Submissions

My Body Before and After HBAC (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Homebirth, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update, VBAC 18 Comments

Previous post here.

I had my first child via C-section after a long traumatic labor when I was 21. I was told that my pelvis was misshapen, very small, and that I wouldn’t be able to birth a baby bigger than 6 lbs. Four years later, I birthed my second child into my own hands in a pool of water at home. (He was 8 lbs. 4 oz., by the way!) Cradling him as he left my body and entered this world was the most amazing experience of my life, and was worth all the stress, stigma, and emotional upheaval of working to achieve a vaginal birth after a C-section. I feel like I can do anything now. I am so proud of what my body did, and how it proved everyone wrong who told me I would never do this. The first picture is me at 39 weeks with my second pregnancy. The next two are me today at 1 month postpartum.





Updated here.

How Fast Things Change (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Toxemia 2 Comments

It’s amazing how fast your life can change. It can be a matter of minutes, hours, days, or like in my case a matter of 3 months. In may of 2005 I graduated high school, in June I turned 18, and in July I was married. Two weeks after I was married I found out we were pregnant. The first few weeks were fine, then I developed abnormal bleeding that required weekly visit to the hospital for blood work to make sure my HCG levels were rising normally. Around six weeks along, I had my first occurrence of morning sickness. To call it morning sickness is a joke, I had in morning, noon, and night; Everyday for three months. My fourth month the morning sickness vanished and in it’s place I had lots of energy. I felt great. The only problem I had now was family members assuring me, that since I had not gained what they thought was “normal” to be that far along, I should see my doctor to make sure I was still pregnant. They were not satisfied with the answer that I was visiting the doctor and received ultrasounds at all appointments. My sixth month I started having ringing in my ears , things would go black if I stood up to fast, and I was so swollen it was painful. My doctor didn’t think anything about this at first and it wasn’t until about 6 1/2 months that he noticed my blood pressure was abnormally high. I was admitted into the hospital and stayed for two weeks. I then convinced my doctor that with medicine and my husband by my side I would be more comfortable at home in my own bed. I was released with blood pressure med’s, orders to check my blood pressure 3 times a day, and complete bed rest. My doctor also explained to me at that time that I had protein build up in my urine and that my organs were not functioning the way they should anymore. He told me that to let the pregnancy progress any farther would be a danger to the baby and my health. I was scheduled for a cesarean that would come two weeks later. The day of the surgery/birth I was terrified. I was going to the hospital childless and pregnant and coming home not pregnant and with a child. The cesarean was one of the easiest things I had to deal with the whole pregnancy. I was taken back at 10 that morning and was up by 9 that night. At 6 the next morning I was walking around the hospital and could use the bathroom on my own. The nurses told me before that my daughter would probably be NICU. That was not the case, she came out small but healthy and screaming her arrival. When we were released 3 day later, the doctor told me she was in better health than me. I however was in denial about the weight from the pregnancy itself and having toxemia. I gained right at 100 lbs. I was shocked, to go from people saying they couldn’t believe I was pregnant to later being so swollen the nurses were giving me looks of pity. Two days after walking out of the hospital I had lost 50 lbs, and lost more slowly the following weeks…..I gained almost all of it back. I went from 130 lbs to 230 on delivery day, to and now I average around 165 -170 depending on the week of the month. I am not happy with it ( I still have a lot of body image issues!!!), but I am learning I can change it and accept myself at the same time ( I just tuck that loose skin in my jeans, LOL :P ). Here are pics of me now (standing up and laying down)2 years after, one around a month ( about 7 months along) before the delivery ( white shirt), and one at 4 weeks pregnant (red shirt). I have stretch marks from shoulders down, loose skin, and a beautiful daughter! When I first had my daughter I would think to myself, for all the stretch marks I have, my daughter has beautiful smooth baby soft skin. I think it was a even trade.






Lillian Grace (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

i am a 21 year old mother & wife of a United States Marine, who is currently deployed to Iraq. for deployment number two!! Our Little blessing, Lillian Grace, was born three months into our first deployment together, and because i don’t have a constant (or – let’s be serious, ANY.) means of a man reassuring me, of how i look post-partum, i’ve come to find myself struggling recently with insecurity issues, because of how my body has changed so drastically since giving birth. i am slowly learning by excercise, books, and this wonderful website to embrace the new markings i’ve got from growing a tiny little peanut inside of me, but i have found it to be very hard very hard. i was in labor for 21 hours, and even after i had an epidural, i found the pressure of the baby moving down the birth canal, to be just as uncomfortable as the contractions! after 19 hours of labor, and restlessness, i was taken for an emergency C-section (which was the last thing i wanted!! goodbye abs!!) which turned out for the best. i now have a beautiful baby girl (who got to meet her daddy whenever she was a little over 4 months old!) who weighed in at 8 lbs. 3 oz. and i love every minute of being a mother. i am so happy to share my story, and read everyone else’s. thank you so much for helping me love my body again. God Bless America, and all those who serve at home, and abroad.








