Before Pregnancy

My Submission (Jeanne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 21. I was scared, I was doing it alone without my daughter’s father in the picture. Throughout my pregnancy I was afraid of what changes might happen to my body. I used to love my body and now I am still learning to accept the changes. I hit my prepregnancy weight and only gained 23 pounds while pregnant but I got stretch marks and things just aren’t as taught on my stomach anymore. I’m hoping that in time the skin will continue to shrink and I love my daughter to pieces so it has all been worth it.

Attached is a pre-pregnancy picture, a 1-week postpartum picture, and then a 4 month post partum picture, as well as a picture of my daughter and i. I don’t have a current one but it’s all the same.

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 months postpartum

Updated here and here.

Ce la Vie (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Question, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean) 5 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Births and Pregnancies: 1
Age of Baby and Months Postpartum: 6 months

My story begins in March of 2008 when I had an abdominal myomectomy to remove a 3 1/2 lb fibroid leaving me with an scar that was much larger than a c-section scar. Then six short months later I found myself pregnant, a huge surprise to my boyfriend and I. We had just gotten back together after being apart for 2 months while he went to AA and anger management bc I said no I wouldn’t deal with it anymore.

My pregnancy was not the easiest pregnancy. I immediately started to have cramping which lasted well into my 2nd trimester, during which time the cramps turned into premature contractions, they told me I had not allowed myself to heal enough from the abdominal myomectomy and bc the fibroid was on the broad ligament that supported everything.

I was a workout fanatic before and during my pregnancy up until I was placed on bed rest. Bed rest was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through since I am such an active person. Once I was released I walked and walked and even danced at 39 1/2 weeks to get my baby here on time or early. As it turns out she was born naturally on her due date at a healthy 7 lbs 11oz and 20 inches.

After I had my daughter I was not expecting all the loose and saggy skin. Since I was so toned before pregnancy I hadn’t even considered the possibility that my stomach would never look the same. Having been heavy once before as a teenager and then loosing the weight, my stomach was always my pride bc it was completely flat and toned. I didn’t get stretchmarks until my 8th month I cried for a week. I gained a total of 35 lbs and lost 20 in the first two weeks. Now I just don’t feel that I have a gorgeous body anymore or that I should be in better shape by now. O and by the way my mother had major surgery 2 weeks after I gave birth and would have died had I not been in her hospital room. Because my relationship is on a precarious ledge in my opinion it makes it worse because I dread the thought of maybe having to go out into the cruel world with a scared, deflated stomach. But I have my beautiful daughter who is the sunshine in my life. Your life truly does change when you have a baby in every way, I look at my peers around me and they suddenly seem childish and young. I have my good days and bad with my stomach and body image, but Ce la vie. And what a beautiful life this is.

I just have 2 questions:
1: Will the sagging and creasing get any better with time and proper toning techniques or will it stay this way?
2: Will the dark stretchmarks around my pelvis lighten?

Any suggestions or comments are greatly appreciated :) thank you for listening!

My photos:
1: My stomach as it is today
2: Pre-baby
3:My Beautiful Baby Girl
4: A blurry picture of my abdominal myomectomy scar
5: My side profile as of now

Belly (Kelley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

My name is Kelley and I have a 7 month old son. He is my only child. I was around 135 lbs when I got pregnant at the age of 21. I was a bellydancer with an amazing stomach. During my pregnancy I ate all the wrong things and I am paying for it now. I gained around 60 lbs during my pregnancy. I am down to 166 right now but I hate working out and I don’t know what to do. I have so much extra skin and fat and flab all around my waste. My breasts used to be uneven but now they are completely horrible. I used to feel beautiful and confident and now I seriously HATE my own body. I feel like I will never be able to feel comfortable wearing a bathing suit ever again. I am so young and it really sucks to feel this way about myself. I am attaching a before and an after picture.

