First Pregnancy

27 with 2 kids, 1 c-section and dealing with the scar left behind (Marie P.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 17 Comments

I am currently 27 and 3 months and 1 week post c-section. I have 2 children a 5 year old and now a 3 month old. My son was a c-section and needless to say I, like other women have had struggles with my new body and scarring. Our bodies not only change but they permanently stay unusual in our eyes. And we have to find it within us somewhere to accept it. Before my 5 year old I was very active running every day. So I guess you can say I was in very much in shape. During my first pregnancy I was also active. I was working all the way until I popped and even during my pregnancy I ran up until I was 4 months and took yoga classes. My pre-weight was 110 and at the end of my pregnancy I was 142. I delivered her vaginally with no complications. And short after 2 weeks in having her I was eager to hit the track and start running again. my eagerness caused me to hemorrhage for a 1 month. So I forced myself to stay put for a month. Once I healed and followed doctors orders I hit the track. about 4 months later I was 110 again and my body was prob in the best shape ever, even before my daughter was born. Hard work paid off then. Opting to grace my husband with a son I got pregnant at 26 (having kept in mind that my 1st pregnancy was smooth sailing). After just 3 months into pregnancy, i gained a few pounds and fast. My starting weight was 118. By my 4th month I was 125 and feeling very sick. I was always sleepy and tired and very noxious daily. This pregnancy was definitely different. Needless to say I was not able to work out during this pregnancy. About my 7th month and 8th month of pregnancy I was finally able to walk on the treadmill 3 times a week with much back ache though. My son of course at 37 weeks was footling breech and they had scheduled me to do what they call a version. Where they manually try to turn the baby while in your womb from the outside. This procedure lasted 35 minutes and was very painful for me. After a failed attempt to turn him the doc felt I should go home and we would schedule a c-section. Until the PA found me to be 4 cm dilated. With my son’s foot lodged into my pelvis bone the doctor felt best i had a c-section that day since i was so far dilated. As we got everything prepared to have a baby, another doctor took the shift and felt he could be successful in turning the baby manually to save me having to be cut open. Although I felt like we should just go as planned the doctor was more convincing then I was. So we tried once more for this version. During this process the doctor caused my son to go in distress (meaning having bowel movements in the womb) which then called for an emergency c-section rather then scheduled. The OR was not prepared for a c-section. The nurses had not set up for this and the doctor and nurses were yelling at each other. My husband was called in late into the OR as he was walking in my son was being yanked out. He wasn’t breathing at first but he was revived and his leg was unfortunately broken. I was heart broken but i am so blessed to have him here and thankful that he is ok now. The result of my c-section is my beautiful son who endured alot his first seconds of life. With all that happened my recovery from all this was definitely a hard and long one. the pain was nothing like Ive experienced. But because of how eager I am to be fit, I had in my mind that I was going to start working out 2 weeks pp. Well that didnt happen as planned. My pain lasted longer then 2 weeks. So I wanted to wait another week. I had read all this internet stories about women who had ran as little as 3 weeks pp. So I thought I would be one of them. Well my caring husband would not let me and forbid me from working out before 6 weeks. So having no choice other then waiting I looked daily at my scar and breast that began to slowly sag. The more I looked at my scar the more depressed I got. I applied mederma cream and gel faithfully in hopes that in just 6 weeks the scar would go away. Ladies, it doesn’t work like that. After my 6 week pp I hit the gym thinking I could jog cause I was in shape prior. Nope! It hurt like hell to jog. So for about 1month I kept it at walk and gradually turned it into a jog by Feb. (if you use a trimming belt to suppress your incision area, it helps alot) By the end of Feb. I was able to run again. And by March 1st I was able to run at my peak and without my trimming belt. Im having regular workout sessions as before and I feel great. Until I undress. I know I should see my scar as a trophy scar but I dont. My trophy is my son being here and thats the best trophy out there. My scar is just a new flaw that I have. I got a few stretch marks but they disappear in about a year. (as they did with my daughter) My breast are very run down and I plan on getting them re-done. My husband is very supportive and tries so hard to reassure me that it doesnt mean anything to him and he doesn’t care a bout a stupid scar because he loves me and he is deeply attracted to me. But some ladies will agree that in the society we live in to day. What and how you look is often judge before your personality. Which is very sad. But this is my body and its just something Im not and will never get use to seeing. My ending pregnancy weight at 37 weeks was 152. I am now 3 months and 1 week post c-section and weighing 117. I have 7 more pounds to lose but this time around its been harder then before. For those trying to lose weight after a csection. Follow doctors orders and listen to your body. The after effects like the scarring and the stretch marks are something us women have to deal with that no one will ever understand how it could make us feel. Whether its a lot of stretch marks or 1 stretch mark or horrible incision or sagging breast or prune belly. We have to find ways to accept our bodies… and that is what im trying to do No ones said it would be easy and I am learning that as I go. I know some people have worse and some have it lightly but this is me and what I can stand. And it just doesnt sit well with me.

