Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

5 weeks post-partum after second child (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

For the first time in my life I feel no need or desire to malign or discredit my body, or to qualify it with any explanation for why it is the way it is. I am five weeks post-partum with my second child. He was 11 lbs, which was quite a shock, and I delivered him naturally. Following the birth I felt such a profound sense of pride and delight in my body– in what it was able to accomplish in growing and delivering into the world such a large and beautiful baby. After I had my first child I felt so disappointed with my body and couldn’t come to terms with the fact that it didn’t go back to what it was before. For some reason now I feel so differently. I definitely want to be fit and healthy, and that will likely involve losing some weight, but I want to hold onto this feeling of joy in my body and acceptance myself. We are amazing creatures. Love yourself!

These photos were taken 4 weeks post-partum.

Finally ok with the Battle Scars! (April M)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 16 Comments

Age 22
Four pregnancies, one birth
One daughter, age 2 1/2

I guess I just wanted to show people that, no matter if youre over weight or under weight, we all have issues with our bodies after our babies come into our lives.
I have hated my stretch marks since I was 7 months pregnant. And now, they have faded from the bright purple to a dark flesh tone, but you can still see them. I try to keep my tummy covered as much as possible, because without seeing them I prolly seem whole. I always felt ugly or damaged when I looked down, but my husband has always reassured me that he loves them, especially the feel of them. Sometimes I dont believe, but sometimes i do because he seems so innocent when he says it. But I have finally came to terms with my body. I will not wear an ulgy one piece bathing suit just to make OTHER people feel more comfortable around me or a tee shirt swimming at the river. I guess, I dont really have a real interesting story. I just wanted to say that no matter what your body looks like, you should be proud of it and flaunt what God gave you. And besides, when we finally are able to stay pregnant to have another baby, they’ll get worse again most likely, so why not enjoy the tummy I have now rather than hate it?

Working to reverse 8 years of negative body image (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

age-23
births 1, children 1 beautiful girl
4 months PP

I’ve always been athletic and worked hard to stay in shape. In highschool I took it to the next level and restricted myself to 1000, then 900, then 600, then 500 calories a day, this started a slippery slope of anorexia, bulimia, exercise purging that lasted until the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. even three years of treatment and bouts in the hospital for inpatient treatment couldnt cure me, but knowing I needed to grow another life, and nourish her, DID!….

My pregnancy was easy, and somewhat liberating, for the first time I ate whatever i wanted during pregnancy which was something i hadnt done since i was 8. I enjoyed having an “excuse” to let my body grow and I liked the shape of my pregnant body. im a strength and conmditioning coach and personal trainer so that kept me active and i continued to work out moderatley,that kept my weight gain to a minimum. I dont have a lot of stretch marks on my tummy just two n my sides but a ton on my thighs and butt bc they have grown a ton, lots of cellulite and a pooch, I know I should be lenient but its still a struggle especially in my profession.

For the first 8 weeks after my baby was born I felt good about myeslf, the weight came off easily and then some. But now that I am4 months PP I feel I no longer have the excuse of “i just had a baby” and I have such a hard time viewing myself positively because of the years of self hate. I try daily to give myself slack knowing that my body is different now after having a baby and my husband is trying desperatley to help me to see that my body isnt what makes me a good person. Ive recently started yasmin birth control and have been gaining weight with no change in my eating habits and an increase in workout time, my hair is also starting to fall out more, has anyone else experienced these side effects?

Thank you all for participating in this sight seeing everyones positive outlooks and knowing everyone struggles just like me helps me get through everyday and stay in recovery (1 year this month!)….i have attatched pictures taken yesterday so they show my recent weight gain

pics are from 4 months PP and two pics from 35 weeks pregnant

Loving my body after baby (Jo)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 12 Comments

