Cesarean

My bikini days are definitely over! (Stacey)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

I’m a 25 year old mother of 2 amazing little boys, and a gorgeous baby girl. I got pregnant at 18, and had my oldest at 19. I was 110lbs when I got pregnant with him, and when I had him was 153. I gained pretty much all in my stomach, and breasts. I have stretch marks from my breasts, to my knees.. Literally! I ended up having an emergency c section after 31 hours of labor. I used to think I was a failure because I could not dialate, and give birth the “normal” way, but I’ve honestly come to terms with that now. I had a pretty OK scar from my first birth. It never really bothered me. I did have a little extra skin from getting so big, then losing so much weight. I went back down to 107 shortly after I had him.. Then eventually settled at 115. Then I married the most incredible man a few years later.. I’ve known him my whole life, but had moved away when I was 12.. We reconnected because he had joined the Army and was stationed only a few hours from me. We got married in August of 08 and started working on adding to our family immediately. Got pregnant right away, but then we lost that baby shortly after finding out we were expecting. We got pregnant again a couple months later with our youngest little boy. He was born in July of 09 when I was 24. Then.. The extra skin that I had, turned into a FLAP! I was 120 when I got pregnant with him, and only got down to 130.. When he was 6 months old.. We got the crazy idea in our head to try for a little princess.. We tried one time, and I changed my mind on the timing.. But we found out a week later we were pregnant. We were still thrilled. I only gained 18 lbs with her. I figure it’s because of my Gestational Diabetes, and the medication I was on.. Not to mention I had a 5 year old and a little boy under a year to chase.

Anyway, we had our little girl in October 2010 (she’s 2.5 months old now) and I lost 28lbs total so far.. So I lost hers and my youngest sons pregnancy weight (thaaaaaaaank you breast feeding!) I honestly could care less about the stretch marks anymore… And I have a pretty gnarly scar from my second OB/GYN who just sliced however he felt at the time.. My 3rd OB/GYN tried to fix it.. But she could only do so much.. Still.. I’m not that bothered by the c section scars. It’s the extra skin that gets me so down. I have pretty much no self confidence anymore. I mean, I have a pretty face (or so I’m told) and my boobs.. Well they look good clothed anyway.. Of course they’re a little saggy from having 3 kids, but I’ll live.. But I literally have to tuck my stomach into my pants.. Sometimes it hurts, too.. From the scar, and the skin being pinched sometimes. I see a lot of girls who just snap right back like a rubber band after having a baby, and I just want to bawl up in a corner and cry. My husband is hardly ever home. He’s always deployed, serving our wonderful country. I’m so proud of him.. But when he is home, I just never want him to see me naked. He’ll want to keep the lights on when we’re intimate.. And I want it pitch black.

Am I ever going to be OK with the way I look? Is it ever going to get better? I really want to get a tummy tuck… But I’m also pretty sick of having surgeries. I want to say a quick thank you to the person who opened this web site though. I really felt alone in these feelings for years, but I see there are a lot of wonderful mommies out there going through what I am.. And it’s so amazing to see so much support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Age:25
Pregnancies: 4
Births: 3
Children: almost 6 years, 18 months, 2.5 months

Those are both after my second child.. I look the same now, but a little less weight.
My gorgeous children

Trying Not To Be Sad, But I Just Can’t Help It (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 17 Comments

Age:22
1pregnancy/1birth
4 weeks PP

I was 21 when I found out I
was pregnant. The father & I had only been serious for about 6 months at the time, but he being 6 years older than me was ready to settle down & took the news better than I did. I never had a perfect body by any means, I am 5’4″ and fluctuated between 125-145 ever since I was 15 years old. I was just like any other girl my age and hated my body. Now looking back, I would pay any amount of money to have it again. I was a 36C and thought my boobs were saggy. Haha!! I clearly did not know the meaning. When I first found out I thought since I was so young I would gain the minimum amount of weight and I’d bounce right back to prepregnancy size.

Boy was I wrong!

On 11/18/2010 I went to my weekly check up (I was 38 weeks pregnant) Everything went just like any of the other appointments I had had. I was weighed, and at this point had gained exactly 40lbs. (putting me at 174) I got my cervix checked for dilation & was still 2cm which I had been for the past month. They asked me the normal questions… ‘have you felt the baby move today?’ and not really thinking anything of it I replied ‘no not yet today, she generally sleeps until about 4pm’ well, the doctor did not like the sounds of that. He sent me right over to the hospital where I was hooked up to all the monitors. They explained to me that I could choose to be induced but since my body technically wasn’t ready to give birth yet and given the size of the baby (according to my ultrasounds she was already about 9lbs) that there would be an 80% chance I would end up needing an emergency c-section. So I chose to just go ahead with the cesarean. At 11:47 that evening Kenleigh Madison was born at 8lbs9oz & 20 1/2 inches long. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on.

