Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement

Marks of Life (Shi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, Collaborative, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 at time of writing this, currently now have three!
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: at the time my boys were 2.5 and 1 month old. They are now almost 5, 2.5, and 7months

I wrote this back when you had a post about writing a letter to your body. I had sat down and let my feeling flow, and this is what I ended up with. I hadn’t posted this, since it was written only for me and was privet but found it recently and re-reading actually made me tear up. I am now a Mommy to three boys, and I love my body and all the marks of life it holds. I thought some might benefit from reading this :) I am a Mommy, and I look like one!

Dear Body,

Wow, this is a really great idea, something that almost anyone I know would likely tell me I DON’T need to do, that I am one of the “lucky few”, that having to even think of doing this is beyond ridiculous. But I am human, and no matter how perfect I may seem to someone else, we women are always able to see any and all flaws. Its funny that I make excuses for why others look worse, or that they look that way, but I never should have…I didn’t have too. I do try so hard, and I DO love you body, your beautiful, I love your shape, and you have done amazing things for me. Those two boys you nurtured are the most precious things in my life. Its funny that I KNOW I have a lot less marks than most people, and that I don’t have that extra skin, or extra fat, but every now and then thoughts will creep into my head about how I WOULDN’T have them if I’d only taken better care, exercised MORE (How the heck can a pregnant Mom of a toddler exercise MORE that 3 times a week!!) I SHOULDN’T have ate so much at the end in fear of not being able to Home Birth because my baby was small, I should have LOADED that oil on like I did the first time, how silly of me.

The worst part of all is that one single skinny, stretch mark free person can take all the pride I have put into my marks, and challenge it. I LOVE them, they are like an art to me, a scar to remember something amazing, and yet every now and then I can see one picture of one person, and my heart will sink…I WAS that person, I could STILL be that person. The stupid thing is I AM that beautiful Mom, I do have that great post babies body, I look amazing….but somehow I look in the mirror and compare it to society’s “perfect” that was staring at me in that picture.

Why did I put so so much pride after my first baby in the fact that I was tiny AND mark free???? How is that something to hold so much PRIDE in???? SO WHAT if the guys could look at me at the beach, and never know I had a baby….with MY body people can look at me at the beach and KNOW that I have babies…and I still look good!!! I have my man, and I have my babies, and I am NOT looking to attract more shallow men to stare at my sexy figure. I AM A MOMMY, I am striving to have my BABIES stare at me in awe!!! I want my husband and my kids to be attracted to ME, to my love, to my devotion, to my life. How is some random person thinking for a random moment that “wow, she didn’t get any stretch marks” some how a greater reward that my SON, and my HUSBAND running their hands over my life marks, and looking in awe at a map that shows the amazing road I have traveled, the amazing things I have done, the love that I shared when I shared my body with another human, a precious baby, to nourish them, and to give them LIFE, how could I NOT have wanted some outward sign to cherish these moments?

I have two wonderful, giggling, amazing boys, I have a husband who loves me and says to me that my marks “remind me of how much you sacrificed for our family”, he can look at my naked form, and remember each time that great big belly so full of life and love, and remember the moments I nourished our little ones in our womb. Why would I prefer that he be able to look at me for the remainder of my years and remember NOTHING of that time, or have no “motherly, womanly” features to admire, but rather to just see a hot wife, who didn’t change even while giving birth to two of his sons? He loves it, as do I, and when I question this, it actually hurts deep in my soul, like the greatest cheat I have even done to my own life.

