Hi, I’m Marie. I have a 5 year old daughter. I’m a single mom since my husband left me, and I’ve been single and celibate for 5 years now. I would love to remarry and have a companion, a lover, and a father-figure for my daughter. But I am so insecure and ashamed of my post-pregnancy body that I refuse to get close to any guy, refuse to be seen naked, heaven forbid try to have sex. I know I should be more mature than this, and less shallow when it comes to physical beauty, but for 5 years I’ve been ashamed of my body and I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling ugly and unworthy because of it.
I got countless stretch marks during pregnancy. My belly is covered from belly button all the way down to where pubic hair starts. My hips and thighs and upper buttocks are covered in stretch marks, too. My breasts as well, covered, and even the backs of my calves. The deepest ones are on my belly and breasts. If I stand far away in good lighting you can’t see them, because they’ve faded mostly white, and my skin is fair. But They are still deep, and countless. I also have some looseness of skin on my belly and my breast’s skin is not as taut as it was before pregnancy. My breasts themselves also became lower and “empty” feeling immediately following pregnancy/end of breast feeding. So I feel like my breasts are pretty saggy for my age and the fact that I’ve only had one child.
I didn’t know what to expect with pregnancy. Nobody told me about stretch marks or loose skin or abdominal muscles tearing, etc, etc. I didn’t know about vitamin E oil and that it can/might/sometimes helps/prevents/reduces/softens stretch marks and loose skin acquired during pregnancy. I feel horrible that I did not oil myself, as one is supposed to, during pregnancy. I feel like if I had, then maybe I would not have gotten stretch marks and loose skin, maybe my breasts would have stayed more taut, maybe it would have just reduced the number and/or severity of my stretch marks and loose skin..but it’s obviously too late now, and I’ll never know. Now I feel like since 1. my body is ruined and 2. it is my fault that it is ruined that 1. I am ugly and 2. unworthy of a husband/lover/additional pregnancies.
I’ve included some photos of myself, but remember that the resolution is so poor that my deep stretch marks do not really show. I don’t have a good camera, only a webcam with fuzzy resolution. But hopefully some of the loose skin and breast sagginess is visible enough to prove the legitimacy of my concerns. Trust me, you can’t see my stretchmarks in the pics, but they are deep and countless and all over my body.
