Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

First Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

Anonymous
Age 21
Number of Pregnancies 1
Number Of Births 1
Age of Child 4 months

When I become pregnant with my daughter it was a total surprise. Luckily I had an easy pregnancy, only got sick a few times and worked up until I was 38 weeks. When I found out that I was pregnant I was 5’4″ and 120 pounds. A little on the heavy side for myself, but still at a healthy weight. Pre pregnancy I fluctuated anywhere from 110-115 pounds. I ate whatever I wanted while I was pregnant but didn’t overindulge. I ate when I was hungry, and stopped when I was full. I gained weight slowly at first but then into my third trimester it really picked up. The day I went into labor I weighed 143, so a 23 pound weight gain total.

I had always had small breasts, but proportionally they looked fine on my small frame. I was a B cup pre pregnancy and a large C throughout my pregnancy. When my milk came in I was a DD. My pregnant belly always was on the smaller side, when they measured it at my appointments I usually was measuring anywhere between two and four weeks behind schedule. I even had an ultrasound to check and make sure my daughter didn’t have growth retardation. I was told that since I was on the small side myself it was likely I would have a small baby. Because of the fact my belly was generally smaller than average, and I gained my weight so gradually, I attribute that to the fact that I didn’t get a single stretch mark on my tummy. My breasts are another story altogether however. I call them “tiger boobs” because they are so covered in stretch marks. My daughter was never able to latch so I pumped exclusively for two months until my milk dried up. When my milk went away I went back to a B cup. My breasts are still perky, but feel less dense. They are definitely softer, but aside from the stretch marks they look nearly exactly the same as they did before.

I went overdue with my daughter and was set to be induced on a Wednesday. On Sunday night I had horrible contractions that made me double over in pain, they finally went away so the next night when I had them again, I thought that they would just go away. They started Monday morning at 2 am, by 9 am I couldn’t take the pain anymore and was begging my husband to take me to the hospital, if nothing else I could get something for pain to hold me over until Wednesday. We went to the hospital and hooked my up to the monitors. I was 3 cm dilated (I had been 2 cm for weeks). They left and said they would check back in an hour to see how I had progressed. After 45 minutes I hit the call light in tears begging for some relief from the pain. They checked me again and I was 5cm, they then admitted me. I was expecting to be sent home, so I was definitely in shock that today would be the day. I got the epidural at 12 pm and from there it was smooth sailing. At 4:32 pm after pushing for 3 contractions my sweet girl was born weighing in at 7lbs 1oz. Up until I pushed, I was told she was ‘definitely small’. She was so beautiful and I was instantly in love.

I wore a post partum belly binder for a few weeks. My belly was flat after six days but still felt like mush. It took about two months to feel firm again. At 5 weeks I was working out again. I weighed 133 when I came home from the hospital, 117 at two months post partum, and 107 at three months postpartum. I now fluctuate between 105-108. I run about 16 miles a week, and watch what I eat, but overall I am happy with my body. I gave another person life and that is the most miraculous thing a body can do. I didn’t have expectations to look exactly as I used to so I can’t be disappointed.

I used to check this website religiously throughout my pregnancy, I wanted to see how pregnancy affected other women, I was nervous but I knew that giving new life and being a mother was the most important thing. To say that pregnancy didn’t change my body would be a lie. I do think that genetics and age play the largest role in your transformation though. That’s why I never slathered myself in cocoa butter or bio oil. I knew if I was going to get stretch marks that’s just the way it would be, and it was useless to worry about it. The picture of me in the pink bikini is pre-pregnancy. I weighed 112 in that photo. The photo of me in the green sweatpants is six days after giving birth, I swear by the belly binder for making your tummy go back down quickly. The next is a side by side comparison of 39 weeks pregnant and two months post-partum. Two months is when I began to feel good about my body again and my tummy started to firm up, I was about 115 in that photo. The last photo is of me four months post partum weighing in at 106. I’m now at a point where I’m just trying to maintain my health. If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask. I know how much this website helped me and I just want to help others in their journeys into motherhood. :)

