Child Loss

Something Occurs to Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 4 Comments

4 pregnancies 1 miscarriage and 3 births.
Ages of children: 4 years, 15 months, 2 weeks old.

Having posted on here about 4 years ago after the birth of my daughter (Michaela Marks) I thought I’d revisit the site to hopefully encourage others.

I now have 3 children in total (see above), and, at the age of 37, I AM DONE!! Lol.

Like many of you, I struggled from my teen years to love my body. I did the whole thing: Anorexia, self loathing, social paranoia, trying to cover up stretch marks with clothes, makeup or self tanning cream. Tried loads of “stretchmark remedies” none of which ever worked: the only thing they work to do is give you a great way to waste your money while providing false hope – not a great investment I’ve decided. Lol. ;p

I was never “overweight” – maybe 10 or 15 lbs ever at the most – but I had stretchmarks from a very early age – purely caused by growth spurts going through puberty. Some on the back of my legs, hips, my whole backside is covered in the rascally little things. Then, when I got pregnant, my once beautiful, spotless, toned tummy got a bunch of stretchmarks too. What are you going to do though eh? Like I said … I’ve never been overweight – even through my pregnancies, so really … there was nothing I could have done to prevent any of it. (If you want to see pics, visit my link above).

I rubbed all the useless creams on: Bio-Oil, Palmers Cocoa Cream, some other stuff I can’t remember the name of – at $100 a bottle, it would be nice to remember the name: Denevoux or something like that – all products were a waste of time.

Now, here I stand, 2 weeks after the birth of my third child and I’m about 5’8 and 15 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight of 133. I’ll get back there – I’m not worried about it. I would post new pictures of what I look like now, but I’m too lazy to get the camera and upload them. Sufficed to say, that my tummy is a little more devastated then it was after the first baby … but at least I still have a stomach! It helps when I want to consume mass quantities of See’s Chocolate Bordeauxs. Lol. Mmmmm. Slurp!

The reason I write now though is because, in my ripe old age of 37 (lol), something occurs to me: What my body looks like really doesn’t matter.

I mean, really – who cares?

Who cares besides me?

And why do I want to waste my time self obessessing when I can use my energies and point them outwards onto other people like my children, my husband, my extended family, my friends, others who may be in need and can use my help?

With all the suffering, pain and hardships in the world – do I really want to spend even one minute of my time sweating what I look like physically? Especially when I am healthy and able bodied, and have been blessed with wonderful kids, family and friends? How self defeating and what a waste of time that would be – what a waste of time it IS for so many of us women who live in the Western world and allow ourselves to be distracted, on a daily basis, by things that ultimately really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

For example, thinking about it, the most beautiful, life filled, giving, caring person I know is an Aunt of mine whose body also happens to suffer the ravages of child birth. But when I think about her, I don’t think about her body – I think about how her existence is such a positive influence on those around her. How, to many people, she is the most amazing person they know – just due to her giving heart and her willingness to offer love and help to all around her. She is other people centered – not self centered.

This is what I want to be like too.

I am not perfect. Even if I were “perfect” I wouldn’t be perfect – not in this world. Salvador Dali said: “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it”.

We just all need to stop self obssessing and get on with life. Just get on with it. Instead of spending time in front of the mirror lamenting what “once was” – we should spend that time working for charity, or taking our children to the park, or teaching our daughters how to make a difference in the world through their loving actions towards others and not because of what they may, or may not, look like physically.

We all have fantastic potential and influence as mothers. Frankly, for me, if someone doesn’t like my stretchmarks, or belly button (which now looks more like the mouth of a wide mouthed bass than a belly button lol), those people can go “Pound Sand”. Seriously … I don’t have time for nonsense like that. I’ve got children to raise, I’ve got people to love on, I’ve got work to do, I don’t have time to worry about nonsense.

What are we going to be remembered for anyways? When it’s all said and done? We’re going to be remembered for how we affected people; we are going to be remembered for the type of people that we are/were. I’ve never seen a eulogy which stated things like: “And after having 3 kids … she had a PERFECT body”. Nope … that doesn’t happen (because having a perfect body is something that just really doesn’t matter) …

Love yourselves and your children – don’t sweat the small stuff. Get to work! :) Peace and love to you all.

