Second Pregnancy

Love doesn’t work without intimacy; a lonely life is all I’ll have. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 21 Comments

Age- 23
Number of Pregnancies- 2

Ive came acrossed this site before, after I had my first son. I thought the stories on here were very emotional and touching.. Never did I think that one day I would be posting on here. I need to get it off of my chest, talk about it, maybe someone else is going through the same thing that I am currently going through..

I have 2 beautiful healthy little boys that brighten my life up in everyway possible. I gave up so much to make sure they had a great life, I wanted to be a loving mother. I never felt bitter about having children so young because I enjoy living my life for other people.

My first labor went quick and fast, had a 6lb baby boy born 3 weeks early at this time i was 20 . the father of this child skipped out on us when I found out I was pregnant and at that time m ex boyfriend and I became friends again.. fast track to a couple years later me and my ex boyfriend who takes care of me and my other son , we were living together and we found out shortly after i sons 1st birthday we were expecting…

I was not happy at all but he was.. all he wanted was to be a father and he was so beyond excited to have a child of his own.. We were both hoping for a girl but found out we would be blessed with another little boy. During my pregnancy I developed PUPPS I gained about 50lbs which put me over 200lbs when I delivered, I also had high blood pressure. they decided they wanted to induce me at 39 weeks because I had been 4cm dialated for about 2 weeks walking around and he didnt budge. –

Day of induction they popped my water and labor progressed. I had a midwife at the time so I began to push when it was time but the baby didn’t want to come out. I pushed for about 45 minutes. pushed veryyyyy hard and my boyfriend told me that the entire time I was pushing I was constantly pooping (gross but whatever). after a while the midwife said they needed the resident doctor because they might need to use vacume forceps or csection. I was scared I didnt want a c section. In came in the doctor, he was an older gray haired man. he didn’t seem to like me to well, idk if it was because I was 22 about to have my 2nd child. But i felt the harshness from him, he said we would try forceps… I was afraid but not too afraid. then he pulled out what could have been the jaws of life and ramed them into my vagina without any warning. the left side of my body shot out a huge twitch and my leg (which was numb) fell off the bed. I felt the pain, I felt something but didnt know what. he moved them around in order to turn the baby and he pulled the baby out…. I was so happy to finally see him. he was a beautiful 8lb baby…

but the happiness went away shortly after when I realized the doctor was giving me stitches inside of me without even telling me what was going on. he told me afterwards I tore a little bit inside, acted like it wasnt a big deal. then told me “if you hadn’t of gotten an epidural i still would of had to of done it this way”. I was upset. after the epidural wore off I was in so much pain, i cried and cried and cried. i felt like i had been ripped apart and put back together.

I couldnt get out of bed the entire time i was in the hospital. they had to cath me to empty my bladder which gave me a uti…

I struggled for months afterwards with incontinence issues, leaking urine, bowls it was a mess…. then when I was able to become sexually active again I did, and that’s when it all set in… My vagina will never be the same again…

I felt no sensation what so ever…. and neither did my boyfriend.. this man who I loved would soon realize this problem was not going away… I feel less and less like a woman everyday. I expected the stretch marks but never did I think my vagina would turn into such a ….. gaping hole…. as my boyfriend calls it now…. I eventually talked to my doctor about it but they didnt want to help me. they all said it would go back to normal and to do kegals. so I did. I eventually saw a specialist and they sent me to physical theraphy. but even the specialist looked at me like I had been promiscuos and I deserved it.

Im 23 years old, I have 2 children. my son is now a year old and after being a year PP my vagina is still not the same and it will not get better without surgery..

I am 23 years old and I can’t be intimate with the man that I love. is causing problems in our relationship and pretty soon I don’t think we will have one .. this issue has given me such low selfesteem. who would want me now? I am a mother. I gave my children life and everyday I just want to die…. some people might think Im crazy but I literally cry about this all the time. Just knowing he doesnt want to be close to me, knowing that I have nothing to offer to him, the simple things a woman and man do we cant do. and there is no way I will ever be comfortable enough to have sex with someone else . I don’t feel like a woman anymore and I feel numb going through life…. I can’t even keep a super plus tampon in…..
I’ll never get better without a surgery and when I told my boyfriend he said it would be cheaper for him to swap me in….. he never used to be this way, but I dont blame him. sex used to be fun but it’s sad now. he loses his erection Im dry and I can’t mentally try to enjoy myself I just want to cry every time because I know it doesnt feel good to him.

