Loving What Is (Anonymous)

I am a sexual abuse victim. I lost a baby at 16 weeks when I was only 16 years old. I have had many years of self loathing. I can still here the ridiculing comments that were made about my body. I was ugly,dirty,the defect. When I saw what other women looked like

I drew this illusion that I was in fact the defective one. How is one to heal from something like this? When I became pregnant the second time I gained 80 pounds and was 218 and stretched my skin out everywhere. It took me a year but I lost most of that weight only to become pregnant shortly after. With my third child I gained 45 pounds plus the 20 that I still hadn’t lost. Again this took my another year but I lost the weight and got back down under my pre- pregnancy weight of 140. By this time I felt like I was completely ruined. Whose body was this? It is not mine? I hated myself completely. Then I found myself pregnant again for the fourth time. This time I only gained 35 pounds. I lost it quickly. I now run 2 miles everyday. I am doing this for me and me only. It has taken a long time and I am still working on it but I am now comfortable with my body. I can look in the mirror and say “Wow you are amazing,beautiful and you have given birth to three beautiful children.”

I remember that I am not this body. This is not who I am. I am the spirit that lives inside. I can shine through this body and make it radiate with energy. I am the woman that sings to my children , I am the girl that runs out in the rain and plays, I am me and I have to except that . Love yourself. You are what is important.

Age:27
Number of pregnancies and births : 4
Ages of children: 8,5,2

I wish I wasn’t so ashamed of my body (Anonymous)

Age:31
# of pregnancies and birth: 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
My child is now 4 years old.

I became pregnant and gave birth to a handsome boy at the age of 26. As much as I adore and cherish my son, the scars left on my body haunt me till this day. I’ve always suffered with poor body image. I’m a black women without any curves and that’s very unattractive in my culture. I am single and I’m lonely because I’m afraid to show anyone my body. The last person I dated walked away because I had a hard time being intimate and would not take my clothes off….instead I had sex with my shirt on and I would not let him touch me for fear of feeling how small my breast were and how terrible my skin felt with the stretch marks. I really believed that by 31 I would have outgrown these fears but as I age they become more real and harder for me deal with.
However, today is a new day and I’m tired of feeling like damaged goods. Showing my pictures today will be the first start in liberating myself. This is me and if I don’t start loving me, how can I expect anyone else to?

The photos of me on my side and my back are my least flattering positions

Hoping to love myself again (Anonymous)

~Age:26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies (3 c-sections)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Children ages 7, 2 and 8.5 months

Some days I look in the mirror and see my reflection somewhat of a positive way. “The stretch marks and skin aren’t that bad after all,” I say to myself, “maybe with just a little more time things will get better.” Then there are the other days…the days when I look at my reflection and feel disgusting. The days that I can’t understand how my husband would ever think that I am beautiful. My husband tells me all the time that I am but I’m not sure that I believe him when he says it. Part of me feels like he is just saying it out of pity, to somehow try to make me feel better. I fear that deep down he really feels like I do about it….disgusted. I hate it when my husband touches my stomach and I am always thinking of how I can position myself so that my stomach doesn’t seem to sag so much. I worry that my husband will find someone else….someone more beautiful….someone less “used”. I know that I shouldn’t feel “used”…I brought three beautiful children into this world and my body let me do that, which is a completely amazing thing but that is how I feel. I feel envious of those who are able to bear children without as much as a mark on them afterwards. I worry because I am not the same person (physically) that my husband fell in love with and I am afraid that he will fall out of love with me. I want to be confident and happy with my body but I’m not. I want to be proud of it and what it has done and not feel that I need to hide behind bulky clothes and shapewear, but I am nowhere near that place. The idea of a tummy tuck is always in my mind. The thought that somehow if my stomach would be flat I would be happy… I could deal with the stretch marks….there is nothing I can do about them anyways. I used to be so confident…thought that I was pretty when I looked at myself in the mirror. Now I don’t feel any of that. I used to like when I got noticed…and now I just try to blend into the background…hoping that no one will catch a glimpse of me. I don’t want to feel this way and I want to be happy with that I have. I don’t want my daughter to grow up and think that she has to fit the world’s ideals of being beautiful and most of all I don’t want her to feel like me. I hope to get there someday…a place where I am at peace with myself and my “mom” body…a place where I don’t have a daily struggle with the mirror…a place where my body is not always on my mind…a place where I am comfortable. Until then I will continue what I am doing…sucking in….shapewear….baggy shirt and fading into the background…

Picture 1 and 2: Me now 8.5 months postpartum with baby number 3.
Picture 3: Me pregnant 38.5 weeks with baby number 3.

