Cesarean

1 1/2 Years PP After Twins (Fraternal Twin Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 18 Comments

Previous entry here.

Age during delivery: 32
Current age: almost 34
Number of pregnancies: 1
Age of twins: 1 1/2

I posted a short blurb a while ago about my experience, but I didn’t really get to elaborate on my story because I’m pretty sure one of my boys needed my attention at the time! At 8w3d I found out I was pregnant with twins. I remember the U/S tech saying to me “I have something special to tell you! It’s twins!” Joy was not the first thing that came to me. The first thing I blurted out was, “Oh god. I’m definitely going to have stretch marks now!” I didn’t escape getting them, but they are very faint. I got them 1 1/2 weeks before I had my c-sec! I was up for two night worrying about them. Lame, I know. I worked out the entire time during my pregnancy and gained 25 pounds. I’m only 5’2 and started out at 104 pounds so 25 extra pounds on my frame was a lot..and my back..my poor back! Ouch. At 33 weeks I went into what they thought was pre-term labor and was sent to the hospital for over night observation. Up until then, I had no problems. I would have a contraction and Baby B’s heartrate would drop very low. This happened a couple of times and the doctors and nurses thought that he was pulling on the umbilical cord. Little prankster! :) At 37 weeks the doctors decided that I have a c-section because the placenta was wearing out. One baby was breech, so I could not have a natural birth. I’m actually fine with having a c-section. It’s what I wanted. Little did I know how painful recovery was going to be! Both my boys were born at healthy weights (for twins) at 5.13 and 4.12 and they went home with me. I’m still working on my body and have just started doing transverse abdominal exercises to flatten/tighten the lower half of my abs. I did get slight muscle seperation so getting my abs back is going to be a challenge. I don’t know why I’m just NOW (1 1/2 years later!) working on my abs. I’m still VERY self conscious about my stomach and I hate my stretch marks but I’m learning to accept them. I even threw out all my bikinis! I’d love to have a 3rd baby, but I’m scared to death as to what it put my body through. It’s been a constant struggle. I am back down to my prepregnancy weight of 104, but I’m still a work in progress…mentally.

1st pic- 1 1/2 years PP
2nd pic- 1/2 years PP
3rd pic- New Years and about 35 weeks (sorry about the face..haha I was very uncomfy!)
4th pic- Mother’s Day 2009
5th Pic- My boys at 18 months

2.5 Months PP, Second Cesarean in 2.5 Years (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Previous posts here and here.

age:22
Pregnancies:2 pregnancies and 2 births

I wrote that I would eventually post some pictures of my PP body, so I am! I am now 3 months PP…the pictures are 2.5 months PP though! The part where my stomach hangs from my cesarean really bugs me…but it has gotten better! Liam is doing great, laughing, smiling, doing good on his tummy, breastfeeding like a champ. I see so much of Connor in him! I read him a book my Mom made me for him called “My Big Brother, My Guardian Angel”, and he loves it. I have made 2 very amazing boys, and I love them both so much!!

Pictures:
6 months pregnant with Connor
About 8 months PP with Connor
9 months pregnant with Liam
The rest are me 2.5 months PP after both boys

Updated here, here and here.

That’s Why You’re Beautiful (Traci)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous entry here.

The first time I posted here was 2 years ago. That’s quite scary! Our little ones grow up so fast. I have been viewing this site for three or maybe more years now and I am blown away by the many women who post and say they dislike their body or that they are unappy with themselves now that they have had a child, and while I can understand that (believe me, I do!) it saddens me so much because now that I am older I can truely appreciate what my body has done for me. My body had to grow to make room for a tiny human. And in growing it had to stretch that little bit extra because we can never predict how big our little squirts are going to be. And due to stretching we are given little rivers on our tummy (back, thighs, calves, breasts, etc) that grow as our baby grows. Lets face it, our little ones must get bored staring at their placenta all day! Imagine when the light or sun shines on your tummy and those stretch marks create little patterns for your baby to look at. Babies begin to learn in the womb. Wouldn’t it be nice to know they had something to look at other than their water sack! :)

What I am trying to say is, it took me a long time to realise I was beautiful. Not because of my face or my body, but because I could truely appreciate how lucky I am to have a healthy child who I watch growing every single day. I am blessed. I tell you something, I would MUCH rather have some stupid stretch marks than NOT have my son at all.

