Submissions

Closing in on D-Day (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 8 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 23
Pregnancies/births: currently pregnant with first

Hello again. This is gonna be a long one… I’ve been checking this site nearly every day since I first found out I was pregnant. I thought it was great, especially since I had so many fears and hangups about what I would look like after I gave birth. Well, I’m nearly 36 weeks now, and I gotta say, I’m sick of being pregnant, and would be willing to put up with almost anything if it meant I’d never have to be pregnant again. I have yet to feel that warm, wholesome feeling I hear women talk about: how they are a vessel for life, the miracle of birth, etc. My mother-in-law goes on and on about how she looooooved being pregnant, and if she could, she’d always be pregnant. I hear that and it scares the crap out of me because I don’t know how anyone can enjoy this, and I’ve had a ridiculously easy pregnancy. At least I don’t resent my soon-to-be son for what his gestation is doing to me. I just want him to thank me by hurrying up and finishing baking.
If you read my other posts, you’ll know I had an eating disorder for many years. And just before my pregnancy I relapsed pretty hard and was making myself vomit about 14-21 times a week. I immediately stopped when I discovered I was pregnant (I admit to a few week moments, but I’ve been doing everything in my power to ensure my son is born strong and healthy). My issue with this– as anyone who has ever dieted knows– is that I thought I knew where to start my “Preggo-Pounds Watch.” I thought I should start counting as soon as I found out I was pregnant (155 lbs) but maybe I should have started counting when I started eating regularly again… Everyone knows when you go back to eating regularly after a diet that you gain it back and then some… So maybe I don’t know how much I’ve actually gained? I’m trying to make peace with that. I was 186 lbs this morning, but I honestly can’t figure out how I’ve gained that much. The last few weeks I haven’t had much of an appetite. So now I’m in this “should I even care?” limbo that is SO not like me.

At my last appointment I asked my doctor about my back pain. I wish it were sciatica so I could just feel that pleasant electrocution run down my leg. But no, it’s not. It’s a small area the size of a quarter that goes from 0-9 on the pain scale with no warning (it doesn’t get worse or better, it either hurts like hell or it doesn’t). Walking, getting out of bed, moving my foot from the gas to the brake, putting on socks, rolling over… anything that required my right leg to move would make that one little area stab me. Basically the doctor said, go to physical therapy or ride it out. Because apparently that’s my pelvis coming apart *sigh* And just for the sake of saying it: GROUP B STREP TEST SUCKS. I know you’re all thinking it, so don’t pretend like you’re not. I had the option of doing it myself, and that was bad enough…

My older sister was my pregnancy-due-date-buddy; but she started leaking amniotic fluid at 32 weeks. They kept her in the hospital until 35 weeks and she gave birth a few days ago. When I got the first pictures of my second nephew, I couldn’t believe it… he’s so small… I really feel like I couldn’t look away. One of these red, wrinkled creatures was going to be in my arms soon; going to come home with me. It was a weird feeling. My mom called me afterward, asked me if I was okay because I was *still* pregnant and my sister wasn’t, lol. I’m a little jealous she has an October baby.

All-in-all, I’m really doing my best to be “okay” with my weight gain. It’s not easy for someone like me. It’s like locking someone who’s claustraphobic in a closet for nine months. I asked my husband to hide the bathroom scale so I’d stop weighing myself five times a day– he didn’t hide it all that well, but now I only weigh myself every few days. I don’t know how I could have gotten this far without him helping me every step of the way. About once a week I freak out about my weight; I almost hyperventilated when I found my first stretch mark and it took him nearly 3 hours to calm me back down (I now have five small ones, all on the underside of my belly); he’s always telling me I’m beautiful and that he’s positive I’ll go back to my pre-baby body within a few weeks (my mom said she did this in 6 weeks without any exercise… so I’m kinda hoping those genetics were expressed in me).

