Belly

Your First Home (Proudmama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Update 23 Comments

Previous entry here.

I didn’t intend on updating so soon, but something happened that I wanted to share.

First of all I come here regularly because I feel like I’m a part of something when I read your stories. Some of your stories I relate to more than others, some stories make me want to cry because I either want to reach through the computer and hug you or because I can’t believe how beautiful you are, and if you don’t like your body, what would you think of mine…

It’s been a tough couple of months on a lot of different levels and I feel that although I’m still losing weight and inches, it only makes my skin sag and “hang” more. But I do feel healthier so that’s gotta count for something.

But here’s what I wanted to share with you, to reminds all of us of what really matters.

The other day I was sitting on the floor and playing with my daughter (who will already turn 1 year old very soon and is starting to walk) and I found myself wanting to cry at the sight of the roll of belly fat hanging in front of me. I was pinching the skin and moving it around distractingly. My daughter walked over and kneeled down next to me and put her little hand on my belly and she pat it lovingly. I looked up into those big blue eyes and that big gap toothed grin of hers and I did find myself crying, but not of sadness. I couldn’t believe that almost a year ago, this little girl was resting inside of me, kicking her little heels eager to come out. And now there she was, walking and smiling and caressing my belly from the outside.

That night I opened the baby book that I’d been too busy to pay attention to and found the section titled Your First Home. There I pasted three pictures, one of before I got pregnant, one of my big pregnant belly and the third one of my belly in its current state, and underneath I started writing:

“The first picture is of Your First Home before you moved in. It’s like a brand new house with new furniture that still has the paint and new carpet smell. Sure it looks good but you’re afraid to touch anything for fear of breaking something and it doesn’t feel like you home.

The second picture represents all those years you spent in that house, molding it to your liking making changes, building memories. Sometimes it gets cluttered and messy and crowded and it might have lost that brand new house appeal but it smells homely and it’s comforting.

That last picture is like a beloved house after you’ve decided to move out because it doesn’t suit your needs anymore. You say goodbye to it with a heavy heart but you know that you need to move on. Who knows, it might just suit somebody else one day. Before you leave though, you take a good look at it. A brand new house it isn’t anymore. The paint is chipping, the carpets are dirty. To a casual by-stander it might not look that great, but you know better. That house is beautiful to you because it has been lived in. Laughter has echoed in its wall, maybe some tears have been shed too, but mostly it’s Love that you can feel in its foundation.

My dear daughter, when I look at this belly that was you very first home, I smile. Every line, every wrinkle, every mark is there because you decided to choose me to be your mommy. Maybe one day I will give you a brother or a sister and they too will leave their own personal story on my belly. And I hope that one day, if you so desire, you will be blessed with a baby of your own and that you too will have the privilege of becoming someone’s First Home.”

Your bellies might be scared, deformed and wrinkled but they were your precious children’s first home and that’s something to be thankful for. It doesn’t make everything better I know, but it puts things in perspective.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

Peace to you and yours

~Proudmama

Pictures are 11.5 months postpartum.

Updated here and here.

Stretch Marks 101 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Number of pregnancies – 1
Pre preg weight – 118
Height – 5 7
Ending weight – 160
post preg – one year and a month

I have payed soooo much money to get rid of the hideous stretchmarks. Im talking thousands. no FRACTIONAL laser has worked for me…. trust me im living proof ive done 9 or 10 treatments. chem peels.. cremes you name it! I am currently flying to california to try this laser that was shown on dr oz. Its a erbium laser used by dr ourian. My marks are very extreme and everywhere from bottom, inside thighs, breast, stomach, flanks and hips. EVERYWHERE. note – these use to be very crater like but they have gotten better. I lost all weight with exercise but the marks haunt me .. I cannot wear a bathing suit. im constantly looking at them to see if they are better then yesterday. I think about them everyday. I never look at myself naked in the mirrior. I know it will just put me in a bad mood. Ill post pics after three more treatments with this laser. It has done improvements I dont currently have any before pics but here are some currently and ill post some more after I finish three more treatments.