The recovery from the surgery really wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. I was up and walking 12 hours later and only ended up staying in the hospital for a total of 2 days.

Now I’m stuck staring in the mirror at this, for lack of a better word, this mess.

All the extra weight just sits around my mid section, my love handles, my ponch. Looking at myself truly grosses me out. I can’t fit into any of my clothes and it’s so frustrating because it’s literally just the one area. My legs and arms and face all shrunk back immediately. And the stretch marks under my belly button are so awful & painful the sight of them brings tears to my eyes. Even my belly button is twice it’s normal size! I wish I had at least tried to give birth vaginally, because I fear I will never be able to lose the baggage due to damage that has been done to my abdominal muscles. The scar itself doesn’t bother me, it’s low enough that it’s easily hidden. But everything else about my stomach is a nightmare. & my boobs!! I’m 22 and now have the breasts of a 40 year old. I just fear that my boyfriend will lose interest. If not because of my body, than because of my lack of confidence. And I just can’t help it. We’ve talked about marriage before & during my pregnancy and I’m afraid that now that he sees what my body looks like that he will think twice and not propose.

The pictures I’ve included are:
1)my body prepregnancy
2) about 9 months pregnant
3) the 1st time I held my beautiful baby girl
4) Kenleigh a day old
5&6) my body 4weeks PP
7) my scar

5 Weeks Postpartum and I No Longer Believe in Genetic Destiny (Kat)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies/births: 2 pregnancies/1 birth
Age of baby/how far postpartum: 5 weeks

I was born short and fat, and stayed that way for my entire childhood and teen years. I started middle school at 4’10” and 160lbs. Both of my parents, as well as most of my family in general, are overweight, my mother having hypothyroidism. Weight was always a sensitive issue for me. Growing up seeing my mother complain about she looked and how much she weighed, it made it hard for me. And then when I started middle school it went further downhill, as I was the awkward fat girl that was pushed around and teased for her weight.

By my sophomore year of high school, I had developed anorexia in a desperate attempt to be accepted by my peers. I managed to get down to 125 pounds at 5’2″ but I still felt fat, and being a size 6/8 was too big in my opinion. When I would confide in my family or my doctors about my weight issues, they all stated that I was genetically predisposed to be fat, and that it was going to get worse if I ever had a baby. But even with all of my fears and anxieties over how I looked, I still wanted to be a mother more than anything else in my life.

My views on sexuality were very warped due to being molested by my father as a child and preteen, and being raped by a close friend when I was just barely 13. But I grew up believing that even if someone tries to take your virginity from you physically, it is not gone until you agree to give it away. This is where my first experience with my now husband came in.

We had first met as teenagers, I was 15 and he was 16. We were at his place of work, he was a referee for paintball(I went quite often with the guys I knew from being in band). We ended up being friends for a while, and then being the teenagers we were, our friendship led to sex. Unfortunately, we lost contact shortly after due to my getting a new phone and us going to different schools. But we were reconnected later when I moved out of my parents house and he came with a mutual friend to help me move my larger boxes and furniture. We ended up moving in together about a month after I had fully moved into the apartment myself. We were married shortly after this, and about 6 months after we got married I got pregnant with our little boy.

My pregnancy was an eventful one to say the least. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks due to severe bleeding caused by a horrible flair of my ulcerative colitis(which is like crohn’s but only in the colon and lower intestines). I was so scared I was going to lose the baby because of how much blood I had lost. But little guy was still healthy as ever, and my body seemed to give him what he needed before me, so while I suffered my baby was still safe. I ended up losing 15 pounds in the hospital even though I was eating 6 times a day, and the nurses panicked over this, but I was still able to walk so my doctors said not to worry.

But by the end of the pregnancy I had gone from 135 pounds to 180, and I gave birth by scheduled c-section to my 6lb 9oz son, Demetri at 39 weeks. Due to the infusions I have to have for my colitis, I am not able to breast feed, so I lost that experience, but have had no problems at all bonding with my baby and he is now 88% in height and 55% in weight, the exact opposite of me when I was his age.

