Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

1 month after twins, born at 35 weeks 3 days (Jacoba)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surrogacy, Toxemia, Twins 18 Comments

I had my son in 2008, and shortly after decided that I would pursue my dream of helping an infertile couple have a child. I met a wonderful couple in November, and by March 2009 we had contracts signed, and were moving ahead to transfer day! We transferred two embryo’s in May, (not my genetics) which resulted in a twin pregnancy. Twenty weeks later they found out they were expecting two girls! At the end of December 2009, I began to experience a severe headache, which eventually led to experiencing vision problems. I called 911, as my husband was out of town, and was on my way to the hospital shortly after. I was quickly diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and rushed in for an emergency c-section. Unfortunately the parents were not able to make it there on time, but they met their little ones shortly after.

I’m currently 5 weeks out from the c-section, and feeling pretty good. The incision still hurts when my little guy bounces on me, but I’m more or less back to daily activities. I think I was vacuuming a week and a half after, so I really didn’t have much ‘recovery’ time. I guess that’s to be expected when you have a little one at home! :)

The pictures really don’t do my stretch marks justice. They appear a bit darker in person. Although I had expected much worse in terms of sagging skin and stretch marks, I’m still pretty disappoint at the ‘overhang’ created above my scar. I’m REALLY hoping it somehow disappears :D

~Your Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies and 3 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 17 month old, and 1 month old surro twins

Description of the pics:
#1- Less then 12 hours after c-section
#2- Less then 12 hours after c-section
#3- 3 days after c-section
#4- 5 weeks post scar
#5- 5 weeks post scar
#6- 5 weeks post

A Hard Road, but Worth Every Second (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

I have struggled with an eating disorder in various forms since I was 15, and cannot remember a time when I didn’t feel fat. During a period of relative sanity I had my son, at 19 (maybe that’s not very sane, in retrospect). The pregnancy was great and he is a wonderful nearly-8-year-old, but after… I was huge. And by huge I mean a size 8… Yeesh. I was actually a bit chubby- I’m a tiny person by nature, I’m a size 2 and have been eating normally for almost 3 years- but at 5’2 I’m healthy. Anyway, after I had my son I had about a 5 year blur or starving, binging, and purging- which was something I had never done before. I lost a job because of it (apparently eating disorders are terribly obvious to medical personnel; nursing work might have been a dumb idea…), and at one point I almost lost my husband, who I have been with since I was 15. One morning in early 2007, I physically could not get out of bed. I had purged ANYTHING I ate for an entire week prior- no nutrition at all for 7 days. I decided I HAD to stop, because being an invalid was not what I had set out to do… 2 months or so later, I got my period back… and the next month I became pregnant with my daughter. I was thrilled and terrified. I HAD to eat normally, I couldn’t live with myself if harmed my baby! And so I did. I had terrible morning sickness, and couldn’t wait for 12 weeks to come around. But twelve weeks got here and it only got worse. I’m not sure I went one day without vomiting. In some strange Irony, the one time I was TRYING to keep everything down, I couldn’t! At that time, I had a part time, weekend job at a music store where, aside from the owner, I was the only employee. At 15 weeks, I was going about my duties when I got sick. Nothing too unusual. So I tried to drink some water to settle my poor tummy.. and couldn’t stop throwing up. I had to call the store owner, close the store, and wait for my best friend to come pick me up- no way I could drive, my husband was on a job about 2 hours away. I get to the hospital, where I am just vomiting spit. They wouldn’t listen to anything I said. ‘Are you bleeding’ noooo… ‘we think you have a tubal pregnancy’ but Im 15 weeks- something would have ruptured long ago if that were true. ‘I’m pretty sure you aren’t 15 weeks’ JUST DO A FREAKIN’ ULTRASOUND ALREADY!!! all the while I’m STILL puking! finally, they do the ultrasound, and what do ya’ know, I’m right. No tubal pregnancy- just a perfectly healthy, squirmy 15 week old fetus. They gave me some IV fluids and anti-emetics, and sent me on my way, assuring me I was having a ‘rough pregnancy’ and this probably wouldn’t happen again. I was still puking nearly daily, but I was ok, save for my hubby’s birthday when we found out her sex, went out for a celebratory dinner where I destroyed the bathroom… It was tolerable for a few more weeks when I had a repeat of the ER incident, at least this time they gave me prescriptions for anti-emetics and painkillers. About 3 weeks before she was born, it happened again, only my Promethazine had stopped working and they had to give me some sort of cocktail of drugs normally given to people with cancer. I apparently had NO immune system left after all this and developed the worst bronchitis ever. Between the puking and coughing there were times I thought I might die and almost didn’t care. I have never felt that awful before or since. While I was waiting on my prescription to be filled, I went into labor. AT THE STORE! The Dr. knew my last labor was 4 hours, so I was scheduled to be induced… the next day! I didn’t have a phone with me, so I drove home. We drove like crazy and 15 minutes after we got to the hospital I was holding the sweetest baby girl! Suffice it to say, I have had no desire to vomit since then, and I have been eating normally ever since. She just turned 2 and is giving me kisses as I write this. I have never been happier!!!

