I have enjoyed and found support in reading many of these entries for quite some time and finally felt like I should share my story.
I have two beautiful children, a son who is now 5 and a 17 month old baby girl.
With my first pregnancy it was quite a shock. I was 24 and had only been married 4 months. I was on the pill when I got pregnant and was shocked and upset when I found out. I did not feel ready in any way. We were newly married, I was finishing school, we hasn’t even gone on a honeymoon yet! I cried for weeks. Finally I was beginning to accept it when we found out something was wrong-he had a condition called gastrochesis, a rare condition where the abdomen doesn’t close so all his intestines, stomach etc were outside his body. Anyways to make a long story short it was a rough pregnancy and a very rough beginning to life and parenthood. He was in the hospital for months, surgeries etc.
Body wise though, I didn’t gain much weight, did not get stretch marks and bounced back immediately. Due to stress I lost additional weigh and was skinnier then ever.
When I got pregnant with my daughter it was a different experience. We were trying to conceive this time and the pregnancy went smoothly. I gained a ton of weight-got close to 200 pounds at delivery and she was 8.14, a big healthy baby! I got stretch marks on my breasts and a few on my hips. I still have at least 10-15 pounds that won’t come off. I hate my love handles. I love my kids more then anything but it depresses me to look in the mirror and I don’t see my flat toned stomach or perky boobs anymore. Then the other day at work I ran into the seamstress who did alterations on my wedding dress. She said ” wow kids sure wrecked your body. You used to be so skinny!” I cried all night over that comment, I’ve never felt so hurt.
I want to feel sexy and beautiful again, sometimes I still do, but I guess it’s going to take time to accept myself.
-anonymous, aged 31
19 thoughts on “Wrecked (Anonymous)”
Don’t you wish people would just remember the simple rule if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. It’s like the time I was changing my shirt in front of my sis and she goes wow your boobs are saggy! Hey I got pregnant 4 weeks after the wedding, I cried too… and it’s okay to go through all of those feelings. You look great, curvy, womanly and sexy. I wish I had your boobs. And those last 15 lbs you can lose them. I gained 50, and lost the last 10 lbs just by walking 4-5 times a day around my neighborhood. You can do it :)
I just can’t believe someone would say that. I just don’t even have words. Your body looks a lot like mine. I hear you. Give yourself a hug and maybe permission to let yourself keep those last pounds. You are lovely.
For what it’s worth from a male perspective and a father of many kids myself, you are NOT wrecked, you are indeed very beautiful. People say such nasty things sometimes because they are insecure with themselves. There are FAR more people who think you are beautiful than “wrecked”…just remember that ;)
“Kids sure wrecked your body”?
You are gorgeous. Your breasts are still perky whether you see that or not, and your stomach looks flat to me! The reason that the last 10 pounds are always harder to lose is that when your body decides its found its ideal weight, you plateau there.
Again, you are drop-dead gorgeous.
And if your seamstress and other people have the audacity to make cruel comments to your face, you need to jettison them from your life ASAP.
You look amazing. Your not a teenager anymore why would you want to have a teenagers body. Im jealous of your boobs. Im only 21 and i have 50 year old boobs from only one baby. You look amazing and anybody who brings you down or feels otherwise should check out of your life. :) :)
Wow, sometimes the things people say really shock me. I can’t possibly imagine how on earth that woman thought that was an appropriate comment to make to you! On top of that, your body looks anything but wrecked to me – you really do look lovely.
This post struck me because my mother is a seamstress (like the woman who made this comment to you), and my mother has the most acute critical eye for any small change in my body. I have really struggled with it, because growing up, she made lots of my clothes, and she was constantly measuring me and knew every time anything changed at all. We’re human. Things swell, shrink, sag…we’re not the same body every day, and being so acutely aware and verbally reminded of that was enough to make me a bit obsessive about what changes people saw.
It took me a long time to realize that when I gained/lost or my body otherwise changed, most people don’t actually notice it. I was wrongly assuming my mother was “the norm”.
I’m saying this only because I’m willing to bet that this person who made that comment to you is in a business that has trained her eye in a way that most of us aren’t trained…it was still an unwelcome thing to say, but just because she was thinking it, does NOT mean that other people in your life are looking at you like that.
Wrecked?! You are beautiful!! Have confidence in yourself. Some people say nasty things because they themselves are insecure of even jealous. Have faith that you are still as beautiful as you were before you had children, for indeed, having children makes us even more beautiful and womanly. There is a special power in that. Blessings to you sister.
Never thought about the seamstress thing until Mina mentioned the situation with her mother. When I was a senior in high school (before kids) I had my prom dress made and I was a scrawny thing and the dress was very fitted. She actually patted my non-existent stomach and said ‘Are you sure YOU want this kind of dress?” So now I’m thinking it must be a business thing. HOWEVER, it is beyond hurtful and completely unnecessary! Hurt people, hurt people. You have to be incredibly unhappy to say something so mean, especially when it is NOT true.
When I read that line, I put myself in your place and felt a surge of adrenaline. Took me 30 seconds to come up with these first two responses to the seamstress:
First one: “What’s your excuse?”
Second: “What’s your excuse for your face?”
Then after breathing and becoming Present:
Third: A genuine smile, giggle and laugh, “did you say something?” -walk away. Shake it off as we say on the volleyball court or shake it off like ducks do. People who say things like that are likely projecting or envious.
Kids prove a female body does what it’s suppose to do in order for the human race to continue. Inevitably, ALL bodies change.
The body in the picture above is beautiful and celebrities would agree because they know their photos are airbrushed and what they really looked before surgeries.
Accept the fact your body changed and would have changed anyway. Believe your body is beautiful because it is, even if looked different and was beautiful before, it’s even more beautiful after because it fulfilled a life purpose. Care about your opinion and make sure your opinion is that you love the body that achieved an amazing wonder…bore children.
Your body is abso. gordeous! It`s my first reaction. The people that say mean things to you – wants to bring you down. Stand tall, you are just stunning!!
Thank you everyone so much for your kind comments. I really appreciate it & it means a lot for everyone to be so supportive!
You look great!!! I actually can’t believe you’ve had three kids (I had twins last year, and my body definitely looks more stretched out!). That lady is a real jerk.
You’re GORGEOUS!!! I have 2 kids as well and don’t think I look anywhere near as good!
Hi there Anonymous,
I know that it’s sometimes hard to take in completely, but you are GORGEOUS!!! My daughter is 14 months old and I WISH my body looked as great as yours does! We are ALL beautiful and I hope that you take a second to truly embrace just how amazing your body is. But, I get it…I get down about my mummy tummy, I have a Diastasis Recti (my abdominal muscles split right down the middle, so my intestines bulge out making me look as though i am still 6 months pregnant)…but I am writing to tell you that it is ok to feel sad, but you need to let that go and embrace how truly beautiful you are!
P.S. That seamstress is a knucklehead with ZERO social skills/compassion.
I cannot believe that someone would say such an awful rude thing to you!
I think that you look beautiful.
just one word……beautiful.
Wow. Your body doesn’t look bad at all! No real sign ore stretch marks. Still have curves. And BOOBS. So jealous that you have yours. Mine were C/D, and now I have empty, saggy, wrinkly A/B boobs. You still have a lovely, womanly body. I feel like I have a grandma’s body. XD
You are still A very beautiful woman ,and very sexy.I hope I do not offend anyone but I would definitely consider you A milf. You really are still very attractive and your husband is A very lucky man:)