There are so many women (and men) who would take all the stretch marks, saggy skin and droopy boobs if it meant they could conceive a child of their own. Unfortunately, in some sense, things dont turn out in that way for everyone.

Biological mother or adoptive mother, either way, you are beautiful, not because of your face or your body, but because you can truely appreciate being a mother.

“Diamonds used to be coal, look young ’cause they’ve got soul. That’s why they’re beautiful.
And my heart used to be cold, ’til your hands laid on my soul. And that’s why you’re beautiful”

I attached some recent pictures of myself and how my body has changed since my last post and the rest are my two wonderful boys :)

~Your Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 years and 2 months

He Tells Me I’m Sexy (Jenn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cancer, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 22 Comments

I’ve been a larger girl since I was around 16-17 years old, after a knee injury that left me in an immobilizer for 6 months. Following that transformation of my body, I had a hard time regaining self esteem. Still, even though I was heavy, I still had a great body… beautiful, smooth skin, sexy thighs. I was comfortable with myself, even if I saw room for improvement. Following the birth of my daughter 5 years ago by Cesarean section, I was met with this entirely new wall of self-doubt and body image issues. Still, I was so proud of my body for sustaining her life and breastfeeding her, that I still allowed myself to see the light. When she was 20 months old, I found out I had ovarian cancer, and had to have one of my ovaries as well as massive amounts of tumors removed. It was during this time in my life that my husband asked me for a divorce. I successfully fought ovarian cancer on my own while raising our almost 2-year old daughter. I went back to college to get my degree, and my body was starting to look great. Then I got pregnant with my son. I didn’t gain much weight when I was pregnant with him, but I seemed to gain it while I was nursing him! :-O I found out about 10 months into his life that my cancer had returned and I was in for a helluva battle. Once again, I AM BETTER THAN CANCER. So, now I find myself.. 2 years postpartum, and I’m back to being disgusted with my body. I should be more dedicated to working out, but I’m just not. I beat myself up about it a lot, but keep telling myself that when it really matters, I’ll find the willpower.

However, I’ve just recently fallen in love. His name is Adam, and he’s incredible. And you know what? Despite my protests, he thinks I’m SEXY. Me! The girl with the scars and the lumps and the stretch marks and the low self esteem! He convinced me to take a picture of my stomach, which was a HUGE leap outside my comfort zone, and well — here it is. When I see women with magazine-ready bodies, I think –boy they must’ve worked hard to look that way. But you know what? I WORKED MY ASS OFF to look this way! I went through multiple pregnancies, a few births, and breastfed for almost 4 years combined. And every scar on my body is a reminder of something that helped make me the woman that I am today. The c-section scar along my bikini line? Two of the most gorgeous faces ever appeared to the world the first time because of that scar. The long vertical one that runs from my belly button to my pubic bone? That’s a daily reminder that when faced with cancer and life situations that sometimes made me just want to crawl under the covers and never come out, *I* WON! ME! JENN! IT WASN’T STRONGER THAN ME!

It’s been a long process, but I’m starting to believe him. :)

~Your Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 7 Pregnancies, 2 Live Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years postpartum

