Mom over 30

Skinny Moms, I have a Problem with You (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 84 Comments

Okay, let me get more specific here. Skinny moms that tell other women that you have a flat belly a month or two after giving birth to your second child because you have to chase child number 1 around. I have a problem with you. Big time.

Can you please just be honest with the rest of us, and admit that you have amazing genes? Because I don’t believe you. Not one bit.

This morning, I headed to my baby’s library class, and a mom with a two year old and a two month old came for the first time. Her stomach was flat. Like, this baby just appeared at the end of the marathon I ran and here we are flat. I asked how old the baby was not because of the moms stomach but because he was little and cute. When she answered “Two months,” the librarian who is probably in her 50s and has a slight mom belly despite being rather thin for her age and frame remarked, “Two months, and you look like that? That is ridiculously unfair.” The rest of us were thinking it as we awkwardly avoided glancing at each other’s or our own bellies. Then, the skinny mom flatly responded, “Oh, well, I chase her around so that’s what has me looking so good again.” And I had to hold my mouth not to scream. “BULL SHIT, I don’t believe you.” I mean, really, ladies, you know who you are. Chasing a two year old for two months is not what gives you washboard abs after baby number 2.

Why do women lie to each other? Is it purposeful or is it just that hard to accept you are one of the lucky ones? And you don’t count if it took you more than two months to get your body back.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant and woman after woman told me to pick up cocoa butter or vitamin E or olive oil or skinny butterfly juice (I made that one up) or whatever it was that they slathered on their belly while pregnant that caused them to come out the other end with no stretch marks. I remember reading article after article that said some things could make stretch marks worse like too rapid of weight gain, but if you are destined to get them, all the cocoa butter in the world won’t stop them. And I religiously rubbed Burt’s Bees Mama Bee cream all over my body. Even my toes. Just in case. And my husband would try to gently comment that it smelled gross, but I didn’t care. I watched the grease soak through my bra, my shirt, the pregnancy pants panel that covered my whole belly, and I sat there so optimistic that the more grease seeping through the less likely stretch marks were on their way.

I begged my OB at the time for a secret. I wouldn’t tell anyone, if she just told me how to not get stretch marks. She bluntly replied, “If there was a cream that prevented stretch marks, do you think I’d be here? I’d be somewhere else selling it.” And so, after months of wasting money and time, one day, my first stretch mark began to appear. I convinced myself that it took mine longer to appear than most women who had serious stretch marks appeared. But I lied. They came in, and while they aren’t as bad as some. They’re still here.

I remember heading to my midwife’s office five weeks postpartum, and I’d already lost 28 pounds just from breastfeeding, but my belly looked five months pregnant. She okayed me to start working out when my body felt okay, and she warned me that my abs had separated during pregnancy. So my back would start to hurt more and more if I didn’t start doing abs to try to bring the muscles back together. That was back when I was sleeping 3 hours total in a 24 hour period because my baby and I were having so much trouble breastfeeding.

I went home and tried to do a sit up, and I damn near died it hurt so much. Then, later, I tried to run on the treadmill, and I thought my lady parts were going to fall out.

So I didn’t run for a long time, and when I finally started moving again, I stuck to walking. I worked my way up to crunches with two 5-lb weights, and while my stomach is nowhere near flat, 9 months out, I don’t look quite as pregnant as I once did. Most days I proudly show my husband and son the almost abs I’m getting back. You know the ones you can see surrounded by my mom bulge? And I usually feel great about my body, but some days, I hide my stomach behind my backpack when I’m in a group of people so that people don’t look at my belly for too long.

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 months

I wish I wasn’t so ashamed of my body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 38 Comments

Age:31
# of pregnancies and birth: 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
My child is now 4 years old.

I became pregnant and gave birth to a handsome boy at the age of 26. As much as I adore and cherish my son, the scars left on my body haunt me till this day. I’ve always suffered with poor body image. I’m a black women without any curves and that’s very unattractive in my culture. I am single and I’m lonely because I’m afraid to show anyone my body. The last person I dated walked away because I had a hard time being intimate and would not take my clothes off….instead I had sex with my shirt on and I would not let him touch me for fear of feeling how small my breast were and how terrible my skin felt with the stretch marks. I really believed that by 31 I would have outgrown these fears but as I age they become more real and harder for me deal with.
However, today is a new day and I’m tired of feeling like damaged goods. Showing my pictures today will be the first start in liberating myself. This is me and if I don’t start loving me, how can I expect anyone else to?

