Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

6 Babies, 5 C-Sections, 4 Daughters, 3 TOL’s, 2 Son’s, 1 Love (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update, VBAC 14 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

My last posting this past summer was very freeing for me. I loved the photos, and for the first time really saw beauty in my imperfect body. I feel strong, and continue to grow in inner and outer strength. These photos were taken at our local hot springs & a then there are a couple of family photos. I love this website… and life :-)

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12, 7, 5, 4, 3, 23mo– 23 mo PP

11 Weeks Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 13 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

23 years old
1 pregnancy
1 birth
11wks postpartum and -30lbs

I decided it was time to finally write my postpartum update. I ended up carrying to 41 weeks and giving birth completely naturally on November 28, 2010. And before anyone congratulates me on that, I did not want or anticpate a natural birth– I just progressed much faster than the doctors had time to give me any pain medication! I went to the hospital at 3:30am and started pushing a little before 8:00am. Back labor, all the way. I wanted to die; yeah, it hurt like hell, and I had no way of knowing that I would give birth before 9am. So I’m sitting there on the gourney thinking “oh my god, this hurts… am I going to suffer like this fr twelve hours or more?!?” But by the time I was asking for pain meds (in a very weak, pathetic voice, lol) the doctor came in to check me, saw me shivering and said “we need to get her in a room, she’s gonna have this baby NOW!” So I suppose I should just buck up and be happy that I didn’t end up birthing my son in the waiting room… wouldn’t that be an interesting story?

As it turned out, Baby Aleksandr was born with no long-term complicatons. There was fetal distress, meconium, a drop in BP, and the cord was wrapped around his neck. My husband was not allowed to cut the cord because they wanted to get our son medical attention right away. He was 8lbs 3oz and 21 inches long! Tore me sideways and I needed … quite a few stitches. At least ten, I think….

A lot has happened to both me and my son since giving birth… my husband was deployed almost immediately after Aleks was born. On Christmas Day I got a call saying my grandmother had fallen into a diabetic coma, so me and my mom packed up and lived with my grandpa two states away for about to and a half weeks while we waited for my grandma to die. Having to see her all bruised up when she was in her coma (from dialysis and everything else the doctors did to her), and then seeing her 4-day-old unebalmed body is something I’ll never be able to forget. She had specifically said she did not want to be embalmed, and her death landed right around New Years when the cemetery was closed… because apparently someone thinks that people don’t die around New Years, I don’t know.

Once I got back up in Washington my Mom had to go back to her home in Oregon, so I was by myself again with a newborn who had his schedule all messed up from traveling so much. I had doctors appointments for follow-ups, IUD insertions, I was in the ER twice in the last three weeks: once because my postpartum bleeding was so heavy that I was dizzy and nauseous (I’ve had heavy periods before, this much blood actually scared me) and a second time for what turned out to be rectocele. I’ve been jumping through hoops trying to see doctors and hoping I can have it corrected with surgery. Finally saw a third doctor today to get the official green light for surgery and was told it could be worse and I would just have to live with it. I was in tears. The doctor hadn’t even given me any options, just told me I’d probably need to take laxatives for the next few months, maybe longer. I’m going to get a second opinion (technicaly a fourth opinion), but I’m waiting until my husband comes home because I’m starting to get depressed having to make all these medical decisions by myself. And no, he has not been allowed to take emergency leave to be with me OR take his baby leave.