I feel helpless, all I will ever be now is a mom. no ones wife, no ones girlfriend, no man is ever going to want to be with me again…

Never felt more like a woman. (Jordan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

23 years old
3 pregnancies/2 births
14 months pp

Previous post here.

As mothers, our bodies may not look like they used to, but that’s OK. My body gave me my children and for that, I will be eternally grateful. It is a beautiful thing. Sure, Alot of woman may see their stretch marks, and sagging skin as a flaw or fear others will view them as unattractive.. but they are part of who we are now and, therefore, they are beautiful. We earned them and we need to appreciate them more. My body may not be magazine perfect but it’s perfect enough for me and that’s all that matters. I had an easy, healthy pregnancy with both of my boys. Labor and delivery was short, unmedicated and absolutely beautiful both times as well and if i could do it all over again.. i’d do it the same way. Epidural is not natural and not for me. I have a 3 year old and a 14 month old, They keep me busy, never cease to amaze me and they are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love me, inside and out.. I hope every single one of you reading this does or will come to feel this way about your own body and minds! Love this website.

(1) Pre-Pregnancy
(2) 8 months pregnant with second child
(3, 4) 14 months pp
(5) My boys

Update (Kathleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Previous post here.

14 months ago, I wrote a submission following the birth of my second son. Well, my baby boy just recently celebrated his first birthday, and it got me thinking about the memoir I wrote so many months ago. When I posted my story, I was, like many mothers, exhausted, adjusting to life with a new baby, and struggling with my self image. This past year has been a wonderful whirlwind, but as a mommy to two busy boys, I found it extremely difficult to find any time for myself. I wanted to lose my baby weight, but never seemed to have enough time in a day to work out. I would try to early in the morning before the kids got up, (5:30) or at night when they went to bed. It was difficult to be consistent and I was often dismayed that I wasn’t seeing any results.

I decided that I would do the best I could, when I could. But most of all, I decided to revamp what I was eating. I may not have had much control over my schedule, but one thing I could control was what I put into my mouth. I started eating clean, well – as clean as I could! And just tried to eek in a workout whenever the kids would allow – even if it was 10 or 15 minutes during the day. Well, here I stand, 65 lb lighter, and the healthiest I have ever been. And I have never felt so good about myself. I wanted to post this for all the moms out there that are feeling the same helplessness that I felt. I never thought I would lose the mommy tummy. I was resigned to the fact that I would probably have a little poofy pouch under my shirts for the rest of my days. I said I was ok with it, yet like many women on here, I researched alot about tummy tucks!

It wasn’t a quick process. It didn’t happen over night. It took 14 months of “trying” to get in a workout. But what made the biggest difference of all, was changing my eating habits.

Because I am happier with myself, my happiness spills over into many other facets of my life – most importantly, my role as a wife and a mother. To all the amazing and beautiful mothers on this site who encouraged me inspired me, and lifted up my soul when I needed it the most, thank you so much.

A Do-Over (Megan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: I’m 25
Number of Pregnancies & Births: 2 Pregnancies & Two births (3.5 yrs & 3 weeks old)

I was terrified to have another baby after my first. For all kinds of reasons: I didn’t want to get more stretchmarks (more! how would that even be possible?! I felt covered already.), I hated being pregnant the first time (I just felt fat and ugly the whole time and wasn’t too excited to re-live those feelings), I didn’t want to have to lose a bunch of weight afterwards again (it took me 6 months to even feel semi normal again last time), I’d hated all of the comments from people when I went overdue with my first (“You haven’t had that baby YET?!”) etc.

Long story short, despite all of my reasons, I really wanted my son to have a sibling so we decided to start trying for another when he was 2.5 and boom! Two months later, the pee sticks showed pregnant. I was simultaneously thrilled and scared.

How would this time be any different? Would I completely lose myself again?

