Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

This is Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Age: 23
Numbers of pregnancies and births: 1
Children: 1 awesome daughter, 3 years old

This is who I am and unfortunately I’m not too happy with myself. No matter how much weight I lose, my stomach doesn’t seem to shrink. I’m currently 175 pounds and I plan on getting down to 140. I really hope I see some major changes in my tummy, otherwise that’s really going to suck. I was 19 when I got pregnant and barely 20 when I gave birth to my daughter. Before I got pregnant I was maybe 140 pounds. I got up to 195 pounds right before I gave birth to my daughter, then I gained an additional 20 pounds because I had postpartum depression and I didn’t hardly go anywhere for the first year of her life. I don’t know if I can accept myself for who I am now. I hate my body and I obsess over my stomach all the time. Also, Finding clothes to hide my tummy is a pain in the butt as well. I could honestly care less about my stretchmarks, but the flabby tummy has got to go! Anyways, I’m really blessed to have my daughter and my fiance! My fiance is very supportive and he could care less about my tummy. I wish I could feel the same way. I would post pictures of my daughter and I, but a few friends of mine visit this website and I would be mortified if someone I knew found out how I looked underneath it all…

The roads that led to motherhood – A stretch mark love story! (Rachael)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

Age now: 22
18 months pp.

I became a mother at age 21. My son was born at 7lbs 11 ounces and I absolutely do not regret anything I went through in order to bring him into the world safely. Before pregnancy, I loved my body. I loved my complexion, my height, my weight… everything. I was not conceited in any way though, I was just accepting of the person I grew up to be. I got married to my high school sweetheart when I was 20. A couple months later, we found out we were expecting our first baby. We were ecstatic! We did not plan to have a child so soon after marriage, but we knew that God’s timing is always perfect and happily welcomed the news with excitement! Throughout my pregnancy I worked 30-40 hour weeks. I also realized that I started putting on about a pound a week from the moment I found out I was pregnant. My appetite increased and though I did not eat much during the first few months, I still gained a pound EVERY week. At around the 4th month in pregnancy, I stared retaining a lot of water and noticed stretch marks on my inner thighs. Soon, I noticed them on my outer thighs and behind my knees. I never knew a woman could get stretch marks in those areas until I saw them! From before I knew I was pregnant I used Palmers Stretch Mark Coco Butter creme as a moisturizer so I was convinced that it would help to prevent them – WRONG! I think I have the most stretch marks I had ever seen on anyone who has delivered a single baby. During my pregnancy, I would pray that my stretch marks would miraculously stop… that somehow my skin would not stretch to the point of no return, and I would escape having to deal with the yucky looking ones I saw on other people. Before I became pregnant though, I thought that women who had stretch marks did not moisturize their skin and didn’t do something right, however, I tried EVERYTHING and still ended up covered in them! I have come to love my stretch marks… they tell a beautiful story. During week 28 of pregnancy, I started having symptoms of Gestational Diabetes… constantly thirsty, extremely tired… and I sort of knew I had it because both my Mom and Aunt had it while they were pregnant. It was confirmed by my OB that I did indeed have elevated glucose levels and that’s when pregnancy got a whole lot harder! I had to check my glucose 3-4 times a day. I had to watch my diet and stay away from sugary, carb filled foods and I had to exercise after meals to bring my glucose levels down. It was the most difficult time in my life! During this time, due to elevated blood sugar levels that was sometimes still high even after medication, I knew that my son was growing larger and larger because of it. I saw new stretch marks appear every day and the ones that were already present extended up towards my chest. I also suffered from excruciating pain in my pelvis… it felt like my legs were going to break from beneath me when I would stand up and I could hardly lift my leg an inch… I am convinced now that I suffered from Symphysis pubic dysfunction. The pain was so unbearable at times. Around 34 weeks my doctors decided to test me for pre-eclampsia due to my excessive water retention and pain in my ribs, but thankfully, it was just my son’s foot stuck there. :) I had an extremely tough pregnancy. I worked up until 37 weeks and gained 37 pounds throughout my whole pregnancy and labored 37 hours before having a c-section. I was induced at 39 weeks because of the Gestational Diabetes. Apparently, I had a “failed” induction because I was not dilating, but contracting off the charts. Having went through all I did during my pregnancy and recovering from it, I have to say that those pesky stretch marks that I was so upset about now serves as a reminder of the moments in my life where I depended on God the most. I was not “in control” during my pregnancy – the things that happened to my body was not things I wanted to happen, but it was necessary for me to become the mother I am today. I no longer bother about my stretch marks. They are lovely. I am beautiful and it is a wonderful reminder of the long way I have traveled to be the woman I am today. Those stretch marks taught me so many lessons in life: I cannot always be in control, I should never judge anyone unless I have walked in their shoes & most importantly, stretch marks are a true representation of the transformation a woman goes through in order to become a mother. I am lucky enough to have the evidence of motherhood on my body. It is the most enjoyably experience of my life thus far and I will never regret what I went through physically to be where I am today! I love my son with all my heart and I am thankful to have a husband who loves my body and appreciates it for the story it tells.

