Before Pregnancy

Wanting accept my body changes (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

August 26, 2008 was the day i found out i was pregnant, this day was also my boyfriend’s birthday (what a birthday gift I gave him…hahaha). So I woke up that morning and for some reason I thought maybe I’d take a home pregnancy test because the day before I was worrying since we weren’t using protection. When I saw that positive I was so distraught, very scared and clueless of what to do. I barely turned 18 and my boyfriend was turning 17. Both very young with a big future ahead of us and finding out we we’re expecting wasn’t very easy to accept. We both thought about abortion and I made an appointment, the day came and the doctor told me the baby was too little to be seen in sonogram, I was probably less than 4 weeks and arranged another appointment 2 weeks later. During those 2 weeks so much changed.

I was living with my best friends family. I told my best friend I was pregnant and it was suppose to be a secret. She told her mom and she was against the abortion and talked to me about the choices I could do but abortion wasn’t an option. That day I realized I couldn’t kill the love I’ve made with my boyfriend. I felt very stupid for ever thinking I could abort and felt selfish. There’s a reason why these things happen. I thought to myself that if i would have aborted I would have felt like a coward and would have not owned up to my responsibilities for the actions i made. Each day passed and I was very happy with my choice except thinking of what my body would end up like.

I’ve always been a girl with low self-esteem my height didn’t help (4’11) and knowing that my body would change drastically wasn’t something I liked to accept, all the stretch marks and a big belly. Though days went on and I was happy that I had a real easy pregnancy with no morning sicknesses, I was able to sleep good even to the last day, and still no stretch marks. Until the last month was when I was able to see my stretch marks, they weren’t very visible but I knew they we’re there.

The day my water broke was May 1st and I was nervous, excited, scared, so many mixed emotions I just couldn’t wait to meet my little one I had been carrying inside me for 9 months. I was having trouble during labor. My cervix wasn’t dialating and after 10 hours I only dialated barely 2 centimeters. Doctor told me I had to get a c-section. I was very upset at first because this was not how I planned on how I wanted to give birth. On May 2, 2009 I gave birth to a beautiful healthy daughter named Hailey weighing 7 lbs. and 7 ounces and 18 inches long.

It’s been almost about 4 months since I gave birth and I am very proud and happy young mom. I love being a mother and I am very glad that I didn’t go through with the abortion because I know if I did I would never be able to forgive myself.

Everything is great except one thing. I love daughter so much but I’m still learning to accept my body. So far I’ve learned to accept my stretch marks because I know somehow one way or another my belly had to stretch for new life I was carrying and also because my stretch marks we’re made with love because of my little one. I just don’t like my sagging tummy and I just don’t feel good about my image. I see how many girls my age would dress and I would like to feel good in what I dress in and not worry about how I look or people say. Sometimes it helps when my boyfriend tells me that I shouldn’t worry that he still loves the way I look and my tummy is special because that’s where Hailey came out from. But I guess it’ll take sometime. I’m just glad that I was able to give life because she makes everything so worth it.

below are some pictures

1. Before pregnancy
2. 39 weeks pregnant
3. Hailey’s latest picture
4. 16 weeks postpartum front view
5. side view

Age: 19
Number of pregnancies & birth: 1
Age age of my child: 3 months and 4 weeks

Self appreciation, finally. (Cynthia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

Pregnancy can make you feel like your body is no longer your own. It can ruin your self-esteem and make you hate the shell you’re living in. But for some people pregnancy can finally make you feel like your body is WORTH something. This is my story…

I’ve always been a bigger girl. I’ve hated my body my entire adult life. I have had stretch marks everywhere since I was 14. I went from a size 11 to a size 22 in about 4 years. It was devastating and I never thought I’d be able to love myself.
My fiance and I started trying to conceive in December of 2006. I knew that it would be a long hard road. (I have PCOS and it took a while to find out I wasn’t actually ovulating despite having normal periods thanks to Metformin.) I worked on my diet and I tried to exercise, knowing that losing weight would help my fertility and boost my confidence. I fluctuated between losing and gaining the same 10 pounds the entire time we tried to make this happen.
I am 5’4″ and weighed 247 pounds the day we got our positive pregnancy test. Surprisingly I’ve lost 11 pounds since then and I feel better about my body than I ever have in my entire life. I haven’t changed pants sizes or shirt sizes. I’ve gotten rounder and now that I finally look pregnant at 23 weeks I feel fabulous.
I may be overweight (according to most weight charts–morbidly obese) but god damn, I can make a human life, and that is what this is all about. My body can do what a size 6 body can do, what a size 11 body can do, what most women can do… and in the process make me happier than I have been in my life.

