Postpartum

Sharing the Beautiful and the Ugly (Freckles)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

Hi, I am the owner of Freckles Fairy Chest and just uploaded these photos today. It seems to be a wonderful hit and I have been so grateful for the wonderful feedback on my story. I often model my creations and decided that it was best to leave my body the way it is for all to see. I just turned 28, and have one girl who is 17 months old.

Reposted with permission from Freckles Fairy Chest.

A couple of weeks ago, I got inspired to work on some floral fashion designs for Spring. I got the idea to cover an old bra with flowers and leaves, and make some hair clips and a necklace out of spring colored flowers. My husband got a ladder, stood above me laying on a green sheet (aka magic screen) and started taking some photos of me. About half way through, I took a peek and said, “Take them a little closer, because we are cropping out my stomach!” Every woman has a part of her body that she believes is ugly, or not quite what it once was. I am no different.

When I was pregnant with my baby fairy, Elora Avalene, I actually gained 60 pounds! Oh, believe me, I heard lectures from everyone including my mom and Doctor, (who was nice enough to say to me, “You gained six pounds in a WEEK?!” with her slender and beautiful figure). But I freaking love food! Throw in a pregnant appetite, and all that is left of your body are a million stretch marks and a sagging one pack. At least I am married now, so it doesn’t bother me as much as it would if I were single and trying to impress. haha. My husband couldn’t be more supportive, and always tells me how beautiful I am, no matter what. For goodness sake, the photo that bothers me most, he has titled “MywifeisfreakingHOT” as a jpg file name. One lucky fairy, right here!

So if I have all of that, why does my post baby body still bother me, as I sit here and look at photos from this recent shoot and want to crop away, and do photoshop plastic surgery on them? With all of these sayings and posts about embracing your body the way it is, why have I still not let it sink in? The answer seems simple, how many photos have you seen go viral with a pretty woman full of stretch marks? None that I know of, though I do recall the brave magazine cover some years ago with Jamie Lee Curtis showing off her middle aged body. I am not trying to pose nude or be controversial here, but I think it is time for me to be brave enough to stop cropping and using the “pucker” tool in photoshop. I don’t want to promote a kind of unrealistic view of beauty for moms out there.

So here I am, stretch marks, fat, pale skin, double chin and all. Radiating in my motherly glow for the world to see and criticize.

Read more and share here.

Update: Help!!! Bikini worthy or not? 13 Months PP Still with worried about tummy. (Jamie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 24 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies/ Births: 1

Previous post here.

This is my second post to this website. I am now 13 Months PP. I hate to admit it but I am feeling worse than ever!!! I am up and down as far as staying optimistic about my body, I will go two maybe three weeks at a time thinking my stomach will start tightening up / looking better then I completely break down feeling like the ugliest person in the world. My husband booked us a trip to Hawaii in 4 weeks; and I am terrified that I am going to ruin the trip with my mood. After all it is a place where bikinis are kind of a must! I figured by now that my stomach would look good enough to wear a bikini. I am only 22! I shouldn’t feel like I am used up and old. I think at this point any improvements I see in my stomach, are only me getting used to my stomach rather than it actually looking better. I just need to know what my stomach looks like from another person’s perspective, I would feel horrible if I went out in a bikini and appauled people with my stomach. My husband gets upset when I cry or complain about my apperance and says that with time I will look better. I guess all I really want him to say is that I am beautiful and that it is all in my head. I asked him whether or not he thinks it would be acceptable for me to wear a two piece bathing suit and he kind of avoids the question. I just need some closure from someone else. So please someone honestly tell me their opinion.

That point aside, my husband and I are trying for another baby (so excited!!) I went to the OBGYN this month to figure out why it took so long last time to conceive; she diagnosed me with PCOS. I was told that it was as if my body has the throttle pushed and the brakes pushed at the same time so my body doesn’t really get anywhere when trying to drop an egg. Does anyone else have this? (I heard it is the most common cause for infertility) Any suggestions?

The picture where you can see the shirt is 8 months pp and the one where you cannot see my shirt is now at 13 months pp.

Thank you all for your support, It is so nice to have someone who has gone through the same things to talk to.

