Just a quick update – forgive the mess around here!

Hello, friends!

I’ve been pretty devastatingly disabled for the last two and a half years, as many of you know. It’s been particularly difficult to recover because of the particular hellscape that is medical and mental health care in the United States. I’ve only recently been able to access a doctor who recognizes my ADHD and is willing to treat it – but I have to pay out of pocket to do so. In any case, whoa boy has Adderall been changing my *life*. Suddenly tasks that used to make me feel like I was drowning, feel reasonable. It’s incredible to simply be able to say “I should do laundry” and THEN I JUST DO THE LAUNDRY. What? That’s not to say I’m all better. I still struggle almost daily with depression, anxiety, long-term autistic burnout, and, yes, the ADHD as well. I feel on the upswing for the first time in two years, but I know it’s still quite a ways until I am back to my old self, and even longer before I am back to my old self AND ALSO treating and correctly accommodating for the neurodivergence I spent 41 years undiagnosed with. Undiagnosed without? That sentence was kind of a journey, and I apologize or something? haha

All that said, I have slowly been getting back to work here and in our social media spaces. I have been publishing both infoposts and Badass Bitches posts. I have been posting at Tiktok (both personal and professional stuff) and sharing some of those in reels at Instagram. And, you may notice, I’ve removed ads from this website. In truth, this was primarily because earnings have changed and it was no longer worth it to have the code all fucked up because of ads doing nothing for me, monetarily. But it’s always been a goal. I had just hoped to be more financially stable when I finally got to this place, haha I’ve also been trying to relearn how to manage the design aspect of this site, but two years of my brain being mush has apparently rotted all that I previously knew so it’s taking some time to relearn it and I apologize that things are kind of wonky for now. Wonky but functional is like my whole aesthetic.

Thanks for sticking around. I’ll soon be actively asking for submissions again. And if you happen to have sent a submission in during this time when I was not functional (but always wonky!) please be patient as I *will* get to it.

Healing from a mental health crisis without social or familial support is a long process. Thank you so much for sticking through it with me. Love to you all.

A Timeline of Fashionable Bodies

banner image for blog post A Timeline of Fashionable Bodies

This one began as a project in my Women’s Studies 102 class that I took as part of my WS minor a few years ago. We had to create a zine on a feminist topic and my group did body image (of course lol). I wound up creating this idea of a timeline showing how popular body shapes have changed over the years. I think it’s a powerful concept to keep in mind as we go through the work of learning to love, or at least accept, the bodies we live in. The idea that we could go from a curvy af Gibson Girl to a straight, skinny Flapper within just 20 years blows my mind. Because unlike clothing, one cannot change the shape of their body at will.

Before I go on, I want to just ask that you keep in mind that a body’s primary function is to serve the person who lives in it. I know it may not always serve it perfectly, or even well enough, but if you are reading this, it is serving you. It is for you to experience the world through sense. It is for you to think and learn and grow. It is for you to give and receive pleasure. It is not for others, ever. You may very well choose to share it with others in various ways (sex, pregnancy, or more). But it is always primarily for you. The fact that society has made us all believe it is meant to look a certain way is simply toxic and manipulative. And you deserve better. That’s why we’re here doing this work.

OK here we go!

banner 2 The Gibson Girl

1890s – The Gibson Girl

The “Gibson Girl” is named for Charles Dana Gibson whose illustrations made these bodies iconic. The waists were made to appear extra tiny because of the use of corsets and other illusions (1).

A Belgian actress and model, Camille won $2,000 in the early 1900’s in a contest to find a real life Gibson Girl (2).

banner 3 The Flapper

1920s – The Flapper

By the 1920s the flapper was all the rage with her straight, flat-chested, boyish figure, and short bob hairstyles.

