Breasts

Lost and sad (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 20
Number of children: one
I am 13 months post postpartum.

Hello, currently i am struggling with body image. I had my child 13 months ago, and my body has slightly improved since then. I am 5 ft 4 and weigh 130 lbs. I gained 96 lbs during my pregnancy and had pre-clampsia. I was 130 lbs before i was pregnant so i lost all my baby weight within one year by hard work. But for some reason, i do not look the same. Nor do i look just as thin as i was before. I got stretch marks all over my stomach, my thighs, back of legs, underarms, breasts and hips. I destroyed my body by caring for a beautiful life. I never want to get pregnant again and just want to enjoy my daughter and whats left of my body to enjoy. I feel bummed out. I am still trying to lose weight and i look way better clothed than i do naked. My boyfriend does not mind one bit and tells me he loves my body. I do not understand that. How can some women be so flawless, and all i did was get pregnant and my body went through a major change. My breasts actually lost a cup size (34B) after i gave birth and are not perky anymore. My belly looks like oatmeal and the only gorgeous thing i can stand is my face. Since that is what others see and compliment. My childless-friends even freak out when they see my stomach. But reassure me it will go away. I know it won’t and i think i have tried everything to fix it. I am not considering plastic surgery, so instead, i pretend i am a goddess dressed in a white robe and imagine that every women years ago knew that this destroyed body was actually beautiful. So i should love it too, since it is spectacular in its own unique way. But i do feel sad, and lost. I can not stop myself from criticizing every part of me.

Mother of 6: Story and Photos UPDATE (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update, VBAC 12 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 11, 7, 5, 4, 2, 18 months

I have come along way in my acceptance of myself as a vibrant, powerful human with a purpose. I have discovered that purpose is to love myself, and others. My body acting merely as an expression of that love, marred by marks, like nails through the palms, to indicate sacrifice and willingness. I love what I have been given so much, that I have no choice but to express it in every way possible; including being comfortable enough in my own skin to expose it.

Updated here.

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

im a 29 old mother of 2 boys.my first one is 4 years and second is 12 weeks.first pregnancy started at 63 kg,i put on 30 kg and by the time my son was 1 year old i lost all the weight(brestefeeding for 6 months and cambridge diet after that) skin on my tummy remain wrinkly and a bit sag,anyway.. my second pregnancy started at 70 kg and by the end i was about 97.now,12 weeks on im 89 and nothing going down:-( im brestfeeding so cant diet yet,and not doing any sport or anything.im to be honest diguisted with myself,i cant watch myself in mirror,i feel sooooo ashamed when my husband is looking at me,i wish i can be slimmer.i now i will be,i do everything to loose that fat,just not yet.at the moment i just want to past that stage when im brestfeeding and to start losing. anyway,my body will NEVER be ok for bikini again,second pregnancy as you can see on the pictures did too much damage:-( i just hope to be able to wear decent clothes and look ok. just want to add thet i love that site,im adicted to it. /////// AGE-29 2 CHILDREN- 4 YEARS AND 12 WEEKS

I love my children, I hate my body. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

I had my first child, the day before I turned 15. I didn’t have my mom around, so had never known about stretch marks before. I still remember being 6 months pregnant, walking past the mirror on my way to the shower in the bathroom & seeing this great wide purple scar under my belly. I freaked out & cried. I had disliked my body before, but, THIS? It was just before my 17th birthday that I had my second child, a son. Up until then, my stretch marks were on the back of my calves and on my rear, but, my belly scars were at least under my waistline. However, my belly stretched out a great deal more with my son. The stretch marks were wider, and now up my sides & above my belly button, to where now, my whole stomach wrinkles in. It made me wish I hadn’t hated my body before, because I really had nothing to worry about. Even when I was younger, I was too modest to wear a bikini, now it’s simply not an option. I did wear one once & some guy shouted at me as I jumped into the water to “put a shirt on.” & so, I do.

My breast are a whole ‘nother matter. I had developed rather quickly at a young age. I was always small, but, my chest wasn’t. At 14, before I got pregnant, I was 98lbs, wearing a 34c. Yes, I had been sort of starving myself. Not consciously, I was just a very depressed child with no appetite. When I weighed in at the hospital before delivering my daughter, I weighed 183lbs. I breast-fed her until she was a year old, then, was pregnant again shortly after & breast-fed my son until he was a year old. I maintained a weight of around 135lbs, and was a 36c.