Mother of 7 (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, VBAC 12 Comments

How can I teach my daughters, and my sons, things I haven’t quite figured out yet? How can I be confident in my own skin when the world, both inside and outside of myself, tells me I should hide? How did women lose their power to just “be”in their role as mother, satisfied with happy children and a healthy birth?

I don’t know, but I know that in late 1980 I was already destined to despise my body, and feel like there was something wrong with it. So I became a fat little girl before I knew I could say no to food that starved my body, and clouded my mind. I always hated myself, and remember at 8 years old trying to make my arms appear smaller by wrapping my upper arms in toilet paper and rubber bands. My “before” pictures would not show much. I was always very large chested and had boyfriends, but overall felt out of place, fat and gross.

Once I had my first daughter at 17 years old, I was scared but happy to spend 9 months growing a little being. I was a good mother. A dedicated college graduate, and had a kind heart. But my ass was still fat, but not as fat as my deformed Csection dissected belly.

I lost 100 pounds, met my husband and went on to have 4 more children. All Csections. 5 Csections and 5 children, 4 of them in 5 years time took a deep and irreversible toll on my body. The multiple Csections left me feeling insecure and inept.

I had my first vaginal birth, 10#5oz baby boy (child #6) unassisted at home with my husband and my children. He was amazing. He still is. This healed places in myself that continue to heal.

I just had my 7th son this past June (2012), another boy, another beautiful and FaSt unassisted birth. I gained 30 pounds, was Doing yoga 5-6 times a week, hiking mountains and standing fully inverted head stands days before he was born.

I love my body now. I accept its amazing ability to heal, carry me through this awesome ride of life, and nurture my children. My sexuality is prime and there is nothing that makes me feel more alive than having confidence inside my skin.

I have 7 children, and could have more. I am 32 years old. I have a masters, I am a massage therapist. I love to write and play music. I love to travel and experience new things. I love to spend time with my children and my lover, partner and friends. I am more than complete… In spite of the holes which have been carved in my body, I am whole.

Updated here.

Light at the End of the Tunnel (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

Previous post here.

I wanted to post an update. In my previous entry, I was 3 weeks pp, and now I am 6 months pp. I still visit this site daily and find encouragement and inspiration in all of the stories written and shared. Every one on here is beautiful and each experience unique; that is what we all need to embrace and LOVE about ourselves. We all have gone through a common experience of carrying a child, but beyond that all of our stories are different. Some of struggle, some of pure bliss, some of uncertainty, some of pain, some of heartache, some of selflessness, some stories that make me want to reach through the computer and hug the original poster, etc… at the end of each story, however, is the same thing; we love our LO’s with all of our hearts, we couldn’t have imagined a love so strong and a dedication so deep beyond the needs of ourselves. We couldn’t imagine life another way…BUT we want our old bodies back!!! Even as much as we hated our bodies pre pregnancy, we wish we had that body of imperfection rather than this body we see today. Guess what. This body today performed a miracle (or maybe two or three, or more!!) and the new “imperfections” we are so quick to point out are those of which tell our unique story.

Trust me, this has been a very difficult concept for me to accept. I will be the first to admit I have spent countless hours searching the internet on mini tummy tucks, tummy tucks, total mommy makeovers, thermage, ItWorks body wraps, etc, etc, etc… but over the past two months I decided to make a change within myself. I started to eat better. I’m not on any fad diets and I definitely don’t deprive myself. But I make it a point to drink lots and lots of water every day. I am always a happier person when I am “fit” so I started a work out routine. Being a full time working mom of 2 and a student, this is difficult to squeeze in but I manage a 25 minute workout MOST mornings and it kicks my arse! Then on weekends I try and do a couple miles run. Other than that, no drastic changes. Even though I haven’t made big changes to my eating and I’ve only incorporated a tiny bit of exercise, I can see a big change in my body, my confidence is through the roof and I am a much happier mom and wife.

I used to look in the mirror in disgust. Most recently I noticed my boobs had shrunk in size and aren’t as perky as they once were. But when I have a good bra on I can sport a v-neck or low cut shirt with “cute/attractive” cleavage rather than the “in your face” cleavage I used to have. I think smaller boobs are more classy ;) And to be honest, I have always wished for smaller boobs. Recently I was thinking breast implants to regain the perkiness but now I look in the mirror and appreciate the softness of them. They seem so feminine and womanly. Maybe I’m having a good week and will have a moment down the line of wanting breast implants again. Either way, I am learning to accept the changes my body has gone through, and continues to go through pp and with age. Underneath it all, I am simply striving to just be a good and better person. That’s what matters most at the end of the day anyways.