072009-jenn-1

2 Years, Nearly 3 Months Postpartum (Katelyn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

Age: 18
Pregnancies & births: 1
2 years, nearly 3 months postpartum

I got pregnant two months before i turned 16. My daughter’s father and I didn’t know each other well, weren’t together, and we weren’t for a very long time. I spent my 41 week pregnancy and 19 months of her life as a single mom, relying on my own mom for support, both financially and emotionally. Thanks to her looking after Hazel during the day, I was able to finish high school and also get two years of college done at the same time. When Hazel was 19 months old, her father decided he wanted to be involved, and we ended up getting together and have been for nearly 8 months now. The relationship between Hazel and him is a little rocky because of the gap between her birth and his involvement, but we’re working on it. Before getting pregnant, I was 5’3 & 1/2″ tall and 120 lbs. Now i’m 114 but with a lot of difference between my old body and this one. I have my days when I watch too many infomercials & spend too long at the magazine rack & long for the body I had before, but I also have my days when I look at my bumps and stretch marks fondly & remember the time my child spent inside my body, waiting, growing strong…and I smile.
These pictures were taken tonight, my standing on the lip of my bathtub and perched precarioiusly atop Hazel’s baby bathtub. I really need a full-length mirror lol. The last one is Hazel and me, in our normal silly state. (Her father is full blown Irish, hence her stunning lack of deep pigment haha.) Despite my young age at the time of her birth, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s changed my entire perspective on everything I encounter in daily life. She’s opened my mind and my heart and made me a better person.

Update: 22, Surviving Newborn Twins and a 2yo (Sierra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, Update 16 Comments

I recently posted on here when i was 2 weeks postpartum with twins. I am now 5 weeks postpartum and wanted to share with everyone the update. My girls are doing fabulous. They are both breast feeding like champs and since birth have each gained 2lbs!! My 2 yr old is doing so great with them, he is a very big help and doesn’t show any jealousy towards his little sisters at all. I couldn’t ask for a better bunch of children, they are my life! Again this website has been very inspiring and i absolutely love it!! I am very self conscious of my body and myself, but then again there are very few women who aren’t, this website has taught me that no matter what i am a mother and i am beautiful and it’s bc of my children that i am who i am. My stretch marks are beginning to fade ( i didn’t get very many, which i was completely surprised about carrying twins and being so small) and my stomach has gone down drastically since my 2 week postpartum picture, i was very concerned and worried about muscle separation in my stomach and have since learned that there wasn’t any and i’m very thankful and blessed…just wanted to share my update i will continue to update as time goes by and my twins continue to grow.

pic #1: 5 weeks postpartum front view w/ incision from c-section
pic #2: 5 weeks postpartum side view
pic #3: My twins
pic #4: My son

Updated here.

Transmogrification (Valentine)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Cesarean, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

Here I am 6 weeks post-partum. I’ve spent my entire life in one extreme or another…first I loved myself to the point of narcissism. Then I couldn’t stand to look at myself, to the point where the extent of my self-loathing would bring me to tears. Now? I still find myself unattractive, but I know that SHE was worth every moment of discomfort, every stretch mark (who gets stretch marks on their legs, anyhow???), the ruined tattoo, the drooping breasts and every ounce of flab. She has been there in my subconscious for my entire life and now she is my reality. I know now that I was meant to be a mother. Also, that weird dark scar underneath my belly button? It stands as a reminder that while piercing yourself with a safety pin SEEMS like a good idea in jr high, the reality is, well…..LOOK at it!

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies–3 abortions, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 weeks post partum

One Year Ago Today (Zahra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 11 Comments

We found out we were pregnant with Rory 6 weeks after having a miscarriage. I know we were so blessed for it to happen so quickly. I was so excited to be pregnant and really focused on enjoying the pregnancy despite our concerns that we would lose another baby. I have always had to work very hard to maintain my weight, I was never one of those people who could eat whatever I wanted or just lay around. I was active my entire pregnancy and continued to jog up till the day I went into labor. I was not extremely indulgent, I never ate entire bags, boxes, or cartons of anything. In the 42 weeks I was pregnant, I gained 35 pounds, which I didn’t feel was too bad. I loved being pregnant and I loved my growing belly.

We had an amazing midwife and had full intentions of having a water birth at a free standing birth center. When they offered to give us a tour of the hospital “just in case” we declined because I was so sure that I was having my baby in the birth center why would I waste my time visiting the hospital?! Let’s just say thank God the Birth Center mandates preregistration at the hospital…

Shortly after returning home from a wedding on June 14, 2008, my water broke and regular contractions soon began. After 10 hours, my husband and I decided it was time to go to the birth center as we had an hour drive ahead of us, we did not want to go too early because they only have 3 birthing rooms and we knew they would send us home if I was not far enough along. When we arrived our midwife instructed 2 students to begin filling the tub while she checked me – that’s when I saw the look on her face. She said ” I have good news and bad news, the good news is you’re 7 cm dialated, the bad news is my finger is in your baby’s butt!”…I knew we would have to go to the hospital, that was that. In the long run, it was wonderful, the hospital was fine, the cesarean was no big deal, and we got to take home the greatest souvenir ever, our baby Rory.

