Belly

Size 16 Mom of 2 (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Back, Belly, Cesarean, Hypoplasia, Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT), Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, VBAC 17 Comments

~Your Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8 months pp
~Any key words (second pregnancy, plus sized mom, cesarean, etc): cesarean, VBAC, plus sized, second pregnancy, Hypoplasia, IGT

I have 2 children. They are 19 months apart. The youngest is 8.5 months old in these pictures. I started this pregnancy at 206lbs and now weigh 203lbs. I gained 26.5lbs but lost most of it within 3months. My body however, is not looking the same even though I am lighter now than I was when I got pregnant. I look bigger still even though the scale says I am smaller. I had a c/section with my oldest for “failure to progress” since I didnt know any better at the time. I had a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after c/section) with my youngest…which took a HUGE weight off my chest. My body WAS capable of doing it! I wasnt “broken”!

I currently weigh 203lbs and am a size 16. I started working out 3.5 months ago and was a size 18 and 210lbs. I run 3.5-4 miles at a time, 4-5 days a week and do strength training 4-5 days a week as well. My calorie limit is 1700 a day. It is so frustrating to be doing all this and STILL look like I do. I hate the way I look. I hate the fat overhang that I have. I hate the back fat. I hate the fact that from the side, my boobs and belly fall in one straight line.

I was always active and thin…then I gained a bunch of weight during a stressful time in my life…got pregnant before losing any of it and then got pregnant again when my oldest was only 10 months. I refuse to be in pictures anymore. I just want to cry when I see them, so whats the point?

I hate the way I look. and I hate my stupid, deformed breasts. Not only at they ugly and small, but they dont even work! I am not breast feeding due to Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT – tubular hypoplastic breasts – I only produce about 8oz of milk a day MAX even with all the supplements, prescriptions, pumping, nursing round the clock, etc..). I will never have breasts that dont look deformed…I used to console myself with the fact that they serve a purpose and as long as they can feed your children then who cares what they look like….but I cant even feed my babies!

The first picture is me 3 months pp from my first. The second picture is me at 38 weeks with my second (delivered at 41w5d). The rest were taken at 8.5 months pp from my second.

My Story With Lily – Update (Marissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 3 Comments

Original entry here.

I have lost 76 pounds, 10 more to go. im right now a 140 lbs, but the new pics are when i was a 144 lbs. I have finally started my period and the weight is coming off quickly. Plus, i eat right and jog. so its been helping alot. i hope i end up in my pre pregnancy weight of 130 by summer. I hate my stretch marks still, they attacked everywhere and i see they only faded, but are still highly noticable. Also, i lost alot ofhel weight in my breast and thats bumming me out, i hate for them to sag. But im slowly loving my body, its difficult but im accepting it. I just want to feel sexy again i suppose. But the pictures of me in the red underwear was from about 4 months ago, and the one with the white/pinkish was taken about a a couple of weeks ago. Im still hoping to drop these last ten pounds! but i guess im fooling myself, in my mind i think that if i lose the last pounds, my stretch marks will disappear, my boobs would perk up and my flab will be flat again. but i just want to feel good in my own skin again. Im not sucking in with either picture. but thank you for reading! I love this supporting site. =]

From “Pro-Ana” to Post-Partum (Annie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, Postpartum, Submissions 26 Comments

Pregnancies-2 Births-2
14 months postpartum
25 yearsold
Daughter 3 years old Son 14 months