Three Years Later – Almost (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

Age: 24 (25 in August)
Pregnancies: 3 (2 births, 1 miscarriage)
Childrens Ages: Rayden 6 & Cairo 2 (3 on June 23)
Post Partum: 2 years 11 months

Almost 3 years ago I gave birth to my daughter, and my last child. The last 3 years have been nothing short of amazing and wonderful. I have finally began to rediscover myself and learn on a deeper level who I am aside from being a mother.
I began having kids at such a young age that I never really had a chance to find out who I was, so my new journey of self discovery and meaning has been miraculous and very much a beautiful gift. Although there have been many highs, there have also been lows.
Not even 3 months after having our daughter, my husband and I decided he would have a vasectomy. At the time it seemed the best decision and one we were happy and content with. After being blessed with our 2 children, and suffering 1 miscarriage, it seemed appropriate and a good decision. However, in the last 6 months I have come to realize that our decision had been made to hastily and under the wrong conditions. Our daughter, Cairo, was a very difficult baby. I was running on nearly zero sleep and my hormones were going ballistic. My husband was also in the same boat as me. He was currently laid off from work and was spending every minute with me and our children and was suffering just as much emotionally and mentally as I was. So the decision to have a vasectomy, I believe, was made out of fear and at the completely wrong time.
I now feel that all I want is to have another baby, or at least try. I am, however, torn because of my self discovery. I want to go out into the world and find a job, a career, become a member of society in a way I never have been. We have finally got our feet on the ground and have found a groove we work well within. And I know having another baby would not only turn our world upside down, but it would take just as long, if not longer, to find our groove again. And I was told after my daughter that another pregnancy would not be best on my body. Medically I am not the best candidate for multiple pregnancies, which my body has also proven to me aside from all the doctors.
I am unsure where my husband stands on the situation. But he has began talking about how he “doesn’t feel that we are done having kids”. He believes that in time, despite his vasectomy, that I will become pregnant again. I’m not sure if that is his way of voicing his feelings about it, or if he does just truly feel that if it is meant to be, than it will be.
Either way I leave it in God’s hands. I do believe if it should be than it will be.
I love my family, my babies, and the life we have created together. I look forward to our future, and what awaits us.

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions 3 Comments

I am a (almost) 50 year old woman. I have had 6 pregnancies, resulting in 4 live births and 2 very late (mid second trimester) miscarriages. My “babies” are now aged from 19 up to 25.

When I started having my children in the mid-80s I was considered to be slightly overweight (5-9 and 165lbs), after I had my first daughter (1986) I was 5’9 and (185) – try as I might I never lost that weight and was made to feel such a failure because of it. Forget that I was successfully breastfeeding this gorgeous little creature that I had successfully made and given birth to, all that was concentrated on was “getting back to normal” with absolutely no regard that – for me – “normal” would have to be redefined as I was now a mother and had done something amazing.

Let’s fastforward some 7 years and 3 more children (and 1 of those miscarriages) later and I gained another 5lbs with each of the pregnancies. EVERYBODY and I mean everybody was soooo concerned with how I looked – my own Mother was constantly nagging at me to “get back into shape” (forgetting the fact that she NEVER had!). I began to consider myself totally worthless.

I felt an absolute failure, all of my friends seemed to be able to do it and I couldn’t. I guess that started the terrible relationship with food that I have to this day. 20 years down the line and 1 Gastric by-pass later, I’m once again 165 and now I look at myself in the mirror and think “Ok, so not so good naked but GREAT clothed!” lol.

I really think that had I realised 25 years ago that it doesn’t all “go back to ‘normal'” and that I should redefine normal I’d have felt far less pressured.

I think younger women should realise that this is something that has been happening for generations – It’s great that women are becoming more open with each other.

With today’s scattered families, frequently we can’t ask our parents (I live in a different country from my parents) so we have to learn from other women.

Where is my Self-Confidance? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

I am 24 years old. I have two children, 2 1/2 and 9 months old now. I met my husband back in 2007, he deployed for a year and then we began dating in July 2008. After three months we moved in together and after 8 months I was pregnant. It was unplanned as I was on birth control. I in no way will ever regret being pregnant at a young age. I had to give up college & much a of a social life but it was all worth it.

