Pregnant

Aussie Mum of One! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1 abortion
Births: 1 beautiful boy
Postpartum: 22 months

Growing up, I was always a tiny build. People always assumed I had an eating disorder because I was so little but I guess I was just lucky, I could eat anything I wanted and my body couldn’t seem to store it. When I was 18, I was in a serious relationship with a guy who at the time I thought was wonderful. We moved in together and shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be a father and I was young and scared and ended up letting him talk me into having an abortion. I ended up pretty depressed afterwards and I ended up putting on about 20kg. I broke up with him when I was 20 and felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I lost about 12kg and for the first time in my life I actually liked my body. I had nice curves, I finally had decent boobs!

Then in April 2008 I had a brief fling with someone I fell head over heels for and that resulted in pregnancy. I had made my mind up that I would continue the pregnancy because there was no way I was putting myself through another abortion. After speaking to the father and spending about 2 weeks crying my eyes out while he begged and pleaded with me to terminate, I told him my decision isn’t going to change so deal with it. He didn’t like the decision and to this day he still has had nothing to do with me or my son. I spent the first half of my pregnancy with my head in the toilet bowl (whoever called it ‘morning sickness’ was clearly wrong because I had it 24/7!!). As a result of not being able to eat or drink anything without it coming back up, I ended up losing about 5-6kg. By the end of my pregnancy, I had put that weight back on, plus an extra 13kg! I loved my pregnant body, I was pretty lucky that my growing belly seemed to be the only weight I put on.

Christmas eve 2008 started with me going into labour. 13 hours of me walking around and around and around (I wasn’t dilating quick enough) and the doctors were able to break my waters. 5 hours later my beautiful son arrived into the world just after midnight on christmas morning weighing a nice 6lb 13oz.
Within a few months I somehow got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But then postnatal depression reared its ugly head and I’ve now put about 10kg on and i completely hate the way I look. My legs feel like tree trunks, my belly wobbles, my boobs sag, I now have love handles.. I can’t stand the way I look. Everyone tells me I look fine the way I am but they don’t see whats under the clothes. They don’t see what I see in the mirror. My self confidence is completely shattered by how I see myself, not to mention that I am a single mum and no guy is ever going to want to take me on when I have a child. I already know that no one will want me, as soon as a man hears I’m a mother they run a mile.

I CAN Love Me, Finally (E)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 16 Comments

