Postpartum

For Chanel (Dalena)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

~ Age: 25
~ 1 pregnancy 1 birth
~ 5 weeks postpartum

I stopped taking my birth control pills at the end of May 2010. I found out I was pregnant on July 17th, 2010. I would say my pregnancy was normal. There weren’t any complications. I gained a total of 45lbs. I was 185lbs at my first prenatal appointment. And 230lbs at my last prenatal appointment. At 36 weeks my doctor told me that my baby was measuring a little big. An ultrasound estimated that baby was 8lbs 12oz. My due date came and went. I was scheduled to be induced on a Monday April 4th. I went into labor at 8:30pm on Thursday March 31st. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant. My contractions started at 5 minutes apart. By the time I got to the hospital at midnight they were 2 minutes apart. I was checked and only dilated to 3 and a half centimeters… I walked around the hospital for 3 hours until the contractions became unbearable. I was checked again and was at 5 cm. I was taken to my room and given my epidural shortly after. I was checked again and had dilated to 7 cm. So far so good right? The doctor broke my water to try to speed things up. Hours later I was still at 7 cm so I was given pitocin. I was contracting so much at one point they had to turn my pitocin off. I never dilated past 7 cm. My babys heart rate was high and I had a fever. My only concern during my entire pregnancy was that I would have to have a c-section… And that’s exactly what had to happened. I was distraught. I cried for about an hour while they got everything ready. I didn’t want the pain and the longer recovery time and even more I didn’t want the scar and the “lip” that my sister has from her c-sections. The moment I heard my baby cry I forgot about everything else. Chanel Marie was born Friday April 1st, 2011 at 3:39pm. She was 8lbs 8oz of pure perfection. I recovered quickly from my c-section. I was up and moving at the hospital. I took it easy but I didn’t baby myself. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 weeks after delivering. Since then I’ve been losing about 3 pounds a week. I have 8lbs to lose until I’m back at the weight I was at my first prenatal appointment. I’m breastfeeding and eating a healthy diet and I’ve been going on walks about twice a week. I’m hoping to be cleared by my doctor to start working out at my 6 weeks pp appointment which is this Friday. My final goal weight is between 140 and 145. I’m going to give myself a year to meet that goal. And I’m hoping by the time I reach my goal weight my “lip” won’t really be noticeable. It’s already looking better since my tummy is getting flatter. In the end everything I was worried about hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. Besides it was all for Chanel so it was more then worth it. I’m sooo in love. I’d do absolutely ANYTHING for my babygirl.

Thank you SOAM for letting me share. I owe a lot of being able to accept my body after the pregnancy to the site and women who have posted their stories. I hope that someone will read my story and it will help them to accept their body after their pregnancy as well. There is nothing more beautiful then life and love. And that is what our bodies have done. Created life and love.

Pic #1 Me before pregnancy
Pic #2 is 15 weeks pregnant
Pic #3 and #4 is 27 weeks pregnant
Pic #5 is 39 weeks pregnant
Pic #6 and #7 is me 5 weeks postpartum.
Pic #8 is the “lip”… Where the tummy pokes out over the scar.

Updated here.

I Found My Beautiful (Jessa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 23
Number of pregnancies and births: 2, 2
Age of children: 3 (next month) and 10 months

I know my previous post had that confident vibe, but most days the confidence and acceptance of my body just isn’t there.

The other day I was very discouraged about my shape. It had been a rough day and I decided to take a picture of my stomach laying down post-Lexi to compare to the picture I took laying down while pregnant with her. It was a way for me to feel accomplished.

I snapped a couple pictures and forgot about them.

Life went on as normal for the next couple days, days that I was proud of myself and proud of my body for two successful pregnancies. Then I had another downer day. On my downer days I snap pictures of my kids playing. I then proceeded to upload those pictures to my computer so I could share them with our family who lives 12 hours away.

And that’s when I saw it. One of the pictures of my post-Lexi body. The way the light hit it, it was beautiful. It literally took my breath away. My skin, though dimpled and scared looked like a thing carved out of marble. Surely my body is art and my children are the medium. I think that is the first time since either child has been born that I have looked at my body in awe and total appreciation.