I had a massive weight gain with my first pregnancy, starting weight 138 and the day I gave birth I was 200 pounds. I had Preeclampsia by the end of my pregnancy and was induced 2 weeks early. 12 hours of labor and my baby girl was here. I’ll never forget that day.

Weight coming off with my first pregnancy seemed easy, I tried breast feeding for a month which I think helped in my weight loss. By a month with no working out, just eating right and drinking plenty of water, I lost 35 pounds of my baby weight. Then another 10 more pounds when I started working out a month before my wedding, which was just 5 months after the birth of my daughter. After my wedding, I just kind of let my body go. My husband loved my body, and I didn’t look awful but I still felt i did. Most depressing thing is having a baby who is 5 months old looking like i gave birth yesterday and then seeing a mom who is a tooth pick with a newborn. I guess some women are lucky?

My husband and I decided we wanted our children close together and so we started trying when my daughter was 6 months old. Nothing happened for months….but then tragically I lost my father when my daughter was 10 months old and for a month I just got depressed, lost hope of getting pregnant, knowing my father wouldn’t be here to see any more grandchildren.

When my daughter was a year old my husband and I discovered I was pregnant! We were so happy, I felt like it was a blessing from god. My depression got better, I accepted the death of my father and lived life as much as we possibly could as a family.

My weight gain with my second pregnancy was much less than with my first. I was 160 when I got pregnant with the second and when I gave birth to my son I weighed 195. The day I gave birth to my son, my mom couldn’t be there with me because she had to put my grandma into hospice who was diagnosed with cancer a month before my Dad passed away. So my depression just seemed to sky rocket. Not having my Dad with me, not having my Mom by my side and soon to be losing my only grandma left.

Two weeks passed and my grandma lost her battle with cancer.

Maybe I am a just weak minded person, I never thought I was. Depression took over me…at my 6 week check up my husband came with and unknowingly told my dr. that I was battling with depression and I needed something to help. I have always been strong and felt that taking depression pills made me weak, unstable and psycho.

It took a good month before I noticed a change.

I shouldn’t use my depression as an excuse to why I haven’t lost a lot of weight or fixed my body but I am so ashamed of how I look that I hate going out of the house. I don’t like being around old friends who haven’t gone through the childbearing process.

I have never been okay with the way I look, my sister called me fat all the time while growing up and sadly it has just stuck with me. My sister weighs less than 100 pounds and she also had a baby. So seeing her being so skinny a week after she had her son makes me feel horrible.
After my son was born, I got the implanon birth control. I in no way wanted to get pregnant until I have finished college and could fully help my husband support our family.

I was on it for four months, depression worsened, headaches were awful, and I had my period for 4 straight months. My husband and I had no sex life which was hurting our marriage by the day. I decided enough was enough and I was getting it out. A week later I felt amazing, my period stopped, my sex drive sky rocketed and my husband and I got a long amazingly and still do to this day.

We used condoms ever time we had sex, one night we didn’t have one and used the stupid pull out method…..which resulted in my getting pregnant with our “3rd Child”

We were shocked, scared and many other things. We weren’t financially ready to have another or mentally ready. Children take a lot of time work etc…..

After accepting we were having another, we started thinking of names, etc. I was 9 weeks pregnant and started cramping and spotting, called the dr. knowing it wasn’t normal.

Went in for blood work and ultrasound. Seeing the baby, I knew something wasn’t right, it was measuring 6 weeks when I was actually 9. So we had to meet with the dr. She told us we were going to miscarry. We were devastated, it’s been two weeks & I am still going through the miscarriage. I hope to be done soon.

I’ve been tired, feeling depressed, feeling I look disgusting….. I want to feel better soon.

9 months later after the birth of my son, I weigh 164. My goal is to weigh 140 again…. I have been walking/running which makes my days so much better.

This website gave me so much encouragement to face my body. Seeing other mothers in this world who struggle with the same body issues has made me feel better about myself, that I am not a lone. Thank you to all!