The Gibson Girl shape was often synonymous with Suffragists (2). The flapper was also a style identified with independent women (3). What do other body shapes of different eras symbolize?

banner 4 The Sexpot

1950s – The Sexpot

To this day, we consider Marilyn Monroe to be the epitome of classic beauty and femininity with her curvy figure and blonde hair. We often try (incorrectly) to compare her size with modern sizes, or her body with modern celebrities (4).

Marilyn is remembered as a ditzy, superficial, social climber but she was actually a highly intelligent, resourceful, and independent woman who worked for equity in her industry

banner 5 The Stick Figure

1960s – The Stick Figure

Only about a decade later, we swung wildly back to straight and skinny bodies like Twiggy’s, an English teenager who became one of the first international supermodels.

Twiggy was associated with the Mods of the UK, and like all youth counterculture movements, the Mods pushed back on archaic societal ideals. Not unlike the Flappers of the 20s.

banner 6 Fitness Curves

1980s – Fitness Curves

By the 1980’s we wanted curves again, but in the decade of Jazzercize and fitness videos, women were expected to be physically fit as well. Or to appear that way, at least. Eating disorders were on the rise in the 70s and 80s (5).

banner 7 Skinny Again

1990s – Skinny Again

Bodies like Fiona Apple’s or Kate Moss’ of the 90s are often called “heroin chic” which is cringeworthy. Bodies of all sizes, shapes, colors, abilities, and in all states of health are good bodies!

Besides, heroin addiction is nothing to be flippant about!

banner 8 Gibson 2.0?

2010s – Gibson 2.0?

In the 2010s, women were expected to have extreme curves and *also* a thigh gap. What in the misogyny??

Think about how the Kardashians are percieved for their bodies. How have our attitudes towards body shapes and the women who live in them changed over the last century?

Remember that your body doesn’t exist to be viewed, but to carry you through your life.

All Bodies are Good Bodies:
fat bodies, skinny bodies, curvy bodies, straight bodies, trans bodies, disabled bodies, intersex bodies, bodies of color, tall bodies, short bodies, ALL bodies

banner 9 Sources Cited Below

Sources:
1. Chopin, Kate. “The 1900’s Answer to Barbie- the Gibson Girl.” Kate Chopin, Loyola University: New Orleans, http://people.loyno.edu/~kchopin/new/women/gibsongirl.html.

2. “The Prince Of Pilsen: The People In The Piece.” The Play Pictorial. XXII (IV): 144. August 1904. https://books.google.com/books?id=YVIZAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA3-PA144#v=onepage&q&f=false.

3. History.com Editors. “Flappers.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 6 Mar. 2018, https://www.history.com/topics/roaring-twenties/flappers.

4. Berlin, Erika. “What Dress Size Was Marilyn Monroe, Actually?” Mental Floss, Mental Floss, 30 July 2015, https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/66536/what-dress-size-was-marilyn-monroe-actually.

5. Deans, Emily. “A History of Eating Disorders.” Psychology Today, Psychology Today, 11 Dec. 2011, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201112/history-eating-disorders.

Five Fictional Girls Who Made Me Who I Am

Truly excellent female role models for young girls (or, you know, young humans) are not the priority for most storytellers in our culture. That doesn’t mean we have nobody. Generations of kids grew up with Anne Shirley of Green Gables or perhaps Meg Murray of A Wrinkle in Time. And of course I spent many years obsessively reading/playing/thinking about The Baby-Sitters Club which has several strong, capable, and complicated young women (have you seen the new Netflix reboot? It is *perfection*).

Growing up in the 1980s and 1990s I benefitted directly and massively from the second wave feminists. We don’t think about it as much as we should but less then a decade before I was born, women could not get credit cards on their own – they needed a husband to have credit. This among many other seemingly mundane little details that have shaped my life and yours.

But I also had all these incredible fictional role models to learn from and they shaped me at least as much as the feminists (and suffragists!) who paved the road for our real world rights. Fictional girls taught me that girls can do anything, that we can be leaders, that we are smart and funny and interesting just as we are. Fictional girls taught me that girls are equal to boys.