I am now 18 months pp and my body is looking pretty good… stretch marks and all! :)

I was 106 when I got married, 113 pre-pregnancy, and 150 the day I delivered my son. Right now I am 118, but working out to get back down to 106. I am 4’10. :)

My first pic is 10 weeks pregnant.
2nd pic is 37 weeks pregnant
3rd pic is all my beautiful stretch marks! :) at 37 weeks pregnant
4th pic is 5 months pp
4th pic is 5 months pp – side
5th pic is 10 months pp.

I have since stopped taking pics to see how my stretch marks are fading because I love them… they are so much a part of me that I can flaunt them any time of the day; I am not ashamed of them. Go through what I have went through and I doubt that anyone will say that they are not ADMIRABLE!

Twin Tummy After Two Years (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 17 Comments

Age: 34
1 pregnancy, 2 children

I have recently discovered this website and am so glad I did as the stories have inspired me and helped me accept my post pregnancy body. I generally keep my thoughts on my body to myself as I don’t like drawing attention to it and I never imagined I would want to post my story, but here it is.

I had twin boys in March 08, born at 38weeks via cesarean. Both boys were very healthy and weighed 5lbs 10oz and 5lbs 8oz. I was shocked to discover I was having twins at a 12week scan and it did take some time to get my head around the idea that I would have 2 babies rather than 1! Medically speaking my pregnancy was healthy and uneventful. I am a healthy weight, and while I did gain around 45lbs during pregnancy, it was all in my belly. I breastfed my boys exclusively for 6mths and was very fortunate that I lost all my pregnancy weight within a few months.

However, I have been left with lose skin, stretch marks and separated stomach muscles. I knew it was inevitable that I would get stretch marks, however I still kept hoping I wouldn’t and applied cream on my belly every day I was pregnant. My stretch marks started at 34weeks and just kept getting worse. As horrible as this sounds, part of me wanted my twins to be born a bit early just so I wouldn’t have as many stretch marks. This is not a thought I have shared with anyone as I feel awful that I felt that way. What I really struggle with accepting is the appearance of my separated muscles. I have been doing Pilates for over a year which has helped repair the muscle, but not the skin, so the appearance will never go away without surgery.

I am truly blessed to have such healthy beautiful little boys and they bring so much joy to my life. I think my body is amazing for carrying twins to full term and exclusively breastfeeding them for 6mths (especially as I have small breasts and prior to breastfeeding, always felt inadequate about them). Whenever I feel down about my body, I remind myself of this fact. For the most part, I try and ignore my belly as I get depressed every time I look at it. I know my body could have been damaged worse and considering I have had twins, I think it has recovered ok. However, I just can’t seem to get past the fact my old belly has gone forever and this is the new me! My husband is very positive and reassuring over my body, I wish I could share his views! People tell me I look great considering I have had twins, and I generally just smile and quickly change the topic. I want to say to them “you haven’t seen me naked” or “why is there a caveat on looking great? Why can’t I just look great for being me?”

I am slightly apprehensive sharing these naked belly photos as I keep it hidden from everyone. I hope I won’t always feel this way and I will one day learn to accept my new body.