My Body 6 Weeks Postpartum (Angela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

23 years old
6 weeks postpartum, 1st baby
225lbs

My name is Angela. Ive been a yoyo dieter all my life. Ive had plus sized years, and normal weight years… (about 130-160 lbs) Ive struggled all my life with it though. My mother would always criticize me about my weight starting from about 12 years old. Funny thing was, I was not fat. Not even overweight really. But I always believed her. Why wouldnt I? So when I ate better and lost a little weight to be 130 lbs at 5’5, (in my teens) she still hounded me, asking when I was going to continue dieting. Imagine feeling FAT at 130lbs. I felt terrible then. Then worse when i would gain weight and realized that I was not fat before, I was fat NOW. During my teens i had never been fat. I would just fluctuate between 130-150 lbs. I realize now that those are nice, normal weights. When I became an adult, I started to gain weight more and more. I would get depressed, thinking I was terribly fat, no one would want me, so I would just eat more and gain more. I got to my highest weight at the time of 215 lbs. I finally became so lonely and sad, I went on a super diet/exercise regimen. I got to 160ish lbs again. I felt great! I loved how i looked, could wear sexy clothes again, and i had huge confidence! I met my now fiance at that time. We met, fell in love, moved in together. He had always been a bigger guy, and as the relationship went on, I gained weight again gradually. in 3 years i had creeped up to 230ish lbs. And he SWEARS he never noticed a difference since we started dating. HELLO? 60lbs?? how do you not notice that? But, he loved me the same, and found me just as sexy as the day we met. We have a great reltionship, and hes done oodles for my confidence. :) But, old habits die hard, and no matter how much he tries, i still feel fat and ugly often. I got pregnant at 225lbs, had a vaginal birth, and since having the baby, Im back to the same weight 6 weeks post-partum. I want to try losing weight again, but im waiting till i get more of a hang on being a new mommy. I look almost the same as before pregnancy.. i have a few more stretch marks, (but im used to them, got em in the early teens from anywhere that i grew!) but my tummy now HANGS and is so ugly. I came to terms with being a bigger girl pre-baby, and was happy with my figure generally…. bigger, but curvy and sexy. Now i feel like i have an ugly hanging stomach and it just totally ruins my silhouette. And the worst part is, Its just hanging skin that I can only get back to normal by having a tummy tuck or something. I try not to look too much in the mirror lately, cause I get too depressed. My fiance tells me i look great still, but its hard to believe. :( But i dont harp on it. I spend my days with my little boy, enjoying the new life we have together. I find myself thinking a little less about my appearance lately, and instead i think about all the things i get to experience with my son. And no matter how my future children look, i will never criticize in the same way my mother had. I want my children to love themselves. :)

pic 1-4, 6 weeks PP
pic 5 1year or so pre-pregnancy

thanks for listening :)
Angela

Healing Takes Time But I’m On My Way (F)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 1 birth. 5 months postpartum.

I finally am ready to share my story and photos. I have been reading other women’s stories on Shape of a Mother since I was 6 months pregnant or so. They really helped to change my views of my own and other women’s bodies. I now believe that every woman is beautiful. Being a mother is especially beautiful, to me.

I met Michael in July of 2008 and even with our 16-year age difference (I’m 23 now), we fell in love and decided to have a baby. I discovered I was pregnant in November 2008. My pregnancy was healthy, though I was very morning sick for a few months and I also gained about 90 pounds . I was very skinny when I met Michael and by the time I got pregnant I had gained about 20 pounds and was at a perfect weight (160 lbs- I am 5’10”).

Pregnancy brought out a lot of emotional issues, some I didn’t even realize I had. I learned a lot about myself, but unfortunately I had some pretty extreme arguments and fights with my close friends and my mother. Michael and I also began arguing a lot. Luckily my friends and mom eventually understood and forgave me, but over time the fighting really started to disturb Michael, who was (and is, I believe) struggling with his own inner problems of depression and anxiety. I kept promising him that it would get better once I had the baby.

