Belly

Empowered (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

Previous posts start here.

After 4 years. 3 posts. and alot of sweat and tears. I DID IT. lol. i wore a 2 piece confidently this summer! I dont think i EVER would have without this website. THANK YOU. im still not confident the way i would hope i would be, i still get insecure, but i def feel better. I still plan on a tummy tuck sometime in the future, but am in no rush, and even considering another baby :) ive been so scared about gaining weight, and the PPD, but im stronger now than i was then. SO who knows.

Thank you to the shape of a mother website!

If only I loved myself as much as I love my life… (Miss Meliss)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 18 Comments

I really do have a wonderful life. I have a beautiful son, a loving husband, a supportive mother, a best friend of almost 30 years. I am a student-nurse. I live in a nice, modern home. I drive a decent car. I have a dog, 2 cats and some fish. I laugh often, I love constantly. I do not want for anything…except my old body back. I am not a fan of what has become of Melissa. Matter of fact, I am completely devastated by how my body has changed. I am not ashamed of who I am, I am just tortured by the way I look. Writing this essay makes me queasy. The thought of attaching a photo? Downright nauseating. I cant look at myself in the mirror…and when I cast that fleeting glance, I think, “That is not me.”

Most of my life I considered myself fat. Key phrase being “I considered myself fat”. No one else ever thought I was. Matter of fact, most considered me rather shapely and thin. I am 5’8 and now 205lbs. And I detest what I look like. I have had BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) since my very early teens. I decided to journal to this site because I know I am not alone, that I am a garden variety postpartum mom, and I want to ease the hearts of other women as they have done for me. And while I am sickened by my physique, I am enamored by my life. I just wish I could figure out how to meld the two and accept myself for who I am and not by my size or how much I weigh. It has affected many aspects of my life. My self-esteem, my sexual attitudes, my style, my grooming…I just don’t feel like “me” and I really, really want to. I just seem to be preoccupied with my weight. I compare myself to every woman, and it just makes me feel worse. I don’t care to dress nicely or fix my make-up or hair. I don’t even care if I match. I want to draw the least bit of attention to myself. But then I look at my son…and none of that matters. And when my son is with me, attention is what we catch…and lots of it. I can make him laugh and smile, he had bonded to me like glue. He looks into my eyes and I know I am beautiful, because he sees the truth. He sees me with no judgement, none of the much influenced, unattainable norms. He sees Mommy…and he loves what he sees.
I gain 76 pounds with my angel. I weighed in at 238lbs on the day I had my C-section. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I dropped all of the years of dieting. I just let it go. I wanted to be able to eat copious amounts of whatever I wanted…and I did. And the doc never complained. Since I had started at a much meeker weight, no one really seemed to notice the scale (but they did remark on how rotund I was becoming with each passing month!) My little man entered the world kicking and screaming at a healthy 9lbs 9oz and 22inches long! He was a big’un. I was so swollen and distended antepartum that by the end of the second week I had lost 25lbs. And what was leftover was not nearly as “cute” as when he was still riding shotgun. I never got any postpartum complications. I didn’t even have any antepartum issues either. I had a wonderful, easy pregnancy. For the first time in my life I was able to live a life free of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. It felt good to be anticipating the arrival of my son. It felt marvelous to have my son. Every moment that I have spent with him has been the best moments of my life. While I long for the body of yesterday (er, yesteryear…) I wouldn’t trade in this body for the world. Without my fat, flabby, uncomfortable-in-my-own-skin body…I wouldn’t have the single most amazing treasure on earth. I love being a mommy. I love waking up to seeing his smiling, happy, exuberant little face. I love hearing the raspy, melodic and curious jibber-jabber. I adore that laugh. Oh my oh my, that laugh. And those two little teeth he has? Pure joy. I love how total strangers compliment his handsomeness. I love how people walk over
to me and tell me how wonderful of a mother I am…or they say my favorite, “That boy sure loves his mommy!” I have followers on my facebook, people who have never met us, that look forward to seeing my happy, sweet boy. I love when my mother hugs me and says to me: “You are beautiful, and you are the best mother I have ever seen…” And I know she means this. And I know she wishes I could just see the beauty in me. While I can take all the compliments and praise…I just don’t feel pretty anymore. I often say that if I could lose the weight “I’d have a perfect life”. Something I never thought I would ever have. My son has completed me, I just need that itsy bitsy complement. But, I will wait for it…I’m trying not to rush it. After seeing all you ladies post pictures and stories, I feel a bit better. I feel like a little breath can be taken, and a little pat on the back to congratulate me on my acceptance into the “Mommy Club”. Where great women come in all sizes. Where strong women have the right to complain. Where valiant women are awarded with the utmost love and admiration. If only I could just get back to me.