I went home from the hospital 10 pounds heavier than when I went in…I gained 10 pounds of fluid, I went the entire pregnancy with not so much as a swollen finger and went home looking like the stay puff marshmallow man. Still I thought, no big deal, I was nursing and I ate well, so the weight would just fall off…right? Not quite, it stayed and stayed and did not budge, all my friends were back in their jeans in a few months and I was still wearing maternity pants 5 months pp…..finally, slowly but surely after I stopped nursing upon returning to work, it started to budge little by little. It’s still a struggle, I have to watch what I eat and work out 5-6 days a week, but I knew that would be the case. I firmly believe in the theory of 9 on and 9 off! Happy Birthday to my Muffin, I can’t believe it’s been a year. I am so amazed that my body produced him. He is the joy of my life, he makes me love my husband more and more. I pray that we will be blessed once again to give him a sibling. He amazes me every day!

1st pic 37 weeks pregnant, 2nd 5 days pp, 3rd 3 months before pregnancy, 4th-6th pic 1 year pp, 7th pic our family

~ Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year

Rocking the Boat (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Complications During or After Birth, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Rocking the boat (Anonymous)

My son is now 20 months old (I’m 27) and is the most AWESOME gift life has ever given me, aside from my husband, yet I am still having a hard time overcoming a tough bout of post-partum depression. Before the birth of my son, I was a super-fit triathlete, vivacious and die-hard optimist, fresh out of college and had just started my own small business. I had a clear plan for myself and my future and was having a ball being the single social butterfly. Suddenly everything changed. My future husband and I conceived our son after a mere 4 months of dating, but decided we were in it for the long haul and decided to marry when I was 7 months pregnant. Talk about a scary start!

My pregnancy was fairly normal, just NOTHING what I had expected! I always romanticized the idea of pregnancy, always assuming I would be at a place in my life where a baby would be the icing on the cake. This was hardly what I had planned! I decided that I wanted as natural a delivery as possible- we’re talking NO drugs, IVs, post-birth eye drops- the whole shabang! Unfortunately, my plans were dashed the day I went in for my 36 week checkup and found that my son was breech. Again, my plans were turned upside down. The natural delivery plan was shot to hell, but I tried to keep my chin up and go with the flow. I opted out of an external cephalic version to avoid the risk of early delivery and to see if my son would turn on his own. I tried everything I heard of to encourage him to turn in an attempt to salvage my birth plan. I tried shining a flashlight down my stomach to encourage him to follow the light, laying inverted on an ironing board,
diving into a pool, even moxibustion and accupuncture! My efforts were all in vain. I even held out on a scheduled c-section until a week past my due date just to see if during the last few days he might still turn. That was no easy task, considering I was still working up until the day before I gave birth, standing for 8 hours a day and having gained 60+ lbs!

Five days past my due date, my water broke early in the morning and I scampered into the bathroom as fluid rushed down my legs. I noticed that there was a funny color to the fluid and immediately thought of what it must be- meconium. Not a good sign. Even so, I was elated that I was able to experience a small bit of a normal labor and will always cherish those last few moments that I was alone with my son still inside me. Knowing that meconium could be inhaled by the baby and cause complications, we rushed to the hospital to begin the cesarean delivery I had so dreaded. I relished the feeling of contractions and welcomed them, and felt calm spread over me as I accepted the situation ahead.