I was married to their father until our son was two. The relationship was surrounded by spousal abuse & constant fighting. While he professed his never-dying love of my body (which breeched obsession), he would make me feel incredibly insecure. Anytime a divorce was mentioned he would remind me that, at 19, I wasn’t exactly ideal. What guy would want damaged goods? He said that while he appreciated my body because he knew what it looked like before I had kids & that only a father could truly love a body like mine. I knew that he was only trying to make me believe it so that I wouldn’t leave him, but, I also knew that the truth hurts. One whole week after I left him, a literal weight had fallen off of me. I had lost 25lbs, & subsequently, 2 cup sizes & all plumpness.

That was almost 7 years ago. I am now 25, my son 8, my daughter 10. I’m relatively fit, never weighing more than 120lbs. I have trouble shoving myself into an A cup, so, I wear a B, though it’s irritating that I can hardly expose any cleavage because you can tell that they sag because it droops at the top. So, sometimes I do stuff my bra, not to make them bigger, but, to make them more plump at the top, reducing the sight of the stretch mark indentions. The marks have faded out some, but, not really. It’s not even so much the scars that I hate, it’s the wrinkles they make.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. He absolutely loves my body. He says my stretch marks look like tiger stripes. I think they look like a tiger mauled me! He says the symmetry helps. It’s unsettling to him, that, even after all of this time, I still try to cover myself up during sex. In fact, the first few times we did, I wouldn’t let him take my shirt off! My skin disgusts me, and can take me from being all hot & bothered to ugh. On top of my insecurities of losing him, & even though I’ve been proven wrong before, I worry that I’d never find anyone else to love my body as much as he does.

I even worry about my career. I’m going through Journalism school & the idea of being at the merciless scrutiny of the public terrifies me.

I’m so completely bitter about it. I’ve met many women that had children just as young as I did & they didn’t get a SINGLE scar & they have nice, ideal, breasts. I even project my own disgust onto them. Women who are flawless under their clothes gross me out. I think it takes on a whole personality disorder on its own.

I do like my figure to an extent. I’m not thrilled with this ridiculous muffin top that I’m always having to tuck into my waistband, but, I get so depressed about it, thinking about how young I am, & how I could have had this killer body, but, nooooooo, I couldn’t have also been blessed with great skin. By time I’m old enough that they fade, or I’m rich enough to have them removed, what would be the point?!

So, here are lots of current photos of me. 8.5 years after my last pregnancy. I notice EVERY imperfection. Not only are my breast small, deflated, and saggy, but, the larger one droops lower! I walk around tightening, sucking, tucking in my stomach, which just makes my back ache. I almost forgot to add a picture of the back of my legs — well, leg, rather. These are the only marks I’ve basically gotten over. I used to never wear shorts, but, now I wear some that at least cover the marks on the inside of my thighs.

I really appreciate this blog. It’s incredibly comforting knowing that I’m not really alone, that most mothers do face these postpartum woes. My two sisters-in-law share the same body-image insecurities as I do. I mentioned this site to them when I stumbled upon it looking for exactly this — pictures of women that look like me. By outing myself, I hope that I can encourage them to be brave too.

You may also choose to include:
~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2, 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8, 10

The Sacrifice of a Mom (Cat)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions

~Number of pregnancies and births: Four Pregnancies, Two Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My oldest turned 3 on Aug 27 and my youngest turned 10 months on Aug 29. So, 10 months.

When I was 18 years old, I found myself pregnant with my first child. My pregnancy was easy, until the heartburn and food sensitivity started in my second trimester. When I was about 30 weeks pregnant, the stretch marks came. Belly, butt, thighs, behind my knees, and I got cellulite on my butt and thighs for the first time in my life. After I had my son, in my opinion, my body was abused and looked disgusting. I ended up with postpartum depression, I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I gave my son up for adoption to a very loving family. I always looked like I was 4 to 5 months pregnant. Although I didn’t know it then, my son had caused my thyroid to crap out. I couldn’t lose weight, and on top of that, I got a severe hormone imbalance. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I felt fat and I had stretch marks everywhere, and I had no baby in my arms. I felt like…people are just going to think I am fat, they wont know that I had a baby. When my son was a year and a half, I got pregnant with my second baby boy. At this time I was more ready for motherhood, and I embraced the body that was growing my little bean. I was so happy to have him in my life. I do feel sad to this day that I did not connect with my oldest son, and hopefully I can make up for it later in life. My youngest was born, and I still looked like I was 4 months pregnant, and still do 10 months later. At 2 months, my baby got a vaccine with egg in it, which he is allergic to. Things went downhill…. Four months of breastfeeding, and my body gave out. My son had severe allergies to nearly everything, and I couldn’t eat enough to feed him. At four months of age, I had to stop breastfeeding and give him special formula. By this time, I was still very heavy, 5’7″ and almost 200 pounds. I didn’t care though, because I had my precious baby. I had a lot of problems with my health and mental health during this time to. There were a few instances where I couldn’t take the crying and screaming, because he was in so much pain, I had to walk out. I felt like a horrible mom. At 6 months of age, he was still miserable, he had eczema all over his body, and cried most of the time. We couldn’t get doctors to do anything for him, so we gave him up for adoption to a family who had all the same allergies that he has, and the money to take him to doctors. It’s been 4 months since the adoption, and my skin is saggy and marked with scars, I’m 60 pounds overweight, but that’s okay. I’m okay with it now, because I grew two beautiful boys in this body, and I love them more than life. I have a tattoo on my chest with my youngest sons foot prints, so although I have imperfections, I have my sweet boy close to my heart at all times and people can see that I do have kids and I am not just fat for no reason.