19 and insecure (Tamara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom, Update 30 Comments

my name is tamara….im 19 years old. i have a nine month old son…he is beyond the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me….seeing how i have no family…hes def the only guarantee in my life and hes my world….through all this before i had him i prlly had a playboy body lol as i may say….i still had insecurities…but now…i would give anything to have those insecurities back rather than the ones i have now…i have stretch marks from the top of my stomach all the way to the bottom of my knees!!! it just crazy to think the rest of my life i will NEVER be able to just wear shorts… or a bathing suit…not even a one peice!!!! its crazy to think this way…i hate summer now cz i have no choice but to wear sweats and tshirts….it kills me when i go shopping when i see shorts and skirts even jeans that i used to be able to wear…i dunno very depressing…i dont know what to do…one thing is i cant accept it…its just too much to handle…







Updated here and here.

1 Year of Motherhood (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

I am 24 years old. My son just turned one year old! I am amazed by how quickly the time has passed… almost as amazed as I am by women’s bodies. I have always thought that pregnant women are beautiful, but after going through a pregnancy, I understand it on such a more personal level. I loved being pregnant and wish I could just be perpetually 7 months pregnant! I felt excellent, I have never received so many compliments at any other time in my life, it was awesome! Everyday was incredible… to be able to look down and see my baby moving from the outside, never ceased to amaze me. Of course, I am not the hugest fan of what pregnancy can do to a body. I started my pregnancy at 145 pounds. I gained 40 pounds while I was pregnant, which left me mind boggled because I did EVERYTHING right! Now I am a strong believer in the fact that pregnant bodies are going to gain what they need to sustain that little life, so we need not be so obsessed with it! My weight currently fluctuates between 145 and 148. Even though I lost the weight really quickly, I do not look the same. I have extra skin and fat pockets that were certainly not there before. I, thankfully, did not get any stretch marks during my pregnancy. I think that was God’s way of saying “I gave you enough stretch marks during puberty… you have had them for 8 years, you don’t need anymore.” :) Even though I do not have the “ideal body” I just look at my son and remember the miracle that I have created with this body. My body kept him safe and warm and helped him grow big and strong for 38 weeks and 5 days. My body has nourished him for his first year of life (and still going strong.) I know that I may not look like your average 24 year old, but I am not an average 24 year old… I am a mother! I am so proud to be a mother to (who I think is) the most beautiful little boy in the world and I would not trade that for the body of a supermodel, not in a million years. All of us mothers share a special bond with our children and with each other that no one else could ever understand. We should all be so proud of what our bodies have accomplished and never be ashamed of some extra skin, saggy breast, or stretch marks… those came from our children and we wouldn’t be the same people without them! (I have included photos of me at 4 weeks pregnant, 37 weeks pregnant, and now 1 year postpartum)






Trying to learn acceptance (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

