Breasts

Winter Update (Vi’s Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 4 Comments

Hi everyone.
I posted an entry here over the summer, but a lot has changed since then.
I’ve been continuing to struggle with my body image. I constantly obsess over it, and i don’t want it to rub off on my daughter. Recently i got my belly button pierced and a tattoo designed by my friend on my hip.
I don’t know what it is, but suddenly i feel more confident about my body. Maybe it’s because i feel that the piercings and tattoos take away from the stretch mark scars. Either way, it’s such a relief to look in the mirror and be okay with what i’m seeing.
I hope someday soon i can be okay with my belly with or without decoration. Until then, whenever i feel insecure all i have to do is look at my beautiful daughter and it all feels worth it.
Thanks for listening :)

Really Very Bad Timing (Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 2 children
14 months postpartum, twins

My twin boys were perfect timing. Our fertility doctor had just finished telling us we would never conceive naturally. I had just told him that through the grace of God I believed that we would. 3 weeks later some routine tests came back to tell me I was pregnant without the help of drugs or procedures and about 6 weeks later we received the amazing news that there were two little bubs! I was over the moon. My husband seemed a little less excited but I told myself it was that he was overwhelmed, besides that he never was really very good with emotion. As you can imagine I got to be pretty huge. Unfortunately I also became pretty lonely, My husband seemed to withdrawal further and further as my pregnancy progressed. I had an emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia at 36 weeks and although very small the boys were born beautiful and healthy. I remember the first day they let me get up on my own to go to the bathroom. I stared at the body in the mirror in absolute disgust. I thought I would look like that forever. As hard as I tried I could not breast feed my boys so not only was my body hideous but it also couldn’t nourish my two beautiful boys. I had some postpartum depression but after a few months I began to feel better. The boys were getting bigger and healthier with the use of formula. I would force myself to look in the mirror stark naked almost daily. It was important that I understood that this was my body now and it had done something incredible for me. I had never been thin to begin with but had always loved my curves. After a couple of months I began to love my body, stretch marks, love handles and all. Through all of this my relationship with my husband got better and then worse. I had always adored my husband and although his personality was distant and sometimes very cold I convinced myself he adored me as well. The month before the boys first birthday my husbands raging porn addiction was found out.It had existed before he had known me so you might think I couldn’t possibly blame myself but I do. This wasn’t an occasional peek at porn, if his addiction had been heroin he would be dead in a gutter some where. It had caused him to seriously neglect our kids and myself for a very long time. My husband has overcome his addiction and hasn’t so much as peeked in months with the help of God, myself, some friends and our pastor. This has helped him to become a very caring, loving husband and father. He is now a man I am proud to be married too. The problem is as he moved on to be a better man, he left me standing in my own insecurities. It took a lot of work to get me to a place where I could look myself in the mirror after my babies. Stupid silly me asked my husband every question I could think of about his addiction- desperate to know just how far it went, just how bad it got. Now I am left with the knowledge of all the women he has seen, all the positions he watched and all my friends and family he thought of lustfully. I feel like I will never ever compare. He treats me like royalty now, tells me without all of that junk in his head he sees just how beautiful I am and always was. What I hear is that now that he can’t see the beautiful women in porn he will settle for me. This is destroying me and I know I need help. I have to convince myself to eat most days and have lost quite a bit of weight in the past couple months. What the twins and the stretch marks and the mom skin couldn’t accomplish in killing my self esteem totally- my husbands addiction managed to do. I don’t know how to dig out of this hole, I don’t know how to heal. I do feel hopeful though, especially when I see my husband being so involved with the boys and when I see their gorgeous smiles. Thanks for reading.