Some people have told me why should I worry about my weight, I’m gonna have a whole lot more to worry about once my son arrives. I was pretty nervous at first, about being a mom, that is. But I’ve read a lot, accepted that no mom is perfect and that as long as I don’t try to be supermom, I’ll do a great job. I know I’ll have no trouble loving him, he’s a little piece of his father, and I love *him* more than anything. Even being a military wife and knowing my husband won’t be here to help me for some of it doesn’t worry me. I know I’m strong, and that me and my husband together are even stronger. So I’m not really worried about motherhood at all. It shouldn’t be too much longer now, though. Only 24 days, if I deliver right on my due date. Doc says Baby Aleksandr is in the heads-down position, that’s one step closer!! When I finally get my first real contraction, I might cry with joy. I have the entire Month Nine and Labor and Delivery chapters of What to Expect memorized right now.

So as for how I’m feeling as I write this…. I’m tired of not being able to see my feet. I’m tired of having that pain in my back. I’m tired of my bladder being abused. I’m tired of my ribs getting kicked. I’m tired of sleeping away half the day. I’m tired of grunting when I roll over or try to get out of bed. I’m tired of that tight, I’m-gonna-pop-feeling taking up my entire torso. I can’t wait to be able to run again. I can’t wait to be able to touch my toes without holding my breath. I can’t wait to have a body that moves normally again. And the strange thing is, when I focus on all those things— being able to run, not having a watermelon bouncing on my pelvis, touching my toes, and yes to make freaky love to my husband— I don’t even care about how my body looks. If I never lose all my baby weight, if my skin remains stretched out and my belly button gets that live-in look… I’ll still get to own my body again and be able to physically do all the things that are so hard/difficult/impossible to do right now. Even with flab and stretch marks weighign me down, I think I’ll feel lighter than air….

First pic: 29 weeks
Second pic: 31 weeks (at my baby shower)
Third pic: 34 weeks
Fourth pic: 35 weeks
Fifth & sixth pic: 36.5 weeks

Updated here.

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age:23
Number of Births:1
Post Partum: 2 months

On August 23rd I delivered a beautiful baby girl. My husband and I had gotten pregnant accidentally, but decided that we would start our family a little earlier than originally planned. I was pregnant during the summer and was absolutely miserable. I hated seeing all the other girls still able to wear their cute summer clothes and showing off their flawless bodies. When I was about 5 months pregnant the doctor weighed me and told me not to gain anymore weight (I had gained 25 lbs). Part of me was angry at her and hurt, thinking that she was calling me fat. Now I look back and I am thankful. From 5 months on I was very careful of what I ate and started to food journal and count calories as well as walking 2.5 miles each day. I couldn’t believe the changes my body went through with the weight gain. The stretch marks scared me and the bloating made me feel disgusting. I couldn’t wait to give birth and be able to diet and workout. We made the decision to breastfeed, which has put my diet plans on hold. I am proud of my body and realize that i got off a lot easier than most. I had an extremely easy vaginal delivery (after being a full two weeks late and having to be induced). I am struggling to accept my “new” body and have found so much hope and help in this website. I don’t feel so helpless. I now know that it takes time for things to tighten back up… and that somethings will never be the same. I am happy to say that i have a very supportive husband who still finds me sexy and still loves being intimate. Below are pictures of me at 2 months postpartum.

11 Months Postpartum/ Mother of Two (Irie Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 16 Comments

I got pregnant when I was sixteen and had my first child at the age of 17. I was so unprepared for what pregnancy was going to do to my body! I ended up gaining 50 pounds in a short period of time and I have stretch marks EVERYWHERE! On my stomach, Big ones on my hips, the sides of my thighs and all over my breasts and butt! Ah the things we sacrifice for our children. I don’t really even mind the stretch marks I have! I am a little proud of them but I wish I didn’t have so many! The thing that I am really dissappointed with is my breasts. They used to be so beautiful and my areolas were small and they weren’t as saggy. I breastfed both of my children. I got pregnant again at 19 and had my son at 20. I breastfed him for a much longer time then my daughter and it did a toll on my breasts. I know one day I’ll probably choose to get a tummy tuck or maybe even a breast lift because I feel that I will never be happy until I look better. But for now, my husband loves me the way I am!