I went from worshiping this

042710-annie-1

to this

042710-annie-2

I suffered… uh.. have been suffering…well.. am struggeling against having.. ugh.. I HAVE an eating disorder. Kinda like … once and Alcoholic always an alcoholic… if im not very carefull I trip and fall flat on my face. Anorexia and bulima have been a contant companion, violent relentless enemy, savior and murderer to me for 12 years now. It began quietly… at first then before I knew it took over my whole life, my mind, my heart and my soul. It took me out and threw me in the trash and filled every part of my ever diminishing life oozing, and destroying, slowly killing me. I ended up at 19 in and out of the ER untill 20 when I was interventioned into treatment after 6 months and a whole whirlwind of drama i left treatment, I got married suddenly to an old friend from high school and with in 3 months we were pregnant. We… rather… I wanted to get pregnant. I wanted nothing more in life then to have a whole family, something that was truely mine. I wasnt ready … I didnt like the out of control feeling I had when my then pretty thin and in-shape body started to morph and change. With morning sickness so intense I had my very own room at the OB office for daily IV fluids. Morning sickness gave way back in to purging… back in to bulimia. Through the whole pregnancy I was bulimic. I was intensly asshamed and hated that I was hurting my baby but I had lost my self then. at 38 weeks they induced labor because of pre-eclampsia and 48 hours later my perfect daughter was born. She has some respritory complications but they were caused by a medication they gave me during labor to keep my blood presure down, not because of anything I had done. Praise God that she was okay. After a short stent in the NICU she came home healthy and happy and hasnt looked back since. I however was not happy. I loved my child Loved her soooo much! but I HATED my body. within a few months I gave way back to bulimia after troubles breast feeding and having to pump constantly I felt like a cow.. I felt like I looked like a cow and I couldnt stand it. At 9 months PP I ended up in treatment again at Remuda Ranch envying the girls with feeding tubes.. a few months later we got pregnant again with my son. This time I switched from Bulimia to Anorexia and 1 month into the pregnancy my husband deployed to iraq leaving me sick with morning sickness again and a VERY srong willed 1 yearold. needless to say things didnt go well. I lost 14 pounds before I gained anything…. 3 months later my husband was “Red Crossed” home because I was starving myself and my unborn son to death. I entered treatment again at a place in Florida and finally gained weight. I was 6 months pregnant and you could barely tell. One month after I left Florida I gave birth prematurely to a 6 pound baby boy. In contrast to the first delivery I had this one went smoothly and calmly and My Son had no complications even being a month premautre. He was tiny though and still is to this day.
Things have been different this time around. I dont have as much time to worry about my body I fall in and out of eating disordered behaviors but not quite with ther ferocity that I once had. I still hate my body. I really hate it.. And I hate the weight to height chart ratio things.. acording to it Im overweight… first time in my life! I had to stop playing Wii fit cause it was killing me inside to hear it tell me everyday.. “thats over weight!” ugh.
I know what my eyes see in the mirror isnt what everyone else sees but it’s still tormenting. I went from Unmarried and (sadly) pro Ana ( which is a “cultish” internet community that encourages eating disorders as a “way of life” instead of something that is life threatening and DISORDERED… ) to a married mom of two small children.
Beyond the body and eating issues I love my children and Im begining to love my life more and more everyday. After my son was born I had my tubes tied so that I couldnt have another pregnancy and put another precious life at risk. But.. in my heart I feel like there is a third child waiting to be born. And In time I pray that My loving and forgivning God in heaven will change me and prepare me to receive that child is it is his will one day. Hopefully in a healthy and natural way. My children keep my mind and my heart busy and as long as I am walking with God he keeps my soul busy too. And thus there should be no time for eating disorders… only passing glances in the mirror and a few tormenting moments thinking about summer seasons and bathing suits and what not.. but then a loving sweet voice calls out.. ” Momma… I need help… Momma.. read book… ” and I am called back to reality.. where it really doesnt matter what my body looks like.. Who cares! I am healthy… and my children are healthy ( thank God) and my husband who has weathered my “whole storm” has percivered and still loves me just the way I am, strech marks, sagging, wider hips and all.
One day… maybe I can feel the same way too, but for now.. I focus on what I do like. Like.. Im a kick butt mom! and I do a pretty good job at keeping the house clean, among MANY other things.. oh.. and I like my hair… lol…see it’s not all bad.
For the moms out there struggeling.. The thing I find the most helpful is to surround myself with strong women who arent ashamed of their bodies.. not that they love them or think they are prefect… but.. we are moms.. we have much to be proud of. I feel so inspired when I see a mom at the pool that isnt prefect but isnt hiding it.. CONFIDENCE>>> that’s attractive. no matter what you look like… yep.
Well that is all Im gonna give, too much to little… who knows. but thats the story of my body. Hope it helps someone!

I’m done doing nothing when I could work at being at my best! (vsmama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Hi! I am a 27 year old mother to a beautiful 2.5 year old boy! I’ve been with my husband since I was 19
and we only found out we were pregnant 2 months short of me turning 25. I never had to exercise and always wore ‘sexy’ but classy outfits. I was about 144 lbs and 5’4″wearing a size 5-6. I was very active and loved my midsection, always showing my midriff!! lol Then when I got pregnant I was very happy and had a fairly smooth pregnancy. I didn’t start having stretch marks till about my 8th month along and reached 198 lbs at the day of my inducement, giving birth to a 8lb 11oz 21inches baby boy :)

I dropped to about 160 not long after delivery and was still able to fit into all my pre-preg clothes with exception to the baby pooch. The combination of the labor (24 hours and 30 min push!!) and having such a big pregnancy belly, I still up to this day am suffering from back pain (I’m unable to bathe my son so daddy has to do it) and pains on the left side of my body. I would wear out pretty quickly and with on demand breastfeeding I was way too exhausted to even bother with working out. Not too long after I put on excess weight which just exacerbated my body pains. I pretty much just gave up on myself.

