Not happy with the new me. (B’s Mommy)

Age: 22
1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth Via C-section
6 months PP

Six months ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. I was in labor for nearly 30 hrs, I pushed for 3 and then had to have a c-section. My little man weighed 9 lbs 7 oz! This was my first pregnancy and it was unexpected, but I wouldnt change it for the world. I have had many ups and downs in these past 6 months. B has been in and out of the hospital. During these past 6 months I’ve heard more crying then i’ve heard my entire life. He has cried almost every day for the majority of the days. We didnt know what was wrong, and neither did the doctors. They passed it off as ‘colic’ and each time it kept getting worse. Finally a doctor figued out that he had a Urinary tract infection and he was put on antibiotics. They keep coming back and we don’t know why. He also has acid reflux and a milk allergy. It has been a difficult time but he makes me smile every day!

One thing that doesn’t make me happy is my new body. I really try hard to be happy with myself. I have been trying to work out and eat healthy, but it’s hard to do being a single mom. I gained 70 lbs during my pregnancy! I went from 120 up to 190! I was used to being small. Just when I start feeling a bit better about myself I have yet another person ask me if I am expecting again, or “how far along are you”. Even strangers ask me, it’s pretty depressing! I have more stretch marks then I can count and a sagging stomach. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable naked around anyone. I wish I could just feel happy with myself, regardless of all this, but where do I start?

My husband calls me beautiful (Alyssa)

Age: 20
Pregnancies and Births: 1 pregnancy and 1 birth
The age of your child: A terrible two year old

I was married at 16, pregnant at 17 and gave birth to my handsome little 9lb 10oz baby boy when I was 18. Here I am now 20 years old, still happily married to the man I love but inside of me I feel ugly, worthless, and worst of all a failure as a mother. I had the perfect body, skinny waist, big perky natural breasts, a firm butt and killer legs. My husband is in the military and I gave new meaning to standing at attention when I would swing by work for whatever the reason may have been. Back then my husband called me stunning, beautiful, etc. He wanted a baby more than anything with me, and because of my stupidity on the honeymoon a month or so later I found out I was pregnant. When I took the test and saw it was positive I cried, not of happiness but of complete sadness, the same could not be said for my husband, I don’t think I had ever seen him so happy before. I had to go back home and finish high school so I spent my senior year pregnant, constantly ridiculed and such, thankfully I had enough credits to graduate early in January, I couldn’t stand the talk of prom and senior trip when all I could think about were the increasingly large stretch marks growing on my stomach. Needless to say I started out at 130lbs and the day I was admitted I was 200lbs. After an emergency C- section and almost losing my child I sit here today writing of my story. I haven’t lost all the weight it took me til now, 2 years later, to reach 145lbs and my husband still calls me beautiful. He doesn’t care about my stretch marks, or my overlap of extra skin and I wish when he says that to me that i really feel it. I do not blame my little boy anymore like I used to, but instead I beat myself up for allowing myself to fall so deep into this pit of self loathing. My husband is in Afghanistan right now, and told me today that even though he is thousands of miles away, my beauty can still be seen. I guess the point of this story was more to vent to those who I know have experienced and have gone, or are going through what I am. I just cannot seem to find myself to be beautiful like my husband sees, but I know that girl is in there somewhere wanting to come out again.

It is what it is! (Nina)

I am 31, and I have two babies. The first one was born in August 2005, the second born in July 2007, so I’m 3 years pp since my last baby. I’ve been pregnant two more times, on top of that, but they both left my body before the 3 month mark.

Two years before having my first kid, I had a breast lift. I’d wanted one so badly for many years! As a teen, my breasts came overnight, and when they did, they weren’t the perky pair that I spied on my friends. They sagged, had stretchmarks, and worst of all, they weren’t team players. Meaning, they had each settled on their side of the body, never the twain shall meet. I called them my National Geographic Breasts, since they resembled something you’d see on a tribal woman from Papua New Guinea. It affected my self image, my self worth, and my sex life. Lights OFF please! Having them done gave me freedom, personal and sexual, and I wore clothes I’d previously never dreamed of wearing. Fun while it lasted!

After breastfeeding twice (totally possible, the surgery removed skin only, not touching mammary glands or nipples), my breasts are back to square one. Slightly better than before, the nipples at least point upwards now! My belly has taken a beating too. Soft, saggy, with a peekaboo bellybutton. My children love them though. We’re often naked at my house, when it’s just us. The kids love to come and press their faces into my soft belly, and carress my breasts, old friends that they are. I did have the belly jowls before, but for the past year I’ve insistantly dry brushed my skin every day, before showering, and that has really improved my belly. Jowls are gone, skin is softer, and the rippling surface looks smoother. I do suffer from some odd condition though. It’s like keratosis pilaris, but it’s right on my old stretchmarks. Not as severe as Pupps rash, but still not all that appetizing.