Age: 33
1 pregnancy 1 birth
10 months PP

Pictures 1,2 and 3 are me, 10m PP.
Pictures 4 and 5 are me pregnant
Picture 6 is me and my boy

(Misty)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Preemie, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

Age: 29
# of pregnancies: 3
Age of children: 10, 6, 4

There are a few things I have learned these past 10 years about motherhood:
#1. Creating life is the one experience that brings us the closest to God yet can make a women feel the most disconnected from herself.
#2. Things don’t always go the way we hope or plan.
#3. What bothers you at 20 will change when your 25.
#4. There is attraction in flaws and beauty from ashes, intrigue in scars.

I have 3 wonderful children, my 1st pregnancy 10 years ago was EASY! I was 18 going on 19 and felt great, my birth went quick and smooth, it was a vaginal birth, 7 hours of labor and done, lost the weight fast and absolutely no signs on my body (other than being bustier) that I had given birth… I have always been a scrawny girl, small hips and breasts and super thin waist. After my 1st I went back to exactly that. My 2nd pregnancy was tougher, it was 4 years later… I had my little girl 9 weeks early by csection and felt like a failure! Not only did I feel like I let her down for having her early, but I had to have her cut out surgically- needless to say my birth plan went out the window…this pregnancy I got some stretch marks on my hips and breasts and one on my right abdomen… But again I bounced back quick, the marks faded, you couldn’t even hardly see my c/s scar… Then came #3, he was not planned, but perfect! And he was such a great pregnancy, I went to term without any intervention, 2nd c section… I did not breast feed my 3rd, gained the most with him… Took me about a year to get down to my goal weight, but I managed to hang onto bigger breasts :) which was a plus, I have some loose skin on my abdomen, my abs are no longer “defined”, I have a small hernia in my belly button, previous stretch marks etched a little deeper, my nipples are more oval than circles, I have a “Lip” above my c/s scar which I HATE but it won’t go away no matter what I try, I am still petite but I have some curvier breasts and hips (which I happen to like and my husband says my curves drive him crazy)… Some days I feel super confident and sexy and others I feel insecure and wish I could change some things… But no matter what, those three little people were worth it… Every line, every soft spot, every dimple, every sag connects to a place in my heart :) each day I love myself more and more, I am in better shape than before I ever had kids, I eat healthy, workout 5 days a week and love how my body feels womanly :) bring on my 30s I am ready!!

My body has changed, but I feel better with myself. (Silvia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

Age: 27
Nr. of pregnancies and births: 1-1
Age of my baby girl: 3 months

When I learned I was pregnant, I tried a mix of emotions, fear, happiness, surprise … I thought it was a miracle, because I thought I could not get pregnant due to some problems. I was frightened by the thought of giving birth, the change of my body. I always used to be slim, with breasts not too big but very nice. Let’s be sincere, a woman is always asking what will happen to its appearance after pregnancy. Day after day I began to see the changes, the larger belly, the breast as well, the pink nipples become almost blacks and larger … but it is true, the thought of having a life inside you is stronger than everything. I had a caesarean because of eye problems. Julia was born May 23, 2011, and was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen until then. In the end I did not care how my body would be, but I prayed to hear the words “your baby is healthy.” I was lucky, I have to admit .. After less than a month already I was almost like before, and after 3 months as before. I chose to breastfeed, at the beginning it was hard, but now it’s been three months julia just takes my milk. My breast has changed, it’ s different than before, but I do not care, I now have a new priority … and everything else, including me, has gone into the background …