And for good measure, a pre-pregnancy picture, from about November 2006. And a belly picture from yesterday at 23 weeks 3 days pregnant.

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: This is my first pregnancy.

3 Weeks Postpartum (Anna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 30 Comments

Age: 24
Number of pregnancies/ births: 1
Age of child/postpartum: 3 weeks

My whole life I never really wanted children, I was always much more concerned with myself; somehow I picked up my mothers school of thought and am unable to leaving the house without my ‘face’ on or dressed properly. So to say the least I was and still am a little bit on the vain side. I loved my body and the summers when I would get to show it off in a cute little bikini at the river. But I changed my mind about children and now sadly also about my body.

Pregnancy was pretty easy on me, or so I thought! I gained 30 pounds and up until the day I gave birth I ~thought~ I only had a 5 small stretch marks (yes, I counted!). Boy was I wrong!! How come no one ever talks about how some stretch marks are invisible until after birth?! My husband had gone home to let our dogs out and I was alone in my recovery room, which is where I got the first look at my postpartum body. I couldn’t believe the person I was looking at in the mirror was me. I don’t think I have ever cried so much over how I look. I couldn’t shake the idea that my body was ruined. I have so many stretch marks, my entire stomach is covered in them, and since they are not red it just makes my tummy look like a gelatinous bowl of cottage cheese that rolls over the top of my pants. And upon taking up my usual shaving routine at home I noticed that I also have stretch marks under my pubic hair! And then a few days later while looking in the mirror I saw something I have never seen mentioned on this website, I have stretch marks going into my butt crack, how is that even possible!! Not to mention extremely embarrassing, so if you’re reading this and you have them, you are not alone! I also have them on my boobs, which doesn’t bother me actually since I never liked showing them off anyhow.

So now it is three weeks since my little princess was born and I still can not shake my feelings of ugliness, I feel like I will never be confident or feel sexy again. The worst part is that I actually feel like I am letting my husband down by looking so terrible, he is so sweet and tells me that he thinks my new body is sexy, but I can not help but think he is just lying to me. And the thought of taking my shirt off in front of him makes me cringe. I used to walk around our house naked half the time, but now I don’t even want to sleep next to him without a shirt covering my stomach. And all of these feelings of being unconfident and sorry for myself make me feel guilty, because it seems like such an unimportant thing to worry about, but I just can not help it.

There are three upsides to my experiences though.

One – I had purchased a ‘belly bandit’ band to wear postpartum, and though full of stretch marks, my stomach has gone down extremely fast. One more inch and I’ll be able to button my pre-pregnancy jeans! Woo hoo!

Two – this website, which has made me feel so much better about myself. I can not thank you all enough for the support you unknowingly have shown me.

And of course the biggest upside is my beautiful daughter. She is completely worth all the issues I am having with my own body; I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Pictures: 1 of 3 days postpartum, 2 of 3 weeks postpartum and 1 just before I got pregnant.

Coming to grips with a cesarean (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 39 Comments

I found this website before I ever even got pregnant, and I have checked back on an almost daily basis ever since, to read new posts. I think the concept is fantastic, and have been waiting for months until I could do my own post. Now, at three weeks postpartum, I think I’ve waited long enough!

My pregnancy was planned, long-awaited, and relatively simple. I had horrible nausea that set in at 4 ½ weeks, but I never actually threw up. Aside from two bleeding scares (at 6 and 28 weeks), I had no complications up until the very end. I told my husband that I felt like I kind of missed the memo on being pregnant, because I didn’t experience the “normal” swelling, mood swings, elevated body temperature or extreme clumsiness that you always read about.

I have a long torso, so my belly never got really big. An early delivery and daily application of cocoa butter kept me from getting any stretch marks on my stomach, but I did get them all over my thighs, butt and lower back. For some reason that doesn’t bother me as much as the thought of having them on my stomach. They’re small, not very dark, and should fade well. I went from 142 pounds at my 8 week appointment to 176 the morning I delivered, and at 3 weeks postpartum I’m already down to 155—no complaints there. I have some flab on my belly (that I know I can get rid of once I’m allowed to exercise—I’m SO TIRED of being out of shape!), and I don’t know if my butt will ever fit into my old pants again, but again—that doesn’t really bother me. My pants didn’t fit all that well to begin with, so I’m okay with having to buy new ones. I went from a 32F pre-pregnancy to an unbelievable 34H with nursing, and I can already tell that my breasts will sag after I wean my daughter. My husband doesn’t seem to mind, he just enjoys the fact that they’re so big! I still have a great overall shape, and that’s what matters to me.

