Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

More Than a Shape (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 1 Comment

Age – 20
# of Births – 1
P.P – 1 week

I had the greatest love of my life ask me to marry him last year. Of course I said yes and wedding plans were in the air when I found out I was pregnant. Side note – I told him at 3 in the morning jumping in to bed because I had just taken the test because it said to use your morning pee but really had to go and didn’t want to mess anything up. Poor man was shocked. We both were since we were pretty careful. But the pregnancy was not the least bit unwanted. We moved the wedding up to August so that my dress would still fit and we already were about to move in together so timing wise everything was pretty perfect.

My pregnancy was pretty routine other than I didn’t have a midwife until I was 21 weeks and there were no doctors willing to take me as a patient. He was a perfectly healthy little boy and we were both so excited. I didn’t hate being pregnant but I wasn’t overly interested in it either. I liked feeling him move the first few times and watching him grow inside me but I never felt super connected with him which worried me a little. At 34 weeks I just started liking him more and more. I had a false labor at 35 weeks which scared everyone because it didnt seem like a false labor at the time, but after a night in the hosptial everything calmed down. For a while…

Before getting pregnant I was a fairly active person, loved to work out and running was my favorite. I continued with exercise through my pregnancy, slowing down of course and accepted the changes to my body, not right away as I complained about the strecth marks on my breasts and hips. I did get what I feel was fairly big over the pregnancy, starting at 133 pounds and going up to 170 approx when I gave birth. I was pretty upset about the marks on my hips and in the last month of pregnancy they showed up all over my legs. Another side note – I have never had any stretch marks before being pregnant so they came as a pretty big shock.

Last month of being pregnant, can we say uncomfortable? The whole pregnancy my little baby had been on my right side bunched up and my ribs were all inflamed from his constant pressure on them. Hard to breathe, couldn’t sit up, impossible to sleep (I was lucky if I could get 2 hours total a night). I was really ready for this baby to come out.

Having a midwife was really amazing. We weren’t planning on it but they had room. I was interested in having a natural birth at the hospital, and we decided to attempt to use nothing during the delivery and if not then laughing gas because it didnt affect the baby at all. I was excited to have a natural birth. At the routine 39 week appointment with my midwife, she took my blood pressure…twice and then made me lie down and took it again and then told me we needed to go to the hospital right away. I was 160/120 and mine was usually about 130/70. We got to the hospital and got checked over and over and over again and it was staying high with it’s highest being at 179/126. Even after 3 doses of blood pressure medication there was almost no change. They induced me at 6pm on Wednesday. Contractions were strong and less than 3 minutes apart after a few hours. I was 3 cm dilated but it was going slow. By 6am I was using the laughing gas which was barely sustaining me and I was getting tired. At lunch time on Thursday they broke my water hoping to speed things up because I wasn’t dilating any more. That pushed me over the edge pain wise, maybe just in my head, and I was started on Demoral since my birthing plan was pretty much out the window. I slowly started dilating and by 8pm I was about 8 cm. I was in so much pain and couldn’t stop screaming and crying and even my midwife said I should get an epidural. I finally agreed and after it starting working I was really glad I gave in. After trying to push for 3 hours and being fully dilated and nothing happening, the doctor said I would be getting a C section and there was no other choice. I was pretty upset about it but after 37 hours of labor I was pretty quick to be okay with it. The C-section was the scariest thing ever but I made it through with my husband by my side.

After it was all over I had a beautiful baby boy weighing 9 pounds exactly and was 21 inches long. A pretty big boy. But he is healthy and happy and a great sleeper. But I also have a scar that I was never expecting to have. I can complain about the stretch marks and the giant cut but it really is all in the way you look at it and thats why I wanted to write my story. My scar is the product of a little boy who came out of me the only way possible, the stretch marks a result of making this little boy the healthiest newborn there is and I got some really great breasts out of it too. I mean I think they were great before but I always felt they looked fake because they were so perky. Now they are giant round real looking breasts and I like that a lot better.