My son played a few tricks on me (J.D.)

My story starts in March 2007 when i decided to move to another country and start a new life. I was bored of my life, my job, my city and i felt very lonely and depressed. It was a great choice as i started on a new path with lots of joy and happiness. I managed to get a job a week after moving abroad and i met the father of my son at work. We knew each other, but never talked until one day when he had to supervise my team and he invited me to a pub. We started going out a lot but i thought he only wanted to be friends. That was happening in September 2007. On the October 31 2007 something happened and i missed the last night bus – the stop was in front of his house – so he didn’t let me walk home. I spent the morning in his house eating spaghetti and watching family guy. this is how we started our relationship. In May 2008 we moved in together and in November i told him that i want a family as i am getting old – we were 31 at the time. He always loved children but i didn’t think about having any until i met him. He was very happy to ear that and we started working on it. On January 26 2009 i was at work and didn’t feel very well. I went to the pharmacy with my friend and bought a pregnancy test. Didn’t wait to go home and had it in the toilet at work. I knew i was pregnant, i just needed the confirmation. I sent a text to my bf and he called straight away. He was extremely happy and when i went home that evening he couldn’t stop kissing me and hugging me and making plans. My pregnancy was great. I was a bit nauseous the first weeks but it went away in the second trimester. I walked everyday and tried to be active but i put on lots of weight. I was 117 the summer before getting pregnant, 124 when i got pregnant and 172 when i went to the hospital for the induction. My son was very comfy in my huge belly and he was 12 days overdue. I felt like i couldn’t carry my belly anymore when i went to the hospital on October 12 and they told me that i had to come back on the 14th as there weren’t any free beds…I cried and i went back to the hospital on the 14th. The induction started at 11 but nothing happened. I had contractions but i wouldn’t dilate. It went on like that till the next morning at 9 when i had been given another pill and i started being in agonizing pain. I had to be on a monitor for 1 hour then they moved me to the labour room when i was given an epidural even though i was only 2 cm dilated. After that i was given oxitocin and started to dilate. The epidural would finish after about 2 hours and i would have to wait 20 minutes in horrible pains for the nurse to come give me another dose. I was very lucky to have my bf with me all the time. At 5 pm i felt like i needed to push and called the doctor. I was 9 cm dilated but my son has moved up and he was in distress. The chief of the clinic was called and after he examined me he told me that there is no way i can give birth naturally so i needed an emergency c section if i wanted my son to live. I signed the paper straight away and in 2 minutes i was hurried to the OR. I didn’t even had time to say “love you” to my bf…I was very scared and was shaking, my bf had tears in his eyes…The last thing i remember is having my belly covered in something orange. I woke up a few hours after that in a room with lots of monitors and beeping machines and people going around…I had 2 iv lines in my left arm and 1 line in my right arm. A very nice nurse told me that i need some blood as something happened during the surgery and i lost lots of blood. I was terrified for a second but she told me that my baby was ok and i was going to see him in few minutes. I managed to drink some water and felt so happy that everything was fine. I saw my son that night at 9 and i was the happiest I’ve ever been. On the 19th we went home and started our life as a little family as i like to call us.
I didn’t get stretch marks during pregnancy, but i have this scar to remind me how lucky i was to be living in these days and in a country with great doctors. My son was 8 pounds 7 oz at birth and after birth i found out that it would have been impossible for me to give birth naturally as my son was too big for my pelvis. My only issue is the fat that i still have on my belly, bottom and legs. I am 137 pounds now and would like to go back to the weight i had pre-pregnancy. It’s hard but i hope spring it’s going to help me. If i won’t loose the weight and even put on more – i want to have another child fairly soon – i won’t be very upset because my son is more precious and important than my image.
Believe in you and feel confident. Health and happiness are more important than a flat stomach or flawless skin. Enjoy your babies!

~Your Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Finn is 4 month, 1 week and 3 days old

pics description ;

1. me and my bf summer 2008
2. 28 weeks pregnant
3. 41+5 the day my son was born
4. Finn 2 days old
5. The day we left the hospital – 4 days after birth
6,7,8,9 my belly today 4month, 1 week and 3 days after birth