Loving Myself (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Having my son was the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me in a million ways, but unfortunately it changed my body too. I was slightly overweight when I found out I was pregnant, and I wasn’t happy with my body to begin with. I’ve always struggled with my self esteem and diet, I was at my heaviest weight (166) the day I saw the two pink lines. When I delivered I was almost 230lbs. I didn’t FEEL like I was that big, because I was “all belly” or so I thought. I ate well when I was pregnant, but I ate much more than I needed to and I didn’t do any kind of exercise at all. My son was 9lbs 8oz at birth and just perfect. I wanted to breastfeed so I didn’t consider cutting calories or anything like that until he was 3 months or so and I knew my supply was going strong. I didn’t want to exercise because I read that it can make your breast milk taste sour and the baby will reject you (not sure if that’s true). I was miserable with my body though and felt so insecure and ugly. I have stretch marks all over my hips and stomach, down my thighs and the backs of knees. I started trying to work out but I was so out of shape and tired all the time that I would just give up. As I started moving my son into solid foods, I started reading more about nutrition- I decided to become a vegan. I wanted to be healthier and treat my body right- and then I started losing weight. It felt really encouraging. I went from 180 to 170lbs in the first month and fluctuated in the 160s for a while. I got pneumonia in the fall and lost 20lbs, it was awful. I was so sick I could barely walk or care for my son, even for weeks after I was ‘better’ I was so weak. I weighed 140lbs but as I started eating better and gaining my strength back I gained more weight. I’ve started doing yoga and walking more, and now my weight is around 147lbs but I feel strong and healthy. I’d like to ‘tone up’ my wiggly parts but I fear my stomach may be a lost cause. My son is 14 months now and he’s learning about body parts, his favorite is the belly button, and he waddles up to me and sticks his fingers in my belly button all the time. He thinks the squishy weird texture of my stomach is great, so I don’t mind it that much. The only people who see my stomach are my son and my fiance and they both love me. My fiance supports my weight loss/toning goals, but he makes me feel beautiful all the time anyway. Things are so different now from a year ago- my body is healed and my confidence is up. I know my body isn’t going to be the same as it was (especially my boobs, I miss them! They were so perky and small) but I feel so proud to have brought a life into this world, and I know it sounds kind of corny and cliched but my body is amazing for doing that. I don’t beat myself up for the things I can’t change. I found this website when I was pregnant and I remember thinking that I would never be comfortable or happy enough with my body to post, but here I am posting my “success”- which after everything it turns out it’s not related to my body at all, it just means that I am happy and I love myself!

Picture Info: 1+2: 12 weeks pregnant
3: 6 months pregnant
4-6: 5 months pp (170lbs)
7-9: today (147lbs)

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 son, he is 14 months old

Wondering if I’ll ever be able to wear a bikini again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 33 Comments

I’m 20 years old, almost 21 and I use to be 110 pounds and very confident. I gave birth 10 months ago and I feel quite depressed about my body. I don’t fit into any of my old clothes, I am 20 pounds heavier than what I use to be. I want to enjoy this summer with my beautiful son but I am afraid of wearing shorts or anything not baggy. Everyone use to tell me to give it 9 months to get back to your old self well I see no difference. My boobs have sagged, I have stretch marks on my hips and underneath my butt. I see celebrities get back to being perfect after 3 months… yet I can’t seem to even with dieting and exercising…. hopefully someday

20 years old
1 Pregnancy 1 birth
10 month old baby and 10 months pp

Finding beauty in every imperfection (Jordan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

21 years old
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
13 months pp

I want to start off by saying this site is amazing, I love reading all of the posts on here. However, i don’t like seeing that it is such a struggle for some women to love the bodies that their children gave them. I know it’s difficult, I’ve been there and i too struggled some but not anymore. There are two things you can do, one- accept the skin that you are in and love your body, if not for what it looks like for what it has blessed you with, or two- If you are unhappy with your weight gain, work to lose it.. and don’t get discouraged, Try to remember.. it takes 9 months to gain that weight and for some, it takes 9 months plus some to work it off. I see so many beautiful mothers, with nice bodies on here posting about how awful they think they look and i’m sitting here saying to myself.. you’ve got to be kidding. We, ladies, are our worst critics and one of the things that most of us do, and shouldn’t is compare our bodies to others which leads to self esteem issues that simply shouldn’t be there. Embrace the change and Find beauty in your new bodies! There is beauty in everything, some people may not see it and those are the people that shouldn’t matter.

I’m 5’2 and before pregnancy i weighed 120 lbs, I wasn’t very confident and i always wanted to be thinner than i was, and i wanted bigger boobs.. even though i see now, that there wasn’t a thing wrong with my body, back then.. it wasn’t so easy. During my pregnancy i gained 35 lbs, and the weight gain didn’t bother me because i was gaining weight for my son. My son was born, January 10th 2010 weighing 6 lbs and 10 0z, 21 inches long. After he was born, i ate healthy and worked out when i could (which wasn’t often) and it still took me about 10 months to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Now that my son is older, and I’ve recently became a stay at home mom, i exercise more regularly and i do not diet, but surprisingly i’m a jean size smaller than i was before baby. I’m content with my body, stretch marks and all. When i look at myself naked in the mirror, i do not find myself disgusting.. i see the complete opposite, When i look at my stretch marks and wrinkled skin, i think of the very reason they are there in the first place and i appreciate my body for all that it has done. I hope all of you mama’s out there can too, start appreciating your bodies.. you are all beautiful!

-Love- Jordan, Colin’s mommy.

Photos:

(1,2) 4 months into pregnancy
(3) 8 months into pregnancy
(4) 8 months pp
(5) Now, 13 months pp at 118 lbs
(6) Stretch marks
(7) Mommy’s little monster

Updated here.

25 Year Old Mom of 2 (Emma)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Birth, Breasts, Homebirth, Infertility, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Being pregnant is one of the most beautiful experiences a woman can ever experience. I never felt more feminine as I did when I was pregnant and expecting. and, nurturing my child after-wards by breastfeeding, I’m curvier than I was pre-pregnancy (with both) – I had a home birth with my second, and it was one of the most wonderful experiences i’ve ever had in my life! I can’t wait to do it again.