This is a story about love,loss,,discovery and my young body’s journey through motherhood. I guess you can say my journey to motherhood has not been the easiest, but I wouldnt trade the expeirences I’ve had at my young age for anything. I found out I was pregnant with my first child a week before my 15th birthday. I found out while hospitalized for a suicide attempt, I was in the tenth grade,a straight A student, and a very battered little girl. I knew I was pregnant before they even told me, mothers intuition I suppose. As soon as it was a reality, a switch went off and I became this super woman. A strong and confident side of myself I had never encountered before. At the time I was broken up with the father, but right away we had the pressure to “make it work for the baby sake”, which I had a ” whatever” attitude about over the next 8 months. I was an extremely athletic cheerleader. I was 5’3 and 105lbs. Which for my build, was underweight. Ribs and backbones protruding etc. Which oddly was the most confident I had ever been about my body in my entire life. Ive always had a horrible body image for as long as I can remember. At 34 weeks pregnant I found out my son had a heart defect, I was born and raised in Alaska and they didnt have any doctors that could treat a condition of that severity, so I had one day to go home, pack, and ship myself and my mother off to Seattle. Long story short, I had a horrible birth and UW Hospital 9/11/2006 and my beautiful baby boy was immideatly taken to Childrens Hospital. I stopped weighing myself at 185lbs 6 weeks prior to his birth. I literally felt like two of myself. I went from a 34A to a 38DD. My son had open heart surgery at 4 days old, left the hospital at 3 weeks old, and spent 3 weeks at home in Alaska with us before his time here ran out. He was the most precious person I have ever encoutered and changed my life forever. I lost 30lbs right after delivery, but after his loss, I was left with ” this big,fat,strecthed out version of my old self” In my eyes I was huge going from a size 00 to a size 12 and then not having my sweet baby was a recipe for depression. I managed to get myself down to about 130(due to stress mostly) and 9 months post-partum with my son, I found my self pregnant again, this time a sweet baby girl, at the ripe age of 16. Her pregnancy was amazing, I was still self consious but I didnt really show with her until almost my 7th month and after her beautiful water birth, my healthy baby girl was here on 3/1/2008. Mine and her fathers relationship was one for the record books. He was an addict,thief,liar, and everything in between. I raised my daughter by myself, despite the fact we were actually together. After nearly 3 years of abuse I had enough, I took my daughter and moved to Washington from NC(long story how we ended up there), he was soon on his way here, all of a sudden about my daughter. He managed to come and do his damage here aka drug me, rape me, and take pictures and then leave the state. I was mortified ( found the pictures in his jeans pocket, eww). I filed charges and he skipped across the country, never looking back. After years of never “being good enough” skinny enough, flat enough, to deserve to be faithful or loving to. Once he was out of my life, I was left with, What the hell do I do now. What guy at my age is going to be interested in a battered, single mother, and an 18 year old body that has been torn apart by babies? In steps prince charming :). My body took along time to recover from two babies in 18 months. I was left saggy, stretched marked from breast to calf,cellulite, and so self critical it was sickening.At random my crush from middle school(who was everyones crush) messaged me just to say hi, and then began talking to me rather frequently and for the first time in a long time I just let my guard down and let him see the good, the bad, and the ugly right from the start. Assuming he would run away kicking and screaming I kept going, he kept staying. He was a risk,a ladies man, life of the party, insatiably good looking, and everything I never had the confidence to go after previously. This man fell in love with me just the way I was, stretched marked, battered and broken, and told me everyday what a beautiful person I was. At a time I should have felt my best I was more body conscious then ever.This body was not what he was used to looking at,and I did everything I did to hide it. This man left his whole life in Alaska and moved to Washington to be with me, switched companies, and never looked back. So here I sit 19 years old 15 weeks pregnant with my third child, another boy and Im learning to love my body for exactly what it is intended to be, a baby factory.Its an amazing beautiful thing to be born with an ability to give life to another human being from the most beautiful source, the person that you love. So I don’t look like Heidi Klum 3 weeks post par tum but who cares. My body grows, nutures, and feeds another human being and you have to be thankful for just that. It has taken me a long time to appreciate just what my beautiful baby factory can do. I know this story is long but I want to offer encouragement to any mother with a poor self image, anyone who had been sad, battered, and broken and tell you that yes you are beautiful and that there are people who will love and appreciate you for just the amazing person that you are. There is no mold for motherhood. We are the trendsetters in our own lives and now that I have a daughter I hope she can learn and appreciate the female body the way it looks in real life and not what you see on t.v. Its a constant battle for us, but its worth every scar!

Children are: Would have been 4, 2 1/2, and 15 weeks pregnant.
Age:19
Weight 105-185,130-155,115-120 pregnant
Height 5’3

Picture # 1 is 40 weeks pregnant with baby number one
Pic # 2 is my precious boy at 5 weeks old
Pic #3 is 8 months post partum
Pic #4 is the day I went into labor with my daughter
Pic #5 is about 6 months post partum
Pic#6 is my little diva
Pic #7 was 2 years post partum
Pic#8 is my current 15 week bump

I Love My Boys, I HATE My Body! (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

Age: 20
# of pregnancies/births/cesareans: 2
Age of children: 2 1/2(born:2008) and 13months(born:2009)
Postpartum: 13months as of 10/10

I got pregnant for the first time at 17, before then i had always worried about my weight and at 5’6″ 147lbs i wasn’t over weight. Now i am 286lbs and i cant stop thinking about it. Not only do i feel bad and unattractive, but i know it is bad for my health.

during my first pregnancy i didn’t really care about my weight gain, i guess i always thought it would be easy to lose later. but after i had my first son i felt (and looked like) and empty vessel. i had gained at least 40lbs during my pregnancy, though I’m not sure how sense i was vomiting the whole pregnancy. i was all stretch marked and i hadn’t really lost any weight after giving birth, which BTW i had a csection. and then i actually gained weight after the birth. so after my csection i had that as an excuse not to exercise, that and ya know being too tired and any other excuse i could think of. then me and my then boyfriend/baby daddy got married. then we decided to have another baby. and at 18 i got pregnant right away(9months after my first). and i had actually been put on pills to get my period back, which I’m sure i didn’t get cause of the weight gain. but after my first period on the pills is when we got pregnant. then yet again i really didn’t worry about how much weight i gained. i monitored it a little more but i still ate what i wanted, when i was not barfing cause yet again i had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. and at the end of my second pregnancy i had gained I’m sure at least 30lbs. and after the birth of my second son i still didn’t lose the weight. and yet again gained more after the baby was born and used the excuse again that i had a c section.