I was planning on a totally natural birth, partly because I’ve wanted to give birth ever since I was a little girl, and partly because I’m terrified of epidurals. At my 34 week appointment, my doctor discovered that my baby was breech. Two weeks later, an ultrasound not only confirmed the breech presentation, but showed that my amniotic fluid levels were “borderline”. Five “restful” days later, they had dropped to “low”, and I was put in the hospital so I could have IV fluids. Three days after that they hadn’t increased, and I had to have a C-section (epidural included) at 36 weeks and 6 days. I was devastated. I went from wanting the most natural birth possible to getting the most unnatural. Instead of being in the hospital for 2-3 days, I spent a whole week there, most of it very uncomfortably.

The first week or two postpartum were hard. I felt like I had failed. I somehow felt like less of a woman because I didn’t get to participate in the birth of my own child. I was not allowed to wait to go into labor because the fluid was too low, so I have a child and still have no idea what a contraction feels like. I feel like I got cheated out of an experience I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I wanted somebody or something to blame for the whole experience (most of my frustration got taken out on my job, which caused an inordinate amount of stress during the last few months. I don’t plan on returning to the same job). My biggest fear is that I won’t be able to have ANY of my children naturally now, just because the first one was a cesarean. And it seems like nobody really understands how I feel. Nobody can understand why I WANT to go through labor, and the response I always get is “well at least the baby is safe.” I don’t begrudge the fact that my daughter is here and healthy, but I can still lament the fact that she had to arrive in the way she did. I have yet to find anybody (other than my husband) that can appreciate that those are two different feelings. The reactions of others make me feel like I’m selfish for having wanted to be able to give birth on my own, like I was putting my own desires above the well-being of my child. I’ve come more to grips with the cesarean the more time has passed (I’ve stopped crying for hours at a time every time I think about it), but there’s still that lurking fear of a repeat, and the feeling that I missed out on something big.

The pictures are 9 weeks pregnant (the closest I have to pre-pregnancy), 36 weeks and two days pregnant (the last ones I took of my whole body before she was born), two weeks postpartum (I haven’t taken any new ones since then), and my beautiful little girl.

My age: 25 years old
Number of pregnancies and births: one
How far postpartum: 3 weeks

Updated here, here and here.

I feel so accomplished, Beautiful & new (Brie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

I was shown this site early on in pregnancy. I was blown away! I also realized during my pregnancy that media is really trying to make women feel like shit. scare the crap out of us about pregnancy & then some hahahaha. I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry…well except tears of joy. Remember without birth there would be no us. It has been done for millions of years….Really makes you think why the hell isn’t it more praised & appreciated. My baby weight is quickly falling off. I gained almost 100lbs while pregnant. I had a completely normal & healthy pregnancy. I feel like a new person. I knew my body so well before Now I need to re learn it. Which I find exciting! My stretch marks & c section scar are my mommy marks. I am proud of them I gave birth to an amazingly handsome 9lbs little man. I think all women should be proud of what our bodies can do.

~Your Age:19
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:3wks 5dys

My Slow Road of Weight Loss (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

I gave birth to my beautiful son in February 2009 & have slowly lost all but 15 lbs of my baby weight. I have been staying accountable with my diet & exercise by logging everything online at a free weight loss support group. While I am not 110% body confident, I no longer stress about it b/c I have such a beautiful gift because of it. I used to be very pre-occupied with how my body looked, now I am simply happy to eat & exercise to be healthy, not to be the skinniest of all of my friends.

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy & 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months PP

My photos are 5 weeks pregnant, 40 weeks pregnant, 4 weeks PP, 8 weeks PP, 12 weeks PP & 24 weeks PP

I Thought I Would be Hideous (Alesia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Complications During or After Birth, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

as many of the stories i read on here during my pregnancy have said, i thought i was going to look hideous, i of course to was worried about the streach marks, saggy skin, disformed belly button, and all the other things you hear that come along with being a mother, i was terrified. and of course i, just like everyone else, was very body conscience before getting pregnant. but after going through a horrible ordeal,of being pre eclaptic, a 102 temp, b/p of 118/100, an irregular heart beat, fluid in my lungs, one collapsing, and being airlifted to a totally different hospital than my baby to be put in ICU and not even getting to see my son his first 5 days of life, i look at my body and its not all that bad. i gained somewhere close to 50 pounds during my pregnancy the last 20 i gained in the 3 weeks before i had my baby. i am back down to my pre pregnancy weithg of 135, granted i did get streatch marks the night before the morning i went in to labor.or atleast thats when i noticed them. they did end up on the top of my thighs as well, from me being pumped full of so much fluid during labor.( i didnt even lose any wight after birth, i actually gained 2 pounds after being in labor for 13 hrs), granted my belly button isnt disformed but it does look different since i had my baby, and though there isnt saggy skin per say, it is squisher than it once was, and i have one of those brown lines that might not go away. it could be much worse, i could not have my son at all, either way… we all age, and the skin we have today, will go away eventually and be nothing more than a memory
postpartum: 7 weeks
first pic: the day i found out i was pregnant
next: my tummy while pregnant, at 35 weeks
other 3, me today, the last one showing my wonderful c-section scar