My Journey Into Motherhood (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

I’ve struggled with food for a few years now. My struggle was mostly a secret and began two and a half years ago when I decided I wanted to lose weight for my wedding. I wasn’t overweight, but I wanted to look good. Long story short, I became obsessed, gained the weight back and then some, and then when my husband deployed September 2008, I decided to get in shape the right way. I lifted heavy, ate right, and got in the best shape of my life. I got pregnant a day or two after my husband got back, LITERALLY, so, for the love and health of my baby, I realized I needed to stop my OCD need to count every single calorie and gram of protein going into my body and just eat for health. By my 19th week of pregnancy, my doctor told me I had only gained 6 pounds. He seemed concerned, and I really took that to heart. By my next check-up, I had gained another 10 pounds. 10 pounds…..in one month! By that point, I was about 24 weeks pregnant and just started eating EVERYTHING. I only gained 40 pounds, but boy did I feel like I’d gained 100. My husband always thought I was beautiful throughout my whole pregnancy, but I felt like an elephant and I had a hard time adjusting to my changing body and to the life growing inside of me. The birth process was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through. I had read all these stories and had all these expectations……….but that really doesn’t prepare you for the real thing. My labor was about 14 hours and I pushed for an hour and 15 minutes. I had no drugs or an epidural. My husband was so encouraging and that really helped me push through the pain. My son was born October 15 of 2009 weighing 8 lbs 9 ozs. I remember as the nurses were checking on my son and the doctor was stitching me up, I felt my belly and how squishy and “fake” it felt. It didn’t feel like it belonged to me. I didn’t suffer from PPD, but I had a diffucult time realizing how much my body had changed. I was chubby and had stretch marks. I had gained a few going through puberty and had always been self-conscious of them, but I really wanted to be strong for my son. I started doing P90X about 6 weeks postpartum to lose my babyweight. I am now 5.5 months postpartum and my son is the light of my life. I love him so much it hurts and I’m amazed at the personality he’s developed already. He’s going to be such a beautiful and intelligent person. I still struggle with my body and how it looks now, but I’m so thankful for my happy, healthy baby. I miss my belly and my husband and I can’t wait to have another.

This is my first pregnancy and first live birth.

Age: 24

The pictures sent are me 6 weeks PP, 10 weeks PP, and me today (5.5 months PP).

I Wonder (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Update 10 Comments

~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1

I’ve been reading your stories for the last 6 or 7 months and am just like a whole bunch of you – in a shirt I look great. With my shirt off, the extra elephant gathers at the bottom of my tummy were making me feel horrible about myself. The picture of Julia Roberts on the beach with a belly like mine made me cry. Now I just don’t care. Because I’ve realized that my husband loves me no matter what, and I love what I have done. I GREW A PERSON!!!

I wonder what North American ‘culture’ has done to us. We often blame the media. Because all they show us is beauty. But why do we give them so much power? It’s up to us to say ‘NO!’ To look past all the crap they’re trying to shovel down our throats. What do you think Heidi Klum or Angelina Jolie look like in the midsection? Sure some people bounce back, but after 4 babies ? Twins? And as crappy as it is for us to compare ourselves to them, I wonder how they feel – they either have to feel beautiful in their own skin, or they have to cave to all the pressures they’re under and get plastic surgery. And if they felt comfortable in their own skin, don’t you think we’d be seeing it?

I wonder. Did our grandmothers worry about what their stomachs looked like when they had their shirts off?
I like to believe that they had more important things to care about – stuff that really mattered. Like if their babies were going to grow up healthy. Or grow up at all.
Our lives have become too easy – that’s got to be the only reason we have time to worry about what we look like under our clothes to ourselves and our significant others.

If I spent all day cooking for my husband laboring in the field, or wondering if we were going to get enough rain for the crops to have money to buy necessities for our family, or worrying about my son in the trenches of some war, or wondering if my baby was going to get whooping cough or small pox or polio, or hoping we were going to be able to save enough for a good dowry for our daughter, or praying that my daughter was going to have more opportunities than me, or ….

What about the women who have lived through ethnic cleansings – genocides, famines? If we had to worry about our families being killed, or our babies starving to death, would we care so much about our bodies? Would we care at all?

I’ve decided that there have been and are a lot worse things in this world than a bit of extra skin.

Like the beautiful baby boy sleeping beside me. I’m going to give him a kiss and be thankful that all I really need to worry about is if his second toe is going to straighten itself out, or if he’s going to need some sort of little foot surgery in the future that’s covered by my healthcare. Because that’s what matters.

Updated here.

