Update

I wouldn’t trade my baby boy for the world, but I would trade my postpartum body… (Victorian)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

I love being a mommy but what I don’t love is the muffin top, stretch marks and saggy skin that I am left with. I went in for an induction on the 6th of August at 5pm I was in labor till 930 on the 7th when I had only dialated 2 centimeters and they did a c-section. It was upsetting but best for my baby. He was born 9lbs 7oz and 21 inches long. My baby boy will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and I am still fighting my postpartum depression. I don’t want to eat, leave the house, or have any company over. I can’t seem to pull myself out of this funk. I am so disgusted with my body and I feel terrible because my poor fiance tries so hard, but everytime he touches me or tries to compliment on how good I look my skin crawls. I hate my body and I don’t know how to cope. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and love my body again. I am 5’11 my pre pregnancy weight was 150 and I have always been in good shape. At 40 weeks I was 211! 3 weeks out I am now 176 slowly losing the weight. Seeing everyones post and knowing that my body will never be the same upsets me. I wish I had the confidence and love for my new mommy body.. I have heard that the belly is the hardest to lose and the stretch marks will never go away. I feel like the more weight I lose the more indented and ugly my stretch marks become. I can’t wait to get back into the gym and its so hard knowing I have to wait 6 weeks. I really hope that once I am able to start I won’t be disappointed and it will help me start feeling better about myself..

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 weeks

Updated here.

Update – Proud Mother of Four (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Previous post here.

I just would like to share my current pics!! i am now 6 mths into my weight loss and though its been a long and slow process its process!!! As my posting stated at the time I weighed 169, I am now 154. I have lost a total of 38lbs so far and still have more to go. I love to hear people tell me how great I look and how skinny i look…of course with clothes on lol! It is hard work but totally worth it and its wonderful how my friends or random people tell me how I have inspired them!!

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

Previous post here.

age: 23
pregnancies:2
births: 2
age of children: 2 and 3

It has been a little over a year since I have posted on TSOAM and it had been one heck of a year.
After I posted my first entry and reading some inspiring stories on here, I have decided that I cannot accept my body the way it was.
Not because I felt hideous but because I felt unhealthy (I was overweight at 4’11” 135-140 pounds)

Dancing was one of my biggest passion but because of my weight gain, I couldn’t do much. That’s when I switched gear and embarked on a journey to transform my body.

I’m not done yet, I haven’t reached my goal, but I did reach milestones.

I have lost inches off my waist and thighs (not sure how much though), dropped 10 pounds (currently teetering between 123-125), and I am able to dance again without feeling too much discomfort from fat flapping around (except I still kind of feel it in my tummy).

I hope to pass along the torch of inspiration to someone else as many of you guys have done for me and to remind you that your body is beautiful and if you’re not satisfied, you CAN do something about it!

here are my pictures.

1 Year PP & Positive Body Image (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Previous post here.

25yrs old
2 births
33 months and 12 months; 12 months pp

I am 12 months postpartum this month. I posted about 4 months ago here. I have always had body image issues and had an eating disorder as a teen. When I meet my husband at age 21 I had a healthy body weight for the first time and felt mostly good about myself. After my first pregnancy I gained weight and the self hate began. After my second pregnancy I decided the self hating had to end. I am worth loving just the way I am. I am beautiful. I am powerful. Its been a year now into my journey and I’ve made amazing progress. This site helped me a lot. After posting my 7 month pp photo, the picture was used on the yahoo article written about the site*. At first I was crushed by the negative commenters on yahoo and asked the picture be taken off the article. But the more I thought about all those crazy, mean comments on the article (yes, I read all 300!) the more I realized how wrong they were. How silly they were. How LAUGHABLE they were. And also, how cute my picture was. In other words, its was major therapy for me, and it was a blessing in disguise! I’m honestly loving my body. I think more positive thoughts daily than negative ones, and I’m quick to realize the silliness of my negative thoughts. I’m very proud of myself and I’m going to continue working on my positive body image.