I weighed 168 Pounds leaving the hospital on the 4th day. I was riddled with stretchmarks and figured, since I had a c-section, I was doomed to have a belly apron of extra skin for the rest of my life, and that I was going to stay as large as I was that day forever as well, taking after the rest of the women in my family. My doctors wrapped me in a compression belly band right after I was stitched up after the surgery, and having heard wonderful success stories about them I decided to wear it all the time until I was were I wanted to be with my postpartum body. So far the stretchmarks are less than half of what they were the day I gave birth, and the belly flap is nowhere to be seen. I give all of the credit for this to the belly band. I am currently down to 145 pounds at 5 weeks pp, have been able to fit my pre-prego jeans since week 3 with them fully buttoned and zipped, and I have been given the ok since week 4 to do light to moderate exercise when I feel good enough for it(which is at least every other day).

I have been doing flirty girl fitness(the dance aerobics ones) and belly dancing for almost 2 weeks now, and the results from it are mind blowing to me. I grew up with such a huge fear of being like everyone else in my family after giving birth, and now I have my little miracle and my body is getting into better shape than it has ever been before. I feel like the universe has granted the three biggest wishes I ever had, to be a mommy, to have a wonderful husband(who is very much a partner in life as well as a companion), and to have the body that I want instead of the body everyone else said I would have. I am currently finishing up in college and am looking to work as a dancer(no, not a stripper) to help bring in some money as I finish up my degree in education and psychology. I would like to be either become a marriage counselor or a sex therapist, as I have a deep rooted connection to the issues that come with a bad/troubled relationship(my parents) and the damage caused by sexual trauma and confusion due to the past. I feel like I have been given what I wanted and need, so I want to do the same for those who haven’t yet.

Pictures:
first 3 are my progression pictures so far, 4th one is my gorgeous little boy, and the 5th one is Demetri and his wonderful daddy :)

Updated here.

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 19 Comments

My 1st child
I am 26 yrs old
I had a c section due to my baby heart rate dropping. I am not proud of my body at all. I had a really good doctor deliver my daughter. You cant see my incision. I am 2 1/2 months postpartum but my daughter will be 3 months nov. 15th 2010. I want a flat belly again but I dont know if I ever will because of the c section. Its like the incision is a shelf for fat. I am back to my pre pregnancy weight which is 123lbs. I just want to lose the stomach and the nasty stretch marks. I feel disgusting. I was already suicidal and now this is the icing. But I want to be with my daughter. I am married but my husband says im being foolish so I keep my feelings to myself now. I dont know what to do.