Since we are already familiar with many of the more well-known characters such as the aforementioned Meg and Anne, I wanted to go a little bit into some of the badass fictional characters you may have forgotten, or never met.

Okay. Punky Brewster is maybe not what one would call “obscure” so much. Although in my defense, when I graduated from university only a few years ago, none of my classmates had ever heard of her. I mean, that’s sort of what happens when you graduate college at 40 years old. I also got to regale them with tales of laserdiscs and typewriters. It was pretty great.

Also in my defense, I actually wrote a paper on Punky Brewster in university in 2018 (during which time I rewatched the series on YouTube). It was for my literature class on Stranger Things. College is amazing you guys.

But I digress.

Punky Brewster was maybe one of my first autistic special interests. I loved that show so much. I actually have a quite tragic story about having adult sized feet and not being able to find Punky shoes because nobody makes cool shoes for grownups. To this day I want those shoes. But in a size 10 now instead of 6 please.

I digress again. God.

So this girl taught me Punky Power. Punky Power is like Girl Power but maybe more individualized. All girls have Girl Power, but only Punky had Punky Power and only I had Bonnie Power.

Punky was a misfit right down to her mismatched socks, but she used that to her advantage. She’d approach any situation in the Punkiest way possible because she inherently knew that nobody but her could figure things out in the unique way that she could. This is something we should all work to internalize. You bring something unique to the world, to every thing you do. That is powerful magic.

If you are interested in rewatching the show yourself, I will give a general TW/CW for fat phobia. Frankly, I cannot think of a single 80’s show in which fatness wasn’t stigmatized. Seriously. It’s gross. Punky is part of that. And there are some other archaic things I’d noticed as well, but setting those aside, overall the show holds up as a feminist sitcom.

Blossom Culp was the protagonist in several of Richard Peck’s novels. I originally “met” her in this book, Ghosts I Have Been, in which she has a psychic experience of being on the Titanic and becomes a minor celebrity. Blossom is a teenager around 1915 and lives in extreme poverty with an abusive mother. But the book doesn’t dwell on any of that; for whatever that’s worth, it’s glossed over and frankly I was only vaguely aware of it as a kid (in fairness, I am an unusually unobservant human).

ANYWAY. Blossom is smart, sarcastic, clever, and kind. She’s not flowery or delicate, having no money or training in any of that. But she always has a plan to enact justice on her terms, from dressing as a ghost to spook teen boys out tipping outhouses on Halloween, to publicly humiliating a scam artist. She is not sugary sweet but she is always there helping out the downtrodden, whether or not they are alive. (Helps to be psychic when doing social work, I guess!)

I’m actually finishing up a reread of this book right now – which is why this topic is on my mind, I think. Looking back, I can see that Blossom taught me to find the humor even in darkness and to afflict the comfortable while comforting the “afflicted.” In a way, Blossom taught me the core of my social justice work.

The book holds up and is just as delightful today as it was when I first read it 30 years ago. (Stop saying “thirty years ago.”)

Okay and you’ve probably heard of Harriet M. Welsch, but I still think she’s overlooked too often among lists of Anne Shirleys and Jo Marches. I love her because she’s messy. She’s an angry and stubborn little ball of curiosity and she learns some really hard lessons through the book. She’s the kid in class that you wouldn’t have liked very much and yet the character is beloved and adored (maybe especially by those of us who were also disliked in our classes?). But she has a big heart underneath all her misdirected fire and she learns and grows from the pain she’s inflicted on those around her.

Harriet taught me persistence; she taught me that it’s okay to be messy or fiery. She also taught me that my messiness could affect those around me if I am not careful (this is a lesson I am still learning. daily).

