First Pregnancy

Not Feeling so Confidant (Shaylene)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 19 Comments

I wasn’t ever the thinest person around. Im 5’2 and I was 160 lbs before I had given birth to my son. I gain 29 Lbs during the pregnancy and gained a few stretch marks which I am not bothered by. I have never been confident in the way I look. And lately i’ve been getting worse. I had my son April 17, 2009 and I thought I would be fine with my body afterwards seeing how it had been my childs life source, and it had created my son. But I just don’t feel good in my body. I am now 3 months Post. And am currentlyat 159 lbs. My fiance tells me im sexy and look the best I have ever looked, but I just don’t feel it myself. I just don’t know what to do so I feel good about myself.. Im confused. Im 19 years old and I feel I should look alot better than I do right now.

1st pic – Days before giving birth
2nd pic – 3 months pp front
3rd pic – 3 months pp side
4th pic – My lovely son Aspen :)

Scars of a Mother are Like No Other (Roz)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I would like to start this of by saying this website is an amazing place for all types of women and mothers to be joined as one without the cruelties we face in this world day by day…

i was 16 when i became pregnant with my daughter. i was scared because i wanted to go to college and become a forensic scientist and i knew i would have to set that back for a while to become a mother. gratefully the father was excited. even tho he was apart of my life he made it hell. he stressed me out, we argued so much through out my pregnancy and i never felt so low in my life. i begged him to change and be a family. it came to the point i had to leave him because i was in and out of the hospital in pre-term labor and i ended up giving birth to her 1 month early. eventually he got his act together and changed when he saw his daughter being born and we have been together for 4 years now. .my daughter is now 2 years old and boy she is a little fire cracker. i had such a good pregnacy. i had no sickness at all i didnt start showing until i was 6 monthes pregnant. i had no strethmarks until i was 33 weeks pregnant. i thought at first i didnt have many until i actually gave birth and looked in the mirror. when i looked in the mirror i saw a 17 year old girl who had not finish high school yet with no clue what she was going to do now that her child was out of her womb. i was also scared to end up a statistic. thankfully i finished high school i took a course for cardio vascular ultra sound to make money quicker to put my self through forensic school, and now i am goin to start school for forensic patholegy. dispite all those concerns my biggest one was my body. i danced since i was young and did gymnastic as well as play sports. i always hated my body dispite the fact it was beautiful, but now i had every reason to never want to look in a mirror again. i was so excited about my baby being in my arms i knew then wat the love of a mother truly was and it is something u cannot explain because it goes beyond the word love. i cryed everyday once home from the hospital because of my stretch marks. all the young girls who had children who went to school still stayed with th ere flawless body’s and i thought why me. i hated them for not having stretch marks when there bellys were so big and i had such a tiny belly and i did everything to prevent the marks. i was scared ppl would ask me if i had them because i didnt want to hear negative feedback. i was young and i saw how men talked about women and there body’s and how they like women to be and i was no longer that i thought. now 2 1/2 years later i have learned that it is not the end of the world and i shouldnt care what the world or men think. i have to love me and my body because this body did what no man could ever do and that was create life. there is nothing greater than being a mother and have a part of you walking the earth. i would like to say thank you, because reading your storys have helped me look at my self and say ” ur beautiful”.

~20
~1pregnacy and birth
~i am a curvy mommy and proud
~these are photos of me and my baby girl saiyuri

Perfection Has Changed My Body (Becca)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 15 Comments

Your Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2yrs, 8 months.

Perfection has taken the name of Zachary. He is my whole world. He is my strength, my courage, my rock. My reason for waking in the morning, and my prayers at night. He has helped me to discover myself as a person, and my purpose in this life. He has carried me through the hardest of times(never realizing it), and never once has taken me for granted. Loves me for me, and can hug away any tear that I may cry, always replacing it with the biggest of smiles.
I am 2 1/2 years PP and it is still very hard to look at myself in the mirror and except the changes that my body have gone through to create PERFECTION.
I have my strong days, where I have the confidence to wear a BIKINI! I have my weak days where I would rather wear a large sweatshirt to hide any possible sign of my stretched out stomach.
Why is it that we have such a low self opinion of ourselves? Why is that we look at our tummies, our breasts, and in my case, legs, and think that we are disgusting, ugly, repulsive…
If we could only look past the strechmarks and skin, past all of this to the beautiful little one looking up at us with wonder and excitement in his eyes, then it will all make sense! Every mark, every inch of loose skin, every new nook and cranny. We did it for them!
Don’t look at yourself as being ugly, NO! Look at yourself as loving. We are how we are because we love them. Self sacrifice to create our own version of perfection. Every mark tells a story of the little boy who has taught me so much. And I love these marks, for allowing me to have experienced my very own personal lifetime of perfection.<3 [gallery]

Struggling to Accept My Body’s Changes (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Tattoo 16 Comments

My Age: 29
1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
7 Months Postpartum

I was 27 years old when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was 28 when I delivered him. My husband was 28 as well. I had separated from the military, married my husband, and gotten pregnant all within 8 months so to say my life was changing is an understatement! My husband was (and still is) on active duty in the military. We found out shortly after our first ultrasound at 9 weeks that he would be deploying overseas. He left at 15 weeks and was gone up until 3 weeks before our son arrived. It was very tough to be pregnant with no family around and only 1 or 2 friends for support. I also lost my grandfather during this time. I believe that everything going on during the pregnancy, as well as the circumstances directly afterward, set me up for postpartum depression.

My water broke 4 days before my due date around 10 pm. We went to the hospital first thing the next morning because my contractions weren’t picking up on their own. I wanted a natural childbirth and I was devastated when I ended up on pitocin. My husband didn’t understand how important natural childbirth was for me and he didn’t support me in trying to get that in a hospital setting. I was on pitocin for 9 hours until I asked for the epidural. It was 8 more hours before our son was born. The staff kept pushing a c-section because it had been so long since my water had broken, but I refused and I am so glad I did at least get the vaginal birth I had hoped for.

I had gotten breast implants in 2006, they were put in via an incision around the nipple and placed under the muscle. I was curvy on the bottom and always felt out of proportion. I felt so good about my breasts and my body after the surgery. The plastic surgeon had assured me I’d be able to breastfeed one day and my OB told me the same. I was again devastated when that wasn’t the case. My right breast functioned but my left did not. I barely produced any colostrum and later could only get a small bit of breastmilk from the left, about a quarter ounce at the most. My son would scream and scream when I put him on the left breast from frustration at sucking and not getting enough out. I ended up supplementing because of this, I didn’t feel confident that he could get adequate milk from the right side only.

The first 3 months postpartum I struggled hard with body acceptance issues and postpartum depression. I weighed 145 when I left the military and started gaining weight from having a sedentary job and not exercising. I was 160 when I got pregnant and weighed 205 at delivery. The first 2 weeks postpartum I dropped 15 pounds. I had expected to lose more right away and felt there was something wrong with me when it didn’t happen. I was stuck there at 190 until the end of February (that’s when I started trying much harder to drop pounds) and I felt disgusting because of it. I wore sizes that made me ashamed because I couldn’t shop in the sections or stores that I used to. My husband didn’t look at me the same way either and didn’t even try to help me feel better (we’re now going through couples counseling for many issues we’re having). I felt so guilty that I couldn’t exclusively breastfeed. We had moved at 6 weeks postpartum to a new duty station where I knew no one so I felt even more isolated and lonely. I began to feel angry all the time, I cried frequently, I told family and friends I hated my life. I lashed out at my husband and even started to resent my baby and feel angry at him because in my head it seemed like he caused so much of it all. I realized things weren’t right and went to my doctor. I started taking medication for postpartum depression, stopped breastfeeding completely, and saw a counselor. I felt much better almost immediately, I’m off medication today but I wish I had started it sooner.

I’m 7 months postpartum now and weigh 170. My goal is to reach 145 again, that was my weight in the pre-pregnancy pictures. I don’t know if it will ever happen or not, right now I’d be satisfied with losing another 10 or 15. I still have a stigma attached to the sizes I have to buy. I’m nowhere near fitting into any of my old stuff and I hate buying new clothes until I lose more weight. I realize my body has changed – my butt, hips, and thighs are wider, I have back fat that made me go up in bra size, the pooch on my tummy shows through my shirts – but I don’t know yet how to come to grips with that. I have tons of clothes in storage that I’ll probably never wear again, that’s the worst part because I had a great wardrobe. Even if I do lose all the weight I’d like to, he shape of my body has changed so much that the old clothes won’t fit right anyway. Maybe one day I’ll be okay with this, I’m continuing to work on self-acceptance. For now I’m happy that I get to be mommy to a beautiful, smart and fun little boy!

16 Months Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

16 Months Update

Age: 27
Number of pregnancies: 1
Number of children: 1, 16 months old

See my first post, from 4 weeks pp, here. And my second post, from 8 months pp, here.

And now here we are, 16 months pp. Whoa. Where did that time go? I had a tiny newborn and now I’ve got a toddler! He’s a force to be reckoned with, too, but in the past 16 months I have seen myself swept up in his magic and find myself happier and healthier than I have been… well, ever.

I became pregnant in August of 07 and weighed around 175-180lbs. I gained at least 30lbs while pregnant – I stopped counting when I hit 200lbs. Today I fluctuate between 132 and 134lbs and my final goal is to maintain at 128lbs (but believe me, it’s challenging. I still haven’t broken 130.) I haven’t weighed this since I was about 19 – almost 9 years ago. It’s pretty cool.

Now I am living a life that I never thought I could achieve. I’m a stay at home mom hanging out with a very cool dude every day. I find I am gaining more confidence in myself and realizing that, seriously, stretch marks are so not a big deal. I’ve got tons of them all over my thighs, but seriously, life has SO much more going on that I forget they’re even there. I still don’t like my oogly belly, but oh well. I suddenly like salads and this year I learned to garden. All the things that seemed intimidating and scary and “too hard” for me are just… not. I can do it. I can do anything I want.

Seeing your child grow up puts a lot of things into perspective. I want to be around and healthy and set a good example for my son. A positive attitude, healthy habits, and appreciation of small things are the lessons my son has taught me – now I just hope I can return the favor to him.

Having a child was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m so much happier, healthier and complete than I was before him. I hope someday I can tell him how much he has changed me for the better!

PS: When my son turned one I had a medically recommended bilateral breast reduction mammaplasty surgery. I’m not going to tell you or anyone else they should or should not have breast reduction surgery. I was referred for the surgery before I became pregnant and it took me 2 years to get in to actually see the surgeon for a consult. You can see the scars in these photos. It was the right move for me, and I’m very happy with the results.

A body marked indelibly with love (Laurie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 12 Comments

I had my first child at 21 years of age. I was previously a teenager who had the constant belief that I was fat, and obsessed over my body daily. As my body grew with pregnancy (and fluid retention!) I became very despondent about my shape, worrying that I would be ‘fat’ and forever unattractive. I also came to the realisation that my pre-baby body was actually very thin and lovely. I had never had the confidence to wear a bikini before, and when pregnant, realised I could have worn one easily! So I mourned for the youthful body I didn’t appreciate, but in the back of my mind, I was sure that I would have that body back after the pregnancy. Don’t the magazines say that you do if you eat right an exercise?

Then, I got stretch marks right the way across my belly, from side to side, and an abdominal muscle separation that caused my belly button and the area surrounding it to have a caved-in appearance (post baby). After my daughter was born, I couldn’t undress in front of my husband anymore, with shame.
Then, (after I had gotten back to pre-pregnancy weight at around 1 year post-partum), I was disturbed by the amount of comments I gained from women who had never had children about my body. How I looked good ‘for someone who’d had a baby’, or how flat my tummy was (they didn’t see the boob-high support underwear I was wearing under my clothes!) etc, and I began to feel indignant about the pressure I then felt to suck my tummy in all the time, because I knew women were looking. Then I felt bad that I was perpetuating the image that women should appear ‘untouched’ by their pregnancy, and I wished for the confidence to ditch the support undies and feel comfortable in my saggy skin. I became indignant about the unrealistic image of what a woman ‘should’ be, post-baby. I have now become proud of my stretch marks, and can truthfully say that I love my body so much more now than I ever did when it was more youthful. :)

My age: 23
Number of pregnancies and births: 1, 1

The pics!
14 weeks
40 weeks
demonstrating the stretch marks and squish-a-bility, 9 months later!

I Finally Love Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

I got pregnant the summer before my senior year of high school. I walked the halls with a huge belly got stares from students and teachers. When I went to the outside world people poked and prodded. Why complete strangers think they have the right to know how old I am I have no idea.
I married my sons father… but once the ring went on my finger… I was his property. I suffered in an abusive marriage for 2 years before I gained enough self esteem to get out. He would tell me that I was fat and no one else would love me and that I could never survive without him. Also, that if I did leave him… he would make my life hell. Which he has done a great job at!
I’ve picked up the pieces I’m a junior in college. I am losing weight and trying so hard to find myself.

I loved being pregnant… the hormones made me feel happy for once in my life. If I didn’t have to deal with rude people all day I would have enjoyed it even more. I gained 40 pounds… lost 30 then gained 10 back… so I still have 20 pounds to go.

I can’t wait to find the right guy who will accept my stretch marks and mommy boobies and my son! I want to have more children… but I am waiting until I’m finished with college!

Age:20
Number of pregnancies and births: one
Postpartum: 27 months

17 Weeks Later (Soph)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions 7 Comments

My name is Soph and 17 weeks ago, just before I turned 24, I delivered my first child – a lovely little boy.
I lost my first baby and had to wait several years to try to concieve my son. Such a wanted, beautiful pregnancy.

I weighed just over 90kg when I got pregnant, stayed at that weight until the third trimester and then suddenly put on 12kg. I had terrible morning sickness, that was then replaced by terrible anaemia.

I loved my bump. I felt powerful. I felt…beautiful. I felt like a woman.

My baby was born all of a sudden, there was no time to assimilate what was happening. He weighed over 4kg and I had a large placenta (that was commented on by the midwives!) and I seemed to have a huge amount of water.

Immediately post-birth, I felt fantastically slim, slimmer than I had been for years. And I haven’t really put any weight back on since then.
Then the baby blues kicked in and unfortunately haven’t really gone.

I am now thinner than I have been since I was 18.
And yet when I look in the mirror, this is what I see.
Someone told me to regard them as battlescars.
But I feel like a tiger. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. Embarassed. Saggy. Enormous. Ugly, Unsexy. Unworthy.
I still have to buy size 18 (UK) shirts because of my boobs…and don’t even get me started on my boobs. That is for another day.

080409-soph-1

Unplanned, But Not a Mistake (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I was 15 years old, the “boy” I thought I was in Love with, had just broke up with me. I decided to get back at him by sleeping with one of his friends. It was just suppose to be a one time thing just to make my ex, the guy i thought was the love of my life, mad. Well a month later, no period. I took a pregnancy test and it said positive. I was just in complete shock. The guy that was just suppose to be a one time thing, just became the father of my child. At first I kept saying I was going to get an abortion, b/c the father was black and I am white. I didn’t want to deal with all the looks and shame people were going to give me, and because the changes that my body would go through. Then I thought I don’t even believe in abortions, and who cares if i get big? After about a month into the pregnancy, I went in to have my first ultrasound. As soon as I saw MY baby on that screen, I FELL IN LOVE!! I decided I was going to keep the baby. I knew having a baby at 15 was going to be extremely diffucult. But I was willing to accept the consequences. On January 2, 2008 I gave birth to a perfect 6 pounds 4 ounces baby girl! She’s 18 months old now and i’m 17, people do stare at me sometimes, and I get rude remarks, but it doesn’t bother me. All that matters is what I think. My friends ditched me b/c I couldn’t just drop what I was doing anymore to hang out with them. A irresponsible act gave me the greatest gift ever. I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for anything in this world! I truelly have found the love of my life.
I love my body, and call my stretch marks, Beauty marks. I look at my body in the mirror from time to time and think, I brought a beautiful baby into this world, and I would go through all the changes again, in a heartbeat.

1st pic-18 months post partum
2nd pic-me and my baby girl

Struggling for Acceptance (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 22 Comments

I’m 24 years old and I’m a mother to a 2 1/2 year old daughter and a 10 month old son. I got pregnant when I was 21 though it really wasn’t in my plans at that time. I was not married when I found out, but my BF and I did what we thought was right and married when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I started out my pregnancy at 130 lbs. It was the most I had weighed yet in my life. I always thought I was heavier than I should be for 5’3 and since I was 12 years old I have been dieting. Never able to succeed at weight loss I found myself turning to drastic measures. I toyed with bulimia, anorexia and stimulant drugs to try and lose weight. The lowest I ever was able to get was 114. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was terrified of gaining a lot of weight. I have two older sisters that became obese after pregnancy and both have turned to Gastric Bypass now. I was terrified and I found the website www.babyfit.com. This website taught me so much about healthy and natural weight loss and weight management during pregnancy. I started to exercise faithfully for the first time in my life and watched what I ate. I exercised up until the day I gave birth and only gained 17 lbs. 2 weeks PP I was 7 lbs lighter than I had began pregnancy and by 6 months PP I weighed in at 98 lbs. I did nothing except eat healthy and breastfeed. I was on cloud nine with what I was able to achieve with my body, yet I still didn’t feel good about myself. When I got pregnant with my son my body was starving. I felt like my hunger was uncontrollable and I went on a 3 month binge at the beginning of my pregnancy. I gained 12 lbs in the first 3 months. Very depressed and struggling terribly with the weight gain there were times that I wished for a miscarriage. My bulimia came back 10 fold and I’m lucky to have birthed a healthy baby boy. Though I am back down to 104 lbs, I’m still miserable inside my body. My quest for self-confidence seems never ending and I know it’s because happiness comes from within. I don’t think it will ever matter what the scale says unless I can find a happiness within I will never be content. I’m grateful for this website. It helps me to appreciate what I have.

First Picture: 14 weeks pregnant with first child
Second Picture: 4 Weeks Pregnant with 2nd child
Third Picture: 36 weeks pregnant with 2nd child
Fourth Picture: 10.5 month PP with 2nd child