Loaded with fat and a belly that won’t go away. Looking for advice and input. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 19 Comments

Hi! I’m looking for some advice on my 4 month post-partum body. I had my first child at age 32 via c/section that took us 5 years to conceive. God had a major plan for us and I ended up pregnant again when baby #1 was only 7 months old. Prior to pregnancy #1, I was 5’9″ and fluctuated between 145-150lbs and was 178 lbs on the day of delivery. Within 2 weeks after my first son’s birth, I was back to 150 lbs without breast feeding or doing anything . The second pregnancy I had to go through the holidays and the massive amount of sugar intake killed me. I ended up weighing about 188lbs on the day my second son was delivered. With my first son, the hospital staff kept commenting that they couldn’t tell I had just had a baby. After having the second son, I knew I was in trouble because no one made similar comments and when I got home from the hospital I weighed 172 lbs and my son was 8lbs 8oz!

Fortunately within two weeks I was back down to 162 lbs..unfortunately, that is where it has stayed! I’m 5 weeks into an intense cardio conditioning program (Turbo Fire) and added weight training last week (Chalean Extreme). Nothing is pushing my belly down OR budging the scale. The scale keeps fluctuating between 162-165 lbs..no inches lost (again, since I was 2 weeks post partum). My current goal is to work on eating clean and healthy. Hopefully I can get some of my muscle mass back and lose the fat deposits that appear to be throughout my abdomen and back. Two years of inactivity has really taken a toll on my body. I’ve checked repeatedly and it doesn’t seem that I have diastisis. Everything seems to connect down the midline above, at and below my belly button. I do seem to have a soft bulge above the belly button, but it isn’t painful or anything.

Each day I spend probably an hour examining my stomach and wondering how to get it to look not pregnant anymore. I’m lost with what to do. I do wear a binder almost every day, but try to take it easy with that because I have heard it can cause the muscles to become dependent on it. I’ve never in my life had to struggle with my weight and have always been able to eat whatever I want. Obviously things could be a lot worse and I know I’m blessed in the fact I didn’t get any stretch marks. However, at the end of the day, I am not comfortable in this body and am tired of having ill fitted clothes. I’m wondering if there’s any hope to fix this? The fact I am not seeing any improvements makes me concerned this is going to be something permanent.

~Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies/2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 20 months and 4 months; 4 months post partum

Struggling to Accept My New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Diastasis Recti, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

I am a 23 year old mother who got pregnant unexpectedly. I was 120 before pregnancy and gained 75 pounds. My baby was 9 pounds 5 ounces and my body will never be the same. I have diastasis recti, and my boobs are uneven and sagging. Although I’ve lost all the pregnancy weight (nursing), my body is definitely much looser than it was before. Trying to get my confidence back by posing in a swimsuit although I’m sure I’ll never wear a bikini in public again :-(:-(

