My Body Struggle (Anonymous)

I met my now husband in 6th grade, and we’ve been “on and off” since. We have been together with no break ups for 5 years now, married for two of those years. I know my husband loves me and is attracted to me but I NEVER feel good enough. He had cheated on me once while we were still in high school and I feel it still haunts me. I always feel like something was my fault. Now that we have our beautiful daughter, my husband and I are closer than ever, but I still feel so insecure. I have stretch marks and slightly loose skin and I am in no way a skinny girl. I have cried several times over this, and think that I may have some sort of postpartum depression that only deals with my own body image. I just want to share my pictures in case young women like myself feel like they are the only mom their age who have changed bodies after pregnancy. I know that is how I’ve felt since I know tons of moms my age that look exactly the same if not better than before. I want to be able to feel sexy again someday, but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen. Everyday I struggle with my body image, and I wish I didn’t. I know I don’t have the WORST body, but this is no where near MY best body.

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months

3 months pp from cesarean, do I have diastatis recti? (Anonymous)

~Age: 36
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months

I had elective cesarean section 3 months ago because my baby boy was breech. The cesarean wasn’t a great experience as I lost a lot of blood (2 litres) and was put on iron tablets that me horrendous constipation and tummy ache. I also suffered for weeks with trapped wind and gas. Infact I’m still more gassy now than I ever used to be.

My baby boy was a gorgeous healthy 7lbs15oz.

Before pregnancy I had a very flat stomach and good BMI. I wasn’t really toned but I walked my dog for an hour a day and felt healthy (I have included a photo of my tummy when I was 5 weeks pregnant). During pregnancy I put on about 3 stone (40lbs) but luckily didn’t get any stretch marks. Post partum my stomach started going down very quickly initially and I don’t have a ceseran overhang around the scar. But what has upset me is I still look pregnant – people are asking if I am expecting again as I have a round bump all at the front. It feels firm-ish and doesn’t sag (see photos).

I do still have a stone to lose to be back at pre pregnancy weight but that’s more around hips/bum. My belly feels like it has a small layer of fat covering it, but is firm and comes out. Is this diastatis recti? Or normal after a caesarean and do I just have to be patient and it will take a year to go down?
rom my iPhone

5 weeks pregnant

I Want to Be Me Again (Desiree)

my name is desiree im 22 a mother of one amazing boy who is 14 months before baby I was 125 pounds which is curvy for my height a tiny 5 ft tall at full term I was 172 a year later im still bouncing between 140 and 145. my husband is the kindest most understanding person he “loves” my new mommy curves and I was “too skinny before ” but I feel disgusting I wear 2 girdles sometimes just to hide my bloated belly which is partially due to ulcerative colitis that was triggered by pregnancy I wish I could fix it but no amount of working out did anything to help and surgery is too drastic and expensive im thankful for my awesome son and and amazing hubby but I want to feel sexy again I loved my body before I just want to go back to that. my close friend has 4 kids and is a size 2 with barely a mark on her so I kinda expected the same with myself this site showed me everyone is different and im not alone in the struggle to be comfortable in my own skin again after baby thank you for that ?

My Stomach Looks Distorted (Rebecca)

Age-21
Pregnancies/births-3/1
Postpartum-3 years

Hey there ladies! First off I’d like to say that I love this site and what its all about!! So, here’s my story. I gave birth to my first child,stillborn, at the age of 14. I was very petite, had a flat stomach,small boobs, and a bubble butt. I delivered Benny @ 7.5 months…..my stomach bounced back right away, but because I did go through a natural labor, my breast still filled with milk
and went from a 34 A to a DD which left me with very stretched out, saggy, dark nipple breasts. I later became pregnant with my second son Jody, at the age of 16 and birthed him @ 17….weighing in @ 8.5 oz. Throughout my whole pregnancy with him, I was smooth sailing….eating whatever I wanted when I wanted….thinking “oh, well since im still young and I already know that my body will bounce back- I don’t HAVE TO take precaution because I’ve been through this already.” BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! my pre-pregnancy weight was 112(I was actually struggling to gain weight,as I wanted to be “thick” like the other girls..which I some what did!!! I had finally fit into a size 3.yayyy!!!) flat stomach, ruined breast…with the same bubble butt. So I started @ 112….finished off the pregnancy @ 160(roughly) this left my stomach in a horrific sight!!!! After I delivered….. My stomach wasn’t huge anymore so I automatically felt “sexy” again. A few weeks later when the whole parenting thing was set….I started focusing on my body! I was so depressed..I cried and cried for days straight, having pity parties and constantly reminding myself that I WILL NEVER look as good as ANY OTHER FEMALE WHO EXISTED ON PLANET EARTH. 3 years later….I still have a hard time looking in the mirror and believing the compliments people give me, especially my BD (we’ve gone through the whole ” why the fuck do u have to look @ porn when I’m right here motherfucker!!! WHAT? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!) Its better….but we still can’t watch rated R movies that show the perfect bitches. I still have a lot of learning to do to be confident with who I am, how I’ve changed, and accepting the wrinkling skin that I’m in. I find myself seriously considering surgery.