now that I’m pushing 300lbs, I’ve gone from a 38C cup to a 44 DD cup, I’m stretched marked to hell, and have horrible back, knee, and hip pain, it really is alot harder to exercise. i tire a lot easier and the pain gets almost unbearable. on top of all that, I’m really scared of exercising alone. I’ve set up dates to walk with friends and they some how always end up blowing me off. and i know that i need to just get over it and go do it. and even if i do lose the weight i do not think that i will ever be satisfied with my body again(not that i was really before). all i keep thinking is “I’m 20, my body shouldn’t look like this.” i don’t like looking in the mirror or shopping for clothes cause its just depressing, when you used to be able to pick up a size 11 or 12 and it would fit now you’re in a 20 something. my husband hates when i say things like this, about being fat and such. he doesn’t understand cause he has the high metabolism, and so hes skinny. and i know its horrible but I’m so jealous of him. he says I’m beautiful, and i just really wish that i could see it that way. I’ve read about a bunch of women who are embracing their post baby bod, and i just wish that i was that strong. and the crazy thing is while pregnant i feel so much more beautiful, but as soon as the baby is born i don’t.

I love my boys so much, they are everything to me. the only thing i would change is i would exercise and watch what i ate while i was pregnant and after.

yet again we are talking about another baby. i really do want a big family, but i know that i need to be in good health to have a healthy baby. so i want to at least get close to my pre-pregnancy size. i just wish that i knew now how to do that.

Thanks to all of you brave women for posting your stories. :)

1. before pregnancy
2. pregnant with #1
3. PP after 1
4. pregnant with #2
5. PP after 2
6. c section scar after 2
7. 13 months PP after 2
8. 13 months PP after 2
9. my 1 year old
10. my 2 1/2 year old

8 Months Postpartum (Pamela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

8 months postpartum.
20 years old
1 pregnancy and 1 birth.

My daughter is eight months one week and one day. I’ve been having a lot of issues with my body. I still have dark pink stretch marks all over my stomach, hips, lower back, inner thighs and breasts. they’ve lightened some since delivery. but not much. i was 185 before i got pregnant. and was 245 ish when i delivered. i am now 228 and cannot lose it. and ive been really struggling with it. I love my daughter more than anything. and would not trade my life with her for anything in the whole world. But i’m only twenty years old. and i want to have a twenty year old body. I mean. i would settle for twenty five considering the way things are now. i tor a disc in my spine during the delivery and it has kind of limited the things im able to do. not to mention i haven’t really felt like I’ve even had time to work out until recently. starting right now i am turning my opinion of myself around. I’m going to work really hard to get back down to my prepregnancy size. and I’m going to start trying to love my body more. because i realize now that im not the only one having these problems. I am on a mission to re-find myself and to start loving myself again!

1)Me the week before giving birth.
2) My little angel at six months.
3)Me extra pregnant. about a month before delivery.
4) Daddy, Baby, Me six weeks post partum. still the same size now. Daddy’s first diaper change he was on leave from a deployment.

My Doctor Makes Me Feel Bad (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 37 Comments

Age: 27
# pregnancies and births: 1/1
34 weeks pregnant

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first child, a boy. Ive struggled with my weight throughout my entire life except for a brief time in college. Before I got pregnant I was 5’7″ and 200lbs. I had recently had to switch OB/GYN providers because my old OB/GYN PCSed (my husband is in the military so I’m seen at a military facility) to a new area. My past few appointments have been nothing short of horrible with my new provider. I dread going to my appointment because I know that my weight is going to the be the main topic of discussion. Ive put on 32 pounds since I found out I was pregnant, which apparently is too much according to my new provider. According to her I should have only gained 15 pounds. Despite my “excessive weight gain”, my blood pressure is normal, I tested negative for gestational diabetes, and my baby is perfectly healthy and of a normal size. Like I said before, Ive struggled with my weight my entire life. I have old stretch marks from all of the weight I gained as a child. Now that I’m pregnant I have new ones in addition to the older ones. The first time that I saw her I noticed that she looked disapprovingly at my stretch marks, but didnt comment. She didnt have to comment though, the look on her face said everything. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but yet I’m re-living the nightmares of my overweight childhood, adolescent, and teen years. I’m an RN so I know what constitutes healthy and non-healthy foods as well as what it means to be “healthy”. I’ve worked with physcians like her throughout my career who seem to have the bedside manner of roadkill. I know that I shouldnt let the comments and disapproving looks get me so down, however I cant seem to shake them. My husband hasnt been able to come with me to my last few appointments due to military duty requirements so Ive had to endure this “harrassment” on my own. Ive literally been in tears after my last few appointments. I just wish that this physician could see beyond the number on the scale and recognize that I am in fact healthy despite my weight, but I honestly dont think that will happen. I’m looking forward to the day that little man finally gets here and I dont have to endure the negative banter and feelings of worthlessness this physician instills in me at every visit. I have my next appointment in 2 weeks and somehow she expects me to only gain 1 pound in bewteen then and now. HA!