So now when I have downer days, on top of taking pictures of the girls, I look at this picture and feel proud. And you can bet I will be in a bikini this summer. A fact which has my husband thrilled. <--- No really, I'm serious. He is excited for this *snicker* Pictures: #1 Laying down 9 months pregnant #2 Laying down 9 months postpartum #3 The beautiful picture. #4 My oldest, Haylie #5 My youngest, Alexis [gallery]

Just Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions 19 Comments

I’ve been pregnant twice and have a fantastic “5 and 3/4 year old” daughter. I’m 38, 5’2″, and 140 pounds, which puts me right at the beginning of the overweight BMI category [per World Health Organization]. With my ribcage measuring at 30″ and bust at 39″, my bra size is a preposterous 30-I, or 32-H, or 34-G. How much do breasts weigh anyway?

Alongside many survivors of child sexual abuse and neglect I have struggled with disordered eating, body dysmorphia, toxic self-criticism and suicide attempts. I recently realized that perhaps one of the reasons I feel so shocked and dismayed when I catch an unexpected glance of myself in the mirror is that I am looking out with the eyes of a child and looking back as a media-hazed critic aware of the most minute of flaws.

After a flux throughout early adulthood stabilizing my health and weight I arrived pre-pregnancy at 115 pounds quite consciously, still aware of the imperfections of pendulous breasts and compulsively squeezing into jeans that were a size too small, even though I was smaller than most Americans. I breastfed for 2.5 years and happily, sanely, got down to 125 pounds at 3 years postpartum. Then I started taking a beta-blocker medication to reduce PTSD symptoms and my weight went straight up to 140+. I’ve tried for a year balancing calories in and out after quitting the meds to get the weight to drop, but it really isn’t going anywhere despite my ongoing concerted effort! My best hope is to keep it from going up since I’m teetering on the edge of overweight and my mother is obese with diabetes.

I have searched the web for photographs of actual women my age and size in their “natural” state to help me get a grip on body image anxieties, but I’m sure to no surprise, found very VERY few, even though my body type seems to be pretty common. I did find a lot of porn, some celebrations of anorexia, airbrushed and photo-shopped celebrities, and this website. I also found an energetic youTube video from a 18 years younger woman who is my size and happy as a clam, since she just lost 30 pounds to get there.

For my photograph, I choose to use a pose and location that signified feeling good in my body, which I think should be a true and heavily weighted measure of health. I also wanted to include as many of my body parts as possible, to wander away from the fragmented dissociation that is typical with body dysmorphia and celebrate all of the parts that make me. I also wanted to include my face/head, especially after viewing many youTube documentations of weightloss that cut the subject off at the neck. Ironically, as I watched those headless weigh-ins and self-assessments, my appreciation for each woman was unbounded. If I could feel limitless love for the body of a headless stranger, no matter her size, couldn’t I feel it for myself?

Pregnancy changes: My feet increased by 1/2 a size. My hips spread out and added several inches in that area. My breast cup has increased several sizes. If I gain weight now, it is likely to go into my lovely mummy tummy.

I am very happy to participate in this website and hope that many more women do, so that finding reflective non-sexualized images is not a struggle for others. My husband wants to know, is there a “Shape of a Father” website?

The Shape of Our Hearts (Christina Plant)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Hips, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 28 Comments

age: 35
pregnancies 3
births 3
childrens ages: 14, 12, 9 (all boys!)
(this makes me nine plus years postpartum)

There is a fire in all of us. Sometimes I only have enough to keep the pilot light on. Sometimes I’m a torch. A bonfire. Sometimes, I am a wildfire- unruly and all-consuming.

I’ve been a mother for almost 14 years- I suppose it’s more accurate to say almost 15 years- how could I leave out the 9.5 months of my first pregnancy! I have three sons and the age span between the oldest and youngest is less than 5 years.

