Postpartum

12 Years Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

I’m 36 and three months pregnant with number two!! I’ll be 37 at delivery, so I’m technically an “older mom” although I don’t feel like one. My son Zac is 12, so I spaced them out a bit :) I actually posted here a few years ago, just as I was starting to think about having another baby. It’ll be fun to take this journey again as an older and wiser momma. My first pregnancy was awesome, and this one will be awesome plus 12 years. 12 years of gaining insight on things that matter, and calming the hell down about things that don’t. This site helps us all to do that I think. I just felt compelled to include you among my friends to share the happy news with. Here’s me and the new kid at 12 and a half weeks.

070609-anon3-1

1 Year Postpartum With Twins (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, HELLP Syndrome, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 18 Comments

1 year postpartum with twins
anonymous
29 yrs old

I gave birth to twins last July, time really does fly when you have kids!

My little girl weighed in at 6lb2oz and my little boy at 6lbs14oz. I made it to 38 weeks and had a scheduled c-section. I was huge as you can tell from my pic. I am a pretty small person so it was really rough at the end carrying around of the 53 pounds I gained with the pregnancy. I developed HELLP syndrome at the very end, it wasn’t discovered until the morning of the delivery strangely enough.

I am okay with how my body looks most of the time now, although I do miss my old perfect stomach that I will never have back. I was going to buy a one piece swimsuit for the summer but I thought “why should I cover up my wrinkly twin skin? I should be proud and show off the belly that produced my two absolutely perfect, beautiful babies. :)

Although…. if I could get rid of the damn stretchmarks I would in a heartbeat!

The Doctor Said I Need a Breast Lift, WHY? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 32 Comments

Age: 27
Pregnancies: 3
Five months PP

I consulted a cosmetic surgeon about having cosmetic surgery. I wanted breast implants to plump them back up a bit as they are a bit smaller than they were before baby number three, but was told that I needed a breast lift too. I don’t mind about implant scars, as they are in the arm pit, and tiny. But I feel that an uplift operation involves too much obvious scarring, and would make me look worse, not better!!!!!!

I personally don’t think I need them lifting anywhere, unless he wants to put them on my shoulders!!! I may be wrong, I don’t know!

So, I got to thinking, is there a need for me to have this done, or is this man trying to make as much money as he can from vunerable women who feel so bad about them selves after having a baby that they get procedures carried out just because a doctor said they need it done?

I can see a need for a breast lift operation for some people, as the results can be amazing, but I question if cosmetic surgery is being offered to readilly, and to people who don’t really need it. It’s like people have become customers, not patients.

In the early stages after having a baby (I’ve had three), I always get down about the way I look, but I am kind of offended that the doctor I consulted seems to be taking advantage of this.

So, please beware if you are seeking any surgery after child birth!!!!

And, needless to say, I won’t be having a breast lift operation (although the implants still sound good if I can find another doctor)

Embracing the New Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I am a 36 year-old mom to 3 kids, each 2 years apart. Had my babies at 29, 31, 33 years of age. Before kinder, I weighed 130 lbs, and was very slim, due to genetics and regular exercise. Now, after 8 years, 3 kids, 4 pregancies (lost one in between) and a full time job, this is “me”. I’m now at 135 lbs, and am pretty proud at how close I’ve managed to get back down to ‘pre-pregnancy’ weight. It’s taken 6 months of focused exercising to get me to where I’m at, and know that another 6 months will see the last few pounds disappear too.

However, I must admit, I still don’t like the baby “bump”, but am learning to embrace my new shape. I have found much comfort in this site, and wanted to return the favor. I don’t even mind the stretch marks, I consider them my ‘war wounds’ and they remind me of my 3 wonderful pregnancies all of which I thoroughly enjoyed. Will I ever get my 29 year old body back? Likely not. But I will do my best to be my best. So far, I’m happy with the progress I’ve made but will continue to work towards attaining my true prepregnancy weight but am ok with the knowledge that it will take time. Slow and steady wins the race? For sure! I’m on my way …

3 Babies in 5 Years and a New Body (Jean)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 10 Comments

I got pregnant at 18 and got stretch marks at 5 months in. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl 7lbs 5oz, then another baby girl 2 1/2 years later weighing 7 lbs 15oz. Again 2 1/2 year later a little boy weighing 7lbs 9oz. I included their weights because they are all very average but I look like I gave birth to 10 lbers. Although I did gain a considerable amount of weight that came off FAST