38 Weeks Pregnant, Not Sure What to Expect (Georgia)

24 years old, First pregnancy

I have been coming to this site for a few weeks now, and everyones stories have been very encouraging. When I got pregnant, I was 5’5” and 158 pounds. I am currently at 180 pounds. So only gained 22 pounds. But I have always really like my body, especially my stomach. Ive never been a “skinny” girl, But I embraced my “Hour glass” figure proudly. I put off pregnancy, and was planning to put it off as long as I could because I was so afraid of what would happen to my body. But then I got married and knew I wanted a child with my amazing husband as soon as possible. Seems so selfish and stupid now, but Im still fearing how my tummy and breasts will look postpartum. My breasts went from a small c to a double d in about a month.. they dont even look like my own anymore. My husband tells me everyday, about 10 times a day that Im still a “hottie” and still beautiful, but of course it doesnt sink in. I plan on breastfeeding, and working out as soon as my doctor gives me the ok, and eating well has never been a problem. I have a few stretchmarks so far… Im not too concerned with them, as long as I dont erupt in them terribly in the next two – three weeks. I know I will never look exactly the same, but its scary NOT knowing how my body will look the weeks, and months following my sons birth. Does/did anyone else feel this way? . (The one in the bikini holding hands is pre baby, the one on the bed is 2 months pregnant, animal print is 28 weeks, bare belly is 38 weeks.)

Updated here, here and here.

It Has Taken Time (Anonymous)

This is such a wonderful place for mothers to come! I recently stumbled upon this place while I was searching on facebook for different groups, and I am so so glad I did!

I have honestly always had body issues… I don’t know if it was learned from my mother, or from the society we are living in these days. Looking back I can see how silly I was, how could I have ever comlplained about the youthfull body I had? Crazy as it is I find myself doing the same thing now. It seems it is an everyday battle for me… certain days I defeat the doubt and shame I feel about the stretched out skin, leftover weight and oh of course those stretchmarks. Other days I let the mirror and my lack of self-esteem get the best of me. So ten years from now I wonder if I will be looking back again and thinking how silly I was to complain ( Probably will! haha).

I was married at 21 years old. My husband is an active duty Marine and was deployed twice within the first 3 years of our marriage… We finally got pregnant two months after he returned from his second deployment, I was 24. I had no idea what was in store for me! My mother has always been very slender and I thought I would take after her and only gain about 20 lbs during my pregnancy and bounce right back. Well it started off well… no morning sickness, nothing but the minor aches here and there and a lot of swelling during the end of the pregnancy. I turned 25 during my 7th month. Then ate my way through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years LOL. My due date came and went. I was finally induced at almost 42 weeks!! The day I was induced they weighed me in at 198 lbs (When I found out I was pregnant I was at 140 lbs). Well, my son and I didn’t do well with Pitocin and so there was an emergency c-section. The week I came home was interesting to say the least. I remember asking my Mom a few times if the flap of skin hanging over my incision would be permanent.. I was so scared! She told me not to worry, but I was still horrified at how I looked.

I have often described myself as an optimistic person, but wasting so much on doubting myself and concentrating on negative things is totally not being an optimistic person. It is a struggle no doubt… but I think I am coming closer and closer to being at peace with my post baby body. It has been 2 years and 2 months since my wonderful perfect amazing son was born and I would have never imagined it would have taken this long to start feeling more like myself and more comfortable with who I am today. I still have an extra 10 lbs of preggo weight… I still have the stretchmarks, although they have continued to very slowly fade. My c-section scar has lightened… and I have gained back some muscle tone after starting a workout plan.

Motherhood has taught me so many things already, and to think of the many years I have ahead :) A big thank you to all the ladies who have posted their stories and shared their feelings.. it really has helped me feel like I am not alone. Here are a few pictures I took yesterday. My stretchmarks are tricky… every single angle they will appear different… sometimes in the right light you can’t see them… sometimes they look pink… sometimes silver or white, they are such funny things. I used to have such intense hatred for them, but I have gotten better at accepting them. When I bend over my “skin apron” appears. I have a wrinkle under my bellybutton, especially when I suck in my tummy. I have an old scar on my hip which blends in pretty well with the larger stretchmarks LOL. With all that said… I have to remind myself that along with those “imperfections” I have been given the most precious gift in the world, my son.

Updated here.

Twin Skin… 4 babies in less than 4years (Jane)

I married a wonderful man and we were excited to start our family relatively quickly. First baby was a healthy, full term girl.
I was quite sure that I had done well to stay in a healthy range, after all, I had always been slim and I believed, based on my genetics that pregnancy would be no different.
My baby came out smaller than average, but perfectly healthy however when I looked in the mirror after the birth I was surprised to find that nothing looked the same. There were stretch marks and a flabby distended stomach that seemed far too large considering the baby that had just exited it.
I chose to cover it all up and think about it at a later date. I had much better things to do, like enjoy being a mother.
I didn’t worry about the weight, and I happily breast fed for 14months. When I stopped the weight had (almost) all dissapeared (somewhere in the 14mths it happened but it was so gradual I couldn’t pin point when).