I still don’t know how much I weight because I can’t bear to…I don’t even go shopping like I used to…I’ve resorted to sweat pants and hoodies to cover the bulges and my bigger thighs. Then one night I just was sick of feeling stuck in this body so I then found this site after trying to search for other women who were in my situation. I’ve read almost all the stories on this site and have found such renewed respect for my body. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that my body made my beautiful son but I think I needed more motivation to RESTORE my body to its best:) I am so inspired by everyone on this site and have soo much respect for each one of your bravery and confidence. I truly believe you all are beautiful!!! I have started just recently exercising and am feeling great about myself!! I’m not where I want to be yet but I’m
confident I will be! Because of all the photos on this site, I have showed my husband finally in 2.5 years my body!! Just today!!!

That’s such a big step for me because I don’t even like to look at it myself..I just feel that with this site I have that support even with just you all sharing your stories. So thank you!!! I haven’t the courage YET to weigh myself but I will update my photos again as I progress further towards my goal:)

First photo is before pregnancy w/ the flat tummy
Second photo is a month pp still small legs but w baby pooch
Third photo is my weight gain..(keep in mind I was wearing a ‘slimming’ suit lol my weight continued to climb so I stopped taking photos after this)
Fourth photo Sept 09 2 yrs 4 months pp
Fifth photo December 2 yrs 6 month pp
sixth and seventh Feb 19 2010
eigth photo as of today March 2010
I’m excited for the changes to be seen with my new motivation to be fit but either way I have started to really love my body now mentally and emotionally so that’s helping a lot to keep me going :)

Age: 27
1 pregnancy 1 birth
2 and 1/2 years postpartum

Updated here and here.

Living For So Much (Natalia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 15 Comments

Age: 20
Pregnancies/births: 3 pregnancies/ 1 birth
Number of children: 1 son, Ronin, age 2

I found out I was pregnant when I was 17, which truly caught me by suprise. I know I wasn’t on birth control, but we used a condom every time. Could it be possible I was the 1% that the condom didn’t work for?? Lame right? Well to be honest, part of me was really excited to have a baby! I know I was young, but my heart and my mind said this was right. After making it through a kidney infection 10 weeks in, everything went smoothly and I was getting closer to my home water birth. During that time, I got stretch marks in ungodly places…places I thought to myself “you can really get them THERE??”. My breast size…went from a 32A to a 34DD. Crazy right? I actually got some tiger stripes on the back of my calves too! But the exstacy I felt when I was able to hold my son right after birth….washed away all those thoughts of my changing body. He diminished all my innercomplaints of the ever expanding butt and feet I thought of. He is 2 now, and I have to say, trying to bounce back was hard, and I’m not even fully where I dream of being. But quite frankly, I don’t give a darn. I say hurrah for mothers! Hurrah for tiger stripes! Together we stand, an army of life! The flabby skin, the not so tight areas…the dark nipples and sagging boobs…the dimpled buttcheeks and wider hips. This all just proclaims that we, yes we, have used what god gave us! I’m ready for more and more children. I know what lays ahead for my body, but that is the least of my concerns. I congradulate all mothers on this site. And I wish everyone the best of luck and love. Keep on skipping along mommies, and know that you have an army of us with you :-) Peace out

pic#1…..7 months preggo
pic#2…..3 weeks postpartum
pic#3……now
pic#4……now
pic#5……now

Updated here.

My 4th belly!! (Iraiosc)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Diastasis Recti, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Update 10 Comments

Hi again!! I wrote here twice before, you can see here and here.

I need to explain my feelings about what i’ve just did.

I’ve finally repaired my hernia and diastasis only 20 days ago!!
Family are contradicted, they wanted of course I get well quikly (sorry my mistakes please :) ) but I know they think about myself i’m egoist… dr. said that once you got repaired you can’t got more babies, so dangerous for myself… is our decission at least we think! A bit hard to still strong before with my strange belly and now with my new one…

Medically speaking I want to explain that everything seems to be ok for the moment, i feel a lot the mesh they put for the hernia and dr. says it’s normal the first months. The operation was sooo hard for me (3-4 hours: closing the abdomen, puting the mesh, repairing the skin and putting navel at correct place), but the recuperation for me wents a lot better than caesarean recuperation!!

But I still being a mother, a woman, a friend… doesn’t matter how i am if i feel good with myself, don’t you think? I needed this surgery! i hated to see my stomach moving (like baby movements on belly!!) when i have diastasis…

I loved the web, the people here write, and everyone comments: they are so lovely and respect everyone. Thank you for all i still recommend your web to new mummys than need this and everyone! Wish you all the best!! Kisses (besos!)