Today I am on fire! High and blazing. Excited and eager to live and breathe and make each day count. I make fitness a high priority, but I find that the aesthetic benefits are just a side affect of what taking care of my body does for me. I like feeling good in my own skin and when women ask me how it is that I am in such good shape after having 3 kids I do not hesitate to say “I work my ass off” with a totally straight serious face. That is exactly what I do. I’m a runner. I run about 20-30 miles a week. I MAKE the time for it- it’s as important as wiping my butt, or brushing my teeth or taking a shower. While we could survive without doing these things, if we fail to do these things regularly, we put our health at risk. I feel the same way about exercise. It’s an important part of maintaining your life. I also watch my diet- I make healthy choices and enjoy treats and indulgences about once a week. I keep anything that I absolutely love devouring out of my home.

I can’t help but notice that I’m in better shape than most of my oldest son’s female friends. I’ve heard people say to him “is THAT your mom?” and I must admit, it gives me a confidence boost.

There have been times when my fire was weak. I was that down, self-deprecating out of shape woman that looked at fit women and wondered if I would EVER feel or look as good as they do. I thought they had some special gift that I did not. Genetics. Will power. Money to hire a trainer or a personal chef. Blablablabla. But they aren’t special. They’re no better or worse than you or I. You cannot see inside their hearts. They may be fit for the wrong reasons. None of us are perfect. The photos you see that show flawless bodies are like a mirage. They aren’t real. What truly matters is what is in your heart. How is your fire? Does it burn for you and your passions and your goals, whatever they might be?

You can’t show the “shape” of a person’s heart in a photo. But if we wanted and if we are brave, we can show our hearts by showing who we really are. Some of the “worst looking” photos of me capture priceless moments. Who cares if it’s taken at a bad angle or my hair is unkempt? Did you ever stumble across a social network profile and notice that EVERY photo of that person shows them with flawless makeup, perfectly groomed, at their best angle, or smiling just perfectly? What does it mean when we hesitate to share our “real” moments- the ones where vanity and image are irrelevant because we’re too busy uhm… living???

I am not afraid of “looking” bad while living well. Upon finding this site, I too quickly realized how easy it is to see and believe photos like this:

or this:

Not bad, right? That’s me! I am 5’3″ and had 3 babies. The first one was 10 lbs 1 oz. I was 206 lbs right before delivery. The second one was 8 lbs 13 oz. Since I was chasing a toddler through that pregnancy, I only weighed in at 170 lbs before delivery. The third one was induced EARLY and weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and I was well over the 200 lb mark 2 weeks before his due date!

But we forget that there is NO such thing as perfection and here is the proof:

My tattoo is almost 16 years old and has some impressive battle scars, don’t you agree?

Here is a side shot of my lower abs and thigh:

What CAN’T you see in all of these photos? My heart. My fire. My passion for feeling alive. You can’t plainly see it from the outside on anyone can you? There is no way- perhaps because it is beyond what our eyes can see. The shape of our bodies and what we see in the mirror shouldn’t be the most important thing. We need to nurture the shape of our hearts.

Updated here.

Finding Myself in My Folds (Haley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 13 Comments

Age: 18
Number of pregnancies/ births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
Age of child: 14 months

Let me begin by saying that in my family being overweight is normal and I’ve always been the odd one out. You would think being the healthiest one would be a good thing, but it wasn’t. I was always different, and I always wanted to be like everyone else, big.

I came into my own at 14 when I started my period. Finally I had the breasts, and the butt to match my family. I wasn’t rail thin anymore; I even started getting attention from boys. Within a year the attention put me in a sexual relationship I wasn’t ready for. It took its toll on me both physically and emotionally. My weight suffered, losing 17 pounds in a matter of weeks, two bouts of Mono, and a severe depression. When the relationship finally ended I was lost. I threw myself into being a teenager, going to games, working at the local dinner and just forgetting where I had been. I flew through a relationship, began talking to an older guy, and got the courage up to talk to the boy in health class.

The boy in health class, who knew he was my future? It was a slow beginning which swiftly turned into a serious relationship. We were inseparable and planning a future together. The plan was two year engagement and a wedding after I graduated with him joining the military in the meantime. But what always happens when you plan too fast? Life, a baby. When we got the news everything went into fast forward.

We married in July, days after my 17th birthday. He enlisted and went off to BCT in my first trimester and I finished school. At this point I had just gotten my body to where it really needed to be. I was thriving. My pregnancy was a walk in the park. I had no complications and barley gained any weight if anything I didn’t gain enough weight. When my daughter was born I lost most of what I had gained and within the first three months I was back to my old self.