Sophia was born in August 2009, at which time Michael and I were getting ready to buy a home for our family (we had talked about marriage but at that point we definitely felt we should take it one step at a time). My water broke one evening after I woke up from a nap, and 8 hours later, my daughter was born. I had an epidural at 9 cm (we didn’t know how far I was until after I got it!), and there were no complications. It was the best and scariest day of my life. I now know what it is like to fall in love with someone you KNOW you will always love! Giving birth really does help you to learn how to work with your body, and if I ever have another one, I would like to try and skip the epidural all together.

So, Michael took 7 weeks of his paid vacation time to be with me and the baby. It was great, but tiring and stressful. We still continued to argue over the tiniest things. I had to learn to let him do things his way with the baby (leave the room if you have to, I figured out! Haha). In October, Michael dropped a bomb on me: He wanted me to move out, and he was canceling the house deal.

I was shocked, hurt, angry, and in denial. I talked to friends and family (whom I love dearly but are not the type of friends or family that I could just go and stay with…) and I decided to stand my ground and say, “I’m not moving out yet. I’m only 8 weeks postpartum!” Sophia and I moved into her nursery and we continued our breastfeeding relationship. Things began to get extremely tense with Michael. One day we discussed how things would be as far as him seeing our daughter when we moved out. We ended up arguing because he thought he should have her some nights out of the week since he had been getting up with her for one night-time feeding (she had, and still has, 3 per night). I disagreed, because I knew it would compromise our breastfeeding arrangement, and I was not prepared to let her sleep somewhere without me at such a young age.

Eventually Michael filed for a PFA (Protection from Abuse) with the court due to “verbal abuse.” The PFA also included an eviction which is what he was after. He just wanted me out, immediately. I had been resisting moving out because I had not worked since I was 5 months pregnant and he had been supporting me. He was my only source of income. I was also really nervous to live alone again, and even more nervous to live alone with Sophia. After a lot of anxiety, crying, feeling sorry for myself, and praying, I agreed to move out if he paid for the move and if he agreed to pay monthly child support. I am a part time student and when I start school again this semester I will also have student loans to live off of. So financially I WILL be taken care of, I just need to learn to budget.

So now Sophia and I live one block away from her father (that’s right, I moved into an apartment building one block away). He has her 3 hours a day. It’s not a lot of time but it’s better than none! He will also be watching her when I take my classes at school. Though as of yet, we are not friends (tried that and it didn’t really work….he doesn’t want me to come into his apartment because he needs his space, and although it seems extreme, I can understand it, sort of.) I am hoping that one day we will be able to get along as friends do. We do still communicate about our daughter and we both love her very much. She’s healthy, and happy, and adorable! I have a therapy session once a week and am learning ways to cope as a single mother. I am sloooowly losing the weight and though I haven’t been exercising much since I moved out, I plan to start again. I am still breastfeeding as well. I really love it and Sophia really loves it, so I want to do it as long as I can!

Sharing my story with all of you is part of my healing process. I could keep analyzing the “whys” of the situation, and keep thinking of all the things I did wrong and could have changed, but that is not what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to be a good mother to Sophia, and that is what I plan to be. Although things did not turn out the way I had hoped, imagined, planned for, and wanted so desperately, they turned out the way they were supposed to, and the best part is- it’s not over- I have a whole life to keep living with my daughter, and I am in charge of my destiny!

Thank you for reading this.

PS. I could have easily gotten Postpartum Depression (and still could!), but I have been on the lookout for it. I have added fish oil capsules to my supplement routine and they have really helped my mental and physical health!

Picture Captions:
#1: About 4 weeks pregnant.
#2: 20 days before giving birth (1 week late!)
#3. 5 months PP.

Learning to accept my new body and hopefully one day love! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 6 Comments

– 22 years old
– 1st pregnancy
– 4 weeks postpartum

Firstly I would like to say that I think this website is absolutely fantastic! During and following my pregnancy, this site has made me realise that I’m not the only person struggling to come to terms with my new body and anyone who posts pictures of themselves and parts of their bodies that they’re unhappy with (and happy for that matter) are so brave! So to all you mothers who are also struggling, I want to say thanks for making me realise I am not alone!