PD Now you can see my 4 bellys: 1.before being pregnant, 2.during pregnancy, 3.after baby and 4.after repair…
This time my pics show how i forget everything last summer and weared bikini and, of course, pics of repair, i still having adhesive tape on the scar.

~Age:
Now 28, i got baby at 26
~Number of pregnancies and births:
1 son of just 2 years old

Loving What Is (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions 9 Comments

I am a sexual abuse victim. I lost a baby at 16 weeks when I was only 16 years old. I have had many years of self loathing. I can still here the ridiculing comments that were made about my body. I was ugly,dirty,the defect. When I saw what other women looked like

I drew this illusion that I was in fact the defective one. How is one to heal from something like this? When I became pregnant the second time I gained 80 pounds and was 218 and stretched my skin out everywhere. It took me a year but I lost most of that weight only to become pregnant shortly after. With my third child I gained 45 pounds plus the 20 that I still hadn’t lost. Again this took my another year but I lost the weight and got back down under my pre- pregnancy weight of 140. By this time I felt like I was completely ruined. Whose body was this? It is not mine? I hated myself completely. Then I found myself pregnant again for the fourth time. This time I only gained 35 pounds. I lost it quickly. I now run 2 miles everyday. I am doing this for me and me only. It has taken a long time and I am still working on it but I am now comfortable with my body. I can look in the mirror and say “Wow you are amazing,beautiful and you have given birth to three beautiful children.”

I remember that I am not this body. This is not who I am. I am the spirit that lives inside. I can shine through this body and make it radiate with energy. I am the woman that sings to my children , I am the girl that runs out in the rain and plays, I am me and I have to except that . Love yourself. You are what is important.

Age:27
Number of pregnancies and births : 4
Ages of children: 8,5,2

I wish I wasn’t so ashamed of my body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 38 Comments

Age:31
# of pregnancies and birth: 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
My child is now 4 years old.

I became pregnant and gave birth to a handsome boy at the age of 26. As much as I adore and cherish my son, the scars left on my body haunt me till this day. I’ve always suffered with poor body image. I’m a black women without any curves and that’s very unattractive in my culture. I am single and I’m lonely because I’m afraid to show anyone my body. The last person I dated walked away because I had a hard time being intimate and would not take my clothes off….instead I had sex with my shirt on and I would not let him touch me for fear of feeling how small my breast were and how terrible my skin felt with the stretch marks. I really believed that by 31 I would have outgrown these fears but as I age they become more real and harder for me deal with.
However, today is a new day and I’m tired of feeling like damaged goods. Showing my pictures today will be the first start in liberating myself. This is me and if I don’t start loving me, how can I expect anyone else to?

The photos of me on my side and my back are my least flattering positions

Hoping to love myself again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

~Age:26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies (3 c-sections)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Children ages 7, 2 and 8.5 months

Some days I look in the mirror and see my reflection somewhat of a positive way. “The stretch marks and skin aren’t that bad after all,” I say to myself, “maybe with just a little more time things will get better.” Then there are the other days…the days when I look at my reflection and feel disgusting. The days that I can’t understand how my husband would ever think that I am beautiful. My husband tells me all the time that I am but I’m not sure that I believe him when he says it. Part of me feels like he is just saying it out of pity, to somehow try to make me feel better. I fear that deep down he really feels like I do about it….disgusted. I hate it when my husband touches my stomach and I am always thinking of how I can position myself so that my stomach doesn’t seem to sag so much. I worry that my husband will find someone else….someone more beautiful….someone less “used”. I know that I shouldn’t feel “used”…I brought three beautiful children into this world and my body let me do that, which is a completely amazing thing but that is how I feel. I feel envious of those who are able to bear children without as much as a mark on them afterwards. I worry because I am not the same person (physically) that my husband fell in love with and I am afraid that he will fall out of love with me. I want to be confident and happy with my body but I’m not. I want to be proud of it and what it has done and not feel that I need to hide behind bulky clothes and shapewear, but I am nowhere near that place. The idea of a tummy tuck is always in my mind. The thought that somehow if my stomach would be flat I would be happy… I could deal with the stretch marks….there is nothing I can do about them anyways. I used to be so confident…thought that I was pretty when I looked at myself in the mirror. Now I don’t feel any of that. I used to like when I got noticed…and now I just try to blend into the background…hoping that no one will catch a glimpse of me. I don’t want to feel this way and I want to be happy with that I have. I don’t want my daughter to grow up and think that she has to fit the world’s ideals of being beautiful and most of all I don’t want her to feel like me. I hope to get there someday…a place where I am at peace with myself and my “mom” body…a place where I don’t have a daily struggle with the mirror…a place where my body is not always on my mind…a place where I am comfortable. Until then I will continue what I am doing…sucking in….shapewear….baggy shirt and fading into the background…

Picture 1 and 2: Me now 8.5 months postpartum with baby number 3.
Picture 3: Me pregnant 38.5 weeks with baby number 3.