Life of a Cheated Mom (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

So here is my story, I became pregnant after a 7 year relationship with my high school sweet heart, he had been faithful all those years, after a couple of days o finding out about my pregnancy my boyfriend started an affair with a coworker of his, that been january last year, in february i started working at his job, as he recommended me to his boss… kind of sarcastic, but considering all the things as happend i think he wanted me to find out about them…
i knew something was going on between them but i was on denial, not because i like to be naive, but because of my baby… i didn´t want anything esle on my head,
i started thinking he didn´t like me in my new body, sex between us was awful, he felt disgusted, like he just wanted to get over it quickly…
after a couple months on this situation i coudn’t take it anymore, i hacked that b*tch´s email and took all the emails my BF sent to her and confronted him, long story gone short, i left, i was disgusted, i asked him to be happy with her, at that time i felt i was an obstacle on his happiness.
I left home and didn’t speak to him in a couple of days, i kept going to work, he didn´t, a week later he resigned, said he couldn’t stand that situation and asked me to resign as well, I was a couple of days now from maternity leave, so i took it early as to work things out.
i found out that he felt disgusted with himself and not with me, he felt dirty,

the whole pregnancy was hell between us, but the day our baby was born everything changed, it felt like nothing else mattered, we fell inlove again for each other, i could tell he hasn’t felt that way for me before.

it’s been hard, i won’t say it hasn’t my trust in him is not the same, but we are living together, our baby is 7 months now, he’s been the best father ever and i still love him, so i could say, he was afraid of us, of having me as the only girl in his life, it was not my fault, it wasn’t because my body change, he loves me now the way i am, with all my strech marks and extra skin, but the best thing is that i love myself, i love my body, my battle scars, eventhoug i will never be the same….

life is never the same with a little gentleman rollin’ around….

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 / 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 mths

041510-anon-1

3 years and 3 months later… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

I had my first son in October 2007 by emergency cesarian and my daughter 17 months later by elective cesairan. I have now given up breastfeeding for one month and although I miss it I am pleased to have my body to myself. I fed each baby for over a year and had been continually pregnant or nursing for 3years and 2 months!!! I am really proud of myself.
My body does not have the youthful shape it did before babies but I like it. I am hoping a little life will go back into my breasts but I am pleased to say my stretch marks with a little tlc have faded to almost nothing. I was lucky to only put on 31lbs with my son and 12lbs with my daughter however I was unlucky in a way as it was due to the nausea and vommiting I get throughout pregnancy.
I feel I have given my children the best possible start in life and I feel proud.

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 c-sections, one elective one emergency
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My children are 2 and 5 months and 12.5 months

The Ever-Elusive Belly Button (Lulu)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 17 Comments

When me and my husband first got married, everyone incessantly pestered us about when we were going to have kids. We told them, quite firmly, that we were going to wait at least five years… by then we’d be good and ready. My mother would always laugh at this, and told us bluntly that she’d be surprised if we weren’t expecting within the year.
Low and behold, I was pregnant within two months! We were rather devastated; We were only 20 years old. We were not ready for children. I suppose we were rather stupid. We weren’t particularly vigilant when it came to using protection. It’s just that the both of us were virgins on our wedding day which, don’t get me wrong, is WONDERFUL that we are able to share ourselves with no one else but each other, but neither of us had ever had to worry about that sort of thing before, and thus a lack of experience in the matter lead to the conception of our son Dominic.
I gained about 40-45 lbs. during my pregnancy, which due to my spectacular health, went wonderfully. Well, mostly. I had dreadful morning sickness for a good two months. I threw up at least 6-9 times a day, and had given up on the luxury of eating, and even still my stomach found some mysterious contents with which to regurgitate. Not a great venture for a dental chair-side assistant.
Either way, I made it through alright, and gave birth to a 9 lb. 0 oz. baby boy. My labour was short, but all in my back. I felt nothing in my stomach! I made it through without and pain meds, which is not a spectacular feet as I was only in labour for less than 5 hours starting from the first twinges of discomfort, ending with the birth.
I lost the weight just fine. I was back in my jeans within a month! After my two week postpartum checkup, he even heard my midwife joking with the receptionist, “She didn’t loose that weight! She just gave it all to that baby!” (He was, and still is, a rolly-polly little tyke. At nine months he is the weight of a one year old!)
Months go by, and I am back to my pre-pregnancy wieght (144… I still want to lose 8-9 lbs. to get to the weight I was in high school) but I seem to have misplaced my belly button. Oh, no. Wait. There is is. Hiding under a fold of skin. There you are! He’s a little camera shy, it would seem.
I love this website! I have spent three months looking at pictures posted here; some bellies are far better than mine, others far worse than mine. What I have not been able to find, however, is a belly on par with mine. Does anyone else have this issue with their belly? I have seen stretch marks, rolls, and sagging skin, but not like mine! I am a bit envious that everyone else on this website has a visible belly button. Perhaps not the one they are familiar with, but it is there!
I have never been worried about the way I look before; I was always the funny girl that was just one of the guys. But I can safely say that I had a pretty rockin’ body! Now even that one thing I could be proud of is gone. Dust in the wind, baby. I guess I didn’t know what I had till it was gone!
I have no pictures of my pre-preg belly as I have always been rather modest. But I have some pictures of my belly now.
The first two are 8 months postpartum. The next two are nine months. The 4th is me about a month before I got pregnant, the fifth is me at about 7 months pregnant, and the last one is me with my beautiful boy! (He has a birthmark under his eye.)
Has anyone ever seen such a belly? My mother always says it will get better. “Just look at my belly after five kids!” she says. Of course, she never had stretch marks, and even at 48 years old she could be a model. Does any one think this will get better? I have seen no progress.