Anastasia Krupnik was one of my very favorite fictional friends. She was a quirky and intelligent teen with a hunger for life. She spoke of having a crush on her female teacher before anyone ever talked about girl crushes. She went through a phase where she wore a black turtleneck and wrote poetry. She’d carefully place a hair across her journal to test that her parents weren’t sneaking looks (her parents were maybe one of my parenting role models, too, because they’d never dream of invading her privacy). Honestly, her whole family was quirky and warm and I wanted to move in with them. The lessons learned in the book were always full of love and were nearly always approached from an unexpected angle – they were very much an attachment parenting family before the terminology.

Anastasia taught me that quirkiness can be a gift and a talent. That problems can be solved through love and reason. That fitting in boxes isn’t necessary because YOU are already perfect in your uniqueness.

Really Rosie was probably my very first autistic special interest. I made my grandma take me to the library to check out the record (hello, I am old, from the days when you could check out vinyl from the library) and the script. I read it so much, they eventually found me my own version. This show is one that very few people I’ve met know of, but it’s a collaboration between Maurice Sendak and Carole King so I hope you are asking yourself right now why you’ve missed out on this incredible story and music all these years. If you are familiar with it, chances are it’s through either the song “Pierre” or “Chicken Soup with Rice.”

The premise is that of a bunch of neighborhood kids in New York City look up to Rosie to keep them entertained. She’s wildly theatrical and organizes the neighborhood daily into play or song, making her friends do as she wishes whether they want to or not (they usually want to). She’s a leader and an artist. She gets frustrated when her vision is hard to achieve or her friends aren’t into it at the same level she is. She’s a kid driven to direct and star, to follow her biggest dreams. She cannot be deterred, she will always find a solution to get her back on track. She’s charismatic – even when the other kids get tired of her direction, they still enjoy her and recognize she’s the center of their imaginative lives. Rosie is the source of joy and love and fire in their neighborhood.

Rosie taught me that “bossiness” is okay, that leadership looks good on a girl. She taught me to shape my life with theatre and art, to always find something joyful to do. She taught me that dreams are fire and can fuel a whole neighborhood.

Every single one of these characters helped shape me. As I’ve revisited them over the years, I can see direct lessons I took from them, that I incorporated into my life. I took these characters into my mind and soul, and shaped myself into someone full of fire and determination and spiritedness and messiness and wild love. At least as much as the women in my life, these girls were role models in which I recognized myself and saw who I could become.

Who did I leave off this list? What are your favorite femme heroes? Share in the comments below!

Let’s not “Just Be Friends”

A quick hello to my readers, and a thank you for being so patient with me as my family struggles through the worst year of our lives. I am working on slowly getting back to work here at SOAM.

Joe Biden has been elected the new president of the United States!

I hadn’t realized exactly how much the election (and the Trump presidency) had been affecting me until Saturday, which I spent crying with relief. Since then, each day has felt like I am floating. My god, it’s like the weight has been lifted (that’s a Killers lyric and I am absolutely making a Killers reference, you’re welcome).

But it’s vitally important that we not become complacent in our relief because there is much work to be done. This pandemic has shown us the weaknesses in our society that existed even before Trump – lack of access to medical care, predatory landlords, the fact that the 1% really does not give a shit about their workers, only their capital gains. We’ve also seen how deeply racism runs in this nation – this isn’t new, it’s merely awoken. We were broken before Trump and now we have a chance to fix things for now and the future and we cannot fuck this up. Or we will be back here in four more years.

It will be a lot of work.

And that work may feel uncomfortable to some of you at first because we are taught from an early age that we should work to create peace with our enemies. And that isn’t untrue; it is a noble ideal. And it works if both parties are willing to examine themselves and move forward. But that is not the reality most of the time.

It’s hard to examine ourselves. BTDT.

I’ve seen a lot of liberal folx calling for peace and love right now. I’m fully down with that!

But I want to be very clear that peace and love are not merely passive things. Peace and love don’t mean just sitting back and smiling because everything is okay. Peace and love are void if there isn’t a basis for peace and love holding them up.