I gave birth to my beautiful little boy on the 3rd December this year! I am 4 weeks post-partum to this day! Before I was pregnant I weighed just under 11 stone, I was a curvy and volumptuous size UK 12/14. I’ve never really had any major issues with the way I looked, I’d have my ‘fat’ days, but generally I was happy. Throughout my pregnancy I put on a total of about 28 pounds and it generally was all on my belly, so as far as I’m concerned I did quite well. Towards the end I was huge, I also went over by 13 days, so I don’t think this helped either!

Then on the 3rd December 2009 I gave birth to Noah, who in my eyes is the most perfect and beautiful little boy ever! He weighed a very healthy 9 pounds, which explains why I was so huge towards the end!!!

I’m now 4 weeks post partum and I am only 7 pounds heavier than what I was before I had him, so I haven’t got an awful lot to lose, however, it’s not the weight that I’m unhappy about, but the amount of stretchmarks and the way that my body has altered! I didn’t really have many stretchmarks whilst I was pregnant, but then from about week 35 they just came everywhere! There’s now not a part of me that hasn’t got a stretchmark! I’ve got them on my thighs, behind my knees, all over my belly, my bum and my boobs! People keep telling me they’ll fade, but this doesn’t make me feel any better! I want to cry just thinking about the way I look, I actually disgust myself! I hate the way my once perk boobs are no longer and feel almost empty and drooping, my thighs and bum are now so out of shape it’s unreal, I’ve got like a pouch on my belly and my sides are now fatty, which hides what once was my womanly curves! I’m ashamed to even show my body to my partner, who constantly reassures me that he’s not bothered and that I still look beautiful, but I don’t and can’t believe him for one second! If it wasn’t for my partner being at the hospital whilst a midwife checked my stomach, he still wouldn’t have seen it to this day!

I feel so awful and ashamed of myself for feeling so resentful towards my body, because if it wasn’t for my body and the changes it went through, I wouldn’t have my little boy. But I can’t help but hate the way I look! People keep telling me the stretch marks will fade and nothing that a bit of spinning can’t sort out, but I don’t believe them!

I just wish now when I had my body before – which has now long gone – I had appreciated and loved it more, as to be honest it was pretty good, even if I say so myself!!! But for now I’m learning to accept myself and hopefully once I can accept myself, I can then learn to love myself once more!

I’ve attached a picture of firstly my little boy, before I was pregnant and me at about 34 weeks pregnant! I haven’t attached any of me post-partum as it would mean having to get my partner to take them and I’m not yet ready for him to see me! But hopefully in time I will have the courage to post pictures of my post-partum body!

Updated here and here.

Staying Hopeful. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Infertility, No Photos (Story Only), PCOS, Question, Submissions 17 Comments

25 years old
I’m not pregnant, yet, nor have I ever been pregnant. I figured this would be the perfect place to come for support with infertility. My partner and I have been trying to conceive going on 2 yrs. I’m hoping that there are mothers here on The Shape of a Mother that have been through the same thing my partner and I are going through right now. Like most women, that’s one thing I look forward to is motherhood and starting a family. I am a little, or uh maybe a lot afraid that we may never have children, thinking about it gets me all teary eyed. My best friend has two children and truth be known seeing her with them, makes me just want to breakdown. While I’m so very happy for her, it’s still something I’m very sensitive and slightly jealous of I really hate saying that but it’s the truth. Hearing her talking about having more kids and looking at baby clothes when we go shopping together makes me want to curl up in a little ball and weep. I went to the gynecologist recently to talk about infertility and he put me on birth control for 3 months to try to get me ovulating regularly, I have monthly periods but my cycle is irregular. Has anyone out there had any luck with the birth control method? I also have a ultrasound scheduled in Jan, which I’m really freaking out about, they’ll be checking for PCOS. I’m hoping and praying I do not have that, but there is a chance that I might because of some symptoms. The only problem I do not have that most ppl I know with PCOS have is being overweight. I lost 70 pounds when I was 18 and I have been up and down for years, but I have stuck around 150 the last couple years. I’m really insecure about my body, because the stretch marks I have from losing weight and I joke I look like I’ve had children but I havent. I’m hoping the ultrasound can help to narrow down what it is that’s keeping us from conceiving, whether it be PCOS or nothing. so we can hopefully start our little family soon. I’m definitely trying to stay hopeful but I know in the end I’ll be devastated if I find out we cannot have children.