The photos of me on my side and my back are my least flattering positions

My son played a few tricks on me (J.D.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

My story starts in March 2007 when i decided to move to another country and start a new life. I was bored of my life, my job, my city and i felt very lonely and depressed. It was a great choice as i started on a new path with lots of joy and happiness. I managed to get a job a week after moving abroad and i met the father of my son at work. We knew each other, but never talked until one day when he had to supervise my team and he invited me to a pub. We started going out a lot but i thought he only wanted to be friends. That was happening in September 2007. On the October 31 2007 something happened and i missed the last night bus – the stop was in front of his house – so he didn’t let me walk home. I spent the morning in his house eating spaghetti and watching family guy. this is how we started our relationship. In May 2008 we moved in together and in November i told him that i want a family as i am getting old – we were 31 at the time. He always loved children but i didn’t think about having any until i met him. He was very happy to ear that and we started working on it. On January 26 2009 i was at work and didn’t feel very well. I went to the pharmacy with my friend and bought a pregnancy test. Didn’t wait to go home and had it in the toilet at work. I knew i was pregnant, i just needed the confirmation. I sent a text to my bf and he called straight away. He was extremely happy and when i went home that evening he couldn’t stop kissing me and hugging me and making plans. My pregnancy was great. I was a bit nauseous the first weeks but it went away in the second trimester. I walked everyday and tried to be active but i put on lots of weight. I was 117 the summer before getting pregnant, 124 when i got pregnant and 172 when i went to the hospital for the induction. My son was very comfy in my huge belly and he was 12 days overdue. I felt like i couldn’t carry my belly anymore when i went to the hospital on October 12 and they told me that i had to come back on the 14th as there weren’t any free beds…I cried and i went back to the hospital on the 14th. The induction started at 11 but nothing happened. I had contractions but i wouldn’t dilate. It went on like that till the next morning at 9 when i had been given another pill and i started being in agonizing pain. I had to be on a monitor for 1 hour then they moved me to the labour room when i was given an epidural even though i was only 2 cm dilated. After that i was given oxitocin and started to dilate. The epidural would finish after about 2 hours and i would have to wait 20 minutes in horrible pains for the nurse to come give me another dose. I was very lucky to have my bf with me all the time. At 5 pm i felt like i needed to push and called the doctor. I was 9 cm dilated but my son has moved up and he was in distress. The chief of the clinic was called and after he examined me he told me that there is no way i can give birth naturally so i needed an emergency c section if i wanted my son to live. I signed the paper straight away and in 2 minutes i was hurried to the OR. I didn’t even had time to say “love you” to my bf…I was very scared and was shaking, my bf had tears in his eyes…The last thing i remember is having my belly covered in something orange. I woke up a few hours after that in a room with lots of monitors and beeping machines and people going around…I had 2 iv lines in my left arm and 1 line in my right arm. A very nice nurse told me that i need some blood as something happened during the surgery and i lost lots of blood. I was terrified for a second but she told me that my baby was ok and i was going to see him in few minutes. I managed to drink some water and felt so happy that everything was fine. I saw my son that night at 9 and i was the happiest I’ve ever been. On the 19th we went home and started our life as a little family as i like to call us.
I didn’t get stretch marks during pregnancy, but i have this scar to remind me how lucky i was to be living in these days and in a country with great doctors. My son was 8 pounds 7 oz at birth and after birth i found out that it would have been impossible for me to give birth naturally as my son was too big for my pelvis. My only issue is the fat that i still have on my belly, bottom and legs. I am 137 pounds now and would like to go back to the weight i had pre-pregnancy. It’s hard but i hope spring it’s going to help me. If i won’t loose the weight and even put on more – i want to have another child fairly soon – i won’t be very upset because my son is more precious and important than my image.
Believe in you and feel confident. Health and happiness are more important than a flat stomach or flawless skin. Enjoy your babies!

~Your Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Finn is 4 month, 1 week and 3 days old

pics description ;

1. me and my bf summer 2008
2. 28 weeks pregnant
3. 41+5 the day my son was born
4. Finn 2 days old
5. The day we left the hospital – 4 days after birth
6,7,8,9 my belly today 4month, 1 week and 3 days after birth

Redemption Baby (Tabitha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Belly, Breast or Body Art, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 1 Comment

This is a story of redemption. Here’s the story, from the beginning….