One Year Ago Today (Zahra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 11 Comments

We found out we were pregnant with Rory 6 weeks after having a miscarriage. I know we were so blessed for it to happen so quickly. I was so excited to be pregnant and really focused on enjoying the pregnancy despite our concerns that we would lose another baby. I have always had to work very hard to maintain my weight, I was never one of those people who could eat whatever I wanted or just lay around. I was active my entire pregnancy and continued to jog up till the day I went into labor. I was not extremely indulgent, I never ate entire bags, boxes, or cartons of anything. In the 42 weeks I was pregnant, I gained 35 pounds, which I didn’t feel was too bad. I loved being pregnant and I loved my growing belly.

We had an amazing midwife and had full intentions of having a water birth at a free standing birth center. When they offered to give us a tour of the hospital “just in case” we declined because I was so sure that I was having my baby in the birth center why would I waste my time visiting the hospital?! Let’s just say thank God the Birth Center mandates preregistration at the hospital…

Shortly after returning home from a wedding on June 14, 2008, my water broke and regular contractions soon began. After 10 hours, my husband and I decided it was time to go to the birth center as we had an hour drive ahead of us, we did not want to go too early because they only have 3 birthing rooms and we knew they would send us home if I was not far enough along. When we arrived our midwife instructed 2 students to begin filling the tub while she checked me – that’s when I saw the look on her face. She said ” I have good news and bad news, the good news is you’re 7 cm dialated, the bad news is my finger is in your baby’s butt!”…I knew we would have to go to the hospital, that was that. In the long run, it was wonderful, the hospital was fine, the cesarean was no big deal, and we got to take home the greatest souvenir ever, our baby Rory.

I went home from the hospital 10 pounds heavier than when I went in…I gained 10 pounds of fluid, I went the entire pregnancy with not so much as a swollen finger and went home looking like the stay puff marshmallow man. Still I thought, no big deal, I was nursing and I ate well, so the weight would just fall off…right? Not quite, it stayed and stayed and did not budge, all my friends were back in their jeans in a few months and I was still wearing maternity pants 5 months pp…..finally, slowly but surely after I stopped nursing upon returning to work, it started to budge little by little. It’s still a struggle, I have to watch what I eat and work out 5-6 days a week, but I knew that would be the case. I firmly believe in the theory of 9 on and 9 off! Happy Birthday to my Muffin, I can’t believe it’s been a year. I am so amazed that my body produced him. He is the joy of my life, he makes me love my husband more and more. I pray that we will be blessed once again to give him a sibling. He amazes me every day!

1st pic 37 weeks pregnant, 2nd 5 days pp, 3rd 3 months before pregnancy, 4th-6th pic 1 year pp, 7th pic our family

~ Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year

PPD vs “Baby Blues” (Crystal)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Tattoo 12 Comments

age:22
1st pregnancy
1 child
my daughter’s name is Lily and she is 3 months
i am exactly 3 mo and 3 days post partum

I found this website through just googling other women’s postpartum stories. I really love this website because it makes me feel a little “normal”. Sometimes I feel the issues I’ve been going through are only happening to me. Here is my story…I’m really reaching out for anyone’s advice or if anyone has been through this same thing.

My beautiful daughter Lily was born March 12, 2009. The first 2 weeks after she was born I felt amazing. I would just melt like butter holding her in my arms just looking at her. I was proud to be a mom and I still am to this day. It felt like I had also found a new love for my husband. I’ve always considered him the love of my life and after Lily was born it felt deeper. Like our connection was more intimate. My sex drive was high and I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. I loved my new body without the big pregnant belly. I also enjoyed my workouts at the gym every other day. I was so dedicated to the gym that I would just take my daughter along with me and leave her in the carseat right in front of my treadmill. I didn’t want to miss a workout.