BTW – sally henson bought at cvs . walgreens spray on panty hose stuff is miracle worker! get your color and spray in palm and RUB! rub rub rub and it looks covers lotttttts of the flaws =) makes me feel good anyways

Motherhood Shaped Me (Joni E.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

~Age: 36 years old
~Pregnancies: 5 pregnancies/4 living children (one fetal demise at 21 weeks)
~Childrens ages: 15, 12, 10 and 5 weeks

Highest non-pregnant weight: 183
Weight 3 months prior to pregnancy (lowest adult weight): 125 (I put on 20 lbs before becoming pregnant at my husbands request)
Weight just prior to pregnancy: 144
Weight at time of delivery: 195
Weight now: 167

My story begins 16+ years ago with the loss of my first precious baby. I had difficulty becoming pregnant and was devastated when I lost the pregnancy at 21 weeks. I always appreciated my body and was thrilled when I became pregnant again. I was surprised when my doctor mentioned my stretchmarks being so bad. The grew and grew until they reached the top of my belly. After my daughter was born I was alarmed at the way my body looked. I didn’t recognize my belly anymore. My breast were large and sagging but I was so grateful to have her I didn’t care. I eventually began to realize and then somewhat resent that I couldn’t get my pre-pregnant body back.

Fast forward 4 years and 2 more children. Once the children were older and I had more time to focus on myself I began to really be critical of my body. I was going to school full time to become a RN and working as well. I was eating poorly and not exercising. I was unhappy with myself and my life. Once I graduated nursing school I weighed the most I’d ever weighed at 183. I lost 60 pounds and began marathon training and working out in excess. I was pushing myself to the limit, at one point even breaking my leg and continuing to run despite the pain. I was very proud of my new physique, yet when I looked in the mirror I could see flaw after flaw. Before my breasts were saggy, now they were small. Before my tummy was fat, now wrinkled. I took a step back to evaluate my life and realized the answer was not to be found on the scale or in the gym but in myself.

I changed my life completely. I separated from my husband and then reunited with a man I had known since 6th grade. We fell very deeply in love and quickly began a relationship. We decided to have a baby. He requested that I gain weight prior to becoming pregnant as he felt I was too thin. I had to agree. We became pregnant very quickly and enjoyed my pregnancy. He loved my pregnant body. I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy. I’d occasionally fear the weight I’d have to lose after the birth but I enjoyed my body and what it was doing in a way I never had before. He and I decided to have our baby at home, something I had wanted to do with my 3 previous births but did not have a supportive spouse to help make that possible. I gave birth in a birth tub in our kitchen, surrounded by people I loved. It was the best day of my life. Ella weighed a huge, healthy 10 lbs and 6 oz. Her birth empowered me in a way I had never felt empowered before. I felt strong, capable and beautiful (her long birth story can be found here).

Now 5 weeks after her birth I love this sweet baby more than I can describe. And I respect my body in a whole new way but I don’t recognize it in the mirror. I have huge 38DD breasts again and my tummy is back to looking like it did when I had my third baby (10 years ago). I worked so incredibly hard for the shape I had before I became pregnant with Ella, to the point of obsession. It was difficult to admit that my happiness did not depend on if I wore a size 14 (my current size) or a size 4. But yet in these first weeks PP I told my husband I felt like I needed to look like I did before this birth because if I did not it was like false advertising. After all, he didn’t marry 167 pound me. What he said really made me pause to appreciate myself: He said, ” I wish when you looked at yourself you could see what I see. You are so sexy. You are beautiful. Inside and out. I love your body. It made our baby. I love you and just want you to love yourself too.” And I believe him and I do love myself.

We are so pressured by society to look a certain way. We’ve been conditioned to believe that beauty is skin deep. We feel like if we were a certain size or weight we’d be happy. We feel like we need to have plastic surgery to get “back to the way we were” before having babies. Fix our breasts. Fix our bellies. Fix ourselves. When we are not in fact broken. What we should be doing is celebrating and appreciating the amazing things are bodies do to make our babies and that we can make babies at all!

