Time Has Healed Me (Anonymous)

Previous post here.

Age: 29
4 pregnancies, 2 births
Children’s ages: 3 1/2 and 2 years old

I first posted to this site a year and a half ago. At the time I had a 6 month old baby and was struggling with what two pregnancies, in 18 months, had done to my body, as well as the hormonal throws of being postpartum. I was on my way to losing weight and getting back in shape.

However, shortly after I posted, I fell pregnant with what would have been our 3rd child in less than 3 years. The stress of the unplanned pregnancy, the extreme symptoms that came along with it and the financial strain of our growing family threw our life into a bleak and painful tailspin. My husband had to take time off work to take care of our children because my blood pressure was so low that I was bed bound from 6 weeks. We feared for how our family would continue to function. My husband turned against me under the pressure and our marriage began to break down.

In a devastatingly fortunate turn of events my symptoms started to fade just when he needed to head back to work. I wasn’t shocked when a routine ultrasound at 12 weeks showed the fetus had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at 10.5 weeks. Due to my immobility, in the 12 weeks I was pregnant, I gained 20 pounds. I also almost lost my marriage and decimated our finances. I was beside myself with grief, sadness and regret but I knew that wallowing in those feelings would do me no good. After all, we had two children relying on us, so we had no choice but to set out on a mission to put our lives back together.

A year and a half later, I can say that we have done that and more. We have been to the precipice and came back hand in hand. We know how to fight for our marriage and giving up is not an option. Through dedication and hard work, my husband got a new job with much more flexibility and better pay. I have lost 40 pounds and am feeling great!

I do yoga 2-3 times a week, eat in moderation, drink lots of water and make sure to get my fruits and veggies. I feel great about my body and my mind. I am a more patient, thoughtful mother since choosing to take care of myself and love myself.

If you look back at my previous post, there is a 20+ pound difference between then and now. But you can see my body is totally different due to gaining muscle tone from the yoga. I have stretch marks and lose skin, I except this about myself while working to improve the things I can. Time, patience and dedication will heal your body. It will heal your whole LIFE! Never give up on yourself, keep fighting to be the person you want to be and live the life you want to live. You are worth it and you can do it.

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Struggling More Than Ever (Lee-Ann)

I’m really struggling with my body image, I always struggled but it’s worse than ever. I have never felt so horrible about the way I look. In my mind, I have the worst and ugliest body ever, to the point of tears, incredible sadness and depression. I just had my third and last baby almost 3 months ago and my biggest fear is that I will never lose the baby weight or be able to look in the mirror and be o.k. with what I see. I am nursing my little guy and so I can’t diet and/or possibly revert back to old ways ( starving ).

All this causes a huge strain in my marriage. See, with my first son, I was a single mom. With my second son, my husband died the week I gave birth ( we were in a bad car accident ) and so this time with this baby, it’s the first time dealing with the post baby body with someone who sees how horrible I look. With him, it’s even more difficult because for the first 3 plus years we were together, he wasn’t exactly loyal, there was a lot of damage done esp. in regarding my body image. He was always complementing other woman, looking at other women, saying how hot they were while I got nothing. I remember like it was yesterday, we went to a water park/hotel. Prior to the weekend we went, I told him how hard it was going to be for me to be in a swim suit in front of people and that I’d like it if he complimented me when he saw me in one. Well, I put my bathing suit on and got nothing. When we left our hotel room and got to the water park, he proceeded to drool over every other women there. Several times, I have put on lingerie and literally got nothing or at most a little look at that’s it. These are just 2 examples of MANY and I have such a difficult time letting go of all the times I “wasn’t good enough”. Before you ask me why I am with this man, let me explain something. Before me, his only other experience with a real woman was in high school and after that for about 10 years until he met me, all he had was porn, page 3 girls, magazines, strip clubs and his buddies who weren’t much better. The man was a pig and a thoughtless jerk and because of the porn and other smut, I believe he was a victim of what society does to men ( brainwashing them about what woman look like/what woman are for, just like we are affected by all the crap we are fed ). For the past 2 and a half years, he’s really changed/grown up. (at least I hope he truly has ) He won’t dare ogle other women ( at least not in front of me ), he’s extremely affectionate, he compliments me every day, he’s really attentive, is a wonderful dad and a hard worker for our family. But every time he looks at me, I am thinking of all the women he wanted/was attracted to and I know I can never measure up or be as good as them. And it kills me inside because all I want is for him to look at me and see the most beautiful woman ever ( which he claims I am ). I guess I am really stuck in how he use to be and afraid to trust that he really does love me and my body now or that I am what he wants, in spite of my flaws.