I’m not too sure when it began to happen it seemed like my feelings started to turn for the worse little by little. It sort of came out of nowhere. All of the sudden I started to become a little lazier and making excuses not to go to the gym anymore. I stay at home with Lily and when my husband was at work I would find myself picking fights with him over text messages. The fights would get so extreme I would threaten to leave. When he would get home I honestly wouldn’t really remember just what exactly I was so mad about. I would get so mad to the point where I really just wanted to hit something. This is when I noticed that things were a little off with me. I’ve never been in a physical fight ever. This sort of anger is out of my character. Then my sex drive seemed to almost disappear over night. At first I just thought it would go away all of these strange feelings that I was having. I tried to just say that I wasn’t in the mood to my husband hoping he wouldn’t notice that it had been several days since the last time we made love. Of course that didn’t work and he began to think he was the problem why I wasn’t in the mood. I finally sat down with him and explained all the things I was feeling. I told him how lazy I was feeling, how angry I had been for no reason, how I was not interested in sex at all, and also how much I now hated my body.

I’ve been reading a lot online and talking to friends about this. Some signs pointed toward the “baby blues” diagnosis and some was the postpartum depression. I’m worried because my mother, father, and both sisters are all on anti-depressants. I’m wondering if maybe that made me more likely to have stronger emotions with this postpartum time of my life. I made an appointment for my Dr. to discuss this because my husband and I agree we can’t just let this go on and continue to argue over these things. Has anyone else went through any of this? Is there any kind of advice that helped anyone with the same issues? I just want to know I’m not the only one.

the pictures are of my belly today at 3 mo and 3 days post partum and our daughter Lily at 3 months old

Rocking the Boat (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Complications During or After Birth, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Rocking the boat (Anonymous)

My son is now 20 months old (I’m 27) and is the most AWESOME gift life has ever given me, aside from my husband, yet I am still having a hard time overcoming a tough bout of post-partum depression. Before the birth of my son, I was a super-fit triathlete, vivacious and die-hard optimist, fresh out of college and had just started my own small business. I had a clear plan for myself and my future and was having a ball being the single social butterfly. Suddenly everything changed. My future husband and I conceived our son after a mere 4 months of dating, but decided we were in it for the long haul and decided to marry when I was 7 months pregnant. Talk about a scary start!

My pregnancy was fairly normal, just NOTHING what I had expected! I always romanticized the idea of pregnancy, always assuming I would be at a place in my life where a baby would be the icing on the cake. This was hardly what I had planned! I decided that I wanted as natural a delivery as possible- we’re talking NO drugs, IVs, post-birth eye drops- the whole shabang! Unfortunately, my plans were dashed the day I went in for my 36 week checkup and found that my son was breech. Again, my plans were turned upside down. The natural delivery plan was shot to hell, but I tried to keep my chin up and go with the flow. I opted out of an external cephalic version to avoid the risk of early delivery and to see if my son would turn on his own. I tried everything I heard of to encourage him to turn in an attempt to salvage my birth plan. I tried shining a flashlight down my stomach to encourage him to follow the light, laying inverted on an ironing board,
diving into a pool, even moxibustion and accupuncture! My efforts were all in vain. I even held out on a scheduled c-section until a week past my due date just to see if during the last few days he might still turn. That was no easy task, considering I was still working up until the day before I gave birth, standing for 8 hours a day and having gained 60+ lbs!

Five days past my due date, my water broke early in the morning and I scampered into the bathroom as fluid rushed down my legs. I noticed that there was a funny color to the fluid and immediately thought of what it must be- meconium. Not a good sign. Even so, I was elated that I was able to experience a small bit of a normal labor and will always cherish those last few moments that I was alone with my son still inside me. Knowing that meconium could be inhaled by the baby and cause complications, we rushed to the hospital to begin the cesarean delivery I had so dreaded. I relished the feeling of contractions and welcomed them, and felt calm spread over me as I accepted the situation ahead.

The c-section was actually pretty easy and I surprised myself that I was so calm. I tried to ignore my feelings that the doctors were rushing too much, that they weren’t paying attention to me, that I was just another surgery that morning. The whole thing progressed like a well-oiled machine. There was no soft lighting, no spiritual music playing, no SOUL to the whole event. I just let the doctors do their thing as I laid down and tried to breathe normally as the epidural affected my diaphragm and lungs. I didn’t even recognize my husband when he sat down next to me and held my hand. I was shocked when I asked the doctors if they had started yet and they said,” Oh yeah! We’ve got a hold of his legs! Now there’s a big baby!” (At 9.5lbs, I should say so!) I saw my beautiful son and his bright pink face screeching for all the world to hear for a split second before he was whisked away. I don’t recall seeing him again for what seemed like hours. The drugs they gave me caused me to become violently ill and I vomited almost non-stop for several hours after the birth. I was so drugged up that I have almost no clear memory of the next few hours. Bonding with my son was a distant urge. I do recall being wheeled down to the NICU to see my son, and having to stop several times along the way to vomit. One stop was so violent that I felt a distinct POP in the stitches holding my stomach together. This didn’t seem to bother any of the doctors or nurses, despite the fact that the skin around the alleged POP was now bulging.