Age: 20
2 Pregnancies, 1 Birth
16 weeks postpartum

My name is Jordan, I found out i was pregnant with My son Colin a few months after miscarrying my first pregnancy, I was 19 years old.. young, i know but i was still Very happy about conceiving again so shortly after the loss. Through nearly the whole pregnancy i worried and worried something was going to go wrong, i drove myself crazy. Seeing his little body on the ultrasound wasn’t enough to ease my worries, but when i could feel him kick, alot of my fears went away, until he didn’t kick for a while, then i was freaking out. I had an easy pregnancy, no morning sickness, no aches.. not until the end. My son, Colin was born January 10th 2010, weighing 6 lbs 10 oz & 20 inches long. I didn’t even know i was in labor, until i got to the hospital. All day i kept feeling this pressure ‘down there’ so, we went to L&D to see if something was wrong and they told me i was 4 cm dilated and in labor. Labor was easy, too.. no complications, It lasted about 6 hours and i pushed for 20 minutes. Before i got pregnant i weighed 126 lbs, now i weigh 137, i gained 35 lbs the entire time i was pregnant and i’m going to start working on getting this extra weight off soon. I’m pretty happy with myself and my body, a few extra pounds doesn’t make me any less beautiful.
I love being a mom and i love my son. He’s a happy, healthy 4 month old weighing 16 1/2 lbs & 24 inches long.
Somewhere in the next few years wed like to try again, I really want Colin to have a little sister someday.
Thanks for sharing all of your wonderful photos and stories, and thanks for checking out mine.

1st photo- Me a couple weeks before delivery.
2nd photo- In labor
3rd photo- breastfeeding right after birth
4th photo- 8 weeks pregnant
5th photo- 4 weeks postpartum
6th & 7th photos- taken a few days ago with my hubby.
8th & 9th photos- Me and my son taken last week.

Struggling with PCOS (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Ages: Son = 5 years old, Daughter = 3 months old
Post-Partum: 3 months

I have always struggled with my weight. I’ve been on diets, exercise regimes, and even pills. When I was 17, I was so disgusted with my weight that I turned to anorexia. I refused to eat. By the time I was 18, I lost 100lbs. I felt good, even though I went about losing the weight in a very unhealthy manner. I met my now-husband the end of 2002. We fell in love quickly and for once…my weight didn’t matter. I kept my weight even during that time and then found out I was pregnant with my son January of 2004.

I didn’t realize his pregnancy would change my body image.

I had a relatively easy pregnancy with him. Mild heartburn, some swelling…by the end of the pregnancy….I had gained 100lbs. The weight that I lost, was now back.

I had to have an emergency C-Section with him, which ruined my chances of being able to use my lower abs to their full potential, during weight loss. I had a hard time even ab-curling 10lbs…

The extra weight triggered PCOS, which means Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I have the multiple cysts on my ovaries, the weight gain, the difficulty losing weight, lower progesterone, higher testosterone…

In 2006, I got pregnant for the 2nd time. We were happy. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 12 weeks. The baby died at 8 weeks. After talking with my OB/GYN, the PCOS could have caused the miscarriage.

I didn’t get my PCOS diagnosed officially until April of 2009.

I had to endure 3 years of wanting a baby, trying for a baby, and not being able to get pregnant. I finally went searching and doctor after doctor after doctor told me the same thing: I’m too fat.

They never wanted to see why my body wasn’t wanting to bounce back. They never investigated my lack of period…

I met my new OB and he changed my life. He diagnosed me, he helped me conceive my daughter…

My pregnancy with my daughter was ROUGH, to say the least. I was constantly sick, lost a lot of weight in the beginning.

At the end, I had gained only 13lbs. Two weeks PP, I found out I had lost 26lbs!

I’m 3 months PP, and I love my mommy-body. I have lost almost 40lbs since the week before I gave birth. I would love to get healthier, but this body is something I have to live with forever. It’s not going to magically go away on it’s own and it’s not going to become super-model worthy.

My body is super-mom worthy.

Blue shirt picture (side view) = Me at 18, after losing 100lbs.
Blue nightgown, pregnant belly = Me at 19, a month before giving birth to my son.
Pink pregnant belly = Me at 25, day of C-Section with my 2nd baby.
Last four photos = Me now after losing 40lbs.

