was angry. It was all my body’s fault. I learned not long after submitting my original entry that my heart was struggling with the pregnancy and I had developed pregnancy induced hypertension. My placenta was only 2/3 the size it should have been, because my heart wasn’t pumping adequate blood supply to it. I was hospitalized, medicated, and watched 24 hours a day. I was in danger of a stroke or toxemia.

I lost 25lbs of baby weight in 4 weeks. Breastfeeding for 5 months combined with healthy eating took off another 20lbs. Since then I’ve lost about 5-6lbs more, for a total weight loss of 51lbs since I delivered 8 months ago.

My body is healthier now than it has been in years. I went from a 12 before becoming pregnant to an 8 post-partum, and I’m still slowly losing (in spite of weaning my son – I pumped exclusively for 5 months because he was unable to latch.) It made a baby to the best of its abilities – we couldn’t have known that my heart wouldn’t like pregnancy. After all, I was only 26 years old, no health complications, and I should have been low risk.

It’s hard for me to get to know this new body — it’s smaller, and I feel good physically. I can see changes in my appearance, and I have greater confidence in spite of the breasts that have flattened out (thanks to breastfeeding!) and that crease from hip to hip. I have a love-hate relationship with it — I love that it’s smaller and that I’m wearing a size 8. I hate that it is not good at being pregnant, and that I’m not sure if I can ever have more babies.

It’s a day by day process — I can easily accept the stretchmarks all over my breasts and thighs, but I’m having a harder time with the unknown of what will happen if I try to conceive again. Another pregnancy could be fatal — to the baby, to me, or to both of us. I don’t know the risk yet, but it’s there.

For mommies who grieve the loss of their bodies through pregnancy, try to remember the beauty of your children. You are SO BLESSED. Look back on your uncomplicated pregnancies, your chubby healthy babes, and the exciting potential of more amazing little ones in the future. You have much to celebrate!





Updated here.

Hurricane Tummy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Gestational Diabetes, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia 4 Comments

I am 27 and this was my first pregnancy. My daughter was born 5 weeks early by emergency c-section after I was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia after I started blacking out from high blood pressure. Up until that point I had battled many odds with this pregnancy. 2nd trimester bleeding, gestational diabetes, a bells palsy, crippling carpel tunnel, acne all over my back and chest, and morning sickness up until the day she was born. She was breach at the time of the c-section but was otherwise healthy and weighed 5 lbs 11oz.
I don’t really notice or care about the stretch marks, although friends that have seen my tummy looked surprised and shocked before telling me I “look great”. My husband and I have a joke that my tummy looks like the radar map for a hurricane, we find this funny since we live in Miami. I am going to the gym now several times a week and already have my one piece swimsuit picked out to hit the beach this winter. The last pictures are my tummy 5 months post partum.