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6.5 months postpartum

8 Months Postpartum, Second Child (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

I have posted to this website once before, almost two years ago. As I am sitting and typing this I am going in with a very different mindset than I had the last time I posted. I am now 8 months post partum with my second daughter weighing in at 145 pounds. I still have 15 pounds to lose to be at my pre-pregnancy weight but this time I am taking it slow. After I had my first daughter 2 years ago, I knew that I loved her and I loved to breastfeed her. Now with my second daughter I know that I love her and love breastfeeding her. I do not however love the stretch marks that pregnancy and breastfeeding have given me on my breasts. I do not love the fact that my stomach is no longer toned like it used to be and I really do not like the stretch marks that I’ve gained. I didn’t get any new stretch marks with the second baby which was great and they are fading now which is even better. I thought after my first daughter that my body was ruined and it wasn’t good enough for my husband to look at. He only ever made me feel that way because of some unfortunate porn viewing (which has now stopped for a year). It took me a long time to realize that his porn viewing was not because of the stretch marks and weight gain, it was something in him. We are now doing amazing and parenting together the way we should. My girls make me so happy but, up until 2 months ago I was suffering some post partum depression. I dealt with it by talking things out with whoever I could. I know that part of the depression was feeling terrible about my body. Everywhere I look there is a woman who is supposed to be ‘perfect’ and that was really getting to me because I am not perfect. I am not a model or a porn star or anything else that is made to look flawless. I am me, with stretch marks, weight gain, extra skin, things that I was not used to before. I am not only used to these things but I accept them, because I have learned to accept myself on the inside. The things that are on the outside are the least of my worries now. That’s not to say that I don’t struggle somedays because I do, but I bet EVERYONE does. I still want to lose 20 pounds but that’s because of toning up and being at an optimal health level for me and maybe one day if I am terribly unsatisfied with my breasts after weaning, I may get implants. People can judge me for that, I don’t care because I am the one who will deal with the consequences and rewards. If a spray tan or makeup or a new outfit makes you feel more confident and sexy then I say go for it (obviously surgery is much more serious). A breast augmentation will also depend on how I feel it will affect my daughters later in life. I always want my daughters to feel beautiful and I plan to lead by example and if I ever have a son I want him to respect women for the bodies they have, not the bodies they could have from photoshop or airbrushing. I am happy with who I am, the wife I am, and most of all the MOM that I am. I may want to make some physical changes, but is anyone ever completely happy with every single part of their body? I don’t think so, I don’t feel any shame in wanting to make changes that will please ME not anyone else. Attached are pictures of my body 8 months post partum with my second daughter. Don’t mind the hole in the wall in the side view picture, it was here when we moved in. :)

From Loving My Body to Loathing It (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 24 Comments

I got pregnant at 17. It was unplanned and unexpected. I was scared, but a little excited too. My boyfriend was supportive and so were his family. I loved being pregnant.. I so enjoyed watching my belly grow each month. For the first time in my life, I felt womanly and sexy. Pre-pregnancy I was a mere 89 lbs. Keep in mind I am very petite- only 4″11. Well, by the time I delivered my son I was 115 lbs. I was happy though, because I really felt like I was all belly. I never got a single stretch mark. My beautiful baby boy entered this world weighing 6 lbs 3 oz.. a decent size for me I think. By the time I got home, I realized what pregnancy had really done to my body. My stomach was loose and flabby. My boobs were so saggy I hardly recognized them. Not to mention my nipples went from being small and pink to being giant and brown. My ass is too big to get into any of my jeans, which I wore my ENTIRE pregnancy, I might add. Every time I look in the mirror I want to scream. My vagina looks like complete roadkill.. I won’t include a pic because I’m honestly too embarrassed but my urethra is much lower than it used to be, and my labia is very stretched out. I also have a new ‘lip’ from getting snipped down there. I feel like no one will ever want me ever again. My boyfriend assures me my boobs aren’t ‘that’ saggy and I’m not ‘that’ fat, but then he tells me to curl ups and go running. If we ever break up, I know that no man would want me. I have battled anorexia, bulimia, depression, and bipolar disorder since I was 13. I have been self harming for many years as well. My body is already covered in scars. I no longer feel beautiful and womanly like I did when I was pregnant.. I feel empty, deflated, and disgusting. My son is so much more important than my body, but I am so depressed about the changes that came after him that I’m finding it really hard to enjoy being a mom. I cry during late night feedings, I hardly leave my house, when my dad offers to watch him I decline because I don’t have anyone to hangout with anyway. No one wants to hear me cry about how awful I feel.. and I really don’t blame them. I currently weigh 97 lbs, I’m hoping to get down to 90 by the time my son is 12 weeks old. I only hope that I can overcome this loathing of my body so that I can fully enjoy him while he’s this small. I feel like I’m missing out on being a mom because this is eating away at my self esteem. I don’t want to fall back into the cycle of cutting myself, starving myself, and purging because I want so badly to be happy for him. I hope god hears my prayers, because right now, I am lost.

