Belly

It’s a Fair Trade (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, D-MER, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

~ Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 year old and 6 month old

I love my life! I have an amazing, supportive husband and two adorable little boys who I get to spend everyday with as a stay-at-home-mom. We live in a quaint home in a peaceful neighborhood with family close by. It’s wonderful that they can share with us the joys of raising our children.

It’s been a lot of ups and downs in our mere 3.5 years of marriage, including losing our first pregnancy; a missed miscarriage confirmed at 10 weeks. It was a difficult three weeks as we waited for my body to pass the pregnancy naturally but in that time my husband and I grew very close and became certain in our decision to start a family. Fortunately, following the miscarriage, I was very lucky to have two complication free pregnancies (although physically they weren’t easy to get through) and relatively easy and uneventful vaginal deliveries. The crowning moment of my life was when the doctor told me to look down and to take my youngest son by the armpits. I pulled him from me, up to my chest and we met for the first time. I said “Hi baby” and his gaze, while I’m sure quite fuzzy, managed to meet incrediby intensely with mine. In that moment I knew the world and our family was complete.

I read and hear about other women’s stories and journeys into motherhood and I feel so blessed that I have been able to escape many of their difficulties. Yet, there is still a pain I am living with. It’s like a nagging that plagues my mind every second of every day. A nagging that I’m not good enough, not perfect enough. I’m not the wife or mother or housekeeper that I should be. I should be better with money, better with my diet, better about reading to my kids, the list goes on and on. Part of this little voice has always been there in the back of my head, the other part is a little monster that has risen out of PPD and D-MER.

Most people are knowledgeable about post-partum depression, but not with D-MER, so I will explain. D-MER, short for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, refers to mood swings created from the drop in dopamine that triggers a milk letdown while breastfeeding. What this means is that every time my son latches on, I get an intense feeling of panic, dread, guilt, frustration, annoyance, etc. The feelings change and are never the same from episode to episode. I have found that these negative feelings that ebb and flow many times throughout the day, along with PPD and sleep deprivation make it very hard to maintain a strong sense of self. I battle my demons with positive thoughts and some help from an antidepressant. I don’t win every battle but so far I am winning the war. Breastfeeding is very important to me and I didn’t want to stop because of this stupid thing called D-MER, so I keep fighting and try to keep winning. I have always had good self esteem and a healthy body image but the physical and emotional toll of bringing my babies into the world and nourishing them has made the negative voices creep in. ‘I’m not good enough. If I was skinnier and fitter then maybe I will be good enough’.

Most days I’m pretty certain that I will get a tummy tuck and a boob lift when we can save the money for it. On my better days I can look past the sagging skin and simply accept that this is the new me. In the mean time I’m trying to lose weight and get in shape. I ran my first 5k a few weeks ago!! Ok, well, I walked half of it. But never in my life did I think I would complete a 5K and I did it just 5 months after having my second baby in less then 2 years!

Currently I weigh 167 lbs. I started both my pregnancies at 174 lbs and got up to 194 lbs with my first and 202 lbs with my second. My current goal weight is 155. I could get down to 135 which is where I was in college, but who am I kidding, I’d rather be a little pudgy and get to enjoy all the tasty food life has to offer then be skinny and have to miss out, lol!

At the end of the day, I’m not thrilled with my body but I have so much in my life to be thankful for so I choose not to stress about it. I have an openhearted and inquisitive toddler who bring so much fun into my life and my 6 month old is a ball of smiles and laughs. I have a husband who is my soul mate and who loves me even at my worst. Those are the only things that really matter in this world. If I have to put up with a little sagging skin for all of that, I’ll call it a fair trade :)

I’m hoping that by sharing my far from perfect body it will help other women feel more comfortable with theirs.

Picture 1: Nursing
Picture 2: What happens when I pull the sag out :(
Picture 3: Side view
Picture 4: The hips that gave me easy deliveries
Picture 5: You can see I just fed on my left side, lol

Updated here.