It’s Not Luck (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

age: 22
2 pregnancies/2births
23 months and 4 weeks

Hi. My name is Ashley and I’m 22 with 2 beautiful girls. Before I got pregnant with my first daughter I was working out regularly and at my heaviest (in my life) had weighed 145 at 5’5. I was closer to 140 when I got pregnant and only gained 28lbs. My weight gain wasn’t really by my choice. I was very sick in the beginning and ended up losing 10lbs first. I bounced back fairly quickly (weight wise) but knew my body would never be the same. I had some stretch marks but nothing crazy. It only took me a couple months to get back to my weight of 140 but I looked bigger thanks to skin. Shortly after my first daughters 1st birthday I had to have my appendix removed and was shocked when I was told I was back at 160! I vowed then and there to lose the weight and NEVER be that heavy again if I wasn’t pregnant. A month and a half later I was still 160 and found out I was pregnant with my second. I dreaded how big I’d get. I was terrified of being bigger than I was with my first (168). By 20 weeks, I had lost so much weight from being extremely sick (throwing up about 3 times a day, every day) that I was only 145lbs. I didn’t want to eat after how sick I’d been. I was forcing myself to eat half a meal and then feeling sick. People kept telling me how great I looked and how small I was and all I wanted to do was say “yeh but at what cost?” The day before my daughter was born I weighed 166, putting me at a 6lb weight gain. She weighed 9lbs 4ozs. I came home just over 150. Now at 4 weeks pp, I am 145. People keep telling me how great I’ve done with the weight loss and commenting on how fast I bounced back. Everytime they say anything I want to say “Yeh, but I couldn’t eat without getting sick for 12 weeks. I’d rather be bigger.” It’s not luck that I’m thin I’m not thrilled with how I look but I’m not ashamed. I love my girls and my body is a testiment to what I’d do for them. Everytime I look down and see my stretchmarks, I smile, because it reminds me of when my girls that I love so much.

Pics- 40weeks pregnant, 2days pp, and 4weeks pp

Update – I Had My Baby! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 7 Comments

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 1/2 weeks postpartum

My previous entry is here – Since then, I’ve had my baby! The day that I turned 36 weeks my water broke. It was about 6 am. We had gotten to the hospital within 10 minutes since we knew that my cerclage would need to come out. My doctor came in and immediatly got set up to remove the stitch. This is a procedure that is usually not painful at all, but sadly, for me it was. The doctor tried and tried but the stitch was embedded into my cervix and the pain was excrutiating. The doctor gave up and it was off to the OR for a C section. My baby was born on September 28, 2010 at 10 am. He weighed 6 lb 4 oz and was 18 1/4 inches long. He is a good size for preemie! We had a 5 day hospital stay because of the C section and the baby was a bit jaundice. He is home now though and is doing great! I truley love him more than anything in the world. I am breastfeeding and it’s really been rough on me but I am doing my best and baby is gaining weight! It’s been two and a half weeks postpartum and I’ve gone from 152 pounds down to about 130. I am almost at my prepregnancy weight but my stomach is still flabby with stretch marks. I have that stupid little flab that hangs over the C section scar. Oh well.. it was all worth it for my little man. I have lots of pictures here for ya :) The first is my last pregnancy photo at 35 weeks.. I was huge!, the next is my boyfriend holding our little boy after my C section, the next is my first look at my little guy.. so in love!, next is my little guy!, then it’s me about 2 1/2 weeks postpartum, and then a picture of my lovely stretch marks!, and last is a picture of me and my little man. Thanks for reading! :)

My Husband Kissed My Stretch Marks (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

20 yrs old
39 weeks and 6 days pregnant

I have been looking at this site for a few months now, and I am so thankful for it. I keep seeing these women who look like models (probably because they are models), celebrities, or just everyday women who don’t have physical changes from pregnancy and walk out of the hospital practically uncased. When I came to this site I saw real women go through real pregnancies and have real postpartum changes and recoveries. These women admit their fears and self-consciousness.