My stats before/after: 112/140; size3/size9 ;34A/34B (stretch marks, saggy, forever cursed with large dark nipples) ; firm body& confidence/ very loose jiggly body with very low confidence. I can’t help but to compare myself to EVERY WOMAN, especially the ones close to my age (21) and feel nothing but envy. They can wear bikinis and crop tops and look great…me on the other hand…. … *tears* will never know how that feels. I pretty much feel like a fat girl trapped in a skinny girls body. I can’t wear what I’m attracted to because its meant for girls who have nice bodies. I hope to one day, get off my ass, get back into sports…..exercise and quit throwing pity parties in fitting rooms. Any words of advice??

Talk me out of plastic surgery. (Anonymous)

Age- 25
Number of Children-1, aged 3

I have a son that I love more than life itself. I always had body issues, despite being petite. I fluctuated between 100-110 lbs all through out high school. I was very self conscious of my boobs. The right one was (and still is) smaller than the left side. My nipples looked “puffy” unless I was cold. But they were a 34C and looked good in cute tops and had mass, if you know what I mean.

I was hopeful when I got pregnant that maybe both boobs would finally look the same and that maybe my nipples would be more erect. I guess I was hoping that having a baby would “fix” them. After breast feeding for six months, I quickly learned that having a baby wasn’t going to make them look any better. They shrunk and shrunk and shrunk, and what I was left with was the skin of 34D breasts without the volume. They sag big time now. My nipples are back to being sort of puffy when I’m warm, only getting erect when I’m cold.

I have the option to get breast augmentation. It’s something my husband and I have talked about a lot. He doesn’t care whether I do it or not. He’s concerned that it won’t actually solve the issue.
I don’t even know why it bothers me so much. I am thankful that I was able to nurse for six months. The boobs served their purpose and nourished my child. But I feel self conscious when my husband touches them. I know he still enjoys touching them but to me, they’ve lost their sensual qualities and I’d rather he touch me somewhere else, anywhere else, but not my boobs.

I can’t decide what to do. We aren’t going to have more children, so it’s not like I have to worry about future breastfeeding being affected. I’m trying to ignore society’s idea of what breasts should look like and really look into my heart over this decision.

It’s been really hard on me, and I’ve struggled with it for a while. I want to look more like the 17 year old me, because she really had it good. She was fun and carefree with hardly any responsibilities. Now I look at myself naked and I match how I feel. Tired, stressed, aging. There’s never enough time to do what I wish I could do for myself and it’s depressing.

If I got the surgery, it would be modest. I would like to a 34C again and just have mass and volume in my breasts again. I’m not interested in having boobs that don’t even move because they’re so overdone. I know I should be looking at the bigger picture, how it’s not going to matter in the slightest when I’m 80… but could I have more confidence now? How great would it be if I could pull off my shirt in front of my husband and let him touch them, and enjoy it, instead of sneaking around trying to cover up when I’m changing or getting out of the shower?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. I am really on the fence about it right now. Thank you for reading my story!

First pic is me warm and hunched over.
Second pic is me cold and standing up.

Two Weeks Postpartum Baby # 2 (Anonymous)

My first child is 7 years old and I had the pupps rash and severe stretch marks that later faded. I had some lose skin but this baby has given me a hanging pouch. My son was born 9-22 and I carried him straight out front like a watermelon. I gained about 26 lbs and have lost all but about 12 . I had lost that after about the first week but I’m staying steady at 130 now. I am swollen or have a hard spot above belly button(uterus?) I don’t remember this with DD. my belly button is awful. It’s flipped completely out. Here I am 2 weeks and 1 day pp, 2nd child.