Grateful for My Blessings (Tsi K.)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 18 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 34
Age of children: 4yr old little girl and 8 month old little boy

Hello beautiful women,

This is my third entry on this site. My most recent was about two years ago after the birth of my daughter via c-section, and I’ve since had another baby so I decided to share again. Prior to the birth of my first child, I had always struggled with some form of disordered eating. My body has always been strong and athletic, and whilst I appreciate it now, I had a difficult time dealing with it growing up. At age six, I wanted to be waif like, like my friends. I wanted thinner thighs, a smaller belly, and a teeny-tiny backside. It didn’t help that my relatives would tease me about my ‘big bum,’ or ‘thick legs,’ thinking all the while that they were complimenting me. Growing up in a country where thickness was actually admired and revered on a woman, I’m not quite sure where I received the messages that I was too fat, or that my body wasn’t ‘good’ enough. However, receive them I did, and those messages plagued me well into adulthood. After many years dealing with bulimia, I finally resolved that enough was enough and became determined to fight back at my demons. I was afraid that if I didn’t fight back, I would eventually have children, and pass my bad habits onto them, especially if I had girls. I thank God that I was able to regain control of my eating, and in essence, my life, before my little girl was born in 2006. And wouldn’t you know it? Her body is an exact little replica of mine, right down to the sturdy little thighs and the round belly. I let her know daily how blessed she is to have strong legs with which to run and jump and dance, and strong arms which can lift and carry and throw. Here in the States, my fight for my daughter’s sense of self-worth is two fold. The images of ‘beauty’ portrayed in the media are typically those of thin, tall and willowy Caucasian women. I am therefore not only fighting against the images of ‘thinner is better,’ but I am also fighting for my daughter to see the beauty in her brown skin, and thick, textured hair.

Although I put up a brave and confident face for my daughter, which most of the time is an accurate representation of how I feel, those negative thoughts still come back to haunt me from time to time, and so they did with the birth of my son. I gained weight slowly and steadily for the first three months with my boy, and then began a rapid descent into eating anything and everything that I could lay my hands on. I comforted myself with the knowledge that I had gained 50lbs with my daughter, and had managed to lose most of it by the first year. My Dr. told me that whilst such excessive weight gain was mildly acceptable for a first pregnancy, the same should not be repeated in a second, so when I surpassed 50 and landed at a robust 60lbs, the fear of not being able to lose the weight set in. My son was a special gift from God, having been born exactly one year to the day of a devastating miscarriage. I told myself that I would therefore not focus on the excessive weight gain would focus instead upon the nurturing and nourishment of my ‘miracle baby.’ I’m currently breastfeeding him, as I did my daughter, and I believe that this must be the reason why I’ve been able to shed so many of the the pounds in a relatively short period of time. I am proud of my body and all that it has accomplished, and although my feelings about it will forever ebb and flow, I can only hope that one day my children will look at me and tell me that they are proud of me too.

The first picture was taken three and a half years after the birth of my daughter.
The second was taken at eight months pregnant with my son.
The third was taken a few days ago at 8 months postpartum.
The forth is a picture of my little angels :-)

Loving My Mommy Body (Georgia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 10 Comments

Original entry here.

So here is my update, I am 12 days postpartum. I had my son on his due date which was really great! He weighed 7 pounds 7 ounces and was 20 inches long. I had a few hours of tough back labor then had the epidural. Best experience of my life. So like I said before, I gained 22 pounds. It stayed that way until the end, I was 180. Pre pregnancy weight was 158 and yesterday I weighed 160. So 2 pounds left to go! I breastfed for a week, but for many different reasons I decided to stop. He took to the bottle right away and things are going much better.

I love my body so far. My tummy is a little softer, and I did end up with stretch marks but they arent too bad. My husband said he loves my new body because it “It makes me a woman”. I love that. I dont mind my stretch marks at all. I earned them. and I would have taken more of them for my son.

Here’s some pics of me 12 days PP, and of my handsome little man.

Updated here and here.

Mom of 3 boys -1 set of twins (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo, Twins 23 Comments

I wanted to submit this picture as a way of affirming to myself that my body is fine and I don’t need to listen to what others think. I have been going through a difficult time with my husband (soon to be ex) and one of the things he told me as a reason for not wanting sex with me anymore was that he thought I needed to lose weight. I’ve never been stick thin but have been pretty happy with my body. Even after having 3 children, including a twin pregnancy, I was pleasantly surprised at how well I thought my body handled it. Then the one comment from my husband made me feel worthless and ugly. I found this website when I was pregnant with my twins and I always thought how wonderful it was that women were brave enough to share all of themselves. Women are beautiful no matter what shape, scar, stretch marks etc and I wanted to include myself in this mentality.