I’m so proud of all the women on SOAM willing to bare their bodies and souls for the sake of truth and beauty.

Photos included:
1. Pre-pregnancy after losing 50 pounds on WW (me in the stripes, my baby sister in the hearts)
2. at 37 weeks pregnant with my husband
3. smiling in labor at 40 weeks 5 days (tie dye sarong)
4. Us at our wedding (me 36 weeks pregnant)
5. Ella at 3 weeks
6/7/8. me now 5 weeks PP front/back/side

Tied to the Past (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years

I’ve only had one child,only one, she may be the most amazing little girl I’ve ever seen but where did I go?

I gained 40 lb.s with her birth and then kept gaining after that. Her father and I split up when she was a year old and then I became a new to school, freshly back to work, single mom at 21! She’s grown and blossomed and become such a beautiful big girl now. I’ve withered and hated myself sooo much for every year she’s loved herself. The depression and the agony just made the over eating worse. So I got the lap band and did really well for awhile,for awhile.

Then the depression came back in and ate me up inside and I kept eating,stopped exercising.

Excuses,excuses,always, what a weakling I am. I cannot look at my naked body in the mirror without crying. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A 25 YEAR OLD!!

I see older women at work all the time who have paid in the their bodies for their many children and I cry. Why am I at that stage when I am ONLY 25? I have ONLY had one child. I cannot let my boyfriend see me naked with the lights on, I cannot let my daughter see me in the shower. I disgust myself and I’m so tired of hating who I am.

I Was Afraid (Susan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I Was Afraid, Susan
Age: 36
Pregnancies: 6
Births: 3
Children: Nicholas 7, Ella 5, Jack 3

I took these pictures for my blog. I took them to show the world, well the blog world, my post babies belly. I contemplated for literally an hour. I should, I shouldn’t. Ok I am, no no I can’t. Ultimately I was unable to share the pictures because I felt ashamed of my body. I had 3 miscarriages before finally conceiving and delivering my first baby. As all moms who have had trouble conceiving or staying pregnant know, this was not a happy time in life. So what did do to make myself feel better? I ate. 4 years and 3 breastfed babies, and one cesarean later my body had seen better days. I decided to take my body back for myself, after all there would be no more babies. My body was my own again and I deserved to treat it right. I have been consistently working out for over 2.5 years yet I’m still ashamed of my body. I don’t have stretch marks and no one sees my scar but I am still striving for that airbrushed look. When I saw this forum to show my pictures I figured why not. It’s me, it’s real and it’s the only body I’ve got. I better learn to love it.

The Nonexistant Dating and Sex Life of a Single Mom (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 31 Comments

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1
Births:1
My Daughters Age: 3

I had my daughter at the age of 19 a month away from my 20th so I guess I should say I had her as a “Teen”

Her dad and my relationship was a rocky one but I stuck it out because I didn’t want my daughter growing up without her dad, we where together for about 4yrs. I endured a lot of verbal abuse Until…I found out almost a year ago today her dad had a secret relationship throughout ours with his sisters best friend which was also a friend of mines. They now live together in our old home while am back cramped sleeping on the floor at my mothers.

He is very much a part of his daughter’s life & a loving dad. We get along here and there but its mostly just 4 the baby. There’s not an actual friendship. He has told me numerous of times “he wishes I would die so he can have custody of his daughter and live a happy family with his girlfriend”

What I endured with him seems to have soaked in my brain and friends say I am carrying that pain although am not with him anymore. When we will get into arguments the first things he would say where how “Nasty my saggy breast, cellulite legs, acne face & stretch marked stomach where”. He would also say “no one will ever want me” to the point I couldn’t even look in a mirror and think i looked pretty.

Our sex life pretty much sucked i always thought it was him because he never cared to please me it was just bend over or give me “H**d” but all the while it was because he was getting it elsewhere and thought how nasty my body was.