I have included photos:
1 photo of me before i got pregnant with my daughter
1 during my pregnancy with her
1 after the 1st pregnancy weight loss
1 before my pregnancy with my son
2 during my sons pregnancy
3 of my c section scar
1 of my cankles :)
3 of my body now
1 of my son and his trauma
1 of my scar at 3months 1week

Really Very Bad Timing (Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 2 children
14 months postpartum, twins

My twin boys were perfect timing. Our fertility doctor had just finished telling us we would never conceive naturally. I had just told him that through the grace of God I believed that we would. 3 weeks later some routine tests came back to tell me I was pregnant without the help of drugs or procedures and about 6 weeks later we received the amazing news that there were two little bubs! I was over the moon. My husband seemed a little less excited but I told myself it was that he was overwhelmed, besides that he never was really very good with emotion. As you can imagine I got to be pretty huge. Unfortunately I also became pretty lonely, My husband seemed to withdrawal further and further as my pregnancy progressed. I had an emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia at 36 weeks and although very small the boys were born beautiful and healthy. I remember the first day they let me get up on my own to go to the bathroom. I stared at the body in the mirror in absolute disgust. I thought I would look like that forever. As hard as I tried I could not breast feed my boys so not only was my body hideous but it also couldn’t nourish my two beautiful boys. I had some postpartum depression but after a few months I began to feel better. The boys were getting bigger and healthier with the use of formula. I would force myself to look in the mirror stark naked almost daily. It was important that I understood that this was my body now and it had done something incredible for me. I had never been thin to begin with but had always loved my curves. After a couple of months I began to love my body, stretch marks, love handles and all. Through all of this my relationship with my husband got better and then worse. I had always adored my husband and although his personality was distant and sometimes very cold I convinced myself he adored me as well. The month before the boys first birthday my husbands raging porn addiction was found out.It had existed before he had known me so you might think I couldn’t possibly blame myself but I do. This wasn’t an occasional peek at porn, if his addiction had been heroin he would be dead in a gutter some where. It had caused him to seriously neglect our kids and myself for a very long time. My husband has overcome his addiction and hasn’t so much as peeked in months with the help of God, myself, some friends and our pastor. This has helped him to become a very caring, loving husband and father. He is now a man I am proud to be married too. The problem is as he moved on to be a better man, he left me standing in my own insecurities. It took a lot of work to get me to a place where I could look myself in the mirror after my babies. Stupid silly me asked my husband every question I could think of about his addiction- desperate to know just how far it went, just how bad it got. Now I am left with the knowledge of all the women he has seen, all the positions he watched and all my friends and family he thought of lustfully. I feel like I will never ever compare. He treats me like royalty now, tells me without all of that junk in his head he sees just how beautiful I am and always was. What I hear is that now that he can’t see the beautiful women in porn he will settle for me. This is destroying me and I know I need help. I have to convince myself to eat most days and have lost quite a bit of weight in the past couple months. What the twins and the stretch marks and the mom skin couldn’t accomplish in killing my self esteem totally- my husbands addiction managed to do. I don’t know how to dig out of this hole, I don’t know how to heal. I do feel hopeful though, especially when I see my husband being so involved with the boys and when I see their gorgeous smiles. Thanks for reading.

My Journey to Motherhood (Carmel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

These photos were taken by my supportive and amazing husband Nathan. The photos are at 34 weeks, 39 weeks and the day of Arthur’s Birth.

I had a wonderful pregnancy. Even though I am a large woman I felt amazing when I was pregnant. The fact I had a life, our little miracle, growing inside me negated any body issue I previously had.