In many of the stories I have read (and commented on), I have discovered that I am not the only one who might not feel comfortable in maternity lingerie. Many women say that they do not like their changing bodies and will not even take their clothes off without the lights shut off. They are afraid that their significant other finds them repulsive and can’t understand how they could possibly be found attractive, beautiful, or sexy. I am one of those women sometimes. I was very lucky that I did not have ANY stretch marks… until a week ago. Out of nowhere they just turned up around my belly button and sprouted limbs. They are growing every day now! Bad ones, too. I’ve also had PUPP for a while now, and I am extremely uncomfortable (and ashamed at times) of my “fat packs” that I have accumulated.

I have been afraid of what my husband thinks of my pregnant body, and even more afraid of what he will think of my pp body. Today was the first day that he saw my stretch marks. I had unconsciously lifted up my shirt while sitting on the couch (in between laundry cycles… nesting?) to check on my marks. I didn’t even think about the fact that my husband was sitting right beside me until he said “Are those your stretch marks?”. (He had heard me complaining about them to my mom a few days ago.) I felt so stupid and embarrassed for carelessly exposing my belly and thoughts were going through my mind about what he could possibly be thinking. Then he touched them lovingly, said “Aw baby, those aren’t bad at all,” and kissed them lovingly. It was almost like he understood completely what they meant. That they were just as much a production of our love as out little girl growing inside me. I almost cried. Especially since I had been so cranky the past couple of days. Then he just turned back to what he was watching like nothing special had occurred.

I just wanted to write this for women like me who can’t understand that they are beautiful and that their partners still have the same feeling if not stronger. We were married young and I became pregnant very early on at a very hectic time for us. I have been a bit mournful over my 20 yr old body already changed forever. But our little girl (due TOMORROW) and things like that make it all worth the loss.

Motherhood Shaped Me (Joni E.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

~Age: 36 years old
~Pregnancies: 5 pregnancies/4 living children (one fetal demise at 21 weeks)
~Childrens ages: 15, 12, 10 and 5 weeks

Highest non-pregnant weight: 183
Weight 3 months prior to pregnancy (lowest adult weight): 125 (I put on 20 lbs before becoming pregnant at my husbands request)
Weight just prior to pregnancy: 144
Weight at time of delivery: 195
Weight now: 167

My story begins 16+ years ago with the loss of my first precious baby. I had difficulty becoming pregnant and was devastated when I lost the pregnancy at 21 weeks. I always appreciated my body and was thrilled when I became pregnant again. I was surprised when my doctor mentioned my stretchmarks being so bad. The grew and grew until they reached the top of my belly. After my daughter was born I was alarmed at the way my body looked. I didn’t recognize my belly anymore. My breast were large and sagging but I was so grateful to have her I didn’t care. I eventually began to realize and then somewhat resent that I couldn’t get my pre-pregnant body back.

Fast forward 4 years and 2 more children. Once the children were older and I had more time to focus on myself I began to really be critical of my body. I was going to school full time to become a RN and working as well. I was eating poorly and not exercising. I was unhappy with myself and my life. Once I graduated nursing school I weighed the most I’d ever weighed at 183. I lost 60 pounds and began marathon training and working out in excess. I was pushing myself to the limit, at one point even breaking my leg and continuing to run despite the pain. I was very proud of my new physique, yet when I looked in the mirror I could see flaw after flaw. Before my breasts were saggy, now they were small. Before my tummy was fat, now wrinkled. I took a step back to evaluate my life and realized the answer was not to be found on the scale or in the gym but in myself.

I changed my life completely. I separated from my husband and then reunited with a man I had known since 6th grade. We fell very deeply in love and quickly began a relationship. We decided to have a baby. He requested that I gain weight prior to becoming pregnant as he felt I was too thin. I had to agree. We became pregnant very quickly and enjoyed my pregnancy. He loved my pregnant body. I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy. I’d occasionally fear the weight I’d have to lose after the birth but I enjoyed my body and what it was doing in a way I never had before. He and I decided to have our baby at home, something I had wanted to do with my 3 previous births but did not have a supportive spouse to help make that possible. I gave birth in a birth tub in our kitchen, surrounded by people I loved. It was the best day of my life. Ella weighed a huge, healthy 10 lbs and 6 oz. Her birth empowered me in a way I had never felt empowered before. I felt strong, capable and beautiful (her long birth story can be found here).