Not What I Expected! (Roo)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Preg. and Births: 1
4 months postpartum

I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I became pregnant in November of 08. Whoo was I surprised!!! I was so scared and happy at the same time. I had a very hard pregnancy, not because of health…but because my boyfriend was not happy. It still upsets me that I wasn’t able to share my happiness and excitement with him, talk about our future son, shop for baby things etc. We stayed together…which is still unbelievable to me. I didn’t know until the day I had our son if he was going to be around or not. I’m still not sure what made him decide to stick around, but I’m glad he did. He loves our little boy more than anything : ) Anyway, before I had our little boy I modeled. Most of what I modeled was swimsuits for Tease Um bikini. I thought my pre-pregnancy body would snap right back. Boy was I wrong! I have some stretch marks and loose skin. I feel so gross. I’m not really dealing with this very well. I don’t think my bf finds me very attractive anymore. I don’t know, I guess I’ll get used to it. All I know is that my baby was and is worth every imperfection I have now.

My Dream Came True (SCS)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cesarean, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 20 Comments

Age: 29
Number of pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
Childs age: 2yrs

First I want to say I love this site. I just wish this site had more true plus size women. So I am posting my pics. I have always wanted children but was told I would probably have trouble getting pregnant due to an upturned cervix. I always told myself that if I never got pregnant before age 27 that I didn’t want any. I felt any after I would be too old. After seeing the movie facing the giants, I finally said, “ok God, if I never have any children I will be fine.” And I gave up on my dream. In March of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was thrilled, especially when I turn 27 in July, it was rather funny.

I had a wonderful pregnancy, my feet got swollen but other than that it was perfect. I went to all the classes, read all the books. Of course the 2 things I didn’t read on was cesareans and bottle feeding. I knew I was going to do it natural and breastfeed. At exactly 40 weeks, I went into labor on Monday November 12th 2007. I had been waking up during the night but I wasn’t sure what from. When my boyfriend woke up at 6 to get ready for work, I still didn’t realize what was happening. It wasn’t until he left that I realized what was happening every 30 minutes. At 7:30 I called him telling him to come home I was 10 minutes apart. by the time he got home at 9 I was 7 minutes apart. He laughed at me all the way to the hospital. I remember just trying to breathe. nothing special just breathe. oh it hurt. By the time I got to the hospital I was 5 minutes apart. An hour later they broke my water and I was 2 minutes apart. by 12:30 I couldn’t take anymore I finally got an epidural. at 2 the docs came in and said the baby’s heart rate dropped and they started prepping me for a cesarean. I broke down and cried. At 2:24 my sweet little boy was born. So there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for. Then I tried breast feeding my son, on the day I was suppose to leave the hospital the nurse told me I would have to bottle feed my son. I cried yet again. My milk never came in, even after a week of having my son, nothing. So here I was with watermelon boobs (granted I was always had huge boobs) and they were completely worthless to me. I couldn’t even feed my baby.

Almost 2 years later and I want another child. About a month ago I found out I was pregnant again. I was so happy. On Monday November 2nd I lost my baby. Right now I am numb. I cried a lot that Monday but so far I haven’t been able to mourn like I should.

All in all I’m ok with my body. I am at least 50lbs more than I want to be. My stretch marks don’t bother me because I had them before I got pregnant, so I knew I’d get them. What bothers me most is my double chin and I have no clue how to get rid of that. the pics of me are from 2006 before I got pregnant, my belly pic at 37 weeks, and me at 22months pp right before I found out I was pregnant again.

Updated here.