*NOTE FROM BONNIE, site admin: When working with the media, I am careful to ONLY offer them photos that I have been specifically granted permission by the women who share them. In this case, the photo was taken without my consent and as soon as Emily contacted me I asked them to remove it and they did so fairly quickly. Emily, again, I am so sorry, but I am glad some good growth came out of a bad situation. Good for you!

Some pictures of my body at 12months pp & my sweet 1yr old boy.

Afraid of Second Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

First: I am very grateful for this site, it has helped me so much to accept my body.
Second: I’m not a native English speaker, I’m trying my best but don’t be surprised if you find some mistakes. :-)

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
18 months pp, 7 weeks pregnant

I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned but I knew from the very first moment that I would keep the baby and my boyfriend also accepted the thought of becoming a dad. My pregnancy was relatively easy, some morning sickness, some back pain, but nothing serious. I liked my growing bump and my body until I found out that my boyfriend watched porn. I mean I knew that he had done this before but during my pregnancy it had gotten crazy, I couldn’t leave the room without him switching on the computer and starting his little films. I asked him to stop it but he didn’t. He refused to have sex with me, kept watching porn instead and it shattered my self esteem. I started hating being so big. Then at 35 weeks I discovered the first stretch marks on my belly. Somehow I always thought I wouldn’t get them because my mother didn’t get one with two pregnancies. I hated my body and cried a lot and I was so relieved when my water broke at 38 weeks. I had to be induced and labor was hell, after 15 hrs my son was finally born with 3000g (6.61 lbs) and 49cm (19.29 inches). The next day I saw that the underside of my belly was covered in purple stretch marks. I was disgusted, I had never seen a woman with stretch marks before.

Losing the weight (I had gone up from 57kg (125 lbs) to 73kg (161 lbs)) was no problem thanks to breastfeeding and also I started working out again 2 months after I had given birth. But I still hated my saggy boobs (I got shrinking stripes on them when I stopped breastfeeding after 10 months. SHRINKING stripes!), the extra skin on my belly and, most of all, my stretch marks. Nobody in my family has them, neither do my friends, they were all like “Didn’t you use moisturizer?”. Of course I did, several times a day. My boyfriend said things like “They will go away, right? You will go back to normal, right?” Um, no. They just recently faded, they were purple for months. Hating my body, dealing with my bf’s ongoing addiction to porn, having a baby that cried endlessly – I hated my life. I think I might have developed a depression, but I never went to the doctor to have it confirmed or treated.

Those dark months eventually passed, my boyfriend finally understood that he was seriously hurting me (I had started to cut myself, something I hadn’t done since my teenage years), my son stopped crying all day and all night long and I felt better overall.

Although I am still the only person I know that has developed stretch marks during pregnancy, I finally came to terms with my body. It could have been worse. They are not all over my belly. I still don’t like to see myself in the mirror and I’m not sure if I will wear a bikini this summer (or ever again), but at least I don’t cry over my body constantly anymore (only on bad days).

And now I’m pregnant again. It was planned this time and I am currently 7 weeks along. I am terribly afraid of getting more stretch marks, since I already know that my genetics suck when it comes to this. I hope I can avoid them by limiting my weight gain to 20 lbs and working out a lot. I am currently 53kg (117 lbs) at 167cm (5.48 ft). I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and hope I can keep this routine up as long as possible. In my first pregnancy I stopped working out when I was 7 months along because I had 2 jobs and went to the university and just didn’t find the time to go to the gym regularly. Hopefully I’ll be more disciplined this time!

Pictures:
I don’t have any prepregnancy pictures of my belly because I never really liked my body.
#1: 36 weeks pregnant. First stretch marks visible.
#2 and #3: me now, 18 months pp and 7 weeks pregnant

Updated here.