And then came marriage. My husband came home, and we moved to our first duty station. Stress, motherhood, hormones, hormones galore, and the role of being a wife was the first 20 lbs. When we found we were pregnant again just six months after having our daughter we were elated. We couldn’t wait to have another child. But too soon things went wrong. We lost the baby when I was just two months along. The doctors said it was normal and it happened often, but it tore me apart. I was put on birth control; we did not want to face a situation like that again. Depression and hormones caused me to gain another 20 lbs. At this point I was no longer the twig in the family. I struggled with my new self. I missed who I had been.

Now months later I have learned that though I may be different I am still me, the girl who found herself after a terrible relationship, the girl who fell in love with a boy in Health, the mother of an energetic one year old, and the woman who lost a baby. My daughter is a gift, and my husband adores the body I now own. I have finally become the norm in my family, and though there are times when I struggle and think less of myself. I know I am beautiful and that I can do anything no matter what my body type.

The pictures are of Me before I got pregnant, at 41 weeks pregnant, and 14 months postpartum.

We create beauty. We are beauty. (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Original entry here.

I put a post on here not too long ago. I have come so far the passed few weeks that I thought I would go ahead and post again. I have been thinking a lot about my body and the bodies of women on this site and I am wondering…how in the world could we ever be considered imperfect? We created and continue to create perfection, out sweet little babies, the most precious and loving thing on earth. This obviously makes us beautiful :) I started writing, kinda venting a tad ;) and this is what I ended up with.

To all the people that think that women should all be the media’s idea of perfection, screw you. All of the people that make me feel ashamed to wear a swim suit, get over it, I am wearing one. You must not appreciate the female body for what it is made to do. We, as women, are built to make life. WE grow babies inside of our wombs. With that comes the “imperfections”. The stretch marks, the saggy skin and breasts, the drooping, enlarged, and darker nipples. These are the changes our bodies had to make to nourish a life to grow inside of it. Women are made to give birth to life and nourish that life after it enters the world. Women are beautiful because of this amazing miracle. Not because their bodies aren’t yet scarred, or “ruined” as I have heard some say. I am not ruined. We are not ruined. We are beautiful. We are powerful. We gave birth to life. No one can ever tell me that my body isn’t perfect. To me it is. My daughter is wonderful perfection in my eyes. She is beautiful. My body changed for her. The changes it made, make it beautiful.

My daughter is now a month old. I saw her smile for the first time 2 days ago. It melts my heart and makes every mark on my body worth it. I was sad for myself when I looked in the mirror after I gave birth. Now I am glad that I look this way. If it wasn’t for me looking this way, I wouldn’t have her. She is now my world and I wouldn’t change a thing about my body. It gave me and my husband our baby girl. I have posted some updated pictures because I think the other ones I posted didn’t do my stretch marks justice :) Plus I lost a bit of weight in the last few weeks so I am quite proud :)

Number of pregnancies and births: 1
4 weeks pp (3 weeks in pics)

Picture 1 -Pre pregnancy tummy
Picture 2&3- 3 weeks pp
Picture 4- My husband and I Christmas 2010 (around 6 months pregnant)
Picture 5- My beautiful daughter, 3 weeks old.

Updated here.

Living it Up (Meredith)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

Dear SOAM,

Oh man. This site has helped me so so much! I read it daily. No joke, after I had my little man (almost 2 years ago now, crazy) I was shocked/ticked with what happened to my body. No one told me what was gonna happen. No one ever talked about the droopy, saggy, scarred, forever changed body that would be left after the kid popped out. I gained pleeenty during pregnancy and was left with stretch marks and saggy skin galore. I worked hard and lost all the weight but still found myself hating my body and not even wanting to get dressed because I felt so alien in my skin. Then one day I thought, “Hello, Meredith! When you wear clothes that fit, you feel so much better about yourself and you get more done throughout the day. Plus you look fine with clothes on. Live up what you’ve got while you’ve got it, girl!” (when I talk to myself I go street, I guess). So that’s what I’m trying to do: I started a thrifty, mommy “fashion” blog and it’s been great. I’ve met tons of people while forcing myself to get ready daily. I still have days where I don’t feel worth it, days when I spot my wrinkly stomach and super droop boobs and I just want to climb back into my pajamas and never come back, but mostly it’s been very helpful. I’m not hiding how pregnancy changed my body, I’m just not letting it rule my mind anymore. My ultimate goal is to blog through another pregnancy (our little family’s not there quite yet!) because during my first one I never got gussied up, I just felt so huge and unmotivated. Well, never again! Pregnancy is not a disease and I want to celebrate/enjoy it more next time. Anyway, thanks to SOAM I know I’m normal. And it feels pretty good to just be normal. :)