Prepregnancy weight: 128
First pregnancy weight-178
Post pregnancy weight-127
Second pregnancy weight-160
Post pregnancy weight-138

My daughter is 3 and a half and my son is 1.

My body has been destroyed, and I’ll have nothing to show for it. (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom

Age – 18
Number of pregnancies – 1

I’ve been on this site countless times, reading other women’s stories because I am trying to cope with how much my body is changing, and have been debating for months now on whether to post my story or not. Well, it’s a bit long, but here goes!

I was 17 and a senior in high school when I found out I was pregnant, and had only been sexually active for less than two months. THAT’S IT. I’ve always been the good girl in my class and people have disliked me for it, because for some reason to them it was disgraceful that I didn’t do drugs, drink, party, or have sex. I’d never even had a boyfriend before the man who got me pregnant. My boyfriend and I were very much in love, and knew we would be together for a long time because we had endured a long-distance relationship for the longest time, but nevertheless, I am having the most difficult time dealing with him during this pregnancy.

I am currently almost 38 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that we are giving up for adoption to a wonderful couple that has tried to have a child for over ten years. This wasn’t my original plan, however. A week after my mom found out I was pregnant she drove me two hours away to have an abortion. I knew that there was no possible way I could parent this child or deal with the emotional aftermath of giving them up for adoption, so for me abortion was the best decision. At the clinic, however, they told me I was 15 weeks along and to have an abortion would be a two-day procedure. Obviously, we’d have to set up another appointment and come back later, much to my mother’s disappointment. She was pretty enraged by the whole situation.

After coming back home and talking it over with my boyfriend, he told me that he wanted to go through with an adoption. “Great!” I thought. Because I would be staying pregnant, all of my plans for the next year would be put on hold. A selfish thought, I know. I also thought that my belly would grow, I’d give birth, and then the whole ordeal would be over with.

I was very wrong.

Even though I haven’t eaten nearly enough to gain so much weight, it’s in my genetics to gain incredible amounts of weight during pregnancy. Pre-pregnancy I was a tiny, cute girl weighing 125 and standing at 5’ 7”, now I weigh 217 and I haven’t even given birth yet. My in-between 34 B- C boobs have gone to a 40 DD, I have acne all over my face, my back, and my chest when I didn’t have acne at all before, I have a disgusting amount of new moles and freckles EVERYWHERE, and I have deep, purple stretch marks all over my boobs, stomach, sides, butt, the tops and backs of my thighs as well as on my inner thighs, and behind my knees and on my calves. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I’m constantly in pain. Some days I can’t even get out of bed because I will be sobbing from the pain my body is in. My feet and face swell constantly to where they don’t look human anymore.

And on top of the physical changes I have to deal with, I have to deal with this emotional roller coaster of giving my baby up for adoption. Just after typing that sentence I began to cry! I find myself crying constantly now, and I don’t have support from ANYONE. I haven’t left my house (except to dr appts) in over five months because I am so ashamed of myself; my body and my decision. I spend every day in my room with only the company of my kitten, Sophie. In a day I talk to her more than I will talk to another human being in two weeks. I still live at home, and my family constantly makes remarks about my weight or the stretch marks or the acne, it’s just always something. They make fun of me. They criticize me for my choice. They talk about me when they don’t think I can hear them. And to top it all off, my boyfriend is, to put blatantly, being a butt. He is so rude to me, and even went as far as to say that he wished this wasn’t happening. HELLO! You’re the one that decided this! He tells me that my stretch marks “better be gone within a few months” and that he doesn’t even want to be in the delivery room with me when I’m in labor. I feel like I am dealing with this pregnancy all by myself, and to tell the truth, I am. No one ever offers to help me do anything. I almost 10 months pregnant and I’m still cleaning an entire house in which six people and three cats live in by myself.

I feel the kicks and movements of my baby all by myself, because there is no one to share this joy with. I wanted an abortion because I didn’t want me and my baby to deal with this lifelong choice and the effects it will have on us. I already am extremely depressed, and I know that postpartum it will only be multiplied. I still haven’t decided if I want to meet my baby after he is born, because frankly I don’t know if I can handle it.