I haven’t as much as dated ONE person in the past year not because I don’t want to because no one seems to be interested in me after I had my daughter. I go out with friends constantly but no one seems to hit on me the times i have tried to step out of my comfort zone & approach someone I am shutdown or never called back even if they don’t know I am a mother (being that women with kids sometimes scare a man off)

Before I had my daughter i would be scared to walk the streets alone because I would constantly be harassed and told how beautiful I was. NOW I don’t get as much as a head turn.

As much as i want to start dating again it hits me one day or another we will have to sleep together and although my daughters dads constant rants of how nasty my body is plays a part in how i feel I can’t help to agree I HAVE A MIRROR i see all that he pointed out.

I am so lonely and just have shut myself out from life. I am only 23 and shouldn’t have to feel this way.
I don’t regret my daughter and the body I have after her, i just wish i can take back the person i had her with because one thing I noticed from a lot of the posts where how many of you have supporting husbands to tell them how beautiful they where.

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin one day

When I look at some girls that complain about their bodies I can understand where they come from but is still not as bad as me, like ok yeah your boobs are saggy but you can wear shorts! Yeah you have cellulite but you can wear a tube top without a bra or yeah you have a little stretch marks but at least you’re inner thighs are not filled with dark parks and constant boils. I can’t do any of these

As much as I wish i can go back to my old days my 3 year old is WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. It’s just very lonely when its 8pm and she’s a sleep on a Saturday night. In the mist of my ranting she has awoken and I even forgot what I was going on about! & that’s why she makes it worthwhile.

(In the pictures I posted b4 baby and after baby. The grey marks are from holistic treatment strips I removed b4 picture for weight loss which have not worked )

I hope someone out there can relate to my post as well as my body

Final Update (Jeanne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

My daughter is now 18 months and I never thought I would feel the way I do about my body as I do now. I love my body now more than before I had a child. I love the way my hips have widened…I just feel more feminine and like I have a right to have these curves. I don’t even mind my fading stretch marks :) I have lost 37 lbs since January. I am now 137 and 5’9″ and just very happy with everything in my life including my body finally!

Hoping for a Miracle (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 5 (3 miscarriages, 1 a set of twins) Births: 1
Age of children: almost three, 6 weeks pregnant

Growing up I was never sure if I wanted children. I was not sure if I had the patience. I met my husband my freshman year of college. We dated for about 7 months and we found out we were pregnant. We were shocked. My first appointment I was told I was only about 4 weeks along – all we saw was a yolk sac. At my next appointment (4 weeks later) There was a fetal pole, it was measuring 6 weeks, but I was told not to be concerned by the discrepancy. Fast forward three weeks and I started cramping and spotting. A trip to the emergency room later I was told I was miscarrying. They gave me pain medicine, sent me home, and scheduled a D&C. The next day I was back in the emergency room. They hospitalized me while I passed “the embryonic tissues.” Two months later me and my husband married. Three months flew by and we decided to start trying to get pregnant. My first appointment was fine, they tested by hcg levels over 4 days and they were increasing as they should… 2 weeks later, another miscarriage. We decided that we were going to wait to try to get pregnant again. One night, one thing led to another and we did not use any protection. Thank god. Because 9 months later our beautiful baby girl was born. I had an interesting pregnancy. I have type 1 diabetes (juvenile onset, insulin dependent), had extra amniotic fluid through much of my pregnancy (which I would like to think contributed to the 70 lbs I gained – lol), and went into premature labor twice (due to the abnormally small size of my uterus and the stress from the extra amniotic fluid). I ended up having a “non-emergency emergency c-section” (yes you are reading that right – that is how the doctor referred to it) after our daughters heart rate dropped multiples time during my induction. Our daughter was in the special care nursery for 4 hours before they would let me see her (her oxygen levels were low due to a hold in her heart). Four days later (after my daughter was treated for jaundice) we were released from the hospital. The hole in her heart healed on its own and she is thriving. She is now a rowdy 3 year old red head (she has the temper to match). Recently me and my husband decided we should try for another baby. Five months ago We found out I was pregnant. We were ecstatic. Two weeks later, I miscarried – a set of twins. Heartbreak. Two weeks ago, I found out I am pregnant. Evidently I don’t have a problem getting pregnant – just staying pregnant. I am now 6.5 weeks pregnant. I had an ultrasound two days ago and we saw a heartbeat. I am scared as hell, but already in love with this tiny baby inside of me. Here’s hoping for another miracle!

picture 1: me 32 weeks pregnant with my daughter
picture 2: our beautiful baby girl
picture 3-5: me today, almost 3 years postpartum and 6.5 weeks pregnant.