We tried for number 2 at about this time, hoping to have a 2yr gap between babies. Hah, the best laid plans….
I took a test and it was negative, then after some tears (hormonal, no doubt) and a few more days I took another test. It was positive. I suffered through another severe round of morning sickness and begged for a scan at 13weeks to check on the baby.
When the lady first looked at the screen her face went blank and she turned off all the moniters. Turning to us with a serious face I braced myself for the news ‘there is no baby’… instead she said ‘ Are there twins in the family?’ I am not sure if I will ever forget the feelings that flooded me then, excitement, terror, joy and disbelief. I had no idea I was having twins…. what happened to the two year plan?!
Being a bit of a panicker, I prepared for the inevetible premature births and researched survival rates compulsively but despite all my worrying, I found myself at Full term DEMANDING to be induced!! I no longer could breathe, eat or sleep and I felt my stomach was about to pop at the seams… quite literally it was already starting. The network of stretch marks were like a huge doughnut around my belly button. I looked like I was trying to smuggle a watermellon under my shirt…. one of those big oval ones.

So via C-section I delivered two perfect babies, a boy and girl. I fed them for 4months and then had to swap to formula for sheer exhaustion and sleep deprivation- remembering that I had a toddler too.
Somehow I survived this period, and then when life became a little easier I felt the desire to have another. The twins were 19months when I had our 4th baby (an all natural birth, (VBAC). He was the most wonderfully easy baby and we now feel that we have our complete family, 2boys, 2 girls. They are wonderful, but ever since the birth of the twins my stomach has hung like a balloon that was blown up too big, then left to deflate behind a couch.
I returned to my pre-baby weight a year ago, but the more weight I lose, the more the skin on my stomach looks like an 90yr old mans face.

I do love my body… dressed, I appreciate far more than I did when I was young, but the stomach is too much!
I have posted pics to share with the world, so that others can see that this is what mothers do for their beautiful children!
After all, you would expect a well lived in home to show the footprints of its fellow residents… my tummy shows that 4 little people lived there! (and two of them insisted on using it to practice their kungfu moves on each other).
Hope it helps others!
I have included photos of my tummy from various angles, some are lying on my side, the last is leaning over to show the ‘hang’!(I thought this one might scare some people, so I hesitated in sharing, but hey, this is what the skin does when I bend over! ).

~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 4 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5, 3, 3, 1

Redemption Baby (Tabitha)

This is a story of redemption. Here’s the story, from the beginning….

I got pregnant for the first time in March of 2005. My first pregnancy was a breeze and we planned to have a home birth with a midwife. I labored for 18 hours at home but due to complications during the pushing phase, I had to be transported to the nearest hospital to deliver our son. He was taken from me immediately to be assessed and because of severe tearing, I had to have a spinal shot and go into surgery. I didn’t get to hold Andrew until an hour after he was born. All of my dreams about his birth (aside from it being un-medicated) were lost. He was, by the way, perfectly healthy, born at 40 weeks and 6 days gestation and was 8 lbs. 4 oz. and 21″ long.

I wanted my second birth to be different. We started trying to get pregnant when Andrew was about three years old and got pregnant on the first try. I was due on December 26, 2008 and eagerly told everyone our news and filled in my pregnancy journal.

It was right before Mother’s Day and I was just 5 weeks along when I started bleeding. I attended church on Mother’s Day, knowing my pregnancy was over, but with peace, knowing God was with me. On May 13th, before leaving home for work, I miscarried. I was actually very relieved.

We gave my body a few months to recover, then my husband was eager to start trying again. We told our friends, family and church family to start praying, even before we conceived. I was stunned when we, again, got pregnant on the first try. I was thrilled to discover that I was due on May 13th, the very day I’d miscarried the year before. I felt like God was at work, trying to somehow “make up for” the pregnancy we lost.

My pregnancy was, again, complication-free. I did have some hormonal issues and anxiety, but the baby and I checked out perfectly at every appointment. I had decreased appetite so I had only gained 12lbs when I went into labor.

I was at 40 weeks and five days when I went into labor at about 8pm on May 11th. I tried to sleep but finally woke my husband up at about 3am, wondering if “this was it.” I worked through my contractions and by 5am, my husband insisted that we go to the hospital. I was checked in at 6am and was already at 7cm dilation, hooray! My contractions were shockingly mild and I felt excited and happy–a far cry from the hours of agony I spent in the bathtub during my first labor.