Two Blessings (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 17 Comments

Age: 24
Pregnancies: 1
Children: 2

I was told round 20 years old that I would not be able to have children. Then at 23 I had some further complications and the Dr’s did a surgery to remove massive growths on my ovaries and told me it was a long shot, but if I wanted to try and have children now was the time. Within two months I was pregnant. I went in at 8 weeks with heavy bleeding and tissue… I thought I had miscarried, they did an immediate ultrasound and said “There is heartbeat A, and there is heartbeat B…” My husbands mouth dropped and I just laughed. Come to find out I had had a miscarriage (I was preggo with triplets) but still had two healthy heartbeats! We were ecstatic! The first 20 weeks my pregnancy were great, I was working out, had only gained about 16lbs and really looked good (so I thought) then I went in and my world changed… I was diagnosed with an incompetant cervix and was told I was funnelled out to about 2mm of cervix left… I was put on strict bedrest. Needless to say week after week I kept trucking along. At 28 weeks they told me 2 weeks longer of pregnancy would be a miracle… at 30 weeks I was thinned to .7mm and dialted to 2 cm… still pregnant and still had two healthy babies! At 35 weeks I went into preterm labor and was dialted to 5cm and completely thinned out, but my contractions stopped and I was sent home… at 37 weeks I had no change… I had now gained 70lbs and had more water retention than most had ever seen in the hospital (so they say) Finally at 38 weeks and one day they started me on pitocin and after 5 hours only dilating to a 7 they broke my water and gave me my epi and 11 hours I pushed out our little girl and 52 minutes later I pushed out our boy… they were a healthy 6lbs each! We were told we would never have children and now have two beautiful babies… now back to me!

I had a really hard time gaining weight, I was 140lbs prepregnancy, but with only 18% body fat, I have always been active and have worked out my whole life and try hard to stay at a healthy size 6… I gained 70lbs and had bad bleeding for 3 months after my pregnancy… I only lost 40lbs the first 4.5months post pregnancy… finally I was given the okay to start working out again, I was no longer in my size 6’s but more in a size 11/12… I have been working out for 2.5 months and have lost an additional 15lbs… I still have 15 to go, but I am feeling better about my body and my progress. Our babies are healthy and happy and everytime I get down on myself about how awful I look, I just look at their beautiful smiles and tell myself that it’s a miracle I was able to bring them to this earth and that my body will one day be acceptable… my husband loves me more than before and still finds me sexy (he tells me this often!) Thank you for this site, I feel so lucky to share my experience and feel a little better about being a woman…

The first picture is pre-pregnancy at 138lbs
The second picture is me a day before delivering
The third-fifth are my 7 months PP pictures at 160lbs
and the final are my gorgeous babies

Beauty in a Magazine

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Body Image, Link, News 38 Comments

Thank you, Glamour, for this!

0814-lizzie-miller_vg

She is beautiful. Even more so that someone in corporate got a clue that THIS is what we want (need) to see. Despite the fact that it was such a small photo, I am glad it was printed at all. Next step: bigger photo.

(It does make me want to vomit a little, though, that she is considered plus sized in terms of modeling – look at the definition in her body! She’s perfect.)

Mother of a Princess (MommaMykah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Mother of a Princess

I’m 27 years old and a proud mother of an eight month old princess. She is my first and only child.

I’ve never been self-conscious about by body (in fact I loved my body) until after I had my baby and my breast went from pointy and perky to sagging and looking at the ground. My once flat tummy is now a flabby tummy, that I can work on but the breast are really making me depressed.

I was searching around on breast sites looking for company in my pity party and I came across this website. No one tells you that when you become a mommy you would never look the same again. All the celebrity images we are bombarded with make us feel like we are not beautiful anymore, well that’s how I felt anyway. But this website a shape of a mother got me thinking, that I am normal and my breast are normal for a mother and I am beautiful. I have read other mom’s stories and it has given me such strength and courage to love my body once again. Though I am not back at the mirror viewing stage, I am learning little by little to accept my sagging breasts, for I have breast fed my baby to a healthy weight, and I am learning to love my stretch marks for they are battle scars for borning a princess and my flabby tummy for it held my Princess close to me as she grew.

Thank you to all of the posts they have given me the boost I needed to love myself again, breast included :) .

Below are pictures of my body before my princess and 8 months after my princess. See her attached too.

MommaMykah