Mom over 30

39 Year Old Mother of 2 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 5 Comments

Your site has been such a powerful, positive influence on me. I am a 39 year old mother of 2 amazing boys, ages 3 and 1. I have spent so much of my life at war with my body. I now think back to when I was a much younger size 4-6 and how I felt “fat” back then! Maybe it is wisdom from age, motherhood or a supportive partner but I am finally starting to make peace and accept my figure. After giving birth to my sons my stomach and thighs never really returned to their former prepregnancy state. I am fuller, curvier and softer now that I have ever been. Granted, sometimes the size of my jeans gets me down and the scares on my tummy haunt me but overall I feel like I am finally getting to a point of self love.

Struggling More Than Ever (Lee-Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

I’m really struggling with my body image, I always struggled but it’s worse than ever. I have never felt so horrible about the way I look. In my mind, I have the worst and ugliest body ever, to the point of tears, incredible sadness and depression. I just had my third and last baby almost 3 months ago and my biggest fear is that I will never lose the baby weight or be able to look in the mirror and be o.k. with what I see. I am nursing my little guy and so I can’t diet and/or possibly revert back to old ways ( starving ).

All this causes a huge strain in my marriage. See, with my first son, I was a single mom. With my second son, my husband died the week I gave birth ( we were in a bad car accident ) and so this time with this baby, it’s the first time dealing with the post baby body with someone who sees how horrible I look. With him, it’s even more difficult because for the first 3 plus years we were together, he wasn’t exactly loyal, there was a lot of damage done esp. in regarding my body image. He was always complementing other woman, looking at other women, saying how hot they were while I got nothing. I remember like it was yesterday, we went to a water park/hotel. Prior to the weekend we went, I told him how hard it was going to be for me to be in a swim suit in front of people and that I’d like it if he complimented me when he saw me in one. Well, I put my bathing suit on and got nothing. When we left our hotel room and got to the water park, he proceeded to drool over every other women there. Several times, I have put on lingerie and literally got nothing or at most a little look at that’s it. These are just 2 examples of MANY and I have such a difficult time letting go of all the times I “wasn’t good enough”. Before you ask me why I am with this man, let me explain something. Before me, his only other experience with a real woman was in high school and after that for about 10 years until he met me, all he had was porn, page 3 girls, magazines, strip clubs and his buddies who weren’t much better. The man was a pig and a thoughtless jerk and because of the porn and other smut, I believe he was a victim of what society does to men ( brainwashing them about what woman look like/what woman are for, just like we are affected by all the crap we are fed ). For the past 2 and a half years, he’s really changed/grown up. (at least I hope he truly has ) He won’t dare ogle other women ( at least not in front of me ), he’s extremely affectionate, he compliments me every day, he’s really attentive, is a wonderful dad and a hard worker for our family. But every time he looks at me, I am thinking of all the women he wanted/was attracted to and I know I can never measure up or be as good as them. And it kills me inside because all I want is for him to look at me and see the most beautiful woman ever ( which he claims I am ). I guess I am really stuck in how he use to be and afraid to trust that he really does love me and my body now or that I am what he wants, in spite of my flaws.

I hate!!! my middle, wish I didn’t have so many stretch marks or cellulite and my nipples look deformed to me…one is much lower than the other. After I gave birth, I was down to my pre-pregnancy weight within a few weeks but because of nursing, I eat and eat some more and have put on almost 10 lbs. So, as most women lose weight after a baby, I am gaining and this messes with my head. It doesn’t help that it’s a bad winter and can’t get out for walks. I am stuck at home, in p.j.’s, covered in vomit and it’s just hard to feel sexy/sexual. I try to look at my children and remember that my body did that….gave birth to 3 beautiful boys. I avoid anything that triggers me feeling worse about the way I look and of course, I am ever thankful for SOAM for showing me I am not alone. I just want to feel good in my own skin and maybe even one day, feel beautiful. Thanks for letting me share and for posting some pics ( I couldn’t decide which ones to post so I am sharing them all ). -Lee-Ann

Age-36
# of pregnancies-7/live births- 3
Ages of children- 18, 9 and almost 3 months