So as we wake up each morning and pick apart our “flaws”, let’s do ourselves a favor and weasel in at least one positive compliment to ourselves to kick start our days. Maybe eventually that one compliment will turn into more and take over our self confidence and society as we see it today can kiss all of our butts when we flaunt our mommy bodies with pride!!

I may not be magazine perfect, but airbrush me and I’m damn near close ;) hahahahaha (that’s sarcasm but a sneak peak to what I tell myself to boost my confidence!) I’m far from where I want to be but I know I will get there. And in the meantime, I’m a good mom, a good wife, a good friend, a good sister, and a hard worker, among other things. I am more than my skin and appearances. And so are you. We aren’t perfect, nor will we ever be, but we are who we are and we need to love us. I want my daughters to love themselves the way that I love them, so I need to love myself the way that my mom loved me (she passed Nov. 2012 and the one thing that sticks in my brain every time I find myself dissecting my image in the mirror is her telling me “you have a nice figure, you always have and can wear anything you want because you always look cute”). I would never think less of my daughters if they sported the loose skin, stretchmarks or any other scars, so why do I think less of myself?

Here are some pictures of me 6 months pp.

My journey from flab to fab abs – I know I can do this! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

When I was only 18 y/o I had my first son at 10 pounds and 22 inches. I am only 5 ft. I gained 60 pounds and wound up with nasty stretch marks. I’m now pushing 23 and it has been 4 yrs since I’ve worn a bikini. I had my daughter in june 2012. She weighed 6 lbs and left me no marks. This beginning of march 2013 I started training hard at a local gym. I do cardio and intense weight traning. I feel so let down sometimes when I look in the mirror, I hate comparing myself to friends putting sexy summer photos on their web pages. I just want to be sexy again and for my husband. My husband met me with all my marks, but hey I’m young, so why shouldn’t I get fit and prove to myself that I can do this. I’ve come a long way already….has anyone actually reduced the marks with exercise? I’m thinking of laser or bluelight therapy.

(Excuse all the upside-down photos. My computer won’t save them upright for some reason. Gah. -Bonnie)

From Hating Myself to Having it All (H.L.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

Hello everyone,
I want to firstly mention that this blog does so much good for mothers and I am proud to finally add my submission. I had my first child at 17. I had no idea what I was in store for emotionally or physically at the time. It always really bugged me that none of my female family members took the time to prepare me for what would happen to my body after having a child, but honestly… none of my female family members bodies turned out anywhere near as bad as mine. My mother had me at 17 and I was her only child, she never even had a single stretch mark. I went from being 16 and JUST FINALLY getting boobs and becoming a women to having my body completely changed. A lot of the reason my body suffered as much as it did is the fact that I am extremely petite, I am only five feet tall and have almost no torso.

My first child did most of the damage but with each child (three total) following it got worse and worse. I gained and lost weight after and in between each pregnancy as most people do and of course breastfed my children which made my breasts sag and stretch just as much as my tummy. I spent 7 years yo-yoing, trying to get rid of the weight which I thought would get rid of the skin, I wore hard, tight compression garments daily just to be able to wear normal clothing without my tummy showing through my clothing. I always wanted a tummy tuck to fix my tummy because I knew my tummy was an extreme case that could only be fixed surgically. My husband and I had our third and final child 02/14/2011 and we decided to have my tubes tied not only because we were done having children, but because we knew that at some point in the future that I would finally have a tummy tuck and would not want to risk an accidental pregnancy after.

In August of 2012 I decided I couldn’t live with my body anymore and for the first time in my life I was seriously overweight. My heaviest weight was 185lbs and I decided it was time for a consultation with a plastic surgeon. I went in and had a consult and we put our down payment on the surgery scheduled over three months down the line so we had time to save for the surgery and for me to kick butt and shed as much weight as I could before the surgery. By the time my surgery arrived on 12/13/12 I had lost 35lbs and was at my goal weight for the operation. I had my tummy tuck and now I have my body back. I feel so blessed to have a beautiful family, loving spouse and my self confidence back. It was hard work to lose the weight and save the money for the surgery but it completely changed my life.