I guess my point is that your shape is more than just the way your body looks. It’s about creating a life, or many lives, and the joys and pains that it has to go through to make that happen. The life of a child is worth any scar or stretch mark that I could ever see. I know it might not feel that way and believe me I have days were I feel like a round lump of whale (just ask my husband), but it’s a frame of mind and any body that has gone through pregnancy will be beautiful in its own way and thats the simple truth of it all.

1st picture – Prepregnancy Body
2nd picture – 37 weeks pregnant
3rd picture – My precious little man at 2 days old

A New Appreciation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 2, Births: 1
11 weeks postpartum

I’ve tried writing this entry almost ten times. Some stating how much I admire my body now, some stating how much I hate it. Instead, I’m just going to be honest.

I’d love to tell you that I adore my body despite it’s changes, but that would be a lie. What I can say is that I finally found appreciation for my body. Not only for it’s physical appearance but for the strength it had to grow my child and bring him to me on it’s own. You see, I come from a history of still born babies, miscarriages and incompetent cervix. When I found out I was pregnant, I was the most scared I have ever been for what journey I may have to take, what loss I may have to make. I struggle with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and had my fallopian tube erupt when I was only 16 years old. I never thought I would get pregnant, and was encouraged by my doctor to try before my chances lessened. I was newly single when I discovered I was pregnant. I had just ended a 2 year engagement with the love of my life and was going through a difficult struggle with depression, one that led me to lose a good amount of weight before finding out I was carrying another life inside me. One of the biggest struggles in my relationship was building a future and the fact that my fiance just wasn’t ready to let go of his youth. We started working on our relationship again despite his fear of becoming a father and didn’t up up getting back together fully until 2 months before the arrival of our son. I ended up a week overdue and went into labour on my own. I had a natural delivery and birthed a healthy, 7 pound little boy. All my fears dissapeared, and new ones emerged. My son was in my arms and he was okay, he was perfect.

From the second my boyfriend laid eyes on our son, I saw the change in him. I saw every path in our future together change. Now, with a relationship stronger than it’s ever been and a beautiful son who makes every breath worth taking, I still can’t help but stop and stare in sadness at the stretch marks and sag my skin has taken on. I’m not going to say that this struggle with my body is a new one, I’ve always been far too hard on my physical appearance, but I always had found confidence when it was necessary. I have a wonderful man who tells me everyday that I don’t look like I had a baby and look the exact same to him as before I had our son, but his effort just pushes me away more when it should pull me closer, and I feel guilt when he has to see me with my clothes off. Guily for not being the beautiful, sexy woman he once admired so much. I love him but to me the idea of him seeing me the same way as before our son seems very unrealistic, since the person I see in the mirrornow looks very different from the one I used to know. I know it’s going to take time to love my body again but I think I need day by day to get to know this new me, the way I look now.

At the end of the day, I always find myself able to shake my head and step away from the mirror. Every difference my body shows is the doing of bringing my son into this world, something I never thought possible for me, something many of those I love have not been able to accomplish. I hope one day I can love the physical changes of my body the same way I love the ability it had to bring my son to me. Until then, I’ll just continue being forever thankful to it, and realising that thousands of women out there would give more than the stretch marks we think are so terrible, just to have a baby they aren’t capable of having.

My first photo attached was 3 months before the conception of my son. Second photo is my belly at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I went into labour the next night at 41 weeks pregnant and had him at 3:58am the next morning. Third and forth photos are of my body now, 11 weeks postpartum.

Updated here.

8 months pregnant with second daughter. (Proudmama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 1 Comment

Previous posts here, here and here.

Age: 32
Number of pregnancies: Second pregnancy, 33 weeks along at time of writing this. First child is 27 months.

The last time I updated, I had just found out I was pregnant with baby #2. Now I am thrilled to say that I’m 33 weeks along with my second daughter. As you’ll see, I’ve been blessed with another big beautiful belly. Just like with my first daughter, I have no stretch marks (so far) and I’m carrying all in front of me. Asides from the “look” of it though, it’s actually been a very different pregnancy . This time around, I’ve had it pretty tough. I’ve had a lot of morning sickness (which I didn’t have the first time) and I’ve been dealing with a bad case of SPD (symphysis pubis dysunction) which has kept from being as active as I would have liked. My anemia has gotten a lot worse and I’ve found out that my body doesn’t absorb Vitamin B12(not pregnancy related) and I’ll have to get injections for the rest of my life. Throw in a 2 year old to take care of and a home daycare to run, and I’ve been pretty tired and in a lot of pain.