Feeling Hopeless (Brandie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 30
Pregnancies: 2
Children: 5 yrs old and 11 months

I just turned 30 years old and I have two beautiful boys, one being 5 and one 11 months. I have always been relatively small throughout my life, so the changes that my body has encountered over the last 6 years have made me depressed. My first born was 8 pounds 3 ounces and his delivery was natural, though he gave me third degree tears. Last year I got pregnant with my second child and about 30 weeks along the doctor said I was measuring rather large and sent me for an ultrasound to get the his measurement, there I found out they predicted him to be 10 pounds 11 ounces. The doctor suggested that a c-section would be the best route considering the tearing that happened with the first. I ended up going into labor early and still had a c-section, he was 10 pounds 1 ounce. Needless to say, I was not expecting my body to look quite like it does now. But don’t get me wrong, I knew that I was not going to be small right after either. I wore that belly binder for two weeks and the doctor told me to take it off. I did. And since then I have been embarrassed and well downright depressed. I started working out, lasted a 1 1/2 months before I said forget it. The only parts of me that were getting toned were my legs and butt, nothing helped my stomach. It still sticks right out. I have been asked 5 times if I am pregnant. I am not sure what I can do to loose it, or slim it down at least. I don’t mind a little pooch but this makes me feel like I am 4 months pregnant. My belly is hard and when you press on it, it bounces back at you. I am not sure what to do, I have lost all of the baby weight and am the exact same weight I was prior to my second pregnancy. Any ideas would be great on how to make this go down.

First picture is when I was 8 weeks pregnant with my first born.
Second picture is me 16 weeks pregnant with my second.
Third picture is me 35 weeks with my second.
Fourth picture is me 11 months postpartum from my second.

Facing Forty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Eating Disorder, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 39
Children: 2, ages 10 and 5

I have had a love/hate relationship with my body for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a fairly volatile home – my bio dad passed away when I was very young and my mother remarried when I was six. My step dad and I always had a tenuous relationship – we fought a lot and he was quite verbally abusive – physical as well. I grew up hearing about how ugly, stupid, rotten, ungrateful and horrible I was. I believed every word. As I got older, I felt out of control and unloved in my own home. However, I learned early on that I could control one thing – my food and my body. I became obsessed with staying thin. I am a small person (only 5’2″) and have never thought I was thin (or good) enough. When I was in junior high I started dieting (though to be honest I remember watching my weight as early as 4th grade) and by high school I pretty much stopped eating. I would subsist on gum. I realized that I was only hungry if I actually ATE something – so I avoided food and tried to make it on as little as possible. I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder per se – but then again no one really knew the extent that I was avoiding food. On the flip side – when I finally did eat – I would binge. Entire boxes of cookies, or bags of candy – falling into a cycle of fast food and junk. Eventually I would begin to gain weight and I would start the process all over again. When I reached college age and moved out of the unhealthy environment of my parent’s home – I started to eat A LOT and gained quite a bit more then the freshman fifteen. I was traumatized and decided things were going to be different. So I cut back on the junk and began to exercise. Exercising changed my life. Unfortunately, I become obsessed with that too. If I thought I was going to miss an day of exercise I would become depressed. I restricted my food and increased my exercise. I was very thin – but it was never thin enough. I followed this pattern well into my twenties. Then I got pregnant. I gained quite a bit of weight quickly only to miscarry around 9 weeks. I was devastated – the loss of the pregnancy coupled with the weight gain completely set me off. I spent several weeks working out like crazy and eating little to regain control. I then got pregnant for a second time about 3 months later – and this one stuck. I gained almost 50 pounds with my son and it took me many many months to lose it. As soon as I could I started exercising again and making terrible food choices – lots of junk with salt and sugar. I finally lost the weight and got back to my pre-baby size – I felt really good about myself. While I was never able to truly kick my food/exercise cycle I was able to go about my life without constantly worrying about my appearance and what others thought. Five years later I had my second child and went through the same process as the first. I returned to the gym and took my first exercise class when my daughter was exactly 8 weeks old. I only felt in control at the gym – the rest of my life was a disaster with two kiddos, a husband that worked constantly and a touch of postpartum depression. Despite all of this, I quickly lost the 40lbs I gained with my daughter. I was so proud to put on my bikini that summer (i was 35) and show that I still had it. That was until I received an email from a girlfriend that said “women our age shouldn’t wear bikini’s – they look good on NO ONE.” I was immediately chastened and from that moment on never wore a bikini again. It was like someone had taken every insecurity I had and put it on display for the world to see. “I am fat, ugly and have been making a fool out of myself at the pool for the past 5 years.”

