I am a (almost) 50 year old woman. I have had 6 pregnancies, resulting in 4 live births and 2 very late (mid second trimester) miscarriages. My “babies” are now aged from 19 up to 25.
When I started having my children in the mid-80s I was considered to be slightly overweight (5-9 and 165lbs), after I had my first daughter (1986) I was 5’9 and (185) – try as I might I never lost that weight and was made to feel such a failure because of it. Forget that I was successfully breastfeeding this gorgeous little creature that I had successfully made and given birth to, all that was concentrated on was “getting back to normal” with absolutely no regard that – for me – “normal” would have to be redefined as I was now a mother and had done something amazing.
Let’s fastforward some 7 years and 3 more children (and 1 of those miscarriages) later and I gained another 5lbs with each of the pregnancies. EVERYBODY and I mean everybody was soooo concerned with how I looked – my own Mother was constantly nagging at me to “get back into shape” (forgetting the fact that she NEVER had!). I began to consider myself totally worthless.
I felt an absolute failure, all of my friends seemed to be able to do it and I couldn’t. I guess that started the terrible relationship with food that I have to this day. 20 years down the line and 1 Gastric by-pass later, I’m once again 165 and now I look at myself in the mirror and think “Ok, so not so good naked but GREAT clothed!” lol.
I really think that had I realised 25 years ago that it doesn’t all “go back to ‘normal'” and that I should redefine normal I’d have felt far less pressured.
I think younger women should realise that this is something that has been happening for generations – It’s great that women are becoming more open with each other.
With today’s scattered families, frequently we can’t ask our parents (I live in a different country from my parents) so we have to learn from other women.
3 thoughts on “(Anonymous)”
Thank you for this post! I hope to learn from your wisdom and experience – I will reread your words often, attempt to redefine normal and not always listen to my mother!
Thank you! :)
Here, here!!! I am lucky to have a wise mother. She told me right away, yes you might loss some weight, no you won’t look the same, but if you live sleep and live in your bra you’ve got a fighting chance of saving your cleveage! lol.