The Tuesday before I was due to give birth (we were due on the Friday) I had the urge to always wee. I went to the hospital for a check up and was told that it was possibly a urinary tract infection. The next day I lost my plug and saw a stand in OB as mine was on holidays. She said that I was 1cm dilated and not infection was present. She thought I would most probably give birth on Saturday. That night at 4am my waters broke and the realization that those Braxton hicks were actual contractions. My husband was fantastic packing the car and calling the hospital whilst I had one last relaxing shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. Once there we were informed that I was 4 cm dilated. Things progressed quickly however because my son has so much hair the midwifes, doctors and OB could not get the monitor on his head nor could they feel which way he was facing. At 10am I was fully dilated and started to push. I pushed for over an hour without Arthur descending into the canal. The OB and midwifes strongly suggested an emergency c section. At 12.52pm my son was pulled out via c section. An amazing day!

~Age: 24 when I gave birth, now 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1,1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Arthur is 7 ½ months, 7 ½ months PP

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

I have always been worried about the day I would find out I was pregnant. Not because I didn’t want a baby or a joy in my life but I had always felt insecure about my weight. I come from a family where weight was a big issue and both me and my brother were little fat kids growing up. In high school, I changed that and lost 80 pounds and felt wonderful. I met my husband and we dated. Throughout our relationship, he had never had to worry about weight but I did and I failed. I ballooned back up from stress, a sit down job, and falling back into habits. I am 6’0 tall and I was down to 209 (which was skinny for me) and now pregnant at 260 pounds. We got married 7 months ago and I am now 4 months pregnant. I am so glad that the “nightmares” I had about pregnancy and weight gain are steady for now. Knowing my mom had gained 70 pounds in a pregnancy scared me. I have actually taken this opportunity to get healthier with foods and not being able to eat a whole lot now has allowed me to loose 13 pounds (of course not by choice). I am to the point where I am getting depressed about my body even more since my belly is pulling forward more and that has always been an insecurity anyways. My clothes are limited now and it is hard to be a plus sized pregnant woman. As if I didn’t already have a hard time shopping for clothes, now it’s even more selected in what I can buy. My husband is one who keeps me going because he has never judged me or made fun of me and especially now, emotionally, any little thing can make or brake me. I would love to share photos but I can only tell I have a “baby bump” when I am laying down so maybe in my further months I would love to share. I am trying to make the best of this and give myself the opportunity to prep myself and my family for a better and healthier life style. It may sound odd, but I think I have gained a motivation to do better with my health now that I am pregnant and I would love to finish my weight loss goal and this time, FINISH. I am hoping my little baby will be my inspiration.

Disgusting Stomach, But I Was Blessed with a Beautiful Daughter (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 16 Comments

I’m 27, 1 Pregnancy (so far) and 1 Birth, Daughter will be 3 in May

I am working on being happy with my body. It was extremely hard for me at first. Pre-pregnancy I was a bikini model and I never had to work on my stomach very hard and I could eat what I wanted. The last two weeks of my pregnancy I got stretch marks. After giving birth to my daughter, I was left with a very saggy, stretch mark covered stomach. For months, I covered up my stomach from my husband. I had gone from a bikini model body to a disgusting blob of fat that I called my stomach. I gained 45 lbs during my pregnancy but lucky enough I was able to lose all but 10 lbs pretty quick. However, the disgusting stretch marks never went away. They have lightened up some but I still can’t stand for my husband to see my stomach. He loves me no matter what and we are blessed with a beautiful daughter that made it all worth it. I’ve changed my swimsuit style and my clothing style a little but overall, I’ve learned to be happy with myself. We are working on baby #2 so I’m sure my struggles will start all over after the birth of our next one. All worth it though!

First picture is from about 2 1/2 yrs after my daughter’s birth and the second picture was about a month ago, almost 3 yrs after her birth.

8 Months PP (Renee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 6 Comments

Previous post here.
Age 24
~1 baby boy, 8 months old
Pre pregnancy 135lbs, @ Pregnancy 192lbs, After birth 162lbs, 8months PP 150-154lbs.

I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone for all there comments and support. It has been about 5 months since I have posted last. I still am not the happiest person and i am still not satisfied with my body. I am however thankful for my healthy baby boy and the fact that things could be a lot worse. Well since I posted last I did go to the gym for a month and lost close to 12lbs but for some reason no more weight will fall off. It does make me mad and frustrated that I cant loose anymore weight. I have kinda gotten use to my squeeshy belly but it makes me sad to see it when i bend over or sit down. I hope that it gets better in time.