32 weeks pregnant and stretchies have started… (Toni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Age – 24
Currently 32 weeks pregnant with #1

When I first discovered I was pregnant I became increasingly curious about predicting what my body would be like during and after pregnancy, and so I started to stalk this site. Although I wasn’t overweight when I fell pregnant, I have always been very self-conscious in my body as I was overweight during early high school and had stretch marks from puberty. I stocked up on Bio Oil and Cocoa butter, but knowing my mum and sister didn’t get any during their pregnancies, I was hoping genetics would save me.

I am so embarrassed to say that I was/am petrified of stretch marks and constantly worried that I am never going to feel confident or sexy again. I know that the little human growing inside of me is worth every mark, but it’s so hard to see the bigger picture. I have been with my Boyfriend for 7 years, and I love him so much. I know that he will still love me post-pregnancy, but I am scared that he won’t be attracted to me any more. My stretchies have only just begun and I know they will get bigger and bring friends :D over the next 8 weeks. I just hope that I can ‘get over it’ and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

Pictures of me now at 32 weeks from both sides and a picture of me at 10weeks pregnant.

Toni xox

Updated here.

Something Occurs to Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 4 Comments

4 pregnancies 1 miscarriage and 3 births.
Ages of children: 4 years, 15 months, 2 weeks old.

Having posted on here about 4 years ago after the birth of my daughter (Michaela Marks) I thought I’d revisit the site to hopefully encourage others.

I now have 3 children in total (see above), and, at the age of 37, I AM DONE!! Lol.

Like many of you, I struggled from my teen years to love my body. I did the whole thing: Anorexia, self loathing, social paranoia, trying to cover up stretch marks with clothes, makeup or self tanning cream. Tried loads of “stretchmark remedies” none of which ever worked: the only thing they work to do is give you a great way to waste your money while providing false hope – not a great investment I’ve decided. Lol. ;p

I was never “overweight” – maybe 10 or 15 lbs ever at the most – but I had stretchmarks from a very early age – purely caused by growth spurts going through puberty. Some on the back of my legs, hips, my whole backside is covered in the rascally little things. Then, when I got pregnant, my once beautiful, spotless, toned tummy got a bunch of stretchmarks too. What are you going to do though eh? Like I said … I’ve never been overweight – even through my pregnancies, so really … there was nothing I could have done to prevent any of it. (If you want to see pics, visit my link above).

I rubbed all the useless creams on: Bio-Oil, Palmers Cocoa Cream, some other stuff I can’t remember the name of – at $100 a bottle, it would be nice to remember the name: Denevoux or something like that – all products were a waste of time.

Now, here I stand, 2 weeks after the birth of my third child and I’m about 5’8 and 15 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight of 133. I’ll get back there – I’m not worried about it. I would post new pictures of what I look like now, but I’m too lazy to get the camera and upload them. Sufficed to say, that my tummy is a little more devastated then it was after the first baby … but at least I still have a stomach! It helps when I want to consume mass quantities of See’s Chocolate Bordeauxs. Lol. Mmmmm. Slurp!

The reason I write now though is because, in my ripe old age of 37 (lol), something occurs to me: What my body looks like really doesn’t matter.

I mean, really – who cares?

Who cares besides me?

And why do I want to waste my time self obessessing when I can use my energies and point them outwards onto other people like my children, my husband, my extended family, my friends, others who may be in need and can use my help?

With all the suffering, pain and hardships in the world – do I really want to spend even one minute of my time sweating what I look like physically? Especially when I am healthy and able bodied, and have been blessed with wonderful kids, family and friends? How self defeating and what a waste of time that would be – what a waste of time it IS for so many of us women who live in the Western world and allow ourselves to be distracted, on a daily basis, by things that ultimately really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

For example, thinking about it, the most beautiful, life filled, giving, caring person I know is an Aunt of mine whose body also happens to suffer the ravages of child birth. But when I think about her, I don’t think about her body – I think about how her existence is such a positive influence on those around her. How, to many people, she is the most amazing person they know – just due to her giving heart and her willingness to offer love and help to all around her. She is other people centered – not self centered.