It’s not easy the third time around, when your 38 years old! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Piercing, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 31 Comments

When I found out I was pregnant in May of 2008 I was thrilled! I was 37 years old, and by husband was 49. We both have children from previous marriages. I had a 15 year old son, and a 12 year old son, and my stepson was 9 years old.

We had just celebrated our 5 year anniversary in Las Vegas, and…Well, what happens in Vegas didnt stay there! We were not using any form of birth control, and hadnt for 5 1/2 years. We initially had wanted to try to have a baby, but after 3 years of it not happening, we assumed it wouldnt. I thought it was for the best anyway, because I have VERY difficult pregnancies, and felt it was a blessing I had been able to carry my two sons as long as I had. Both of my boys were born early, at 31, and 33 weeks. They were 4lbs 3 oz, and 4 lbs12 oz at birth.

I have what is called a dildelphys uterus, wich actually means I have two completely seperate uterus, and they are each half the size of a normal uterus, making me go into labor early. The first time I went into labor it was at 29 weeks, and I was in the hospital till my son was born 2 weeks later. With my second pregnancy I started having contractions once at 23 weeks, and then badly at 26 weeks, and had to be on bedrest and on a home monitor & trebutaline pump till 33 weeks, going in and out of the hospital several times for short stays, till they just couldnt stop the labor any longer.

Early on with this pregnancy I found out that this baby was in the “left” uterus, when both of my boys had been in the “right” uterus. This was bad, because the doctors beleive that with each pregnancy the uterus stretches a little more, and since this one was brand new, we didnt know if maybe it was smaller & I wouldnt be able to carry as long. Everything was unknown all over again.

I could tell early on, at about 16 weeks that things were going to be tough, because that is when I started noticing contractions. I was constantly drinking tons of water & laying down till it seemed things would settle down. My doctor was more optomistic then I, and I think he and my husband ( not having gone through this with me before) all thought I was over reacting or imagining things.

I found out in September 09 I was having a girl, and was THRILLED. it was the answer to my prayers! I had been told during my first pregnancy that my son was a girl ( Oops! YES…ultra sound techs make mistakes, and I had THREE ultra sounds in late pregnancy & no one caught the error!) so I had been so shocked when I had a boy, I had thought for years I would only have my two sons. I was also happy it was a girl because they always say girls do better when born prematurely, and I needed all the help we could get!

I only got to be overjoyed for a few weeks before the contractions kicked in pretty badly. At a routine exam at 21 weeks I told the doctor after an uneventful visit that before I left I wanted to hook up to their monitor & check for contractions because I kept feeling an odd tightening sensation in my abdomen . He allowed me to do so, and seemed like he was just doing it to give me peace of mind. After 15 minutes of monitoring & insane contractions showing, he looked pale & sent me immedialty to the hospital, where I was given shots of trebutaline and after about 8 hours was allowed to go home. The next day I got my trebutaline pump & home monitor again. I was on total bedrest from 21 weeks, and only allowed up for doctors visits, to shower & use the bathroom. It was tough going through that, but thankfully since my other kids were older they were somewhat able to help out, and we all managed ok. At 26 weeks I started bleeding quite badly & rushed to the hospital, to stay for 2 weeks while they tried to figure out what was going on. They guessed it was placenta abruption, though there were no signs of an abruption on the ultra sounds. I was so scared going back home that something terrible would happen & I woiuldnt get to the hospital on time, and after that I was not ever tempted to get up again or do anything but lay around. Needless to say, 2 1/2 months of inactivity turned my once nice muscle to mush, and I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, much of it at the end because I was just laying around eating non-stop. I wanted to make my baby big & strong & ate tons of everything healthy, and quite a bit of some not so healthy stuff!

The day I turned 33 weeks I was celebrating because the next day would be the longest I had ever carried a pregnancy. When I went to the bathroom there was the teeniest amount of spotting, and I couldnt believe it could happen to the day it had before! My husband took me to the hospital to be monitored, but I wasnt having many contractions, so after a few hours they were ready to send me home. Suddenly my daughters heart took a dive, and several nurses rushed in & gave me oxygen. They thought maybe she had just been on the cord, but said I should spend the night so they could continue to monitor the baby to make sure it didnt happen again.