My son was being held in the NICU for reasons that remain unclear to me. They said that there was a concern over his circulation post-birth and they wanted to check out his heart (this really means that they wanted to use their fancy machines and keep any possible lawsuits at bay). My son was fine and they released him soon after, but I have no recollection of his homecoming. I do recall a nurse prodding me several times to get me to nurse him and finally threatening to give him formula if I didn’t liven up. I fought through the drugs and tried to nurse. Let me just say that overcoming two inverted nipples while on morphine was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Breastfeeding proved to be THE most challenging feat of my life! I summoned up every nursing consultant I could scrounge up before I left the hospital, and was given every tool and doo-dad to encourage breast feeding. My mother-in-law must have thought I was a total moron when it was nursing time and I whipped out my avalanche of tools! Despite about 4 bouts of mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, latching problems and SEVERE engorgement (A cup to a D+!), I managed to breastfeed for an entire year! If my hubby hadn’t prodded me along and given a mountain of support, I might have quit after two weeks. It was a NIGHTMARE. I didn’t know a single other mother who had such a hard time of it. Nobody could compare stories with me or even come close!

Overcoming the c-section was a cakewalk compared to the struggles I had breastfeeding. It was so painful I actually used my leftover pain meds for the c-section recovery to make it through a nursing session. Since my brand-new hubby was still in law school and studied all day and all night, I was pretty much on my own with the baby. I suffered such exhaustion that I would lay on the couch weeping and say that I just wanted to die. I was also concerned over the strange bulge on one side of my birth scar, as well as the deflated balloon I had for a belly and the 30+ lbs I still had to lose.

Even a year and a half later and only 5lbs away from my pre-baby weight (pretty darn good, right?) I still have a few body issues. What mom doesn’t? Mostly I am struggling with my sense of self, the identity I am remodelling and the new life I have. I try not to seem ungrateful for all the blessings I have in life, but at the same time I struggle to find the “old” me, if she even exists anymore. With such a tumultuous start to my marriage, an unplanned pregnancy, unwanted cesarean, troubles breastfeeding and now a diagnosis of a prolapsed uterus and possible hernia, it’s a wonder I can carry on a normal conversation! Things are actually a lot better than they sound here, but I still have tough days. Completing my first triathlon at 5 mos post-partum was a real boost for me and something I remain proud of. It’s good to know that I have family and a great husband I can count on, as well as the awesome advice and inspiration from strong women like you! Shape of a Mother ROCKS!!!

Marks of Life (Shi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, Collaborative, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 at time of writing this, currently now have three!
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: at the time my boys were 2.5 and 1 month old. They are now almost 5, 2.5, and 7months

I wrote this back when you had a post about writing a letter to your body. I had sat down and let my feeling flow, and this is what I ended up with. I hadn’t posted this, since it was written only for me and was privet but found it recently and re-reading actually made me tear up. I am now a Mommy to three boys, and I love my body and all the marks of life it holds. I thought some might benefit from reading this :) I am a Mommy, and I look like one!

Dear Body,

Wow, this is a really great idea, something that almost anyone I know would likely tell me I DON’T need to do, that I am one of the “lucky few”, that having to even think of doing this is beyond ridiculous. But I am human, and no matter how perfect I may seem to someone else, we women are always able to see any and all flaws. Its funny that I make excuses for why others look worse, or that they look that way, but I never should have…I didn’t have too. I do try so hard, and I DO love you body, your beautiful, I love your shape, and you have done amazing things for me. Those two boys you nurtured are the most precious things in my life. Its funny that I KNOW I have a lot less marks than most people, and that I don’t have that extra skin, or extra fat, but every now and then thoughts will creep into my head about how I WOULDN’T have them if I’d only taken better care, exercised MORE (How the heck can a pregnant Mom of a toddler exercise MORE that 3 times a week!!) I SHOULDN’T have ate so much at the end in fear of not being able to Home Birth because my baby was small, I should have LOADED that oil on like I did the first time, how silly of me.