The point of my submission is that the joy that comes with parenting doesn’t have to come at a cost. You can say I have my cake (my kids) and I am eating it too.

I included a collage of pictures before my surgery and some photos from after. The before pictures are after I lost 35lbs right before the surgery. The difference between the before and after photos is only 5lbs! All 5 of those lbs were skin. I also want to mention that with my tummy tuck I had a Mons Pubis excision. As many of you know, after having children (especially if you have lots of excess skin) your vajay-jay can sag and become puffy, the Mons Pubis surgery corrects it.

I wish you all the best on your journey of finding, accepting and loving yourself no matter WHAT works for you.

Age: 25
Three pregnancies, three births, children’s ages (8,6,2)

Update – Pregnant by choice, body fears reappear. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Age 25
Pregnancies 2
One 5 year old and currently 18 weeks pregnant

Previous post here.

I was in top shape at 133 and toned and decided I wanted another baby. We are having another boy. And at 17 weeks I feel fat, and ugly… I fear that I will become depressed as I did with my first child. Worried that my body will become worse , I worry about each pound I gain, and just want to be able to work out to loose it again… I feel horrible that I’m not loving pregnancy as I do crew first time, just critical of my body all over again.

1st – progress over the two years before 2nd pregnancy last is 130 lbs
2nd photo – 1 month
3rd photo 4 months

Healing and Hopeful (Kerry)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Birth, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Spousal/Partner Abuse, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

22 years old
2 pregnancies 2 births
3 years 11 months, and 13 months PP

Most recent post here.

I’ve posted a few entries in the past, here is one, the last one was almost 2 years ago. Reading back on my posts I read the things I was trying to convince myself to believe, but wasn’t quite there yet. I thought if I wrote it and saw my pictures I might start believing it. Truthfully though, I hated my body. HATED it, though I so desperately wanted to feel beautiful. I was apprehensive about posting all of this with my name, and my face, but it is who I am.

As you can tell, if you look at the pictures in my old posts, I yo-yoed with weight, from saying I felt fabulous at 165, and then dropping 40lbs by my final entry. I’ve been wanting to write a new entry for a while now, since I started healing. So here it goes :)

I got pregnant with my second child in April 2011 (10 days after weaning my son!) we practiced NFP but he was home for 1 day in between trips and “in the moment” hormones took over. I hadn’t wanted a second child because the emotional roller coaster that happened as a result from my first pregnancy, birth, and bodily change was so horrific that I wasnt sure I would be able to handle it again. I had PPD for the first 10 months, which went untreated because I did not want to acknowledge failure, which is what I felt it was.

My husband was never that great of a guy, I had had him arrested for domestic violence and every apartment we lived in I had to patch and fix before we could move out; he had quite the temper, along with substance abuse. He had wandering eyes and blamed it on me, my lack of sex drive (3-4x a week was not enough) and my ruined body and lack of desire to get in shape to turn him on. I was told about all the beautiful girls he had been with, and since I was ruined I was lucky to have him and even if he left me I’d never find a man who would find me attractive. I didn’t want to bring another kid into the mix, I hated the fact that my son had to know this life. When I was 4 months pregnant he admitted that he had been cheating on me with my co-worker/best friend, I left him that week. I packed up what I needed, and moved my two year old son and myself into a room in my parents house. Leaving an abusive, controlling relationship was the hardest thing I ever did. I wanted so badly to go back,” I was comfortable with it, I could put up with it.. it wouldn’t get THAT much worse” thankfully I held firm and after 7 months of going to counseling individually and as a couple with elders from my church, without seeing a change on his part, I filed for divorce. God blessed me with an amazing family, and church family that supported me and encouraged me every step of the way. I had an amazing second home water birth, 4 hours of light labor and 10 minutes of intense labor. My daughter was born at 41 weeks exactly, perfect in every way :) I never got PPD after her birth, I had my placenta encapsulated and took that, but I think more of it had to do with the fact that I was in an encouraging, loving environment this time around. Fast forward a year and here I am. I’m still living with my parents, but I am a full time student going for my RN, I have two beautiful kids who are safe and do not have to see that life. I am so thankful, God is good!