Peace and love are fierce. Peace and love are the mama bear of the social justice movements. Peace and love are out there fighting for the peace and for the love of marginalized folx. I’m not Christian but I know that Jesus wasn’t out there just sitting around saying “love each other” – he was also flipping tables and hanging out with prostitutes. Love is for the ones who need it. Love fights for their peace. Love prioritizes those who are marginalized and protects them.

Love is here to comfort the afflicted. Love is here to afflict the comfortable, to help them grow and change. If they aren’t willing to do that work, they aren’t a part of the game. If they are unwilling to stop abusing, they don’t get protected. I’m here to include everyone except the excluders.

Or, in not so many words:

Now it’s time to do the dirty work. It’s time for education on racial, gender, sexuality, class, and other social issues. It’s time to shame those who refuse to move past our dark history and leave them behind in their hatred. They are always more than welcome to rejoin us when they are ready.

But here’s the thing that your family and friends who are queer, BIPOC, Disabled, and/or experiencing poverty want you to know:

as long as you are trying to “make the peace” without doing any of the work below the surface, you are not only not making peace, but you are actively upholding all these oppressive systems

demanding that marginalized folx “just be friends” is silencing

silence in the face of oppression is the side of the oppressor

if nobody calls out the racism (homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, misogyny, etc) the racism thinks it gets to say and we get another Trump in four years

allies call out racism even if it’s “ugly” or “uncomfortable”

Don’t silence marginalized communities. Just. Don’t.

Here are some resources you can donate to if you are looking for ways to help keep the momentum from the election and turn it into real social justice activism to create a better world now. (Many of these are local to San Diego, but some have national affiliates.)

San Diego Immigrant Rights Consortium
San Diego Food Bank
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
San Diego LGBT Community Center
Border Angels
Planned Parenthood
Indigenous New Hampshire -thanks to reader Rikki who wanted to add that BIPOC are the folx who made this election happen and the indigenous of Arizona are credited with flipping their state. If you’d like to learn more or donate to the people whose land you are living on, you can find which nations once flourished where you live here.

Just a quick note before I close here because I know there are some of you readers out there saying “I’m not here for politics! Get back to talking about body image!”

Body image is inherently a feminist issue.

Feminist issues are inherently political.

Every single aspect of your life, from the roads you drive on, to the access to medical care you may or may not have are decided by politics.

Identities cannot be separated from each other: because some women are Black, or disabled, or queer – feminism must also stand for those movements or else it is only for white women (and I am not here for that).

Finally, the world has become so unstable and frankly outright dangerous, that body image may need to be set aside a little bit while we focus on, say, eliminating fascism from US government. I’ll never stop talking about body image and how important it is, or all the issues associated with it, but if people are dying body image doesn’t mean much, so let’s triage the issues and get folx safe before we drop these other pressing issues.

Black Lives Matter (Anti-Racism Resources)

I’m officially back, Readers!

I apologize for not having a whole beautifully written statement on the events that have transpired here in the US and across the globe this week. I have long stood with the #BlackLivesMatter movement and I have been sharing everything I can on SOAM’s space on Facebook, so check that out for more resources including an album I am creating with various thoughts and perspectives on racism in the US.

For understanding racism more fully, including historical context:
A Timeline of Events that Led to the 2020 “Fed-Uprising” (Hint: it starts in 1619)

Ben & Jerry are not fucking around.

John Oliver killed it last night with his post on the events in the US this past week. Other timely John Oliver recommendations:
Ferguson, MO and Police Militarization
Police Accountability
Sheriffs
Confederacy

Here is a list of Ted Talks to help you understand racism in America

A list of Facebook pages to help parents discuss racism and decolonization.

Resources for protestors:
Teen Vogue killing it again: How to Safely and Ethically Film Police Violence

Broadcastify is a website that allows you to access thousands of local police scanners. I often listen to my local police when I hear a lot of sirens, but during the riot in La Mesa, CA the other night, it was especially helpful.

