First Pregnancy

Two Years On (Ruth)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m 32 (today!) and my son (my first and so far only child) is just about to turn two.

I put on four stone with my pregnancy, and despite various diets (and full-term breastfeeding) I have still not managed to lose it all. I’m starting to come to terms with the idea that this might just be my body now. My stomach is riddled with stretch marks which are now silvery in tone. They’re on my hips, too. It’s really wobbly and flabby and I’ve stopped wearing anything with a tight waistband. At the same time, however, I do feel more “feminine” than before. Maybe it’s because I prefer dresses now, as they skim over the flab and are more comfortable. I’m not sure I wanted to feel “feminine” particularly, but it’s happened, and I can’t say I mind too much.

I’m now at the stage where I’m wondering whether to try to lose more weight, or to come to terms with my body the way it is.

What do you think?

050309-ruth-1

No Longer Ashamed (Kerry)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 8 Comments

I am 18 years old and due in 6 days. Before I got pregnant I had the typical, enviable teenage body. I was thin, not a stretch mark to my name, and had abs to die for. I love being pregnant and feeling my little one move inside me, I feel so blessed that I have been given this amazing job to carry another life! I started my pregnancy off at about 130 at 5’8” and have gained almost 60lbs, it’s hard for me to hear EVERYONE tell me I will go right back to my old body just because I was thin before, because frankly I don’t believe them. The prospect of what my body might look like after birth has haunted me since I found out I was expecting. I’ve cried over it and swore I would never wear a swimsuit again. The media is so horrible to us pregnant women, they show us airbrushed models, a body none of us can ever achieve, because it’s not even real! I’m planning a homebirth, and at my last midwife appointment I was told about this site. It has changed my outlook sooooo much! I can’t even begin to describe the peace that’s beginning to come over me about my soon to be post baby body! This is the first time I have taken a picture of my belly and not been embarrassed about my stretchmarks, I began to get them at 36 weeks and have tried to hide them since then. I haven’t once let my thighs be in a shot due to the stretch marks I got either. The right side of my body has much more, I have no clue why. Anyway, Thank you!!! It’s amazing to be able to view my mommy marks in a new light! I will definitely post p.p. pics down the road! :) (Hopefully he/she comes soon! I’ve been getting a lot of contractions today!!!)
1st pic: 12 weeks
2nd pic: 6 months
3rd pic: 39 weeks + 1
4th pic: my little one

Updated here, here and here.

Never Happier With Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

i’m a twenty one year old first time mom. before i got pregnant i dieted constantly and went to gym every single day afetr work in order to achieve the body that i thought i was supposed to have. and it worked, if you want to think of it that way. i was a size two. but it was hard work and very stressful for me to stay that size. and no mater how flat my stomach was or how low the number on the scale dropped, i was always self conscious and unhappy with how i looked. when i got pregnant, i was so sick for the first few months that i just ate whatever didnt upset my stomach that day. to hell with counting calories, carbs, fiber, protein…and everything else on the label. i gained fifty pounds in those nine months but it didnt matter. i could feel my daughter moving around inside my belly! i had a nursery to plan and books to read, questions to ask, and dreams to dream for her! i happily bought set after set of larger maternity clothes. she was growing! that was really all that mattered.

after she was born my stomach stayed about as big as it was at six months pregnant for quite some time. then it slowly shrunk to four months pregnant, and then down to not pregnant at all! but i really hardly noticed. i was watching my baby grow, not my size shrink. besides, the only time i really left the house in those months was for doctor appointments or the rare grocery shopping trip. at three months, when i was going back to work, i looked at my body. it didnt even remotely resemble the body it had been just a year ago. my hips were wide and soft, everything was soft! my boobs had gone from a 34C to a 38D (or 38DD depending on the brand and style of bra) my stomach sagged with extra skin and was covered with stretchmarks. and i couldnt have been happier with myself. this was the body of me, the mother. these were the effects that my daughter had had. every stretchmark was a sign that she had been there, that she was a part of my life now. i went through my old clothes and donated all the size two tiny little clothes i had to the salvation army and went out and bought a fabulous size ten wardrobe. i’m not selfconscious anymore. i’ve never been more comfortable with my body and my husband still cant keep his hands off me. i hope everyone out there can love themselves the way that i have learned to. and i desperately hope that i can pass it onto my daughter.