When the money comes along, I would like to have another breast lift. And a tummy tuck. I’m pretty sure I’m done having babies, but it’s a good idea to wait a few years to be totally sure before blowing that kind of money. I love my husband, and he loves me, but in the event that we ever split, and I find a new man one day, I don’t want to be weighed down by a body that is scarred from the pregnancies of a previous relationship. Like a lot of people on this website have commented, I feel like I’m living a double life. I’m beautiful and really sexy in the right dress. Downright irresistable if I do say so myself ;) But the dress and the expensive, ironlike bra comes off – and everything goes about a foot south! It feels like I’m false advertising!

Until then, I console myself by being otherwise happy and healthy. I have all my limbs, a beautiful face and a pretty good sense of style that camouflages most of my flaws. I try not to look at my body close up in the mirror, keeping a safe distance of about 10 ft. Arms up doesn’t hurt! I look pretty good at that distance! We should all have a sticker on the mirror that says: “Warning, object in mirror may appear worse than it really is!”

I had no idea pregnancy would do this to my body, but in retrospect, I remember being so excited about being pregnant, that I couldn’t wait for it to show. I think I over-ate on purpose, so the belly would hurry up and grow. At any rate, I gained about 20-25 kilos (50 lbs) with both pregnancies, and people always asked if I was carrying twins. Both my babies were pretty big, around 8-9 lbs, but they are healthy, beautiful, smart, funny and all that jazz, so not a drop of regret there! Part of this is learning to accept that I’m not a kid anymore, my body isn’t tight and elastic, but I’m still pretty hot, in my own way (aka clothed!).

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Only 9 days postpartum, but discouraged… (Renee)

I gained 65 pounds with my son. It’s not that I was overeating; quite the opposite was true. I started uncontrollably gaining weight (sometimes 7-9 lbs a week) and finally the doctor caught on. I had pre-eclampsia. Needless to say, all that extra water stretch my skin out something bad. On July 12, I gave birth to my son (after a 3 hour labor). Now, 9 days post, I am 31 lbs lighter but still discouraged. I know I should be patient but I am so scared that my husband will leave me soon just because I don’t look right…. Right before I got pregnant, I was desperately trying to lose weight that some meds had made me gain. Now, I don’t know if I’ll accomplish it…I can’t stand to look at myself.

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 days postpartum

Updated here.

It’s Gonna Take Time (Jessy)

Age: 20
Number or Pregnancies and births: 1
How far postpartum: 5 1/2 months

I am 5’10” and was 159 lbs when I found out I was pregnant. I was already unhappy with how much I weighed. During those 41 weeks i had gained a whopping 50 pounds. I had my daugher Jocee Grace Feb. 2nd 2010 via emergency c-section, because she had ingested meconeum while i was in labor. She was in the NICU for the first 72 hours of her life because she couldnt breath on her own, and i wasnt able to hold her until she was 2 days old. It was the worst feeling ever. But the minute i held her and she looked into my eyes, I knew that everything was going to be ok.

Of the 50 lbs i have lost 42. I love my beautiful baby Jocee and she is truly a God-send, but the changes in my body are very hard to deal with. My legs are fatter, my hips are wider, my boobs are saggy and I have stretch marks all over my thighs and lower belly. I have just recently started dieting and exercising and my goal is to weigh 145 by her 1st Birthday, its a long way away but it realistic! I love this website, it helps me realize I’m not alone and I’ll definitely keep updates!

Pic1-me at 8 months
Pic2-my Jocee 2 days old
Pics3,4&5-me 5 1/2 months postpartum
Pic6-Jocee 5 1/2 months
Pic7-me and Jocee

22 Weeks, Second Post (Anonymous)

Original entry here.

Age: 22
First Pregnancy

My last post was at 16 weeks. I’ve been reading the other stories on here and decided to post again. For those who read my last post, I’ve been battling an eating disorder since I was 10; my issue with weight gain has followed me throughout this pregnancy. Specifically, when my doctor says he’d be a “little concerned” if I hadn’t gained any more weight by my 22-wk appointment (scheduled this week), my first thought is “OK, a challenge!”

And I’ve spent the last six weeks doing everything I can to stay at the 163lbs I was at my last appointment. I tried to be healthy while still avoiding any additional weight gain… although I know that sounds like an oxymoron. I weighed myself today and I’m 166 at 5′ 7″ I’m doing my best to have a fit and active pregnancy; I walk every day, try to eat healthy, and very rarely have sugar– I’m still struggling with being okay with an extra pound or two, though. Maybe that extra pound is in my bra now– I went from a small B to a C. Yikes.

To be honest, I think I’d be more okay with the weight gain if I looked more pregnant. I spent too much pre-pregnancy time working my abs though, lol. Interesting point of view, huh? I wonder when I’ll “POP” and start looking obviously pregnant (since next week I enter my sixth month). Right now I still feel like I look thick, not pregnant. Here’s hoping that changes soon! Thanks for the support everyone!