Love, Meredith
https://meredithtuttle.blogspot.com/
I’m 23 and my little man is 22 months!

3 Years Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I’m coming up on my daughter’s third birthday and it was sort of a shock to realize that this was also (obviously) the three-year anniversary of my c-section. I hadn’t planned on a c-section and was pretty upset that I ended up having one. I had figured that my body would be different after pregnancy and childbirth. In fact, I remember looking at this very website before I was even pregnant and being shocked at how some women’s bodies had changed. Yet, but I’m still surprised at how different my body is now even though I *am* one of those women now. I have yet to fully come to accept it. I’ve never had a great figure but I do mourn the loss of what I had. I love my daughter very very much and have no regrets but I don’t like what I see in the mirror and usually avoid even looking. I probably weigh just about the same as I did when I got pregnant, maybe about 5 lbs more but even when I weighed 30 lbs more pre-pregnancy I liked my body better. The weird sagging apron of fat around my mid-section is a source of dismay and embarrassment and even presents problems for clothing options. I don’t fully understand why my body looks like this now. Is it the c-section? According to my doctors there was no complications with the surgery and I healed well. I didn’t have diastasis recti. Is it just age? I don’t know. I’ve started going to the gym again and trying to watch what I eat but I have to admit, I don’t think it’s going to get better seeing as I’ve been 30 lbs heavier and never looked like this. I think it’s just the way I look now and I need to learn to accept it. Three years later.

Your Age: 43 (gave birth at 40)
Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 years

I Love My Body…With Clothes ON! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cesarean, Legs, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

I found out I was pregnant with my first child when I was 19 years old. I was extremely excited but of course I was scared about what was to come. I was actually anxious to start to show…that didn’t happen until I was 6 months. Then I exploded like a hot air balloon. In the back of my head I always knew that I would get stretch marks, gain a lot of weight and look a hot mess because it was genetic. Both my mom and sisters gained a lot of weight…and “gave birth” via C-Section! :-(

I was 135lbs pre-pregnancy. When I gave birth to my child I weighed in at 209lbs at the hospital…74lbs. I am only 5’4″ so that looked disgusting. I had to have a C-Section because I had “Failure To Progress” which I think is a load of BS since neither I nor the baby was in any kind of danger. I think my doctor just wanted to go home. I digress. I breast fed for 9 months with baby #1. I only got back down to 175lbs. Then got preggers with baby #2 when baby #1 was 13 months. I had immense stretch marks already but there was no reason to do anything about them since I was already preggers again.

After baby #2 I hated my body. I was fat and stratted up (straie for stretch marks – you know – instead of tatted up?! Yeah Im corney). I had stretch marks everywhere except my feet, head, arms and hands. Literally. I was so depressed. I did go on WW and I lost 50 pounds and got all the way back down to 135lbs! But then me and their father split and I gained a lot back keeping me at 155lbs for two years but then I became ill a few months ago and am now at 144lbs.

The pictures below show my tummy…which I want a Tummy Tuck because doctors said that is the ONLY way to get rid of all the excess skin and stretch marks. I have a six back under the loose skin. I’ve always been muscular. I’ve tried to show you guys as close as possible the ones on my thighs, but, and sides.

To me there is nothing special about stretch marks. Getting rid of them does NOT mean that I resent my children…that’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I deserve to be happy with my body regardless of having children…

* Age: 25
* Number of pregnancies and births: 2 Pregnancies, 2 Births
* The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 and 3: 3 years PP.