I wish I could say I walked away from that email and followed my own path – but I didn’t. I actually lost hope – stopped exercising – and decided she was right. I was old, fat and ugly – why bother. I gained 10lbs (which is a lot when you are short) and just felt discouraged. I spent a summer lounging at the pool in my tankini wishing I hadn’t spent the 10 years prior looking a fool in my bikini. However, this was not me. I went back to the gym, got healthy and lost the extra 10lbs and a few more. I felt better about myself. I felt almost (which is huge) in control of my eating and exercise. I felt like I could be thin, be healthy and NOT be obsessed. I will be 40 in July and feel like I am finally reaching a place where food and exercise do not control me. Don’t get me wrong – I still work out 5 times a week and watch what I eat – but I don’t let those things run my life. If I miss an exercise class or eat too much food I don’t spend days obsessing over it – I move on and realize that tomorrow is another day to make better choices. I recently traveled to Mexico with my family to celebrate some big milestones – my upcoming 40th birthday included. I felt happy and at ease with myself and my body – and purchased a new bikini for the trip. Maybe my girlfriend was right – and a women of my age shouldn’t be showing what two kids and a lifetime of gravity does to a body – but then again – maybe she was wrong. I had my husband take some pics of me just so I could remember what I looked like on this trip – and see the fruits of my labor – the Zumba, the Kickboxing, the Toning – and most importantly to realize that no – I’m not 20 – but I still look pretty darn good. I’m proud of myself – of my body – and the steps I’ve taken along way to minimize my bad choices and not let food or exercise (or really – what anyone else thinks) run my life. So – here I am – in my bikini at almost 40 – ready to share with the world my journey. Thanks for giving me a voice – even if I’m not quite ready to show my face. :-)

Obsessed with how I should have done better (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins 9 Comments

I fell in love and moved away with my military husband at 18. We had our 1st baby (a 10 lb-er) when I was 26- I was away from all of my family and friends and gained 70 lbs. I didn’t know anything about eating, stretch marks, etc. I thought it meant eating for 2 (or 3!) and just doing whatever I wanted. Then, the baby came and my body was covered with saggy, stretch marked skin. Then, 2 years later, the twins came. I took much better care of myself but still gained 45 lbs and carried them to 38 weeks (7.5 lbs & 6.5 lbs). What was saggy breasts and belly became saggy EVERYTHING (thighs, butt) and body acne. :( I struggled with post partum depression after both pregnancies (pretty severely) and a husband who was deploying regularly, dealing with his own extremely stressful life, and not knowing WHAT to do with his formerly beautiful wife. When the twins were 18 months old I had a “mommy makeover” even though I should have waited until I was done losing weight. (Background- I had a 3 inch muscle separation in my stomach, it hung past my crotch, and my boobs…oh my gosh my boobs) Now my twins are 5 and my oldest is 7 and even though I work out regularly & eat well I believe I still look terrible. I’m now obsessing over getting implants and scar revisions and laser skin treatments. I know how “Real Housewives” bull-crappy that sounds, but it’s how I feel. The crazy part is, when I look at all of the other women on this site, I truly believe they look beautiful and can’t believe how hard they are on themselves (except for the ones who look perfect, inexplicably :)). I’m making great strides in all areas of my life but this one. I’m enjoying my children so much now and becoming more and more happy with life but my husband is obviously unhappy with my body. Thanks for reading- I know how self involved this sounds- I’m really trying to get over this and this is the 1st step- I’ve been thinking about submitting here for ages and can’t believe I actually took PHOTOS.

Age: 34 Pregnancies/births: 2/3 Children’s ages: 7,5, & 5

Mother of Four (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 14 Comments

I am a 33 year old Mother to four boys. Twins who are 9 1/2, 6 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. I am posting my pictures of my body as it is now after 4 kids and 3 pregnancies. I am 5′ 7″ and 170 pounds.