Nobody knows beauty until they have created children :)

I should add that before I had kids my bra size was 36 b now after two kids I wear a 36 DD…. That itself is hard to deal with, my boobs aren’t feeling young and perky anymore

Age: 24
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Daughter is 2 1/2
Son is 9 months
9 Months pp
Vaginal Births, cellulite & some stretch marks

1st Picture: Me the summer before getting pregnant ( Brunette in black swim suit) Thought I was fat then.
2nd Picture: Me on the left the month I got pregnant (138 pounds)
3rd Picture: 5 months after my first child was born, my wedding day 150 pounds.
4th Picture: Me with my daughter 6 months after she was born
5th Picture: My stomach and thighs today 165 pounds
6th Picture: My breasts & stomach today
7th and 8th Pictures: Side views of my stomach
9th Picture: Thighs.

My stretch marks are worse on one side than the other. I have tried everything they make for stretch marks and nothing has helped. I do not tan anymore which I am sure helps with them looking less visible?

Overcoming PPD & Learning to Accept My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Number of pregnancies: 4, number of live births: 2, age of children: 9 & 18 months

I would like to start out by saying thank you for your website. What an absolute blessing it was for me to happen across it. I am 28 years old and a proud mom to a 9 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. I have a “big boned” body which basically means I don’t look the weight that I am. I currently weigh 220 lbs, size 16 jeans and size 42 DD bra.

With that said, I got married and pregnant at the age of 18 when I weighed 140 lbs and when I gave birth at the age of 19 I weighed 180 lbs. I divorced his father when he was the age my daughter is now. His father does not care to be in his life and after being a single mother for 2 years I met the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. At the beginning of the relationship I weighed 160 lbs. About a year into the relationship I was up to 180 lbs and it is around this time he began to see other women. Although I knew of his affairs I desperately wanted a child with him as well as a dad for my son. I became pregnant twice. Both ended in miscarriages at around 12-15 weeks. After the miscarriages he began to treat me horribly. He broke me down mentally and I hated myself. About 5 years into the relationship I broke it off. Once again I was a single mom. I worked hard to lose weight and got down to 160 lbs.. I joined a local church and began to build my relationship with the Lord. About 2 months after I joined the church I began dating a man who was also a member. He was 21, I was 26 and we found out we were expecting a child after 4 months of dating. He was extremely excited as well as his family. We were soon engaged. He was by my side throughout the entire pregnancy. I weighed 250 lbs when I gave birth and our daughter weighed 10 lbs 4 oz. He was the first one to hold our daughter and he was the first person to change her diaper. He is a wonderful father to our daughter and to my son. I am just getting over PPD and it has been very hard. He has been through it all with me and he loves my body no matter how big or small I am but for me it has been very difficult. Right after I had my son I bounced back to 140 lbs, was tone, fit and had teenager boobs still. But I was 19, this time I was 26. I am now 220 lbs and have never been this big in my life. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror I teared up. I hated the way I look which in turn made me feel terrible which in turn made me unpleasant for my family to be around me. I want to lose weight but I am a stay at home mom running after a VERY active 18 month old toddler so working out is at the bottom of my “to do” list. So I am coming to terms with my looks and now when I see my reflection in the full length mirror when I get out of the shower I smile because I know that my body is a temple and has housed 4 miracles, two who are angels and two who are running around in the living room laughing and playing. My fiance loves me like no one ever has and I am learning, from him, how to love myself.

I hope my stories and pictures can help someone the way that others have helped me. We are ALL beautiful no matter what our skin looks like…our children are worth every bump, stretch mark, flap and sag our body has endured.

Pic #1: 7 months pregnant with baby #2
Pic #2: 9 months pregnant with baby #2
Pic #3: 18 months pp from baby #2 (side)
Pic #4: 18 months pp from baby #2 stretch marks
Pic #5: 18 months pp from baby #2

Unlovely: Round Three (Mir)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 2 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 29
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Children: 4-years-old & 1-year-old