My New Self (Dee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 10 Comments

~Age: 17
~Number of Pregnancies and Births: 1
~Age of Child/Postpartum: Almost 6 months

I tried to make this short, but failed miserably. I saw this website when looking for something to help with my stretch marks. I think this site is absolutely wonderful and I am very excited to post.

If you’re a mom reading this, I just want to say congratulations on being a mom and congratulations on your “mom” body. Even though it may not be your ideal body, it was your baby’s ideal body and without that body you wouldn’t have them. Whose lives are completely ideal anyways? Certainly not mine.

How It Happened:

I met a guy my junior/senior year (I graduated a year early, so my junior and senior year were combined). I was a butch lesbian at the time and just broke up with a serious girlfriend for reasons I won’t get into. I really liked him and we became good friends. I was attracted to him so our friendship became friends-with-benefits. We did lots of drugs together and hung out every day. Both of us had just gotten out of serious relationships, though, and neither of us wanted to get into anything serious any time soon. Him and I became extremely unhealthy because of our drug use and decided we needed to stop.

In the beginning of March, my period was only a couple days late and I concluded it was from my recent drug use, but decided to go get a pregnancy test just to make sure. My friend and I didn’t use protection because I just assumed it wouldn’t happen to me and that teen pregnancy wasn’t as common as everyone says. I wanted a family eventually, but I wanted to live a party lifestyle for a while before I settled down. We saw the results together and both broke down crying. I took 3 more tests just to be sure. They were all positive. I knew I couldn’t bring myself to have an abortion or go through an adoption. I don’t have anything against women who do either of those options; I’ve just always known I wouldn’t be able to when the choice needed to be made. To me it wasn’t a choice. I couldn’t bear to think about killing my own child or being separated from them after spending 9 long months of pregnancy and going through a birth with them. Colton, my friend-with-benefits, then decided we needed to be dating and that he was going to stick by my side. At first I didn’t want him to date me just because he got me pregnant; I wanted him to date me because he wanted to date me, but I knew that I was luckier than some girls and accepted the offer.

My Teenage Girl’s Body:

I was never happy with that body, which now I wish I could have back. I had symmetrical, perky, small C-sized breasts. My butt could have used some work, but it was definitely “cute”. My stomach wasn’t completely flat, but it was in better condition that many other girls. I had a beautiful navel piercing that I absolutely loved. My legs weren’t half-bad. I used to be a dancer before I got more into drugs and all the strengthening ballet, jazz, tap, etc. gave me was something I took for granite. I stood at 5’ 2 ½” and weighed 110 pounds at the most. I had 2 tattoos; a playboy on my butt cheek and three iris flowers on my ribs. The iris tattoo was a cover up because I had gotten an unprofessional tattoo that I regretted for an ex-girlfriend. My skin had many flaws, though. I used to cut myself because of unmanaged anxiety, which left me with terrible scars all over my right arm, stomach, and thighs. When I was a cutter, I had to hide my body because I felt like it was nobody’s business and I was embarrassed. Eventually, though, I stopped caring. Some people would stare and those who weren’t familiar with cutters would ask what happened to me. I’d always tell them the truth; that I used to have some problems. I was no longer ashamed of those imperfections, although sometimes I’d imagine how much more wonderful my body would be if only I hadn’t destroyed it. They don’t bother me anymore, but I love when I can tell they’ve faded more and more over the years.

The Pregnancy:

I had a completely uncomplicated pregnancy, except for the fact that I had anemia, but I suffered from that before my pregnancy as well. I gained around 37 pounds. I rubbed cocoa butter all over my body at least 3 times a day every day for the entire duration of my pregnancy. I was extremely worried about stretch marks. By the end, I noticed one, maybe two stretch marks and I was so happy. I constantly checked and was fine with having just one or two.

The Birth:

The birth was uncomplicated, although at one point the doctors thought I needed a C-section because I wasn’t progressing as fast as they’d like and they thought my baby’s head may be too large to fit through. I had a vaginal birth with an epidural at age 17 after 23 long hours in labor. I was very afraid of tearing or needing an episiotomy, but neither happened. Holding my daughter was the most amazing moment of my life. My boyfriend and I cried tears of joy at this wonderful little blessing we brought into the world.