5 Weeks PP, Almost There (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

I’m a 24 yr old women who just had a beautiful baby boy on october 1st of this year via emergency c section due to fetal distress. My c section was very painful I never been in so much pain and I was a little sad I didn’t deliever vaginal. I’m five weeks pp and I must say my body is changing back very nicely. This is my first baby and first pregnancy so when I found out I was shocked but very happy! Here’s my story. In 2008 (april) I was 168 pounds standing about 5’7 I hated my body I hated my boobs which was a size 36DD my belly my face and cheeks my weight always ended up never in the places I wanted it to be. I was just tired of being thick so I set out on a journey to lose about 20 pounds and I ended up losing 60. I went from a 36 DD to a 32 B, a size 32 to a size 24 which is a zero. I hit my 60 pound goal in (june) of that year. I change the way I ate and live no fastfoods sodas or juices just healthy natural wholefoods (fruits and veggies) only chicken and fish. I started cooking and walking more and the weight just fell off I got down to 108 and was underweight and a little to thin so I started working out and put on weight really healthy as well as muscle. I had amazing abs/ small waist small arms nice long legs I just loved going shopping and putting on clothes I took my body for granted and didn’t apprecaite at all. The saying you don’t miss something until its gone. So when I got pregnant I was very sacred of getting big and getting a ton of strecth marks on my tummy (how vain) yes I know. Funny I didn’t get a single one on my tummy (mama mio) tummy rub which I believe worked cuz I had some strecth marks on my butt from puberty which I just knew was going to come on my tummy. I started googling post baby tummy and found this website and that gave me hope but also freaked me the hell out I must say ( the real life stories) but I continue to gained weight (healthy) and blossom as my baby and tummy started growing I cared but didn’t it was nothing I could physical do that could stop me from gaining weight or getting strecth marks I continue to walk a lot and enjoyed foods (cake) I love the way I looked in pregnancy.my belly was round, my breast were nice and ripe, my skin was amazing, my hair and nails grew I got complients from both sexes it was a great experience. I just thought like many women ur body would just snapped back (123 after birth)but it takes time. My mother told me her stomach went flat days after and she left the hospital looking like she never push out a baby. You can imagaine I started thinking that would happen to me boyyy was I wrong I gained about 25 pounds I went from 130 to 155 I left the hospital at 152 five days later still looking about five months preggers I was a little shocked at how my body looked I had huge breasts ( went from a 32B to a whopping 32F) they hurt like hell they were so swollen and very painful I couldn’t move cause I was in so much pain I was severly stopped up annother side of a c section when I did have a bowel movement it was so painful. I looked in the mirror and this is what I saw: a dark line running down my tummy thick thighs a soft very soft tummy that jiggle when I walked or move a fatter face and bigger arms. I said to myself how could this be? I gained the right amount of weight I already had a nice figure b4 baby why isn’t it looking back to how I use to? The answer is I just had a baby that’s how and it took time for me to gained the weight and it will take me time to lose it. I kept telling myself that but I just didn’t like my body I was only a couple of weeks pp (silly) I know but hey how you feel about yourself effects your life in every way and I worked so hard so I just didn’t want to let go of what I looked like just a few short months ago. I was just shocked my pre preggers jeans didn’t fit I had a tummy and leaking breasts ( I pump) no one told me this (its like the secret) to motherhood. No one told me that the weight takes time to come off so when I went for my two week post scar check up I weighed 142 pounds and looked very much like I did. My scar was healing I should have been happy but I wasn’t. I was a little upset (hormones) I started working out 2 weeks pp just walking and doing light excersises to help my abs regain strength which helped my skin attach back to the muscle. My body is amazing it helped grow my baby, this amazing little boyy who is so perfect (to me) my body may not be model thin or bikini ready but it will be. I haven’t been on the scale since but my six week pp appointment is coming up I’m happy cause I know I lost more weight I can see and feel the difference as soon as I’m in the clear I would love to start running a couple days out the week, I know my body will come back I try to have a postive out look I eat healthy and in small porportions I listen to my body when I need rest I rest (try 2) and most of all I’m enjoying my lil man I could hold him forever. Its not easy it takes time and work I’m like many people I like things to happen over night which is just not real. I now really apprecaite my body and all that it did/does for me, motherhood is such an amazing experience I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I kind of wish I would have truly enjoyed the weight gained and not got upset when the number on the scale went up (that’s one thing I would have changed) I wished I would have embraced it more. I know next time what to expect (I want more kids) and I’m going to enjoy it and welcome the weight gain as a sign that I’m something short of amazing. I included some pics the first three pics are me pre pregnancy, the second one is me preggers and the third two pics is me two weeks pp and the last three pics is me a five weeks pp!

Updated here.

Happy on the Outside (DeAnna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I am the mother of 2 gorgeous children. I am 22 years old. I had my daughter at age 19. I always had a very cute figure so the sudden change my body took after having my daughter left me in a horrible postpartum depression. I had horrible stretch marks covering my stomach. I started working out & eventually got the baby weight off in about a year, but the stretch marks kept me down. I ended up having the laser removal which didnt remove the marks but certainly made them less noticeable. I was finally back to a good confident attitude & was back in my bikini and loving myself again! Then 2 years later I got married to a wonderful man & we had our son Sept 27, 2010. I gained about 15 more pounds with him than I did my daughter which has now resulted in more stretch marks and baggy, saggy skin. I ended up with a emergency c section and now am left with this dreaded post c section pooch. I was so happy to find this website to see Im not alone. I know Im only about 5 weeks postpartum, but Im still pretty hard on myself. I plan to work out and get the weight off, but Im just having a really hard time with my self confidence. Right before I gave birth to my son I caught my husband talking to his ex wife behind my back which really hurt me. Now, with that in the back of my head, my confidence level is at a all time low and Im so paranoid since I feel like I look digusting he will think the same and cheat on me. We are trying to work through our issues and although things are better I still beat myself up on the inside. I refuse to let him see me naked. He dosent understand why I run and hide in the bathroom to change clothes and I always lock the door even to shower. I just cant bare to let him see me like this. I seem to be a very happy person on the outside, but I am so depressed when it comes down to it. I love my children and I wouldnt give them up for the most perfect body in the world, but I have to figure out how to accept my body. Like I mentioned before with time, working out, & this website I know I can get there eventually & its good to know Im not alone.