I know that I love them, it is only the pictures of naked scar free, post baby bellies that makes me wince, and feel jealousy for a small amount of time. I can proudly walk the swimming pool with my two boys by my side, in my bikini with my marks for all to see, then suddenly a day later, I can see a picture, and wonder if maybe I am wrong, and I should buy a more covering suit, and hide these marks that some may think are a deep imperfection, and a flaw that occurred in my flesh. HOW MUCH MORE WRONG COULD THOSE THOUGHTS BE!!!!!?????? How much more right I was when I was proudly wearing my real, home made, beautiful tattoos. Women will mark with ink their tribute to their child on their bodies. They find it beautiful to permanently etch in a name with a cold, vibrating little knife. I HOLD MY BABIES TRIBUTE DEEP IN MY SKIN, beyond the surface layer, with nothing fake, phony, or cheap. I hold the map of their entry into existence. I hold a map of my journey from one child to desperation for another, and agony, and tears, and prayer after prayer. And then these little lines appeared, this little piece of “Baby art” was drawn about my belly, as that child I longed for, I prayed for, and I agonized for grew, and grew, and grew, as God fulfilled each one of his deep promises to me and as i lived in awe and unending gratefulness, and as he etched within my body, onto my womb which held these children, a sign that will never disappear, some marks that will be with me for the rest of my days, amazing, beautiful, pieces of my soul, shown right there, in that place where these miracles took place.

Would I ever go back and change a thing? You better believe….not a chance. They are as precious as the family they describe.

Februrary 24, 2008.

A Stolen Photograph (I Refuse to be Ashamed)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, My Own Ramblings, News, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement 64 Comments

I was alerted to a certain anti-stretch mark article tonight by reader Sara. The author of this article had the gall to break copyright laws and steal my photograph of myself and my baby son which has been featured on this website for nearly three years. I have politely asked her to remove it.

I will not be linking to this article because I do not want them to benefit from the traffic a link would provide – also because I would prefer this end here rather than become some drawn-out internet soap opera. But this has given me an opportunity to write about something which has been on my mind for awhile. Namely the power we let society have over our esteem.

I am a fat woman. For the longest time, I was ashamed of that and felt that I was unworthy of good things in life – of looking pretty, of feeling pretty, of being listened to, of being admired. Screw that! I am human, I am smart, I am pretty, and I am more than worthy of all these things and more. I am striving to be healthy in diet and exercise and I do hope certain health issues get resolved, which will lead to being a lower weight for this size is rather physically uncomfortable for me. But if not, I won’t let anyone tell me how to feel about myself any more. I used to hide my fat arms in sleeves, short or long. But I won’t anymore. I happen to like the kiss of the sun on my shoulders, and I refuse to be hidden just because my arms don’t fit one particular image of what society says they should look like. I’ve liberated my arms and my esteem.

Society has no right to decide for me that my stretch marks, my extra skin, my body shape make me unworthy. I refuse to feel badly about my body because I grew, nourished and birthed (and nourished some more) two amazing people. I refuse – I simply refuse – to fall into that negative thinking. I have children who I have to be strong for, children who look to me as a role model for what women are – and I want them to know that women are strong, rational, intelligent creatures who can be beautiful and KNOW IT at any size and at any shape.

I really don’t care if people look at my belly and feel disgust. I steel myself against them. I run my fingers along the lines and appreciate what they mean: love. The love of growing my babies. And I simply refuse to let myself even think negative things – I won’t be held down that way!

As an activist, I feel like each person must take a stand. Ten years ago, it was unheard of to re-use grocery bags, but it is becoming quite the norm these days – because each individual person took that stand and made it so. I also feel like positive body image really and truly IS within our reach, only we each have to make the decision not to allow them to imprison us in our own cells of self-hatred. We have to make the decision to just REFUSE to let them tell us how to think of ourselves. How dare they? How dare they try to keep us down?

I find it rather ironic that the photograph that was stolen in an attempt to create a feeling of shame about a mother’s body happens to be a pose which I feel is confidant and self-assured, not afraid to just be, regardless of how many stretch marks and extra skin there may be.

The Birth of SOAM

Don’t let them get into your head. Take control and refuse them access to your insecurities. Fake it if you have to – the real stuff will follow naturally – but take a stand with me and all the other moms on here and refuse to be ashamed!