How to talk about racism, riots and looting, and other related topics:
Why you should stop saying “All Lives Matter” explained 9 ways.

How to respond to “Riots never solve anything!”

Affirming Black Lives Without Inducing Trauma

Tone Policing Is Just Another Way To Protect Privilege

Let me know if there is anything else I should include here. There is a lot to take in here, but I’m sure it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Keep doing the good work, readers!

Taking a Break- be back soon!

Hello, friends! As you know, I struggle with a few disabilities and illnesses. Even before this stupid pandemic, my life was already a major struggle. Right now I can only do a very few things each day and I have some personal chores that need my attention urgently. So I’m going to spend the next two or three weeks catching up on all that and then I’ll be back here again working hard for you!

I will still be active at our Facebook page, sharing memes or information. And if you’d like to help support the work I do here you can join our Patreon.

I plan to be back by May 25 and will keep you updated if that changes.

Thank you for always being so supportive and understanding!

Feminist Fridays: Don’t Miss Out on Life During Quarantine!

Before I go on, I want to share two links with you to remind you that it’s okay to not be Super Woman Productive Mom Lady during this time. This is a trauma we are living through, it’s okay to just sit and rest.

~Psychology Today says it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and be unproductive.
~The Chronicle of Higher Education says you should ignore all the coronavirus productivity pressure.

One more thing: I don’t usually get partisan here (political, yes! strictly partisan? not so much), but the United States’ president is leading us quickly into the depths of a fascism that we cannot recover from. In particular in this moment he is threatening to end the United States Postal Service which is the only way we will be able to vote him out of office come November (since this pandemic will almost certainly mean we cannot vote in person). This is perhaps the most serious moment of your life right now: we are at the precipice and we must utilize our remaining political freedoms (responsibilities!) to save the world from Donald Trump. This is that moment that precedes all those dystopian novels you love so much, but don’t want to live through. This is the moment you must act. Find your representatives here and your senators here. If that overwhelms you, check out ResistBot – you can lay in bed nearly catatonic and contact your representatives via text! But whatever you do, please do something.

Okay and here’s the real topic: how to not miss out on life during this time.

A few weeks ago Angie from Mid Drift Movement and I did a livestream together on Facebook (we will be doing these more regularly very soon!) and something we talked about struck this idea in my head that I think is very relevant: we idealize middle adulthood as the absolute epitome of the human experience. Think about it: we ask children what they want to be when they grow up, we talk about who they’ll marry when they grow up, their whole lives are basically about achieving adulthood. Older people romanticize their pasts and talk about when they were young. We sell beauty products to women to keep them looking forever 30 (even though they will still only admit to turning “29 again”). We absolutely worship the idea of our own middle-adult lives.

What this means is that lots of women get stuck waiting. Waiting to be a certain weight is probably one of the biggest things we wait for. We avoid bathing suits, perhaps avoid pools or beaches entirely. We put our lives on hold, limiting our own enjoyment for the time being, waiting for the day when we finally have a body we are happy with.

But here’s the thing: life is happening right now.

Children aren’t waiting for life to begin – life is happening now! Older adults aren’t merely remembering their lives – they are living them!

I think this quarantine is a really good time to reflect back on this. We aren’t waiting for quarantine to be over for life to begin again – we are living life right now!

Take some moments to be mindful each day, to be in the moment. Hold in one hand all your blessings that come with this pandemic – perhaps you are able to get enough sleep finally, or perhaps you have found new and creative ways to connect with people and that fills you up. In the other hand, acknowledge all the challenges. Sit with all that for a few minutes. Just accepting and acknowledging that this is life. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s hard. But be in the moment and remember that life is constant and we aren’t waiting for anything.

So this week be in your life as it happens and next week I’ll talk about how we can use this time to dig into why we choose to present ourselves the way we do (i.e. if you never had to leave your house again – how would you choose to dress? would it be different than how you dress now?).

Stay safe, friends.