I would say I am 50% comfortable in my own skin. My husband tell’s me he thinks I am so sexy yet I don’t feel it because of my flabby belly. I have recently looked into getting a breast lift and tummy tuck. My husband supports me if it is something I want to do. I am so torn. I don’t want to be shallow and selfish.

I guess I am posting my picture on here to get encouragement from other Mothers. I know I am my worst enemy since I feel my stomach is just nasty. The picture of my stomach up close with the black markings of a football shape is the skin the Doctor would remove if I had a tummy tuck.

My today after two children and significant weight loss. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 36
Number of pregnancies/births: 5/2 (both c-sections)
Children aged 5 years and 14 months

I’m 36 years old and fascinated by your website! What a great idea to show realistic photos of women who have given birth.

Here’s my story:
My first child was born in 2008. It was my first pregnancy and, being overweight, I started with187lb (I’m only 5,2ft).

At the end I weighed 209 lb and I had a c-section which wasn’t planned at all and which left me very unhappy for a long time.

To my surprise all the weight I had put on was gone after 4 weeks (a lot of water) and also my stretchmarks didn’t look so bad. However, my belly looked worse than before the pregnancy and even then I hadn’t liked it.

In the following I lost and gained weight as so often in my life.

And we wanted to have another child, but unfortunately I had 3 miscarriages, all in the first trimester.
My 5th pregnancy was successful again! I started and ended with the same weight as in my first pregnancy and again it was a c-section after endless hours of labour.

Breastfeeding worked a lot better than with child #1, but after 2 months I didn’t have enough milk anymore and had to stop.

My weight went from 209 lb down to 194 lb in the weeks after birth but then it stopped and I felt very uncomfortable.

So I decided to change my lifestyle and within a year I lost another 62 lb. I feel so much better and with 133 lb I’m as thin as I had been about 10 years ago.

With clothes on I find my shape pretty ok now , but things look different when I’m naked. My belly has never been nice and flat, but now it’s wrinkly and saggy (in the pictures it looks better than in reality). Also my breasts don’t look like they used to, but still I find them quite nice. Other than my belly which somehow feels as if it doesn’t belong to me as it really wobbles around. For the extra skin I think this won’t become any better or nicer. I was even thinking about surgery, but when I found this website I saw that many women have a belly like mine and that it’s nothing uncommon for a woman who was pregnant.

Trying to Accept My New Breasts (Maya)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 19 Comments

First I need to excuse my bad english, which is not my mother language. I am a 34 years old german mother of two wonderful children. The first, my daughter, was a c-section, my son was born vaginally. My daughter ist 3.5, my son 1.3 years old.

I love this website, it gives me so much reading the posts of moms who feel the same way than me. For a very long time I hadn’t had the heard to post here because I know objectively seen I don’t look that bad. I was lucky getting no strechmarks and having an almost flat belly. I got varices in my second pregnancy. It needed to be operate on and my disorders are gone. But my legs still don’t look fine, and never will.

But, however, I am struggeling with how my breast looks like. My breast never was very big, but beautiful. They had a nice shape and were perky. Now they‘re tiny, saggy and flat! Unfortunatly I have no picture from my non-mommy breasts. I always wore a 34B before heaving children. Now I had a brafitting and know this had never been my true size (I wear a 30D now!). So you may have an idea of my “old breast size”. During pregnancy and breastfeeding time my breast was huge (for me), (fitted) 30F in my second pregnancy! During my first pregnancy it was even bigger and I wore absolutely crazy sizes that hadn’t fit.

I find that my “new“ post-partum breast doesn’t fit to the rest of my body. I am slim but I always had kind of a “latino bottom“ and “strong legs“. I was not happy about this in the past, but it’s ok. This is me, I ever looked like this. But I feel like this breast is not mine! As if it have lost its sexual attractivity. I feel so unwomenly! This breast could look fine when I was a skinny, petite type. My breasts alway were a part of my body that I liked and sometimes even loved. I had been happier if they would have been one size bigger, but most time I was ok with them. My legs and sometimes my bottom had been my biggest body issues over the years. Now I don’t matter about them and hate my breast. I really don’t know I can learn to love or like them again.