Pictures:
both my sweet babies
the finished product!
me at 7 months- I never made it into maternity pants
me today- still small, but not skeletal!

Feeling Confident (Jill)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

Age: 32
2 pregnancies
Children aged 5 years & 8 years

I had my first child at 24. Before becoming pregnant I weighed about 140 lbs. I gained 67 lbs. during that pregnancy. Before my second birth (27 years old) I had lost all of the weight plus some and got down to 136 lbs. During the second pregnancy I gained 76 lbs. Over the past five years I have fluctuated between 135 and 170 but spent the most time hovering around 140-145.

I am now 32 and have gotten down to 130 lbs. As much as this number seems reasonable, my body is so very different than before. My breasts are smaller and droopier, obviously there are many stretch marks, my thighs are much bigger, my hips are wider, and my belly skin is wrinkly.

My husband, who is very complimentary of my body, just bought me a bikini for the summer. I love the suit and really want to wear it. I also, however, want to feel confident in it and not self-conscious. I can, for the most part, deal with the stretch marks as they more closely remind me of my precious babes. They also aren’t as defined as they seem to look in the pictures. My biggest concerns, however, are my love handles and the wrinkly skin under my belly button. I just cannot seem to get it to tighten up – is it possible? Hoping to feel confident by June!

Mother of 4….soon to be 5! (Amy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

I am a young mother of many. I am currently pregnant with my 5th child, though this is my 6th pregnancy. My oldest child is only 6 years old, so in the last roughly 7 years my body has been through a lot. However, my body makes me so proud, because I have 4 beautiful children to show for it. I am currently 5 months pregnant with my 4th son. My pregnancies are always very easy, though I did have two preemies. I have always enjoyed being pregnant, I think it is the most beautiful thing a woman can do and I count myself lucky to have been able to experience it, as I know there are many women out there who never have the chance.

– I am including 3 pictures from my last pregnancy (not the current one) 1) me at 5 weeks pregnant 2) me at 38 weeks pregnant (days before delivery of my 9 lber) and 3) me 1.5 weeks post partum after my 4th child is born, a boy 9 lbs 3 oz.

-I am currently 29 years old and will be when I deliver baby #5
– I have had 6 pregnancies, 4 live births, 2 full term, 2 premature, 1 miscarriage, 1 still baking
– My children are 6, 4.5, 3.5, and 1 year old. I am 5 months pregnant now.

FYI – Comment Approvals and Tummy Tucks

Bonnie (SOAM) News 31 Comments

I will no longer be approving comments that suggest the poster should consider a tummy tuck unless the poster has specifically requested to discuss the subject. PLEASE note that I am not judging any woman who may choose to get one – I have not walked in her shoes, and I like to believe that women are not judging the choices I may make, so I make a point never to make judgments about people who are not me. I will also not limit discussion on the topic and, as always, I will post any submissions I receive (unless they are simply inappropriate – but that’s happened maybe 3 times in the 3 1/2 years I’ve been doing this). I just ask that, when we are trying to lift up our sisters here, we do so without mentions of major cosmetic surgery. Let’s focus on the beauty that already exists within each of our shapes – this is, after all, the only way we can truly change the world.

