Loving What Is (Anonymous)

I am a sexual abuse victim. I lost a baby at 16 weeks when I was only 16 years old. I have had many years of self loathing. I can still here the ridiculing comments that were made about my body. I was ugly,dirty,the defect. When I saw what other women looked like

I drew this illusion that I was in fact the defective one. How is one to heal from something like this? When I became pregnant the second time I gained 80 pounds and was 218 and stretched my skin out everywhere. It took me a year but I lost most of that weight only to become pregnant shortly after. With my third child I gained 45 pounds plus the 20 that I still hadn’t lost. Again this took my another year but I lost the weight and got back down under my pre- pregnancy weight of 140. By this time I felt like I was completely ruined. Whose body was this? It is not mine? I hated myself completely. Then I found myself pregnant again for the fourth time. This time I only gained 35 pounds. I lost it quickly. I now run 2 miles everyday. I am doing this for me and me only. It has taken a long time and I am still working on it but I am now comfortable with my body. I can look in the mirror and say “Wow you are amazing,beautiful and you have given birth to three beautiful children.”

I remember that I am not this body. This is not who I am. I am the spirit that lives inside. I can shine through this body and make it radiate with energy. I am the woman that sings to my children , I am the girl that runs out in the rain and plays, I am me and I have to except that . Love yourself. You are what is important.

Number of pregnancies and births : 4
Ages of children: 8,5,2

9 thoughts on “Loving What Is (Anonymous)

  • Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 11:20 am

    You are a brave woman! My mother, too, was a sexual abuse victim, so I can know how that can affect families….
    You look gorgeous! I’m not just saying that, you’re very sexy :)

  • Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    i love how you feel that you are not your body but you are the spirit inside.. it made me teary eyed. its so true, thank you for writing yur story, i love how curvy your body is and the lingere picture is so sexy!!

  • Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Wowzers! Those are some smoking hot curves and what a cute rump! You are one lucky girl! I also love your attitude. Truly inspiring!

  • Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 7:29 am

    What a powerful post. You are right,us women should appreciate all that we have nurtured and build for our children and ourselves..we should love the spirit within. BTW, you look awesome you are so curvy! The lingerie pics are beautiful! Keep up that positive attitude!

  • Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    You are so gorgeous!!!

    Let me tell you a story–probably the same story your child will see of his/her mother. My mom was a sexual abuse victim. She was victimized by her father and brother. Then she fell in love with a wonderful man who died in Vietnam. Then she married an abusive man who pulled her off a couch and caused her to lose her first child. Later she left that man and had more children, losing another son in infancy and later my little brother to suicide when he was 21. But you know, the story that was painted of my mom was that she was the strongest woman I knew. I wouldn’t call her beautiful. She had a huge C-Section scar that stretched from her sternum to her pubis. Her face was scarred, freckled, burned. But I will always remember her motherliness. Her hugs, her kisses, the fact that she sacrificed everything so we could live. Literally.

    You are a strong woman. You have been through so much. Let that be a part of your story. Something that makes you stronger. That makes your children stronger. You are well on your way. You are a strong woman and your children will see that.

  • Monday, April 26, 2010 at 11:23 am

    You have a beautiful body.

    Just because it doesn’t fit the commercial standard (and very few do) doesn’t mean anything to the people who find you beautiful — and I think that that would be most people.

    There are so many, mutually exclusive, standards of beauty that anybody ANY BODY can find an example that contradicts with the body that they are wearing. You find me a body ANY body — celebrity or non-celebrity — and I can find you a standard of beauty the conflicts with that body..

    Love your body because it is yours. Take care of it because it is the only one you have. Most importantly, however, love yourself. Perhaps, then, you’ll be able to recognize the people lined up and waiting for you to notice how much they love you.

  • Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Thanks everyone for the positive messages. They feel so good. I love this site so so much. I think it wonderful to see women for who they truly are inside and out. Blessing to you all and Happy Mother’s Day!

  • Friday, May 28, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Wonderful. You have the right attitude. I hope you keep living it every day.

  • Friday, June 11, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Girl, I have the same body and fought with the same problem i am now learning to love my breast, my boyfriend calls them wet socks but I love me and praise you in learning to love the inside, who you are and not what you look like. Bravo besides you still look awesome. Keep it up i’d use you was my example to just love me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *