I am a 22 year old mother of 3, soon to be 4. I am now 20 wks preganant. I am having very mixed emotions. This is my seventh pregnancy. I was 14 when i miscarried twins. i had my oldest daughter at 16, she is now 5. My second is 4 and my youngest just made 1. Yes, all girls!!! But they are so beautiful and fun. They were all born by c-section. I am a little bitter about that becuase my doctor never really let me know why my first was scheduled i was only a day overdue and i didn’t even get the chance to be induced. I have had a total of 3 miscarrages, one which was ectopic( where my left tube was removed). So I have been cut in the same spot four times already. i am really scared about having a fourth c-section being that my youngest will only be 18 months on my scheduled delivery date. i know every womans body is different, but I hemmoraged with my last. i am soo worried right now. I actually contemplated getting an abortion. My kids father wasn’t really supportive of having another child at the begining because he believes that i am already stressed out and he worries that he will be left to take care of our three daughters if something were to go wrong. But I just want to believe that this is all part of God’s plan for me. I can’t honestly say that i am excited because we are having financial problems and our house is going into foreclosure. My husband really doesn’t keep a steady job and he isn’t really much help when it comes to domestic duties. i am trying hard not to stress out but i can’t help it. i really love my girls they are so beautiful and talented but i cry when i think of losing them. I know I probably sound dramatic but with my last they told me not to have anymore only i was too young to get my tubes tide. i feel so lost right now i feel like i can’t control my emotions. I don’t want to say that i am depressed but i don’t feel like myself these days. It’s really as though I don’t even know who I am. My whole life is centered around my kids i don’t go out, i’ve never been to a club and i don’t have friends. Don’t get me wrong dress-up and tea parties are going to always be great but i just want to know who I am outside of being a good mother. It doesn’t help that people constanly tell me how I look 16 and I’m only a baby what am i doing with all these babies. But I don’t regret them. I just want to define myself outside of my house. I just feel so alone. Does anyone have any type of advice for me?
Child Loss
Finally feel like a woman! (Erin)
I always felt like I wasn’t very feminine looking – my breasts were small, my body thin… I didn’t feel like a woman at all – until I had my children (2 daughters, now aged 3 and 16 months)… I actually wound up thinner, and with smaller breasts than before children, but I have now found new respect for my body, and it’s purpose! I’ve created two beautiful little beings (and breastfed both successfully), and that makes me as womanly as the next….
Photos are:
38 Weeks with my first….
38 weeks with my second….
Breastfeeding my second….
Me today….
~Your Age:24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies (1x miscarriage at 7wks) and 2 births – girls aged 3 and 16 months
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: As above.
Update – 20 months postpartum and I want another baby (Anonymous)
Your Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 20 months pp
Original entry here.
It has been 9 months since my previous post, and some things have happened. At 15 months we stopped breastfeeding. I’m still a little sad, I thought we would breastfeed longer than that but we gave my daughter whole milk after she turned 12 months and by 15 months she just wasn’t interested in me anymore. Once my milk dried up I noticed all of these little tiny white stretch marks surrounding my nipples. I hate them! My right boob has more than my left and they are bigger and deeper too. I think that is because she always preferred my right breast. I’m not happy with the way my boobs turned out at all! But on a positive note I am completely fine with the rest of my body. My tummy still sticks out a tiny bit but that’s okay. I have been running for 2 months now and I can really see a difference in my muscle tone! I also became pregnant shortly after we stopped nursing but at 5 weeks had a miscarriage. I would love to have another baby, I loved being pregnant and breastfeeding, but my husband wants to wait awhile. So right now I’m just trying to enjoy my body while I have it and hope in the next couple years we have another little one on the way!
3 photos of me and 2 of my boobs at 20 months postpartum.