Hating my new body, but loving my daughter. Teen mom. (Lindsey)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 36 Comments

Age- 17
First pregnancy and first birth to my daughter.
Cesarean (couldn’t dialate past a 6)

Hey everyone, my name is Lindsey. First off I want to say I love this website, and everyone on it who shared their stories… I had to debate if I wanted to post my story on here because I was scared to for the longest time, but everyone’s stories made me feel like I could do it too.

I was 16 when I got pregnant, and 17 when I had my daughter. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, he tells me that he loves me for me, but it is really hard for me to accept it.. Through out my whole pregnancy I was doing great, I didnt have morning sickness and I wasn’t moody, I was a happy pregnant person, until 32 weeks came around.. I noticed a tiny stretch mark on my butt, I was worried and I started freaking out, but then I got over it because there was nothing I could do about it.. Days started passing and more stretch marks started to appear.. I am now covered in stretch marks, I have them on my butt, my boobs, my stomach, the front of my thighs, the back of my thighs, the back of my calves, theyre everywhere… My nipples have gotten huge and dark, and my boobs are like pancakes now. I can’t help but be upset about it because I feel disgusting. I have the most difficult time looking in the mirror and I cry every time I see myself naked. I hated my body before I was pregnant, but now I miss it more then anything in this world.. I go to sleep crying, I wake up crying, I just can’t stop crying, I’m crying right now just writing about it.. I feel so unnatractive and I feel like if me and my boyfriend ever split up I’ll never find a man who will think I’m sexy. I mean why would a guy want to be with me when there is other girls out there who don’t have the type of body I have.. Like, I’d feel like if they were with me, they’d always have that thought in the back of their head of being with a girl who’s more fit and doesnt have stretch marks.. So I feel like if a guy ever calls me beautiful, or sexy, he’s just lieing. I don’t think Id ever be comfortable in any relationship with those thoughts in the back of my head, which would eventually cause the guy to leave me because he’s tired of me complaining about it. My boyfriend gets upset when I talk to him about it too, because I ALWAYS feel like he’s lieing to me, because I know Im ugly and my body is disgusting.. I could ramble on for hours about that subject, I just want people to understand what Im saying.. I weighed 145 before I got pregnant, and then weighed 190 at the end of my pregnancy, and now I weigh 168. I dont even feel like exercising or anything to go back to my normal weight because what’s the point in losing weight if I’m never going to feel good about myself? Has anyone else felt like this, I feel alone.. I dont think I’ll ever be happy with myself. I love being a mom and I love my daughter more then anything in this world, but I feel so nasty when it comes to myself and the way I look… Someone please help me accept this…

1st picture- Before I got pregnant.
2nd- Me 4.5 weeks post partum (I’m 5+ weeks right now, but look the same).
last- My daughter Nova who was born on December 23rd, 2009. Picture was taken on Christmas at the hospital right before we went home.
I would’ve taken more pictures of myself then what I did but I couldnt because I’m to embarrassed..
These pictures dont even do any justice of what I look like in real life.. =[

Updated here.

28, and still coming to grips with my new body (M)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 11 Comments

My pre-birth weight was about 140, and I am 5′ 9″. I am a former athlete that was used to a typical body weight of 160-165, so the loss of almost 20 lbs in muscle mass was a huge loss in dress sizes as well as curves. I was pretty used to be a little on the curvy and muscular side. Losing that much mass (due to being a vegan for nearly 8 months; don’t ask). When I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant, I started asking my midwife’s assistant to stop saying my weight out loud when I got weighed, and would routinely turn the other direction when she took my weight. I felt completely healthy, and I didn’t like that they would occasionally make a comment about how much I had gained. I do estimate that I was about 205 when I gave birth. And trust me; it was ALL baby.

I’d like to say that I was much happier with my body before my son was born, but the truth is that I never really was. I look back on that now and remember what it was like to have a stretchmark-free stomach, and regret not relishing the shape of my body while I still had it.