Not Comfortable in My Skin AT ALL! (Nat)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births:2 pregnancies 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: oldest is a 7 year old boy youngest a 3 year old daughter

I came upon your site last night as I was watching a documentary on Discovery home and health channel about moms who worry about their weight during pregnancy. since i live in Costa Rica i didn’t know about it.
when i got pregnant with my first kid i was 18 and 55kg around 125 lbs, and to tell the truth i never worried about the weight until after my son was born and i kept on gaining weight, when i got pregnant the second time i was a bit more heavy aroung 165lbs both my kids were born heatlhy and with good weight. ever since my daughter was born i haven’t been comfortable with my body i feel ugly and fat and to make matters worse last year i experienced a hair loss problem from which i am recovering now. my self steem is so low that i hate to look in the mirror and every time i have sex with my husband im embarressed because of the way i look and how fat i am. I recently got invited to a high school reunion which obviously im not attending becuase i don’t want everybody to see how fat and ugly i am!!!! i went to the doctor last week to find out that i weight 87kg (191 lbs) and she told me i was OBESE and it really made me feel WORSE about the way i look! im not confident at all in my skin no matter how many times my husband tells me he loves me, i wish i had a magic wand to make my body look good again or at least decent like many of the girls in here! i wouldn’t change my life for anything in the world don’t get me wrong! I love my kids and my husband BUT i hate my body!! i’ve taken all the weight loss pills known to humanity and nothing works and whenever i star working out i quit rather fast for no reason, i guess im just stuck being a fat mommy!

Learning to Be (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

My story starts in high school when I first started (unknowingly) with anorexia for a couple years. Fast forward to age 21. I got pregnant with my first. I was a healthy weight and honestly didn’t think about weight at that point in my life. I had a healthy baby girl that I had at home. I was happy and ate A LOT! I gained about 20lbs between my first and my second daughter. When I was 25 I was pregnant with my second daughter. Again, it was a beautiful homebirth. She was 10 pounds and did a number to my body! I got a lot of stretch marks but I was ok with it for the most part. At this point I thought I was done having my kids. I had 2 amazing daughters. After my second was born all I did was eat! My weight skyrocketed to 170lbs! I had gotten family vacation pictures back and realized just how heavy and out of shape I was so I decided to do something about it. I dieted. I was good at it! I lived at the gym and counted every morsel of calories that went in to my mouth. In that time I divorced my husband and kept on losing, and losing and losing….. another bout with anorexia. I thought I had in under control but no matter how thin I got I always felt I could be thinner. About 4 years after I divorced I reconnected with an old friend and we fell in love. He is an amazing man. I was upfront from the beginning that I struggled with anorexia and he supported me no questions asked. We were married a year later and in that time I had gotten very sick. I could barely walk and function as human. I was not the mother I wanted to be. My wedding day I weighed a mere 100lbs and I’m 5’10”. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to walk down the aisle I was so weak. Not only did I vow to love my husband through richer or poorer, I vowed to be there in sickness and in health and I promised I would get healthy again. The week after my honeymoon I did just that. It was the worst, hardest experience of my life. I gained 40lbs in just 1.5 months. Over the course of the next 6 months I gained another 10. I was miserable and depressed but in that time we realized something, we wanted a baby of our own. 3 days after deciding we were pregnant. It was a miracle because doctors weren’t sure if I could have kids again. 9 months and 30lbs later we had a 8lb 12oz baby girl at home.

I’ve been struggling with old habits. I’m trying to lose the baby weight the healthy way. I struggle with body image. By 8 weeks I had lost all the baby weight (30lbs) and now at 13 weeks postpartum I am 6 lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I still feel like I have a ways to go but I am learning acceptance and love for my body. It’s got stretch marks and my belly is a pile of loose skin. My boobs are huge and uncomfortable and my butt is nothing but cellulite but you know what? I’m ok with it. I have a loving husband and 3 amazingly beautiful daughters. I have been blessed in this life. I have lived through anorexia and I can now be a positive role model for my girls.