But even though I’m exhausted and ready for this pregnancy to be over, I’m not losing sight of how fortunate I am to have been giving the chance to experience motherhood a second time and I’m especially excited to have been given another precious baby girl. I’ve tried to really enjoy every single moment and be in tuned with the changes in my body despite everything because we don’t plan on having any more children. I honestly haven’t given too much thoughts on my postpartum body, I figure I’ll have enough time to worry about that later. For the moment being, I just want to cherish my baby’s healthy movements and enjoy my last weeks of being a mother of one before chaos sets in. :) All I know is that having to “run” after kids all day must have kept me somewhat in shape because I’ve only gained 17 pounds so far which I think is pretty good. Hopefully I’ll manage to stay under 25 pounds.

I still read your entries and constantly get inspired and touched by them and I promise I’ll keep you posted when this little one is born. Cheers mamas!

The pictures were taken at 33 weeks. Hard to imagine I’ll get even bigger.

Learning to be Proud of My Body (Rach)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

age 21
1 pregnancy\1 birth

I am now 21, i have always been over weight i am 5’2 and i am 240, i have always found it hard to love myself but i wear my weight well. (most ppl dont know how much i really weight) when i was 19 i fell in love with a bad person but i fought for our love and was told i could never have children because i was over weight and had ovarian cysts , better luck i guess when we are ready it will happen. soon to my amazement i found out i was 6 weeks pregnant on my 20th birthday, after trying for so long my prayers were answered and i was so happy i cried, my family wanted me to get an abortion because of the father, but i refused. i had a really bad pregnancy, i was always sick and i had really bad circulation, my body swelled so much and my best friend took care of me most of the time (he is a guy), my fiance wasnt ever around, he was with other women. i was in the hospital from 32 weeks til i delivered at 40 weeks to a beautiful 9lb 5oz 22inch baby boy, and my whole world changed, even after the c section i was walking around and i healed very fast taking care of a newborn on my own, When i gave birth i weighed 270, and had no strech marks, i know love the fact that i have the love marks my son left behind, i look at myself and thank my baby boy everyday, i have come to learn that if i hadn’t had corvin, and this amazing gift in my life, something that shouldn’t of happend then i wouldn’t be the mother i am today, i am currently engaged to that best friend, and my son is the happiest, smartest, strongest thing that ever happen to me, and for that i love my body, this body created, nurtured, and loved that beautiful boy into this world, and my fiance to this day will rub my belly and i will not be offended because he loves my son and he says everytime ” i love your belly and i love my baby” i hope you all get inspiration and learn to love yourself, beautiful , skinny or a little fluffy, you have the most amazing motherly body in the world!

Tigers are tough, so that’s why I have stripes (Megan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age-21
Height-5’2
# of pregnancies- 1 miscarriage.. 1 full term
Weight gained during pregnancy- 45lbs

I am 37 weeks pregnant today. And when I look in the mirror I see warrior. My story is unfair, but I love that it happened to me. It has
given me the strength that I have needed for each and every day of these long 9 months. Lets go back to July 2011 when I found out I was
expecting, after only a month of trying with my beloved fiance of 3 years. I was over the moon with joy as I sat on my bathroom floor and
cried tears of excitement and happiness. I called my fiance and told him the good news. He sounded angry and said we would talk later. My high spirits had lowered after that and I sat there wondering what was wrong? Later on he got home and sat on the couch, he asked me to sit down. I had no idea what was about to happen, but if I did I would have had a titanium bat ready for him. He said I can’t be with you anymore. I asked why. He said Jessica, his “ex” girlfriend, was 8 months pregnant with his child and they’ve been together for the entire time. My first thought was that he was just making this up because he was scared.. and then he whipped out the ultrasound photo of his daughter. I sat there, tears streaming down my face not even knowing how the hell this happened or how dumb I was to have missed the signs of his infidelity. How could he actively try to conceive with me knowing that he had another on the way? As I sat frozen on the couch he packed his things and left. I sat on that couch the whole night, not moving an inch, knowing that if I did I would have to go find him and kill him. A few weeks go by with no word from him, I went about my life in a zombie like state, hating him more and more every day, but realizing that I was pregnant and went for my first ultrasound. Well., that was it for me. I was in love with this
little person growing inside of me. My whole perceptive changed that day. I was glowing and excited and looking towards the future with a grin so big it could have blinded someone. When I was about 16 weeks he called me. I asked him what was up. He said he wanted nothing to do with me or my child ever again and to not contact him because he was starting his new family and didn’t want any distractions or trouble. I said No problem! and hung up the phone. I haven’t talked to him since. As my belly grew and my excitement increased, I noticed some small stretch marks.. that eventually turned into large stretch marks. And even though I am young, and my body will never be the same after this, I know that my child gave me the most amazing strength I could ever have to not break down and loose it all. But hey, I figured.. a tiger has to be tough! And god damn I was a tiger proudly sharing my stripes with all of you.