When I was pregnant with my son, I was completely happy the bigger I got with him. I loved the fullness of being pregnant, and relishing the fact that I was totally without any stretching, until I hit 7 months, when I noticed a little cluster above my pelvic region, and that’s when I, much like many other women, completely panicked. It wasn’t long before I realized that there was now no way to stop the inevitable, and luckily I was able to keep from really paying much mind to them, because they were below my belly button, which was over the proverbial hill, where I couldn’t see them.

It wasn’t until after my son was finally born and my stomach deflated that I saw for the first time all the angry red striations all over my belly. It was in the weeks after my son was born that it really sunk in for me how much my body had changed, and how I was most likely never going to be the same.

I spent a lot of the next months avoiding looking directly at myself in the mirror, or really looking at myself the way I used to, almost like it was someone else I was looking at.

I was positively elated when I fond this site, that, like me, the mothers of the world were stretched and a bit saggy, and all finding ourselves trying to come to terms with how much things are different, and what we’ve had to give up for our children.

Each of the stories I have read have been beautiful and inspiring, which is why I chose to share mine as well. Though it’s nothing specific, and sometimes a thing I don’t have to focus on, just the knowledge that both my overly-bloated stomach (which, I confess; I suck in 70% of the time I’m in public and can’t get away with letting it hang out), and my droopy breasts happened because I had my son, comforts me. My boyfriend, who’s never seen me without my mother’s body, still thinks my body is beautifully shaped, and we enjoy being physical together, I have to admit that I am looking forward to a time in the future (which I hope will be near, and not far!), when I am able to slim down a bit more on the weight I put on during my pregnancy.

You may also choose to include:
~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, resulted in 1 live birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12 months (as of 1/29/2010)

My Body Take 3 (Emma)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Child Loss, Ectopic, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 14 Comments

I don’t think I have much to say, I am 22 years old and have three gorgeous sons, Jacob age 5 years, Benjamin age 3 years and Arthur who is 8 days old :-) Here I am with the youngest at 8 days post-partum. I felt incredibly empowered and attractive when I took these photos, and I chose not to edit them at all. You can see stretch marks from all three pregnancies on my stomach, hips and breasts, and surgery scars from the ectopic pregnancy. Also featured are self-harm scars from my teenage years. It took me a long time to love my body like this, but I wouldn’t have it any other way now.

Starting to Accept My New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 months post partum

After two miscarriages I finally have my beautiful baby! Throughout pregnancy I loved my new body and was amazed watching it grow. I was lucky, I didn’t have stretch marks and I didn’t gain much extra weight. I was genuinely happy with the way I looked for the first time ever and enjoyed the special feeling of knowing that I was carrying a special, secret little person inside my big bump.

All that changed when I had my daughter.

After what many would class as an ‘unnecessary’ (or at the very least ‘premature’) caesarian I struggled to bond with my daughter, I struggled to accept the birth that she had had and struggled to come to terms with the difference in my body. I think the fact that I hadn’t given birth to her myself made the whole idea very abstract: to suddenly go from a pregnant belly with squirming baby inside to jelly belly and all of a sudden I am handed this baby. Well it was hard to accept. To top it off I suddenly woke up with stretch marks. Not only on my hips but on my breasts! That one blindsided me.

Four months on and I feel I have made some progress. I have always had small breasts so breastfeeding has been a real bonus – “nature’s boob job” someone called it and how right they are! In these photos I have just fed my daughter but they are normally a good size bigger. I am pleased to have a bit more curve to my top half.

I am not so upset with my figure. I have always carried a little extra fat (I was a UK12 pre-pregnancy and am a UK14 now) but I can usually hide the flab under my clothing. I even went on holiday recently and wore a bikini (although I did feel extremely self conscious in it).

The scar has healed better than I thought it would but it is still an ugly reminder of the way things went, but it is also proof that I have conceived and nurtured an incredible little life inside me for 9 months. It is hard to accept my body. I was no racing snake before but it is still a big change and hard to come to terms with. But my husband has been amazing and makes me feel just as sexy as when we first started going out. He has helped my self confidence and self esteem no end!

As for bonding, I am still waiting for someone to knock on the door and tell me “it’s all a big joke, you have to give her back now!”. I hope it never happens and I am constantly amazed at this incredible little person that we have created together.