The worst part of all is that one single skinny, stretch mark free person can take all the pride I have put into my marks, and challenge it. I LOVE them, they are like an art to me, a scar to remember something amazing, and yet every now and then I can see one picture of one person, and my heart will sink…I WAS that person, I could STILL be that person. The stupid thing is I AM that beautiful Mom, I do have that great post babies body, I look amazing….but somehow I look in the mirror and compare it to society’s “perfect” that was staring at me in that picture.

Why did I put so so much pride after my first baby in the fact that I was tiny AND mark free???? How is that something to hold so much PRIDE in???? SO WHAT if the guys could look at me at the beach, and never know I had a baby….with MY body people can look at me at the beach and KNOW that I have babies…and I still look good!!! I have my man, and I have my babies, and I am NOT looking to attract more shallow men to stare at my sexy figure. I AM A MOMMY, I am striving to have my BABIES stare at me in awe!!! I want my husband and my kids to be attracted to ME, to my love, to my devotion, to my life. How is some random person thinking for a random moment that “wow, she didn’t get any stretch marks” some how a greater reward that my SON, and my HUSBAND running their hands over my life marks, and looking in awe at a map that shows the amazing road I have traveled, the amazing things I have done, the love that I shared when I shared my body with another human, a precious baby, to nourish them, and to give them LIFE, how could I NOT have wanted some outward sign to cherish these moments?

I have two wonderful, giggling, amazing boys, I have a husband who loves me and says to me that my marks “remind me of how much you sacrificed for our family”, he can look at my naked form, and remember each time that great big belly so full of life and love, and remember the moments I nourished our little ones in our womb. Why would I prefer that he be able to look at me for the remainder of my years and remember NOTHING of that time, or have no “motherly, womanly” features to admire, but rather to just see a hot wife, who didn’t change even while giving birth to two of his sons? He loves it, as do I, and when I question this, it actually hurts deep in my soul, like the greatest cheat I have even done to my own life.

I know that I love them, it is only the pictures of naked scar free, post baby bellies that makes me wince, and feel jealousy for a small amount of time. I can proudly walk the swimming pool with my two boys by my side, in my bikini with my marks for all to see, then suddenly a day later, I can see a picture, and wonder if maybe I am wrong, and I should buy a more covering suit, and hide these marks that some may think are a deep imperfection, and a flaw that occurred in my flesh. HOW MUCH MORE WRONG COULD THOSE THOUGHTS BE!!!!!?????? How much more right I was when I was proudly wearing my real, home made, beautiful tattoos. Women will mark with ink their tribute to their child on their bodies. They find it beautiful to permanently etch in a name with a cold, vibrating little knife. I HOLD MY BABIES TRIBUTE DEEP IN MY SKIN, beyond the surface layer, with nothing fake, phony, or cheap. I hold the map of their entry into existence. I hold a map of my journey from one child to desperation for another, and agony, and tears, and prayer after prayer. And then these little lines appeared, this little piece of “Baby art” was drawn about my belly, as that child I longed for, I prayed for, and I agonized for grew, and grew, and grew, as God fulfilled each one of his deep promises to me and as i lived in awe and unending gratefulness, and as he etched within my body, onto my womb which held these children, a sign that will never disappear, some marks that will be with me for the rest of my days, amazing, beautiful, pieces of my soul, shown right there, in that place where these miracles took place.

Would I ever go back and change a thing? You better believe….not a chance. They are as precious as the family they describe.

Februrary 24, 2008.

Slowly Gaining Self-Acceptance (Becc)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 23 and have 2 beautiful boys. My eldest is 6 and my youngest is 10 months. I have always been a larger shaped women and with a husband my height, my body issues have been hard to deal with, knowing we are around the same weight. After having my youngest, I feel as if I have turned into a blob. My belly looks like a jellyfish has begun to house on it and I have the biggest apron. I had a c-section with my youngest which I wasn’t expecting. I know I need to exercise more but I don’t feel up to it when I have body issues. When I feel great and sexy, for some reason, I want to exercise and feel even better. When I am having a fat day, i just want to wallow. I feel better after finding this website and finding out that women feel the same way as me. I just want to accept me and feel great to be me. I have the 2 healthiest boys in the world, why can that not be enough??? I feel selfish and harsh for wanting more. Here is a photo of me taken today.