Afraid of Second Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

First: I am very grateful for this site, it has helped me so much to accept my body.
Second: I’m not a native English speaker, I’m trying my best but don’t be surprised if you find some mistakes. :-)

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
18 months pp, 7 weeks pregnant

I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned but I knew from the very first moment that I would keep the baby and my boyfriend also accepted the thought of becoming a dad. My pregnancy was relatively easy, some morning sickness, some back pain, but nothing serious. I liked my growing bump and my body until I found out that my boyfriend watched porn. I mean I knew that he had done this before but during my pregnancy it had gotten crazy, I couldn’t leave the room without him switching on the computer and starting his little films. I asked him to stop it but he didn’t. He refused to have sex with me, kept watching porn instead and it shattered my self esteem. I started hating being so big. Then at 35 weeks I discovered the first stretch marks on my belly. Somehow I always thought I wouldn’t get them because my mother didn’t get one with two pregnancies. I hated my body and cried a lot and I was so relieved when my water broke at 38 weeks. I had to be induced and labor was hell, after 15 hrs my son was finally born with 3000g (6.61 lbs) and 49cm (19.29 inches). The next day I saw that the underside of my belly was covered in purple stretch marks. I was disgusted, I had never seen a woman with stretch marks before.

Losing the weight (I had gone up from 57kg (125 lbs) to 73kg (161 lbs)) was no problem thanks to breastfeeding and also I started working out again 2 months after I had given birth. But I still hated my saggy boobs (I got shrinking stripes on them when I stopped breastfeeding after 10 months. SHRINKING stripes!), the extra skin on my belly and, most of all, my stretch marks. Nobody in my family has them, neither do my friends, they were all like “Didn’t you use moisturizer?”. Of course I did, several times a day. My boyfriend said things like “They will go away, right? You will go back to normal, right?” Um, no. They just recently faded, they were purple for months. Hating my body, dealing with my bf’s ongoing addiction to porn, having a baby that cried endlessly – I hated my life. I think I might have developed a depression, but I never went to the doctor to have it confirmed or treated.

Those dark months eventually passed, my boyfriend finally understood that he was seriously hurting me (I had started to cut myself, something I hadn’t done since my teenage years), my son stopped crying all day and all night long and I felt better overall.

Although I am still the only person I know that has developed stretch marks during pregnancy, I finally came to terms with my body. It could have been worse. They are not all over my belly. I still don’t like to see myself in the mirror and I’m not sure if I will wear a bikini this summer (or ever again), but at least I don’t cry over my body constantly anymore (only on bad days).

And now I’m pregnant again. It was planned this time and I am currently 7 weeks along. I am terribly afraid of getting more stretch marks, since I already know that my genetics suck when it comes to this. I hope I can avoid them by limiting my weight gain to 20 lbs and working out a lot. I am currently 53kg (117 lbs) at 167cm (5.48 ft). I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and hope I can keep this routine up as long as possible. In my first pregnancy I stopped working out when I was 7 months along because I had 2 jobs and went to the university and just didn’t find the time to go to the gym regularly. Hopefully I’ll be more disciplined this time!

Pictures:
I don’t have any prepregnancy pictures of my belly because I never really liked my body.
#1: 36 weeks pregnant. First stretch marks visible.
#2 and #3: me now, 18 months pp and 7 weeks pregnant

Updated here.

Struggling in My Skin (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I have always been on the chubby side with a belly before pregnancy. I am a first time new mommy and I would not trade it for the world. I love my son Caiden with all of my heart and cant believe he is mine. He makes me happy and so proud. Giving birth was the most amazing gratifying experience of my life, I had a vaginal delivery with an epidural. He was 7pounds 4ounces I had 3 tears and had to have stitches. I am now almost 3 months post partum and am so uncomfortable in my skin. I feel like everyone is looking at me to see if I lost the weight after baby and im so insecure.I see my friends who have had babys and look esactly the same perfect skinny bodies with flat tummys and not one stretch mark.As I mentioned before I was never a skinny girl with a perfect flat stomach but my skin did not hang and I did not have these ugly stretch marks everywhere. I had gestational diabetes with my pregnancy and gained about 35 pound.s I was 196 pounds before pregnancy and am now 200 pounds so have lost most of the pregnancy weight, but I feel like I will never be the same and no one would be attracted to me. My clothes either dont fit at all or dont fit the same and I cant find pants that fit me right for anything. My vaginal opening looks completeley different its more open and my muscles do not feel as tight as they once were. I am trying to accept all of this and know it is all worth it for the amazing beautiful baby boy I have but it is hard. Am so glad I found this sight because I dont feel so alone.