I happened across this website by chance and I am so glad I did. I immediately wanted to participate. I wasn’t shy about showing off my pregnant body (not to this extent I hasten to add!) but I was still very hesitant. I thought about doing ‘underwear shots’ but then decided I would bare all and go for the full monty! And how liberating! I have never ever taken nude photos of myself before and I am so glad I did. If my stretch marks, love handles and podgy bits make other ladies feel even a little bit better about themselves then I am glad I did it. Thank you!!

Photos attached are at 33 weeks pregnant and 4 months (18 weeks) post partum.

New Baby, Same Body (Kyra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 27
Months Postpartum: 5

I’ve been planning on this post for over a year. I visited this site frequently, before, during and after my pregnancy. I love reading all your stories. There is something I can relate to in each one. I think us women should remember that we are more alike than we are different. So I am honored to be able to share my baby/mommy story with others.

My husband and I became pregnant with our first daughter in November 2008. Naturally, it was one of the best days of my life. The first 14 weeks were a real nail-biter because I had had a miscarriage July 2008 at 12 weeks. During the first trimester I had daily ‘afternoon’ sickness. I’d have to veer my Jeep off the road coming home from work, swing open the door and, well, you know! Needless to say, I actually lost a few pounds. When that passed, I ate ravenously for the next 6 weeks or so and gained 20 pounds stat. My weight gain, and appetite stabilized for the remainder of my pregnancy and I gained about 1lb a week until the last three weeks when I gained nothing. The total was 35lbs on my 5’4″ frame.

I didn’t try to control anything during my pregnancy. I decided to let my body dictate what it wanted. I ate when I was hungry and went out for a walk when I felt like it (which was not very often :-). There was no exercise or nutrition regime. I tend to eat healthier anyways though I still indulged my cravings for Ben and Jerry’s and Cheetos. Two words to describe my pregnancy : sick and tired.

My sweet baby girl was born after 7.5 hours of labor. I labored for 5 hours at home and by the time we got to the hospital I was 10cm and ready to go. Trust me, that wasn’t planned. I didn’t expect my first pregnancy to progress that fast. I thought I had a good 14-16 hours or so! The nurses were debating having me deliver in triage. But my husband made them wheel me to a suite, which was a good thing because I spent the next 2 hours pushing. No progress! And NO medication! Mercifully, the attending doctor gave me the option of a forceps delivery which I readily accepted. When her head crowned, it was the most intense pain I have ever felt! No wonder they call it the ‘ring of fire’ :-) But it WAS kind of spiritual in a way and I’m glad it was there. A few minutes later my beautiful baby daughter Anna was born at 5lbs 15oz. I was on a ‘baby high’ for the next few weeks I was so happy! I honestly didn’t even get the baby blues.

I never got her to latch on without a nipple shield (&other reasons) so an Ameda double pump was my best friend for the next 3 months. I had to use nipple pads from the 4th month of pregnancy until I stopped breast feeding – leaking sucked. By the way, my breasts are not as perky as the sports bra in my ‘after’ picture makes them seem. I wish. That’s my biggest post-pregnancy body change.

At 3 months, after I switched to formula, I lost another 10lbs. Also around that time I began to lose my hair at a pretty alarming rate. I do have super long hair which is probably why it seemed so bad. But it has recently begun to taper off. Phew!

I love my daughter sooooo much! I never gave her a pacifier so she sucks on her ring&middle finger to soothe herself. She started sleeping through the night from 7pm-7am around 3 months and is eating 1st foods. I am so proud of her! I give her baths in the tub with me and she’d rather play with her shampoo bottle and the silver tub hardware, than her toys. She is such a joy! We definitely plan to have another child in a few years – I’ll keep you updated!

The 1st and 2nd pictures were taken at my 6th week, when I found out I was pregnant: 110 lbs, C-cup
The 3rd and 4th pictures were taken at my 38th week, a few days before I gave birth. You can really see the weight on my face and my wedding rings didn’t fit so they are around my neck: 145 lbs, D-cup
The 5th and 6th pictures were taken 1/29/2010, about 5 months postpartum: 105 lbs, small C-cup
The 7th and 8th pictures were taken when my daughter was 3 months old.