Tif’s Story (Tif)
im 21
Second child
19 months PP
i had just gotten into college and was ready to have the time of my life. however i met this wonderful guy and it was love at first sight. i got pregnant soon after. i was scared. i knew that my parents would never accept it and i also knew that they would dis own me as well. well i guess the stress of it all cause me to lose my first baby. however i got pregnant again a few months later. as i predicted i was kicked out of my house and my entire family dis owned me, i had no contact with them. i suffered a nervous brake down and stopped attending my classes, so guess what , i was kicked out of school as well and lost all my scholarships. my BF, god bless him, decided that we should move in together. which we did. i must admit i had a very easy pregnancy, no morning sickness, nothing at all. all through the pregnancy i was like no strech marks, it wasnt until the last two weeks of pregnancy when they just appered all over my stomach. i was crushed. however i gave birth to a beautiful baby daughter no complications, in fact i was laughing throughout the labor and delivery, no lie. i was very happy to be a mother, but when i went home and saw the deflated thing that used to be my stomach and all the lines, i literally wanted to jump off a bridge, i am only 21, how can i go through the rest of my life looking like this? i can never wear a short shirt every again!!!! my BF is the one that kept me sane, in fact he tells me every day how sexy i am and that my marks are the marks of a REAL woman. i stll hate them no matter what he says. i stumbled across this site and saw that i am NOT alone. so i decided to share my story with you guys. this is what i look like now after 19 months, with out really working out.
Feeling better about my body (George)
Age: 26
3 pregnancies, 1st was a extremely preamture vaginal birth, 2nd was a catastrophic c-section, 3rd one I lost.
My first girl should’ve been 9 years old now, she died almost 6 weeks old. My second girl is soon 6 years old, and I just lost my third child in the first trimester 3 weeks ago.
Because of this page, and all you wonderful mamas, I’m feeling better about my body.
Before I saw all the gorgeous pictures here, I was feeling quite bad about myself. Particularly my belly and c-section scar.
I had my first child just over 9 years ago, vaginal birth, but in week 23, she was 17.5 oz and 11.9 inches. Traumatic and dramatic birth, and I watched them work on her after she was out, intubate her etc. She lived for almost 6 weeks before she couldn’t go on anymore, due to critical and serious illnesses. Long, heartbraking weeks in the NICU with a very sick baby who was in pain a lot.
Loosing her was the total loss. I still wake at night because every cell in my body is screaming for her, screaming that one of the people I loved the most is gone. I miss her more than words can say. The pain and grief vibrates with amplifiers in my bone marrow.Still.
She is with me in my heart and thoughts every day. I love her more than anything.
My second child was born 6 years ago in november. She was born in week 30. That was a catastrophic c-section. She was out less than 10 minutes after I woke up bleeding heavily. She wasn’t breathing and didn’t have a heart rate when born. My placenta had ruptured totally. But they managed to bring her back to me. I am so greatful for that, every day. She was 2.6 lbs and 15.8 inches. I was very sick with HELLP-syndrome, and luckily in the hospital when this happened, or she wouldn’t have made it.
That was a very dramatic and traumatic birth, again. This time though, I was so sick, and lost so much blood, I almost died too.
We were both very critical the first few days.
I didn’t get to see my baby until she was 40 hours old. I don’t even have the words to describe the pain in that.
She pulled through, came home after 7 weeks in the NICU. The next few years she struggled with a lot, they were filled with illness, hospitals, tests, doctors, meds etc.
But she’s doing great now.
My joy and pride, my beautiful, amazing, strong, miracle-girl. I love her more than anything.
Then I got pregnant again, and I was very happy about that. But this time, I lost my child, just three weeks ago, in the first trimester. I am sure she was a third girl. I’ve never felt so empty in my life, this emptiness is filling me up. I didn’t know that a loss like this could be so terrible, so painful.
I dreamed last night, that my baby was gone, and even in my sleep the pain was so real and so overwhelming.
I’m scared I wont be able to carry more babies.
I wanted this baby with all my heart. I miss her so terribly much.