My Rainbow Baby and VBA2C! (Shannon)

Most recent post here.
# of pregnancies and births: 4/3
How far pp: 7 years, 4.5 years, 2.5 weeks
Age: 27

As you all know (since I post here frequently!), I lost my 3rd pregnancy. I have had quite the bumpy road as far as my babies go. Connor passed away 5 years and 5 months ago (his 7th birthday was on September 24th), I had my 2nd only a year later, lost my 3rd, and just gave birth to my 4th baby on 9/19, Emerson James! It was a successful VBA2C :) You can read my other posts if you have never read any of my stories.

Here is my birth story written by my husband:

Sunday Night:
We dropped Liam off at Megan and Steve’s house so he could play with Canyon. We left there at a little after 6PM. There was traffic because of a baseball game, so we did a little detour near northeasten. All told we pulled in at 715, right on the dot.

We were admitted to the maternity floor and had a really nice nurse (who had recently graduated from UMass). The next few hours was a combination of doctors (most notably the one with the purple hair clip) to convince you that the best way to induce was to do “the balloon” followed by some Pitosin. You were concerned that, should the induction not take, you would then be coerced into doing a C-section. During the course of this, you were inspected and determined to be 1cm dilated. Also, Purple Hair Clip stripped your membranes. The doctor’s seemed a little confused as they thought you were here for an induction and yet you didn’t want the induction at the same time. In the end, partially due to PHC’s 30% success rate estimate, you decided to talk it over with Dr McElrath, your primary OB/GYN. He wasn’t available at the time, so we decided to get a hotel in hopes that we could meet with him the next morning.

Upon leaving the hospital we checked out the Howard Johnson near Fenway, but there was a game that night so it was very loud (and probably booked anyway). I looked around and decided to stay at the Best Western at 1650 Commonwealth ave. We got into the room at midnight (just as breaking bad was picking up where we left off). We watched the rest of breaking bad, then went to sleep.

Monday
We woke up and, after a few phone calls, settled on meeting with Dr McElrath at 1245. In the meantime we went to Whole Foods and got some breakfast in the form of delicious sandwiches. We met with McElrath and you were just as indecisive as last night. Fortunately McElrath made the decision for you, telling you that your best chance was to wait until you go into labor naturally. We decided to go home and wait. Before we left, we had one of what would turn out to be many meals at the Mission.

We got home, where your mom was watching Liam and Molly. The rest of the night was uneventful. We got to tuck Liam in, which was nice.

Tuesday
You starting feeling contractions around 3AM. You timed them for a while and then woke me up and we left around 6AM. Traffic was pretty bad so I cut through Woburn and back out onto 93. That saved us a little bit of time, but it still took about 1.5 hours.

Once there the doctors inspected you (and you were still 1cm dilated). After a few hours they inspected you again, and not much had changed. They said to go walk around for a while to see if that got things going. So we went to lunch at the Mission again and then met Jenny at the park on Mission Hill right off of Birgham Circle. There you did some sort of exercises to try to change Emerson’s position in your belly. I read a book. It was nice.

After the park we went to get something to eat at the Mission again (I had left my credit card there… surprise), this time Jenny joined us. The bartender gave us a free drink on account of your ripeness, which was cool of him.

We then went back to the hospital, and they inspected you… still not much progress (you might have been a little bit more effaced and softer, but nothing huge). After some chatting they decided to keep you overnight to see how things went. They decided this partially because you were having strong contractions.

Wednesday
Unfortunately, the contractions died down by the morning. You might have been 1.5cm dilated, and slightly more effaced, but progress was slow. Instead of inducing we decided to stay the (new) course of letting your body do what it wants to do. We were discharged, had lunch at the Mission, and went home. We got home around 3PM.

Liam was down on the Cape, so it was just us. We got some La Caretta and then hung out for a bit while you took bath (right before which some of your mucus plug came out). Afterwards you said it would be great to get a hotel with a hot tub. We called around and settled on the Crowne Plaza Nashua. We got there at about 630PM. You immediately got in the hot tub (which was concerningly high off the ground… funny to watch your ripe self climb into it). You were overly aggressive with the bubbles and we (mostly I) had to scoop them out and put them in the standup shower. Afterwards, I joined you in the tub (which had jets that shot out at ~100MPH). Shortly afterwards you noticed something in the bubbles. You weren’t sure what it was but we narrowed it down to three possibilities:
You pooped
You lost the rest of your mucus plug
Your water broke
You called the doctor and they said not to be concerned and that it was likely the rest of your mucus plug.