1-6: Pics of me 8 Month PP
Pic 7: Me Dressed
Pic 8: My Baby boy

Loving Myself (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Having my son was the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me in a million ways, but unfortunately it changed my body too. I was slightly overweight when I found out I was pregnant, and I wasn’t happy with my body to begin with. I’ve always struggled with my self esteem and diet, I was at my heaviest weight (166) the day I saw the two pink lines. When I delivered I was almost 230lbs. I didn’t FEEL like I was that big, because I was “all belly” or so I thought. I ate well when I was pregnant, but I ate much more than I needed to and I didn’t do any kind of exercise at all. My son was 9lbs 8oz at birth and just perfect. I wanted to breastfeed so I didn’t consider cutting calories or anything like that until he was 3 months or so and I knew my supply was going strong. I didn’t want to exercise because I read that it can make your breast milk taste sour and the baby will reject you (not sure if that’s true). I was miserable with my body though and felt so insecure and ugly. I have stretch marks all over my hips and stomach, down my thighs and the backs of knees. I started trying to work out but I was so out of shape and tired all the time that I would just give up. As I started moving my son into solid foods, I started reading more about nutrition- I decided to become a vegan. I wanted to be healthier and treat my body right- and then I started losing weight. It felt really encouraging. I went from 180 to 170lbs in the first month and fluctuated in the 160s for a while. I got pneumonia in the fall and lost 20lbs, it was awful. I was so sick I could barely walk or care for my son, even for weeks after I was ‘better’ I was so weak. I weighed 140lbs but as I started eating better and gaining my strength back I gained more weight. I’ve started doing yoga and walking more, and now my weight is around 147lbs but I feel strong and healthy. I’d like to ‘tone up’ my wiggly parts but I fear my stomach may be a lost cause. My son is 14 months now and he’s learning about body parts, his favorite is the belly button, and he waddles up to me and sticks his fingers in my belly button all the time. He thinks the squishy weird texture of my stomach is great, so I don’t mind it that much. The only people who see my stomach are my son and my fiance and they both love me. My fiance supports my weight loss/toning goals, but he makes me feel beautiful all the time anyway. Things are so different now from a year ago- my body is healed and my confidence is up. I know my body isn’t going to be the same as it was (especially my boobs, I miss them! They were so perky and small) but I feel so proud to have brought a life into this world, and I know it sounds kind of corny and cliched but my body is amazing for doing that. I don’t beat myself up for the things I can’t change. I found this website when I was pregnant and I remember thinking that I would never be comfortable or happy enough with my body to post, but here I am posting my “success”- which after everything it turns out it’s not related to my body at all, it just means that I am happy and I love myself!

Picture Info: 1+2: 12 weeks pregnant
3: 6 months pregnant
4-6: 5 months pp (170lbs)
7-9: today (147lbs)

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 son, he is 14 months old

Wondering if I’ll ever be able to wear a bikini again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 33 Comments

I’m 20 years old, almost 21 and I use to be 110 pounds and very confident. I gave birth 10 months ago and I feel quite depressed about my body. I don’t fit into any of my old clothes, I am 20 pounds heavier than what I use to be. I want to enjoy this summer with my beautiful son but I am afraid of wearing shorts or anything not baggy. Everyone use to tell me to give it 9 months to get back to your old self well I see no difference. My boobs have sagged, I have stretch marks on my hips and underneath my butt. I see celebrities get back to being perfect after 3 months… yet I can’t seem to even with dieting and exercising…. hopefully someday

20 years old
1 Pregnancy 1 birth
10 month old baby and 10 months pp

On My Way (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Will I ever be 100% comfortable with my body? When I was a child I had nicknames like stick. As I got older my woman body started to develop. I got breast and a nice, round bum. I was always so self-conscious about it. It became what I was known for, my bum and I hated it. I became pregnant with my son when I was 22 years old. I never felt so beautiful in my ENTIRE life. I loved the way I looked, the shiny hair, the beautiful bump and I was one of the lucky ones who never really got stretch marks until near the end of my pregnancy. I loved being pregnant but I couldn’t wait to meet my little boy. He was born on October 8th 2010. Giving birth was one of the most amazing accomplishments I have ever done in my entire life. Now being almost 5 months post-partum my body image and outlook took a complete nose-dive. I am working on trying to have a positive body image but as you all probably know, it isn’t easy. I swear to you EVERY part of my body got bigger after giving birth. My shoes, jeans, shirts, underwear, bras all don’t fit anymore. I would do almost anything to get back that body I was so self-conscious about before. I have a saggy belly and breasts and the cellulite on my bum and thighs is horrific. I am 20lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant. I am lucky to have a partner who stills tells me how beautiful I am, even if I don’t feel like it and hopefully one day, I will believe him again. I am a VENUS! ?

Age:23
#of pregnancies – 1
#of births – 1
4.5 months post-partum