Update after 3 Months of Pilates (Tamara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 41 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Hi! Its me again…im sure you have seen my previous posts and i promised i would keep up to date with the results of pilates and running to at least “try” and get my belly back to what it once was…anyhow the first two pics you can really see the definition the pilates has done….i still have loose skin above my belly button….but im not ganna stop working at it….im very happy with the results! just knowing what 3 months can do…imagine what a year could!! as for the stretchies…im looking into chemical peels to fade them a bit….the pics fade them but they are really deep some of them…the next pics are of my n my hubby and the lil man!! hope this inspires you guys! i know iv been inspired by everyone on here! btw i do have a myspace page if anyone ever wanted to chat or just check it out…https://www.myspace.com/ant_1129. Take care everyone!

Acceptance, It’s Not All Bad (Minxie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom 5 Comments

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy/birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: my daughter is 18 months

I hadn’t long turned 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I was absolutely terrified, as me and my partner had only been together 7 months. I felt that I hadn’t achieved anything that I wanted to do before I had children (go to college, get myself a good job, get a nice little house and get married) but nothing ever goes to plan when it comes to me! and there was no way I could ever have a termination. I was scared, but I knew I had to make the most of a ‘bad’ situation.

I started modeling at 18, and I think this had a huge impact on how I saw myself during my pregnancy. I felt huge, didn’t like how my breasts looked when the areola went darker. I just wanted to look the same as I did before, and constantly worried about how I would look after my baby was finished with my body. I’d always had a very low opinion of my body, which is why I started modeling in the first place. It helped a little seeing myself on camera, knowing that I didn’t look quite as bad as I did in my head. Little did I know, during my pregnancy I was suffering quite badly from depression (I’d been suffering from it for many years, but I just hadn’t realized what was wrong with me.) It really ruined my pregnancy for me….any normal mother-to-be would love and embrace their changing, pregnant body…but I just couldn’t wait to get back to normal. My pregnancy wasn’t an easy one anyway, with shocking morning sickness for the first 3 months, and developing Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) in the last 2 months which made it too painful to leave the house.

I started developing stretch marks on the top of my thighs at 6 months. They didn’t bother me too much as there were only one or two each side, and they were small and didn’t have much colour. But I started to get them on my stomach a month before my due date, and I was absolutely gutted. I thought I had avoided them, and it was a cruel thing to happen when I was so close to ‘making it’. I cried, and really did start thinking about how much my life was over, just because of a few stretch marks. It seems so silly and disgustingly shallow saying this now, but at the time it really did affect me in a terrible way.

My daughter was born 6/9/07 at 8.14am. I was in labour for 7 and a half hours, and she was born naturally weighing 8lbs 8oz. The birth went really well, no complications and no need for stitches! She was healthy and beautiful, and as soon as I looked at her I knew she was worth every sacrifice. She instantly became my world!

My breasts were fine through pregnancy, right up until I gave birth and my milk came in. I went from a D cup to a FF cup in the space of 3 days. I only breast fed for 2 weeks, and moved to formula and expressed breast milk after that as I wasn’t getting on very well with breast feeding. I don’t believe that I was doing it correctly and was paranoid that my daughter wasn’t getting enough milk. After the milk went, I was left with C cup deflated balloons! at 19 I found it really difficult to come to terms with the fact that I may never be able to wear a bikini on the beach, or wear slightly daring clothes whilst on nights out ever again. I loved my daughter with all my heart, and would of gone through it all again to have her, but that didn’t make me feel any better about how I looked as a woman.

I hit an all time low a few months after. I hated everything about how I looked and who I was, and was really desperate to get what I had back. I cursed myself for hating what I had before pregnancy, as as far as I was concerned, what I have now was much worse! I put on 2 stone in pregnancy, but lost a stone of it after the birth. The last stone I managed to shed through exercise, and I even managed to lose a stone extra. Being a stone lighter than I was before I got pregnant still didn’t help me feel better…what was the point in being slim when I had stretch marks and saggy boobs? I just wanted to curl up and die at times.

When my daughter was 5 months old I was diagnosed with postnatal depression, and was put on meds to help me cope. I loved my daughter so much, but hated myself just as much. I’d become a real mess, and didn’t know who I was anymore or what my purpose in life was. I felt my daughter deserved a better mother than she had…my opinion of myself was at it’s lowest. After a few months on the meds, I really started to feel better. I had a good long look at my life, and got my priorities straight. My daughter was way more important than how I looked, and I really needed to start spending more time having fun with her, and less time worrying about myself. I knew that I was lucky, I had a gorgeous, healthy child who was thriving and coming along brilliantly, and not every parent had been that lucky. I started to feel ashamed of how much I obsessed over how I looked, and started seeing past my imperfections I even started feeling a little bit proud of how I looked! My partner saw how much I’d come along, and offered to pay for breast augmentation surgery, although he didn’t think I needed it. I thought about it long and hard…I knew it was a risk, and maybe a little bit shallow, but why not take the chance to feel a little bit better about yourself? I had my surgery in February 2008. The surgery, combined with my medication and hard work repairing my mental health really lifted my confidence from the floor…I finally felt I had a body to be proud of, stretch marks or no stretch marks (although they’re very faded now, you can only see them in certain lights)!! I started modeling again in May 2008, and although I do have to explain the stretch marks to photographers, most of them are fine with it and find ways to work around it.

My daughter is now 18 months old. I love her so much, and can’t believe I wasted so much time fretting over how I looked instead of having as much fun as possible with her and feeling lucky that I have such a happy, healthy child. But I also realize that I can’t blame myself for it, PND is something that affects alot of women, and it made the first few months of my baby’s life a very dark time for me. I’m doing all I can to make it up to her now :) she is my inspiration for everything I do.

All my pics are completely unedited so you can see what I look like!

Modeling before pregnancy
Stomach before pregnancy
9 months pregnant
Modeling after pregnancy
Stomach after Pregnancy
Me and my little girl Cadey

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

(btw my english is not perfect, I live in mexico, but I really love this site and finally I decided to send some photos and share my story, I’m sure that I’ll have some mistakes, so sorry for that)
I’m 19 years old, and I have a 2 year old amazing son. I have to accept that I am young and not mature enough to take care of a child, but he is so incredible that I just love him, he is the only one that make me smile everyday and now I can’t imagine my life with out him.
The father is ..just, I even can call that person a father cause he don’t act as one. I can say he “try” just the day that my baby was born and that was pretty much it. After that he continue being an alcoholic and drug addict that hit me almost everyday. I wasn’t brave enough to tell somebody what was happening until he sent me to the hospital for the 3rd time my mom knew that something wasn’t right and the fake stories about my “accidents” were really stupid, thank God she save us. With out her I’ll be probably dead. At the time diego was 8 months old.
Now I’m used to my body but I’m not ready to show it to the world I just hate the idea of not wearing a bikini anymore and I fell so uncomfortable when I wear dresses or short skirts but luckily for me I have a new boyfriend that loves just the way I am. Now for the first time in years I fell really happy, I love my baby more and more everyday and I totally trust my boyfriend, I know him since I was 13 he has always been my best friend, and he was always been here for me and for Diego.

Trying Hard to Love my New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Firstly I must say how amazing all the women are who have had the courage to reveal themselves proudly and honestly on this site. Also how much I admire women who are proud of their bodies, stretch marks and all, for bringing their babies into the world.