I last posted here in August 2009. A lot has happened–that’s how it tends to go in life. I lost a lot of weight but the saggy/baggy tummy I had never went away no matter how more fit and thin I got. In the spring of 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. It was awful. For some reason, my sense of self–especially my body concept was really affected by that miscarriage. My husband and my relationship was not going well and I was so desperate for someone to tell me that I was beautiful that I got into some things I soon regretted. Thankfully, there is forgiveness and we’ve moved on from that time. But, it still was and is painful. I got pregnant again in the summer of 2010 and my daughter was born in the spring of 2011. It was a much easier pregnancy and birth with a lot less post-partum depression. But, here I am with the same darn saggy/baggy tummy. It doesn’t shatter my world as much as it once did but I really am seriously considering a tummy tuck and breast lift after I’m done breastfeeding my daughter. My husband really wants to have more children but I don’t want to wait to get my body back. So, I am not sure what’s going to happen with that. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so sad about the state of my belly. I’ve been in pilates 3 times a week for the past 6 months and have gotten a lot stronger and healthier but still my stomach shows no difference. Just makes me feel like crying. Sometimes I just feel really unlovely and unlovable. I’m only 29 but my body looks so terrible. I guess I’m just afraid to inherit my mother’s body. She always hated her saggy/baggy tummy–she had a lot more extra weight than I have, though. I don’t want to be old before my time and that’s exactly what my tummy looks like to me.

Me & My Body Against The World! (Amber Gallant)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

My Name – Amber Gallant of Motherhood, Etc.
Age – 23
Pregnancies – 3
Births – 1 – Conor Kaige, 5 years old, via cesarean section.
1 year postpartum, technically.

When I was 17 years old, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared but I knew I wanted to be a mother more than anything, so my journey began.
At 21 weeks, I was diagnosed via ultrasound with Incompetent Cervix and rushed into MacMaster Children’s Hospital for emergency surgery. My cervix was funnelling and dilating, and I was having silent contractions. If I hadn’t had the ultrasound to determine the sex of my baby (a beautiful little boy) I would have lost him forever. Incompetent Cervix has no signs, and the only way doctors can diagnose it normally is by a previous loss. I am grateful every day that they caught mine when they did, and that they were able to successfully place a cerclage (a big ass stitch in my cervix to keep it shut tight and keep baby in!). I was put on strict bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was unable to do more than go to and from appointments, use the bathroom and make a snack. At 17, my entire life was my baby. I gained 45 lbs over my entire pregnancy, weighing in at 165 lbs when I went in for my scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. My little man was breech.

After I had him, I struggled with post partum depression. I was convinced I was a terrible mother, but at the same time I tried and tried to convince myself and others in every way that I was more than just a “teen mom”. My thoughts were, they all already think I’m going to fail so I have to do everything within my power to prove them wrong. Which meant that i never asked for help when I needed it, fought for months with severe exhaustion due to my sons monstrous colic, and barely ate. I easily went back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but that didn’t make my stretch marks any better. I couldn’t wear a bikini or a belly top of any of the cute styles other girls my age were wearing because I had a big scar, flabby stomach and stretch marks everywhere. I had them all over my boobs, my thighs, my butt, my stomach, my sides, even my calves. Big, deep, purple stretch marks that made me even more self conscious than I had been previously. But, I had a baby to raise and I kept on keeping on. Eventually, I met my husband, the love of my life. We got married and I got pregnant, and we were happy.

I was worried about gaining the weight back, but he reassured me that he would love me no matter what.

When I lost baby Caithrin at 15 weeks, even with the stitch (it was due to placental abruption), we were devastated. I was so angry at the world, and even more angry at my body. I felt that as a woman I should be able to do what I was meant to do, create life, and since I wasn’t able to do that and my body KILLED my baby that I was worthless. I slipped into a deep depression for a short time, but with my husbands help we made it through and had hope for another pregnancy and a healthy, full term baby.

After a year of trying to conceive again, we finally became pregnant! I had good vibes all around about this baby, and we did everything right. I took it very easy, had my cerclage placed at 13 weeks and everything was fine. We even decided to purchase a beautiful bassinet that we found because it was antique and I fell in love with it. It was pure bliss. We were going to be parents, I was going to have a baby with the man I love and everything was wonderful again!

When I started bleeding in the middle of the night at 18.5 weeks, I was rushed into the hospital yet again. After a week of hospital bed rest, I delivered my son Lucas. He was so tiny, and they asked if I wanted to hold him but I couldn’t do it. I was exhausted from enduring a painful four hour labor to deliver a dead baby, and I just wanted to sink into the ground and never open my eyes again.