My doctor was called and said she’d get a quick cup of coffee and I’d be ready to go–she was right. I was ready to start pushing at 8am and Ethan was born at 8:12am. He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz and was 22″ long and perfectly healthy. Everyone was amazed at how “easy” my birth was. Thank you, Lord!! As soon as he came out, I was thanking my doctor and we were both thanking God!

The nurses handed him to me immediately and we waited for the cord to stop pulsing before cutting it. It was love at first sight and I was able to hold and admire him for an hour before they took him aside to clean him up. I finally got the birth experience I wanted.

We named him Ethan, which means “strong.” Ethan would have been my name, had I been a boy! He came home from the hospital on May 13th, the same day I’d miscarried the year before. That day will always be a happy day in my memory now. God redeemed that day, the baby we lost, and my first birth experience. God’s greatest work is redemption and I am so grateful to have seen it played out in my own life. What a mighty God we serve!

Ethan lives up to his name. He is this exceptionally sweet, happy, adorable baby. Even strangers comment on what an angel he is. He is also very strong and healthy, has hit all of his milestones early and is into everything! He is a tremendous blessing to everyone who knows him and we can’t imagine our lives without him.

Since I gained so little weight during my pregnancy, I was at my pre-pregnancy weight by the time I got home from the hospital and within a month, my weight was lower than it had been in over five years. It was just a “happy side effect” of feeling yucky during my pregnancy–but it sure helped when it came to losing the baby weight!

The henna belly tattoo was from my Blessingway at about 39 weeks along (where I’m wearing the flowers). In the pink bathing suit, it was three days before I gave birth (about 40 weeks and 3 days along). The deflated and faded version of the tree is from less than three hours of giving birth. The red bikini top was from about 1 month postpartum.

Age: 32
Two sons, ages 4 years and 10 months. One miscarriage.

Beauty in the Battle (Kara)

25
3 Pregnancies, 2 Birth
Girls ages 6 & 4
Longing for another soon & 1 more shortly after

My body looks as though I was attached by wild Tigers, shredded on my breats, abdomen, back, butt & thighs But i find beauty in my Battle Scars, its the beauty of growing precious cargo. However it took a lot for me to really see it. Even went through a Breast Augmentation & Divorce! But ya know it was hard being a 22 (at the time of my BA) years old with 80 yr old boobs…. When you have the skin for DD but the material for an A it’s just not a comfortable feeling or look. ( Plus when you have a cheating, lying husband you’ll do anything to feel better, am I right?!)

A lot of why I feel I never saw the beauty in my “beast” of a body was because I feel I was always trying to fit my mothers demons, she never took very good care of her body and & she is an obese woman, I never wanted that. Then my ex-husband who still to this day haunts me about my weight, figure, workouts, eating habits… But as long as I AM HAPPY then what does it matter what other people say?

My other encouragement with my body & how I handle it… My Daughters… I want to be the greatest possible example & try to promote what I don’t feel I ever had, encouraging, supportive, body image role models! I want my girls to feel comfortable in their skin, to love their bodies for what they are & to do their best not to compare to others. I’m already fighting those battles as my 6 year old recently decided she is fat at a whooping 40lbs & didn’t want to eat for 2 days.

Wish me Luck & remember how YOU look at your body & treat it is going to reflect on your daughters or any little girl who watches you in the future.

Screw the Media & Hello BODY LOVING MAMA’S!

This is Me (Anonymous)

Age: 23
Numbers of pregnancies and births: 1
Children: 1 awesome daughter, 3 years old

This is who I am and unfortunately I’m not too happy with myself. No matter how much weight I lose, my stomach doesn’t seem to shrink. I’m currently 175 pounds and I plan on getting down to 140. I really hope I see some major changes in my tummy, otherwise that’s really going to suck. I was 19 when I got pregnant and barely 20 when I gave birth to my daughter. Before I got pregnant I was maybe 140 pounds. I got up to 195 pounds right before I gave birth to my daughter, then I gained an additional 20 pounds because I had postpartum depression and I didn’t hardly go anywhere for the first year of her life. I don’t know if I can accept myself for who I am now. I hate my body and I obsess over my stomach all the time. Also, Finding clothes to hide my tummy is a pain in the butt as well. I could honestly care less about my stretchmarks, but the flabby tummy has got to go! Anyways, I’m really blessed to have my daughter and my fiance! My fiance is very supportive and he could care less about my tummy. I wish I could feel the same way. I would post pictures of my daughter and I, but a few friends of mine visit this website and I would be mortified if someone I knew found out how I looked underneath it all…