The c-section was actually pretty easy and I surprised myself that I was so calm. I tried to ignore my feelings that the doctors were rushing too much, that they weren’t paying attention to me, that I was just another surgery that morning. The whole thing progressed like a well-oiled machine. There was no soft lighting, no spiritual music playing, no SOUL to the whole event. I just let the doctors do their thing as I laid down and tried to breathe normally as the epidural affected my diaphragm and lungs. I didn’t even recognize my husband when he sat down next to me and held my hand. I was shocked when I asked the doctors if they had started yet and they said,” Oh yeah! We’ve got a hold of his legs! Now there’s a big baby!” (At 9.5lbs, I should say so!) I saw my beautiful son and his bright pink face screeching for all the world to hear for a split second before he was whisked away. I don’t recall seeing him again for what seemed like hours. The drugs they gave me caused me to become violently ill and I vomited almost non-stop for several hours after the birth. I was so drugged up that I have almost no clear memory of the next few hours. Bonding with my son was a distant urge. I do recall being wheeled down to the NICU to see my son, and having to stop several times along the way to vomit. One stop was so violent that I felt a distinct POP in the stitches holding my stomach together. This didn’t seem to bother any of the doctors or nurses, despite the fact that the skin around the alleged POP was now bulging.

My son was being held in the NICU for reasons that remain unclear to me. They said that there was a concern over his circulation post-birth and they wanted to check out his heart (this really means that they wanted to use their fancy machines and keep any possible lawsuits at bay). My son was fine and they released him soon after, but I have no recollection of his homecoming. I do recall a nurse prodding me several times to get me to nurse him and finally threatening to give him formula if I didn’t liven up. I fought through the drugs and tried to nurse. Let me just say that overcoming two inverted nipples while on morphine was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Breastfeeding proved to be THE most challenging feat of my life! I summoned up every nursing consultant I could scrounge up before I left the hospital, and was given every tool and doo-dad to encourage breast feeding. My mother-in-law must have thought I was a total moron when it was nursing time and I whipped out my avalanche of tools! Despite about 4 bouts of mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, latching problems and SEVERE engorgement (A cup to a D+!), I managed to breastfeed for an entire year! If my hubby hadn’t prodded me along and given a mountain of support, I might have quit after two weeks. It was a NIGHTMARE. I didn’t know a single other mother who had such a hard time of it. Nobody could compare stories with me or even come close!

Overcoming the c-section was a cakewalk compared to the struggles I had breastfeeding. It was so painful I actually used my leftover pain meds for the c-section recovery to make it through a nursing session. Since my brand-new hubby was still in law school and studied all day and all night, I was pretty much on my own with the baby. I suffered such exhaustion that I would lay on the couch weeping and say that I just wanted to die. I was also concerned over the strange bulge on one side of my birth scar, as well as the deflated balloon I had for a belly and the 30+ lbs I still had to lose.

Even a year and a half later and only 5lbs away from my pre-baby weight (pretty darn good, right?) I still have a few body issues. What mom doesn’t? Mostly I am struggling with my sense of self, the identity I am remodelling and the new life I have. I try not to seem ungrateful for all the blessings I have in life, but at the same time I struggle to find the “old” me, if she even exists anymore. With such a tumultuous start to my marriage, an unplanned pregnancy, unwanted cesarean, troubles breastfeeding and now a diagnosis of a prolapsed uterus and possible hernia, it’s a wonder I can carry on a normal conversation! Things are actually a lot better than they sound here, but I still have tough days. Completing my first triathlon at 5 mos post-partum was a real boost for me and something I remain proud of. It’s good to know that I have family and a great husband I can count on, as well as the awesome advice and inspiration from strong women like you! Shape of a Mother ROCKS!!!

Slowly Gaining Self-Acceptance (Becc)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 23 and have 2 beautiful boys. My eldest is 6 and my youngest is 10 months. I have always been a larger shaped women and with a husband my height, my body issues have been hard to deal with, knowing we are around the same weight. After having my youngest, I feel as if I have turned into a blob. My belly looks like a jellyfish has begun to house on it and I have the biggest apron. I had a c-section with my youngest which I wasn’t expecting. I know I need to exercise more but I don’t feel up to it when I have body issues. When I feel great and sexy, for some reason, I want to exercise and feel even better. When I am having a fat day, i just want to wallow. I feel better after finding this website and finding out that women feel the same way as me. I just want to accept me and feel great to be me. I have the 2 healthiest boys in the world, why can that not be enough??? I feel selfish and harsh for wanting more. Here is a photo of me taken today.