First photo- 20 weeks, no stretch marks(black and white)
Second photo- 37 weeks.. lots of stripes
Third photo- 37 weeks front view

Pregnancy I of III (Sam)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

I’m now pregnant with my third child, but I thought I would better start with the first…. so here we go…. I was always curvy, so I didn’t really experience any more stretch marks than the one I already had…. And I must say that the body just got more mature…. from a chubby teen to a curvy woman! I had no complaints about it :)

Age: Now 27 then 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1st of 3…
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 0,3,5

Hello Again, Friends (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Previous post here.

This is my new entry :) I made a previous entry approximately a year ago describing my issues with body image and trying to love my body. Am I there yet? I wish I could say that I am but it is a long process. I have had my struggles and to be honest some days are better than others. Some days I feel like a sexy mamma ! Other days I wear baggy clothes and I want to hide my body. You just never know. What I feel has honestly helped is working out. I am extremely passionate about it. I am six years post p and I still have the stomach of loose skin and breasts that sag more than I like. Still, when I challenge my body in a work out I feel a million times better. I feel strong despite my negative emotions about my body. When I work out I feel like it doesnt matter that my skin sags in certain spots or that I have stretch marks. All I think about is being brace and strong. There are so many emotional stories on here. What I find motivating about this site is that even if you read a sad story about a woman who fears her new body, women comment to make her feel how she truly should, a strong woman, a tiger who should be worshiped for her contribution to this world even if you feel like the only one you ever made was your child. To have a child and raise a child whether you are old or young is an amazing thing. None of us do it perfectly and we all have regrets. Lets not make our bodies one of those regrets. When you only have one life to live why punish yourself for something like this? Embrace who you are and how you feel. Acknowledge your feelings and morn the old body but embrace what is new after that. Be healthy, eat healthy and try to think healthy as a whole. Focus on that amazing child of yours :)

I give all of the women on this site a lot of credit :) Every single one of you from all walks of life….one big thing in common. The life we brought into this world !

Here are some pics :)

– one pregnancy
– 6 years pp

How did you get comfortable with your new physical self? (MK)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Question, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

I read about all of the women who have gone from being in shape, looking great and feeling good to looking like a “mother.” I read about how you are now comfortable and accepting of your new “beautiful” self. I am not as strong as you are. I want to be where you are mentally and I am looking to learn how you got to where you are.

I was a size 0; 119 lbs before the birth of my son 14 months ago. My hobby was going to the gym and working out. It was/is my stress reliever. I got back to my old size, yet I am left with stretch marks on my stomach, sagging/floppy boobs, huge nipples (I breast fed for 12 months) extra skin on my stomach and diastasis recti. The latter issue doesn’t bother me that much.

I am pregnant again–25 weeks along. I obviously look pregnant, like I should. In addition to me not being comfortable in my new skin, I also have dark, huge aerolas–which I think is pregnancy related! To me it is so unattractive.

I never had time to get use to my the new me because I am now pregnant again. But the issue lies here…

I don’t want to be touched or seen naked by my husband. In bed I have to be covered with a blanket. If I look down and see myself, I don’t find myself sexy and i get upset at what I see. I don’t want to be touched where the extra skin lies nor on my huge nipples! I get so upset and mad. I don’t feel like I deserve to feel good.