So, that’s my story, longer than I thought it would be.
My contribution to the page.
It is kinda scary this, putting yourself out there like that.
But I’m hoping others can feel better from looking at this page too, so I’m going to do it.
Best wishes to all the beautiful mamas out there, and thanks a lot for this page!
27 weeks pregnant (Justine)
My body has been though alot in this past year, Dec 19th 2008 i found out i was pregnant i started to gain weight right away and knew it something wasnt right i wasnt suppost to have a gut at a month and a half!!, at 6 weeks i went in and there were 2 tiny little heartbeats on the screen, we were having twins!! we were so excited but 4 weeks later i had heavy bleeding and clotting and miscarried the babies, after i lost the twins the weight i put on just never went away, Charlie took it really hard and said he didnt want to try for any more kids for a few more years, i went back on my nuvaring and we started used spermicide to prevent another pregnancy, but April of 2009 i my period didnt come, and took a test and it came up saying “pregnant” i couldnt believe it to be honest,It wasnt the right time, it was right before charlie deployed and we honestly were at the verge of calling it quits, My (ex)husband Charlie wanted me to have a abortion and since i wouldnt we have decided to get divorced and are now legally seperated and the divorce will be final in november, he wants nothing to do with his daughter. But back to this pregnancy, I had severe hyperemesis for the first 5 months of my pregnancy i was admitted 4 times, had over 40 IVs in, at my worst i was down 27 lbs from my prepregnancy weight, i was taking about 15 pills a day just to be able to fuction. But at 23 weeks along the hyperemesis just went away, and i have gained 20 lbs since, (still down 7 from pregnancy weight) but my daughter is a healthy baby girl and is due december 19th, which is the one year mark from when i found out i was pregnant with her siblings, its pretty bittersweet that her due date marks that day. i have 2 light purple stretch marks and my timer has popped, my breasts went from a 32DD to now a 32G so i think about 5 lbs of my weight gain is in my boobs,they have gotten quiet saggy since i found out i was pregnant i was scheuduled to get a breast reduction in june and that is on standby until i stop breastfeeding, but it will still be done!
~Your Age: 19
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2nd pregnancy, 2 angel babies and 1 still in the womb
on my photos first one is prepregnancy, second is 21 weeks suffering from hyperemesis, 3rd and 4th are at 27 weeks pregnant.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
It’s a bit late for most of you by now, but I just came across this and wanted to share it anyway. This is a subject that comes up a lot here, and I wanted to share with all you mamas who’ve lost a child that I will be lighting a candle for you tonight and holding you in my heart. Blessings to you.
Missing my darling daughter, 15.5 weeks postpartum (Jillyn)
I have been meaning to take pictures and post on here for quite a while now, but with so much going on, i just haven’t found the inner strength or time.
When i was 20 weeks pregnant with our first child we had our first ultrasound and they found that i didn’t have any amniotic fluid. So a week later i finally had another ultrasound and the specialist fount that our baby had cysts in both their kidneys. He then told us our baby would not live. My husband and i were both devastated, but we decided to continue with the pregnancy and cherish every moment we had left with our child.
When i was about 28.5 weeks pregnant i ended up going to the ER for sever pain in my back. It turned out my kidney was inflamed and my growing uterus was causing it. They told me the only way to solve the problem would be to have our baby. The next day was my husbands college graduation and 2 days after that we were moving so we didn’t induce right away. After we were moved we set up an induction date for 2 weeks later because our 2 year wedding anniversary was going to be a week after we had moved.
They started the induction May 25th 2009 at 8pm when i was 32 weeks pregnant. On May 27th, 2009 at 5:17pm we gave birth to our daughter, Grace Carpi. She was so tiny, so perfect and angelic. The had been a frank breech so her little bum was all bruised, but other than that, she was just amazing. She weighed 2 lbs 14 oz and was 16 inches long. After she was born she tried to take a breath, she tried 6-8 times in the 10 minutes after she was born. But sadly, her lungs were not developed at all, so 10-15 minutes after she was born, she slipped away from us. She never let out a cry, never opened her eyes. The doctor has tried to tell us that she was a stillbirth, but after talking to other professionals and reading medical journals, we feel that our daughter indeed was alive and we will continue to fight for our right of a birth certificate.