I hate!!! my middle, wish I didn’t have so many stretch marks or cellulite and my nipples look deformed to me…one is much lower than the other. After I gave birth, I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight within a few weeks but because of nursing, I eat and eat some more and have put on almost 10 lbs. So, as most women lose weight after a baby, I am gaining and this messes with my head. It doesn’t help that it’s a bad winter and can’t get out for walks. I am stuck at home, in p.j.’s, covered in vomit and it’s just hard to feel sexy/sexual. I try to look at my children and remember that my body did that….gave birth to 3 beautiful boys. I avoid anything that triggers me feeling worse about the way I look and of course, I am ever thankful for SOAM for showing me I am not alone. I just want to feel good in my own skin and maybe even one day, feel beautiful. Thanks for letting me share and for posting some pics ( I couldn’t decide which ones to post so I am sharing them all ). -Lee-Ann

Age-36
# of pregnancies-7/live births- 3
Ages of children- 18, 9 and almost 3 months

Still Struggling (Anonymous)

This will be my 3rd submission and I’m sad to say things have not gotten better. I had my daughter in 2008 after a 50lb weight gain. The stretch marks do not bother me, I could care less if anyone sees them. It’s my stomach I hate. I was skinny when my husband and I got together. Since then I’ve gained 40 lbs. I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore even though he tells me he does. He is a porn addict and will not accept it. He hides it from me, using private browsing when he watches. Uses the bathroom (BM) several times a day. A normal person does not poop 3-4 times a day. I guess he thinks I’m stupid, he tells me thats what he’s doing. I’ve given up trying to talk about it because he just shuts down or denies it. I just let it happen and let it eat away at me little by little. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, they turn it back on me and say it’s my fault. Every guy does it and it’s normal. This is not normal….. I go online and read blogs and other websites with other women dealing with the same thing and most of the time it helps me get by. We HAVE watched the porn together and we always do new crazy things, even thing I’m not necessarily thrilled about but I try them because he wants to. But I saw something on one the other day. The guy said he has to get off to porn because that’s the only way he’ll ever see an attractive woman naked because his wife isn’t anymore because she has put on weight since having their son. That hurt! We go through so much to have these babies and for a husband to say that about his wife who has given birth to their son just hurts my heart. It left me wondering, does my husband feel the same way? Is that why he watches it so much? He doesn’t initiate much anymore, especially recently. I’m 4 months pregnant with our second baby, a baby boy! I am terrified it’s going to make my body worse. I’m not eating properly. I haven’t gain any weight, I’ve in fact lost 10 lbs since my first doctors appt. I’m scared my husband finds me repulsive and to think he could be thinking what that guy said, tears me apart. He’d never tell me if he did, so I’m left to wonder……

Pictures are of me today at 4 months pregnant.

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 ( 1 miscarriage, one birth, currently pregnant)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 years PP

Mother of Four (Anonymous)

I am a 33 year old Mother to four boys. Twins who are 9 1/2, 6 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. I am posting my pictures of my body as it is now after 4 kids and 3 pregnancies. I am 5′ 7″ and 170 pounds.

I would say I am 50% comfortable in my own skin. My husband tell’s me he thinks I am so sexy yet I don’t feel it because of my flabby belly. I have recently looked into getting a breast lift and tummy tuck. My husband supports me if it is something I want to do. I am so torn. I don’t want to be shallow and selfish.

I guess I am posting my picture on here to get encouragement from other Mothers. I know I am my worst enemy since I feel my stomach is just nasty. The picture of my stomach up close with the black markings of a football shape is the skin the Doctor would remove if I had a tummy tuck.