Big Tee & Little Tee (Tee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

Age: 26
Pregnancies/births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
Age of child: 5

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death. I was a junior in college, my boyfriend (now husband) was stationed in another state and neither of us knew anything about babies. We had tons of support from our family and without them I can’t imagine what kind of shape we’d have been in. I was about 115 when I got pregnant and gained 65 pounds during the pregnancy. My mom told me not to worry about it “you’re young-you’ll bounce right back!” After 19 hours of labor, a swift bikini cut and a few stitches, we met our brand new 10 pound baby. Everyone was impressed that itty bitty me birthed such a huge baby, I was just glad it was over. Between trying to finish school during the day, going to work in the afternoon and sometimes going back to school in the evening, going home and spending time with my daughter and studying for the next test (husband by now came home as often as he could but got deployed to Iraq when she was 8 months) weight took a back seat. It was a fleeting thought from time to time but I had an already full plate. By her first birthday (and my college graduation which happened to be on the same day), I had dropped most of the baby weight and my stomach went down but it wasn’t flat. Soon after, I started trying everything-diets, exercise, pure starvation-no matter what I did, I could not lose this pooch. I kept thinking I’d never get into a bikini again. My husband has never been anything less than amazing when it comes to my body and in fact, prefers the softer curvier me. I love everything else about my body so I never let it totally overtake me but the stomach was an issue. I’d still wear bikinis, but I’d just put a shirt over it or something to hide it.

I thought I wasn’t making a big deal of it and then my daughter (then 3) asked me one day why I was wearing a shirt in the pool. I said “it’s what mommy’s do” and she pointed out about 4 or 5 other women at the pool who didn’t have on shirts and said “they’re mommy’s too and they don’t have on shirts”. So I took off my shirt to appease her-she was delighted of course but my insides were screaming and I was mortified. But I felt I had to keep on a brave front because I definitely didn’t want her to pick up on it or worse-develop an unhealthy body image of herself. I’m not sure what I thought was going to happen (the world would come to an abrupt halt maybe? Who knows) but absolutely NOTHING happened. And it was in that moment that I realized I was being ridiculous. Ok, the stomach’s not flat and there are plenty of stretch marks but you know what? I had a freaking 10 lb baby. She’s healthy, happy and the love of my life. I don’t diet, I don’t take pills, I do exercise but only because I sit down at work all day and it breaks up the monotony for me. My husband adores me and we have an absolutely wonderful family. I’m blessed and couldn’t ask for much more. And when I’m at the beach or pool-I’m in my bikini, running around playing with my happy and healthy daughter-jelly belly and all. It won’t consume you if you don’t let it.

I’m attaching pics

Pre-pregnancy (blurry but you get the idea), day of delivery, today and Big Tee & Little Tee

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 1 Comment

hi there I love this site sooo much! thank you for creating it! I wish I would have known about it when I was pregnant. I got pregnant unexpectedly in Sept 2007. My boyfriend was surprised and happy even though we were not getting along at all. Anywase , my pregnancy was a bad one,I was hormonal in a bad way , I didnt want my body wrecked and I hated my bf so bad even though he continued to love me, Also, I was depressed as I never wanted kids but I do not belive in abortion so I decided I would give it up for adoption. Well.. as soon as I met my baby girl in June 08 my mind was changed. I fell in love right away. I am still in love with my baby angel today , she is what keeps me going everyday . her smile can bring me out of the deepest depression.. which I still have .. anywase my point in writing this is that I hope I can make someone out there who is pregnant and not wanting to be, have hope.. My sweety did not at all damage my body , and she has only made our lives so much better and worth living :)