Now 5 weeks after her birth I love this sweet baby more than I can describe. And I respect my body in a whole new way but I don’t recognize it in the mirror. I have huge 38DD breasts again and my tummy is back to looking like it did when I had my third baby (10 years ago). I worked so incredibly hard for the shape I had before I became pregnant with Ella, to the point of obsession. It was difficult to admit that my happiness did not depend on if I wore a size 14 (my current size) or a size 4. But yet in these first weeks PP I told my husband I felt like I needed to look like I did before this birth because if I did not it was like false advertising. After all, he didn’t marry 167 pound me. What he said really made me pause to appreciate myself: He said, ” I wish when you looked at yourself you could see what I see. You are so sexy. You are beautiful. Inside and out. I love your body. It made our baby. I love you and just want you to love yourself too.” And I believe him and I do love myself.

We are so pressured by society to look a certain way. We’ve been conditioned to believe that beauty is skin deep. We feel like if we were a certain size or weight we’d be happy. We feel like we need to have plastic surgery to get “back to the way we were” before having babies. Fix our breasts. Fix our bellies. Fix ourselves. When we are not in fact broken. What we should be doing is celebrating and appreciating the amazing things are bodies do to make our babies and that we can make babies at all!

I’m so proud of all the women on SOAM willing to bare their bodies and souls for the sake of truth and beauty.

Photos included:
1. Pre-pregnancy after losing 50 pounds on WW (me in the stripes, my baby sister in the hearts)
2. at 37 weeks pregnant with my husband
3. smiling in labor at 40 weeks 5 days (tie dye sarong)
4. Us at our wedding (me 36 weeks pregnant)
5. Ella at 3 weeks
6/7/8. me now 5 weeks PP front/back/side

Hoping for a Miracle (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 5 (3 miscarriages, 1 a set of twins) Births: 1
Age of children: almost three, 6 weeks pregnant

Growing up I was never sure if I wanted children. I was not sure if I had the patience. I met my husband my freshman year of college. We dated for about 7 months and we found out we were pregnant. We were shocked. My first appointment I was told I was only about 4 weeks along – all we saw was a yolk sac. At my next appointment (4 weeks later) There was a fetal pole, it was measuring 6 weeks, but I was told not to be concerned by the discrepancy. Fast forward three weeks and I started cramping and spotting. A trip to the emergency room later I was told I was miscarrying. They gave me pain medicine, sent me home, and scheduled a D&C. The next day I was back in the emergency room. They hospitalized me while I passed “the embryonic tissues.” Two months later me and my husband married. Three months flew by and we decided to start trying to get pregnant. My first appointment was fine, they tested by hcg levels over 4 days and they were increasing as they should… 2 weeks later, another miscarriage. We decided that we were going to wait to try to get pregnant again. One night, one thing led to another and we did not use any protection. Thank god. Because 9 months later our beautiful baby girl was born. I had an interesting pregnancy. I have type 1 diabetes (juvenile onset, insulin dependent), had extra amniotic fluid through much of my pregnancy (which I would like to think contributed to the 70 lbs I gained – lol), and went into premature labor twice (due to the abnormally small size of my uterus and the stress from the extra amniotic fluid). I ended up having a “non-emergency emergency c-section” (yes you are reading that right – that is how the doctor referred to it) after our daughters heart rate dropped multiples time during my induction. Our daughter was in the special care nursery for 4 hours before they would let me see her (her oxygen levels were low due to a hold in her heart). Four days later (after my daughter was treated for jaundice) we were released from the hospital. The hole in her heart healed on its own and she is thriving. She is now a rowdy 3 year old red head (she has the temper to match). Recently me and my husband decided we should try for another baby. Five months ago We found out I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. Two weeks later, I miscarried – a set of twins. Heartbreak. Two weeks ago, I found out I am pregnant. Evidently I don’t have a problem getting pregnant – just staying pregnant. I am now 6.5 weeks pregnant. I had an ultrasound two days ago and we saw a heartbeat. I am scared as hell, but already in love with this tiny baby inside of me. Here’s hoping for another miracle!

picture 1: me 32 weeks pregnant with my daughter
picture 2: our beautiful baby girl
picture 3-5: me today, almost 3 years postpartum and 6.5 weeks pregnant.

Updated here.