My son played a few tricks on me (J.D.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

My story starts in March 2007 when i decided to move to another country and start a new life. I was bored of my life, my job, my city and i felt very lonely and depressed. It was a great choice as i started on a new path with lots of joy and happiness. I managed to get a job a week after moving abroad and i met the father of my son at work. We knew each other, but never talked until one day when he had to supervise my team and he invited me to a pub. We started going out a lot but i thought he only wanted to be friends. That was happening in September 2007. On the October 31 2007 something happened and i missed the last night bus – the stop was in front of his house – so he didn’t let me walk home. I spent the morning in his house eating spaghetti and watching family guy. this is how we started our relationship. In May 2008 we moved in together and in November i told him that i want a family as i am getting old – we were 31 at the time. He always loved children but i didn’t think about having any until i met him. He was very happy to ear that and we started working on it. On January 26 2009 i was at work and didn’t feel very well. I went to the pharmacy with my friend and bought a pregnancy test. Didn’t wait to go home and had it in the toilet at work. I knew i was pregnant, i just needed the confirmation. I sent a text to my bf and he called straight away. He was extremely happy and when i went home that evening he couldn’t stop kissing me and hugging me and making plans. My pregnancy was great. I was a bit nauseous the first weeks but it went away in the second trimester. I walked everyday and tried to be active but i put on lots of weight. I was 117 the summer before getting pregnant, 124 when i got pregnant and 172 when i went to the hospital for the induction. My son was very comfy in my huge belly and he was 12 days overdue. I felt like i couldn’t carry my belly anymore when i went to the hospital on October 12 and they told me that i had to come back on the 14th as there weren’t any free beds…I cried and i went back to the hospital on the 14th. The induction started at 11 but nothing happened. I had contractions but i wouldn’t dilate. It went on like that till the next morning at 9 when i had been given another pill and i started being in agonizing pain. I had to be on a monitor for 1 hour then they moved me to the labour room when i was given an epidural even though i was only 2 cm dilated. After that i was given oxitocin and started to dilate. The epidural would finish after about 2 hours and i would have to wait 20 minutes in horrible pains for the nurse to come give me another dose. I was very lucky to have my bf with me all the time. At 5 pm i felt like i needed to push and called the doctor. I was 9 cm dilated but my son has moved up and he was in distress. The chief of the clinic was called and after he examined me he told me that there is no way i can give birth naturally so i needed an emergency c section if i wanted my son to live. I signed the paper straight away and in 2 minutes i was hurried to the OR. I didn’t even had time to say “love you” to my bf…I was very scared and was shaking, my bf had tears in his eyes…The last thing i remember is having my belly covered in something orange. I woke up a few hours after that in a room with lots of monitors and beeping machines and people going around…I had 2 iv lines in my left arm and 1 line in my right arm. A very nice nurse told me that i need some blood as something happened during the surgery and i lost lots of blood. I was terrified for a second but she told me that my baby was ok and i was going to see him in few minutes. I managed to drink some water and felt so happy that everything was fine. I saw my son that night at 9 and i was the happiest I’ve ever been. On the 19th we went home and started our life as a little family as i like to call us.
I didn’t get stretch marks during pregnancy, but i have this scar to remind me how lucky i was to be living in these days and in a country with great doctors. My son was 8 pounds 7 oz at birth and after birth i found out that it would have been impossible for me to give birth naturally as my son was too big for my pelvis. My only issue is the fat that i still have on my belly, bottom and legs. I am 137 pounds now and would like to go back to the weight i had pre-pregnancy. It’s hard but i hope spring it’s going to help me. If i won’t loose the weight and even put on more – i want to have another child fairly soon – i won’t be very upset because my son is more precious and important than my image.
Believe in you and feel confident. Health and happiness are more important than a flat stomach or flawless skin. Enjoy your babies!

~Your Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Finn is 4 month, 1 week and 3 days old

pics description ;

1. me and my bf summer 2008
2. 28 weeks pregnant
3. 41+5 the day my son was born
4. Finn 2 days old
5. The day we left the hospital – 4 days after birth
6,7,8,9 my belly today 4month, 1 week and 3 days after birth