age: 22
births: 2…1 vaginal 1 c section
childrens age: 2 & 1 month

11 Weeks PP (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
11 weeks PP
Emergency cesarean

So I am 11 weeks PP and like most women am finding it hard to get used to what I see in the mirror. I don’t hate my body but I’m far from loving it. I had a pretty good pregnancy i think, high blood pressure towards the end but generally i felt pretty good. I thought the birth would be simple, painful obviously but simple and natural. It didn’t even occur to me that i could have problems. I was young and healthy and saw no reason why it wouldn’t go smoothly. During my labour the baby wasn’t getting enough oxygen, i got to 8cm dialated when i was rushed off for an emergency cesarean. When they pulled out my baby the side of my stomach tore, due to this my scar is longer than it would usually be. Still I am fine and bub is fine and thats what matters.

I have stretch marks on the front and sides of my stomach and on my thighs. My stomach is really wobbly and i still don’t fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I’m trying really hard, eating healthy and excercising at least 4 times a week but as yet not much has changed. My husband tells me I am being to hard on myself and overly critical. He tells me im beautiful and I really don’t no what i would do without his support. Sometimes i get really down on myself and my new body then i look at my wonderful husband and gorgeous son and think how can i feel sad when i have so much. I still dislike my body and i really hope to get my old body back but honestly it is a small price to pay for my beautiful son.

Picture 1 – Me 40 weeks pregnant
Picture 2 and 3 – Me right now 11 weeks pp

I Love My Boys, I HATE My Body! (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

Age: 20
# of pregnancies/births/cesareans: 2
Age of children: 2 1/2(born:2008) and 13months(born:2009)
Postpartum: 13months as of 10/10

I got pregnant for the first time at 17, before then i had always worried about my weight and at 5’6″ 147lbs i wasn’t over weight. Now i am 286lbs and i cant stop thinking about it. Not only do i feel bad and unattractive, but i know it is bad for my health.

during my first pregnancy i didn’t really care about my weight gain, i guess i always thought it would be easy to lose later. but after i had my first son i felt (and looked like) and empty vessel. i had gained at least 40lbs during my pregnancy, though I’m not sure how sense i was vomiting the whole pregnancy. i was all stretch marked and i hadn’t really lost any weight after giving birth, which BTW i had a csection. and then i actually gained weight after the birth. so after my csection i had that as an excuse not to exercise, that and ya know being too tired and any other excuse i could think of. then me and my then boyfriend/baby daddy got married. then we decided to have another baby. and at 18 i got pregnant right away(9months after my first). and i had actually been put on pills to get my period back, which I’m sure i didn’t get cause of the weight gain. but after my first period on the pills is when we got pregnant. then yet again i really didn’t worry about how much weight i gained. i monitored it a little more but i still ate what i wanted, when i was not barfing cause yet again i had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. and at the end of my second pregnancy i had gained I’m sure at least 30lbs. and after the birth of my second son i still didn’t lose the weight. and yet again gained more after the baby was born and used the excuse again that i had a c section.

now that I’m pushing 300lbs, I’ve gone from a 38C cup to a 44 DD cup, I’m stretched marked to hell, and have horrible back, knee, and hip pain, it really is alot harder to exercise. i tire a lot easier and the pain gets almost unbearable. on top of all that, I’m really scared of exercising alone. I’ve set up dates to walk with friends and they some how always end up blowing me off. and i know that i need to just get over it and go do it. and even if i do lose the weight i do not think that i will ever be satisfied with my body again(not that i was really before). all i keep thinking is “I’m 20, my body shouldn’t look like this.” i don’t like looking in the mirror or shopping for clothes cause its just depressing, when you used to be able to pick up a size 11 or 12 and it would fit now you’re in a 20 something. my husband hates when i say things like this, about being fat and such. he doesn’t understand cause he has the high metabolism, and so hes skinny. and i know its horrible but I’m so jealous of him. he says I’m beautiful, and i just really wish that i could see it that way. I’ve read about a bunch of women who are embracing their post baby bod, and i just wish that i was that strong. and the crazy thing is while pregnant i feel so much more beautiful, but as soon as the baby is born i don’t.

I love my boys so much, they are everything to me. the only thing i would change is i would exercise and watch what i ate while i was pregnant and after.

yet again we are talking about another baby. i really do want a big family, but i know that i need to be in good health to have a healthy baby. so i want to at least get close to my pre-pregnancy size. i just wish that i knew now how to do that.