I was 195lb when I gave birth. I wasn’t really concerned with stretch marks because I grew my hips in the 8th grade, lol. Yeah, I was a little put off by the ones scattered south of my belly button, but I know I can live with them. The’ve already faded a LOT, and … well, I live in Washington, it’s not like bikini weather is very common. I’ve sent my husband pictures of my postpartum progress (I’m 165 now), and he tells me tha I’m not only beautiful, but strong and assures me I’m taking excellent care of our son. Because of everything that’s been happening in the last 11 weeks, I haven’t been able to exercise as much as I’d like. Between stitches, travelling, bleeding, worrying that my organs are gonna fall out my butt… I did gain an interesting perspective on my need to take care of myself. It’s not just getting down to prepregnancy size and weight that’s important to me. I know I still have 10+ lbs to go before I’m back at my prepregnancy weight, but other things take precedence. I know I’ve been very lucky in regaining much of my shape without going out of my way to acquire it, and I do have my genes to thank for that. I know as soon as I no longer have to value an hour of sleep over a 15 minute run, I’ll be quick to bounce back completely. But I can be patient.
My husband was able to come home for a night (due to military work, not so he could stay –boo), and he finally got to see his little boy smile. And somehow it made me smile and broke my heart at the same time :) I can’t wait for Aleks to grow up and become a little hellion like both me and his daddy were. He looks so much like his father– but he’s got my lips! lol I’m glad I had the Shape of a Mother site to help m through my pregnancy and postprtum period. This site is amazing with its support. Thank you all!

Pictures are:
prepregnancy
39.5 weeks pregnant
3 hours after giving brith
2 weeks PP
7 weeks PP
me and my son!
11 weeks PP
my two handsome men!

15 Year Old Mother (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 27 Comments

I just wanted to start off by saying that I have a lot of respect for all of the women who have posted on here. All of you have made me realize that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my new motherly body, even if I’m the only 15 year old I know who has a saggy tummy and stretch marks. You’re all beautiful and you should be proud.

My story starts at the age of 14, I thought I was in love with the boy of my dreams and decided to lose my virginity to him. Being a teenager I thought I was invincible. I thought that pregnancy was something that happened to those teenagers who slept around a lot or who aren’t careful when it comes to protection. But I was wrong. Before I got pregnant I was only 115 pounds. By the end of my pregnancy I was 175 pounds and only 5′ 1″. I found out I was pregnant when I was already 20 weeks along. Half of my pregnancy went by and I had had no idea! In that same month I also found out I would be having a little girl and that I had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I used a diet controlled method, but it didn’t work. I ended up gaining a whopping 60 pounds by the end of my pregnancy. I have stretch marks on my boobs, stomach, sides, butt, and inner & outer thighs. Everyone had thoroughly convinced me that because I am so young I would not stretch and that I would lose the weight extremely fast. They were wrong.

I went for an ultrasound at 39 weeks and the told me that I would have to be induced the next week so as to prevent the baby from gaining a large amount of weight before I delivered. I was livid. I wanted an all natural, drug-free birth. And then my dreams of that were crushed. About a week later I went back for another ultrasound and they informed me that the baby had gained 3 pounds in just a week! She went from being 6 pounds to 9 pounds in just a week. They told me I would need a c-section because I was too small and the baby was too large. I was devastated. Not only did I not get my all natural birth, I didn’t get a vaginal birth at all. The doctor who told me this was very rude. She basically told me that it was all my fault that I had to have a c-section because I got pregnant at 14 and had an “oops baby”.

On September 3 I went to the hospital where they prepped me and gave me an epidural. My beautiful daughter was born 9 pounds 2 ounces, 20 and a half inches long. When I saw her for the first time I didn’t understand how I could have ever wanted to give her up for adoption. I am now 5 and a half months postpartum and have only lost 32 of my 60 pounds. I used to feel ugly and disgusting. But after finding this site and seeing that there are other women in my same position I have gained a lot more confidence. My daughter is 5 and a half months and is perfectly healthy and I couldn’t ask for a more perfect child.

~Age: 15
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 and a half months.

picture # 1: Me and my mom (pre-pregnancy)
picture # 2: Me at 40 weeks the night before my c-section.
picture # 3&4: stretch marks on my stomach and inner thigh.
picture # 5: my c-section scar.
picture # 6&7: My beautiful baby girl.

Updated here.

I Like Myself (Rosie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

I see a ton of ladies hating on their post-baby bodies, and some very genetically blessed ladies who are rockin’ it.

I’m right here in the middle. I gained some weight, and I lost it. I started my pregnancy around 170 lbs. I struggled with hyperemesis in my first trimester and dropped to 145 lbs. By delivery day I weighed 191 lbs. At six weeks postpartum I’m weighing 167 lbs. I’m hitting the gym. My belly is so textured with stretch marks that it reminds me of a trapper keeper I had in middle school.