I just turned 18; my body has been destroyed and after the grueling hours of labor I won’t even be holding the beautiful baby boy I created and nurtured for nine months. So it almost feels like I’ve done all of this for nothing.

I would have posted a picture of my entire body, but I don’t have anyone willing to take one for me so these will have to do.

Pic #1 is pre-pregnancy. (Excuse the dazed look, I was listening to someone jabbering)
Pic #2 is of my swollen feet
Pic #3 is of the stretch marks on my left inner-thigh
Pic #4 is of my side view

Updated here.

11 Weeks PP (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
11 weeks PP
Emergency cesarean

So I am 11 weeks PP and like most women am finding it hard to get used to what I see in the mirror. I don’t hate my body but I’m far from loving it. I had a pretty good pregnancy i think, high blood pressure towards the end but generally i felt pretty good. I thought the birth would be simple, painful obviously but simple and natural. It didn’t even occur to me that i could have problems. I was young and healthy and saw no reason why it wouldn’t go smoothly. During my labour the baby wasn’t getting enough oxygen, i got to 8cm dialated when i was rushed off for an emergency cesarean. When they pulled out my baby the side of my stomach tore, due to this my scar is longer than it would usually be. Still I am fine and bub is fine and thats what matters.

I have stretch marks on the front and sides of my stomach and on my thighs. My stomach is really wobbly and i still don’t fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I’m trying really hard, eating healthy and excercising at least 4 times a week but as yet not much has changed. My husband tells me I am being to hard on myself and overly critical. He tells me im beautiful and I really don’t no what i would do without his support. Sometimes i get really down on myself and my new body then i look at my wonderful husband and gorgeous son and think how can i feel sad when i have so much. I still dislike my body and i really hope to get my old body back but honestly it is a small price to pay for my beautiful son.

Picture 1 – Me 40 weeks pregnant
Picture 2 and 3 – Me right now 11 weeks pp

Aussie Mum of One! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1 abortion
Births: 1 beautiful boy
Postpartum: 22 months

Growing up, I was always a tiny build. People always assumed I had an eating disorder because I was so little but I guess I was just lucky, I could eat anything I wanted and my body couldn’t seem to store it. When I was 18, I was in a serious relationship with a guy who at the time I thought was wonderful. We moved in together and shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be a father and I was young and scared and ended up letting him talk me into having an abortion. I ended up pretty depressed afterwards and I ended up putting on about 20kg. I broke up with him when I was 20 and felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I lost about 12kg and for the first time in my life I actually liked my body. I had nice curves, I finally had decent boobs!

Then in April 2008 I had a brief fling with someone I fell head over heels for and that resulted in pregnancy. I had made my mind up that I would continue the pregnancy because there was no way I was putting myself through another abortion. After speaking to the father and spending about 2 weeks crying my eyes out while he begged and pleaded with me to terminate, I told him my decision isn’t going to change so deal with it. He didn’t like the decision and to this day he still has had nothing to do with me or my son. I spent the first half of my pregnancy with my head in the toilet bowl (whoever called it ‘morning sickness’ was clearly wrong because I had it 24/7!!). As a result of not being able to eat or drink anything without it coming back up, I ended up losing about 5-6kg. By the end of my pregnancy, I had put that weight back on, plus an extra 13kg! I loved my pregnant body, I was pretty lucky that my growing belly seemed to be the only weight I put on.

Christmas eve 2008 started with me going into labour. 13 hours of me walking around and around and around (I wasn’t dilating quick enough) and the doctors were able to break my waters. 5 hours later my beautiful son arrived into the world just after midnight on christmas morning weighing a nice 6lb 13oz.
Within a few months I somehow got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But then postnatal depression reared its ugly head and I’ve now put about 10kg on and i completely hate the way I look. My legs feel like tree trunks, my belly wobbles, my boobs sag, I now have love handles.. I can’t stand the way I look. Everyone tells me I look fine the way I am but they don’t see whats under the clothes. They don’t see what I see in the mirror. My self confidence is completely shattered by how I see myself, not to mention that I am a single mum and no guy is ever going to want to take me on when I have a child. I already know that no one will want me, as soon as a man hears I’m a mother they run a mile.