Thursday (midnight)

I should note that at this point your contractions are getting more intense. So we get back in the tub (actually just you for a while… I was chilling in a robe) as your contractions began to become more intense and more frequent. Later I jointed you in the tub and starting timing your contractions. They had been about 3-5 minutes apart for about an hour and a half when we decided to leave. We left the hotel room at 1:20AM.

The trip down to Brigham was an interesting one. I wasn’t sure if we were going to have enough gas, but I didn’t tell you at the time because you were having what appeared to be very painful contractions. Fortunately the gas was enough (barely) and the roads were wide open on account of the time, so we successfully arrived at Brigham at 2:05.

At admitting there was another pregnant woman when we arrived, and another one came in shortly after us. We all went up to the 5th floor of the CWN building (Center for Women and Newborns?). You were the last of the 3 to be brought to a room.

Once in the room, you were inspected and found to be about 4cm dilated at 80% effaced. Finally, we knew this was it and we were not leaving without Emerson coming out. In order to ease your pain and hopefully get you some rest, they gave you an epidural (something you were very excited about). During the epidural the anesthesiologist accidentally touched a wrong nerve, sending your right leg shaking. He said “What was that?” which, at the time, was discomforting. Afterwards we realized he was asking which leg it was (so he knew what it was he had touched). The rest of the anesthesia went off without a hitch and you tried to get some rest. The time was now around 5AM.

You got some rest over the next few hours, so not much happened. The nurse would periodically come in and check Emerson’s vital signs. Throughout the entire ordeal Emerson’s heart rate looked great, so again, nothing notable went on here.
Somewhere in midmorning you were determined to be about 6cm dilated. At this point I called Connie and Jenny to tell them they could come. They arrived late-morning and, after some chatting, you had them wait out in the waiting room until the time was right.
A little bit after noon you were inspected again and it was found that there was “just a lip” remaining. At this point the nurse got you getting ready to push. The next few hours was a slow progression with (what I presume to be) the usual milestones. Once it became clear that the head popping out was imminent, I was sent to fetch Connie and Jennny. They came in and watched. Your Mom prayed in the corner while I held your legs to “help” you push.

It’s worth noting that you pushed like a champ. Uncomfortable, but still cracking jokes. It was funny when they used a mirror to show you what was going on… you thought it was neat, but said you didn’t want to look in the mirror any more. As the head was out they asked if you wanted to touch it. You did, and you must’ve thought it was icky (kind of was), because you then wiped your hand on your gown.

Then you popped out the baby at 4:18PM. They put him on your chest right away, which you keep telling me was awesome (I love you baby… and I get it).
About 15-20 minutes post-partum Emerson latched on for breast-feeding. Maybe it had something to do with the skin-to-skin, but in any case, he was quite boss-like about it.

Attached photos are me 36 weeks pregnant with Emerson and my 3 boys on Connor’s birthday (Connor is on Emerson’s onsie!)

Mother of Three (Amanda)

age – 29
number of pregnancies-3
children 3- boy14-boy4-girl2

This site has been such a great inspiration to me through this journey, So grateful that it is here for us to all connect and tell our stories. I have been unable to answer to the comments on my earlier submission. When I had my baby Girl I thought I was never going to get my body back after 3 children and sooooo many pounds. I had always heard that healthy living is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise and now I know its true

my initial program was insanity, and then Hip Hop Abs, ChaLEAN Extreme, T25 and now Les Mills Combat, I eat cleaner and I run I would be more than happy to talk to any of the ladies who had asked. I recently added another t shirt to my collection!! I still have my pouch, I still have my stretch Marks. Im still not completely ok with the fact that I will never have any more children, My scoliosis still bothers me from time to time… Life is a work in progress and I love my three babies, 4 counting my fur baby scrappy please feel free to find me on fb if you ever want to chat.

First pic is my new tshirt :)
Second pic shows the s in my spine
Have a Fit Day!!