Like most women‘s husband here my husband loves my body and breast. He just dosen’t love my self-insecurity and is tired to hear. That is a problem because he is my very best friend and now I dare to speak with him about my feelings for my body afraid of he could be turned off. I’m not sure if this is the right english formulation for what I want to say, so I hope you can understand what I mean. I have no one to talk with about my worries neither none of my friends beeing afraid I could hurt someones emotions when I speek bad about my body knowing or wondering if she is struggeling more with her body than me.

I breastfed both children for 10 months. I stopped brestfeeding my son 5 months ago. My breast has already got a little better since then. I hope and pray that it will regain volume in one or two years. I need to admitt that I’m jealous of most women here, they all sem to have more breast than me.

7 children: A Body to Remember (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, VBAC 13 Comments

Age: 33
Children: 15, 10, 8, 7, 6, 4, 18 months
Births: 5 C-Sections followed by 2 unassisted births (UBAC)

Previous post here.

Even though I have 5 previous entries here, over the past five and a half years, I feel inclined to submit again. I love this site because it is the only place I have ever found that speaks of the profound changes that women go through and the unique challenge that we face to experience it in the 21st century. Some days it surprises me that women can muster any confidence at all, given the images and verbiage we are forced to ingest everyday; all around us. I like to be reminded of the normalcy of these changes. I like to see the triumphs and the sadness. The joy and the pain. Because, just like with birth, both come as one. To overcome is to conquer the fear of not being enough. To climb the mountain is to see the view we have been waiting for…

Trying to Love Myself (JC)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies/births: 2/2
~My children’s ages: 20 months & 3 weeks

~My story: I started my first pregnancy weighing about 135-140lbs (I’m 5’4″) – I was happy with my body, except for my tiny boobs & puffy nipples. I had just lost around 20 lbs very suddenly (had zero appetite for a few weeks due to a very rough/emotional summer) and was loving being “skinny” again!
I discovered I was pregnant when I went from eating nothing to eating EVERYTHING pretty much overnight. That and I couldn’t stay awake past 10pm for anything, lol. Anyhow, I ended pregnancy #1 @ 205lbs!! I blame the high weight gain on a combination of genetics, quitting smoking, eating “for two” after several weeks of not eating at all, being happy again, and grabbing breakfast and/or lunch at the drive thru WAY too often…

Baby #2 came as a bit of a surprise…we found out we were expecting again just days before celebrating baby #1’s first birthday!! My weight was still hovering around about 170lbs at this point, and had been for quite some time. =\ I ended pregnancy #2 at about 230lbs!!

Today, at 3 weeks postpartum, I am down to 190lbs. A LOT of my weight with both babies was water weight, so it drops drastically, then I get “stuck.” (Hoping I’m not “stuck” yet!!)

This time around I was also left with a good number of angry red/purple stretch marks on my belly. Baby #1 left me with a lot on my thighs, although the only ones on my belly were fairly light and appeared on my lower belly either during or after delivery! I’m starting to notice that wrinkly, saggy, deflated look as my belly gets “flatter” and the skin starts to “hang.” =P

I’m hoping to get back to around 145-150lbs at some point, so about 40lbs left, but this time around I am strangely at ease with my weight. 190lbs feels awfully thin after being well over 200 for a few months! That and there’s not much time or energy to worry about it with two boys under 2 in the house!!
For now I’m focusing on getting back to my pre-2nd-pregnancy weight of 170lbs, then I can start the journey back to 150lbs. Baby steps! I miss being thin, and I’d love to see a pic of me with only one chin (lol)….but I have two BEAUTIFUL baby boys to show for it, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world!! (So cliche, but SO very true!!)

This website is such an inspiration – in fact the majority of the photos I’ve seen actually make me a bit jealous, lol. Just goes to show that even when we think the worst of our bodies, there are other people out there looking at us with a twinge of jealousy over our weight or shape or size!! I’m trying to love myself more…back rolls and stretch marks and saggy belly/boobs and all!! ;)