Then I remembered the post I’d written on here when my son was a year old. Looking at it again was like a pep talk from my self. I COULD have a better second pregnancy! I COULD enjoy it! It was all up to me and my attitude/habits. And guess what? I did.

I took my own advice: I walked daily and I ate decently (this time I gained 28 pounds instead of 53).

I tried to dress in a way that made me feel confident and showed off my bump. And you don’t have to spend a fortune to feel good! I went to thrift stores and wore hand me downs (but only the ones that made me feel pretty!).

I grew my hair out to a length that made me happy.

I actually let people include me in pictures.

I celebrated milestones.

All in all, this pregnancy flew by and although I went overdue by almost 2 weeks (oh the comments I got this time!), I let myself enjoy being pregnant. Having my son involved made it such a special time that I want to remember forever.

Do I look like a supermodel now? Nope. Do I absolutely love my body all the time now? No way. BUT I now know, I look like the mother of two amazing children who I love more than anything and THAT’S the look I’m going for. My husband loves me and more importantly, I love myself. I also realize now that it takes time to get back to “normal” (if there even is such a thing) after having a baby. I’m in no rush.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the community of women on here who let each other know daily it’s OK if becoming a mother changed you! It’s supposed to. We’re here to build each other up and I love it. Thank you mamas, keep doing what you’re doing!

These pics are of me at 2.5 weeks postpartum after my second. I really want to start eating cleaner and getting back into the swing of doing Pilates daily but for now, my hobbies include sleeping (whenever I can!) and nursing. :)

I have a not-so-depressed tummy now. (Claire)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

2 pregnancy boys aged 4 and 2years 6 months.

Previous post here.

After alot of hard work ive lost a further 10lbs and currently weight 128lbs i wish i was 100% happy with the way i looked but i would still love to loose another 14lbs and tone up more before summer. All mums know that having kids and being a full time mum does not leave alot of “me” time. I speak to alot of mums and they all wish they had more time to work out and tone up.

I have finally got a routine where i can fit in a work out and i really feel great for it. I have been to rock bottom about the way my stomach has changed since having children and gone through so many emotions. I am an expert on tummy tuck procedures so much so that i could probably preform one in my living room .lol and read about every magical cream or diet on the planet. I have learned during the past year though that you need to work extra hard to get what you want so with my zumba,sits ups and cardio i hope i am on my way to a “normal” stomach. Its getting there i guess. I am very proud of myself i have lost over 50lbs since my second child do any other mums out there feel like they will never be happy no matter what they do? much love xxxx

Second Pregnancy, Trying to Avoid the Mistakes – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

My age: 25
Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 birth
I have a 2 year old son and I am currently 23 weeks pregnant.

Technically this is my third pregnancy since the second one ended after 9 weeks in a miscarriage, but I refer to it as my second pregnancy because it’s the second baby I’m gonna have.
After my miscarriage in July 2012 I became pregnant again immediately and I am currently 23 weeks along.
Everything is looking perfect this time and at the last ultrasound we were told that we are having another boy! I know this is a horrible thing to say, but at the first moment I was a little bit disappointed, somehow I had thought that it was a girl this time. Fortunately these negative feelings vanished and I can honestly look forward to welcoming this little boy in our lives!

With this pregnancy I started showing very early and I am wearing maternity clothes since I’ve been 12 weeks along. As I wrote in my last entry, it took me a long time to accept the changes my body went through with the first pregnancy, so I do my best to not become as huge as I did the last time. You can call me shallow or vain and I know that there are many things way more important than my physical appearance, but I also know how unhappy I become if I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.

I don’t go to the gym as often as I want to, only once or twice a week, because I work, I study and I have a 2 yr old to take care of.
I try to eat healthy most times, but I developed an immense sweet tooth with this pregnancy and sometimes I give in to my cravings.
I have gained 4kgs (nearly 9lbs) so far, which is more than I wanted to have at this point but still better than in my first pregnancy.
I have bought maternity jeans in the smallest size available and aim to wear them till the end.
And I also use every cream, lotion and oil I can find although I know that probably doesn’t help anything.

So although I know that chances are not very good since I already got stretchmarks with my rather small first pregnancy bump, I’m still hoping and working for a body that I can feel fine with postpartum.