~Age:25
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: my son is 11 weeks old/ 11 weeks post partum

the photos are 3 11 week postpartum belly shots one of me 9 months pregnant and one of my baby boy caiden

Coming to terms with the new me! (Krystal)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Tomorrow is the 36th week of my pregnancy. It seems like overnight my body has changed – some changes are beautiful others are a little harder to accept. I’ve waited 29 years to have a baby. In fact, I never thought I would get the chance to be pregnant or carry a baby but somehow, here I am! :) In just four weeks my dreams will come true – I’ll be a mother of a beautiful baby girl – so why do I find myself scrutinizing my body in the mirror looking at every new stretch mark and every pound gained? I tell myself that it is ridiculous that I am so consumed with changes that are NATURAL and part of being a mother. I try to remind myself that the ridiculous image of women portrayed by the media is warped and wrong and that I should be proud of this body that is nourishing and protecting my daughter and giving her life. Still, it’s hard. So, here I am writing this post so that I can force myself to be proud of the New Me. I am no longer the Krystal who never felt her daughter roll around and jump in her belly or whose breasts grew so that she could feed her little girl. I am a mother now and that is something incredibly wonderful and something that I should be proud of. My stretch marks and new body are my proof that I am this new person and I am going to wear them with pride. I’m not going to let the world dictate to me that I should look 18 years old forever. I am going to do this so that I can break the cycle of “achieving perfection” with my own daughter. I’m going to look at these changes every day and remember that I am a very blessed woman who should appreciate that she given an opportunity that some women don’t get to share. I am going to be thankful and most importantly, I am going to be proud!!

***The pictures show my pre-pregnancy body. I was working out a lot to try to get in shape which explains the crazy pose and really low pants! lol Then there is a close-up of the stretch marks on the right/left/ front of my belly and my breasts which have grown almost 3 cup sizes!***

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1st pregnancy with my daughter Carmen
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: No children until July 16, 2012!

Motherly Beauty (Rachel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

21
1 daughter (18m) and trying for another

I am a 21 year old mother of an 18 month old baby girl. I came upon this site while searching what to expect of your body after having a second child, as my husband and I are trying for our second.

Before becoming pregnant I had what most would call the perfect body. I am 5’8″ weighed 145 lbs…solid muscle. I never knew what love handles were. I could pull anything off. My boobs were amazing. Better than what most women pay to have done. I wore a size 5 and a 34b. Beautiful hourglass shape…I was in love with my body and proud of it as I put a ton of work into it. (picture below)

I continued to wear a size 5 through out my pregnancy. I experienced a ton of sickness. I could not even brush my teeth without vomiting. The smell of food sent me running for the bathroom… My first 3 months I lost 15 pounds. I looked like a stick person… My size 5 jeans were baggy on me… I was miserable…(picture also included) The picture of me with the 12 gauge was at 5 1/2 months, closer to six. Those jeans fit perfectly prior to the pregnancy… I had a small bump barely visible then… I did not start to show until 8 months…its like I woke up one morning and BAM! I routinely used Palmer’s and bio oil through the entire pregnancy but around 8 1/2m I developed them on my sides and one down the middle of my stomach…the same time my belly developed so did my breasts. I went from a 34b to 38D almost overnight, leaving me with horrible stretch marks around the entire perimeter of both of my breasts. I was all baby. After having my daughter who was 7lbs 13oz and 21 1/2 in, my body looked like it did before having her (2hrs later lol) then the water weight and the swelling set in. I wrapped my stomach with a corset type garment for the first 5 months after.. I had the infamous pouch on the front and love handles…which I hate! I have such a long torso that the love handles make me mis-shaped…its like they set in right above my hip bones just on the sides and not all the way around… crazy… Well anyways going from my pre-baby body to this mishapped mess really took its toll on me… I had a hard time adjusting to my curvy body and saggy boobs but my husband has helped me a lot… According to him I made him sick before having the baby because I was too skinny and a woman is supposed to have curves and meat on her bones… I agree with that now… I have come to love who I am. My mother tells me that I finally look like a healthy woman. And I feel that way now… I do still run nightly (2 miles) and toning…abs and push ups to maintain myself. Now that we are trying for our second child I am going to continue running through the pregnancy, as I was afraid that if I did the first time around I might lose the baby. I hope that my stories and picture give you new and expecting mothers hope… I didn’t know of resources like this for my first child.