~Age: 35
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 3 births (1 set of twins)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 yr old and 1 yr old twins

051710-anon-1

I Remember… (Mary)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 32 Comments

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth by c-section
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months

I remember being 4 and 5 years old and looking down at myself in the bathtub and thinking I was fat.
I remember being in 2nd grade and looking down at myself (in my too tight school uniform because we were too poor to get a new one) and feeling fat.
I remember being 10 and being the first one in my class to get boobs (and feeling fat.)
I remember being 13 and getting my 1st period (and new braces, and pimples, and a REALLY bad haircut) and feeling fat. I remember being in love with the cutest boy in class and finding out that he was in love with the skinniest and prettiest girl in class (and feeling fat.)
I remember being 14 and starting High School and not knowing anyone and hearing all the other girls talk about sex and cheerleading and how fat they all were (even though they really weren’t) and I thought, “wow if they think that they are fat then i must be REALLY fat”.
I remember being 15 and going to another High School and making only one friend who of course had curly red hair and sparkling smile and a great outgoing personality and all the boys loved her and didn’t even look at me me (and feeling fat.)
I remember the summer before i turned 16 when I was in love with another boy who toyed with me, and cheated on his girlfriend with me which i thought was his proof that he really wanted to be with me (and i let him kiss me and touch me because for the first time in my life my pants were falling off of me and i felt kinda pretty (even though i still kinda felt fat).
I remember being 16 and starting yet another new school and finding out from my doctor that the reason i was so skinny was because i was sick and they had to fix it and fixing it meant i would gain all that weight back which meant that i would be fat again (even though i never really felt skinny.)
I remember being at junior prom and looking up at my best friend and realizing i was in love with him and when he looked back i got nervous and paranoid and had to run to the bathroom to make sure that I still looked ok.
I remember being 17 and watching him date a tiny wisp of a girl instead of me.
I remember taking thyroid pills which made me go from 124 to 140 in less than 2 months and there was nothing i could do about it.
I remember starting college and not having time to eat right and just grabbing fast food whenever i could and gaining 15 lbs and being bigger than any of my friends.
I remember being proud of who i was and refused to diet bc I’d rather be fat and happy then thin and deprived (but i still felt fat.)
I remember starting a ballet class and looking around and seeing all the willowy waify girls with their slender backs and upper arms and long limbs and i was so short and squat with thick muscular legs and i thought “i’ll never be like that, why should i even bother to try” and i ate for comfort and gained even more weight and felt even more fat.
I remember summer came and i lost all the weight because there were too many other fun things to do besides eat and I went down to 143 and i thought i looked damn good and my pants started to fall off me again and my mother said i looked good but “5 more lbs and you’ll be perfect.”
I remember meeting a boy. A perfect boy (even though he plays too many video games and watches too many cartoons.) I remember falling in love with a new person for the first time since that not-so-fateful prom night back in junior year.
I remember having sex for the first time and being on top and praying that i wasn’t crushing him.
I remember him telling me he loved me and looking at me like i was the most beautiful person in the world.
I remember being terrified of getting pregnant and having to go on birth control.
I remember not realizing i was gaining weight until one day i couldn’t put my jeans on and i got on the scale and it said 161. I remember my mother telling me that i was starting to look like “a fat girl”.
I remember having to drive my boyfriend to live with his parents 60 miles away and not knowing if he was going to come back home eventually or if i had to go there just to be with him and i remember the long drive back without him and me crying all the way home and stopping at a McDonald’s in a service station and eating 2 double cheeseburgers and fries and super-sizing it then feeling too full and too fat.
I remember coming home to my grandma’s and she told me that she would help me do weight watchers and that ill probably loose all the weight really quickly.
I remember losing only 6 lbs.
I remember giving up because my doctor told me it would be really hard for me to lose the weight due to that f***ing birth control!
I remember the day my boyfriend proposed to me and my mom took pictures and when i saw them all i could think of was how fat my legs looked in my sundress.
I remember being ashamed because my fiance had a six pack and i didn’t.
I remember hating the fact that he was 35 lbs lighter than me.
I remember hating the fact that i wasn’t comfortable with him picking me up (even though he is strong and could do it easily.)
I remember moving in with my fiance and i was on my feet all day and
i remember how my feet hurt and when i told my mom, she said it was because i was too heavy.
I remember standing in my bathroom, straightening my hair and my calves started tingling and i told my doctor and she told me it was because i was too heavy.
I remember being at a funeral and my cousin told me “you have such a pretty face. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little overweight.”
I remember trying on a wedding dress and having it zip up on the first try and i didn’t have to struggle at all and i felt so happy.
I remember finding out that it was a size 14 and i felt so fat.
I remember looking in the mirror and thinking i looked really good because it covered so much of me up.
I remember my grandmother telling me i looked good (except for my back and arms.)
I remember wishing i had a prominent collarbone like the skinny bride-to-be in the next dressing room.
I remember my mother telling me that she would get that weight off of me “if she had to beat it off.”
I remember getting on my scale 2 weeks later and being shocked that it said 169.
(I remember thinking I was fat at 124.)
I remember looking at old pictures of myself and saying “wow, i wasn’t really fat at all.”
I remember getting married and wearing a corset underneath that squeezed me so tight i felt like i would faint.
I remember gaining and losing the same 15 lbs over and over again, never going below 160.
I remember getting pregnant.
I remember gaining 30 lbs in 30 weeks (which is pretty darn good) but then developing pre-eclampsia in the last week and gaining 15 lbs of so much water that i could press on my legs and the mark would stay.
I remember being 215 lbs on the night of my c-section. I remember not even being able to move (but barely since i was so high on magnesium.) I remember losing 30 lbs within 3 weeks and being so proud of myself, but then it stopped and i haven’t lost a thing since, even with the breastfeeding.
Now my son is 5 months old and I’m 20 lbs heavier than before i got pregnant. I look in my closet and see all the clothes i cant fit into anymore. I put on the only jeans i own that I can button and see my stretchmarked stomach hanging over the top of them. I cry as i pull on a pair of maternity pants. I hate dieting but i hate eating, looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I cry to my husband that i feel fat. Where before he would tell me that I’m perfect and beautiful and he loves me so much and he doesn’t want to see me unhappy, now he tells me, “well, work out.”
i should celebrate my body. I carried a human being! I had a difficult delivery and we came out healthy and happy and whole. I should be proud of what i have done and it shouldn’t matter what I look like. and i will do it all over again (and maybe even again after that.)
I’ve never been able to get into a bikini and it seems like I’ll still never be able to.
so I should get used to it.
and celebrate my body!
with a piece of cake…
haha ok maybe not…