I got pregnant for the first time in March of 2005. My first pregnancy was a breeze and we planned to have a home birth with a midwife. I labored for 18 hours at home but due to complications during the pushing phase, I had to be transported to the nearest hospital to deliver our son. He was taken from me immediately to be assessed and because of severe tearing, I had to have a spinal shot and go into surgery. I didn’t get to hold Andrew until an hour after he was born. All of my dreams about his birth (aside from it being un-medicated) were lost. He was, by the way, perfectly healthy, born at 40 weeks and 6 days gestation and was 8 lbs. 4 oz. and 21″ long.

I wanted my second birth to be different. We started trying to get pregnant when Andrew was about three years old and got pregnant on the first try. I was due on December 26, 2008 and eagerly told everyone our news and filled in my pregnancy journal.

It was right before Mother’s Day and I was just 5 weeks along when I started bleeding. I attended church on Mother’s Day, knowing my pregnancy was over, but with peace, knowing God was with me. On May 13th, before leaving home for work, I miscarried. I was actually very relieved.

We gave my body a few months to recover, then my husband was eager to start trying again. We told our friends, family and church family to start praying, even before we conceived. I was stunned when we, again, got pregnant on the first try. I was thrilled to discover that I was due on May 13th, the very day I’d miscarried the year before. I felt like God was at work, trying to somehow “make up for” the pregnancy we lost.

My pregnancy was, again, complication-free. I did have some hormonal issues and anxiety, but the baby and I checked out perfectly at every appointment. I had decreased appetite so I had only gained 12lbs when I went into labor.

I was at 40 weeks and five days when I went into labor at about 8pm on May 11th. I tried to sleep but finally woke my husband up at about 3am, wondering if “this was it.” I worked through my contractions and by 5am, my husband insisted that we go to the hospital. I was checked in at 6am and was already at 7cm dilation, hooray! My contractions were shockingly mild and I felt excited and happy–a far cry from the hours of agony I spent in the bathtub during my first labor.

My doctor was called and said she’d get a quick cup of coffee and I’d be ready to go–she was right. I was ready to start pushing at 8am and Ethan was born at 8:12am. He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz and was 22″ long and perfectly healthy. Everyone was amazed at how “easy” my birth was. Thank you, Lord!! As soon as he came out, I was thanking my doctor and we were both thanking God!

The nurses handed him to me immediately and we waited for the cord to stop pulsing before cutting it. It was love at first sight and I was able to hold and admire him for an hour before they took him aside to clean him up. I finally got the birth experience I wanted.

We named him Ethan, which means “strong.” Ethan would have been my name, had I been a boy! He came home from the hospital on May 13th, the same day I’d miscarried the year before. That day will always be a happy day in my memory now. God redeemed that day, the baby we lost, and my first birth experience. God’s greatest work is redemption and I am so grateful to have seen it played out in my own life. What a mighty God we serve!

Ethan lives up to his name. He is this exceptionally sweet, happy, adorable baby. Even strangers comment on what an angel he is. He is also very strong and healthy, has hit all of his milestones early and is into everything! He is a tremendous blessing to everyone who knows him and we can’t imagine our lives without him.

Since I gained so little weight during my pregnancy, I was at my pre-pregnancy weight by the time I got home from the hospital and within a month, my weight was lower than it had been in over five years. It was just a “happy side effect” of feeling yucky during my pregnancy–but it sure helped when it came to losing the baby weight!

The henna belly tattoo was from my Blessingway at about 39 weeks along (where I’m wearing the flowers). In the pink bathing suit, it was three days before I gave birth (about 40 weeks and 3 days along). The deflated and faded version of the tree is from less than three hours of giving birth. The red bikini top was from about 1 month postpartum.

Age: 32
Two sons, ages 4 years and 10 months. One miscarriage.

Twin Tummy After Two Years (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 17 Comments

Age: 34
1 pregnancy, 2 children

I have recently discovered this website and am so glad I did as the stories have inspired me and helped me accept my post pregnancy body. I generally keep my thoughts on my body to myself as I don’t like drawing attention to it and I never imagined I would want to post my story, but here it is.

I had twin boys in March 08, born at 38weeks via cesarean. Both boys were very healthy and weighed 5lbs 10oz and 5lbs 8oz. I was shocked to discover I was having twins at a 12week scan and it did take some time to get my head around the idea that I would have 2 babies rather than 1! Medically speaking my pregnancy was healthy and uneventful. I am a healthy weight, and while I did gain around 45lbs during pregnancy, it was all in my belly. I breastfed my boys exclusively for 6mths and was very fortunate that I lost all my pregnancy weight within a few months.