I still have some weight to lose, and I don’t know when those stretch marks will fade.

My unmedicated water birth showed me how strong and capable I am.

Breastfeeding and the patience it requires is my new yoga.
I love myself, and I love my body.

And you should too.

You made a baby. That is pretty amazing.

If you’re not happy with your body, please try to remember all that you did. Nourish yourself well. Put your baby in a carrier and dance in the living room or in the stroller and walk until youfeel the burn. Leave baby with a sitter and take a class that sounds fun or take a mommy and me class. Do something active a few times a week.

Don’t make excuses. Take care of your body and love yourself. Flaunt your self esteem. It’s a great example to your children.

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: Two pregnancies. One very empowering, unmedicated, water birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: I am a mother of one amazing daughter. I am almost six weeks postpartum.

Believing My Husband’s Words (Nikki)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 22 Comments

Age: 24
7 pregnancies, 2 births
Children age: 4 yrs & 15 months

I enjoy coming to Bonnie’s website because I know, if anything, it gives women a place to be open and honest with themselves. Whether or not a woman takes anything constructive from it is individual. I have seen bodies of women who I think shouldn’t complain and bodies of women who could have every reason to. In all, this site will either make you appreciate what you have or loathe it. But day after day, I come and read the very similar posts of my fellow mothers and begin to think: “Why do we put so much weight into our looks?” I haven’t seen any websites for men to discuss their calloused hands, beer gut and flat butt. My husband has more stretch marks (due to steroids for a condition) and ACTUAL skin problems (eczema, psoriasis) than I do, but he doesn’t think himself ugly or unfit for intimacy. If I can love him for who he is and his looks, and I’m pretty sure you ladies feel the same way about your SO, then why of all whys do we question whether our men still find us attractive? Our men aren’t any beauty queens or underwear models themselves, but we put ourselves thru all kinds of mental and physical hell to be something we think our men desire. When on the flip side, they aren’t worried about doing it for us.

For example, I was watching Dr. Oz and he had some overweight women who felt insecure of their bodies and wanted help. Well right beside them was their overweight husbands. Why do they have to take on the unattractive burden when their husbands are no more attractive or in any better physical condition? But if you asked those same women how they felt about their husband, they’d say they love them unconditionally and looks didn’t matter. Unless they’re lying to make them feel good, why can’t men say what will make us feel good? Sounds unfair and one-sided don’t you think? But it’s possible for a man to actually consider our worth in terms of personality and inner beauty than looks alone. If men aren’t stressin’, neither should we. And we bring something even better to the table: our beauty is amplified by bringing life into this world. A man’s beauty is amplified by the type of father he is to those children. Ladies, if we are stressing about our looks for a man we think will leave us because of our looks, he wasn’t worth keeping around anyway. He’d be considered shallow and not worth your love. But if we keep compounding our self loathing onto them, it will turn them off to us. They want a confident woman regardless of what society deems her body. Because frankly, men get tired of hearing us complain or worse, refusing them intimacy. We’re not some damn peacock strutting around. Our brains are too complex to live our lives focused on the quality of our feathers. There are people needing love and attention inside and outside our homes, so we need to take stock on the abilities and capabilities of ourselves. We take on spouses for the comfort and security of being ourselves and walking together on a path to greater things. There shouldn’t be any room for shame.

Couples should support and encourage physical fitness and better eating for the sake of being healthier so you all can grow old together and see your grandkids, not so you can look like Gisele and he Tom Brady. They’re not that cute anyway, lol. While I would hope this message reaches someone, if anything I want it to make women think. And remember, if he says you look hot, beautiful, sexy, or bangin’ BELIEVE HIM.

Exciting News

Bonnie (SOAM) News 3 Comments

In 2006, when I started this website and it went from scratch to worldwide in less than a month I was struck by the deep need for such a website to exist in this culture. Women responded to it with such emotion – relief, gratitude and love among others – that I knew we’d been craving it for generations. Almost immediately I decided I wanted to create a sister website that reflected what all women look like, even if they haven’t birthed a child. A site where women of all ages, sizes and colors have the opportunity not only to work on body and self love in more general terms than just pregnancy, but also to discuss issues like mastectomies and how it effects body love. And, of course, always showing the world what real bodies, in all their diversity, look like.