Your Age: 18
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 weeks postpartum

Inverted Nipples (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breasts, First Pregnancy, Inverted Nipples, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 26 ys
pregnancy 31 week

Hi, this e’my first pregnancy and my breast nipples hey were always Inverted.
We know that many women leave to breastfeed their babies by reason of not having breast nipples!
I was always ashamed by tua inverted nipples I hate them I feel ashamed and so ugly.
There is little time they went out to outside. I’m afraid of not breastfeed my baby. Some mummy has or has had the same problem???

After-Baby Belly Consuming My Thoughts (Jade)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 15 Comments

Age-24
Number of pregnancies\births-2 one natural one c section

Hello everyone! My name is Jade. First and foremost i have to say this site is pretty awesome. Its not everyday that we see what the bodies of real mothers look like without being photo-shopped or distorted by media. Its really sad, but its great that someone thought of this site and there are so many awesome mamas that put our bodies out there to share with each other.

I’m 24, have two amazing kids (5 and 2) an amazing supportive husband, awesome friends, but a major issue with my post pregnancy body. I am petite and always liked my body but had my issues (aka stupid teenager thought i was fat, how i wish i still had that body\skin UGH!) Anyway i had my first child young right out of high school and needless to say, she tore my skin to pieces. I had the worst stretch marks i had seen on anyone. They are not as red anymore but deep, silvery scars, across the bottom of my stomach like a belt to my hips around to my butt. Now i hadn’t seen alot other then my moms who i didn’t see alot either but i was only 19. Didn’t get alot more with my second child thank god. My issue is, i am OBSESSED with how much i hate my stretch marks\loose skin. I see myself as a 300 lb women when i look in the mirror. I’m just disgusted. I know I could look worse but its just depressing. When i see other young women wearing a midriff bearing top or bikini it makes me green with envy. I look at my beautiful healthy kids and say to myself it is all so worth it and it is. Its just hard. Why did I have to get stretch marks and other women did not. To make things worse I have tried every remedy in the book and nothing is working. I want to start working out and get down to my 112 pre pregnancy weight I’m about 124 right now. I am hoping maybe that will make me feel a little better but i don’t think it will. i feel so vain even saying these things but they take over my thoughts daily. In the shower, when I’m getting dressed. I just wish they would disappear. I am so tired of feeling this way. Its so hard because i feel like even if i was in great shape, i will never look good in a bikini because of my skin. My husband tells me he is not even bothered by them, but i have a really hard time believing it. Does anyone else feel this way or have any experience with fraxel laser resurfacing? Its basically my last resort because at this point i am considering a tummy tuck. I dont know if I can be happy anymore with my body. Thank you for reading my story and I am hoping that my attitude towards my body will change, one day.

I have never shown my body in this way to anyone, not even my husband. I am hoping this will make me feel better by just putting myself out there to women who would understand. First picture is what my tummy looks like in flattering lighting. Second is my scarred belly. Third is when I sit down (loose skin) and 4th is my horrible stretch marks on my hip (they are like this on both sides)

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

3 pregnancies. 2 Children. A 7 year old girl and a 5 years old boy. I am 33 years old.

I’m not sure where to start. I love this web site and it has helped me a little to know there are other women who feel the same way I do. I am completely ashamed and hate How my body looks since having children and losing 70lbs. It’s so frustrating to look totally normal with clothes on but underneath I feel I look anything but normal. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and says I look perfect but I still cringe when he touches me or looks at me, not because I don’t love his touch, but because I’m so disgusted with my body. I feel gulity that don’t look better for him and I can’t even do things like wear a bathing suit. I thought with time my feelings would change and I would behind to feel better about it but I only feel much worse. And then I feel guilty because it seems so vain of me to be so worried about How I look when I have my beautiful children, boyfriend, family and health. It’s a never ending cycle. anyway, that’s my story. Thank you for reading and I think you are all so beautiful!

Almost Six Years Later (Rianon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Age: 24
Number of children: 2
Daughter: 5 1/2 and my son is 21 months

Previous post here.

I posted my first entry 3 1/2 years ago after I discovered this amazing site. Reading it again now, I realize how different my views have changed about pregnancy, childbirth, and what it means to be beautiful as a woman.