On tv and in movies, you never see people like “us” playing sexy roles and if you did it would ruin what the show is trying to capture. How can one find me/us attractive. I don’t get it?!!

There are boundaries in bed which I know isn’t good but I can’t get comfortable and accepting of the new me. Feeling good and feeling sexy is important for a good relationship.

I feel good in clothes and no matter how often others tell me I look good–I need to feel sexy and good with myself (naked). I know confidence is sexy, but I’m just not any longer. Even if I begin to feel cofident, I don’t feel I have the right to be. How did you do it? How did you begin to truly love your new self? Please help. I am miserable and my relationship with my husband isn’t where is should be.

~Your Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2nd pregnancy
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 14 months and 1 on the way; due 11/3

I Feel Like a Woman! (Dessy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Hi! Thank all you beautiful mommies for helping me feel so much better about my body!

I am 23, and 18 weeks into my first pregnancy. The body changes have been hard for me to accept. I suffered from an eating disorder in my teens, so much so that I didn’t start having my period until I was 17! I went through a time of eating an average of 3 meals per week. I am 5’7″, and I didn’t get above 105lbs until age 19. Now, at 23, I was finally a healthy weight of 125lbs (or about, I threw away my scale over a year ago and decided to focus on overall health instead.) and I always felt I was fat. I started gaining weight rapidly with this pregnancy.

I am one of those lucky women who hardly had any morning sickness, so I packed it on. By the end of my first trimester I was up 15 lbs, and felt terrible about it! Everyone was telling me I was gaining too much, or commenting that I was showing way too soon. And now I’m up to 147 already! On top of this, my Husband is in Afghanistan (got pregnant on leave lol) and I am buying house by myself. Finally, i desperation and after much crying, I googled ‘How to feel beautiful pregnant’ and that is how I ended up here. After reading stories and seeing pictures, I started to feel much better about my body. I still have ‘off days’, but for the most part I am learning to love the extra curves pregnancy is giving me. Now I finally feel like a woman, whole and complete. I have never been this comfortable with my body! I am rockin’ these curves! ;)

With as much as I’ve gained already, I am fairly sure that I will never reach 125lbs again, but I have decided to set my postpartum goal at 140lbs, which for my height of 5’7″ should be very healthy. Through reading your inspiring stories, I even found the confidence to send my husband some sexy pictures of my rounder body… which he said he loves much more than the “skinny stick figure” he married lol!

These pictures are of me before becoming pregnant, at 125lbs, when I desperately wanted to lose weight

And me now at 18 weeks pregnant.

I can’t wait to come back and share my stretch marks and post-baby shape.

Scars of Beauty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I am a 23 yr old mom of 3 ages 4, 1, & 1 month old i am 8 wks pp 3 csections.I had my first @ 18 yrs old my pregnancy in the beginning was tough because I was living in an environment unhealthy to my child and to myself. Aside from the fact my child’s father was abusive the person we were living with one of his parents wouldn’t let us get food stamps, because they were too prideful and didn’t want to look like a state case. I and my unborn child were malnourished I weight less then 95lbs. Eventually I let that situation and got to a safe haven where I was fed and gained weight and my child was starting too look as though he was going to burst me open I went unmarked (stretch marks ) for 8 months then my son was born And i seen what had truly happened after my csection. I was devastated, insecure, my body had been destroyed by this cute lil baby. I grew so fast after leaving his abusive father & the environment in which We my unborn & i were being deprived of the nourishment we needed. I felt like It was a reminder of the things this person & his family put me through. But it was a reminder of our determination to thrive and survive. We made it. In 2008 We found a man to love us, his family loves us we fit right into his life perfectly. I got married i never thought I was beautiful I couldn’t stand my body so I didn’t see how a man could but he did. In 2009 3 yrs after my son was born I had my lil girl I gained not 1 extra mark she is the easiest lil person but I feared for her body and getting stretch marks like I did. And 16 months dec 2011 after her I have birth to my newest lil boy and I gained no extra from him.

These are scars that remind me of the path I chose for my survival and my 1st sons survival.

So in a way they are well earned