I’ve tried a couple of times to get this dream of mine going, but for reasons behind the scenes it’s never happened – until now! We are working on it as I speak and it will be up and running in the next few weeks! I’ll keep you updated on that as it progresses, but in the mean time I wanted to ask you to spread the word and to send me submissions for anything you’d like to share. Tell your grandmothers, your aunts, your little sisters – ask them to share their stories, pain, love and wisdom with us.

Over the last almost five years I’ve felt a shift in body image and, while Hollywood might not get it yet, the rest of us do. Together we can make big changes. We can heal ourselves and help the next generations toss self-hatred right out the window. I’m so excited!!

Here’s how to participate:

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**Please do not submit professional photographs unless YOU are the photographer or can have the photographer e-mail me his or her permission. Due to copyright laws I cannot post photos without the photographer’s direct permission.**

By submitting an entry you agree…

…to allow me to post your photos and/or story here on this website, and you realize that this is the internet and a public forum.

…that if your photos include nudity, you are over 18 years old and were at the time the photos were taken.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

TO SUBMIT A STORY:
Email the following information to TIAWsubmissions@gmail.com!

What to include:
~Title of your entry:
~The name you want posted with your entry (“Anonymous” is fine):
~Your story or thoughts if you want to include something:
~Will you give permission to use this entry in the media, if needed? (Not necessary, but appreciated)
~If you would like me to close comments on your entry, please let me know – otherwise I will leave them open by default.
~Don’t forget to attach photos!

You may also choose to include:
~Your Age:
~Any key words (surgeries, infertility, plus-sized, health complications, etc):

SOAM to be Featured on the Today Show’s Wesbite!

Bonnie (SOAM) In the Media, News 0 Comment

Rebecca, the woman putting the story together would like to enlist your help. Here’s her message to you:

“I’m writing a story for TODAY.com, the TODAY show’s web site, about Shape of a Mother. I’ve talked to Bonnie about how she started the site, and how it’s become such an empowering experience for women to accept the changes in their body and find their beauty after having children. I’d love to talk to some women who have sent in photos to Shape of a Mother: What inspired you to send your photo? How did you feel about sharing it with the world? Did your experience change the way you feel about your body? Why do you think this web site is important?

“I would love to hear your thoughts – my e-mail address is Rebecca.dube@msnbc.com. Please include your first and last name, your age and the number of children you have. Thanks very much, and I look forward to hearing from you!”

The Perfect Food, Not Quite the Perfect Packaging (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breastfeeding, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 30
# of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
Ages of children: 3 and 9 months

When my first daughter was born she showed a clear preference for my right breast to nurse from. When she began biting ‘lefty’ terribly to the point of bleeding I decided to nurse her exclusively from my right breast. I did consult with Dr. Newman first and he recommended it. So began her near 3 year career of nursing from one breast, til the day she weaned on New Years Eve 2010 of her own accord. She nursed through my entire second pregnancy and well after my second daughter was born. After my next little lady was born, the same thing happened. A clear preference for my right breast and a severe distaste for poor ‘lefty’. I decided to pull my left breast off the menu and now my second darling daughter only nurses from the one side.

Because of this I am very lopsided. “Righty” is a D cup, full, covered in stretch marks, veiny with a lovely pink nipple, always ready to fill a tiny tummy with milky goodness. “Lefty” is a small B cup, soft, even toned skin and near empty. It sure tries to keep up with the non-demand for milk though.

I do rely on the thoughts that someday they will soon resemble each other again. Also, I’m proud that even though I’ve had strange difficulties with my picky babies and their preferences, I’ve still been able to nurse them well and as long as they’d like. I’m not ready to allow them to go back to being a source of womanly sexiness between my husband and I, but that will come someday and like a good man he respects that entirely.

We’re all done having babies, so I know I’ll look rockin’ in a bathing suit again within the next few years. Fingers crossed!