It was the longest day and night ever! My babies heart continued to slow to 50 beats a minute several times, causing chaos with the nurses making me roll back & forth & get up on my hands and knees trying to move the baby off of the cord. They made me use a bedpan because every time I got up to use the restroom when I came back & hooked up her heart beat was dropping. I had to be on oxygen all night. At midnight they came in & explained that if it happened one more time they were going to do a crash c-section & told me how they would put a tube down my throat to put me out & that the baby would be out within 2 minutes. I was so scared! My husband had gone home to the other kids, and the nurses promised if they took me to surgery they would call him immedialty.

Strangely enough once they said “if it happens one more time” I had no other issues. That is, till 8:00 am. My husband had just gotten there & was with me when it started. They didnt rush me to surgery like I expected, but rather called my doctor & kept trying to figure out what to do. It happend about 4 more times before the “big one”. The last time the babies heart didnt come back up, and about 7 nurses ran into the room. They were ripping my clothes off & putting a new gown on me, and tossing me from one gurney to another, and before I knew what was happening I was whisked down the hall. Thankfully they didnt have to put me out, so I was awake & aware the moment my daughter was born via c-section at 12:00 on 12-16-2008. She was beautiful & cried like a regular newborn at birth. She was 4 pounds 7 ounces, and so healthy all she needed was a few puffs of oxygen at birth. She was never placed in an incubator, and was in my room with me the last 2 days of my 4 day stay in the hospital. EVERYONE said she had to be more then 33 weeks along, but me and my doctor knew better, because he had done ultasounds at 5, 6 & 8 weeks, and said there is no way she was further along. He also said he had never seen a baby so premature do this well immedialty. She came home 5 days after she was born, and did not need an apnea monitor. It was amazing.

So….That’s the long story…it makes me so happy just thinking about it. What doesnt make me happy is the battle I have had since trying to loose that 40 pounds I put on!
I am 5’10 so I didnt look huge pregnant, and did not get any stretch marks. That is the positive. The negative is that my skin, being 38 years old is stretched out pretty bady & not returning to normal! It has taken so much longer to loose the weight this time too. I work out like a mad women, and do bootcamp classes 2 times a week, plus tons of cardio, and worked out for 3 1/2 months with a trainer as well. Sometimes at 3-4 months post partum I would get up at 2:30 an, feed the baby, put her back to bed & go to Golds gym & work out from 3:30 am to 5:00, then come home & go back to bed!

I couldnt stand the way I looked, and the feel of my skin sagging on my belly was awful. It didnt feel like I was inside my own body, but somebody elses nasty
stretched out fat body. It was tuff! I am still not sure why or how I went to the gym like that in the middle of the night! It all seemed like I was dreaming while I did it. Once I got down to 8 pounds to my prepregancy weight it was easier to live with myself, and I stopped THAT insanity…though I still work out 4-5 days a week.

I am 11 months post partum now, and still have 4 pounds to loose. The loose skin is still pretty bad on my abdomen, but I guess I can live with it. I went to a surgeon who told me he would suggest a tummy tuck, not just lipo, because of all of the extra skin I have. I have to believe that I am still slowly returning to normal, and a hip to hip scar would be so much more horrible then my c-section scar! I don’t mind it, because It reminds me of the moment my daughter was born.

So….I am 38 years old,
Mom of 3..ages 16, 14 & 11 months.
5′ 10 and 134 lbs.

I know it was all worth it, and certainly don’t mind working hard to “get my body back”, but I see now that what I was doing so soon after the birth of my baby was obsesive.

I just want to be happy with my daughter & not be so focused on something as shallow as what my belly will look like in a bikini…or trying to keep up with the other 20 somethings I know who have all bounced back faster & more easily.

The pictures I attached are of me at 30 weeks, before pregnancy, 32 weeks, and now, 11 months pp.