I Think I’ve Always Wanted to Pose Nude (K. Marie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

When most little girls were dreaming of marrying prince charming, or planning their weddings and the names of their future children, I had one goal in mind: I wanted to be physically supernatural, beautiful and virtually unbreakable. I didn’t play school or dress-up or house. I pretended I was a cartoon character: Cheetara, from the Thundercats show. Why Cheetara? Because she was everything I wasn’t — thin, muscular, acrobatic and tough. She could fight or escape her enemies, and she had a team of friends to help her.

In the real world, I was alone. A single child to neglectful, selfish parents. A student in a small, rural country school where I was often the only girl among several boys. I was a binge-eater starting at the age of 5 (to self-medicate the pain of my childhood), so I was chubby most of my young years. I hit puberty very young, growing noticeable breasts by 9 and having a mother too out of touch to support me and help me to dress properly. I was simultaneously leered at and ridiculed by everyone — family, adult friends of my parents, peers.

I was ashamed, and despite many great things about myself, the only thing that mattered was my appearance.

It wasn’t until I was pregnant that things changed. Actually, it was when I was giving birth. That was the first time in my life that I remember feeling like my body and my accomplishments were working in harmony, not one despite the other.

I can’t say that feeling has lasted. I alternate between comfortable confidence, detached apathy and gut-wrenching frustration. I still binge-eat. I still am measured by my appearance when around my own family (maybe that’s not the only measure, but it is always a topic of discussion and it stings as much as it always did). I still reject my husband’s very generous and genuine adoration, thinking not that he’s being insincere, but that his standards are too low.

But today I thought I’d be brave. I’m not Cheetara (I tried to be a few years ago when I joined an online community of folks trying to fix their lives through diet and exercise). I am, however, a very kind and open woman who sees beauty in all bodies but my own. So here I am.

Age: 32
Pregnancies: 4 (one terminated, two births (ages 7.5 and 3.5), one miscarriage at 8 weeks)
Time spent breastfeeding: 4 months with oldest child, 7 months with youngest — breast size (happily) shrunk after

Learning to Love it Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I used to love me body, I loved it pre-pregnancy and throughout the entire nine months I was pregnant I felt beautiful. I have never felt more sexy than I did while I was pregnant. (Blame it on the hormones, I guess) Because I was only in my mid-twenties when I delivered (via c-section) I thought I would get my pre-baby body back fairly quickly. I tried everything I possibly could in terms of diet and exercise, but my post-baby body remains a size 12 and 30 pounds heavier even though my daughter is a year and a half old now. (I used to be a size 6. For me going into double digit clothing sizes postpartum was the absolute hardest thing. I cried many times over those numbers!)

My right breast is almost a full cup size larger than the left now and they are so large and saggy that I think my whole extra 30 pounds might just be in my chest! (To me this is not a good thing) They also have stretch marks and my nipples are HUGE now. Before I got pregnant my breasts and stomach were my favorite features about my body, now they are the ones I am most self-conscious about.

I am hoping that by posting this I will be able to see my body the way that my husband sees it, as the beautiful vessel that carried our daughter and is still as sexy as it ever was, stretch marks, extra skin in the middle, c-section scar, un-even breasts and all.

Age: 26
Pregnancies and Births: 1
16 months post-partum

Learning to Love the Body I’ve Gained (Gwen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Pregnancies: 1
Births: 1 beautiful boy!
Postpartum: 19 months

I submitted an entry a number of months ago but never saved the link to it, so my pics from around 12 months PP are lost somewhere. The pictures I submitted were before I gave up pumping through my work day, which I did at 12 months PP. We are still nursing, but I no longer send him to daycare with breast milk. As soon as I stopped pumping around-the-clock, I was able to shed about 10 pounds.

Like a lot of women, I spent my teens years ignoring the beauty of my body and cultivated a poor self image, relying on the images of “beauty” that the media and world fed to me. And let’s face it: Those images are rarely attainable, often fake, and sometimes not even really that beautiful. We are just told “this is what beauty is”.