My New Life:

I had already stopped doing drugs by the time I’d found out I was pregnant, but it changed my whole perspective. Why would I even consider getting high if it could harm my baby? Well, I wouldn’t and didn’t. I went from being a don’t-give-a-shit, teenage, druggie, lesbian to an expecting mother with a guy by her side. Literally, my whole life was turned upside down. A baby was the very last thing I was expecting. Suddenly all of my goals changed. My whole outlook on life changed. Just everything changed. I have my own little family now, and even though things aren’t perfect, my boyfriend and daughter are both amazing. I am a mother now. It is my new identity. No longer am I a butch or a party girl, but a mom.

My Daughter:

I had a gorgeous 7 lb 8 oz, baby girl named Daisy the day after my due date. She is the love of my life. I never realized how much I could love someone. She is more important to me than anything in this world and I wouldn’t change a single thing about her. Throughout my entire pregnancy I worried that something would be wrong with her because of all the drugs my boyfriend and I did before (and possibly right after) I became pregnant, but she is completely healthy and I am so dumbfounded by how amazing she is. I’m so proud of all the things she can do and is continuing to learn to do. Having a child is by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know she’s here for a reason. I was heading down the wrong path and she has put me on the right track and added so much more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined.

My New Woman’s Body:

Before I was just a girl, but now my body has endured the true pains of womanhood and I feel like a woman now. After I gave birth the weight melted off. By the time I was 3-4 weeks postpartum I weighed in at 115 lbs, which I am still at and can’t seem to lose those 5 more pounds. I was glad I had lost almost all my pregnancy weight in just a couple weeks and so ecstatic that I hardly got stretch marks throughout my entire pregnancy, but no one told me that you can also get stretch marks from losing a lot of weight quickly. I soon noticed lots of little stretch marks all over my stomach and butt/hips. I am crier and I cried about it for a good while. I used more cocoa butter and bio oil, but neither showed noticeable improvement. I am now using Mederma Stretch Mark Therapy; in hopes that it will help them fade (I’ll let you know how it works). Since I’ve already dealt with scars for years, I know that it takes time for things like that to fade and that there isn’t just a magic cream that will make them disappear. My woman’s body has less muscle all over and a lot more chub in the midsection. My once sexy navel piercing is now droopy and old-looking. My thighs and calves have cellulite and no longer have the dancer-look they once did. And my breasts; oh, how I miss those perky, teenager breasts. My breasts now aren’t as perky or symmetrical. They are smaller than they were in middle school. I loved wearing low-cut shirts back in pre-pregnancy years, but now I feel so flat-chested it’s as if they don’t even exist.

The Conclusion:

Now, I could complain about my new body all day, but I simply don’t want to. It’s a complete waste of energy. My body is wonderful. I am so proud of my body for creating, carrying, and giving birth to my beautiful daughter. I know that many mothers have it way worse than I do and I should be grateful that my “mom” body isn’t so bad. I’m worried about summer coming up and having to wear a bathing suit. I think I still have the nerve to show off my body, but it definitely makes me uneasy. I have doubts about myself and I am very self-conscious after giving birth, but I should stop waiting for my old body to come back because I know that body is long gone. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I love my body for what it did and what it does every day, not how it looks. What’s so great, though, is that I can love how it looks, too. I also know that you will see improvement in your body, but only if you work at it and take care of it.

I just want to say to all the mothers out there that I never knew how under appreciated we are until I became one. Mothers are amazing people and I honestly don’t think the world would work without us.

And to all other teenage mothers- I know it sucks to see that none of your friends have mother’s bodies and their bodies seem so perfect and not ruined, but you have something that they don’t even know they’re missing: the joy of being a mother. They can’t even begin to understand how much love you have in your life, at least I didn’t before I became a mother. Those bangin’ little teenage bodies shrivel in comparison to the complete happiness my daughter gives me every single day.

Pictures:
1. 4 months pregnant; prom night
2. 6 1/2 months pregnant on vacation for my 17th birthday
3. 39 weeks pregnant
4. Pushing at the hospital
5. My baby, Daisy, at the hospital
6. Me and my little girl
8-10. Almost 6 months postpartum
11. My little Daisy at 5 1/2 months

Updated here.