I have always been thin. I know this now. I can look back at pictures of of me and see it but at the time (and even now sometimes) I forget and all the anxiety comes back. I have always had self image issues to the point of crazy water diets and just plain not eating..Well when the news that I was preggo in my eggo came to front in Feb of 2007 that would all (mostly) change. I fought gaining weight the first 5 months of my pregnancy to the point where my doctor was using threats to get me to eat more than my self allotted calories. I don’t remember at what point exactly it was but I got over my fear of weight gain and throughout the pregnancy I gained 44lbs..9 months later a gorgeous baby girl was born and I couldn’t be happier (minus the whole deployed husband that could of been better). But as most of us know after the adrenaline of having a baby and sleepless nights are slowly less and less your body comes back into the picture with a screaming vengeance of “Look what you did to me”. I thought ok no big deal I will just do what I have always done and basically starve myself and work out until im back to “perfection”..HA little did I know that not only does having a baby change the appearance of your body but it changes EVERYTHING about your body..needless to say the starving diets and endless work outs did not work. Long story short I did loose the weight (the usual 20lbs dropped fast and i had to work for the next 20). When I got pregnant I was 5’9 130lbs today I am 5’9 and 135-140 (depending on stress..lol) and you know what thats ok (on my good days) my BMI is within healthy range and on the outside (with clothes on I look decent). I still struggle tremendously with my body image but what is so hard is that I KNOW I don’t look horrible but I feel like I do. And it’s exhausting. Every day throughout the day I am looking at a mirror and at my stomach and thighs and thinking “do i look fat?”..when I know I don’t but I don’t know how to make the fears and insecurities go away. Then I found this website where real women show real pictures and share real stories and I have hope that maybe someday soon what I know and what I see are the same thing.
The picture in the white pants is a week postpartum
The Picture in the green stripes is today 3/4 years postpartum
Red shorts the day i found out I was pregnant ( I was 14 wks)
Preggo pic day of delivery (kind of day I went into labor at least…)
~Number of pregnancies and births:2 pregnancies 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: I girl age 3 (almost 4)