However, I have been left with lose skin, stretch marks and separated stomach muscles. I knew it was inevitable that I would get stretch marks, however I still kept hoping I wouldn’t and applied cream on my belly every day I was pregnant. My stretch marks started at 34weeks and just kept getting worse. As horrible as this sounds, part of me wanted my twins to be born a bit early just so I wouldn’t have as many stretch marks. This is not a thought I have shared with anyone as I feel awful that I felt that way. What I really struggle with accepting is the appearance of my separated muscles. I have been doing Pilates for over a year which has helped repair the muscle, but not the skin, so the appearance will never go away without surgery.

I am truly blessed to have such healthy beautiful little boys and they bring so much joy to my life. I think my body is amazing for carrying twins to full term and exclusively breastfeeding them for 6mths (especially as I have small breasts and prior to breastfeeding, always felt inadequate about them). Whenever I feel down about my body, I remind myself of this fact. For the most part, I try and ignore my belly as I get depressed every time I look at it. I know my body could have been damaged worse and considering I have had twins, I think it has recovered ok. However, I just can’t seem to get past the fact my old belly has gone forever and this is the new me! My husband is very positive and reassuring over my body, I wish I could share his views! People tell me I look great considering I have had twins, and I generally just smile and quickly change the topic. I want to say to them “you haven’t seen me naked” or “why is there a caveat on looking great? Why can’t I just look great for being me?”

I am slightly apprehensive sharing these naked belly photos as I keep it hidden from everyone. I hope I won’t always feel this way and I will one day learn to accept my new body.

Regarding the OC Register Article (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

“Stretching the Truth” seemed a very appropriate title for the article in today’s newspaper! I have heard so many women say that their children ruined their bodies. I know that is not the case with me! I have two beautiful girls. One is over 30 years old and the other just started college. My first pregnancy I ate well and was quite active at my job. I walked alot and only gained 28 pounds. I was also only 22 years old. My body returned to its pre-pregnancy wt. of 125 pounds within a week after delivery. My daughter was a healthy 9 pounds and 4 ounces at birth! During my second pregnancy (at 34 years old) I was not so fortunate. By then I had a more sedentary job and a lot of co-workers who brought in donuts almost daily. I gained 40 pounds of what I called my “donut fat”. After delivery I started eating sensibly again and doing some moderate exercising. It took me almost a year to get back to a healthy weight. I am a nurse who has worked with many eating disordered clients and I believe we should strive for progress not perfection when dealing with weight issues. It is a shame but we do pass down our attitudes about food and weight to our children. Passing on the message that being pregnant causes you to retain “baby fat” forever, or that there is a certain “shape” of mothers is incorrect. As this web site shows, you can have children without ending up obese or even out of shape. It’s too bad that the article seemed too focused on the negative aspects of our bodies afterwards. Not everyone has this experience and although having children does change your body it is NOT their fault! I know my extra pounds came from eating for four instead of two. I have a new diet and it’s simple to follow..eat less and move more! I am in my early fifties now and have never felt better. My kids appreciate that I am healthy and active enough to do things with them. This web site is a wonderful way for women to gain insight into their attitudes and beliefs about what happens to their bodies during pregnancy. P.S. The attached photos were taken today and were not retouched..I have also not had any nipping or tucking done : )

This is beautiful??? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 21 Comments

I don’t understand how many of you ladies can consider this as still being beautiful. I can’t stand the sight of my stomach…it is a stomach of a 90 year old woman on a 30 year old body. I am not overweight, I am happy with the rest of my body, but I just hate this stomach. Yes, I know that it is a stomach of a mother who has two children….but you know what…I don’t care…I don’t care what my body went through…it became something so ugly, so unreal to me! I can’t even feel comfortable during intimate moments with my husband, I have to wear something to cover up. When I bend down, my stomach skin or fat (whatever it is) just hangs down. I’ve never seen anything like this before…Here are some of my photos. The last one is of my hanging stomach when I bend down, lol. Thanks for listening!

AGE: 30
NUMBER OF PREGNANCIES AND BIRTHS: 2 PG, 2 BIRTHS
AGE OF CHILDREN: 3 AND 5

pregnancy weight gain, sex & fear (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

I found your site because I am 30 weeks pregnant and shocked that I am having such a hard time adjusting to my changing body.