I CAN Love Me, Finally (E)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 16 Comments

This is a story about love,loss,,discovery and my young body’s journey through motherhood. I guess you can say my journey to motherhood has not been the easiest, but I wouldnt trade the expeirences I’ve had at my young age for anything. I found out I was pregnant with my first child a week before my 15th birthday. I found out while hospitalized for a suicide attempt, I was in the tenth grade,a straight A student, and a very battered little girl. I knew I was pregnant before they even told me, mothers intuition I suppose. As soon as it was a reality, a switch went off and I became this super woman. A strong and confident side of myself I had never encountered before. At the time I was broken up with the father, but right away we had the pressure to “make it work for the baby sake”, which I had a ” whatever” attitude about over the next 8 months. I was an extremely athletic cheerleader. I was 5’3 and 105lbs. Which for my build, was underweight. Ribs and backbones protruding etc. Which oddly was the most confident I had ever been about my body in my entire life. Ive always had a horrible body image for as long as I can remember. At 34 weeks pregnant I found out my son had a heart defect, I was born and raised in Alaska and they didnt have any doctors that could treat a condition of that severity, so I had one day to go home, pack, and ship myself and my mother off to Seattle. Long story short, I had a horrible birth and UW Hospital 9/11/2006 and my beautiful baby boy was immideatly taken to Childrens Hospital. I stopped weighing myself at 185lbs 6 weeks prior to his birth. I literally felt like two of myself. I went from a 34A to a 38DD. My son had open heart surgery at 4 days old, left the hospital at 3 weeks old, and spent 3 weeks at home in Alaska with us before his time here ran out. He was the most precious person I have ever encoutered and changed my life forever. I lost 30lbs right after delivery, but after his loss, I was left with ” this big,fat,strecthed out version of my old self” In my eyes I was huge going from a size 00 to a size 12 and then not having my sweet baby was a recipe for depression. I managed to get myself down to about 130(due to stress mostly) and 9 months post-partum with my son, I found my self pregnant again, this time a sweet baby girl, at the ripe age of 16. Her pregnancy was amazing, I was still self consious but I didnt really show with her until almost my 7th month and after her beautiful water birth, my healthy baby girl was here on 3/1/2008. Mine and her fathers relationship was one for the record books. He was an addict,thief,liar, and everything in between. I raised my daughter by myself, despite the fact we were actually together. After nearly 3 years of abuse I had enough, I took my daughter and moved to Washington from NC(long story how we ended up there), he was soon on his way here, all of a sudden about my daughter. He managed to come and do his damage here aka drug me, rape me, and take pictures and then leave the state. I was mortified ( found the pictures in his jeans pocket, eww). I filed charges and he skipped across the country, never looking back. After years of never “being good enough” skinny enough, flat enough, to deserve to be faithful or loving to. Once he was out of my life, I was left with, What the hell do I do now. What guy at my age is going to be interested in a battered, single mother, and an 18 year old body that has been torn apart by babies? In steps prince charming :). My body took along time to recover from two babies in 18 months. I was left saggy, stretched marked from breast to calf,cellulite, and so self critical it was sickening.At random my crush from middle school(who was everyones crush) messaged me just to say hi, and then began talking to me rather frequently and for the first time in a long time I just let my guard down and let him see the good, the bad, and the ugly right from the start. Assuming he would run away kicking and screaming I kept going, he kept staying. He was a risk,a ladies man, life of the party, insatiably good looking, and everything I never had the confidence to go after previously. This man fell in love with me just the way I was, stretched marked, battered and broken, and told me everyday what a beautiful person I was. At a time I should have felt my best I was more body conscious then ever.This body was not what he was used to looking at,and I did everything I did to hide it. This man left his whole life in Alaska and moved to Washington to be with me, switched companies, and never looked back. So here I sit 19 years old 15 weeks pregnant with my third child, another boy and Im learning to love my body for exactly what it is intended to be, a baby factory.Its an amazing beautiful thing to be born with an ability to give life to another human being from the most beautiful source, the person that you love. So I don’t look like Heidi Klum 3 weeks post par tum but who cares. My body grows, nutures, and feeds another human being and you have to be thankful for just that. It has taken me a long time to appreciate just what my beautiful baby factory can do. I know this story is long but I want to offer encouragement to any mother with a poor self image, anyone who had been sad, battered, and broken and tell you that yes you are beautiful and that there are people who will love and appreciate you for just the amazing person that you are. There is no mold for motherhood. We are the trendsetters in our own lives and now that I have a daughter I hope she can learn and appreciate the female body the way it looks in real life and not what you see on t.v. Its a constant battle for us, but its worth every scar!