Pregnancy is a trip and what it does to your body is an even bigger trip but it’s a small price to pay for what you get out of it!

Age: 36
Number of births: 3 homebirths
Age of children: 14, 10, 3 months

1st picture: after 2 pregnancies anorexic but still kind of healthy
2nd picure: 9 months pregnant with 3rd daughter
3rd picture: 13 weeks postpartum

I Hate My Belly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 16 Comments

I stumbled across this website by luck. I was trying to search the internet for any type of helpful suggestions on how to “fix” my post baby belly and came across an article that mentioned this website. I’m 24 years old and just had my second baby 8 weeks ago. I have a son who is almost 3 years old.

I gained 50 pounds with my first pregnancy and 27 with my second. Before having children I weighed 125 lbs. Ever since I had my son I have been so hard on myself and the way my stomach looks. I hate it. I can never bring myself to take tops off in front of my husband. He says it doesn’t bother him, but I know he is just telling me that to not hurt my feelings. I feel like he is unattracted to me now. To top it off, one of my good friends who was pregnant the same time I was, her stomach looks just the same as it was pre-pregnancy which makes me beat myself up over how bad mine looks even more!

I feel like I’m always going to be unhappy about my body, I wish I could have a more positive outlook on it. Reading other articles on here has really made me feel like I’m not alone and has giving me some comfort so thank you.

4 Years Later and Still Insecure (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I have always been thin. I know this now. I can look back at pictures of of me and see it but at the time (and even now sometimes) I forget and all the anxiety comes back. I have always had self image issues to the point of crazy water diets and just plain not eating..Well when the news that I was preggo in my eggo came to front in Feb of 2007 that would all (mostly) change. I fought gaining weight the first 5 months of my pregnancy to the point where my doctor was using threats to get me to eat more than my self allotted calories. I don’t remember at what point exactly it was but I got over my fear of weight gain and throughout the pregnancy I gained 44lbs..9 months later a gorgeous baby girl was born and I couldn’t be happier (minus the whole deployed husband that could of been better). But as most of us know after the adrenaline of having a baby and sleepless nights are slowly less and less your body comes back into the picture with a screaming vengeance of “Look what you did to me”. I thought ok no big deal I will just do what I have always done and basically starve myself and work out until im back to “perfection”..HA little did I know that not only does having a baby change the appearance of your body but it changes EVERYTHING about your body..needless to say the starving diets and endless work outs did not work. Long story short I did loose the weight (the usual 20lbs dropped fast and i had to work for the next 20). When I got pregnant I was 5’9 130lbs today I am 5’9 and 135-140 (depending on stress..lol) and you know what thats ok (on my good days) my BMI is within healthy range and on the outside (with clothes on I look decent). I still struggle tremendously with my body image but what is so hard is that I KNOW I don’t look horrible but I feel like I do. And it’s exhausting. Every day throughout the day I am looking at a mirror and at my stomach and thighs and thinking “do i look fat?”..when I know I don’t but I don’t know how to make the fears and insecurities go away. Then I found this website where real women show real pictures and share real stories and I have hope that maybe someday soon what I know and what I see are the same thing.

The picture in the white pants is a week postpartum
The Picture in the green stripes is today 3/4 years postpartum
Red shorts the day i found out I was pregnant ( I was 14 wks)
Preggo pic day of delivery (kind of day I went into labor at least…)

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births:2 pregnancies 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: I girl age 3 (almost 4)

Genetics is Everything (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

I am 31 years old, my little one was born about 15 month ago, in May, 2010. Before my pregnancy my belly was absolutely flat, I was so proud of it. Although we needed c-section, because my baby’s head did not find its way out and my doctor did not want to risk anything after the water broke, my uterus became relatively small right after the delivery. Fortunately my skin could retain its flexibility, too, so unless one stares at my belly so closely, it is not obvious that I have a son.

Although I feel and know that my body is not exactly the same anymore (there are some tiny white stripes around my waist; there is a little bit more skin on my belly than there should be and in a way I am wider than I was before), those who do not see me naked cannot tell that I have already been pregnant.