I also wanted to include, that there was a huge age gap between my children due to struggling with infertility for years before finally conceiving our second baby.

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: almost 7 years, and 11 weeks at time of entry.

Photos are between 4 days and 8 weeks postpartum.

6 Babies, 5 C-Sections, 4 Daughters, 3 TOL’s, 2 Son’s, 1 Love (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update, VBAC 14 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

My last posting this past summer was very freeing for me. I loved the photos, and for the first time really saw beauty in my imperfect body. I feel strong, and continue to grow in inner and outer strength. These photos were taken at our local hot springs & a then there are a couple of family photos. I love this website… and life :-)

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12, 7, 5, 4, 3, 23mo– 23 mo PP

11 Weeks Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 13 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

23 years old
1 pregnancy
1 birth
11wks postpartum and -30lbs

I decided it was time to finally write my postpartum update. I ended up carrying to 41 weeks and giving birth completely naturally on November 28, 2010. And before anyone congratulates me on that, I did not want or anticpate a natural birth– I just progressed much faster than the doctors had time to give me any pain medication! I went to the hospital at 3:30am and started pushing a little before 8:00am. Back labor, all the way. I wanted to die; yeah, it hurt like hell, and I had no way of knowing that I would give birth before 9am. So I’m sitting there on the gourney thinking “oh my god, this hurts… am I going to suffer like this fr twelve hours or more?!?” But by the time I was asking for pain meds (in a very weak, pathetic voice, lol) the doctor came in to check me, saw me shivering and said “we need to get her in a room, she’s gonna have this baby NOW!” So I suppose I should just buck up and be happy that I didn’t end up birthing my son in the waiting room… wouldn’t that be an interesting story?

As it turned out, Baby Aleksandr was born with no long-term complicatons. There was fetal distress, meconium, a drop in BP, and the cord was wrapped around his neck. My husband was not allowed to cut the cord because they wanted to get our son medical attention right away. He was 8lbs 3oz and 21 inches long! Tore me sideways and I needed … quite a few stitches. At least ten, I think….

A lot has happened to both me and my son since giving birth… my husband was deployed almost immediately after Aleks was born. On Christmas Day I got a call saying my grandmother had fallen into a diabetic coma, so me and my mom packed up and lived with my grandpa two states away for about to and a half weeks while we waited for my grandma to die. Having to see her all bruised up when she was in her coma (from dialysis and everything else the doctors did to her), and then seeing her 4-day-old unebalmed body is something I’ll never be able to forget. She had specifically said she did not want to be embalmed, and her death landed right around New Years when the cemetery was closed… because apparently someone thinks that people don’t die around New Years, I don’t know.

Once I got back up in Washington my Mom had to go back to her home in Oregon, so I was by myself again with a newborn who had his schedule all messed up from traveling so much. I had doctors appointments for follow-ups, IUD insertions, I was in the ER twice in the last three weeks: once because my postpartum bleeding was so heavy that I was dizzy and nauseous (I’ve had heavy periods before, this much blood actually scared me) and a second time for what turned out to be rectocele. I’ve been jumping through hoops trying to see doctors and hoping I can have it corrected with surgery. Finally saw a third doctor today to get the official green light for surgery and was told it could be worse and I would just have to live with it. I was in tears. The doctor hadn’t even given me any options, just told me I’d probably need to take laxatives for the next few months, maybe longer. I’m going to get a second opinion (technicaly a fourth opinion), but I’m waiting until my husband comes home because I’m starting to get depressed having to make all these medical decisions by myself. And no, he has not been allowed to take emergency leave to be with me OR take his baby leave.

I was 195lb when I gave birth. I wasn’t really concerned with stretch marks because I grew my hips in the 8th grade, lol. Yeah, I was a little put off by the ones scattered south of my belly button, but I know I can live with them. The’ve already faded a LOT, and … well, I live in Washington, it’s not like bikini weather is very common. I’ve sent my husband pictures of my postpartum progress (I’m 165 now), and he tells me tha I’m not only beautiful, but strong and assures me I’m taking excellent care of our son. Because of everything that’s been happening in the last 11 weeks, I haven’t been able to exercise as much as I’d like. Between stitches, travelling, bleeding, worrying that my organs are gonna fall out my butt… I did gain an interesting perspective on my need to take care of myself. It’s not just getting down to prepregnancy size and weight that’s important to me. I know I still have 10+ lbs to go before I’m back at my prepregnancy weight, but other things take precedence. I know I’ve been very lucky in regaining much of my shape without going out of my way to acquire it, and I do have my genes to thank for that. I know as soon as I no longer have to value an hour of sleep over a 15 minute run, I’ll be quick to bounce back completely. But I can be patient.
My husband was able to come home for a night (due to military work, not so he could stay –boo), and he finally got to see his little boy smile. And somehow it made me smile and broke my heart at the same time :) I can’t wait for Aleks to grow up and become a little hellion like both me and his daddy were. He looks so much like his father– but he’s got my lips! lol I’m glad I had the Shape of a Mother site to help m through my pregnancy and postprtum period. This site is amazing with its support. Thank you all!