Children are: Would have been 4, 2 1/2, and 15 weeks pregnant.
Age:19
Weight 105-185,130-155,115-120 pregnant
Height 5’3

Picture # 1 is 40 weeks pregnant with baby number one
Pic # 2 is my precious boy at 5 weeks old
Pic #3 is 8 months post partum
Pic #4 is the day I went into labor with my daughter
Pic #5 is about 6 months post partum
Pic#6 is my little diva
Pic #7 was 2 years post partum
Pic#8 is my current 15 week bump

I Love My Boys, I HATE My Body! (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

Age: 20
# of pregnancies/births/cesareans: 2
Age of children: 2 1/2(born:2008) and 13months(born:2009)
Postpartum: 13months as of 10/10

I got pregnant for the first time at 17, before then i had always worried about my weight and at 5’6″ 147lbs i wasn’t over weight. Now i am 286lbs and i cant stop thinking about it. Not only do i feel bad and unattractive, but i know it is bad for my health.

during my first pregnancy i didn’t really care about my weight gain, i guess i always thought it would be easy to lose later. but after i had my first son i felt (and looked like) and empty vessel. i had gained at least 40lbs during my pregnancy, though I’m not sure how sense i was vomiting the whole pregnancy. i was all stretch marked and i hadn’t really lost any weight after giving birth, which BTW i had a csection. and then i actually gained weight after the birth. so after my csection i had that as an excuse not to exercise, that and ya know being too tired and any other excuse i could think of. then me and my then boyfriend/baby daddy got married. then we decided to have another baby. and at 18 i got pregnant right away(9months after my first). and i had actually been put on pills to get my period back, which I’m sure i didn’t get cause of the weight gain. but after my first period on the pills is when we got pregnant. then yet again i really didn’t worry about how much weight i gained. i monitored it a little more but i still ate what i wanted, when i was not barfing cause yet again i had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. and at the end of my second pregnancy i had gained I’m sure at least 30lbs. and after the birth of my second son i still didn’t lose the weight. and yet again gained more after the baby was born and used the excuse again that i had a c section.

now that I’m pushing 300lbs, I’ve gone from a 38C cup to a 44 DD cup, I’m stretched marked to hell, and have horrible back, knee, and hip pain, it really is alot harder to exercise. i tire a lot easier and the pain gets almost unbearable. on top of all that, I’m really scared of exercising alone. I’ve set up dates to walk with friends and they some how always end up blowing me off. and i know that i need to just get over it and go do it. and even if i do lose the weight i do not think that i will ever be satisfied with my body again(not that i was really before). all i keep thinking is “I’m 20, my body shouldn’t look like this.” i don’t like looking in the mirror or shopping for clothes cause its just depressing, when you used to be able to pick up a size 11 or 12 and it would fit now you’re in a 20 something. my husband hates when i say things like this, about being fat and such. he doesn’t understand cause he has the high metabolism, and so hes skinny. and i know its horrible but I’m so jealous of him. he says I’m beautiful, and i just really wish that i could see it that way. I’ve read about a bunch of women who are embracing their post baby bod, and i just wish that i was that strong. and the crazy thing is while pregnant i feel so much more beautiful, but as soon as the baby is born i don’t.