Never Happier With Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

i’m a twenty one year old first time mom. before i got pregnant i dieted constantly and went to gym every single day afetr work in order to achieve the body that i thought i was supposed to have. and it worked, if you want to think of it that way. i was a size two. but it was hard work and very stressful for me to stay that size. and no mater how flat my stomach was or how low the number on the scale dropped, i was always self conscious and unhappy with how i looked. when i got pregnant, i was so sick for the first few months that i just ate whatever didnt upset my stomach that day. to hell with counting calories, carbs, fiber, protein…and everything else on the label. i gained fifty pounds in those nine months but it didnt matter. i could feel my daughter moving around inside my belly! i had a nursery to plan and books to read, questions to ask, and dreams to dream for her! i happily bought set after set of larger maternity clothes. she was growing! that was really all that mattered.

after she was born my stomach stayed about as big as it was at six months pregnant for quite some time. then it slowly shrunk to four months pregnant, and then down to not pregnant at all! but i really hardly noticed. i was watching my baby grow, not my size shrink. besides, the only time i really left the house in those months was for doctor appointments or the rare grocery shopping trip. at three months, when i was going back to work, i looked at my body. it didnt even remotely resemble the body it had been just a year ago. my hips were wide and soft, everything was soft! my boobs had gone from a 34C to a 38D (or 38DD depending on the brand and style of bra) my stomach sagged with extra skin and was covered with stretchmarks. and i couldnt have been happier with myself. this was the body of me, the mother. these were the effects that my daughter had had. every stretchmark was a sign that she had been there, that she was a part of my life now. i went through my old clothes and donated all the size two tiny little clothes i had to the salvation army and went out and bought a fabulous size ten wardrobe. i’m not selfconscious anymore. i’ve never been more comfortable with my body and my husband still cant keep his hands off me. i hope everyone out there can love themselves the way that i have learned to. and i desperately hope that i can pass it onto my daughter.

Starving to Blooming (Eve)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 20 Comments

Having spent the last 14 years suffering from Anorexia Nervosa before becoming pregnant I worried about how my changing body may bring back the thoughts, feelings and negativity I had experienced for so long. I had only been in recovery for a number of months before getting pregnant I didn’t feel I was prepared for either getting “bigger” and especially for how my body would look post-pregnancy. I have to say I have been happily surprised by my own reaction. I loved being pregnant, took to it like a duck to water. I enjoyed my ever blossoming bump and showed it off to the max. My worries stuck about how I would feel post-pregnancy. Here I am, 3 weeks after giving birth to my beautiful daughter and feeling (and looking!) fabulous! Yes, I have lumps, bumps, wobblies and stretch marks but I look better than I have in years. Going from 105lbs to 150lbs during my pregnancy has done something, has changed me. I can now appreciate my womanly figure, my curves!! My daughter has done more for me than just making me a mother, but also helping me see the beauty in my own skin.

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: daughter, 3 weeks

All (Karli)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 7 Comments

All
by Karli
I am 26 years old, divorced, with two daughters ages 4 and 7. I am proud to be a mother, and proud to be a woman.
Originally posted here.

* * * *

Standing naked in front of the mirror, I started with my toes. I love you, toes, I said. I like the way you’re shaped. I used to love dancing on you, balancing my entire body over you in the most beautiful, unnatural way. You’re amazingly strong. I love you, feet. You have a lovely little arch. You have taken me to the most wonderful places, places that have changed me. You will take me so much farther. I love you, ankles… Out loud, so that it would be real, I spoke to my body. I looked at myself under the soft light in the hallway and I went over everything, each part, leaving nothing out. I spent the most time on places that I usually avoid looking at, the parts of me that I have learned to hide under my clothes. I love you, stomach. Your skin tells the story of the day each of my babies were born. I was reborn on those days, too. Two entire lives began inside of you, grew there protected and warm until it was safe for them to leave and start their own journeys on this planet. You did an amazing thing. I love you, breasts. You look different than you used to, and that’s ok. It was you alone that sustained my babies in their first months of life. You were the link between their bodies and mine, the agent of the most beautiful, spiritual bond I have ever known. I love you, shoulders…