Thanks to all of you brave women for posting your stories. :)

1. before pregnancy
2. pregnant with #1
3. PP after 1
4. pregnant with #2
5. PP after 2
6. c section scar after 2
7. 13 months PP after 2
8. 13 months PP after 2
9. my 1 year old
10. my 2 1/2 year old

Update – I Had My Baby! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 7 Comments

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 1/2 weeks postpartum

My previous entry is here – Since then, I’ve had my baby! The day that I turned 36 weeks my water broke. It was about 6 am. We had gotten to the hospital within 10 minutes since we knew that my cerclage would need to come out. My doctor came in and immediatly got set up to remove the stitch. This is a procedure that is usually not painful at all, but sadly, for me it was. The doctor tried and tried but the stitch was embedded into my cervix and the pain was excrutiating. The doctor gave up and it was off to the OR for a C section. My baby was born on September 28, 2010 at 10 am. He weighed 6 lb 4 oz and was 18 1/4 inches long. He is a good size for preemie! We had a 5 day hospital stay because of the C section and the baby was a bit jaundice. He is home now though and is doing great! I truley love him more than anything in the world. I am breastfeeding and it’s really been rough on me but I am doing my best and baby is gaining weight! It’s been two and a half weeks postpartum and I’ve gone from 152 pounds down to about 130. I am almost at my prepregnancy weight but my stomach is still flabby with stretch marks. I have that stupid little flab that hangs over the C section scar. Oh well.. it was all worth it for my little man. I have lots of pictures here for ya :) The first is my last pregnancy photo at 35 weeks.. I was huge!, the next is my boyfriend holding our little boy after my C section, the next is my first look at my little guy.. so in love!, next is my little guy!, then it’s me about 2 1/2 weeks postpartum, and then a picture of my lovely stretch marks!, and last is a picture of me and my little man. Thanks for reading! :)

Hoping for a Miracle (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 5 (3 miscarriages, 1 a set of twins) Births: 1
Age of children: almost three, 6 weeks pregnant

Growing up I was never sure if I wanted children. I was not sure if I had the patience. I met my husband my freshman year of college. We dated for about 7 months and we found out we were pregnant. We were shocked. My first appointment I was told I was only about 4 weeks along – all we saw was a yolk sac. At my next appointment (4 weeks later) There was a fetal pole, it was measuring 6 weeks, but I was told not to be concerned by the discrepancy. Fast forward three weeks and I started cramping and spotting. A trip to the emergency room later I was told I was miscarrying. They gave me pain medicine, sent me home, and scheduled a D&C. The next day I was back in the emergency room. They hospitalized me while I passed “the embryonic tissues.” Two months later me and my husband married. Three months flew by and we decided to start trying to get pregnant. My first appointment was fine, they tested by hcg levels over 4 days and they were increasing as they should… 2 weeks later, another miscarriage. We decided that we were going to wait to try to get pregnant again. One night, one thing led to another and we did not use any protection. Thank god. Because 9 months later our beautiful baby girl was born. I had an interesting pregnancy. I have type 1 diabetes (juvenile onset, insulin dependent), had extra amniotic fluid through much of my pregnancy (which I would like to think contributed to the 70 lbs I gained – lol), and went into premature labor twice (due to the abnormally small size of my uterus and the stress from the extra amniotic fluid). I ended up having a “non-emergency emergency c-section” (yes you are reading that right – that is how the doctor referred to it) after our daughters heart rate dropped multiples time during my induction. Our daughter was in the special care nursery for 4 hours before they would let me see her (her oxygen levels were low due to a hold in her heart). Four days later (after my daughter was treated for jaundice) we were released from the hospital. The hole in her heart healed on its own and she is thriving. She is now a rowdy 3 year old red head (she has the temper to match). Recently me and my husband decided we should try for another baby. Five months ago We found out I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. Two weeks later, I miscarried – a set of twins. Heartbreak. Two weeks ago, I found out I am pregnant. Evidently I don’t have a problem getting pregnant – just staying pregnant. I am now 6.5 weeks pregnant. I had an ultrasound two days ago and we saw a heartbeat. I am scared as hell, but already in love with this tiny baby inside of me. Here’s hoping for another miracle!

picture 1: me 32 weeks pregnant with my daughter
picture 2: our beautiful baby girl
picture 3-5: me today, almost 3 years postpartum and 6.5 weeks pregnant.

Updated here.