That process was the beginning of my healing. Discovering that I might just be a worthwhile human being who might just be beautiful, who might just have a brain (I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA!), and who, someday, someone might truly cherish. I took the power back. I continued to eat healthy and stay active throughout my pregnancy, quitting work as a CNA at 35 weeks. I felt awesome after she was born and started the couch to 5k program when she was 3 weeks old. I was doubtful, I just wasnt a runner… I wasnt made to run. I completed my first 5k within 9 months :) I started doing crossfit when she was 7 month old and it’s pretty safe to say I’m hooked! I absolutely love working out. It’s no longer something I feel I have to do to try to look attractive, or that my body is so disgusting that its the only solution. I’m strong, I’m powerful, I’m good at what I do and I get such enjoyment out of it! Last week I deadlifted 226lbs, I failed at 130 6 months before, needless to say I was pretty happy, not stopping here though! After giving birth I lost the weight pretty quickly, and settled at 133, where I have been for the last 9 or 10 months, I eat clean (though the occasional bag of almond M&Ms and lattes have to be snuck in ;) ) I am not interesting in losing any weight, I like where I am at and feel awesome. Just love challenging my body and getting stronger and faster. I am signed up to do the Tough Mudder in May. The idea of getting married again some day and a man seeing my body still makes me a little apprehensive, not going to lie.. and I find myself second guessing things like wearing a two piece because my belly will show, but I am reading This Momentary Marriage by John Piper and there was a chapter on being naked and not ashamed, and how it was not due to perfect bodies. It doesn’t mean no stretchmarks, or “perfect” measurements, or straight teeth.. but that the love of a husband (or wife) does not see and pick apart those imperfections, but loves the spouse as a whole. I was floored. I felt hope.

Sorry this is so long, I still struggle with my saggy breasts, and stretchmarks from time to time, and Im not sure if those struggles will ever be gone for good, but I feel real, and I feel alive, and most days I feel beautiful. Over the last two years the biggest transformation is not of my body, but of my mind and soul. I cant stop smiling on the inside, or just saying “God is good, God is so good!” I am healing :) I hope that my story reaches out to at least one woman out there who can take encouragement from it.

pictures 1 & 2 are from my daughters birth
picture 3 is me deadlifting 226lbs
picture 4 is my stomach presently

Is my vagina ruined? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Vulva 38 Comments

It took me awhile to conceive my 1st child, so when I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled. It didn’t take long though for my anxiety to set in and for my body issues to only be exasperated by my growing and changing physique. I gained 60 pounds during those 9 months. For someone who was abused and constantly told I was ugly and fat as a child by my father, this really put me in a bad place. I tend to gain weight very easily and a lot of it was water weight but it was still something I felt shame for. Every single time I went to my checkups, I dreaded the scale. I worried about what people thought of me, I hated the way I looked and didn’t want pictures taken of my pregnant belly. Fast forward to now, my son just turned 2. He amazes me every.single.day and is my pride and joy. I still have some of my baby weight, my breasts have changed, and I feel that my vagina looks different as well. My vagina is something that I’m actually quite concerned about….it’s my biggest issue. I had incontinence for the first 9 months or so after birth but that seems to have resolved itself for the most part. Sometimes I will pee a teeny bit if I sneeze or cough hard enough. But the opening of my vagina seems wider and longer to me. The hole is definitely different and seems to go quite far down, almost to my anus. I only tore on my labia according to my midwives so I don’t understand why it looks so different. Sex is pretty good and hasn’t changed dramatically but I do notice that I’m a bit softer inside and I feel less friction. I definitely don’t feel as tight as I used to feel and that worries me. I want more children but am concerned about furthering the damage down there. I’ve even started obsessively looking up c-sections, and vaginoplasty. Will my vagina get worse with each baby?? Every medical professional I saw prior to giving birth assured me that nothing would change and that everything would eventually return to normal but I disagree. I feel like this is a subject that isn’t discussed amongst women, and if it is, it’s not done openly and candidly. I have suffered so much mentally over this fear that my vagina isn’t pleasurable anymore and that if I have more babies it will only get worse. I don’t know what to think. I feel so abnormal and alone and that’s why I came here.

You may also choose to include:
~Age:27
~Number of pregnancies and births:3 pregnancies, 1 abortion, and 1 miscarriage.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 year old child.

The more graphic images are available here and here.