Pictures:
#1: only 11 weeks along!
#2 – #4: 23 weeks (the last one is not very good, I included it because the stretchmarks are really obvious here)
All stretchmarks from first pregnancy.

Fit Mommy of Two (Janessa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

I am 27 years old and the proud mother of two sons, ages 1 and 3. They are 19 months apart so my body didn’t have much time to recover before getting pregnant the second time. I have always been into fitness but my weight did fluctuat during my pregnancy. My last pregnancy really stretched the skin on my lower abdomen and I hate my stomach. I obsess over it but I came to the conclusion that my skin is stretched out and no amount of exercise will fix it- I would need a tummy tuck. But then I look at my progress and I am pleased with everything except for the extra skin. I don’t know if it is worth getting a tummy tuck but I am tired of hiding my stomach that I work so hard for under clothes. I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach looks like an old women’s stomach. Am I being too vain? I just want to feel sexy and be sexy for my husband. He adores me and is not concerned with it but I am. I would love to hear some responses from other mothers regarding my situation. Thank you so much in advance.

Sincerely,

Janessa (Fit Mommy of 2)

Just Can’t Get Over It (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 37 Comments

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years

I met my husband 6 years ago. We dated for 6 months before he proposed and then got married 6 months later. We then got pregnant just a month after getting married, but sadly ended in a miscarriage. We didn’t give up though, we tried again and got pregnant again 2 months later and we had a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 years old. I love my husband more than words can say and he is the best thing that ever happened to me, but he has a problem that deeply bothers me and I just don’t think he gets it. I discovered he was looking at porn when my daughter was about a year old. I confronted him a couple of times and he flat out lied to my face about it. I let it go for a little while, thinking maybe I was just overreacting and it wasn’t as big of a deal as I was making it out to be. I just couldn’t let it go though. I found myself sneaking into his phone to look at his history and it was filled with pages of porn videos. I confronted him about it again and told him that it bothers me that he would rather look at porn than have sex with his own wife (by that time it WAS affecting our sex life) He told me that he loved me and my body and I needed to believe him when he told me that and said that he would quit watching the porn. That was probably about a year and a half ago and he is STILL watching it even after telling me he wouldn’t. It’s so hard to trust him now. I just wish he could understand how bad it hurts when I find this stuff on his phone. I don’t take compliments well and when he tells me I look good or something I just roll my eyes or something and it frustrates him. It’s VERY hard to believe him when he tells me these things. If I did look as good as he’s saying I do, then why is there a need to go look at porn sites every day?? He could just be saying it to try to make me feel better or because he HAS to say it. I wish I could just get inside his head and know what he’s thinking. Guys always say its normal for them to look at porn…. normal doesn’t make it right, or make it hurt any less. I haven’t confronted him since because I feel as if I’m just wasting energy on it. I think about it daily though and it bothers me so much. The past year I’ve lost a lot of weight I went from 186lb to 148lb and have gotten attention from guys. I would NEVER cheat on my husband but It feels GREAT to hear it from someone that doesn’t HAVE to say it. I love the attention. I still hate my body though and I don’t think I’ll ever learn to love it. I’m trying my hardest though! I just want the porn to go away and have a normal relationship without all the worry and hurt and feel wanted and loved!

Picture is at 148lbs a couple of months ago!

Gaining Self Confidance (Monique)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