I feel so lucky that I take after my mother, who has two children and still looks amazing. Thanks Mum, I love you!

No of pregnancies and births: 1

Pic 1: The change that 37 weeks of pregnancy brought
Pic 2: My belly from my perspective in the 37th week
Pic 3: My belly after 6 weeks
Pic 4: The scar after 6 weeks
Pic 5: After 15 weeks in clothes ;)

Update, 15 Year Old Mother (Terressa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 11 Comments

Previous entry here.

This is an update from my first submission here on SOAM. When I first typed this I had this whole long story about what I’ve been through the past year, but I realized it would be a VERY long story. So here’s a summary of my first year of motherhood (although it’s still fairly long):

I had my c-section on September 3rd last year, it was horrible and I never want to have another c-section in my life. EVER. The first few months were the hardest, especially after my daughter’s father had to leave to go back to Tennessee. I had hardly any help and was trying to do school work as well. Once my daughter got older and started crawling and sleeping through the night things were much easier. My mother went into a coma in March, and passed away in April. This was when I said “Away with you self-esteem problems!” What’s the point of wasting my life thinking about how much I want a perfect body. It won’t ever happen so I got over it. I can still live a fantastic life without a perfect body. At the time, me and my boyfriend were broken up, but he was still there for me after my mom died even though he also had another girlfriend at the time. After her death it was hard to pick myself back up. I was depressed constantly, I cried easily, I got pissed off at everyone for no reason, I stopped exercising and eating healthy, I wasn’t doing my school work. I reverted to self-harming, and my family saw it, but didn’t bother to ask why or get me any help. I picked myself up finally and I’ve been catching up on my school work (I’m about 5 months behind), I’ve been exercising daily again, and I’m just happier overall. My daughter was my only real motivation to pick myself up again, and without her I don’t know where I would be today. My boyfriend and I are back together, we’ve broken up several times (mostly because he still lives in Tennessee, long-distance relationships are hard to maintain), he’s found several different girls to replace me (all of them of course being much more gorgeous than myself, further plummeting my self-esteem), but in the end we always found ourselves going back to one another. He’s been there for me through everything, even if we weren’t together and even if we hated each other’s guts at the time. SO I’m hoping that things will only get better between us once he moves back to Florida this month. My daughter is almost one now and she’s hitting all of her milestones, she’s perfect, healthy, and happy. Everyone told me that because I was a 15-year-old mother I wouldn’t be able to properly raise her. Well this is my big SCREW YOU to who ever doubted me. I’ve raised this baby girl BY MYSELF for this whole year. My parents did NOT raise my daughter, I did. So every one who thinks that age defines your ability to be a parent can now admit how wrong they are.

For anyone wondering about my weight loss, by the end of my pregnancy I was 175lbs (which is HEAVY when you’re only 5’1″.) I was about 145lbs last time I submitted, I was a size 12, and a D-cup. Now I am about 120lbs, I am a size 7, and a B-cup. I’m very proud of how much weight I’ve lost, now I’m just hoping to tone up my body again and get rid of my still-pregnant looking tummy. My stretch marks have faded and are silver, but I have a wrinkly looking belly and that is the only thing I wish I could change.

Another side note: To any teen mothers out there struggling, there is hope. Life may seem bad, you may be behind in school, living in a crappy place, struggling with your appearance, dealing with a screaming child day after day after day, dealing with relationship problems, but just a take a few minutes each day to look at your child and remember why you’re going through everything. Without my daughter I don’t know what I’d do to stay sane. If you ever need advice, encouragement, or just to vent you can always email me at terressagallup AT gmail.com

Photos 1&2: Me now at 1 year PP.

Photo 3&4: Me & my daughter when she was first born/ Me & my daughter now.

Photo 5 : My babygirl <3 Photo 6: A picture of me & my mom when I was a baby, I realize that this doesn't have much to do with my post but I want to include it because my mother was the strongest woman I've ever known and if I can be even a fraction as strong as she was I'll be happy. ~Age: 16 ~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy/ 1 Birth ~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year. [gallery]