I am 5’5″ and was 178 lbs before i was pregnant. I weighed 210-215 at the end of my pregnancy and now, 15.5 weeks postpartum i weigh 204-207 lbs. Because of my depression i feel it will take me a while go get down to my pre-pregnancy weight and even longer to get to my healthy weight (about 130-140 lbs). I got my first stretch mark at either 7w or 11w (i can’t remember) on my inner thigh. I got the ones on my stomach when i was 25 weeks pregnant. I also got more stretch marks on my hips and on my breasts. I went up a cup size during pregnancy, from a B to a C.
The last 15 and 1/2 weeks have been quite an emotional time for my husband and i. Not only did he just graduate from college, we moved, had our wedding adversary, gave birth to our daughter, buried our daughter, had my 22nd birthday, my husband left for orientation for a new job, we had a memorial for our daughter, went to talk to a panel of people at the hospital about receiving a birth certificate, and my husband left for 4 weeks of training for work. And during all of that we were and are still grieving the loss of our little girl. Some say we shouldn’t be a sad because we knew that she was going to die, but that doesn’t matter to us. We still lost our daughter, she still is not with us and we will miss her forever.
I am posting pictures of me before my pregnancy, at 28w 3d, at 32w (with Henna Tattoo from blessing way), pictures of Grace, and then pictures of me 15.5w postpartum and a picture of my first and worst stretch mark on my leg.
Updated here.
Two Blessings (Jess)
Age: 24
Pregnancies: 1
Children: 2
I was told round 20 years old that I would not be able to have children. Then at 23 I had some further complications and the Dr’s did a surgery to remove massive growths on my ovaries and told me it was a long shot, but if I wanted to try and have children now was the time. Within two months I was pregnant. I went in at 8 weeks with heavy bleeding and tissue… I thought I had miscarried, they did an immediate ultrasound and said “There is heartbeat A, and there is heartbeat B…” My husbands mouth dropped and I just laughed. Come to find out I had had a miscarriage (I was preggo with triplets) but still had two healthy heartbeats! We were ecstatic! The first 20 weeks my pregnancy were great, I was working out, had only gained about 16lbs and really looked good (so I thought) then I went in and my world changed… I was diagnosed with an incompetant cervix and was told I was funnelled out to about 2mm of cervix left… I was put on strict bedrest. Needless to say week after week I kept trucking along. At 28 weeks they told me 2 weeks longer of pregnancy would be a miracle… at 30 weeks I was thinned to .7mm and dialted to 2 cm… still pregnant and still had two healthy babies! At 35 weeks I went into preterm labor and was dialted to 5cm and completely thinned out, but my contractions stopped and I was sent home… at 37 weeks I had no change… I had now gained 70lbs and had more water retention than most had ever seen in the hospital (so they say) Finally at 38 weeks and one day they started me on pitocin and after 5 hours only dilating to a 7 they broke my water and gave me my epi and 11 hours I pushed out our little girl and 52 minutes later I pushed out our boy… they were a healthy 6lbs each! We were told we would never have children and now have two beautiful babies… now back to me!