Pictures are:
prepregnancy
39.5 weeks pregnant
3 hours after giving brith
2 weeks PP
7 weeks PP
me and my son!
11 weeks PP
my two handsome men!

I Like Myself (Rosie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

I see a ton of ladies hating on their post-baby bodies, and some very genetically blessed ladies who are rockin’ it.

I’m right here in the middle. I gained some weight, and I lost it. I started my pregnancy around 170 lbs. I struggled with hyperemesis in my first trimester and dropped to 145 lbs. By delivery day I weighed 191 lbs. At six weeks postpartum I’m weighing 167 lbs. I’m hitting the gym. My belly is so textured with stretch marks that it reminds me of a trapper keeper I had in middle school.

I still have some weight to lose, and I don’t know when those stretch marks will fade.

My unmedicated water birth showed me how strong and capable I am.

Breastfeeding and the patience it requires is my new yoga.
I love myself, and I love my body.

And you should too.

You made a baby. That is pretty amazing.

If you’re not happy with your body, please try to remember all that you did. Nourish yourself well. Put your baby in a carrier and dance in the living room or in the stroller and walk until youfeel the burn. Leave baby with a sitter and take a class that sounds fun or take a mommy and me class. Do something active a few times a week.

Don’t make excuses. Take care of your body and love yourself. Flaunt your self esteem. It’s a great example to your children.

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: Two pregnancies. One very empowering, unmedicated, water birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: I am a mother of one amazing daughter. I am almost six weeks postpartum.

Believing My Husband’s Words (Nikki)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 22 Comments

Age: 24
7 pregnancies, 2 births
Children age: 4 yrs & 15 months

I enjoy coming to Bonnie’s website because I know, if anything, it gives women a place to be open and honest with themselves. Whether or not a woman takes anything constructive from it is individual. I have seen bodies of women who I think shouldn’t complain and bodies of women who could have every reason to. In all, this site will either make you appreciate what you have or loathe it. But day after day, I come and read the very similar posts of my fellow mothers and begin to think: “Why do we put so much weight into our looks?” I haven’t seen any websites for men to discuss their calloused hands, beer gut and flat butt. My husband has more stretch marks (due to steroids for a condition) and ACTUAL skin problems (eczema, psoriasis) than I do, but he doesn’t think himself ugly or unfit for intimacy. If I can love him for who he is and his looks, and I’m pretty sure you ladies feel the same way about your SO, then why of all whys do we question whether our men still find us attractive? Our men aren’t any beauty queens or underwear models themselves, but we put ourselves thru all kinds of mental and physical hell to be something we think our men desire. When on the flip side, they aren’t worried about doing it for us.

For example, I was watching Dr. Oz and he had some overweight women who felt insecure of their bodies and wanted help. Well right beside them was their overweight husbands. Why do they have to take on the unattractive burden when their husbands are no more attractive or in any better physical condition? But if you asked those same women how they felt about their husband, they’d say they love them unconditionally and looks didn’t matter. Unless they’re lying to make them feel good, why can’t men say what will make us feel good? Sounds unfair and one-sided don’t you think? But it’s possible for a man to actually consider our worth in terms of personality and inner beauty than looks alone. If men aren’t stressin’, neither should we. And we bring something even better to the table: our beauty is amplified by bringing life into this world. A man’s beauty is amplified by the type of father he is to those children. Ladies, if we are stressing about our looks for a man we think will leave us because of our looks, he wasn’t worth keeping around anyway. He’d be considered shallow and not worth your love. But if we keep compounding our self loathing onto them, it will turn them off to us. They want a confident woman regardless of what society deems her body. Because frankly, men get tired of hearing us complain or worse, refusing them intimacy. We’re not some damn peacock strutting around. Our brains are too complex to live our lives focused on the quality of our feathers. There are people needing love and attention inside and outside our homes, so we need to take stock on the abilities and capabilities of ourselves. We take on spouses for the comfort and security of being ourselves and walking together on a path to greater things. There shouldn’t be any room for shame.

Couples should support and encourage physical fitness and better eating for the sake of being healthier so you all can grow old together and see your grandkids, not so you can look like Gisele and he Tom Brady. They’re not that cute anyway, lol. While I would hope this message reaches someone, if anything I want it to make women think. And remember, if he says you look hot, beautiful, sexy, or bangin’ BELIEVE HIM.