I spoke to my hands, my neck, my lips. I looked myself in the eyes and told them how beautiful they are. When I had gone over every physical part, I moved on to my mind, my heart, and my spirit. I told myself the things I have always wanted to hear someone say, and I believed them. I forgave myself for hating this body for so long and I told myself that things are going to be different, now. You see, I have spent the last twelve years hoping that I would wake up one morning and float out of bed, the weight of shame and disgust having been suddenly removed from my heart. And it’s true that I have slowly accepted parts of myself as the years have gone by, forgiving my arms for looking like gangly iron rods because of the dozens of people they have comforted in their embrace, letting go of the hatred I have always had for my hair and caring for it instead, allowing it to make me feel young and feminine. I have learned to love parts of me, but never all. I avert my eyes in the shower, washing blindly and focusing my mind elsewhere so I don’t have to pay attention to the places I’m ashamed of. As I do this I imagine my daughters grown up, healthy and strong, bathing with closed eyes so they don’t have to see their bodies. And that thought makes me cry. I need to have overcome this so that when the day comes that I find one of them weeping into her pillow over how hard it is to become a woman in a world that teaches you that who you are is never enough, I will have something to say to her. I need to have overcome this so that I can forge a new path in the legacy of my family’s womanhood and teach my daughters from a new handbook. I think it’s entirely possible that if I’m able to do this, to truly love my body and who I am, their pillows just might stay dry.

My body is my ticket here, my all-access pass to existence. I have abused it terribly. Other people have hurt it in unspeakably horrible ways. And I have let the shame of it all taint the wonder of this life-ticket, crumpling it up and shoving it deep into my pocket, forgetting that if I care for it tenderly and keep it safe it can take me to places I never even dreamed. I wish I could say that I have such a deep feeling of self-worth that I have chosen to love myself for my sake alone, and that being a better mother is just a fabulous side effect. But I’m not strong enough for that yet. Someday, perhaps. But for now, it’s enough to love my daughters so fiercely that I am willing to look at myself through the eyes of their mother, loving this life and this body because of them. I’ll mother the three of us. I’ll teach us all the things I was never taught so at the end of it all, when we’re old and withered, our tickets will stamped and creased and stained beyond recognition. They will have the markings of a life fully lived… and they will be our most treasured possessions.

What my body can do! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Homebirth, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 14 Comments

I am 3 months pp with baby number 3, and I couldn’t be happier. I LOVE pregnancy and birth, and feel so empowered to have accomplished 3 wonderful natural births, the last two at home in my bedroom. I have some deep stretch marks on my belly, but they are sacred and special to me, reminding me of how blessed I am to have carried life in my womb, every time I see them, they make me smile! I couldn’t imagine not having had the opportunity I have had to carry my babies and nourish them in my womb, and then with my breast milk. How could I resent something that represents such an amazing and special time in my life?

I worked very hard during my pregnancies, working out to the day before delivery with each one, and eating a healthy diet. I gained 21lbs with my first baby and 26 lbs with both my second and third. At 10 weeks pp this time I was already 2lbs below my starting weight, and feeling great. Though I kept the weight gain to a minimal my body has made definite changes over the three pregnancies. Of course there are the stretch marks, and my shape is no longer that of a 17 year old girl, to me it now has the shape of a mother, and that is nothing to be ashamed of!!!

I am 25 years old and married to my high school sweet heart. My boys are 4.5yrs old, 2 years old, and 3 months old. Here are some pictures of what my body has done during the past few years!

-The first picture is at my Home Birth just after my third son was born in November 2008, 3 months ago. What an amazing feeling to know my body is capable of this!!

-The next two are me just about 1 year after my second son was born, not long before I found I was expecting my third. I had worked very very hard at the gym to try to tone my body, so I just kept right up with it all the way through my pregnancy.

-The next two are me 40 weeks pregnant on my Due Date with my third baby (4 days before he was born)

-Then a picture of my big stretch mark while I am in labour at home, and the next is my belly just about 2 hours or so after he was born.

-And finally me today, 3 months PP after 3 beautiful boys were born from my body.



