Doesn’t it Make You Wonder? (Alicia)

Reader Alicia commented on a recent post and I found her quote to be so relevant – such a simple and perfect way to sum up why we are all here at this site – that I wanted to share it with you, bolding the part that struck me as especially important.

doesn’t it make you wonder? what are we ashamed OF exactly? why are we embarrassed, what have we done to be embarrassed of? who is our anger directed toward?

i finally realized something. the longer i act ashamed of and embarrassed by my body, the longer i hide it, the more i propagate the belief that i have SOMETHING to be ashamed or embarrassed of! not only that, but what kind of example to we set for our children by feeling ashamed of something that is so natural?

let’s stop hiding our bodies and start showing the world what a REAL woman looks like! it’s not going to happen overnight but who knows? someday maybe our daughters can be proud of those stretchmarks, and our sons will be exposed to reality, not airbrushed and photoshopped bodies!

if i can do it, with my stomach that looks like an elephant knee – then you can definitely do it! one day at a time

We are all, of course, here to work on ourselves as individuals – and that is deeply important work. But, I hope we are all here to change the world a little bit, too. Even one comment at a time can have astounding effects on people. Let’s take this to heart and remember that loving our bodies does more than just make us whole in our womanly selves – it makes the world whole as well.

As an aside, I want to apologize for my recent absence. I fell far behind here due to a combination of general business, holiday and birthday preparations and that evil head cold everyone you know has. I’m back now and hope to be catching up quicker than I was before! And I hope you all avoid the sickies like the plague!

First Pregnancy Fears Shared (Anonymous)

I am 16 weeks pregnant and already have had major changes occur physically. My breasts have grown an entire cup size and I was already a 36D to begin with. They are uncomfortably large and I assume will only get bigger. I plan on breastfeeding (God willing) so I can only imagine what these puppies will look like this time next year! I also got horrible stretch marks when I went through puberty so my hopes arent high on not getting them through this. I love this little one with all my heart. I am still a woman, however, and cant help but stress over my appearance. I came across this website and truly feel blessed to have done so. What a WONDERFUL place this is. To be able to unabashdley share our thoughts, feelings, even PICTURES of and about our bodies before and during the awesome miracle of motherhood is so very empowering. Yes, our bodies are beautiful. Yes, they are amazing in EVERY sense of the word. No, I will not be ashamed of the changes in my body but rather, I will embrace this new ‘me’. Im going to be a mommy with one heluva mommy body. Thank you all ladies for your encouragment and bravery. In a few more months you will all be seeing a few candid shots of yours truly…..and the little bundle of joy I call my heart…..Theres no question in my mind, now, that it will be worth it. Thank you again ladies. Im so lucky to have found this site!!

I need this site (Anonymous)

I have 3 beautiful children whom I love more than anything. I nursed each of them for a year each. However, I have been left with a body I am so embarrassed of. My husband does not get to see my “banana” breasts, my skin on my stomach sags despite being only 15% body fat. I have become so body obsessed, that it invades my nearly every waking thought. I see magazine pictures of postpartum celebrities and I yearn to look like that again. I have beat my self up every day, since I have not been able to achieve that goal. this is the first site I have felt empowered and part of a sisterhood I should be proud of, not embarrassed by. I don’t have a picture, but I want to thank all of you fabulous women for making me realize I am perfect just like I am! Just exactly like each of you are perfect just the way you are too!

Proud of this site (Anonymous)

I just found this site via a link and am amazed and in awe of all the mothers who have posted especially with pictures. I will have to find pictures to post since so many of the younger mothers have questions about how it looks. Well I’m now almost 43 years old now, had my first child via emergency c-section at 26 and my second at age 39 via c-section not by choice but hosptial and insurance “once a c-section always a c-section” policy. I’ve since had a laboring miscarriage at 41 years of age and another earlier this year. All pregnancies regarless of the duration or outcome change our bodies. We look in the mirror and lament the changes instead of looking into the adoring faces of our children – and we mothers are the center of their world.

Thank you! (Anonymous)

I am so very thankful for your website. I have no pictures right now, just some thoughts to share. I stumbled upon your site today, 5 months after the birth of my beautiful, amazing daughter, Paige. I never thought of myself as a vain person, or as someone overly concerned with my looks. Recently, though, my post pregnancy body has occupied many of my thoughts. I had a happy, healthy pregnancy and delivery. I gained 36 pounds.. went from 125 to 161 pounds. I am currently about 142. I don’t know why I assumed it all would come off, maybe because I read so much stuff online from people who say it fell off in a few weeks. I am now learning to accept my body the way it is, but it’s difficult knowing that I can eat right and exercise, but this is me now. I know over time it will improve. Some people say I am lucky. My weight gain wasn’t excessive, and I never did get a single stretch mark.I do still have the dark line, quite a little pooch, and a red scar from the c section incision. I know I need to look at the positive. I have a husband who loves me just the way I am. I know in my heart that the wonderful child I have makes everything worth it, even if I had a million stretch marks and 100 more pounds. She is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Mother’s Mark

This was posted over at our group at Flickr and I wanted to share it here. If anyone has any answers to her question at the end, you can either e-mail her or post comments here or at Flickr. I’m sure many women would benefit from these answers and I will compile them all into an entry here. Thanks!

The skin, the shame, scars left resulting,
birth, pain, euphoric and deeply in love.
No more with my vessel, my shell.
Hiding inside, afraid of being seen,
the skin, the scars, the shame,

NO MORE!

My original poem did not end with NO MORE! It is how i feel. I am tired of being ashamed. I am tired of feeling like some sort of reject because my body has been what society sees as deformed after giving birth. I am tired of getting depressed every time i see a woman who is a mother whose body didnt give her this mark i feel branded
with. Why me? why not them?

A very dear friend who knows of my struggle to accept gave me the link to this website and I am glad to see that there are women who struggle too. It seems that many of you have been able to overcome your shame and move on. I have been trying for 20 years to no avail.

Over the years I have tried many different ways to be able to accept the changes in my body and nothing has worked. Perhaps those of you who have managed to embrace the marks of motherhood could help me by letting me know how you did it? lmasseur@yahoo.com

Anonymous

I Will work on Getting you a picture of my apron, After I had Owen last christmas I stood in the shower and my sister was trying to help me clean up my incision – which broke open. And she literally had to lift up the flap of skin to access my incison, she was mortified at how much extra ski I had. I am so thankful that you started this website.