When I wrote my first post I was a 21 year old mother of a daughter. I was incredibly insecure and vain (I’m still vain but no where near as insecure as I once was.) I obsessed about my stretch marks and boobs and butt, and if I gained a pound my world was a catastrophe. I felt that women should always try to be beautiful and wondered why we would have to get stretch marks and saggy skin when we had children. I moved to Texas a couple months after I posted it and got pregnant with my son the next year in 2011. I was terrified my entire pregnancy that my breasts (and breast augmentation) were going to be ruined and that my stomach would explode into a mass of stretch marks. I gained 27lbs during pregnancy weighing in at about 142lbs at delivery (I’m 5’2). I lost all my baby weight thanks to breastfeeding and stress within the next three months and was down to 111lbs in no time. However I still thought I looked bad, I thought my arms were chunky and that my stomach looked like an a deflated balloon.

Then something horrible and amazing happened. My husband and me went through a extremely rough patch and I took a couple of classes on feminism. It completely blew my mind. I had always considered myself a feminist but getting in depth into the history of feminism in the United States and learning how women are systemically taught to hate everything natural about ourselves really got to me. When my husband and I were at the brink of almost falling apart it also dawned on me that no matter how much I obsessed about my appearance and how beautiful a woman makes herself it doesn’t really matter. Beauty doesn’t come from the outside and when its cheap and vain it isn’t true. I was faced with new ideas about what being a women really means, and what being a mother means. It is hard being a feminist and a mother in our society. We are faced with cultural expectations of sexuality and modesty, being a mother and being a woman. I started looking at my body in a completely different way and I started thinking about WHY we women put these unrealistic standards on ourselves? Men don’t care about a little cellulite and stretch marks and if they do they aren’t worth it anyways. Only WOMEN care! Why do we torture ourselves if no one else but ourselves are judging us? Our society allows men to pick apart women like meat and we are taught to expect it. Have you noticed that we will sit around and dissect female celebrities by bits and pieces but never have I heard a woman say: “Oh I like Channing Tatum’s arms but he has a weird stomach.”

Men are afforded this luxury while women feel we have to apologize for so called “flaws” like stretch marks, softer breasts and love handles. I am an aspiring photographer and every single beautiful girl I have taken pictures of complains about something on her body. It goes to show you that no matter how perfect we think another woman is, she still feels flawed. That is what we are taught, and the only way to fight back is to not accept it.

Although I still feel self conscious from time to time I have decided to own my own feelings about my body. I don’t allow anyone else to tell me how to judge myself. Its a struggle but I accept it more and more everyday. My husband tells me he thinks I’m beautiful and I believe him. My stomach and boobs have stretch marks and I care less and less everyday. Now I wear bikinis to the beach and guess what? It feels great.

Gaining Confidence (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Vulva 11 Comments

I recently discovered SOAM and was happy to see a forum for discussing the changes women go through after childbirth. There seem to be a lot of younger women (20s) with beautiful bodies who post on this site, I wanted to share my story and pictures too. I’m 35 and have given birth to three children, with my recent child being born less than 6-months ago. I actually cried when we found it we were having our 3rd because I was finally happy with my body after our 2nd and the 3rd caught us by surprise. Now that we know we’re done having kids, I want to look the best that I can. I was worried about all aspects of my body: stomach, butt, boobs, and the taboo topic area (vagina/labia). I’ve been very self-conscious about my body, even though I’m back to my pre-baby weight of 125lbs. I just wish things were tighter than they are. My husband is very supportive and tells me frequently how good I look and how I turn him on. It’s nice to hear but I still miss my pre-baby body. Our sex life is still good too. I was worried what a 3rd vaginal delivery would do to me, but things still look the same down there and I can still orgasm like before. I’m posting these pictures, in part, to show other women what a women can look like after three pregnancies. My husband also encouraged me to post, telling me that I should be proud of how I look so soon after giving birth to our 3rd. Still nervous to submit but if you’re reading this…..I mustered up enough courage to hit the send button. Thanks.

Age: 35
Pregnancies/births: 3

080613-anon-1

More intimate photos here.