Black swim suit is 17m after baby
rebel swim suit is 1m after baby
gun pic and red shirt are 5 1/2m prego
scrubs is before baby
black and white is 8 1/2m prego

Learning to work at my body and love how I got here. Wanting to give hope to other mommies out there. (Kelly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

I am a 31 year old mother of 2 little girls ages 5 and 2. Before I had my first daughter I weighed about 135lbs and I am 5’9″, I was athletic and in great shape…..with my first daughter at the time I thought I looked horrible and worked very hard to get back to my pre baby weight. When I delivered her I was 212 lbs I did it in about 9 months and was pretty close to looking like I never had a baby :) When we decided to have our second daughter, I had been through a lot emotionally and was about 145lbs, still healthy for someone my height (I have a small slender frame even though I am tall, I wore a size 2 my senior year of high school) my second pregnancy I had gestational diabetes and was so lethargic and tired all the time from it that I was not able this time to work out during my pregnancy……the day I delivered her I weighed in at 245 lbs! I had a 3 1/2 finger ab separation and had undergone a c section…..I have been doing light workouts from the time the doc gave the ok, focusing on training my core muscles back together, until about a year post partum…..I upped my workouts a little more but since I still had about a 2 finger ab separation I was limited to certain workouts otherwise I may have done forever damage to my abdominal wall. About 6 months ago I increased my workouts to 6 days a week which included about 30 minutes cardio and an hour of various weight training…..I am currently about 170lbs and hoping to lose another 25lbs in the next 6 months…..my main concern is the wrinkled skin and extra fat on my abdomen which with the help of Argan oil treatments and tons of ab workouts seems to be diminishing little by little everyday and I also have 0 ab separation at this time and my core is stronger than ever (so for those of you out there with the same problem, I am living proof that an ab separation does NOT always mean surgery) I have attached a pic of my tummy from about a month ago, I don’t have and did not take pics of before 6 months ago because I was sad and ashamed so I don’t have a comparison for the look of it now but trust when I say it looked like a deflated balloon and hung a little over my panties…….I will try to update on my progress if I can over the next few months but I do believe with hard work and discipline I will look again like I did before my babies came along……:) Oh and I have completely changed my diet, I am not on a diet, but I eat very healthy and drink tons of water…..without this I don’t think that I would have made the progress I have made so far…..I have read about other mothers who have stuck to the old fashioned patience and working out and they have had the success I am looking for, so keep plugging along and love yourself for the beautiful miricle you have brought into this world……

Depressed About My Stretch Marks (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

I am 26 years old my daughter is 10 months old. I have never been confident about the way I look. As an overweight preteen I would spend hours looking at Seventeen and YM magazines. I think this is where my poor body image started because I did not look like the girls in those magazines. I became obsessed with losing weight and by the age of 16 I lost over 50 pounds and was very thin, but never thin enough in my eyes. Even after losing all the weight I was not happy because I had faint stretch marks on my lower stomach, breast and just above my bottom. I would sometimes spend hours in bed crying over these left over reminders of being overweight.

When I found out I was pregnant I knew that I was prone to stretch marks even though my Mother has no stretch marks. I applied bio oil twice daily to my belly as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I would go through a new bottle every month and all it ever did was ruin my clothes. I did gain a lot of weight and it was all in my stomach. I first started seeing stretch marks at around the 7th month. My stretch marks did not bother me so much at the time because I was so excited about the baby growing inside me. During my pregnancy was the last time I can say I felt beautiful or good about myself.

When I was getting close to my due date I told the nurse who would weight me at my weekly check-ups that I did not want to know how much I weighed because I was getting so close to 200 pounds. I did not think I could handle hearing that I was 200 pounds because I am only 5’3.

I had a very hard labour but it was all so worth it when I got to hold my sweet beautiful girl in my arms. I had my mind set on breast feeding and I am still breast feeding now. I started losing weight fast and my stretch marks looked so bad after my daughter was born . My lower stomach was saggy and all my stretch marks where on the middle of my stomach around my belly button and I had none on my lower stomach where I would have preferred them because they are easier to cover up . At my seven week check-up my doctor looked at my stomach and said “oh lots of stretch mark”. I thought to myself sarcastically “thank you for pointing that out because I was not aware of it before and it’s not something I think about all the time”

I was never a person who wore revealing clothing or bared my midriff but now I have to wear a tank top or camisole under all of my shirts so the shape of my stretch marks do not show through and I can still see them. There have been times when I have been all ready to go out and took one look at myself and stayed decided to stay home, this drives my boyfriend crazy and he thinks I am being immature. I see pictures on Facebook of new moms out in bikinis a few months after giving birth and it upsets me so much. I wonder why my body has to be covered in scars when other women look the same.