I became very depressed again and gained a ton more weight, including the weight that I gained during my pregnancy. I used food as a crutch to make myself feel better, and it ended up making me feel worse. For the past few months I have been easing myself into a much healthier lifestyle, I eat right and exercise every day, I jog three times a week and I am finally at peace with my body. It may not be able to make any more babies, and it may be all marked up and imperfect from everything I have been through but it’s a beautiful, strong body. A body that has gone through major surgery, 4 spinal epidurals in 6 years, 3 cervical stitches, a massive blood transfusion that was crucial to keep me alive, numerous needles and medications and tests is a body that deserves to be celebrated. I’m not saying I don’t have bad days, I certainly do, but they are getting fewer and fewer. I am learning to love my body for what it is, and what I want it to become.

After all of this, my husband and I have decided not to try for any more children. We have our five year old son, who my husband treats just as he would his own son, we have four crazy pets including a Jack Russell Terrier who is convinced she IS my baby, and we are a happy family. It’s not worth the pain and stress for us to keep trying, and although it took us a long time to get here we have come to terms with the fact that a baby just isn’t in the cards for us. My son was my miracle, and he is enough.
Thank you for listening to my story :)

This is what my body looks like today, 5 years after my first full term pregnancy and 1 year after the loss of my last baby.
This first picture showing my face is before I started working out and running.
The others are to show how my stretch marks and belly look today. You can see the stretch marks on my butt in the last one. I am very self conscious of those and still cannot wear a bathing suit comfortably. Please excuse my dirty mirror, I’m much too busy taking nude pictures to clean today ;)

Taking One Day at a Time (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 14 Comments

Previous post here.

AGE:23
POSTPARTUM: 24MONTHS
PREGNANCIES: 1

Taking one day at a time. This has been the only way I have been able to move forward after giving birth to my daughter, who was stillborn, 24 months ago. Since I last submitted to SOAM things have changed. After issues with my husband and a short separation we have been trying to work things out. One thing good did come out of our separation though. I finally returned to college and work realizing that I didn’t want to rely on anyone to “take care” of me. I had been struggling with doing anything since I lost my daughter and our situation gave me the motivation I needed to take a step back into living. Now to my main reason for giving an update, I have officially lost 100+ pounds since I gave birth. I am so proud of myself for being able to accomplish this. No my body isn’t ANYTHING like it was before getting pregnant but I’m learning to accept my new body. The body that grew life inside for 9 months & the body that has gone through such a transformation from gaining and losing all the weight that I have. Losing the weight hasn’t only made me look better but feel better about myself and most of all has showed me that I can accomplish anything if I work hard enough for it.

“I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy.” (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 20 Comments

Previous posts:
Missing my baby boy and expecting my second.
5 Weeks PP Second Baby
2.5 Months Postpartum, Second Cesarean in 2.5 Years
6 Months PP Update
15 Months PP Update
I Need Some Help

Age: 25
Pregnancies & Births: 2 pregnancies and 2 cesareans
How far pp: Connor would be 5.5 and Liam is 2.10

You hear it all the time. It is the most popular pregnancy conversation: “Do you want a boy or a girl?”, “I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy.”. For some reason this actually bothers me. Do I understand why we as mothers want our children to be healthy? Of course I do! However, children with challenges; whether it be a cleft palate, a heart condition, down syndrome, Marshall Smith syndrome, or cystic fibrosis; are the most perfect children. They are happy, strong, amazing little bundles of joy. It is an honor to bring these miracles into the world. Of course all babies are miracles, but these children are even more so. It is a miracle in itself that they survived pregnancy and birth! Connor may not have been healthy, but he was most certainly perfect! This is what I used to say when I was pregnant with Connor’s brother, Liam…”I don’t care what I have, as long as it’s happy.”. Isn’t this what really matters in life? We all strive for happiness. This is why we find love, get married, have children, pick jobs that we love, want to make good money…it is all to be happy. Most special needs children do not even need to try for this. Look around, now many depressed down syndrome children do you know? They are happy, they are loved, and they are miracles. So, I ask you to do this…the next time someone asks you what you want, tell them, “I don’t care, as long as it’s happy!”…this will make them look at the growing inside of them in a whole different light :)