Updated here.

Finding a Body that I Love (Quila)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

I was very excited when I ran into this website while surfing the web at work! I’m having a very bad experience with my post baby body. I’m 21 years of age, a full-time student, and I work a full-time job(life). I was never a “skinny girl”, but I have also never been at the point where I am now. To be honest my biggest issue is my stomach. I describe it to others as having extra skin from pregnancy. Having a stomach like this has ruined my life. Normally I am a very self confident girl, but now I can honestly say that in my opinion things have truly changed for the worst. My stomach hangs down, almost touching my vagina. Is this normal, or is there something wrong with me? Should I see a doctor about this? If so what type of doctor? I’m 18 months pp, just so that we are on the same page. I have never really been the “active” type. The last time that I have ever exercised was in the 9th grade (7years ago). I understand that now is the time to gradually start. My goal weight is 140 pounds. My pre-pregnancy weight was about 190 pounds, post pregnancy I was 253. My current weight is somewhere in the 230’s. My question is… What do I need to do in order to get rid of this saggy stomach. I don’t want a “six pack”, which I don’t mind having, but I also don’t want this extra stomach! It is humiliating. My extra large shorts don’t fit, my pants fold down under the stomach. Things have gotten to a point where I not only look pregnant, but I also look sloppy! This is a very sensitive, and depressing topic for me, as I like a lot of other moms am not used to the sudden body change. HELP!! I love my daughter to death, and I would not trade her for the best body, or for all of the money in the world. I just hope that it is not to late for me. I cannot afford tummy tucks, and Liposuctions. I’m not going to focus this post on how sorry I feel for myself, and how miserable I am, because I’m not completely sure that I really feel that way at all. I guess that I just needed a place to come for help. I hate the love handles, the fat face, and the bloated feeling I get after eating. I went from clothing size 11-12 to a 16/18-20. What is my body going through? I feel upset with myself, because it’s kind of like I had no progress at all with this, and after 18 months I still find myself “unhappy” with who I am! Of course my husband calls me beautiful, but it doesn’t help if I really do not feel the same way about myself. I want change for me, I want to be able to run, and wear bikini’s again! Life is hard enough being the sole provider of the family, but it really sucks when you’re unhappy with yourself! I did not have a C- section, I had a vaginal birth. I’ve never had the saggy, or bloated stomach before. Most of my weight was in my hips, and thighs (Toned). What should I do guys?

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy/ 1 vaginal birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 18 month old Daughter

Post C-Section Belly at 7 Months (Shaunna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 6 Comments

I am a 25 year old woman, who had her first baby delivered back in March via c-section. After 12 hours in labor and a dropping fetal heart rate, the doctors decided c-section was the way to go.

Since the c-section, I have had the hardest time trying to get my stomach back to where it was. Aside from the uncomfortable bulging and bloating around the site, my once smooth stomach is now also stretched, purple and flabby. By all appearances, I have lost the baby weight. I run 2 miles a day, and incorporate weights 3 times a week. However, I am still breastfeeding my son, and my stomach as you can plainly see, still looks like a post pregnancy belly.

While at first my self esteem plummeted, I have to admit, the new look has grown on me. It’s not what I am used to, but I have such an extraordinary son. He just lights up my whole life. My husband swears to me he still thinks I am beautiful. I tear up when I think of what an amazing vessel my body is, to have nourished, grown and birthed our amazing child.

SO, that being said… I wish I could hug all the moms that look in the mirror and aren’t always thrilled. However, sites like this are so awesome due to the acceptance that is promoted. I really don’t think I could stand it if I heard of one more woman who stopped eating because she didn’t like her body. I wish there were more being done to promote healthy, happy women and less self consciousness.