My today after two children and significant weight loss. (Anonymous)

Age: 36
Number of pregnancies/births: 5/2 (both c-sections)
Children aged 5 years and 14 months

I’m 36 years old and fascinated by your website! What a great idea to show realistic photos of women who have given birth.

Here’s my story:
My first child was born in 2008. It was my first pregnancy and, being overweight, I started with187lb (I’m only 5,2ft).

At the end I weighed 209 lb and I had a c-section which wasn’t planned at all and which left me very unhappy for a long time.

To my surprise all the weight I had put on was gone after 4 weeks (a lot of water) and also my stretchmarks didn’t look so bad. However, my belly looked worse than before the pregnancy and even then I hadn’t liked it.

In the following I lost and gained weight as so often in my life.

And we wanted to have another child, but unfortunately I had 3 miscarriages, all in the first trimester.
My 5th pregnancy was successful again! I started and ended with the same weight as in my first pregnancy and again it was a c-section after endless hours of labour.

Breastfeeding worked a lot better than with child #1, but after 2 months I didn’t have enough milk anymore and had to stop.

My weight went from 209 lb down to 194 lb in the weeks after birth but then it stopped and I felt very uncomfortable.

So I decided to change my lifestyle and within a year I lost another 62 lb. I feel so much better and with 133 lb I’m as thin as I had been about 10 years ago.

With clothes on I find my shape pretty ok now , but things look different when I’m naked. My belly has never been nice and flat, but now it’s wrinkly and saggy (in the pictures it looks better than in reality). Also my breasts don’t look like they used to, but still I find them quite nice. Other than my belly which somehow feels as if it doesn’t belong to me as it really wobbles around. For the extra skin I think this won’t become any better or nicer. I was even thinking about surgery, but when I found this website I saw that many women have a belly like mine and that it’s nothing uncommon for a woman who was pregnant.

Trying to Accept My New Breasts (Maya)

First I need to excuse my bad english, which is not my mother language. I am a 34 years old german mother of two wonderful children. The first, my daughter, was a c-section, my son was born vaginally. My daughter ist 3.5, my son 1.3 years old.

I love this website, it gives me so much reading the posts of moms who feel the same way than me. For a very long time I hadn’t had the heard to post here because I know objectively seen I don’t look that bad. I was lucky getting no strechmarks and having an almost flat belly. I got varices in my second pregnancy. It needed to be operate on and my disorders are gone. But my legs still don’t look fine, and never will.

But, however, I am struggeling with how my breast looks like. My breast never was very big, but beautiful. They had a nice shape and were perky. Now they‘re tiny, saggy and flat! Unfortunatly I have no picture from my non-mommy breasts. I always wore a 34B before heaving children. Now I had a brafitting and know this had never been my true size (I wear a 30D now!). So you may have an idea of my “old breast size”. During pregnancy and breastfeeding time my breast was huge (for me), (fitted) 30F in my second pregnancy! During my first pregnancy it was even bigger and I wore absolutely crazy sizes that hadn’t fit.

I find that my “new“ post-partum breast doesn’t fit to the rest of my body. I am slim but I always had kind of a “latino bottom“ and “strong legs“. I was not happy about this in the past, but it’s ok. This is me, I ever looked like this. But I feel like this breast is not mine! As if it have lost its sexual attractivity. I feel so unwomenly! This breast could look fine when I was a skinny, petite type. My breasts alway were a part of my body that I liked and sometimes even loved. I had been happier if they would have been one size bigger, but most time I was ok with them. My legs and sometimes my bottom had been my biggest body issues over the years. Now I don’t matter about them and hate my breast. I really don’t know I can learn to love or like them again.

Like most women‘s husband here my husband loves my body and breast. He just dosen’t love my self-insecurity and is tired to hear. That is a problem because he is my very best friend and now I dare to speak with him about my feelings for my body afraid of he could be turned off. I’m not sure if this is the right english formulation for what I want to say, so I hope you can understand what I mean. I have no one to talk with about my worries neither none of my friends beeing afraid I could hurt someones emotions when I speek bad about my body knowing or wondering if she is struggeling more with her body than me.