Before getting pregnant I had already started putting on weight heading towards my 30th birthday and had started going to the gym. After just four weeks of this regime I found out I was pregnant. Like many women, in the beginning I didn’t put on that much weight or have stretch marks, it all happened within the space of a week and it was absolutely crushing after trying so hard to be healthy. I was crestfallen, along with swollen ankles, pregnancy to me was not a ripe, luscious time, and I felt huge and ungainly. I wanted to feel that earth mother beauty, but I just felt awkward and huge.

It is a given that I would have done all this again to have my son with me, but it doesn’t take away the shame I feel towards my body and my resentment that it hasn’t bounced back the way I had hoped. I can’t wear the fashion that I want, and must cover my belly with daggy, loose clothes. Shopping has become a downer. It is something I think of everyday. The sleep deprivation that comes with having babies makes anyone feel weak. Things like a poor self-image get blown out of proportion, that’s what makes the post-partum period so hard. Add to this a hard birth and you’ve got the agony and ecstasy of birth/babies all rolled into one.

From the beginning of pregnancy, to now 4.5 months afterwards, I have felt the most unsexiest I have ever felt in my life (now about a year). I have struggled to remain positive about myself and to just bask in the glow of the birth of my absolutely divine boy. It hasn’t come easy and some days I feel like my self-esteem is the lowest it has ever been. My wonderfully supportive partner urges me to have nights off and go out with my friends once in a while, but truly I am embarrassed to go to out to see some music or out in public because I feel so self-conscious and awkward about my body and imagine acquaintances will talk about how much I have let myself go and finding clothes to wear is a drag. Added to this is the fact that almost all my friends who have had children look smaller then they did when before they gave birth. Sometimes nature is fickle and cruel. That breastfeeding helps you lose the pounds is one of the greatest myths of all; for many yes; but I don’t think it has really helped me, apart from being an amazing bonding experience with my son and giving me a ravenous appetite.

This site has been such a help for me, to realize the dignity and power of the female body in giving and nourishing life. Each day I try to remember this, but often I fall prey to the imagery surrounding me everyday. Hollywood has a lot to answer to with its applause of women who starve and exercise themselves straight after giving birth to attain that perfect post-pregnant body.

Just to end this, the one thing however I do love is the soft feel of my belly and its stretch marks, it fascinates me everyday, even if it may appear grotesque to mainstream society, I do see them as life’s natural tattoos.

Age: 30
Number of pregnancies/births: One.
Age of Child: 5 months, 5 months postpartum

Starving to Blooming (Eve)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 20 Comments

Having spent the last 14 years suffering from Anorexia Nervosa before becoming pregnant I worried about how my changing body may bring back the thoughts, feelings and negativity I had experienced for so long. I had only been in recovery for a number of months before getting pregnant I didn’t feel I was prepared for either getting “bigger” and especially for how my body would look post-pregnancy. I have to say I have been happily surprised by my own reaction. I loved being pregnant, took to it like a duck to water. I enjoyed my ever blossoming bump and showed it off to the max. My worries stuck about how I would feel post-pregnancy. Here I am, 3 weeks after giving birth to my beautiful daughter and feeling (and looking!) fabulous! Yes, I have lumps, bumps, wobblies and stretch marks but I look better than I have in years. Going from 105lbs to 150lbs during my pregnancy has done something, has changed me. I can now appreciate my womanly figure, my curves!! My daughter has done more for me than just making me a mother, but also helping me see the beauty in my own skin.

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: daughter, 3 weeks

Need Support (MotherofanAngel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

Hello! I am a first time mom in need of some support while I am on my journey back to feeling good about my body again. My pre-pregnancy weight was between 130-135 (I’m 5’5). I got up to about 205lbs, gaining 70-75lbs at the end of the pregnancy. I am now 5 months PP and weigh about 160lb. Listening to other mothers has been helping me stay positive about my body. I am so grateful to have my beautiful, healthy little girl and cannot complain about my blessed life. I just want to be a healthy active mom and thought this would be a great place to keep me motivated and track my progress!!! Isn’t motherhood the best? Thanks!!!!

~Your Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births:First pregnancy
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5months PP