age 21, pregnancies 2, births 2, 2 yrs and PP 5 months

When I got pregnant with my first child I was engaged to a man who was great. Supportive, loving, caring, everything you’d want in a man. About 6 months before our wedding date I stopped taking birth control thinking that it would take about a year to actually get pregnant (I was on the depo), and presumably after the wedding. I ended up getting pregnant a mere month after the shot was set to expire. It was a shock, but I was so excited… for a while. After I got pregnant the man I knew completely changed. He became physically and verbally abusive. He threw me down stairs, broke his hand on my face, made me watch porn and tell me how much better the girls looked/were in bed compared to me. I was so blessed that my baby boy came out gorgeous and healthy even though he was born at 34 weeks.Afterwards my body bounced back immediately. I lost all the weight easily, got no stretch marks, but it wasn’t good enough for him. He constantly put me down and made me feel just horrible about myself. I finally got the courage to leave not for me, but for my son and I met the man who is now my husband. He always tells me how beautiful I am, supports me and cheers me on in everything I do and treats my son as his own. I got pregnant very early in our relationship (on birth control and pulling out) so it was a huge shock. I wasn’t very happy in the beginning, I was terrified about what the baby was going to do to my body. I was afraid he would leave me because my body was going to change so dramatically only months after meeting me. I was afraid I wasn’t going to get so lucky this time around, that added to still healing from low self esteem from my prior relationship I was miserable for the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Once I felt her kick it was all over, but I still did whatever I possibly could to look good after I had her. I worked out until I gave birth, I slathered myself in cocoa butter and bio-oil, ate well, ended up gaining a little less than 20 pounds and used a belly binder PP, I started pelvic thrusts 3 days PP, cut calories and started back at the gym the day I was released for exercise. It sounds a little intense but I was determined. Everyone told me I looked great for just having a baby, but I didn’t believe it. Though I got back to my normal weight, everything shifted and sits differently. My tummy is rounder no matter how many crunches I do, my hips are wider, my boobs are a little saggier. I was miserable and though I loved my princess I hated my body. No matter how I “good” everyone said I looked I couldn’t stop putting myself down. I finally realized I needed to work more on my self esteem and less on my body. I started looking at myself in the mirror every morning and finding one thing I like about my body. Doing this I began to appreciate my body that much more and gained self confidence which I’ve never had. I also realized that before I wanted the same body I had when I was 16, why in the world would I want that??? Becoming a mother has made me a woman in so many ways, so why shouldn’t my body reflect that? A woman’s body has curves, it’s rounder and softer, it has blemishes, it’s imperfect and that much more beautiful because all of this means it gave life. Now I don’t want a girls body, I want the body of a woman, the body of a mother.

First and second pic – 36 weeks pregnant, third pic – 5 months PP, fourth pic – me, my son and daughter after bringing her home

Trying to get past my body and realize my blessings! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

Well I am a 20 year old mother of two beautiful baby girls. I got pregnant at 17 with my first and had her 4 months after I turned 18. I had my second beautiful baby girl in May 2012. The father of both my children, recently decided he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I am truly crushed inside after being with him for almost 4 years and two kids later he decides to just up and split. He never really was around that much anyways he always was with friends partying, or hitch hiking to other states and so I already in a sense was a single mother. He cheated on me as well quite a few times claimed it was cause he thought we were going to be over so why not I guess…..anyways I see it as a blessing in a sense and I know God has a plan for my life and my children but it still hurts so bad. Now I am focused on going to back to college to get a degree and be able to support my girls and give them a good life. I am also trying to focus on the areas of myself that need to be changed, attitudes etc so that when I meet the correct man for me I will be a loving wife. However my body depresses me SO MUCH! I have stretch marks everywhere, no joke, my belly, butt, behind my legs, inner and outter thighs, boobs and even my upper arms!!!! What the heck right? Anyways I get really down thinking about it sometimes like I will never find a man who will want to be with me because I have two kids already and my body just sucks not to mention the lose skin on my tummy. I get really sad about it there are good days and bad days, I just want to feel good about myself. I eat correctly for the most part with occasional slip ups. I breast fed my 1st daughter and am still breast feeding my second and I have worked out hard since 2 months pp and lost a lot of weight and toned up quite a bit too, but it seems like stretch marks just keep popping up everywhere ugh…. and they are deep too. Anyways enough whining lol I also realize that God has blessed me with not one but two healthy, gorgeous girls and that we have a roof over our heads and food to eat, clothes to wear and even stuff to have fun with, toys, books, tv, computer etc….where as many other people do not have these luxuries or are not able to conceive so I thank him every day and hopefully one day I can make peace with my body, and hopefully any other mother feeling the same way as myself will too. God bless.

Age:20
Number of Pregnancies:3 Births:2
Age of Children: DD1 is 26 months old, DD2 is 6 months old
Photos: These are all photos of me 6 months pp I couldn’t get any full body views but there is the right side, left side and front side of my tummy.