I breastfed both children for 10 months. I stopped brestfeeding my son 5 months ago. My breast has already got a little better since then. I hope and pray that it will regain volume in one or two years. I need to admitt that I’m jealous of most women here, they all sem to have more breast than me.

17 Days Post-Cesarean (Anonymous)

Second pregnancy, one m/c at 16 weeks, one birth by cesarean 17 days ago, age 27, yes to media use, please post from anonymous and do not include email address.

Today I am 17 days post c section and feeling good physically. I have the sweetest, most adorable baby and couldn’t be happier as a new mom!

After having a miscarriage years ago, I wondered if I would have a child and now, sitting here next to my little precision miracle just listening to him breathe, I realize how truly blessed I am. He is a gorgeous reminder of the blessings I have been allowed in this life.

After becoming very ill, I was forced to sustain an induced labor that resulted in failure to progress due to having a small pelvis. I endured 30+ hours of labor and then was ordered to have an emergency c section. The c section news was, at the time, scary but I trusted what was happening and only wanted my little baby to be safely delivered. So, all plans dissolved and a new plan took over. I delivered via c section and life began.

It’s been crazy since he birth of my baby with trying to recover from my own personal illness plus the surgery but I feel better. The first week was awful but I forced myself forward. In fact, I was up visiting my baby in the nicu just two hours after my delivery. The days were hard and getting up was harder but I made it.

Today, I am trying to decide if my scar is healing okay. I had my staples out ten days post op and today is the 17th day since the c section. Pre pregnancy I weighed between 110-114 and on the day of delivery I was at 142. The day my staples were removed, I had lost down to 123 and today, I am at 119. My tummy has gone down but the incision has me bummed. I have always had a flat belly and now, there is a swollen like area just above the scar that makes me just cringe. I feel guilty for concerning myself with it but still cannot help it. Will this pudge above the scar ever go away?? Or do I accept this shelf like area?

Here are the current pics…

7 children: A Body to Remember (Stacy)

Age: 33
Children: 15, 10, 8, 7, 6, 4, 18 months
Births: 5 C-Sections followed by 2 unassisted births (UBAC)

Previous post here.

Even though I have 5 previous entries here, over the past five and a half years, I feel inclined to submit again. I love this site because it is the only place I have ever found that speaks of the profound changes that women go through and the unique challenge that we face to experience it in the 21st century. Some days it surprises me that women can muster any confidence at all, given the images and verbiage we are forced to ingest everyday; all around us. I like to be reminded of the normalcy of these changes. I like to see the triumphs and the sadness. The joy and the pain. Because, just like with birth, both come as one. To overcome is to conquer the fear of not being enough. To climb the mountain is to see the view we have been waiting for…

20 Years Old, 2 Babies (Anonymous)

I’m 21 in February, I’ve had two boys very close together my eldest is 16 months my youngest is 4 months old. I feel like ill never be pretty again my body is wrecked. I have stretch marks I have a bigger stomach I don’t feel good about being me anymore. I wanted to post here to see what others thought just to see if I’m the only one feeling like this x

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(Shantel)

Number of pregnancies 3 births 1 age 25

So it’s been almost 2 years since I last posted on here. My son is 2 years old and a few months. Im sure no one will remember me from back then so I will just start from the beginning! I had my son at 23 c section he was 9 lbs 3 ounces. I didn’t gain a whole lot of weight during the pregnancy but my belly was gigantic. My stomach was stretched beyond repair. I’ve been struggling with this everyday since I had him.

Now I am 4 months pregnant with my second baby and I hope to god it doesn’t get worse or that all my hard work won’t be undone because I have put a lot or sweat money and tears into looking as good as I do now which sadly isn’t very good :(

Anyway I will start with a few photos from last year (some will be fully nude)

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This is about a year after having him

These were a few months ago

And now from today as I am pregnant

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I think I look great with clothes on

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I just wish I could feel the same confidence in the bedroom!

And one of me and my son

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