This is what I want to be like too.

I am not perfect. Even if I were “perfect” I wouldn’t be perfect – not in this world. Salvador Dali said: “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it”.

We just all need to stop self obssessing and get on with life. Just get on with it. Instead of spending time in front of the mirror lamenting what “once was” – we should spend that time working for charity, or taking our children to the park, or teaching our daughters how to make a difference in the world through their loving actions towards others and not because of what they may, or may not, look like physically.

We all have fantastic potential and influence as mothers. Frankly, for me, if someone doesn’t like my stretchmarks, or belly button (which now looks more like the mouth of a wide mouthed bass than a belly button lol), those people can go “Pound Sand”. Seriously … I don’t have time for nonsense like that. I’ve got children to raise, I’ve got people to love on, I’ve got work to do, I don’t have time to worry about nonsense.

What are we going to be remembered for anyways? When it’s all said and done? We’re going to be remembered for how we affected people; we are going to be remembered for the type of people that we are/were. I’ve never seen a eulogy which stated things like: “And after having 3 kids … she had a PERFECT body”. Nope … that doesn’t happen (because having a perfect body is something that just really doesn’t matter) …

Love yourselves and your children – don’t sweat the small stuff. Get to work! :) Peace and love to you all.

Still Struggling, but Starting to Accept It (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Age:21 almost 22
Previous Post here.
Pregancies: 2, Births: 2 Boys.

Hi My name Autumn and This is my Second Post, Its been Alil over 2 years since I last posted. Theres alot to update on My last post was in October 2010, I was 8 months pp with my first son, A month later in Nov 2010 I found out I was pregnant with my second son. They both were VIA c-Section, Hunter was 9’5 Kaige was 8’8 So I had big babies. Since My last post iv been through a birth of a second son, Weight up and down, Loosing our house on christmas day, and Moving back in with my mom, Loosing jobs and Getting new ones, I will admit i dont feel as bad as I did in my last post About my body, I know It created life and that My Man is not going anywhere, Hes been there for me through thick and Thin and was there for both the boys birth and is there and is such a good father. I gave birth to my second son In auguest 2011 So as of right now I am 21 months PP with my Second Son, Since the birth Of my second son I have Lost About 50 something pounds and now am down to 124 pounds, I was 108 when i got pregnant with my first one. But my body still isnt in pre baby shape. I just wish i didnt have the pooch because it hangs over my c section, I think its because I had big babies and Had a c section. Thanks for listening.

The pictures are me 21 months pp

155 (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Previous submission here.

My age: 28
I have had one birth so far, and am 22 weeks pregnant with my second.
My daughter is 2 years and 9 months old.

I was 155 pounds when I posted my first entry, 3 weeks after my daughter was born. I was optimistic about losing 15 pounds.

I was 155 pounds when I posted an update on my daughter’s first birthday. Since I hadn’t really tried, I knew those 15 pounds would be easy to lose.

I was 155 pounds when I got my second positive pregnancy test, when my daughter was 2 years and 5 months old. I realized those 15 pounds weren’t going anywhere, but I was okay with it.

And two weeks ago, at 20 weeks pregnant, I stepped on the scale, saw 155, and squealed in delight. Then ran out, got my husband, and made him come back and see.

My weight hasn’t really bothered me since I became a mother. I love my shape, I’m okay with that. What I hate is being unfit. Of huffing and puffing after walking up stairs, or chasing my toddler around. I had this fear that if I ended up holding on to 15 pounds after every pregnancy, I WOULD end up hating my weight.

I decided that this time around, I would eat better and exercise, with the hopes that my maternity pants would still fit at the end. Apparently I jinxed myself. The day my period was due, I ate a plate of nachos and left for work—and very nearly threw them up on the way there. Nausea is nothing out of the ordinary for me, but when my normal coping measures did NOTHING throughout the night, I knew something was up. I stopped on my way home, got a pregnancy test, and sure enough it was positive.