5 Weeks PP, Almost There – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Complications During or After Birth, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, NICU, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

Ahhh where can I begin? Its been 16 weeks since I welcomed my beautiful baby boy into the world. I feel very happy about the place I’m at. So far since my last update I lost more weight and I’m back into my pre pregnancy jeans once again. My tummy is completely flat and I’m starting to get my abs defination back. My breast went down so I’m back to pre pregnancy. I still feel empty at times like I failed my baby. In the first update I forgot to mention that my son was born at 28 weeks weighing two pounds two ounces. I was hurt and very embrassed. I feel sad and angry that women who are heavy pregnant complain about the marks and the weight. I would have been happy to have a mommy tummy atleast I would have known that I wouldn’t have failed my baby. I pray everyday and ask god to show mercy on my son and he has. I never realize how stupid and selfish I was by not enjoying every minute that my son was inside of me. I didn’t have a tradition babyshower with a big belly I didn’t have a happy birth where I left the hospital with my son in my hands I had to see my baby have blood transfusions and Iv lines all through his arms and feet. I had to wait six weeks just to hold my son for the first time. I had to get a phone call from my sons doctor saying that my son has stop breathing and they had to bag him. Its so many things that I didn’t do or get to do that I’m most hurt about. I didn’t get a chance to even see my son when he was born or even get to touch him. Im still very emotional about the whole ordeal and I’m in tears as I write this. I had to wait three months just to finally bring my baby home a week before his due date. Premature babies go through so much but my son is healthy and happy. He has no brain bleeds IVH which is so s common with babies born his age he’s not on any medications or on any breathing machines which is very common with babies born at his age. I proud to see he’s such a greedy fat baby and love his milk he poops a lot and is perfect in everyway. So far he has no lasting effects of being born prematurely which I’m so very thankful for. The doctors don’t know why I had PROM (pre mature rapture of the membranes) but with my next child I will be seen by a high risk doctor and I’m very hopeful that I won’t have another preemie. My sons birth gave me a complete understanding of what love is and how to have compassion for other people. This ordeal brought me and my sons father even more closer as a family and we now live together and talking about marriage. He tells me I’m sexy and cause me his little sexy girl :) Life couldn’t be any better I’m working and going to school to become a nurse. I want to show another family the same compassion that my sons nurses should us. I want to work in the NICU with preemies. I’m learning to love my body at times I hate it and get so angry when people say oh u don’t even look like u had a baby. What I would give. This update is for all of the moms who hate there post baby bodies be so thankful that your body grew your babies and protected them because mines didn’t. Sometimes I wish I would be on the other end of the stick and complain about my post baby body. I didn’t get to breastfeed only pump but after six weeks my milked dried up so now my son is formula fed I’m hurting with another thing my body failed. I will have another baby and I will enjoy every moment of pregnancy. My pregnancy body was so beautiful I was nice and ripe sometimes I still touch my belly wishing I still could be pregnant. I included my pictures. The first picture is of my belly a week before I had my son. The next picture is of how my breast look now and the third picture is of my tummy now and the fourth picture is me now and the last picture is of my beautiful baby boy :) who I love so very much. When I get down I just think of all of the mommies who will never leave the hospital with their babies and i feel grateful that I have a healthy and happy beautiful baby who I kiss all day everyday.

Two Beautiful Babies, One Beautiful Mommy (Mary V)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 21 Comments

Age: 24
Pregnancies/Births: 2/2
Children: 2yrs, 4yrs

I have been up and down over the last few years, blogging on this site has helped me so much. This morning I went to the gym, I go 3 days a week for 2 hours each day. As kickboxing was about to begin the instructor and I were chatting and she lifted her shirt to reveal her “mommy” tummy, it was my “mommy” tummy! She is incredibly fit and gorgeous, I was taken back by how confident she was, even while showing something that most of us go to great lengths to hide. I quickly lifted my shirt to share my dirty little secret, and now I feel incredible. I have been working hard to get fit, and I am done obsessing over things I can not change. I am lucky to have two amazing, smart children and at the end of the day I have a husband who holds me tight. Life doesn’t get much better than this!