Struggling to accept this new body and dealing w/ hypothyroidism (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Thyroid Issues 8 Comments

Age: 29
Number of pregnancies: 2
Number of births: 1
Age of baby: 18 months

My story is a very familiar one. My baby was born 18 months ago via C-section due to “maternal exhaustion.” I was pushing for going on 3 hours when, after hours of nothing to eat or sleeping, I just couldn’t anymore. My scar has healed nicely but my beautiful son has given me this horrific belly pouch and back fat that I never had pre preg. I also developed hypothyroid after having him. I was breastfeeding and eating normally and just kept gaining weight. It is so frustrating and heartbreaking. I am a size 16 now and I was a size 12 pre preg so in reality, I don’t have much to go. Still trying to get my medication adjusted to the correct dosage. Discovering this website has been such a huge support for me. I know I am not alone in this struggle to accept my new body. I have a lot of people around me asking about my weight loss, how come I haven’t lost any, and do I plan on losing weight. I desperately want to but I have realized feeling healthy is the most important. I am starting a new gym regimen next week. If I maintain my current weight, I suppose I will be happy because it means I haven’t gained.

SOAM has given me such a sense of empowerment. Having my son is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. Having the scar, belly pouch, and droopy breasts are a small price to pay for such a blessing. And my husband has been amazingly supportive and doesn’t seem to mind these new changes.

The photos were taken today.