This was posted over at our group at Flickr and I wanted to share it here. If anyone has any answers to her question at the end, you can either e-mail her or post comments here or at Flickr. I’m sure many women would benefit from these answers and I will compile them all into an entry here. Thanks!
The skin, the shame, scars left resulting,
birth, pain, euphoric and deeply in love.
No more with my vessel, my shell.
Hiding inside, afraid of being seen,
the skin, the scars, the shame,
NO MORE!
My original poem did not end with NO MORE! It is how i feel. I am tired of being ashamed. I am tired of feeling like some sort of reject because my body has been what society sees as deformed after giving birth. I am tired of getting depressed every time i see a woman who is a mother whose body didnt give her this mark i feel branded
with. Why me? why not them?
A very dear friend who knows of my struggle to accept gave me the link to this website and I am glad to see that there are women who struggle too. It seems that many of you have been able to overcome your shame and move on. I have been trying for 20 years to no avail.
Over the years I have tried many different ways to be able to accept the changes in my body and nothing has worked. Perhaps those of you who have managed to embrace the marks of motherhood could help me by letting me know how you did it? lmasseur@yahoo.com
You are not alone, but sometimes that is not enough. It is sooo difficult in our society to accept our physical flaws. The one thing that has helped me more than anything is body art. On my second child’s first birthday I used henna to decorate my belly (a temporary plant stain , an ancient body art form). I outlined every stretch mark I could find, examining the pattern, making it bold and exotic and *intentional*. I felt pampered, honored, special, and uniquely beautiful. I never showed anyone other than my closest friends, but it transformed my feelings of my body significantly. And, I discovered such power through this process that I decided to dedicate myself to learning the art form and performing it on mothers in pregnancy and postpartum (www.BellyBeautifulHenna.com). I have since done my hugely-transformed breastfeeding breasts and found even MORE power in that experience. Consider some kind of body art to help you move to the next level of body acceptance. I recommend something at least semi-permanent (henna, if good quality, will last up to a week on the belly) – so you can be reminded of it over time. I hope from the depth of my heart that you find some healing.