I had a really hard time gaining weight, I was 140lbs prepregnancy, but with only 18% body fat, I have always been active and have worked out my whole life and try hard to stay at a healthy size 6… I gained 70lbs and had bad bleeding for 3 months after my pregnancy… I only lost 40lbs the first 4.5months post pregnancy… finally I was given the okay to start working out again, I was no longer in my size 6’s but more in a size 11/12… I have been working out for 2.5 months and have lost an additional 15lbs… I still have 15 to go, but I am feeling better about my body and my progress. Our babies are healthy and happy and everytime I get down on myself about how awful I look, I just look at their beautiful smiles and tell myself that it’s a miracle I was able to bring them to this earth and that my body will one day be acceptable… my husband loves me more than before and still finds me sexy (he tells me this often!) Thank you for this site, I feel so lucky to share my experience and feel a little better about being a woman…
The first picture is pre-pregnancy at 138lbs
The second picture is me a day before delivering
The third-fifth are my 7 months PP pictures at 160lbs
and the final are my gorgeous babies
Transformation (Erron)
Age: 31
Number of pregnancies: Seven pregnancies, two successful
The age of my children: 2 aged 4, 1 aged 2, and 1 on the way
When expecting our first baby I remember going to my 20 week ultrasound in my regular pants. I couldn’t wait to start looking pregnant. After two years of trying, and waiting, we were finally on our way to having a baby light our house with his or her own brand of sunshine and happiness. I delighted in my pregnancy, I consciously thought out my meals, so they were balanced, I took my vitamins, exercised lightly, and, all in all, had the perfect pregnancy. At the end of my pregnancy I had gained 25 lbs and didn’t have a single stretch mark. I should have been the world’s happiest woman, except I wasn’t. Our Kate died just before she was born; our delivery room was silent when she arrived.
A week after she was born my body made that amazing Hollywood like change that would have left one guessing whether I was ever actually pregnant. I was so sad. I had absolutely nothing to show for my pregnancy. People would later tell me “Don’t tell people that you made out so well, other women will hate you with jealousy” Who ever thought it would be me jealous of those who’s pregnancies left their bodies transformed? I longed for one stretch mark to prove she had actually existed, just one tiny one. My tummy only showed signs of the baby within for a few days. The comments that, at least, I looked great at the funeral where a slap in the face, really is that what you chose to say, did I really look great?
The truth is we’re all made up of different genetic material. I went on to have twins and another singleton, and amazingly enough I still have no stretch marks. I ate no special diet and slathered no expensive creams on my belly. My body springs back quite quickly, with no miracle exercise regime. I’m lucky, I guess. Nursing three babies exclusively (yep you can nurse twins and never have to supplement, women you are equipped and powerful) have left my, never were A cups, in somewhat dismal shape. My hips have always been a bit on the largish side leaving my upper body super out of proportion. I don’t love the way I look, but it’s how I’ve been remolded.
Some of us will go to accept, and eventually love our bodies, others will not, opting instead to change the outside to better live in their skins. Instead of either group working to make the other one feel bad, or less valuable. Let’s open our eyes to the bigger transformation, the one that takes no physical form, the metamorphosis we make from women to mothers. I love watching my friends embark on the journey of pregnancy and motherhood. I fascinate at the changes these women are able to make within their character to make way for a new being. This is our biggest change, and it is our most remarkable undertaking. No matter who we are on the outside, we all want the same thing for our children, room to grow, happiness, and love. How we provide that, is as diverse as our physical appearance.
I know now that no mark would make Katie more remembered, she lives within me, my husband, and my children. I have grown as a mother in many challenging ways starting with stillbirth, then having a son who works harder than most to overcome Autism, and it’s many challenges to him and to our family, also by having two other little girls who are seeking to find their roles and carve out their spots in our family, and by the three other early losses all at varying times in my life. Pregnant again, I wonder, if there is any room left for me to grow, but I know the growth of a mother is ever expandable. I wear my stretch marks on my heart, you can’t see them with your eyes, but ask me to show them to you, and I will share the stories that have changed my shape in seemingly impossible ways.
Embrace yourself as a mother, whether able to stand naked in front of a mirror boldly and love yourself, or as a woman who feels more comfortable undressing with the curtains tightly closed with the lights off, and do not forget to embrace other mothers whether they share your sense of self or not.
Holding Katie’s hand
Twin Tummy