I am 31 years old and this is my first pregnancy. My partner and I decided this July that we would stop using birth control. We were so in love and both felt like we couldn’t hold it back anymore. I think we both sensed the lifeforce of this baby straining at the gates we had placed up, desperate to burst through. Although we had only been together for 2 years in total with just over a year of living together at the time, neither of us had the strength or desire to resist this force any longer. Two weeks later we were pregnant! We were shocked and proud that it happened so quickly but mostly we felt really blessed. Although in some ways it would have been “easier” to have had a few months of trying-to-get-pregnant limbo to integrate the idea of a baby on the way and absorb the seriousness of what we were doing, I am well aware of how blessed we are to have had such an easy time conceiving this little being.

I have been really lucky to have had a seamless pregnancy. I was a little tired and a little nauseous initially, but it completely vanished at about 9 weeks, and then we heard the little heartbeat loud and strong at 10 weeks, which was a tremendous relief as I was really conscious of the possibilty of miscarriage. Otherwise my energy has been good and I am feeling strong and healthy. My uterus got really big really quickly–so much so that everyone was fussing about twins for ages. But then the pace of growth got on track, and tests showed that there was only one healthy baby. I have continued to grow at a nice steady pace, take my vitamins, and rub my belly with oils but mostly I have just felt like a completely normal person.

The worst part of this pregnancy has been what it has done to our sex life. We used to have a frequent, effortless and pleasurable sex life–but even more importantly, I used to feel that my partner truly
desired me. He would spend time on my body when we had sex, and demonstrate his attraction to me often–with deep kisses or crude comments or grabs at my body that I would chide him for but that also
delighted me. His desire for me delighted me.

Since I’ve been pregnant, the most frequently we have had sex is probably every 10 days and it has been as long as 3 weeks. Most of the times we do have sex it ends up feeling really unsatisfying as I feel like he is only doing it to please me as he knows how upset I am by this, and not out of his own desire. But even worse, his demonstrations of attraction and lust in our day-to-day interactions have vanished. He is still very loving and attentive to me, we have plenty of cuddles on the couch or in bed, and we easily tell each
other that we love each other as many as 20 times a day. We have more love between us than ever before, but the loss of the lust and sex has been a huge source of sadness and depression for me.

We have talked about this many times. He always says that he is still attracted to me, but I don’t believe it because I don’t see him acting on it. He also says that he is having a hard time wrapping his head around how much he loves me with a desire to have sex with me–as though sex is something dirty or negative that will tarnish me. To some extent, I am sympathetic to his own process of adjustment as our relationship changes as we become parents together, but I also want him to just grow up and realize that sex is normal and healthy and something two healthy adults that love each other can share. I wish it was as important to him as it is to me, and I wish he understood how much fear this gives me about the future of our relationship. I think sex and attraction are the glue of a relationship, and it absolutely terrifies me that we have lost it so soon—especially as we embark on this new challenge of parenting when we are going to need that glue more than ever. It just breaks my heart when I read women saying that their husbands “can’t keep their hands off them.” I so wish I had that.

This also makes me wish that we had waited longer in our relationship before having a baby. Even though we still love each other deeply, I feel very vulnerable in this relationship knowing that he isn’t attracted to me anymore. I wish we’d had more time with my old body and our old sex life to build a deeper foundation. I also wish there had been more time for him to really get to know and love me for all the non-bodily things about my personality and soul because I realize now that those things are what I really have to sustain his attention with. I know the true reasons he is with me are indeed all those non-bodily things, but I still feel so vulnerable. I can’t help but think that another year or two to enjoy and develop what we had might
have been better.

I am now 30 weeks pregnant. I have this gorgeous big belly that I astounds both of us. My breasts are huge and I know many men would be thrilled with them. These are both changes that I expected, and I
suppose that are socially sanctioned- even supermodels get a big belly & boobs. But lately I have started gaining weight on the rest of my body and noticing horrible new developments like cellulite, plus I have gained nearly 30 lbs already– and I am really struggling with this. Even though I am a midwife and deal with pregnancy every day, I honestly and sincerely never expected that I would gain excessively, or in places other than my belly & boobs. This scares me with an intensity that shocks me.

Obviously my insecurity about my partner’s attraction to me is probably a huge reason for why I am having a hard time integrating this. At this point, I have pretty much given up on forcing the sex issue as there is certainly nothing less attractive than someone demanding you find them attractive. But I feel like my hopes that he will be attracted to me again after the baby is born are dwindling with each pound and each patch of cellulite. I desperately want my man to be attracted to me again.

As well, I know that excessive weight gain is associated with all sorts of obstetrical complications that I really want to avoid both for myself and obviously for my baby, and that might prevent me from having the homebirth I have dreamed about since I was a teenager. I am mature enough to realize that if my dream homebirth doesn’t happen, then I am still blessed a million-fold to be having a beautiful baby with a man that loves me and is committed to me, but I can’t shake the sense of obstetrical doom-and-gloom that I sense as I see my legs ballooning so early on.