My boyfriend tells me all the time that he does not notice the stretch marks or care about them and that he thinks I am beautiful. He really wants me to stop talking about it . I wish I could believe him but I just can’t seem to get pass it.

I hope we all can get pass our body issues it gets in the way of enjoying life.

Young Mother of One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I got pregnant at 19, after being with my Husband for 2 months (this was before we got married). I was very depressed my first tri because I wasn’t ready to have a child, especially with someone I hardly knew. I came around in my second tri, after feeling a fetus move inside of you it’s just so magical you can’t help but fall in love. When I was 5 months pregnant my husband and I got married, a month before he left for basic training in the Army. I’m 5’1″ and I have an extremely short torso, so I always looked a month or two more pregnant than I was, everyone would joke that I was carrying twins. My daughter’s due date came and went, and a week after she was due I was induced (pitocin will forever be my enemy). My OB suggested an epidural at only 2cm (after they broke my water), which I knew you weren’t supposed to do until 4cm, but I thought she would know best and 20 hours later, after screaming and puking and crying, still stuck at 6cm, I had to get an emergency cesarean. The cesarean was the last thing I wanted, but after 27 hours of labor, it was a relief. My husband couldn’t be there, so I had my mom, step-mom, and cousin there for support.

Once I heard her cry, I began balling and she looked just like her daddy. She was 8lb, 7oz, 21 inches long. I had to spend 4 days in the hospital, I will never forget the awful recovery of a C-section. I struggled with breastfeeding and the pain of the incision, as well as realizing I had to take care of a little person 24/7! I never realized what my mother did for me until I had a child of my own….being a mom is the hardest job on the planet!!! My husband didn’t come home until she was 3 months old, and honestly I thought it would be more magical than it was. He held her, and she cried. He assumed it was because of him but she was just hungry….He wasn’t as excited to see her as I had imagined…He told me when he came home he would be the only one taking care of her for weeks, but that never happened. Being a single, married mother….that’s something that really kills me.

We now live on base, and I still do everything. I found out he was cheating on me not 2 months after moving here, thousands of miles away from my family and friends…but I’m still with him, and I’m trying to make it work. We are in marital counseling and he knows if he messes up again I’m leaving him for good. He is very supportive though, he loves my body and tells me I’m beautiful and that it was for a good purpose. I’ve been struggling with my body image a lot, I feel like a flabby old woman. I thought my body was awful before pregnancy, and now I would give anything to have it back. It’s hard to accept myself, I know it was for a good purpose, to bring my healthy baby girl into this world…but I struggle with it everyday. After what my husband did, with those younger girls who haven’t had children….it makes me so insecure. The women I know that have had children look great and it’s really discouraging. I really want to accept my body, but I believe it will take a long time. I can’t wear any of my clothes without looking awful, I can’t wear jeans or my tummy makes a little shelf, my tummy is deflated and saggy, and my boobs look the same. Hopefully I will find the light and come back posting that I have learned to love my body, and I really hope I do.

Age – 20
4.5 months postpartum

Bun in the Oven (Jeannie Roshar)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Humor, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

When I was pregnant, I felt like men stopped looking at me as a woman. They even talked to me differently. Sometimes, they would talk to me like I was something “dear” that needed protection. That didn’t bother me so much, I mean, it’s sweet and of course we should protect and honor all of our mothers-to-be. But, what really bothered me was men would seem physically uncomfortable around me. Some even seemed grossed out! This made me really irritated, I mean, where do they think they came from? Well, since I’m a comedienne, I had to do something about it. So I got 4 other pregnant women and we made a raunchy rap video to stick it to them! Not safe for work and raunchy, so don’t watch it around kids, but I hope you enjoy!

~It may look airbrushed, but it’s not. We had good lighting! Makes all the difference!!!
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1st pregnancy/birth for three of us, 2nd for one and 4th for one!

2 Months PP belly. Hate it, but will learn to love it. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

I was 16 when I got pregnant had my sweet little 8 pounds and 7 ounce baby boy after 40 long weeks of pregnancy at age 17! Im 5 foot 7 inches and 147 before i got pregnant at the end of my pregnancy i was a whooping 193!! I now weigh 172. And i know it’s only been two months but it’s hard for me to love my body at such a young age. However I wouldn’t take my son back for anything! I just need a confidence boost that hopefully maybe my belly will look better? My belly button is STILL sticking out…will that go back in? The first two pictures is me in my bikini right before i got pregnant. And the next 3 are 2 months after pregnancy, but the last one is me and my wonderful gift from God!