Working With What I’ve Got (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 24 Comments

okay, i’m a 3rd time participant here on SOAM. here is my last submission

i don’t know about you, but i am tired of hearing about how some moms don’t jiggle when they run down the street, “motivational” exercise tips & being told that i’m a failure if i don’t make time to work out every single day. i’m a typical mom, i make time when i can. so, i’m sending in a few “update” photos (not much has changed 2 years pp, except i’ve lost 5 pounds) along with my own tips for how i use what i have while i have it. first off, i’m still breastfeeding & my son shows absolutely no desire to stop anytime soon. believe it or not, breastfeeding does not just suck the pounds off of everyone. some of us retain the fat & that’s okay. it may come off after weaning, i have no idea. i’m taking vitex (chaste tree berry) capsules in an attempt to regulate my hormones. if i remember correctly, the prolactin produced by nursing is resulting in elevated estrogen levels, telling my body to store fat for the baby. vitex helps balance the prolactin & can help me (along with my sporadic exercising) to lose my weight gradually & healthily. (i just want to stop being such a hormonal bitch!) my best advice is to:
1. shop for your size! you are probably a few sizes larger than you were, so learn now what size you’re at. after being a small-to-medium petite my entire life, i now find myself barely slipping into a large (i’m now an XL by conventional standards). it depressed me for awhile, but now i’m dealing with it. also, your underwear is too small, so either size up, or forget them altogether, like me. i find that most underwear digs unattractively into my luscious curves, which looks tacky under clothes. going commando is a great solution & i’ve been doing it for years. :)
2. invest in bra inserts for lopsidedness. i went nearly 2 years feeling extremely aware of my different breast sizes before i finally purchased some inserts for the small breast. i cannot tell you how it has improved my confidence.
3. choose clothing that flatters your new womanly form. i like flowing, natural, cotton jersey that allows for movement & comfort. i wear mostly skirts & loose tops. i’m not a teenager anymore & tight, lowrise jeans do nothing good for my new shape!
4. find & accentuate your sweet spots. have a graceful neck or beautiful behind? use jewelry or accessories to bring your favorite bodily attributes to the forefront. instead of “oh, when are you due?” it’ll be, “dang, where’d you get that gorgeous necklace?!”

these are just a few of my own personal methods for improving my self-confidence that i want to share with other mamas who might want to try.
i’m slowly on my way to being stronger & perhaps smaller, but my size is becoming less important to me. i’m working with what i’ve got right now & it may change, but if it doesn’t, at least i’ll be prepared & no longer weighed down by my former concern with “getting my pre-pregnancy body back”. i’m a sexy, strong, capable, intelligent woman. i spend almost all of my time with my child & i love being a mother. i have other things going on besides being a mom, but i definitely took the first year to really focus on him & his needs. my body took a back seat to other priorities. i’m okay with my choices.
to those in the media & those affected by the media who think that we, on SOAM are somehow gross, scary or ugly, i say, “i’m not usually this size, i had a baby. what’s your excuse?”

mamas, let’s stay strong & focus on those role-models who are proud of their curves & remain positive & healthy instead of those who hit the gym a week after birth & make us feel like failures if we don’t all conform to the hollywood cookie-cutter standard. enjoy food, cuddle your baby, & just keep yourself healthy. you’re doing the hardest job on earth & every mother deserves to feel valued, appreciated & beautiful.









There is Beauty in My Flaws (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 9 Comments

so here is a picture of my two sons and myself…my lovely tummy after the damage of having two children in under a year..exactly 11 months to the day apart to be literal. To my boys, I am the most beautiful mommy in the whole world and when they ask me about my stretch marks or extra skin, I tell them that it’s from them growing in my uterus and my body stretching to give them the best home I could. They love to look at pregnant bellies, watch the birthing video’s on youtube and we talk about THIS baby *my third* growing inside my tummy now. My kids don’t look at my tummy with shame, they look at me with pride and knowledge..they know I gave them my body and in turn, they give me their love. I am proud to carry my flaws, they are a small price to pay for the love I get in return. ~Melissa