And the worst part is that I don’t know what I could possibly do to stop this weight gain from continuing. I eat well, have cut out sugar, walk an hour at a fast pace most days, and do yoga a couple times a week. I also try to swim a few times a week. This all feels 100% intuitively right to me–hitting the gym just doesn’t jive with my sense of what my body needs right now. So short of completely abandoning my intuition about how to take care of myself, there isn’t any room to “give” for me to slow this weight gain down. So I assume
my only choice is to just stand back and trust that my body knows what it is doing (and avoid looking at my ass in the mirror at all costs?). But how do I deal with the thoughts of panic I have when I see my
naked body? How do I deal with the thoughts about restricting my eating when I plainly know this is unhealthy and damaging to my baby? How do I accept my body and even better–learn to find the beauty in
the changes? I have been so lucky to have been blessed with a healthy body image, natural enjoyment of healthy food and exercise, and a metabolism that has let me pretty much eat whatever I want whenever I
want for my entire life up to this point. I know that most women have had to grapple with these exact questions long before they reach their 30s, and may have some of the answers before finding themselves
floored by these thoughts in the middle of their first pregnancy. But this is incredibly new territory for me and it makes me feel awful.

Just a few degrees south (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 3 Comments

I had my first two children when I was 21 and 23. The pregnancies themselves were perfectly normal and healthy, but I was pretty depressed because the father wanted nothing to do with them. He tried to convince me to abort both times right up until the third trimester. I left him when our second child was a few months old. I went back to school and got my life together. Then, I met a wonderful man who loved my children almost more than I did. We got a married a few years later and then, learned we were pregnant with twins. I had said I didn’t want to have children after 30, so it was perfect timing. Like my first two, this pregnancy was fairly normal and healthy, but I experienced intense pain in my pelvic. I had something called pubic symphosis separation. My midwife wasn’t familiar with it, but she’d sent me to a physical therapist. I worked right up until the day I went into labor at 35 weeks. I had gone in for a regular appointment and the midwife checked to see if I was having real contractions or just more of the braxton-hicks variety. Turned out I was dilated to four and in full labor – I didn’t even know it. I’d been having contractions for 6 weeks and they felt the same to me.

I’d hoped to have a natural delivery, but both babies were breech. They were born via c-section four hours later. My husband cried as he held his children for the first time. I struggled not to panic and to keep my feelings of complete failure to myself. I had really hoped for a natural birth. Honestly, it wasn’t until I read Colleen’s Ode To My Scar on this site that I began to feel differently about it all.

I have always been plus sized, but after the twins, I shed weight very fast. I now weigh less than I did on my wedding day, but I just have all this skin lined with stretch marks. My husband thinks I am beautiful, and the beauty he sees is reflected in his eyes every time he looks at me. That’s what has helped me come to terms with the amazing body I have now.

This is me at 33 weeks and then today, 11 months pp.

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 4 children
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 10, 8, 1 year old twins.

Will I ever love this skin? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I’m a 31 year old mother of one beautiful tween girl whose now 11. I really miss the baby days. :( I had her at 20 and I had gained 85 pounds. I have stretch marks in every conceivable place a woman can have them. I have them on my flanks, my buttocks, my hips, my belly, my breasts, my underarms, the back of my knees, my thighs (inner and outer), near my groin area, and I even have faint ones on the outside of my upper arms. It’s been a constant struggle over the years to live in this body and be happy with it.

I’ve bought into the idea that women aren’t supposed to get older and lose their shape and for years I’ve been my own worst enemy. And having a couple of jerks for boyfriends in the past didn’t help matters much either. I haven’t gotten over it yet and I’m not sure I ever will. Maybe when I’m really old, feeble and gray, it won’t matter anymore. Some days I hate myself, and others, I have incredible self-esteem. I no longer want to diet, or obsess about exercise, but at the same time, I don’t want to let myself go either. I want to find a happy medium if it exists. But I am blessed and thankful I have a wonderful husband of 9 years and a terrific daughter who thinks I’m beautiful no matter what.

Reading your stories and seeing your pictures really inspires me. Although it makes me cry, it has compelled me to show myself to you so that maybe I might find some peace in this inner silent but screaming turmoil. Maybe together we can feel strong and empowered and proud of who we are and by the long journeys we’ve traveled to arrive here. Thank you so much.