First pic: 2 months pre-pregnancy stomach (145lbs)
Second pic: 18 weeks pregnant
Third pic: 21.5 weeks pregnant (covered)
Fourth pic: 21.5 weeks pregnant (belly bared)

Updated here and here.

Katherina

My name is Katherina and I am a mother of three beautiful children, ages 7, 4 and 3. All my births were natural and I breast-fed all three of my babies. Like most women, I intended to gain the recommended 25- 30 pounds with each pregnancy, but I ended up gaining 50+ pounds each time. I ate nutritious food – fruits, veggies, etc. – I just ate a lot because I was hungry ALL THE TIME, even in the middle of the night.

I received a lot of veiled hurtful remarks about my weight gain, like: “you were so thin before, I just assumed you would be a thin pregnant person”, “wow, your baby is going to be gigantic” and “you don’t really need to eat for two”. Some people made comments that were outright hurtful, including my husband. It left me wondering, when did my weight become everyone else’s business?

The photos below show what my body looks like now that my youngest (and last) child is almost three. I gradually lost the extra sixty pounds I had gained and I’ve taken up yoga. As for my last pic, I took it to disprove the myth that a natural delivery ruins your vagina. I know that c-sections are a blessing to those who truly need them, but so many women who don’t need one are ‘electing’ to have one anyhow. Hopefully my photo will take away some of the fear associated with natural birth.

Motherhood has brought so much joy into my life and I hope that all the pregnant women and mothers who read this will realize how beautiful and special they are. Insist on celebrating yourself in all of your phases – you’re worth it! : )

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080510-katherina-2

Third picture can be viewed here. It’s more personal than most photos on this site, so I am not posting it within the entry itself. :)

No Longer Hiding (vsmama)

Age: 27
Previous entries here and here.

1 pregnancy; 1 birth
3 years 1.5 months postpartum

I made it a goal to feel sexier when my son reached 3 years of age and I wore a dress! A short dress at that! lol Everyone commented on how beautiful I looked and oddly, for awhile there I was embarrassed by the compliments because after hiding in clothes, hiding in my home, and no longer taking pictures of myself, this attention felt new.

I gave away every zip up hoodie and sweatpants, every over-sized clothing so I would STOP hiding. I began buying clothes that fit better and flattered my new body. The body that I’ve come to see as beautiful from the beginning of my progress. And now I am turning 28 shortly and I am more than satisfied with my self image. I can tell my confidence and love for myself shows when I smile, as well as in pictures, because I have my ‘glow’ back. I no longer have body pains at night and am still in no rush to be pre-preg size. I know I am going at a great pace and staying healthy, eating healthy, and pretty much just living and enjoying my family. Thank you SOAM. All the support from this community has given me a new definition of woman and beautiful.

First pic: June 5, 2010
Second and third: taken this morning July 15, 2010

Getting Back (Selena)

Age: 24
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
Age of children and how far postpartum: 9 month old daughter and 9 months postpartum

When the thought came into my head that I wanted to start a family I, like many women, did not think about what my body would look like afterwards. I had not met mothers who openly discussed what changes happen to your body during and after pregnancy. Needless to say, I was quite shocked. I was motivated to stay in shape during my pregnancy, working out 45 minutes a day and eating well. During my pregnancy I was consider the ideal. I had a quick delivery and my daughter was 7 pounds 10 ounces. I was praised in the delivery room by my obstetrician for losing my tummy instantly. The first few weeks after delivery I was ecstatic with my new family and how I looked. Then the little voice popped into my head a few months into motherhood that I was not thin/fit enough. This is the same little voice that was in my head for most of my adolescence and young adulthood. The only time I did not let my obsessive thoughts bother me was when I was pregnant because my unborn child was more important than my perfect figure. I began to workout whenever I had the time (usually when my daughter was sleeping). It did not take long for me to become severely exhausted. Between being the primary caregiver for my daughter (no grandparents and very little assistance from my partner) and being a perfectionist around my house (baking, cleaning, entertaining guests) I was burnt out. I have learned now that I have to be a bit kinder to myself and relax a little about my wrinkly, giggly tummy. I was blessed enough to have a healthy, beautiful baby and I wouldn’t trade her for my former hot bod any day.

Anonymous

I am 33 years old, these pictures are taken 5 years post-partum. I’ve had 2 pregnancies (first one at 13), and given birth once. My body has changed. My butt has flattned, my waist windned. Due to a number of reasons, my weight has fluctuated greatly. From 170 at pre-pregnacny, to 163 one month post partum. 204 at my highest depression (and 6 months sober), to now, 184lbs. I’m 5’5″ and have never admitted that publiclly. Other than my daughter, I’ve not allowed anyone to see me naked, for I am so ashamed. My waist is huge, my breasts saggy, my bum flat, and stretch marks. I love my daughter, and slowly loving my body, as I have to accept that *this* is it (well, that and excercise, however there will be no more bubble butt).