I love my boys so much, they are everything to me. the only thing i would change is i would exercise and watch what i ate while i was pregnant and after.

yet again we are talking about another baby. i really do want a big family, but i know that i need to be in good health to have a healthy baby. so i want to at least get close to my pre-pregnancy size. i just wish that i knew now how to do that.

Thanks to all of you brave women for posting your stories. :)

1. before pregnancy
2. pregnant with #1
3. PP after 1
4. pregnant with #2
5. PP after 2
6. c section scar after 2
7. 13 months PP after 2
8. 13 months PP after 2
9. my 1 year old
10. my 2 1/2 year old

8 Months Postpartum (Pamela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

8 months postpartum.
20 years old
1 pregnancy and 1 birth.

My daughter is eight months one week and one day. I’ve been having a lot of issues with my body. I still have dark pink stretch marks all over my stomach, hips, lower back, inner thighs and breasts. they’ve lightened some since delivery. but not much. i was 185 before i got pregnant. and was 245 ish when i delivered. i am now 228 and cannot lose it. and ive been really struggling with it. I love my daughter more than anything. and would not trade my life with her for anything in the whole world. But i’m only twenty years old. and i want to have a twenty year old body. I mean. i would settle for twenty five considering the way things are now. i tor a disc in my spine during the delivery and it has kind of limited the things im able to do. not to mention i haven’t really felt like I’ve even had time to work out until recently. starting right now i am turning my opinion of myself around. I’m going to work really hard to get back down to my prepregnancy size. and I’m going to start trying to love my body more. because i realize now that im not the only one having these problems. I am on a mission to re-find myself and to start loving myself again!

1)Me the week before giving birth.
2) My little angel at six months.
3)Me extra pregnant. about a month before delivery.
4) Daddy, Baby, Me six weeks post partum. still the same size now. Daddy’s first diaper change he was on leave from a deployment.

Scarred for Life (Judith)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, Art, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 22 Comments

In 1991, my then 73-year-old mother visited me in Paris for my 36th birthday.
She’d made the long journey from the Dutch countryside by train, and while brewing a cup of tea, I drew her a bath.
Unable to get out of the tub she called for help.
While I’d often seen NIta in the nude as a child, it had been 30 years since I saw her completely undressed.
“Now you’ve seen it all,” she said, no doubt in response to my gaze.
She caught me taking in the slack, creamy skin of her deflated stomach, the nearly hairless pubes and surprise, surprise, her, our, my labia.
Would my body be like hers, I wondered.

A year later I was about ready to give birth.
Throughout my pregnancy I had continued my yoga practice and Jane Fonda’s exercises for pregnant women.
Fonda created the book with a midwife, who in the last chapter warned against the danger of a vaginal breech delivery.
Our breech baby Ariane Eira suffocated, just like the midwife described, during the last five minutes of her birth.
The past nearly 18 years it seems I’ve attempted to keep my stomach round, filling the empty skin, not wanting to view or face the emptiness.
The ten years following our loss I got pregnant four times, each pregnancy ending in a miscarriage.
After a “missed abortion” in 2003, I decided to stop trying to have another baby.
No longer trying to have a family, I focused on what we, my husband and I, had and could have together, just the two of us.
We got a puppy. I remember the moment I felt her heartbeat on my chest, a subtle reminder of earlier loss.

These days I’m working with a personal trainer to get back in shape, I enjoy the rediscovery of a former self.
As the fat burns away and my muscles tighten, the empty belly remains,
Other than that there’s the seldom shared, elongated scar on my perineum, which unlike the scars on my heart, is another visible proof of my motherhood.
My mother and I, so alike in so many ways, except for the daughter she got to see grow up and I had to let go before I could feel her heart beat outside of me.

55 (in November 2010)
6 pregnancies, one birth
18 years postpartum
child-loss
Collage “Starlight” ©Judith van Praag
illustration from Creative Acts of Healing: after a baby dies https://www.dutchessabroad.com/paseo-press/

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