Well here it is. I am a 20-year-old mommy to be. For the last 8 years I’ve struggled on and off with an eating disorder.I wish I could say that I outgrew it and realized I had a problem and got over it, but that’s not true. I know that it’s a problem, but it’s not something that I could let go of. Like any other addiction it’s just not that easy. But I can say that since I’ve been pregnant I HAVE let it go, if only for now. I’m hoping that maybe eating normally for 9 months will have broken me of this awful habit, but you never know until you test yourself. So I can’t say I will definitely be better after Caden is born, but I can say that I will try. But here’s the good part of all this. I’m completely shocked at how easily I’ve accepted my pregnant body. Even how excited I’ve been about it. Until recently I loved absolutely everything about it, yes, I had moments where I would feel insecure but for the most part I thought my baby belly was the cutest thing. And I say until recently because in the last month I’ve gotten lots more stretch marks. At first I was getting a few on my hips and LOTS on my breasts but I was ok with that, I had expected it and they weren’t that bad so I didn’t really mind them. But then I noticed one on my belly, just one, and I totally panicked. After I’d reached week 30 and I was still virtually stretch mark free, I had rejoiced a little and relaxed about it thinking I wouldn’t get any, but then low and behold here’s this little uninvited guest invading my belly space. I have to say it took all I had not to cry, but I didn’t. Instead I just started worrying constantly that I would get more and I would be horribly disfigured. Well I did get more. A LOT more. And although I’ve seen much, much worse on other people I felt so ugly and disgusting I just wanted to sit in my room and cry. I started to really dwell on it, it was all I thought about, every day I would look at my belly and just feel completely disgusted. I didn’t even want Justin to look at me and I was totally embarrassed for anyone to know. But slowly something great began to happen. I won’t say I started to like them or think they were beautiful like some mothers do, but I started to ACCEPT them for what they were, the marks my beautiful little boy had left on my body. Proof that I had done the ultimate thing, I had created and nurtured a brand new life. I was more than just a silly little girl now, I had become a strong, amazing WOMAN. And not just any woman, a mother. Caden isn’t here yet and I still don’t know what my belly will look like after he is, it may be just awful, but I am optimistic. And even if it is terrible and I will have days, maybe even weeks where I feel terrible and unattractive, the fact still remains that I am the way I am because I brought a beautiful new life into this world. I don’t expect to look the way I did before I got pregnant, but I will work very hard to at least look my best and feel great about myself again. I know that I’ve done well and I haven’t gained 50 pounds or anything. For the most part, other than my belly I am still the same size. Of course I have gained SOME extra weight but I guess I’m really not a moose after all, lol. Along the way I’ll just have to remind myself that it was all worth it and I did a fantastic thing. Not everyone can go through an entire pregnancy and barely gain a pound and escape the dreaded stretch marks. But pounds can be lost, and stretch marks will fade. One thing that won’t, however, is my love for my little man. I know that when I finally see him for the first time it will all have been worth each and every little scar. And the first time he says “Mommy” I’m sure I’ll forget all these insecurities completely. I can only hope that his father will realize the same things I have and be more supportive. I always thought that he would be overjoyed and understanding but it turns out he’s pretty much repulsed by my new body. I know he can’t help it but it still hurts a lot, I don’t think the stretch marks would really bother me at all if they didn’t bother him. But I guess we can only see… So there’s my story, completely open and blatant honesty. Think and say what you will because this is something I needed to say. And who knows, maybe it will help another mommy deal with her thoughts and insecurities. I can only hope so. Here are some photos all throughout my pregnancy, I’ll post some more once he gets here!









Ripened by Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Ectopic, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 13 Comments

Before I got pregnant I was a very petite person. I used to worry about whether I’d manage to “stay pretty” during pregnancy, keep my weight gain reasonable, avoid stretch marks, etc. But the first time I became pregnant, unfortunately, it was an ectopic and the diagnosis was missed. The pregnancy in my left fallopian tube ruptured, I lost my tube and very nearly my life. After that reality check, I didn’t care so much about having a beautiful pregnancy – I just wanted to have a healthy one, that I could carry to completion without dying. I conceived again only months after the surgery but had an early miscarriage. We started to think it just wasn’t going to happen. I have a vivid memory of lying on a hospital gurney holding my husband’s hand, sobbing, apologizing for my apparent inability to give him the thing I know he has always wanted so very much…a child. The first photo below was taken at 6 weeks pregnant, when it was confirmed that the third time’s a charm…we had an embryo in the uterus where it belonged. It was a miracle! The egg had come from my left ovary, where we could see the corpus luteum on ultrasound, and navigated all the way across and through the remaining right-side fallopian tube into the uterus. I took the picture to document my pre-pregnancy body, hoping that this time instead of suffering a loss I would actually get as big and round as a healthy pregnant woman should. The second photo was at 36.5 weeks, just barely before my boy arrived. I love the round fullness of every curve, even though it’s never going back the way it was before…the new softness of my body is proof that it can do what it’s supposed to. No matter whether it ever becomes firm or lean again, or whether my boobs droop halfway to my knees when we stop breastfeeding, my husband and I are both grateful for the gift of a son. I love what my body has finally achieved, and will wear its new colors and shapes with happiness.





6.5 Months Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 23 yrs. old. This was my 2nd pregnancy but first born (1st on was a mc.) I was 167 lbs before pg. Went up to 210 lbs and I am now at 183 lbs. I have come to terms that this is now what my body looked like. At 167 I was in a size 11 and now I am in a size 16 (I can fit into a thirteen and actually get the zipper up now but It is still hard to breathe). But in the end I have to say it was all worth it for my beautiful baby girl.