By 4 weeks and 5 days I was on Zofran and barely functioning. I am emetophobic; I have been afraid of vomit and vomiting for so long that my body literally can’t do it anymore, until the situation is so dire I’m begging for relief. Severe nausea also causes panic attacks, the lightheadedness and racing heart are really “helpful” when you feel like you’re already miserable. I am going to clarify that I have not vomited in either pregnancy (though not for lack of trying sometimes). I “just” spend 24/7 with this horrible, debilitating nausea that NEVER GOES AWAY, and an aversion to almost every food imaginable. There were days when I’d drive 20 minutes to the nearest Panera because the only thing I could even consider stomaching was an apple cinnamon crunch muffin. I’ve discovered that people don’t take nausea—as an ailment on its own, and not as a precursor to vomiting—seriously. The response to throwing up is “oh, are you okay?!”, but the response to nausea is, “suck it up and deal with it, at least you’re not throwing up!” The nausea and resultant dizzy spells were so bad that I quit my job when I was 10 weeks—something even my first pregnancy didn’t make me do. I never thought I’d be so desperate to gain weight. (Being upset about not gaining weight doesn’t gain you any sympathy, either, by the way).

I was 153 pounds, naked, when I found out I was pregnant. At my 8 week appointment I was 154 pounds, clothed. The lowest I saw was 146. The nausea started to improve around 18 weeks, and finally at my 20 week appointment I weighed 157. I was twice threatened with hospitalization for IV fluids/nourishment, but I managed to scrape by without it. As of three days ago I’m down to one Zofran a day, as part of getting-out-of-bed routine. I am hopeful.

Despite all of this, I LOVE being pregnant. I love the pregnant shape and watching my belly grow. I pick out clothes based on how well they show off my bump. I love those relaxed second-timer muscles that are giving me a bigger belly than I had last time (I do NOT love the relaxed second-timer round ligaments, though). I love feeling my second little girl dance around, a joy I never really got with my first because of her anterior placenta and her apparent predilection for hanging out wrapped around my spine. I am planning a VBAC, and I’m really hopeful for breastfeeding this time around (I nursed for 13 months with my first, but flat nipples, the cesarean, and a tongue tie made it hell at first). I’d have 12 kids if I thought I could handle it, just to continue being pregnant…but as it is we’re settled at three. The thought of going through the nausea even one more time is enough to stop me at three.

This picture is yesterday, at 22 weeks pregnant. Every week we take a picture and the weird shadow annoys me, but then I forget to try to fix the lighting the next week, so I guess I’m stuck with it. I’ve been going back and forth on not cropping my face out, but in the end I couldn’t get comfortable with the idea of having a fully nude photo of all of me on the internet where anyone can see. Maybe next time…

Updated here.

Update (Dalena)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

Previous post here.

In my first post I had given myself a goal weight of 140lbs-145lbs to be reached within a year… Its been a year and I haven’t made it. I stopped dieting however I still ate fairly healthy. And I wasn’t working out as much as I should have been. I’ve increased my goal weight by 10lbs based on how I feel. If I ever make it to my original goal I will be thrilled if not I’m okay with it. I’ve accepted my body as it is. My only goal now is to be healthy and fit. Still for Chanel who just started walking!! Yay!!

For those who didn’t read my previous post I was 230 on delivery day… I lost 30 lbs the first 2 weeks after delivering via c-section. At 5 weeks postpartum I had only 8lbs to lose to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 185lbs. Today I am 175lbs… 10lbs under the weight I was at my first prenatal appt. That’s a total of 55lbs lost since delivery day. I’m now working towards my new goal. Hoping to lose 25lbs by my birthday in August. I’m eating 1200 calories a day and going on hours long walks. Hopefully I’ll make it this time. I definitely have more motivation then I did before… Edamame is my new favorite snack!!

Thank you for reading.

Pictures below are of me today. 1 year and 5 weeks pp