I spent my pregnancy LOVING my body. For the first time in my life. As my belly grew I felt love and gratitude and acceptance for how I widened and stretched and changed. Even when I discovered stretch marks forming on the underside of me, just barely out of eyes reach, I accepted that this was the change my body would have to give my my little son. Truthfully; the stretch marks were my worst fear. My mother (having had 2 children), escaped without a mark! I vainly and foolishly thought that I would be as lucky. Ironically, both my sister and I have stretch marks from our pregnancies (mine are a bit worse than hers, but have faded over my PP time).

When my son was delivered, I had the same “deflated, squishy, and awful” stomach that women often experience, and was equally as disappointed to discover that even though I breastfed, my weight didn’t melt off me like I read it would, or heard from other mothers that it would. I was sorely dissapointed in that fact. It struck me that all the years in my youth with my beautiful firm, and young unmarked body how I criticized my every “flaw”. And that “flaw” that I wrought myself so much over wasn’t because of my body being ugly, or fat, or un-beautiful, it was my mind and my self image that was the true problem.

After a son, and about 60 pounds in pregancy weight gain, I am the smallest and fittest I have been in 3 years (since the conception of my son). I am not perfect, I am stretched large, and made thinner again as all mothers are, but I am beautiful for what I am, and what I have. And without this change in my body, could never have had the blessing of my son in my life. For that, I would sacrifice any of my looks or my shape.

This site has shown me bauty in every mother, and helped me to see my own beauty as a mother. It’s helped me to see how much the world impacts a womans concept of her own personal beauty, and how her body had to change to give her children and become a mother. It saddens me to see so many stunning and shapely women feel so poorly about their beauty and how nature created them (and trully: There are some AMAZINGLY stunning bodies of mothers. BOTH before AND afterward!)

Never doubt that as a woman; you are ALL beautiful! You are the gift of graciousness for bringing forward new lives, and nurturing the children that will become our caregivers, and friends, and companions. Even though we suffer pain in delivery, in accepting our own personal change, and the vast challenges of motherhood and marriages with children, nothing changes the fact that even though our beauty changes shape, it does not make it any less marvelous and lovely!

Thank you everyone for your support and bravery to each other by sharing your stories!

~1st photo: 19 months pp (and my little son trying to figure out “what Mommy is doing” -haha!
~2nd photo: What I look like with clothes on
~3rd photo: My beautiful little son grey, who is my little blessing!

Six Children (Erika)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Four or More Pregnancies, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I am 43, 5′ 4-1/2″, 200 lbs., size 12, and I’ve had six pregnancies, six births. My first child was born 26 years ago and my last, 6 years ago. The last child really seemed to zonk my thyroid and I’ve had a hard time losing weight since his birth.

I used to feel very self conscious about my breasts but looking at this site helped me to see that breasts come in every shape and size! I would like to slim down a bit, the stretch marks do not bother me much anymore, it’s the cellulite that makes me uncomfortable.

Getting Used to Me (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

2 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage long ago, 1 C-section birth
10 months PP, still breastfeeding
Age: 26

I always wanted to be a mother. I never expected to be a single mother. I had been dating my child’s father for only about a month when I found out I was pregnant. I considered abortion and adoption, but decided that keeping my son was the best thing for me. His father wasn’t much a part of my pregnancy, and so far, he’s not much a part of our lives still. However, my baby is absolutely beautiful. He’s by far and away the best thing that ever happened to me! Every day is now for him, and I wouldn’t change a single part of it, stretch marks and all.

He was a stubborn little fella- decided to join this world 13 days past due. (I wasn’t willing to be induced.) After only dilating to a 6, my cervix actually started to swell shut from the pressure, and I ended up having a C after 21 hours of labor.

I’m still coming to terms with my new body. Pre baby, I was 151 lbs. These days, the scale says 157 lbs, but my shape and my clothes say no way! Everything is different. I went from a size 10 to a size 13. My breasts were a perfect 34D, and now I’m a 36F as a nursing mother. I’ve just started making the effort to get back into shape (this week actually!) but am concerned my tummy will never be the same. My sister has had 3 children (with the exact same gene pool) and her tummy is flat, smooth and seamless. I’ve heard that muscles can separate, and will never return without surgical intervention. I consider it sometimes. However, I’ll see where my fitness plan takes me, and how comfortable I get with my body when I start reaching my goals (not to mention that as a full time mom and student, there’s no way I could afford it.)

Most days, I think I look pretty damn good, especially while clothed. Some days are harder than others. Everest loves to snuggle up in all my body-warmness, and when I really think about it, that’s all that matters.

This is us: (pics)